September 2nd, 2013

Handycock Too Sick For Court… But Not Portsmouth Council

Self-confessed teen fondler Mike Hancock says he is too ill to be investigated or face a court. His illness means he doesn’t turn up for parliament much either, he has spoken in zero debates this year and attended well under half of the votes. It hasn’t however stopped him from clocking up the hours as a councillor down in Portsmouth. This summer he claimed over £4,000 as his allowance for 80 hours a month as a councillor down on the south coast. Lucky them…


  1. 1
    Margaret Moran says:

    It’s a Piece of Cake Mike

    • 3
      Anonymous says:

      Errm… His personal issues aside… Wouldn’t it just make sense he can attend portsmouth council more than london?

    • 26
      Hancock 's Mum says:

      Dear Mr Justice Cocklecarrot

      I hope you will excuse Michael going to Court today as he has had a nasty cold and is still feeling a bit poorly and I am afraid that tne rougher sort of boy will tease him.

      Yours sincerely

      Edith Hancock (Mrs)

  2. 2
    Old Rope says:

    I take it Council expenses are based on a no show no pay arrangement?

  3. 4
    lescrompsblogg says:

    Not a thing we can do about it because the “Recall Bill” is #backunderthecarpet

  4. 5
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Clegg has no respect for women – he knows the truth about Hancock yet does nothing to purge him from the party & from office.

  5. 8
    Questioner says:

    What happened to Eric Pickles’ plans to stop councillors being given automatic rights to local authority pensions?

    • 79
      The Conservative Party says:

      Nothing. There are loads of tories who are also on that particular gravy train.

  6. 9
    Jimmy Savile says:

    I’d vote for him!

  7. 10
    You are one year too late Chuks. Different if U said summert at the time but now blatant opportunism says:
    • 43
      Fishy says:

      For stuff that wasn’t actually exported

      Never mind, Vicky Drearyshire gave you a BJ on the BBC this morning with as much time as you wanted to rabbit on, mislead the listener, avoid any nasty or embarrassing questions and say sweet FU.

      Chucky is another Labour fraud

      • 56
        The rise of the political blow job says:

        The BBC must spread its sexual favors in a less biased way.

        Paxman’s non persual of Hammond’s Sadam faux pas on NN last week seemed to do this. But then looking back was really giving more rope.

        Allegra Stratton proved herself to be a less than useless Labour shill who whose auto cue seems to be a laptop fiber linked to Labour HQ.

        • 67
          DtP says:

          Allegra though? You would, wouldn’t ya? Oh yes, you would? Or is it just me? Hmm…Allegra….Strap-on – no, Allegra, step away from the buckles, whaddya doin’? Stop it…I don’t work for the BBC, i’m not that type of boy.

          I think I should probably get back to work..

  8. 11
    jmf says:

    Bugger all to do with thread but I turned on my radio yesterday (world service) and they were chuntering an about being G@y in Somalia last week they had a programe about being G@y in P@kiland, couple of weeks before that was being G@y in the Turkish bloody army for phucks sake. Is it in the bbc charter that they have to give over a certain percentage of their air time to bumming.

    • 13
      Gaylord Focker says:

      It’s the media so bumming would be the topic of conversation off the air as well. Maybe not so geopolitical though. More like “Ooh Rupert, did you pull at Whoopsies last night then?” “Yes Jeremy, I can hardly walk!”

      • 64

        Knew one the lassies do the voice over links on BBC TV a while back. Her script writer* was an iron, her producer was an iron, the sound engineer was an iron. She, however, goes both ways. They’re not all queer at TV Centre.

        * Yeah really. Script writer!

    • 15
      The BBC causes serious mental illness says:

      The BBC have an international bumming agenda.

      They also still have a lot of p3d0′s working for them.

      • 105
        Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

        I worked for a while for the BBC but removed it from my CV when the Savile situation arose. Boaz.

    • 16
      The Gay BBC Mafia says:

      Eddie Mair does the same every day on PM. He phones up some poor unsuspecting foreign type and gives them hard times for not being pro homosexual.

      It’s the BBC’s gay Mafia.

    • 23
      Stephen Fry says:

      You heters may like ‘bumming’ as you so eloquently put it, but we have many other ways of showing affection. You must come up to my place some time.

      • 32
        Labour Labels Are Wearing Thin says:

        ‘You Haters’ : Having a physical aversion to unnatural sexual acts and relations between others who buck the norm is perfectly normal.

        And Stephen Fry is talent less piece of unfunny shit who is really milking the bipolar depressive sympathy line.

        If you’re gonna do it son, then do it.

        • 37
          jmf says:

          I dont think anybody gives a flying phuck about what two or more people do in private. Its the trumpeting it from the roof tops that compresses my fecal matter.

          • Labour Labels Are Wearing Thin says:

            As long as it is consensual and legal: Boy George for example, but that is a police matter.

            Playing the depressive card for sympathy, like what Jack Straw does, is another thing that is really irritating and somewhat immoral.

            Fry is past his prime.

            Obviously not talented enough to get into the US Market (as Hugh Laurie did), and seemingly hamstrung in the BBC vortex of filth.

          • DtP says:

            Trumpeting does happen when the sphincter is damaged.

        • 53
          John Bellingham says:

          Who is that chap Norm that you have been bucking?

      • 33
        Cliff Richard says:


        The police are coming. Is my passport still in date ffs?

    • 38
      Anonymous says:

      BBC gay agenda, mate.

      Due to the unique way in which the BBC is funded.

    • 52
      Maximus says:

      The BBC stands for Bumming Bolshevism and Bolivian marching powder.

  9. 12
    The only war they should contemplate play tomorrow says:

  10. 14
    Anonymous says:

    One of the few votes he has turned up for was of course to vote against military action in Syria. Some of us oppose it in principle, but Hancock never lets the Russians down.

  11. 20
    jmf says:

    OK so we support the rebels, later on when the rebels start killing Christians, the Druze and the Kurds do we then start bombing the rebels. Hang on they are already killing the Christians plus a little bit of beheading, the Druze and the Kurds.

    • 62
      Dany Finkelstein, Murdoch's codpiece says:

      We must bomb them all, dear boy

      They are all enemies of our people

      We did it in Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon and will continue to bomb all our neighbours until we are hated and despised by the whole world, including Britain, France and the US

      Just watch this space…

  12. 21
    Sir William Waid says:

    Send for ATOS!

  13. 22
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    How Owen Jones puts on his pants:

    *Left leg*

    *Right leg*









  14. 24
    jmf says:

    Yes all very well Mehdi but how does he take them off?

  15. 25
    Lib Dem - Party of Scum says:

    Hancock delaying the inevitable in the hope that indecent assault of vulnerable constituents somehow becomes acceptable in his liberal dream world ?

    May as well get it over with, as the liberal dream world of responsibility free sexual assault is not going to happen.

  16. 30
    Dan Hodges / Mark Kermode says:

    I love Cam. Can I lick his arse?

    And can Werner Herzog film it?

  17. 31
    Egg Milliband says:

    UK factories are “booming again”, a survey of the manufacturing sector says, with output and new orders growing at their fastest rates since 1994.

    Jesus Christ, Balls, now what !!!! Balls Balls where the f are you ??

    • 36
      Fag End says:

      You have a very strange idea of ‘boom’ at the current rate we’ll be back to 2008 levels in 2019/20.
      Let the good times roll!

      • 78
        One-term Dave says:

        By jove, that’s good news! From Jan 1st, I’ll be letting 100,000 Romanians into Britain every year, and I was jolly-well wondering what to do with them all, I can tell you. I’ll have let 600,000 in by 2020, but hopefully they’ll grab the manufacturing jobs, so they won’t all be sitting around idly on “bennies”, eh? Jolly good show, what what.

        Tally ho!

      • 90
        Maq­­boul says:

        Bollocks. The FTSE 100 is 18% higher now than it was 5 years ago before the crash. British economy is doing not bad at all.

        • 102
          Anonymous says:

          The profits of the FTSE-100 companies…. what percentage of them are earned outside the UK? And of those, what percentage are earned in south-east Asia?

    • 45
      Ed Bols says:

      I know how many beans make six.

  18. 40

    Is it any wonder why people regard the political class as totally morally corrupt

  19. 46
    Margaret Moran & Ernest Saunders says:

    Welcome to our Club. We meet every week in a pub in Southampton to talk about our severe illnesss.

  20. 47
    Handycock says:

    Hello, good afternoon and gimme a chance princess.

  21. 51
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    And about time too.

    Owen Jones “admits that he has issues”

  22. 54
    Displaced Brummie says:

    How dashed Liberal of him!

  23. 57
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP.

  24. 59
    MartinW says:

    Margaret Moran was “too ill”, also. I make no comment!

  25. 63
  26. 70
    Jack says:

    Re your survation poll tweet

    65% currently against military action

    Do stop spinning shit all the time

  27. 74
    Penfold says:

    Not too ill to foxtrot orff to his Spanish villa either.

    He is a total disgrace and an exemplar of the Lib-Dems.

  28. 76
    Gareth Bale says:

    Hola amigos,
    I’m as rich as Blair.

  29. 76
    Historian of our times says:

    For those interested in why Obama climbed down

    Here is an interesting Forbes piece

    The US is very vulnerable now

  30. 86
  31. 87
    Oracle says:

    Now The News in Portsmouth (who have cosied up to Handycock for years and wouldn’t know how to investigate a story if the facts were in front of them) say the Portsmouith Council investigation has so far cost £25,000 – and deplore the fact. The major delay in bringing this investigation to a conclusion is that Handy simply refuses to give evidence until after the High Court case, and the High Court case is delayed because he apprently is too ill to appear. Yet he has attended numerous local council meetings and even voted in the Syria emergency debate last week. The truth is Handy is used to running rings round his fellow councillors and now seems to be doing the same to the High Court. We all are wondering why he doesn’t go and give evidence. This cannot go on much longer. He is an independent MP – why do the Lib Dems in Portsmouth allow him to have such a hold over their political future. They should sack him now.

    • 91
      Maq­­boul says:

      He must have invited someone at the top to masturbate him and thy complied. He has a Tulsa vid on his Nokia to prove it.

      • 96
        Interested Party says:

        … and the Russians have the pictures from his trips to Rumania – just waiting for the right moment to release those too on You Tube.

  32. 92
    Judge Demented says:

    Normally under these circumstances I would hold the defendant in contempt of court, but on this occasion I am not going to do so.

    All I can say to the defendant is this:

    See you at the lodge for drinkies this evening Mike.

    • 95
      Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

      Boaz your Worshipful. Have you fixed yourself up to be the Judge on the High Court case yet? Jahbulon.

    • 97
      Hampshire Hound says:

      This is very unfair to Mr Hancock and Portsmouth City Council. All Libdems like to visit constituents
      In their home. Mike on this occasion was making a traditional Limdem greeting which appears to have been misunderstood. I’m sure his legal team will explain.
      As regards the council enquiry . This was announced 5 months ago by the Cx so please be patient
      He has a lot of other work on at present.
      Good luck to you Handy you are becoming a cult hero on the run from dark forces.It may one day
      Become a movie. Im not sure of title yet. Other readers may be more forthcoming.

      • 100
        Cx PCC says:

        We should have announced an enquiry when the complaint was first made 3 years ago, and have only initiated this one because of Princesses’ persistent Lawyer. Is there no protection belonging to the Lodge anymore, especially a prestigious one like the Phoenix Lodge? Boaz.

  33. 98
    Handycock whipping it out says:

    Here you go Darling. Give me a chance, you never know my Princess XXXX you are special and sexy to me, here’s a teddy bear sprayed with my after shave. Jachin.

  34. 101
  35. 103
    Sussex Sid says:

    Good to see Handy back in the News. He never fails to provide a good laugh. I note Guido that your red target sightsare no longer on him. Is he giving you the slip. I know how slippy he is and
    you will need to be at your best to bring this bounder down.

  36. 104
    Scum says:


  37. 106

    Money grabber and fat cat wage springs to mind

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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