Friday, January 2, 2009

Israel on the Brink of a Ground War with Hamas

From the one-sided BBC reporting you would never realise that Hamas is launching sustained rocket blitzes day after day on Israeli towns. Alexi Sayle, Bianca Jagger, George Galloway MP, Ken Livingstone and Sarah Teather MP have just held a press conference in London saying we must do something about the Gaza situation. That line-up of aging left-wing celebs has stirred Guido’s conscience and spurred him into action. Time to get the wallet out again and show his support for the Israeli Defence Forces…

Whereas once Britain’s grannies knitted woolie hats and gloves for our boys in the trenches, nowadays modern technology means that you can give your support online to those fighting against Hamas’ Islamo-fascism just by clicking on a link. Guido has independently verified this and it is a genuine way to show support for Israel’s frontline troops. PizzaIDF.org organise the delivery of Kosher pizzas and Pepsi to troops who will soon be risking their lives searching for rocket firing terrorists. For £100 you can buy pizza & soda for a platoon…

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2008 Stat-Porn Summary

A total for the year of 7,847,505 pageviews off 5,872,586 visits from 958,639 visitors, (December 723,587 pageviews off 557,767 visits from 105,239 visitors). Circulation increased some 86% on the year, how many publishers can say that in 2008?

The top three stories of the year were :

  1. Coren’s Sub-Standard
  2. Littlejohn Bitch-slaps Polly
  3. Brown Confesses to Procuring Misconduct
Thanks to advertisers for their support, readers for their loyalty and politicians for providing the targets.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 Blog Highlights : What a Lot You Got

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December

Look Back in Mockery 2008

This is Guido’s favourite photo of the year. It captures Brillo in his natural environment, in Cannes. He was a little testy about this photo;
“Wow, Guido, never thought such quantities of green stuff would be generated by a simple lunch for the University of Cannes Moral Philosophy Department. Clearly envy not confined to the Left … but there we go. Must dash .. have the University of Nice Women’s Gymnastic team coming for tea. Pip! Pip!”

Guido will confess to jealousy, he has spent the holidays cradling his snotty girls to his bosom, whereas Brillo holidays in the bosom of his, errm, nieces.

The Daily Politics is still the best television politics show, doesn’t take it self too seriously yet Brillo doesn’t let politicians off the hook when they talk bollocks. Adam Boulton’s post PMQs match report is coming on well and does sometimes make the old men muttering around the Daily Politics studio look a bit stale. That needs freshening up, particularly the regular guest line up. Pip! Pip!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Mandy in Marakesh

Apparently the Dark Lord is in Marakesh, this tip-off has just arrived in the inbox:

My sister just txted me from Marakesh. Mandy spotted with a young boy. Unfortunately she is not politically nerdy enough to have followed up the spot so the trail is cold. Not much of a tip-off but it may be the start of a trail.

Anyone out there got a camera-phone?

One night in Marakesh some years ago Guido was in a taxi with a champagne-filled Irish girl (not Mrs Fawkes). She somewhat louchely dared Guido to procure some professional company for the night. Guido turned to the taxi driver (from whom we had already obtained some local hashish) and asked him to take us to a brothel. He didn’t bat an eyelid and simply asked “boys or girls?” Guido turned to his companion and asked her what she fancied… well when in Rome…

Sh*ts of the Year 2008

The lack of news flow means that the media start doing predictions and awards to pad out space. Dale’s listmania has gone into overdrive, could have sworn he posted “My Top Ten Lists of 2008″.

So Guido will, for the same reason, invite you to nominate your “Sh*ts of the Year”. Here are a few categories, do feel free to add your own categories.
  • Sh*t Politician of the Year
  • Sh*t Journalist of the Year
  • Sh*t Blogger of the Year
  • Hoon Prix d’ Sh*t of the Year
The last category can come from any field of human endeavour. Put your nomination in the comments together with less than 30 words giving your grounds.

A co-conspirator T-shirt to the wittiest nomination…

UPDATE : Some of the entrants seem to misunderstand, it is not a vote for another bloody list, it is a contest of wits, you have to make a nomination with amusing grounds. Not just say “Brown is a sh*t.” It is for a T-shirt after all…

Blair Just Hangs Around in a Tracksuit All Day

According to Ruth Turner, Blair’s former director of government relations and now charity foundation aide, quoted in the New York Magazine, whenever she sees Blair “He wears a track suit all day.”

You know how it is; one minute you are working hard, suited and booted, next thing you are made redundant. It happens to so many middle aged men who thought they were at the prime of their careers. You end up irritating the wife mooching around in a tracksuit, flicking through the teletext pages all day, shouting at the telly. Bit sad really…

Monday, December 29, 2008

Just Catching Up With the News*

Have enjoyed breaking the news junky habit this week. Even let the mobile phone battery go dead, which is about as cold turkey as St Stephens’ Day gets. Am today in sole charge of the snot-ridden Fawkes girls, who are coming down from their Christmas highs. Have managed to stuff them full of food by smothering it in ketchup (it goes surprisingly well with corn-on-the-cob). The floor is treacherously littered with Iggle Piggle and his gang of psychedelic mates plus Peppa Pig and family. We should pay the nanny danger money.

Scanning the news once again demonstrates that it is as mad as ever, Middle East is in flames, Western developed economies are sunk. Here in Ireland the government has bailed out the banks when a private sector deal fell through, some taxes are going up, government spending is being slashed. The Irish government is at pains to insist “we won’t repeat the mistakes of the British bail-out”, namely saddling the banks with 12% debt repayments.

Back in Britain the Prime Mentalist seems on form, now entertaining Churchillian as well as super-hero fantasies. The Tories are teasing about tax cuts and William Hague appears to have threatened to quit his day job if he is forced to actually do it full-time. Elsewhere particularly enjoyed reading that “Conservative leader David Cameron was beaten by three girls and a semi-naked man”. Once a Bullingdon boy, always a Bullingdon boy, eh?

*Well, the news you are allowed to read.

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

Cameroon Nuptials

Douglas Smith, one of the early modernisers behind the scenes at Policy Exchange, who went on to become a Cameron speech writer and now guides political research at CCHQ and Munira Mirza, Boris’ Director of Policy, Arts, Culture and the Creative Industries, should today now be Mr and Mrs Smith.

To the surprise of many they were married in a very private small ceremony in front of witnesses. Congratulations.


Seen Elsewhere

Reeves Red-Faced After Pension Gaffe | Sun
Band’s Fury at Song Being Used at Labour Conference | Buzzfeed
Rachel Reeves’ Pension Howler | Mail
UKIP Propose 90% Cut in Overseas Aid | Breitbart
Ed Milibaaaand | Sun
Ed Miliband Phrase Generator | Guardian
Blair Right About ISIS | Jago Pearson
Miliband Will Be Prime Minister By Default | Alex Wickham
Labout Have Learned Nothing | Jeremy Warner
How Cameron Can Return to No. 10 | Telegraph
Balls Speech Was Mush | FT


VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Before Miliband spoke, a school choir sang ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay. The first verse of which goes like this:

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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