June 4th, 2013

Tom Watson Fingered Over Plotting Dinner

Last month Guido reported that Joan Ryan, former Labour MP expenses piggy turned wannabe candidate in Enfield North, was trying to stitch up a seat for a pal in a neighbouring constituency. She brought along dozens of new members to Enfield Southgate CLP’s AGM in order to back Ibrahim Dogus, though for some reason didn’t want to answer Guido’s questions about the little trick.

Guido has now seen an official complaint from the secretary of the local party to Labour HQ alleging the new members had joined the party the previous day. Crucially the secretary suggests the fishy plot was dreamt up at a dinner with Tom Watson:

What’s going on, Tommy?


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Tom Watson Fingered”



    • 19
      Anonymous says:



    • 24
      Numbers game says:

      How many members does it take to be elected as a prospective candidate.

      This case a bit more than a dinner party guest list.


      • 27
        Hungry man says:

        Tom Watson must be hyper hungry.


        • 29
          Over weight politicians says:

          Is Tom Watson the fattest man in parliament?


          • Eric Pickles MP says:

            It’s pretty safe to say he isn’t.


          • Watson boasts says:

            Sorry Eric, you have a bit more bone and muscle and brain making up your body mass.

            Me, even if you exclude the contents of my mouth, throat all the way to my pants, I’m still fatter than you.


          • BoJo says:

            try sexercise.

            That will get the sugar out of your belly and a honey under your belly.


          • Lard Pressclott of Beams, Bellies, Banjos, Bulimia, two bog seats, two Jags & Shags. says:

            I AM !! – ALL EXPENSES PAID.


        • 30
          report him says:

          I think he should be reported to

          War On Want

          A little less of him could feed a dozen starving workers.


      • 34
        Political servicing says:

        To feed his guests did you use the Parliament Take Away Service.


        • 67
          Anonymous says:

          The take away service is reserved for the removal of contents from the trough by thieving members of parliament.


      • 91
        Ed Balls says:

        Do I think the pope is catholic? No, I don’t think there’s any evidence to support that.


    • 160
      Wanda Ringhands says:

      I saw you rubbing yourself, just say a few Hail Marys and give the priest a hand after Mass.


  2. 2
    one wheel on my wagon says:

    Champagne socialist harridan…I’ll never vote labour again


    • 38
      dinner says:

      bet “one wheel on my wagon” could be persuade with a Watson dinner


    • 89
      M says:

      Most people have thought about voting labour , but then go through puberty .


    • 149
      dogs breath says:

      I’d only vote labour again if they pulled us out of the EU. stopped this climate change scam and demanded our money back, stopped pussy footing around with inuclear power and get the job done, promoted fracking for energy independance and dumped the high speed rail stupidity and only allowed people to become labour MPs after working for ten years in a real job to…so I’ll be voting UKIP….


      • 153
        Why do black men wear baggy trousers says:

        I’d definitely vote for Ibrahim Dogus – so culturally enriching.


  3. 3
    Davidc says:

    Can’t they even organise a stitch-up in a constituency ?


  4. 3
    Back@woodsman says:

    Ah, the real ‘nasty party’. Back to the 70’s modus operandi. That ended well didn’t it !


  5. 5
    Stan says:

    Ben Fellows is missing, please help get this story into the press..



    • 43
      anonym says:

      Ben out of the limelight- how unfortunate.
      Has he got a new book or report he wants to sell?


  6. 6
    hobo humping slobo babe says:

    Can’t have been Tom, he was too busy eating all the pies.


  7. 7
    Boris Carloffe says:

    Tom watson is a horrible grubby little man. I hope he comes to a stcky end.


  8. 8
    Jack Dromey (Mrs) says:

    I deplore people who get parachuted into safe seats. I had to fight an all women shortlist and my wife won it for me. What a woman!


  9. 9
    Larry The Cat says:

    why didn’t he just tell her to feck off – in a comradely way of course


  10. 10
    AnusTwat says:

    Fingered up is bumole?


  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    In the Conservative Party you have to be a member for 3 months before you can vote at any party candidate selection meeting, whether for MP, MEP, Councillor, GLA etc. The only exception is where there have been Open Primaries for MP selections – when anyone on the Electoral Register for the constituency can vote. We selected our Conservative MP at an Open Primary 3 years ago, at which some Labour and Lib dem Councillors attended and voted! I am sure a 3 month or similar rule must cover selections in the Labour Party. If so Joan Ryan has breached party rules.


    • 57
      Snaplegs says:

      The Labour Party adhering to rules? I don’t know what you’re drinking but I’ll have pint. You’ll be saying they represent the working class next!

      In all seriousness, I’m not sure if they have the same rules as the Tory Party but they should have and they should be adhered to. Anything less looks like a perversion of democratic process and if anything can be drawn from this it’s that the Labour Party cannot be trusted by the electorate – ever (not that they’ll actually vote for someone else as its a hereditary condition)


      • 80
        Bert says:

        “Democratic” — hmm, that word rings a bell, I’ll just Google it to see what it means.


        • 97
          Eddy bollocks says:

          I see no evidence to suggest the Labour Party is democratic


          • Demoncratic says:

            Le Frogs have their Kensington constituency (and others).

            How our voters overseas in
            France, Spain, USA, Canada, SA,Abu Dhabi, Australia etc.
            Shouldn’t they have their equivalent constituency.


    • 161
      Anonymous says:

      Do you know how long you’ve got to be an MP of any party before you can get money for lobbying


  12. 12
    Owen Jones says:

    Owen Jones watching the discussions with interest, from the public lavatory.


  13. 13
    Sherlock Holmes says:

    There can be no question, my dear Watson, of the value of exercise before breakfast.


  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Its always fingered.


  15. 15
    Loosehead says:

    It would be easy to rule that only those who have been members for more than, say, 6 months, get a vote. Otherwise, one would suppose the rules were designed to be abused in this way, when necessary, to allow preferred candidates to be parachuted in.


  16. 18
    Moussa Koussa Mark 10 says:

    Sir Thomas Watson Of West Brom ( The Murdoch Slayer ) to you plebs.

    This is very bottom of the barrel stuff Guido`


    • 82
      Bert says:

      That’s because the barrel-bottom is Watson’s natural habitat.


    • 92
      taxpayer says:

      Watson and McLuskey continue their unholy quest to takeover the Labour Party and bring hard-on socialism to Britain.


  17. 20
    The Lea Valley says:

    What is it about Enfield Southgate attracts meeting packers? Before he defected to Labour, the unsuccessful LibDem Parliamentary candidate in 2010, Johar Khan, is alleged to have perfected the ‘sign ‘em-up and surprise the party’ technique to stage a coup in nearby Waltham Forest in a bid for him to lead the LibDem party on the council.

    When the public wised up to his behaviour, they voted him and most of the rest of the Libdems off the council. Meanwhile, in Southgate he was also rejected. No doubt hough this feat of political genius was known to the tiny political world which aspires to power in Enflield, so maybe Tom isn’t the sole inspiration for this kind of trickery.


    • 156
      Why do black men wear baggy trousers says:

      Southgate used to be rammed with 4 by 2’s, so how come people with names like Johar and Ibrahim are sniffing around?


      • 164
        One has to wonder says:

        Let’s put it this way shall we? The ward in Walthamstow in which Johar Khan stood as a candidate for the council had a turnout of 125% in that election. In fact, it did not benefit him, as the majority of the votes went to Labour and after the High Court action which followed, two Labour and one (other) Lib Dem were elected. What was interesting was that neither side had noticed, or if they did, dared object, to the preposterous turnout figures for a local election being recorded at the count itself.

        If you learn your politics in such an environment, a little matter like the social composition of the electorate is not going to discourage someone too much.

        We preach a lot to other countries about the conduct of their elections, but I think that some of our ‘experts’ could do well to cast their eyes a lot closer to home.


  18. 21
    Moussa Koussa Mark 10 says:

    I once walked down Woolwich High Street.


  19. 22
    nellnewman says:

    Ah tomwatson , gordon’s backstabber in chief now organising others to stab members of their own party in the back.

    No surprise there – odious man!


  20. 23
    Sick of all these Paedos says:

    Help find Ben Fellows, the child actor who was routinely abused by our political elite, he has disappeared under very mysterious circumstances indeed.



  21. 25
    Steve Miliband says:

    Fucking Hell – Watson has left some pizza uneaten!! He’s got his piggy eyes on it though!


  22. 31
    Who ate me last packet of fucking Dorito's I hid behind the packet of stuffing mix says:

    And you’ll always find him in the kitchen at parties


  23. 32
    superman says:

    Its called politics!


  24. 33
    A Pedalofile says:

    Someones just bricked me windows


  25. 35
    Balls is a hoon. says:

    F.UGLY Watson needs to be put on a diet and go for a jog.


  26. 39
    JH2902390423-0 says:

    Probably ordering more Pizza in that shot, after someone selfishly had a slice of the 18″ meat feast he had ordered for himself. With chips and coke. And garlic bread. He looks starving.


    • 123
      CarryHole is a fat homunculus says:

      It’s his appetite for abusing power that worries me far more.


  27. 42
    superman says:

    Selection of candidates is done by delegates from Local Branches(they can be mandated)and trade Unions.Seems impossible for new members to have any influence. Stitch ups can be organised by delegates who are not mandated.


    • 54
      Ask Dale says:

      Didn’t Iain Dale raise on his blog site a quiz “How man times can you vote for the labour leader”

      one vote for being
      member of the fabian society
      Leader of Labour party

      adding up 80 votes by one person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


      • 56
        Tom Watson between mousefuls says:

        In my case I ate for ten people at the vote and cast ten votes.


        • 59
          Owen Jones says:

          Do I get a half vote, small vote, skinny vote, child’s vote.

          I will pull my weight in the future.


    • 78
      Harriet Harperson says:

      If I hear any more talk of mandates I will expell everybody from the party


  28. 43
    Alternative Comedy says:


    • 47
      evil in our midst says:

      not to be confused with the great man with the same name……


    • 49
      Bazinga! says:

      What a pair of fucking MONGS


    • 53
      A Shrink says:

      My god, Pollytwaddle and Blanchflower have become seriously bonkers! What a stupid f***ing statement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


      • 65
        A Right Fucking Bastard says:

        Fuck me, these fucking Lefty waterheads come out with some right fucking shite at times.

        Balls is just a fucking opportunist tosser, a fucking bladder of rancid goat smegma in human form, going for the fucking jargon-spouting Lefty boillocks land fucking speed record. He hasn’t a fucking clue, and all he can do is blame the Gay Windmill coalition for not fixing the clusterfuck that he made of the economy.

        Blanchflower and Toynbee are two of the worst fucking idiots ever to be given column inches and airtime- just a pair of dick-headed metropolitan Lefty tribalist fuckwits, blinded by ideology and (in Toynbee’s case), as thick as fucking pigshit.


    • 72
      Gooey Blob says:

      It beggars belief. Is it any wonder the MPC were so ineffective at controlling inflation when fools like Blanchflower were sitting on the committee?

      As for Polly, none of us expected any different. If Ed Militant were to make Mr Blobby his shadow chancellor, Toynbee would be singing the pink one’s praises from within her lonely, uncharted corner of The Guardian.


    • 95
      nellnewman says:

      LOL!! bullyballs says he’s going to raise £100million by cutting winterfuel payments to 5% of the elderly and proposes to borrow at least £10billion a year for capital spending and creation of government non jobs!!!

      Can’t any of this certifiably idiotic labour crew do simple sums??!!


    • 100
      Polly from her ivory tower somewhere in Italy says:

      If a Tory had said they would hit pensioners she would have Freaked out. Just proves this woman is an utter moronic imbecile even if she did get 1 A level and conned her way into uni


    • 107
      CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

      Is this the same David Blanchflower who’s been on the wrong side of every economic argument for the past ten years? He’s the British equivalent of Paul Krugman, another Keynsian airhead. Both can be described as advocates than objective economists. Probably why the BBC and Channel 4 are always giving them airtime.

      Blanchflower’s glowing praise of Balls should destroy any credibility he may have had.


      • 169
        Help is at hand says:

        COM: You must not mis-spell or host’s name or you get binned.

        The correct spelling for future reference is PaWl.



  29. 45
    Socialist nutjob says:

    Do people really still use words like “uncomradely”?


    • 60
      Larry The Cat says:

      I do but I am a cat


    • 68
      Tessa Tickles says:

      In the mind of the typical Labourite, it is 1950 forever and ever. Benevolent Uncle Joe Stalin is still alive, and peaceful glorious communism is on the brink of a great victory over evil baby-eating capitalism.

      Oh, and it’s also tickety boo to rig elections.


      • 75
        The Pink Flag says:

        I wonder if they are aware that comrade (Tong Zhi ) in chinese has come to be used as a euphemism for gay.


        • 157
          Why do black men wear baggy trousers says:

          With Dave – Batty Boy – Cameron and bumchums around – who needs euphemisms?

          Let arsefucking rule the day!


    • 98
      Ed Sillyband says:

      Oh, I use it all the time! It was one of Papa’s favourites!


  30. 48
    Bazinga! says:

    God, who outside of the male population of the BBC would want to finger that fat cuunt?


  31. 50
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Fat Bastard is starting to look like he’s only about a few stone away from resembling Michael Moore, but closing in fast. Hands off those last few pizza crusts, Thomas me lad. I know it will be tough, but England expects every man will do his duty.


    • 62
      Larry The Cat says:

      “England expects every man will do his duty.”

      No …not that….don’t make me sleep with Harriet


    • 73
      Tessa Tickles says:

      That’s what I was thinking. He does look like Michael Moore. Maybe Tom Fatson is Michael Moore’s slightly older, unhealthier, fatter, uglier stupider brother.


  32. 51
    Tory MP with lesbian maid says:

    I stand up for traditional marriage. I stand up for defending the heterosexual family unit. It’s time to return to those old core values.

    It’s time to go back to basics.


    • 63
      Larry The Cat says:

      I love to stand up for a good traditional knee trembler


    • 70
      Mrs P says:

      She totally lied about being a Lesbian to get the job. At the interview she was completely like, “Yeah, I’m a Lesbo and I’m into chicks and all that” but then when I tried to get some action she was suddenly all “Oh no! I’m not into that! Get your hands off me” – like somehow she’d changed her mind about it. But then she wasn’t interested in my husband either and ran off when he tried it on with her. So I guess somehow she must be a bit confused about her sexuality.


  33. 52
    John Major says:

    I went back to basics on Edwina’s clunge.


    • 158
      Why do black men wear baggy trousers says:

      I hope that you had somebody holding on to your boots.


  34. 55

    Like all Dishonourables say,’I didn’t do nuffink wrong':


  35. 76
    A nincumpoop says:


    Former X Factor UK judge Tulisa Contostavlos bailed until July after arrest on suspicion of supplying class A drugs

    This could destroy her self-esteem; what on earth do the police think they’re doing???


  36. 81
    John Tandy says:

    Expense fiddlers should be kicked out of politics altogether and not just lose their Party’s whip. What kind of punishment is that ? Look at how Mandelson has prospered after being forced twice to resign Ministerial posts due to questionable behaviour and of course David Laws is now back in David Camerons Cabinet too after being forced to resign over an expense scandal !! Who said crime does not pay ? It does if your an MP it seems…


  37. 84
    Ed Balls says:

    Do I think Paris is the capital of France? No, I don’t think there’s any evidence to support that.


    • 134
      Pickled Wizard says:

      The telegraph has reported that bears defecate in woodland – would you care to comment?


  38. 87
    Idiotwatch says:

    “George Osborne’s Help to Buy scheme ‘a moronic policy'”


    • 90
      A person who answers their own posts says:

      Like the Bourbons Gidiot has learned nothing (apart from towel folding) and forgotten nothing (attack the poor/oiks/labour etc).

      I understand Gidiot representes a Cheshire seat – my suggestion at the next election the opposition puts up a performing monkey – it will certainly do well against Gidiot.


    • 109
      Earl of Wonga says:

      Quite good actual


  39. 94
    Selective amnesia says:

    Labour hand-wringers protest that unions cannot be seen in the same light as lobbyists as they don’t have a comparable capacity to influence changes the law.

    But they can choose who will probably fail to be the next Prime Minister against the wishes of their party and members.


  40. 96
    Brown out & pay me damages. Respect my legal rights. says:

    Time for the Brown koksucking Watson to take his bully boy tactics & take them for a jog up Brown’s arsehole!


  41. 104
    After-8mint says:

    nasty thing Dinners… can go horribly wrong at any fuc*ing time…


  42. 106
    Dave should resign now says:

    Confused: Watson had his finger in a pie, or a maid ?


  43. 108
    TW says:

    Dont call me TOMMY !!!!!!!!!!!!!


  44. 110
    t was only a matter of time says:

    ‘I never thought I would fall in love like this': Karl Lagerfeld reveals he would like to marry Choupette, the one-year-old cat who has two personal maids and dines with him at the table.

    Cameron is offering his full support.


  45. 111
    Anonymous says:

    Wonder what his last slave died of?
    Looks like he wants someone to his job for him,on the cheap.


  46. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Well, that’s it then. Thanks to our modernisers gay marriage is nearly here – next will be forced homosexuality. Now we know why dinosaurs became extinct


  47. 115
    i don't n eed no doctor says:

    Tom Watson is a vile person.


    • 118
      Vote UKIP says:

      Not as vile as LibConning Dave


      • 166
        One who knows Tom well says:

        Twatson can’t be compared with anyone. He is the essence of pure evil, and relishes in every bugger’s misery who doesn’t agree with him.

        He will try to destroy anyone who disagrees with him.

        The nastiest piece of work in Parliament, and that’s saying something!


    • 133
      Historian says:

      Is our Tommy becoming a closet Trotsyite to try to keep up with Empty Ed

      But he does not have the fine Bolshevic pedigree of our Ed…

      You have to change country several times to have that


      • 148
        Mandy of Ethics and Oligarchs says:

        Thats why we sent out search parties

        And why I now operate from Moscow with my friend Vladimir


  48. 116
    Concerned of Islington says:

    The HoL geriatric LibLabConner placemen and place-persons have progressed the Gay Marriage proposals.

    Since we obviously can’t have kids, because we can’t have normal sex, incest doesn’t apply. So I want to marry my brother, and my sisters want to marry each other.

    Please confirm that these marriages will be in your PC paradise Dave.


  49. 117
    Melon Mountain says:

    They should let Tulisa off the hook. She has lovely melons.


    • 136
      The Last Member of the Lobby says:

      I think Tulisa should be paraded through Central Lobby – now renamed Comedy Central BTW

      The few remaining hetero MPs could then assult her and leave the Commons open to assult by the UKIPpers..



  50. 118
    Polly from her ivory tower somewhere in Italy says:

    03 June 2013 9:27pm
    @DroneRanger – HAHAHAHAHAHA
    Its hilarious isn’t it,
    Tory Spending Cut = BAD BIGOTED FASCISM!
    Labour Spending Cut = An Iron Man with a great idea!


  51. 127
    a plodogist says:

    someone who blackmailed a senior cop and it all went tits up so they decided to b0mb london in 2005… gets thrown out of a helicopter oh wrong thomas* nothing to see here carry on etc etc


  52. 129
    Dr Spock says:

    You can just see it

    Our Tommy conspiring with members of a non Labour rentamob to stuff Liebor ballot

    Rather like Zimbabwe…


  53. 132
    Very sinister says:

    Remember Ben Fellows? He’s the chap who alleged a certain current cabinet secretary groped him and also named several other famous figures he alleged molested him or attempted to.

    His wife says he’s gone missing.


  54. 135
    Bazinga! says:

    Our lefty media really are cuunts. Both the BBC and Channel4 news have tried to make out that the rioters in Turkey are a MAJORITY, when even the most basic research will tell you the average Turk is a hardcore Muslim.

    Jesus our media is so corrupt and biased these days, no wonder they want the internet regulated.


  55. 138
    Boris Carloffe says:

    Are labour planning to ban Arithmatic and maths from the education system in our schools to make it easier for people to accept Ball’s economic figures?


  56. 140
    The Old Ones says:

    So who’s the 72 year old that was arrested today? Did the arresting detectives need to go on a summer holiday?


  57. 141
    Fat, ugly obese son says:

    Wobble -wobble. Do you think if Watson went for a jog there would be an earth quake in Britain?


    • 144
      Chief of Manchester Fire Brigade says:

      In Liverpool perhaps

      Hopefully the whole city would collapse

      Quite Biblical really…


  58. 142
    The Last Member of the Lobby says:

    Did Luciana Berger finger Tommy?

    This is the next scandal Guido

    Was it between the thighs like that MP and his wife you were talking about this morning?

    Was it in front of a Labour rentamob?

    And Ugandan practices?

    Wow Labour is flying high


  59. 143
    Harvey Proctor says:

    Gay marriage? Disgusting! We Tories don’t believe in gays!


    • 170
      Dr Faustus says:

      Lord Tebbit would never have believed what they say about you and your [ahem] practices.


  60. 145
    q says:

    and, of course, toryboys don’t do this sort of thing do they??????


  61. 155
    Common Purpose 'graduate' says:

    I love acting beyond my authority!


  62. 159
    Tulisa says:

    Well, that’s the last time I stick my nose in!


  63. 162
    Stu says:

    Come on Watson you useless fat scumbag fess up.


  64. 172
    Natalie says:

    Tesco Tom…Sold West Brom! No body likes him in Great Barr (his constituance). If you challenge him on Twitter, you get blocked and if you challenge him on his own website, your remarks get removed! Plastic, Career polititan. He needs throwing out, he’s no good for the people of West Bromwich East!


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