May 15th, 2013

DPMQs LIVE: Where’s Dave? Edition

Dave has decided that touring the States on a bus with Prince Harry is more important than allowing himself to be held to account in parliament. Despite the events of the past week. That means, farcically, it falls to Clegg and Harman to agree with each other across the despatch box this lunchtime. Comments in the comments please…


  1. 1
    pollygirl says:

    Lets get this over with. Boozer calling

  2. 2
    Yorkshire pudding says:

    aye up!

  3. 3
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    All leave has been cancelled for Openreach telephone engineers in the Westminster area.

  4. 4
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Tristram the socialist ffs

  5. 5
    WelshRacer says:

    You notice how it’s the opposition always asking about Europe?

  6. 6
    8illy Kebab says:

    Lovering it

  7. 7
    pollygirl says:

    BONER calling

  8. 8
    Bloody hell says:

    A guarantee in law, my fucking arse.

  9. 9
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Cam – cluck, cluck, peck, peck, cluck, cluck…

  10. 10
    Bercow watch says:

    Thats a very gay tie bercow is wearing

  11. 11
    Left are nobs says:

    Harman talk about a rich bitch.

  12. 12

    The PM isn’t here…

    Well ..he’s in America. Switch the telly on you stupid bint, you’ll see.

  13. 13
    Bercow watch says:

    WTF is harman wearing around her neck

  14. 14
    Left are nobs says:

    She is still as stupid

  15. 15
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    In or out referendum now.

  16. 16

    I’m on radio. Is it a noose?

  17. 17
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    …Clegg talking bollocks – we want an in / out ref

  18. 18
    Owen Jones says:

    @ Nick Clegg

    Ohh love me a “copper bottom”


  19. 19
    Left are nobs says:

    Bercow, its a bog chain.

  20. 20

    Clegg got off a zinger. Well done jelly bones.

  21. 21
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Clegg dreaming of his EU Commissioner job. Hope someone blocks the twat.

  22. 22
    Yvonne from The Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    He is not very good at managing his diary is Mr Cameron.

    My Gran used to tell me if a man cannot organize his time well he is a waste of space.

  23. 23
    Saville says:

    She is my hero.

  24. 24
    Bercow watch says:

    Ladyboy cooper is looking very boyish today

  25. 25
    Gawd Help Us says:

    FFS Harriet, we’re better off without him.

  26. 26

    Harman has been shite at this deputy job for 6 years.
    why don’t Labour dump the mad moo for someone credible?

  27. 27
    Left are nobs says:

    Harman is super rich how can she moan about the poor.

  28. 28
    Confused Tory says:

    Harriet Harman looks more bangable than usual in those reading glasses and glossy lipstick.

  29. 29
    head Balls says:

    Mrs Balls’ head looks like ball.

  30. 30
    pollygirl says:

    Cleaners are all birds Clegg

  31. 31
    Question for Clegg, Deputy Mong says:

    Where is Dave’s spine ?

  32. 32
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Fancy an in / out?

  33. 33
    Labour: Still corrupt, still nasty says:

    Gotta give credit where it’s due, Clegg is on good form.

  34. 34
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Probably dried up prostate glands.

    If the banshee screeches anymore it’s glasses will fall off the very end of its nose.

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    So he went for a bit of a bus trip with another old etonian.What’s the fuss about?

  36. 36
    Left are nobs says:

    Are Harman word written for her, has she no idea how to ask a question without a prompt.

  37. 37
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Well that was a waste of time Hattie.

  38. 38
    Diane Abbott says:


  39. 39
    Question for Clegg, Deputy Mong says:

    Why is there a P3d0 supporter asking questions at the opposition dispatch box ?

    Where’s Wallace ?

  40. 40
    Bloody hell says:

    Can Parliament sink any lower than this?
    Truly dreadful rubbish.

  41. 41
    Owen Jones says:

    Cheeky ;)

  42. 42
    Lord Stansted says:

    yes, but rich bitches tend to be cougars.

  43. 43
    Ed Balls says:

    Ed Balls.

  44. 44
    Labour: Still corrupt, still nasty says:

    Of course they’re pre-scripted. She probably needs a prompt to remember her own name. Hattie is thick as pigshit.

    Case in point:

  45. 45
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Have the EU found the oil co.s guilty already? Must have missed that…

  46. 46
    EU Watch says:

    Unconvincing waffle / lie about the referendum.

    Vote UKIP.

  47. 47
    Left are nobs says:

    Can’t be Muslims being racist can they?

  48. 48
    A Tory says:

    No doubt about it. Nick is better at the PMQ thingy than Dave.

  49. 49
    Ghost Of Thatcher says:

    Little rich girl Harman ain’t fit to lick my boots.

  50. 50
    Albert Southend Pier-Point says:

    We live in hope.

  51. 51
    Labour: Still corrupt, still nasty says:

    Someone credible? In Labour?

  52. 52
    EU Watch says:

    If we cannot trust beef not to be horse, how can we be expected to believe that the EU is best placed to ensure that oil prices are not rigged ?

    This is an EU attack on the ICE.

    Clegg talking about domestic child sex trafficking is embarrassing.

    There are no lessons to be learned: Those lessons are already learned. Unless he is interested in getting involved in the business.

  53. 53
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    No one else reads the LD manifesto

  54. 54
    Left are nobs says:

    ATOS brought in by Labour, the NHS fu**ed by Labours PFI, no wonder there are no beds, labour made sure Labour PFI hospitals had thousands of fewer beds.

  55. 55
    Dee Supmother-Brown says:

    Or a shake it all about referendum later. What if the Hokey Cokey IS what it’s all about.

  56. 56
    BBC says:


  57. 57
    genghiz the kahn says:

    You need to change the prescription of your beer goggles

  58. 58
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Rent boy factory???

  59. 59
    Lord Mandelbum of Shirtlifting says:

    We need more Owen Jones.

  60. 60
    EU Watch says:

    With respect higher cost of petrol in UK, questions should be asked again about why Coryton refinery in the SE was closed down. That closure does have national security implications.

  61. 61
    Left are nobs says:

    Ed Ball mrs looks like her head is a bubble.

  62. 62
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Rory Stewart – can a man be anatomically MORE up his own arse?

  63. 63
    Bercow watch says:

    Vince cable is looking confused again,WTF am I, WTF am I?

  64. 64
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Celt Count = too bleeding many

  65. 65
    Shove a windmill up their ass says:

    Aren’t the smart grids there to switch off your fridge ?

    Note use of word energy community.

    Clegg is communitarian filth.

  66. 66
    Going well says:

    But why is Petrol dearer nay a lot dearer nay many times dearer on the motorways?

  67. 67
    Tristan Hunt........ says:

    What more proof do you need that Labour is no longer the working class man’s party?

  68. 68
    Penfold says:

    Well of course Call me Dave is going to keep a low profile.
    His so-called budget deal with the EU, reducing spending, has gone down in flames with the EU actually increasing the budget demands on the membership.
    And, now we find that Brussels wants Bank Resolution(Crisis) Funds instituted, a policy we had resisted, that will costs taxpayers billions.
    So much for deals, so much for reform.
    And by staying in the States he can avoid all the awkward questions and calls for a referendum now rather than 2017 and invoking Article 50.
    In fact, lets call Homeland Security, and dob him in as a jihadi convert and they can render him to Gitmo with our blessings.

  69. 69
    No Choice says:

    Captured audience?

  70. 70
    Bercow watch says:

    Rory Stewart looks like an extra from the Hobbit

  71. 71
    Munkhopton says:

    Shapps is shite

    He has no appeal to anyone

    He is too golf club members lounge

  72. 72
    Tight yfronts says:

    Scottish men have dreadfully squeaky wee voices, haven’t they?

  73. 73
    Left are nobs says:

    I spy fatty abby

  74. 74
    Colin says:

    HI YA!!!


  75. 75
    Owin Jones says:

    Without repeating myself for the millionth time, when did I say we shouldn’t talk to Guido Fawkes and his chums?! Agh!

  76. 76
    Impartial Observer says:

    Clegg is useless. Vote UKIP.

  77. 77
    Bercow watch says:

    With a bucket of KFC

  78. 78
    Airey Belvoir says:

    His nickname is ‘Florence of Belgravia’ – enough said.

  79. 79
    Left are nobs says:

    Hughes takes 5 minutes to ask a question what everyone can do in 30 seconds.

  80. 80
    Internationalists says:

    They haven’t been since the mid-nineties.

    The working class man’s party is now the Bee ‘n Pea thanks to Labour.

  81. 81
    The Noble Lord Blaby says:

    Good to see everyone in the commons is still obsessing about Europe. It seems my work is now done.

  82. 82
    Farage against the Machine says:

    It cerainly won’t be easy deciding which minority govt. I’ll prop-up with my 7 MPs(*) in UKIP.

    (*) Based on ‘call me Dave’ Dave continuning to be a twunt.

  83. 83
    twitter says:


  84. 84
    Good joh says:

    Is that Sri Lanka, the Sri Lanka which put an end to the terrorism in its midst?

  85. 85
    Impartial Observer says:

    Lessons learned from Sri Lanka: Ignore human rights and let the government kill the terrorists. That was with our tacit support.

  86. 86
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Fuck foreign affairs. Cam should get his arse back here & sort this shitty country out.

  87. 87
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Screw article 50 and the “two years’ notice”, just withdraw. If Brussels complains, we have nukes.

  88. 88
    Left are nobs says:

    It’s Tim Healy!!

  89. 89
    Mr Humphries says:

    I’m freeeeee!

  90. 90
    fear.sum or less. says:

    the mark of zorro.
    nature v nurture.
    roots v energi weapon.
    its allhocuspocus..
    snakes and roots are kegless…so feed em milk or charm em. it is the year of the snake. … ma ka bul. the fox that is silent.
    dogs wants a piece of yu 4 peace. 42. it is energiaware.
    when it does not rain it pours
    cats and dogs.
    whie dog eats dog,
    the cat does it’s own ting.

  91. 91
    Duncan Norville says:

    Chase me! Chase me!

  92. 92
    Nelson's Eye says:

    Who is that MP behind Clegg who is so ignorant as to keep using their ipad and texting ?

  93. 93
    Lord Stansted says:

    He could begin by sacking the Oxford social services boss.

  94. 94
    Impartial Observer says:

    Fuck those foreign affairs.

    The only important one right now is the foreign affair with respect to Europe.

  95. 95
    tanzanite says:

    Well I suppose hatty harpic is marginally more intelligent than militwit.

  96. 96
    Jess Tahh-Thought says:

    Stuart Hall?

  97. 97
    Impartial Observer says:

    Growth and jobs will improve once we stop wasting money on the EU.

  98. 98
    Lord Stansted says:

    He certainly does think he’s wonderful. I wonder what the fell folk think of him?

  99. 99
    tanzanite says:

    Well at least he’s travelling around amer ica in a bus . chuckusyamoney has been tanking round af rica in a chauffeur driven limo – all at our expense!

  100. 100
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Camoron’s idea of “sorting out the country” would involve getting it deeper into debt, burying it under concrete, filling it with Romanians and forcing everyone to hug hoodies and have bumsex (or have bumsex with hoodies).

    Better he stays in America, really.

  101. 101
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    If you are a Northern Irish broadcaster, is it in your job description that you must be a fat get?

    Declan Curry, Stephen Nolan, Eamon Holmes?

  102. 102
    Is it me? says:

    Great way to errode support for an EU Refereundom – get one Tory Diehard to keep sniping at Clegg with the same loaded questions at PMQs . People will switch off you idiots!

  103. 103
    tanzanite says:


  104. 104
    Lord Stansted says:

    and UKIP for everyone else.

  105. 105
    Left are nobs says:

    Alleged war criminal! Is that Tony Blair?

  106. 106
    A doctor says:

    Wrinkled, hairy and hanging to the left?

  107. 107
    Lord Stansted says:

    They are all useless – vote UKIP.

  108. 108
    Is it me? says:

    Sorry- should be ” one Tory Diehard after another…”

  109. 109
    Tessa Tickles says:

    The contents of my handkerchief is considerably more intelligent than Miliband.

  110. 110
    FACT BOMBS says:

    Cameron absent for 3% of PMQ’s
    Bliar 5%
    Brown 11% < lol

    Cameron after May 2015……100%

  111. 111
    tanzanite says:

    Yep I can see StBliar would like the job of Head of the Commonwealth just so long, of course, that it came with generous remunerations and expenses.

  112. 112
    Vote UKIP says:

    No way. The further the PC cnut is from the U.K. the better.

  113. 113
    Bravely hiding behind Obama's sofa, David Camoron says:

    Is it over yet?

  114. 114
    Flubber says:

    Was in Belfast City Hosptal earlier with my dad. He was wondering whether it was in the job description of the administration staff for them to be grossly overweight.

  115. 115

    PC Weakling Camoron is out in 721 days’ time, if not knifed beforehand by his fawning loyal colleagues.

  116. 116
    Barry says:

    Hey you guy — get me a pizza n’ coke

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    We need to cut regulation, tax and spending. The EU is only part of that (1% of GDP versus 45% otherwise by the coalition). We can be the sick dog of Europe perfectly well without being in the EU.

  118. 118
    Ed Miliwonk says:
  119. 119
    Cow says:


  120. 120
    PitPony says:

    Because she is a lady. Something to do with EU quotas. Same reason Clegg is DPM. Apparently you have to have at least one retard

  121. 121
    sixupman says:

    One could say the same about Oakshite!

  122. 122
    Ed Miliband says:

    I think Hattie looks rather fetching and dominant with those specs perched in the end of her beak. I’d like to talk to her about prawn cocktails. Well – shrimping, anyway.

  123. 123
    Fuck the LibLabCon says:

    Nothing wrong with any of that.

  124. 124
    Anonymous says:

    I dont know how anybody can bear her or Yvette, they are both absolute witches, i even feel sorry for Ed and Jack.

  125. 125
    Anonymous says:

    Rod still thinks he is 30 when he could pull the likes of Britt Eklund, he is now making a real fool of himself.

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    Mid thirties you mean !

  127. 127
    Anonymous says:

    ukip are fecking useless ! stop being such a prole !

  128. 128
    Anonymous says:

    Will you be an MP (at last) then Nigel ? or will you remain in the gravy train, oops sorry, will you remain an MEP(on vastly better exies)

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    You seem to be obsessed with bums, put a frigging sensible comment on or dont bother, pervert.

  130. 130
    Stuart Hall says:

    She loves p.i.e.

  131. 131
    Anonymous says:

    I dont think there is much in it, to be honest.

  132. 132
    Willy Vague says:

    Clegg talking ballocks, who would have thunked it.

  133. 133
    Willy Vague says:

    Because she knows where the bodies are buried.

  134. 134
    Abu Quatada says:

    Never, the religion of piss justs want what it deserves.

  135. 135
    Mr Assad says:

    Well said

  136. 136
    Anonymous says:

    Why has the EU suddenly become flavour of the month ? all there people assuming we would be better of out. Where have they got their info from ? is it reliable ? )i wouldnt trust nigels figures)who on earth do they think will take over if they piss David Cameron off over this ? etc

  137. 137
    Anonymous says:

    There have only been 2 PMQs in the last 8 weeks anyway because of hols and Mrs T. Trust vile Hattie to spread disinformation!

  138. 138
    Anonymous says:

    I dont understand, is that rude ?

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Who do the fawning loyal numbskulls suggest in Daves place ?

  140. 140
    Vote conservative for uncontrolled immigration says:

    Anon, does your 18 yr old boyfriend enjoy living with a quisling ?

  141. 141
    Anon's 18 year old boyfriend says:

    Yes I do – It’s a lot better than being known to vote UKRAP – you get put in the isolation wing with the Mozzie nonces. But I guess you like being with k1ddy f1ddlers who get down on their knees in front of you 6 times a day.

  142. 142
    Anon's 18 year old boyfriend says:

    A bit like Crash Bandicoot then – He should start using the argument that immigrants have taken his job (Chucky Urelunchup, Diane Fattybottymus etc…) so he can only be employed in Europe – twats like you would buy his sh1t wholesale

  143. 143
    Portfolio says:

    Now I understand the meaning of : Arse about face.

  144. 144
    yvemaria says:

    Your Gran Apeaks the TRUTH,Cameron alway’s Jumps Ship when the He is Under Presure……GET HIM OUT NOW…WHO Pay’s for ALL of His Trips ABROAD…………US OF COURSE.

  145. 145

    I was very pleased to discover this web site. If you don’t mind I would also share a tip. Fidning a Personal sexy muscles love firm can be dificult, should you live in Sourthern California and you also need a Personal sexy muscles nude man, simply click my link.

  146. 146
    Windmills & Woofters says:

    Ever seen Ernest Borgnine & Grant Shapps in the same room together? Nor me.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,717 other followers