July 18th, 2013

DECC’s Green Deal Flops as Only 36 Sign Up

The Green Deal is a giant white elephant. Figures snuck out at the end of term show, as of the end of last month, of the 306 Green Deal plans for making properties energy efficient, 270 are “new” plans, where someone has simply asked for a quote. There have been only a measly 36 deals where the customer has actually signed a plan and energy efficiency measures are set to be installed. None so far have been completed.

Another stunning success for the reshuffle ripe Department for Energy and Climate Change.


  1. 1
    And about as many comments says:

  2. 2
    Green Bull says:

    They’re the biggest money spinners of the century and they are CON!

  3. 3
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Which complete & utter mentalist introduced the Climate Change Act 2008?

    Where was the Tory opposition?

    Vote UKIP to end the green eco loon madness.

  4. 4
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Next step make the b*****s pay more council tax if they don’t take out the loans. They wont be beaten with their ill devised schemes y’know.


  5. 5
    broderick crawford says:

    Was the minister for energy at the time this aborted stillbirth was fathomed a certain aswas Rt Hon Christopher Huhne Mp
    == and possibly also privy Councillor ??

  6. 6
    Jimmy says:

    5 comments and no one has yet called global warming a hoax?

    I come here for right wing loonies and you’re not even trying.

  7. 7
    Deparment of Ccunts says:

    How can a department that calls itself “climate change” be taken seriously?

    The last person who tried to halt the natural world was called King Canute

  8. 8
    Syrenety says:

    The poor lads and lasses at DECC can never be allowed to give up on an idea, even if everyone has advised them it’s a pile of poo.

    Trouble is our taxes pay for it!

  9. 9
    Brown lawn says:

    I don’t know why you’re showing that pic of a snowman. Currently there’s an incredible heatwave in America and we’re not doing too badly in Britain either.

  10. 10
    Joe Public says:

    Another stunning success for the DISBANDMENT ripe Department for Energy and Climate Change

  11. 11
    Nothing between them says:

    Errr, the phoney torwees voted for the Climate Change pile of crap, along with their pretend enemies, Labour.

  12. 12
    Mine d'Boggles says:


    1. Build more nuclear power stations;
    2. Dismantle all “wind farms” in Britain;
    3. Re-open a hundred or so coal mines;
    4. Go for natural gas.

  13. 13

    Here, none stands for not one. One is singular.

    None so far has been completed.

    (Ignore the New York Times style book. They don’t speak English there.)

  14. 14
    A Right Wing Loony says:

    Global warming is a hoax, you fucking Lefty bellend.

    It’s a load of fucking bollocks, a quasi-religion whose adherents are a bunch self-righteous “progressive” pricks.

  15. 15
    Latimer Alder says:

    Privy Councillor? Contents of a privy more use than Huhne…

  16. 16
    polythesis says:

    5. Seize the assets of all the rich looters and profiteers and bent politicians who made money out of the windmill fraud and then try them all for defrauding the taxpayer.

  17. 17
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    6. Then goto 5.


  18. 18
    polythesis says:

    Only a UKIP regime would disband the DECC and a half a hundred other useless money black holes.

  19. 19
    Lord Stansted says:

    I couldn’t have written better.

  20. 20
    Mike K. says:

    Is this the crap scheme DECC have upped our energy bills by £112 for? A disgrace.

  21. 21
    Mornington Crescent says:

    1. Bring electricity generation and distribution back under state control, instead of leaving us to the mercy of foreign shysters and profiteers
    2. Scrap all onshore windmills and all solar panels; leave existing offshore ones spinning – after all, they’ve cost a frigging fortune to build
    3. Develop a national energy policy based on a mix of nuke, gas and clean coal
    4. Get fucking fracking
    5. Get fucking on with it, FFS.

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    They will make it into a charity next. “Friends” will be invited to pay their wages.

  23. 23
    mraemiller says:

    Has anyone actually tried this. My windows need replacing so I thought I’d give it a whirl. You go onto a website and then you have to find someone to evaluate you and someone else to do the work. You search on someone to evaluate your property and you get an endless list of contractors. When you email them via huge painful to fill in foms they cant be bothered to get back. There’s a huge list of assessors …many of whom want up to £120 just to tell you it may be a good idea to put in replacement windows. After that the next step if to actually find a contractor, but the standard established companies who do this sort of thing dont want to know so you have to work your way through another list of actual doers of work. And you cant get anyone to do the work before you get an assessment and you cant get an assesment without any idea of what they’re going to recommend. I dont want to give someone a load of money for them to say “nothing needs doing”. It’s a complete nightmare of a scheme. I gave up.

  24. 24
    Headmistress (still watching, but on hols of course) says:

    Beat me to it!

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    They could all apply for different jobs. We could keep the department as a one person edifice to the stupidity of the EU and the fraud perpetrated on us. The one remaining could have a role teaching children how they can be led into situations and how to say NO.

  26. 26
    Handyman says:

    Go to your local DIY shop. Talk to a local glazier to measure, supply and fit the new glass and buy yourself some putty to keep the glass in. Piece of cake – and relatively cheap to do it yourself.

  27. 27
    Weather is not climate numbnuts, ask a scientist says:

    Bloody hell! Are you saying that it get’s warmer in summer? Incredible!

  28. 28
  29. 29
    Dee Lusional says:

    Its another Privy Councillor, Greg Barker, who is champion for this one. Have a look at the fawning praise he gets from those within the industry.

    Who in their right mind signs up for 25 years at 7% pa. And I thought I was delusional.

  30. 30

    Here come the Polar Bears!!!!!

  31. 31

    Why don’t you try a normal dating agency?

  32. 32
    Poor people forced to subsidise billionaires and global corporations says:

    The offshore windfarms actually suck down far more public subsidy than the land based ones.

    Every job created by the London Array windfarm, is costing £1.77 million in public subsidy each, every year the subsidy looters operate them.

    What is even worse, it would still get that subsidy if it generated zero power.

    Wind and solar energy are just utter, legalised theft.

  33. 33
    mraemiller says:

    Thanks. I liked the idea in principle of paying it back through the electricity bill though rather than either spending or borrowing the money. The hole in the system is that for it to work it’s got to save enough energy over a short enough time that it pays the debt back to the government in a reasonable time – otherwise people would be continually borrowing money for general maintainence and never paying it back.

    I think I’ll try something less humiliating and with less paperwork next time like signing on

  34. 34
    Reality says:

    Whoops, your parody actually wandered into the truth. Though the phrase ‘global warming’ was abandoned 15 years ago when it stopped warming.

  35. 35
    Aaron D Highside says:

    The science is settled, the BBC says so.

  36. 36
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    You’re certainly on the way, Mr. Deparment, but not quite there …. King Canute was giving his toadying Court a quick demo on the subject of the Divine Right of Kings and medieval oceanography. He commanded the sea not to rise, but as he did a Ph.D at Southampton, he knew it would, and thus left a lasting impression on his courtiers.

  37. 37
    mraemiller says:

    Obviously this is bollocks. I would imagine in reality if anyone can naviage the Kafkaesque nonsense that is the green deal it probably costs more in admin than it saves in energy…

  38. 38
    Hide the decLInE says:

    Watch out for lucrative directorship’s when he leaves front line bullshitting on behalf of his crony corporate masters.

  39. 39
    jmf says:

    As the UK and the USA appear to be having a mini heatwave will the eco loons change back to global warming rather than climate change.

  40. 40
    Are politians an hindrance says:

    The Departments delusion and lack of delivery all goes back to a certain Ed Miliband leadership when in power.

    Whats the term used to describe the short comings. “Big green”.

    In fact we are using up more energy than ever its just that over 20% is burnt by chinese on our behalf producing phones etc.

    Sack the lot.

    Start again. Stop these subsidies like solar panels. Is it IV or infer-red version. Its old technology being fixed to roofs of these right-on mind greens.

    Any money should be used to research the technology like Thorium Nuclear Energy.

    Produce an INFER-RED google satellite map of UK showing each building.

    Publish energy consumption by street, village etc.

    Allow house holders to buy big conservatories without being penalized by higher rates, refused by planning laws.

    The consciousness of individuals owning a property will deliver.

  41. 41
    Madasafish says:

    I looked at it. Decided I would die under paperwork..

    The energy involved in completing all the forms, reviews etc must cost a lot.

    Dreamed up by a moron.

  42. 42
    Cameron's crackpot wheeze says:

    Who in their right mind would want to buy a house lumbered with this hassle factor??

    I suspect that when they come to sell the property, the discount they would have to give any future owner’s of the property to take on the hassle would exceed any notional savings 10 times over.

  43. 43
    Ed Miliband says:

    Bedroom Tax
    Andy Coulson
    Rebekah Brooks
    Food Banks
    Leon Brittan
    Peter Morrison
    Osborne’s paddock scam
    Children left in the pub
    43 Government U-turns
    Minimum alcohol pricing
    Anthony Bamford
    Adrian Beecroft
    Michael Spencer
    Peter Cruddas

    Cigarette packaging & Lynton Crosby

  44. 44
    Comedy Dave says:


  45. 45
    Canute defender says:

    Oh dear, another cHunt who has not understood the Canute story. He was not trying to hold back the tide, but demonstrate to his followers the limit of kingly power. An exercise in humility in fact. Check it out.

  46. 46
    screwtape013 says:

    Guido, to really nail the Dept of Lies and Propaganda, the far more fruitful path is to attack their Big Lie of ever rising global gas prices which forms their entire justification for the vast consumer subsidies for the windmills and French state nuclear

    Global gas supply might be tight over the next few years but thereafter there will be a veritable flood coming into world markets. Best example is off Tanzania and Mozambique where around 175 Trillion cu ft of gas has been discovered in just the last couple of years but none of this will be coming to market until LNG plants have been constructed the first of which will not be completed until 2018 at the earliest. Moreover, this 175 trn is barely scratching the surface of the potential – eg only 600 wells have so far been drilled off E Africa as opposed to 35,000 of W Africa.

    The Department of Lies and Propaganda knows full well that by the next decade world gas prices will be tumbling to the same extent as US prices have done. Their own report obtained from Navigant Consulting, referred to on P5 of today’s Telegraph makes this clear.

    Forget the triviality of the Green Deal, concentrate on the Real Big Lie.

  47. 47
    Airey Belvoir says:

    The warmists at the Met Office are milking this welcome spell of summer weather for all it’s worth. Alert Level Three!! Stay in the shade!! Hydrate or die!! Sprinkle water on your bedsheets! Climate doom!!

  48. 48
    Doomed says:

    Not to mention that the “energy saving” figures are utter bollocks

    “The system used to calculate energy savings under the Green Deal, which is critical to the flagship energy efficiency programme’s success, is unreliable and inflates the savings a householder can expect to achieve from retrofit work to their home.

    The data, analysed by consultants Verco, Baily Garner and Parity Projects, found that the SAP model, which is used to calculate building performance, on average predicted that tenants would save 77% more on their energy bills than they actually did.”


  49. 49
    Airey Belvoir says:

    That snowman looks a bit like Nigel Farage.

  50. 50
    Oh dear says:

    Michael Adebolajo attacked in jail


  51. 51
    Jimmy says:

    How do you spot the parodies here?

  52. 52
    Jimmy says:

    Although the Telegraph next morning argued that the rise was “not significant”

  53. 53
    Kouti says:

    I went to one of the early meetings staged by the Carbon Trust in Liverpool (Maritime Museum) quite a few years ago and it was deep waffle.
    It got a bit more interesting on the Q&A time when there were lots of awkward questions.
    I kid you not …. the response was ” Hey, let’s not get too heavy here guys. We’ve got a fine lunch laid on for you all here, so why don’t we go and enjoy it?”

    Needless to say, we made a quick exit and went to look at the model ships for half an hour ( so that we didn’t waste the journey).

    It was then that I really understood the whole ACC (it was call ‘Global Warming’ then) was a whole load of horseshit.
    Can you imagine how much the UK has pissed away on all of this (and still is)?
    The bills are coming in now for all the PV panels and the windmills and they are mindblowing.
    Still, we’re a world leading economy, so what’s to worry about?

  54. 54
    Anti-Rentier Alliance says:

    But at least it got some new energy infrastructure built eh?

  55. 55
    Cnut the Great says:

    ‘Let all men know how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, and sea obey by eternal laws”

    In other words,the department for climate change is pissing in the wind.

  56. 56
    Lardarse Prescott says:


  57. 57
    Pussywhipped Dave and Nick say... says:

    This policy is totally sound. Our delightful wives assured us that this was the case long ago. The fact that Sam’s pater trousers millions in subsidies from his windmills and that Miriam earns serious money as a board member of Europe’s largest windmill manufacturer are pure coincidence. In short: trust us, we’re politicians.

  58. 58
    Post hoc says:

    One of the most useless departments ever. Sic transit gloria mundi.

  59. 59
    Kon Dealer says:

    DECC has made a huge overestimate of the number of idiots in the Country.
    36 at the last count.

  60. 60
    NE Frontiersman says:

    ‘Who in their right mind signs up for 25 years at 7% pa..?’
    Waltham Forest Council have signed a 25-year £7 million deal, funded by a loan, to put solar PV panels on the roofs of a thousand lucky random council tenants (and some office buildings), saving them perhaps £200 a year. The Feed-In Tariff could change tomorrow, the kit may last ten years, the roofs beneath the panels may need fixing within the period, and there’s no guarantee that the lucky houses are insulated up to current standards. If any of the properties are sold within the period, there are interesting joint ownership issues that scare off most lenders.
    But what the heck? It’s not real money, just the public’s.

  61. 61
    mraemiller says:

    It’s a nice idea. I’m all for saving energy as an oil man – it’s a limited commodity … but really this whole thing is mental. It’s just not thought through. There are so many companies who claim to do this work it’s untrue. I put my postcode in the website and got over a hundred results. Contacted 5 – yet to even hear back from any of them. Most of them start up companies I’ve never heard of. The question is as well does paying off the debt via the electricity bill cost more than actually borrowing the money from a bank would. I expect so.

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