Gordon Brown’s ambiguous sexual image in his university days has long been speculated about, remember Sue Lawley on Desert Island Discs years ago: “People want to know whether you’re gay or whether there is some flaw in your personality”. It appears to Guido that despite fatherhood, the tendency is creeping back. When Gordon visited HMS Kent* last week he positively frolicked in his goggles, mincing rather than marching. Whatever has got into him? Is he just full of the joys of spring?
*Iain Dale owes Guido 10 pints for the picture on the left.

A usually reliable source whispers that some Tory MEPs have already had interviews for the A-list. Could this be a reward for the high profile ones that supported Dave and to prevent any rebelliousness on the EPP-ED split?

Guido is also told that all ex-MPs have been kicked off the candidates list. All of them.

UPDATE : By “all of them” apparently the source meant all of them, apart from the 2005 losers.

Lynne had a drink with Guido and Recess and told us the tale of the time she kissed the wrong Willy. She’s bullish on all fronts and she wants to be shadow home secretary. Hear why she couldn’t get Clegg to run and who does her hair. Whatever…

Click over to Guido & Recess Monkey to hear what she has to say on the latest pubcast.

Gordon will not be appearing at Labour’s Scottish conference in Aviemore next weekend. If his constituency MP was a Brownite acolyte instead of a LibDem who overturned an 11,500 majority, do you really think he would miss it? Gordon would be basking in the glory, instead of swerving the blame.

From his blog :

Liberal Democrat leadership candidate Simon Hughes MP told GMTV’s Sunday programme this morning that he was “increasingly confident of victory.”

Best he re-mortgages and backs himself down the bookies at 30/1 if he is so confident.

If you Google Chris Huhne you get the search results and a Google advert as pictured. Very professional. If you Google Simon Hughes, guess what? Its the same if you Google Ming Campbell.

Punters on Betfair have slashed Huhne’s odds this morning making him the runaway favourite at 8/13. The Big Mo is with the Huhney Monsters.

Q. What’s the connection between Simon Hughes and his Nokia phone?
A. Dem iz both Finnish, innit.

Hughes is being offered at 30/1 for those who like outside bets. Ming has tumbled to 2/1. Guido understands that Ming almost literally tumbled over at the Midlands hustings. He lost his footing on stage and very narrowly avoided going arse over tit. It would have been a defining “Kinnock moment”.

Imagine you are in a pub in Westminster and overheard Jake Rigg and Richard Huzzey of Chris Huhne’s campaign team chatting to Guido and the Monkey. Over-exciting? No need to imagine it, upload it! Point your browser over to www.GuidoandtheMonkey.com.

Warning – this one is for hardcore political anoraks. If you have boxed sets of the West Wing on DVD this is for you. They were a very cagey pair, the Huzzey monster even forbade us using his photograph. It drove us to drink…

Political über-Geek Tom Steinberg comes up with really useful tools for e-democracy. His WriteToThem.Com is a real boon to communicating with your MP. Of most interest to Guido is the annual Responsivity League Table. It shows that of the major parties Tory MPs are the quickest and most reliable respondents, followed by LibDems and Labour.

The top three MPs were all Tories; Paul Goodman, George Young and Robert Key take a bow (or more likely your efficient research assistants should give themselves a pat on the back). The bottom three MPs were all Labour, P45s should be on their way to the lazy or incompetent assistants to Jane Kennedy, John Heppell and Graham Stringer.

The people’s tribune George Galloway is obviously too busy being a celebrity to actually help people. Only 7% of his correspondents got a reply within 3 weeks.

Am luvvin’ league tables for Labour MPs, if it’s good enough for headmasters and hospitals, it’s good enough for them!

Personalised number plate, previously on City tycoon’s black BMW, now unsuited to greenish politician’s electo-petro Toyota Prius hybrid.
All offers: chris@chrishuhne.org.uk.

G Reg, model V12, 5.3 litre Jaguar XJ-S for Sale
One elderly owner, pride and joy, forced to sell due to expected change of circumstances. All reasonable offers considered.
Contact: jag@campbellcampaign.org

Zany Novelty Yellow Taxi Service

To book: simon@simonhughesforleader.com