June 2nd, 2014

Rich’s Monday Morning View


240 Comments

  1. 1
    WoRaft Chihuahua says:

    It’s the ships I don’t recognize this week. Do we have any like those left?

  2. 2
    Ukipper says:

    From the guy who brought us into the devolution mess – Tiries can’t be trusted – ever! Vote UKIP

  3. 3
    non taxable pikey says:

    Yes, but not enough. Got a surfeit of Admirals though.

    http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tjN_dEzf2Dc

  4. 4
    Useless Etonian says:

    Cameron will stand up for Britain when Satan Ice Skates to work.

  5. 5
    Socialism is theft says:

    Cameron is a silly old bluffer. No one takes his threats to leave the EU seriously. He has already shown his hand.

  6. 6
    Guffaws says:

    Here’s Wackypedia:

    Juncker chaired the Council of Economic and Financial Affairs (ECOFIN), becoming a key architect of the Maastricht Treaty. Juncker was largely responsible for clauses on economic and monetary union (the process that would eventually give rise to the Euro)

    He’s the man who made the Euro, the biggest disaster ever. Juncker would be hilarious!

  7. 7
    Taxfodder says:

    Falkland spirit…..

    Except Dave you are no Maggie Thatcher…

  8. 8
    British Bulldog says:

    Remember Cameron cut the EU budget, the first person ever to achieve this.

  9. 9
    Cameron is a liberal says:

    Dave drove away all those tory voters that voted for thatcher in their millions because of his liberal values and policies. In his tenure so far he has done nothing conservative at all, nothing. thats because he is a loser. he never won in 2010 against our weakest pm ever. he never won in 2014 and he certainly wont win in 2015. and of course dave and his tory party love the eu.

    vote ukip

  10. 10
    albacore says:

    Never mind the ships – what about the planes?
    Building aircraftless carriers remains
    Somewhat uncaring about Britons’ fates
    If all we faced were Junkers 88s

  11. 11
    Cameron is a liberal says:

    dave has also decimated our armed forces too, dont forget. thats because he knows the eu army is on its way!

  12. 12
    Socialism is theft says:

    But our EU net contributions are rising so we are paying more money to be screwed by it.

    “Britain is to pay an extra £10bn to the European Union over the next five years, the fiscal watchdog has said, as taxpayers here carry the burden of the struggling eurozone.”

  13. 13
    Grant"The Cheeky Chappie" Shapps says:

    As I looked my soon-to-be wife up and down in her wedding dress and said the words, “I do,” she slapped me…

    It obviously wasn’t the reply she was expecting to, “Do you think my bum looks big in this?”

  14. 14
    Socialism is theft says:

    Britannia has been r*ped by the EU while Clegg, Cameron and Miliband have been holding her down.

  15. 15
    your mother says:

    That cartoon is shit

  16. 16
    Ed Miliband says:

    There is only one word to describe it. Fucking insane.

  17. 17
    Men who sleep with their daughter's friends are disgusting says:

    Reading the Press the only reaonable conclusuion to come to about that last EU Summit is that somewhere along the line us taxpayers are being fed lies and twaddle.

    Can we see the agreed minutes of that last Summit signed by all Heads of State ?

  18. 18
    battle of denial says:

    And England expects every man to do his duty!

    Perhaps Horatio Farage can at least complete the task.

  19. 19
    According to Der Spiegel says:

    Merkel is happy to drop Juncker but her lefty coalition partners want us “island monkeys” to piss off and join USA.

  20. 20
    Jean-Claude van Junker says:

    My pet project, the Euro, went down a bomb – in K E Y N S H A M.

  21. 21
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Most of that is to finance the bloated Byzantine bureaucracy in Brussels. Surely don’t think the Spanish taxpayers will get any benefit from it?

  22. 22
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    I see no shits.

  23. 23
    Socialism is theft says:

    Why do we have to join anybody? Nobody asks why Switzerland, Norway, Cambodia, Paraguay, Algeria, etc doesn’t want to become the paymasters of other countries. They are not idiots.

  24. 24
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    A “common market” of commonwealth countries and those with similar cultures like USA would not be a bad idea.

  25. 25
    non taxable pikey says:

    By the time they are finished these will possibly be ready. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2552361/Britains-deadly-superdrone-makes-test-flight-Taranis-unmanned-military-vehicle-surpassed-expectations-air.html

    However, the JSF-35 is also currently being touted but its systems have been compromised by hackers “from another country.”

  26. 26

    GALTIERI LIVES !!

  27. 27
    Socialism is theft says:

    The whole point of UKIP is fro the UK to be independent. The clue is in the name. These Germans are so thick.

  28. 28
    non taxable pikey says:

    The ethnic in the woodpile that nobody seems to want to talk about is QMV. Maybe the politicians are hoping to keep it quiet so that the electorate don’t understand just what will happen to their hard earned freedoms until it’s too late. UKIP should be shouting it from the rooftops.

  29. 29
    Stater of the obvious says:

    That’s two words.

  30. 30
    Horace Batchelor says:

    I’ll repeat that.

  31. 31
    haddock says:

    new here ?

  32. 32
    Bert says:

    The grotesquely obese wimmin of Britain are soon going to be even more grotesque:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2645584/Spread-really-takes-biscuit-Sales-crack-jar-Belgian-toast-topper-soar-Sainsburys-Waitrose.html

    They now have to lean on their supermarket trolleys because they’re too fat to stand up.

  33. 33
    Bert says:

    I’m not, and he’s right :-)

  34. 34
    Bert says:

    Yes, it’ll be published in full as an addendum to the audited and signed-off accounts.

    Or not.

  35. 35
    bogtrott says:

    too little too late.Vote UKIP last chance for the UK.

  36. 36

    You’re way behind in the arms race. The West’s new strategic weapon of choice is the Intercontinental Ballistic Hash Tag. We’ll tweet Empress Merkel and Kommissar-elect Juncker into unconditional surrender.

  37. 37
    BBC Mong says:

    2 planes and 2 ships? Clearly defence cuts have not gone far enough.

  38. 38

    In the same hamburger hell as Elvis, no doubt.

  39. 39
    Banker says:

    Better Euros than the Dollars.

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    If we leave it will take years to get the succeeding treaty paperwork in place. Brexit could be nasty for a good while.

  41. 41
    Still_on_Surveys says:

    That’s qualified Majority Voting for anyone without a degree in Politics.
    It means basically that you fiddle the results of any major voting issue by the imposition of stupid rules.

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Correct. He’s a liar and will do everything he can to keep Britain in the EU.

  43. 43
    A1 says:

    Thing is that when Tabloid reading sheeple parrot about immigrants, they totally forget the fact that foreign women are much tastier, lower maintenance and put out easier.

  44. 44
    A1 says:

    HMRC accounts don’t balance either. Funny why that’s never spoon fed to the sheeple.

  45. 45
    Amhed abdul mohamed mohamed says:

    The Britannia rule de wave no ?

  46. 46
    A1 says:

    Oy Vey! Den ve will not only control USrael but the brits too!

  47. 47
    Shlomo says:

    But ve already do.

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    Says ignorant tosser.

  49. 49
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    The captain goes down with his ship ?

    Abandon hope all ye who enter here !

  50. 50
    Hugh Janus says:

    Vichy Dave in uniform? He’d run a mile, just like the rest of his chums!

  51. 51
    Anna Soubry says:

    “All my constituents are racists.”

    “Was that OK Dave?”

  52. 52
    Liar Watch says:

    Indeed. Judge them by their actions and not their rhetoric. Cameron has been judged to be a liar.

  53. 53
    Mark Oaten (LibDem) says:

    :)

  54. 54
    Talking about My generation. says:

  55. 55

    Abandon hope all ye who enter her?

    So the spit roast is off, is it?

    Good morning, Sir. I trust etc. etc..

  56. 56
    gs_schweik says:

    I recognise the Harriers, but we haven’t got those anymore……….

  57. 57
    Rogered Helmet says:

    WAGE COMPRESSION, ANYONE ?

  58. 58
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Just £10 billion that’s a mere £330 per income tax payer or more simply put an additional 4 days work for no reward. Oh how I love it when these useless politician fritter away the days of my life.

  59. 59
    Village Idiot says:

    ….An empty threat is just that,an empty,meaningless threat,given what has gone before and his past utterances!….Now, only action would counter the cynic!

  60. 60
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

  61. 61
    Morme1985 says:

    **************************************************************
    my neighbor’s step-aunt makes $61 /hour on the computer . She has been fired for 9 months but last month her paycheck was $16411 just working on the computer for a few hours. Check This Out

    ……………………………. W­­W­­W­­.­W­­O­­­R­­­­­K­­S­6­.­­C­­­­ⓞ­­­M

  62. 62
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Vote Labour “Poverty for All”

  63. 63
    Ed Balls says:

    …Is it ?…..

  64. 64
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Mr Juncker’s Wikipedia entry makes interesting reading. He lost office in Luxembourg after the Duchy’s media exposed a scandal involving corruption, malpractice and incompetence in the Luxemburgish intelligence service. Mr. J and his spooks were a little too close.

    Just the chap to foster democracy in the EU!

  65. 65
    Anna Soubry says:

    You’re All RACISTS. For not wanting uncontrolled immigration.

  66. 66
    Bert says:

    Cary actually has “All hope abandon ye who enter here”, which should be chiselled into the “portal’s lofty arch” above “passport control” at Dover.

    /pedant mode OFF

  67. 67
    Obama Lite says:

  68. 68
    Arthur Scargill has left the Building says:

    I don’t really think anything “JUST CALL ME DAVE ” says about anything..especially the EU ..Will be taken as being genuine ..The mans a complete sham…And a pompous prick ….

  69. 69
    Bert says:

    I assume your aunt is a wood-burning stove or perhaps a Bessemer converter, having been fired for 9 months :-)

  70. 70
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    Good morning Sir i was referring to the country
    not a Hunttry

  71. 71
    nell says:

    ++++Laugh++++ Foster democracy in the EU’ ??!!

    There’s more chance of free and fair elections in n. k o r e a !!

  72. 72
    ARP Warden says:

    No thank you. We saw enough of Junkers during the Blitz.

  73. 73
    inside out says:

    With a majority of 389 that was probable not the brightest thing to say.She has obviously had a sniff of power in Government.A word of advice,enjoy the power for 11months,the voters don’t like being called racist.

  74. 74

    nov 1st looms ever closer.

  75. 75
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Vincento: Few come within the compass of my curse
    Wherein I did not some notorious ill;
    As kill a Clegg, or else devise his death;
    Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it;
    For, Libdems, must we e’er go to it.

  76. 76
    Bert says:

    I meant your neighbour’s step-aunt, do forgive me, I was so carried away by the image of her burning non-stop during her pregnancy.

  77. 77

    nov 1st looms ever closer.SO WHAT ILL SAY SO AGAIN. SHEEPLE NEED TO LISTEN.

  78. 78
    Andy Bumhum says:
  79. 79
    Put up or shut up. says:

    And your solution Chuka, your solution to uncontrolled immigration from an out of control EU?

  80. 80
    Francis Drake says:

    I am playing with my bowels at Plymouth.

  81. 81
    Cheqemated says:

    Cameron clone Robert Jenrick, another Tory boy squillionaire who is trying to con the good people of Newark into voting for him on Thursday has been exposed by the Mail on Sunday as a serial liar.
    > Sez he has no political experience. He has been working for the Tories and the Dems in the US for years.
    > Sez he’s a small businessman. He has inherited his wealth from the Christies international auction house.
    > Sez he’s a local man who understands local people and problems. Yeah, right…he has a £5 m country pad in Hertfordshire and TWO £2m homes in London.

    > Vote UKIP to get your country and democracy back from the crooks and spivs of LibLabCon.

  82. 82
    nell says:

    Anything to take the spotlight off militwit’s total lack of policies.

  83. 83
    Hannibal Lecter says:

    “foreign women are much tastier”

    When washed down with a nice chianti.

  84. 84
    Labour just Love spending Money says:

    The money coming from Where?
    The money going to where?

    The last time Labour did this the money disappeared into PFI then and for generations to come and made all the senior NHS public servants millionaires.

  85. 85
    Apthorpe says:

    Totally correct. This is a PR tactic to take the attention from the fact that Dave will never take Britain out of the EU. Indeed he sooner see the division of Britain (indeed it’s end) ranther than leave it. This is just a bit of valueless twaddle to throw to the masses in the hope of making him look tough in the week of the election in Newark.
    Vote UKIP if you’re able to in Newark this week keep the pressure on LibLacCon!

  86. 86
    A member of the public says:

    I don’t have a degree in politics, and I know what QMV stands for,

  87. 87
    nell says:

    It’s no good asking chuckusyamoney for solutions! He’s labour, labour don’t to policies or solutions. And whatever you do, don’t ask them for an opinion the economy, because your average five year old can give you a much more intelligent answer.

    Labour jump on bandwagons, briefly, and then issue little soundbites and hope that nobody notices that they’re all hot air and no substance.

  88. 88
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Labour – No.1 in a series of lies before the 2015 election. No.2 will be free bacon butties for all.

  89. 89
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    Tony B-liar is about to give a grand speech on European union reform !

    It will go something like this

    After in depth discussions with my good friend George W(anker) Bush we have come to the conclusion that those Kraut bastards have stockpiled weapons of mass distruction and along with their French colaborators , would not hesitate to use them if we even atempt to close our borders to the Roma of Europe
    they feel they have suffered long enough with this race of thieving good for nothing parasites , and now it’s our turn
    but rest assured people , as a swell kind of guy , i’m the only man in europe who can chill Adolf Merkel and Shotarseys quest to destroy our country So vote for ME ! as the next EU president or i’ll just cause another war
    cause thats the kind of guy i am

  90. 90
    Vote LibLabCon, get Sharia. says:

    It’s actually one plane, one ship and one very big mirror.

  91. 91
    Anonymous says:

    Stop lying. She said some not all.

  92. 92
    nell says:

    They did that during their 13 years of terror and we ended up with death camps. Will they never learn?

  93. 93
    David threat to quit Cameroon says:

    Oooh, er…..Still got more admirals than Paraguay.

  94. 94
    Apthorpe says:

    He’s not a local and indeed he’s an example of the EU loving oligarchy that now thinks the Conservative Party is their way to wealth and power. They have no conception of true social mobilty nor the policies needed to create it. In many respects more odious than millibeans pathetic neo-socialism, at least with millibean he is totally transparent as tw_t.

  95. 95
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Same old Labour: if there’s a problem, throw other people’s money at it.

  96. 96
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Why does the BBC always forget to say “The BBC’s Jimmy Savile”. Why does the BBC wish to distance itself from Savile, after all he was one of there own.

  97. 97
    Liam Byrne ( aka Baldemort ) says:

    There is a deep tradition that Labour ‘governments’ always end with devaluation, a financial crisis and a budgetary meltdown.

  98. 98
    Apthorpe says:

    Exactly! Dave simply trots out a total piece of PR bollocks, in my book a cut means I pay less than I did before not more.

  99. 99
    Mark Oaten (LibDem) says:

    Empty the contents in my mouth.

  100. 100
    Not the leader of Swindon council says:

    Why do people sit around on comment boards all day, tagging their posts with ‘vote UKIP’?

    How tedious and futile.

  101. 101
    jgm2 says:

    Aye. And some MPs are complete c*unts.

  102. 102
    Vote LibLabCon, get Sharia. says:

    Coming from: tax rises (oh well, that’s the economic recovery shafted, and the “cost of living crisis” made worse)

    Going to: all the health tourists and other foreign spongers LibLabCon allow to flood into the country.

  103. 103
    Glyn H says:

    Admiral Lord West just been on Today making very sensible points about the importance of the Navy to a maritime nation: SO WHY IN THE NAME OF HADES DID HE JOIN THE GOVENMENT OF THAT DISGUSTING TREACHEROUS CLOWN?

  104. 104
    David threat to quit Cameroon says:

    ‘Hackers from another country’, all the usual suspects I suppose.

  105. 105
    Ed Millibaconbuttie says:

    Ha
    Do you always talk yo your own responses. Yes you did…you know you did

  106. 106
    How_Can_Politicians_Get_Things_So_Wrong says:

    You would think the sort of things we see today could only happen in a parallel universe.
    Only yesterday Anna Soubry (con) sits on Andy Marr’s couch and glibly utters a soliloquy about immigration being good for everybody, echoing strangely what her colleague Buckland said, only that gloating little twerp has 3500 votes over his enemies – not 389 in the case of Anna’s knife-edge fool’s paradise. You’d think they would know how to read the direction of the wind – wouldn’t you!
    And today we have Iron Dave threatening to actually bring forward a Referendum on Europe, a bit like hardened criminal Fletcher threatening to “go straight”.
    Well, in that case the sentiment here would be to opt for Juncker – surely!?

  107. 107
    Vote LibLabCon, get Sharia. says:

    Because his victims were hideously white? Being a child abuser on BBC property is one thing, being a racist child abuser is quite another.

  108. 108
    David threat to quit Cameroon says:

    ……and why did he make that grovelling apology and withdrawal?

  109. 109
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

  110. 110
    Ed Millibaconbuttie says:

    What Gordon brown you mean? The man who did destroy are navy. I guess you wernt interested then though and quite happy living in your socialist utopia

  111. 111
    David threat to quit Cameroon says:

    Is it icy in Brussels?

  112. 112
    Spartacus says:

    render unto junkers that which is . . .

  113. 113
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    The young lady tells Miliband that he stinks of bacon.

  114. 114
    Spartacus says:

    in its place he has attracted (!) the homosexual vote and kept the lib-bum-boys on side

  115. 115
    They just can't resist trying to trick the public. says:

    By the way. The cartoon is correct.

    Dave is so easy to read these days, manipulative and completely without principles. Just like his two partners LibLab.

  116. 116

    Indeed. And today we have Blair lecturing Europe about the very mess he was instrumental in creating.

    Don’t forget all those who simply fly into LHR. Nor those days when anyone could fly in because there was no one on immigration, they had given up and gone home. Or maybe they were on strike? Blair/Brown’s time again.

  117. 117
    Nigel Farage says:

    Cameron will fall at the first EU hurdle, which will be over the new EAW laws.

  118. 118
    Spartacus says:

    you are a BT worker, and i claim my five pounds

  119. 119
    UKIP for the people says:

    *Cough* Tedious and futile, you say.

  120. 120

    I thought you said something about going down. It made my ears prick up. (Have I got that round the right way?)

  121. 121
    nell says:

    He’ll only be giving that speech when he’s negotiated a very generous fee for it. The money is first last and everything to the bliars.

  122. 122
    Dave says:

    Money for my newly married Lesbians and homos so that the NHS can create babies for them.

  123. 123
    Tom Catesby says:

    Likely to get the job eh? Certainly if Obergauleiter Merkel says so. Although, it could be good news for UKIP , in the sense that, Juncker could be used as a stick to beat the EUSSR with in the run up to GE 2015.

  124. 124
    nell says:

    He lacks social skills in exactly the same way that brown did. Why does labour keep electing the socially awkward people to the leadership?

  125. 125
    2-week wait to see a GP says:

    I think we’ve had enough immigration to last a lifetime, don’t you?

  126. 126
    Me says:

    Savile’s first television role was as a presenter of Tyne Tees Television’s music programme Young at Heart.

  127. 127

    Interesting that Samuel Rogers pulled Cary’s chestnuts out of the fire twice. He brought him to prominence in the first case. Then he secured him a pretty decent pension for those days when his British Museum post of Keeper of the Printed Books did not materialise.

  128. 128
    Len McCluskey says:

    Labour didn’t; they voted for Dave Miliband, but in the interests of democracy their decision was ‘corrected’.

  129. 129
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    Just think if we left the EU !
    What our £55 million a day contributions could do
    we could resurface our worn out motorways , that now have more hole in them than your averagefarm track we could build some more schools so that our kids can go to school in the town where they live
    we could go back to our BRITISH passports to halt the influx of all europes criminals
    we could go back to having a military
    we could have law and order
    we could have lower taxes
    we could have our health system back
    and we could build factories and businesses that actually produce things
    just a small step on the path of returning this country to the GREAT Britain it once was

  130. 130
    jgm2 says:

    If throwing money at the NHS worked then we wouldn’t have had the North Stafs Death Camp operating during the Imbecility.

    It’s incredible.

    They define a ‘problem then define a ‘solution’ and then take the ‘solution’ to its extreme. Throwing money at the NHS. Creating one million public sector jobs and pay them with borrowed and printed money. Throwing open the doors to several million 3rd world immigrants from Sh*it*is*tan and when it doesn’t work and it all goes to shit what is their conclusion?

    That they fucked up? That they were wrong?

    Not a fucking bit of it.

    Naaah, they declare that they were on the right track all along – they just needed more money to throw at the NHS, more public sector workers, more borrowed and printed money, more immigrants from Sh*it*is*tan.

    What is wrong with these people?

  131. 131
    BBC Spokesman says:

    And now the Royal Baby

  132. 132
    Camelot says:

    Or 55 Millionaire Lottos every day!

  133. 133
    Paddy Power says:

    If you live in Newark,
    Vote UKIP, get 3/1
    Vote UKIP, get UKIP.
    Simples.

  134. 134
    Him says:

    Surely it was Young at Hand?

  135. 135
    Vote LibLabCon, get Shariah. says:

    We’d get our fishing industry back, too.

  136. 136
    C.O.Jones says:

    I agree.

    Vote UKIP.

  137. 137
    Spartacus says:

    Frankie my Boy, it has not been Great Britain for at least thirty years.

    It is the United Kingdom.

    Stanley Gibbons had us in their stamp collectors books (alphabetically) after Germany. Now, well, soon to be subsumed into the great superstate.

    And no, not the america-canada single currency superstate.

  138. 138
    What we all know says:

    Well said..

  139. 139
    Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:

    No thanks.

  140. 140
    Guido Fawkes says:

    It’s a bank holiday here in Ireland. I’m all alone in The Guy News Room.

    *unzips*

  141. 141
    pookie snackumberger says:

    He looks like one of those tinplate automatons.

  142. 142
    Spartacus says:

    scotch fishing industry will be exempt cos they will be exchanging their birthright for common market hand outs

  143. 143
    Go_Girl says:

    She’s probably saying:
    “Only if you are really outstanding in the foreplay”

  144. 144
    jgm2 says:

    In a sense he is quite right.

    It wasn’t the EU that forced the Maximum Imbecile to employ 1,000,000 public sector workers and pay them with borrowed money. It wasn’t the EU that forced the Maximum Imbecile to rig interest rates and stand by and watch a housing boom flood the UK with billions in borrowed ‘feel-good’ prosperity. It wasn’t the EU that forced Blair to rig the ‘evidence’ for a war in Iraq. It wasn’t the EU that forced Labour to take several million immigrants from Sh*it*is*tan to rub the right’s nose in diversity.

    All this and more are entirely the fault of our own home-grown jackasses. And the voters have had enough of it which is why they are abandoning the jackasses that got us to this point and choosing another party. Sure, they may be no better but they couldn’t possibly be any worse and at least Chukka and Brown and Cameron and the rest of the c*unts will be clutching a P45.

    I’m not bothered (much) about leaving the EU. I don’t give a fuck to be honest. But I do feel very strongly that the LabCon fuckwittery that has got us to this point needs kicking in the bollocks and if that means voting for Bus Pass Elvis, Monster Raving Loony or UKIP then so be it. I will vote for anybody who stands a fair chance of giving all the incumbents their P45.

  145. 145
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    Breaking news

    Spains king Juan Carlos caught Abdicating his son Fellip to take over

  146. 146
    Lord Oakshit says:

  147. 147
    Big Chief Talking Bull says:

    How?

  148. 148
    C.O.Jones says:

    I notice that the stats are always incorrect in that respect. They all use 365 days earnings to dilute the outcome. In reality we probably work 230 days per year but the calculations are done over 365 days.
    So in terms of working days as earning days and not rest days is diluted. ie 10 working days is actually 14 days. Lies, damn lies and statistics.

  149. 149
    Vote LibLabCon, get Shariah. says:

    When Hitler’s plans didn’t deliver the anticipated results, he concluded that those trying to implement them must be lacking “National Socialist fervour”. That’s probably what Ed thinks. All that’s needed is more committed Party members dedicating themselves to Ed’s One Nation Socialism. And when that doesn’t work, Ed’ll draw the same conclusion again.

  150. 150
    WW2 historian says:

    Bad luck, Tommy.

  151. 151
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Tedious and futile? Did you not notice the recent election results?

  152. 152
    Hamlet says:

    O most pernicious Cable!
    O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
    My tables—meet it is I set it down
    That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain—
    At least I am sure it may be so in Westminster.

  153. 153
    Tel E. Caster says:

    “Stuka” Juncker: overweight, ungainly and easily shot down.

  154. 154
    Vote LibLabCon, get Shariah. says:

    Prince Charles sits next to phone in feverish anticipation of call from muma.

  155. 155
    Julius Caesar says:

    And some that smile have in their hearts, I fear,
    Millions of mischiefs

  156. 156
    Vote LibLabCon, get Shariah. says:

    +1. Independence in Europe, innit.

  157. 157
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    I saw a little of the step-aunt on her webcam but my credit card details failed and I was cut off after 45 seconds.

  158. 158
    Undervalued Royal Mail says:

    About 1,000 Millions, if you ask us…

  159. 159
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    I’d rather have Sepp Blatter as president.

  160. 160
    Tel E. Caster says:

    People who use words like “sheeple” in an argument can safely be ignored.

  161. 161
    thostids says:

    Correct. He was given the job by the Heseltine, Hurd, Howe and Heathite wing of the Tories because he is a committed (!) Europhile, die-in-ditch for Europe nominee. He knows that he wants a big job in the Euro-gravy train, as do all the politicos of all the historic parties. But you only get to suckle from the teat of the Euro-cow until some disobliging sod like Nige’ saunters up and takes a captive-bolt gun to it.
    Cameron is a liar. We all know it. Nothing is negotiable with Europe and as for influencing the core freedom of movement of labour…just how stupid does he think we are?
    He should simply tell the truth or stand down and let an anti-Euro sceptic into his place. It’s academic because UKIP has got the range and will blow Cameron out of the water. I don’t give the bastard any longer than “The Mighty Hood” took to blow up and sink.

  162. 162
    Tel E. Caster says:

    … speaks the voice of experience (yeah, right!).

  163. 163
    Newark News says:

    Ukip wins the Newark by-election. A disappointed Dave plays some questions about the EU and immigration to with a straight bat, but he nicks a question about Tory EU splits to square leg where it is caught by the BBC.

    Labour are relieved that the focus is now on Dave and the Tories rather than the remarkable Ed. Axelrod vetoes an Ed photo op with a plate of spaghettti. “No way are we letting that guy anywhere near fucking spaghetti. Jesus. Fuck.”, roars Alexrod according a Labour insider. Someone unlocks the cupboard where Ed Balls is kept, looks in, and then locks it again.

    The Lib Dems are delighted that the focus is now on Dave and the Tories and not on their electoral disasters and their backstabbing ways. “As soon as the nation stops laughing about Ed Davey being our preferred successor to Clegg,
    we’re back in business”, says a Lib Dem spokeman.

    I’m either in front of Guido, or a complete guesser.

  164. 164
    The Growler says:

    Yup, it’s like a toy balloon formed into a long baseball bat. Apart from the top brass in the military no one is in te mood for a “good war” besides Gideon says we can not afford it. I wonder what Dave would do if Mrs Merkle, stood behind him and shout in his ear “BOO”

  165. 165
    JH2382198E409283 says:

    Our lifetimes may also be considerably shorter thanks to immigration, so it is a double whammy.

    Imagine how much better the NHS could be if the money spent on the treatment of TB etc for people who have not paid in a penny was channelled towards improving it instead.

    PS – by ‘improving’, I don’t mean ‘making bigger’. Quite the opposite.

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

  167. 167

    Vote UKIP :-D

  168. 168
    Norma Stitz says:

    Brown ‘appealed to his sense of duty.’ Yeah, right. He loves dressing up and the ermine was irresistable.

  169. 169
    The Growler says:

    It should be obligatory to have permanent residency in a constituency ( not a “holiday home”, for at least 5 years, preferably 10 years, before they can stand for election as an MP

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    He looks like he’s got kiddy treats is pocket.

  171. 171
    thostids says:

    We’ve got more fucking MPs than we need, too, but they don’t get any less in number despite promises to cull them. I suppose it’s something else the useless -pillock Liberal sandalistas can be blamed for blocking.
    How about a deal with the MoD? 1 for 1. We could then start on Lieutenant Generals……

  172. 172
    C.O.Jones says:

    Haha, that is funny, RedEd with a plate of spaghetti! :)

  173. 173
    Anonymous says:

    Thithors, paper, wok.

  174. 174
    Round the Bend says:

    It’s Captain Pugwash and I claim my £5.

  175. 175

    It must have been a while since you were last in Dover. There hasn’t been a “passport control” in Dover for several years now. All the passport controls, such as they are, take place in France.

  176. 176
    Dave's Imaginary Navy says:

    Taking a leaf out of my heroes.’ book…Lord Palmerston and Lady Thatcher I have to-day despatched a naval task force led by HMS Santer and HMS Delours”(named in honour of the UK’s past victories in Europe to Antwerp within easy striking distance of Brussels should the “Argies”(oops sorry slip of the tongue….I meant Eurocrats)cut up rough to enforce the “Pax Britannica” in the region

  177. 177
    JH2382198E409283 says:

    We have too many people who are Always offended, Never ashamed.

    It’s that simple.

  178. 178
    Nigel says:

    I admire Putin. Putin supports Argentina on the Falklands.

  179. 179
    The Growler says:

    The only trouble is the LibLabConners at the head of each party, just do not understand why so many seemingly different idealogical ideas want to vote UKip. They do it to give the LIBLABCONNERS A PROPER GOOD KICKING UP THE BACKSIDE TO TRY TO BRING THEM BACK TO EARTH INSTEAD OF LIVING IN THE CLOUDS. All this “We feel your pain” will no longer wash from any of them, the ordinary have had enough!

  180. 180
    Importing people for profit and party gain says:

    They talk like if the sh!t with see with our own eyes happening every single day is somehow nothing to do with them, as if it was all down to mysterious natural forces outside their own control.

    When you import millions of unwanted people into a country already blighted with serious economic and social problems, against the wishes of the native people, just what the fcuk do you think will happen?

    Do they think we Britons are just abstract, interchangeable and ultimately disposable units, existing merely for the benefit of the Liblabcon and big business?

  181. 181
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loony, closet racist, crank and gadfly says:

    Think about it Newark. Don’t be fooled by the proven serial liar Cameron and his mini me Jenrick who’s also telling porkies to try to fool you into voting for him.

    The Mail on Sunday of all papers exposed him, there’s a message there.

    Vote UKIP, get UKIP.
    Vote tory, get another lying, loaded, EU worshipper.

  182. 182
    RichUpNorth says:

    If you chucked Junckers off a tall building would he scream like a Stuka? We could at least try.

    Achtung, vote UKIP!

  183. 183
    joolz says:

    Ive not seen any pictures of the “normal state educated, down to earth chappy” MP that the Conservatives are pushing for?

    Where is he, why dont we see him giving interviews? has he got something to hide

  184. 184
    Village Idiot says:

    ….”How full of briars is this working-day world”……..(Billy)

  185. 185
    joolz says:

    Getting Desperate, trying to stop UKIP from doing a job he has had 3 years+ to work on.

    Time to buy some new underpants Mr Cameron, thursdays could be a real bad day for you and your bum chums

  186. 186
    Village Idiot says:

    ……+1…..here,here……

  187. 187
    Admiral Tom Phillips says:

    Quite possibly. One of the main and unspoken reasons for the carriers still being built (and you can forget all that nonsense about too expensive to cancel as no actually knows how much these carriers will actually cost it was always going to be cheaper to cancel them) is the role they let Britain play in supporting the US in any future Pacific rim conflicts. They are in effect designed to fulfil US Navy battle plans against China. If Britain had designed a carrier for it’s own national needs you’d have had a bigger version of the Invincible class optimsed for ASW in the main (as an island unable to feed itself the greatest non-nuclear strategic threat from a hostile nation state is submarine disruption of our shipping).
    Just one more example of our elites vanity distorting our limited military resources.

  188. 188
    Dick the Butcher says:

    Agreed – I find the notion of Labourites bleating about a shortage of housing exceedingly risible.

  189. 189
    Spartacus says:

    General Election 2010: Newark[22]

    Party Candidate Votes % ±%
    Conservative Patrick Mercer 27,590 53.9 +3.4
    Labour Ian Campbell 11,438 22.3 −6.0
    Liberal Democrat Pauline Jenkins 10,246 20.0 +1.6
    UKIP Rev Major Tom Irvine 1,954 3.8 +1.0

    Majority 16,152 31.5
    Turnout 51,228 71.4 +8.0

    Any swing that pushes the liblabcon down the list or loses the deposit of one of them would be good.

  190. 190
    Norm Normal says:

    Don’t need em. They were mainly for close air support and the apache does a better job.
    The 1st F-35 will be at Farnborough next month.

  191. 191
    Vicious Circle says:

    But, but, but everyone knows the NHS is staffed by immigrants and would collapse otherwise!

    Apparently immigrants themselves never get ill and use the NHS.

    Hey, I’ve got a really radical idea. Instead of importing more people, how about we start training our own people. I know, I know it’s a crazy idea, but it might just work.

  192. 192
    Anon. says:

    Labour Party with new “warning” leaflet, wonder what lies this time?

  193. 193
    Ed Milihopeless says:

    I am banning bacon to tacle the cotht of obethity cwithith!

  194. 194
    non taxable pikey says:

    Ah So…

  195. 195
    Lybian Refugee says:

    is it col.Gaddafi

  196. 196
    State primary school educated Tory on a parachute says:

    I’m busy with my property portfolio right now, but I can empathise with you low wage oiks.

  197. 197
    Ed Milihopeless says:

    I am twying a new sthwategy – telling the truth.
    Leafleth sayth “WARNING – don’t trust Labour! We have bankrupted the country 3 times in the last 100 years.”

  198. 198
    Lord Vince of Kabel says:

    The Remnants of the Torty party are holding a Sale… everything must go
    before extinction sets in.

  199. 199
    thostids says:

    The JSF 35 is the ultimate white elephant. Supposedly invisible to modern radar, it is readily apparent to the old analogue radar. It allegedly comes nowhere near its commissioning spec’ and, presently, is a useless piece of junk that might not even get beyond prototype. Ho ho ho. That’s fucked the two Big Targets aka Queen Elizabeth and Prince of Wales. “Now then, Chief of Naval Staff, what are we going to fly off the QE?” “Paper fucking darts, Prime Minister, and helicopters”
    Well, at least Cameron scrapped our VTOL capability. We will probably end up flying French Dassault off the singleton Big Target that might get built and finished. Once the hulk of target No.2 is finished, they might as well mothball it then. We can, no doubt, lease an empty Nuclear Berth in Scotland at some extravagant rate to store the rotting hulk in until it gets turned into razor blades in Bangladesh in a few years when we’ve forgotten that Brown beggared an empty English Bank of England to keep the Scots voting for his Party. The ungrateful bastards!

  200. 200
    Spineless Dave says:

    I have already indicated my feelings for the EU in much the same way that McMental signaled his intentions to sell gold.

    I have no bargaining position, I am but a wet fart in the underpants of history.

  201. 201
    Balls Ed says:

    Eleventy words!

  202. 202
    Ha and Ha and thrice Ha says:

    But he hasn’t attracted gay voters – they still hate him anyway – simply because he is a tory.

  203. 203
    I'm A.M. says:

    You’ve not been to Tower Hamlets, then.

  204. 204
    Chil Kott says:

    Aw, he wants to see a report, how quaint.

  205. 205
    a man can dream says:

    Hanseatic League #2

    then let the other European countries join on our terms:

    – fully democratic accountability
    – corruption prevented
    – no Common Agricultural Policy that creates a protections EU zone
    – countries cooperate but retain sovereignty

  206. 206
    Ho says:

    Local candidate tells Chukka “Vote Labour or I’ll eat you.”

  207. 207
    hmm? says:

    UKIP support employing people in the UK without differentiating by nationality, race or creed.

    It’s further immigration we want to have more control over.

    Are you really that thick?

  208. 208
    Isabella (necessary on a bicycle) says:

    … man, proud man,
    Dressed in a little brief authority,
    Most ignorant of what he’s most assured,
    His glassy essence, like an angry ape,
    Plays such fantastic tricks before high heaven
    As make the angels weep.

  209. 209
  210. 210
    Admiral Tom Phillips says:

    There was once a time when every school boy knew the importance of the Navy. We now have a Navy built on the conflicting fantasies of indulged admirals who go along with the stupidity of politicians in the hope of an extra gong on retirement.
    Our Navy simply has too few ships and in some cases the wrong kind (the Type 45 is what you get when you change mission several times and then live in a fantasy that you can be like the US Navy) the carriers are total lunacy in the form we have them. Blair and Brown are the main villians but Cameron should have cancelled them outright and then allowed the Navy to plan for a better fleet that matches capability to our needs.

  211. 211
    tossa wotch says:

    devon is a classy boy

  212. 212
    Banker's Onuses says:

    Spending money is one thing.

    Increasing the customer base by another 5 million immigrants is another.

  213. 213
    pleb i'sight says:

    Handshake or a crotch grab?

  214. 214
    Bit of sense says:

    Or better yet move the decision into the hands of the Royal Navy. Give them a budget and give them the freedom. Oversight only to ensure no corruption and that money isn’t just thrown into one admiral or another’s pet projects.

  215. 215
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    Dave run a mile? Sir, you surely jest? :-)

  216. 216
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    Idiot! There will be no succeeding treaty paperwork. If we are not part of it we have no interest at all in their treaties among themselves. Plus the world is a big place to trade with if the cvnts start to get awkward.

  217. 217
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    He has a remarkable likeness to that Cyril fellow. Is he in the right party?

  218. 218
    thostids says:

    Nah. We spent a fortune refurbing the GR7s and then sold them to the US Marines.
    They are excellent ground support and stunningly good at combat. Ask the Argies.
    But, the Yanks absolutely insist that we buy 148 of these mythical F-35s. “Economy” of scale. So far, like the Carriers they’re supposed to go on, they are very late, massively over budget. Don’t do anything like meet their specifications, are highly visible to radar and thus SAMs, in fact, they are as useless as chocolate fire guards.
    But then, a man who can scrap the best plane in the World, and think he’s clever for doing it, is going to buy these white elephants by the herd.

  219. 219
    thostids says:

    Didn’t the EU reinstate the cut and then send Campitup the bill?

  220. 220
    thostids says:

    A collaborator. Bring that stool and scissors.

  221. 221
    thostids says:

    Haven’t they run out of missionaries in Tower Hamlets? I’m sure that Archbishop Justintime Porthole Welby can send a few more for the pot. Are they getting their fiveaday vegetables too?
    You’ve got to give it to these boys. They’ve got a terrific recipe for slow-roasted missionary. Firstly, 100 lashes should really tenderise your average joint. Keep it on the bone as this helps to cook the meat all the way through. Nothing worse than stringy Vicar. Give it a good covering in flour and seal in hot pan. In due course, in a boiling pot allow at least 1 gallon of fluid per 100 rioters, put a good selection of root vegetables. These can be looted in large quantities from any good supermarket. For the Animists and Mohammedans of easy-going approach to alcohol, a few bottles of full-bodied red wine will really bring out the taste of bean-fed Liberal whiteman.
    Allowing at least 3 days for the full flavour of the vegetables to go in, and don’t forget the garlic or Bouquets Garnie, give your pot roast at least 7 or 8 hours at regulo 4. If you are unsure how hot that is, burn down a local furniture store.
    Make sure you have plenty of local firewater, and when you’re ready, burn down another furniture store as the Sun will be going down and it might get a little cold.
    Now sit back and watch the Fire Service come out and stop the fire spreading.

  222. 222
    thostids says:

    Entirely. Which bit of ” Fuck Off” wouldn’t they get? If Mrs Merkel doesn’t like it, perhaps she can re-organise a few Happy Panzer Divisions from the Falaise Gap and send them “Gegen England?” A little bit of Oompah Band and ask if Hermann Van Rompuy is doing anything that afternoon as they’re looking for the next generation of war criminals and he looked like a dead-ringer for Doenitz.

  223. 223
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    Like this? No not really. That lipstick is enough toput even David Blanket off.

  224. 224
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    NOBODY but nobody has the fucking right not to be offended, so they can all just effoff and be offended somewhere else.

  225. 225
    Flaming Torches R Us says:

    .. and according to the man on the telly today, his victims numbered something like 50,000! He should be dug up and buried alive…

  226. 226
    Necrophiliac Dating Agency-Just Where Do They Dig These People Up From? says:

    Probably so people are turned-off from talking to them and thus asking awkward questions like “What did you have for Breakfast”?

  227. 227
    Necrophiliac Dating Agency-Just Where Do They Dig These People Up From? says:

    I’ve only got a small Computer Screen, is that Miliband in the pram?

  228. 228
    Werner Von Braun says:

    They’re available for inspection on request at Alpha Centauri. Pay for your own rocket.

  229. 229
    Werner Von Braun says:

    Obviously, Mr Blatter’s dad was such a big fan of Sepp Dietrich, Hitler’s fireman. Sepp didn’t take any prisoners at Oradour-sur-Glane. Just herded everyone into buildings and burnt them down. Clearly this is the mock-ironic use of the term “fireman”. In answer to those clamouring for it, Mr Sepp Blatter won’t resign, no witnesses-no pack drill. Merely because every other bugger was drowning in presents and folding stuff to vote for Qatar is no reason to think that their Boss knew anything about it. It might be better if, rather than inviting one’s village to spontaneously burst into flames when everyone is at Church, that Mr Blatter is left in post until he receives his final posting, and in the meantime another, parallel Universe is set up.

  230. 230
    "Can you see what it is yet?" says:

    And he has been taught “body language for beginners” by the same comedian that taught Ed Balls. Just look at Campitup when he’s being interviewed. They’ve all been taught that because the camera is focused close to them that their movements have to be compressed. It’s a bit like the silly sods are signing their own words except in Swahili or Urdu. And what of Balls? Well he’s been told that he has to have “open eyes” to convey honesty. Consequently, he looks like a Barn Owl on speed. Lately, someone has told him he actually looks more like a drug-crazed murderer and he’s trying to reduce the level of drug-fuelled hysteria he is communicating. I have this image of the naked organist in Monty Python looking at one in the manner of Balls giving interviewers the “honest eyes” look. “Cracking toast, Gromit”.

  231. 231
    Just Desserts says:

    You will need several tons of commercial explosives plus a week or two to cut the re-bar. This may have the result of rearranging a few inmates of the cemetery he’s hiding in. Mr Savile knew perfectly well that the last thing he was going to get was a long lie-in so arranged for McAlpine’s Fusiliers to cement the bugger into his own Fuhrer-Bunker and he ain’t coming out quietly.
    I personally would love to shift his coffin with enough Semtex to move Filey into West Yorkshire but the loved ones of the other slumberers in God’s plot might object.
    Wouldn’t it be useful to have a small sewage works reserved for the really, utterly despicable and detested we keep producing? Then when the perverts politicians etc are unmasked, even after death, they can be exhumed, cremated and scattered into the works so that everyone knows that everyone in that plot got what they deserved, treated like shit and pissed on every day?

  232. 232
    Nigel Farage says:

    You know Scameron’s only against Wa/Juncker because he’s from a conservative Christian/Democrat background!

  233. 233
    Smoke and mirrors says:

    He’s the sacrificial component in the system. Somebody in the background makes the decisions whilst Odd Ed gets his picture in No.10 and the History Books.
    This is quite common in British Politics. Thus, Churchill was the improvident drunk that Eden and Macmillan covered their backs with. After Drugged-up Eden was fooled into the political catastrophe that Suez was by Macmillan, who then emerged to “rescue” the situation, both Eden and Churchill slipped into oblivion.
    Major was just another fall guy because the public wouldn’t buy Hurd or Howe, but they were there. Today, Campitup Cameron has accepted the poisoned chalice for his moment in history. The public’s hatred clearly doesn’t bother him. Behind him is Howe, Heseltine and Clark, and others. And so to “Wallace”. No mates – No policies – No Party. They’ve sent Blur back, like Mandelson was sent back for Brown.
    And what of Clog? Well there’s Law, not exactly “normal” with his bent expenses behaviour and homosexuality. He’s bright but not as we know it. Then there’s Hughes. How can a bi-sexual claim any degree of normalcy? Forget Clog, he’s just a self- deluding, narcissist. Cable? Oh pulease. He’s not even allowed to go anywhere near the job he’s nominally doing because he doesn’t do “Quasi – judicial function”. As for Oakeshitt trying to get him blown into Clog’s place…what for? Clearly, more camouflage for current Cabinet members.
    So, you see, no one wants to carry the can except the really, really rich boys who don’t care what real people think of them.

  234. 234
    Smoke and mirrors says:

    Clearly, his education stopped at Primary level or he would have mentioned the Direct Grant Secondary that his grandmama paid for.

  235. 235
    The Rim Groper says:

    Bad news, Vince. Cameron is really a suicide bomber and he’s taking you all with him. Bang!

  236. 236
  237. 237
    Jack Ketch says:

    Are you wearing your Infra-Drawers?

  238. 238
    Racist Koos says:

    A gay cannibal was asked how he was enjoying his meal. He replied “Ize havin’ a ball brudder”.

  239. 239
    Racist Koos says:

    Who is that with Chukka? Is it his lunch?

  240. 240
    Robbo says:

    These cartoons are pretty pisspoor – can’t you get anyone else to do one for a change?


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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