Proof Gordon Is Wasting Money

Brown is, we are told, pounding out 10,000 words per day. If he were the “Fastest Typist In The World” (150 words per minute), then this would only take him 67 minutes of each day. Leaving him plenty of time to do those constituency duties which he claims he is still doing.

But Gordon isn’t the “Fastest Typist in the World”. Let’s assume he’s a ‘fast’ typist (40wpm), then his 10k marathons will be taking him four hours and ten minutes of each day. Assuming he is doing constituency work until, say six in the evening (as he is paid to do), then he’ll be working until around 11pm each night. Meaning he won’t see his kids. Which Brown professes not to do, so we must assume therefore that he’s letting his book time eat into his constituency work.

More than likely he’s officially a ‘slow’ typist (23wpm). In which case he’ll be spending seven hours and fifteen minutes of publicly paid time on his book. Even allowing him two or three hours for constituency work, that’s a pretty busy day. But those times are merely for copy taking…

What’s the average typing speed when someone is composing? Well, that’s just 19wpm. And how long would it take to compose 10,000 words if one is typing at 19wpm? On average, not taking account for poor eyesight and periodic fits of rage, it would take eight hours and forty-five minutes. Pretty much the same as a full working day, that the taxpayer, not Simon and Schuster is footing the bill for..

Maths via email from Stephen Bray

Big Green Government

How do bureaucrats save their jobs? They re-invent themselves as green advocates. You can imagine Sir Humphrey explaining to the minister that instead of sacking a few dozen burdens on the taxpayer, he can redeploy them as green advocates. It’ll cost more, but it’ll be green…

When is a quango not a quango? When it is an “Office”. In this case the new Office for Low Emission Vehicles (OLEV), “a cross Whitehall team dedicated to taking forward” green initiatives. So far the only initiative they have come up with is a £50 million taxpayer subsidy to middle and upper-class greens who can get £5,000 off the purchase of an expensive electric car. That £5,000 will end up directly in the profits of foreign electric car manufacturers.

The Foreign Office now has a Climate Change twitterer, no really. We are supposed to be getting small government and a Big Society. We’re actually getting a Big Green Government…

Robinson – “I Must Try Harder”

When the Political Editor of the BBC is writing public memos to himself suggesting that he he “must try harder” because he managed to miss the fact the coalition was coming, things aren’t exactly going well. Just like he missed the leadership coups when his sources’s Blackberries were vibrating right under his nose.

Robinson took a month making a documentary about the coalition negotiations before seeing the light, Guido was outlining the contours of the coming coalition before election day. It became blindingly obvious the Tories were not going to get a majority. Is better-late-than-never-Robinson really the best talent that the BBC’s vast news budget can buy?

The race to take over from Robinson is well under-way, this mea culpa should help those vying for the job.

Yvette and Hazel’s Multi-Million Furniture Shopping Spree

Eric Pickles has been getting under the skin of his shadow John Denham with digs about the £2.78 million spending spree on furniture, redecoration and suchlike that his former Dept. of Communities and Local Government splurged before Labour was booted out. Pickles had a heydey in the press and parliament with tales of Harriet Harman’s multi-million pound Serene Green Tranquillity Room at the Equalities Office.  Denham wasn’t going to let that happen to him.


Denham’s SpAd, Jake Sumner, knew where the bodies were buried and in a spirit of comradeship FoI’d confirmation that it was Yvette Cooper, the former chief secretary to the Treasury, who approved the spending in a letter of 2 June 2008 to the then Secretary of State, Hazel Blears, Denham’s predecessor at the Dept. of Communities and Local Government. So it was Yvette, not Denham, who authorised the purchase by Hazel of £134,503 of red sofas. Presumably chosen to match Hazel’s hair…

Labour’s Lady of the Night

Mandy isn’t the only Labour politician willing to throw in some juicy details in order to flog a few copies. Nottingham councillor and writer Catharine Arnold tells of intriguing past while promoting her new book City of Sin:

“Far from looking like a conventional hooker, I was a gamine public-school girl with a fresh complexion and a good figure. I had always had a thing about older men, perhaps because I lost my father young. I was never hard enough to be a real ‘Mayfair mercenary’, as the top girls were known. I never went to Tokyo Joe’s or Tramp, and the women who did terrified me. I wasn’t interested in rock starts or celebrities. I knew my type: they were the older men who would find in the quiet bar and take me to dinner and tell me about their children. I nursed the hope that at some stage I would meet a kindly sugar daddy who would set me up in Mayfair. But I never found such a man.”

Guido is surprised she never made it further up the greasy pole…

Balls’s Bungled Pledge

Yesterday Ed Balls made a big song and dance about signing a pledge that all interns should be paid the minimum wage. He even released a video of him and one of his own office interns discussing it. Except that’s not quite what he said:

“It’s really important if you are interning or volunteering in a House of Commons office that you get properly paid.”

Interns and volunteers.

So what about his very own voluptuous volunteer Ellie “Stilettos” Gellard, Twitter queen and cursed backer of Gordon? Gellard has been strutting around with a pass, on the Balls campaign, yet apparently isn’t taking a penny?

A volunteer you might say… So it’s fine that all interns and volunteers must be paid, just not Ed’s campaign staff. Or if she is being paid, why hasn’t it been declared?

Brown’s Unnecessary Minion

Though no longer a front-bencher, or even a participating Member of Parliament, Gordon has found it necessary to recruit a PPS. Alison McGovern, newly elected MP for Wirral South, has been appointed bag-carrier-in-chief . While he sits at home in Fife, rocking, back and forth, spinning his disastrous economic record, she will be working in Westminster on his behalf. Why can’t he do it? Guido recommends  she spend more time shoring up her own ultra-marginal constituency.

As suspected, Brown didn’t hang around for last night’s vote on the Education Bill. Welsh Lib Dem Jenny Willott is the only other mainland MP that has been completely absent from this session – she’s just had a kid. There are those that say Brown is having yet another dig at Blair’s post-Downing Street behaviour by staying on, but what is the point if he isn’t actually going to engage? At least Blair didn’t bother trying to pretend he still cared.

Cameron Endorsement Costs Fox IRS Investigation

It just gets worse for Liam Fox. After yesterday’s slamming from the Charity Commission for his farcical neo-con charity Atlantic Bridge, today he now learns that it is under investigation from the Inland Revenue Service. Apparently the Yanks are not overly impressed with the tax-exempt status the charity had if it was flouting the rules. This seems to have been the problem:

“Americans should look forward to May 6, after which Cameron and his government will likely assume power. He will be good for America and better for the Special Relationship.”

Bet Dave wishes his blundering Defence Secretary was still that loyal…

Cameron’s Camp Confusion

On the day that the Prime Minister upset supporters and many of his closest allies by describing Gaza as a “prison camp”, over in the prison yard things look a little different. Check out the new shopping mall that […]

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Gordon Lurking, Still Shirking Working

Rumours flitted on EyeSpy.MP that Gordon was on the parliamentary estate, Twittering politicos said he was seen at the end of the chamber during questions to Culture Media Sport Secretary Jeremy Hunt.

So he was, lurking briefly by the Speaker’s […]

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More Mercer Mystery Unmasked

Despite her obvious desire to reclaim the money owed to her, Mercer’s mistress Sarah Coyle wasn’t seeking publicity. She certainly didn’t sell her story to the Mail on Sunday. She did approach the Conservative Whips though to see if […]

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Fox’s Neo-Con Charity Slammed

Another week and another headache for the beleaguered Defence Secretary. Neo-Con head-bangers the Atlantic Bridge have been slammed by the Charity Commission for their close ties to the Tories. Set up by Fox in 2003, like the Smith Institute and […]

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