May 12th, 2013

Read Guido’s Column in the Sun Today

Guido shares a page with Nadine in today’s Sun. In Guido’s column:

    • 20130512-103734.jpg Ed Miliband told Guido a funny over carrot sticks and hummus
    • PM on Chuka: “let’s get him”
    • Nigel Farage’s unbelievably “bonkers” dinner party with Labour luvvies, celebs, heirs, heiresses and a prince. Guido has the guest list.
    • What Lord Strathclyde is doing for money these days
    • The price of local UKIP-Tory mini-coalitions
    • The bad smell around Keith Vaz

Politics for the people, just 60p…


  1. 1
    Bill Cash says:

    Portillo turns the knife. “Cameron clearly not in control of his party, & may vote against his own Queens Speech”

    • 2
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      Cameron is out of his depth, and has been promoted to his level of incompetence.

      • 20
        JJ Abrams ruins everything he directs says:

        Promoted beyond his level of incompetence, surely.

        Somewhere in the UK, a used-car dealership is missing its shifty salesman.

        • 268
          Point of Information says:

          Cameron has always struck me as one of those middle management types.

          Never quite good enough to get promoted higher, but with a very brown nose, office slightly separate from the main work zone, and never afraid to put the knife in an underling, or mess with their minds, if you catch my drift.

          There would always be rumor of something going on with the tasty young interns, but never anything formal done by HR, and a reasonably high staff turnover rate in his little department.

        • 400
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          My perfect job for Cameron, as I have already mentioned somewhere elsewhere, is to run a team of bog cleaners on the London Underground. He has missed his vocation.

      • 21
        JJ Abrams ruins everything he directs says:

        Promoted beyond his level of incompetence, surely.

        • 27
          Pawn Sandwich says:

          The Peter Principle does not apply to politicians. Proof: John Prescott.

          • JJ Abrams ruins everything he directs says:

            The Labour Party can provide a lot of evidence of that. John Prescott is a good example, but also

            Gordon Brown
            Ed Miliband (to be fair, Labour voted for his brother)
            Baroness Ashton
            Baroness Scotland (the first person to be caught breaking a law that she herself introduced)
            Chuka Umunna
            Ed Balls (“tax and spend always fails, but when I do it, it will work”)

          • Pawn Sandwich says:

            I only gave one example JJ. Had I put a full list up then the post would have been too long and thus not retain the attention span of an academic pedant.

            Agree with your other examples. Many more could be found.

          • intelligent people says:

            Do not read mass media opinions of elite sycophant gobshites.

          • Old Blind Pugh says:

            “Politics for the people, just 60p…”Geedo, I think you flatter yourself there old cock, the people that buy the Sun for the footy and the headline scandal, not for the Geedo politics column most Sun readers can barely tell you the name of their MP or Cameron, Clegg and Milliband are, they buy it for the piccies (scantily dressed tarts & footy) and scandal, those are the things they go when they first open the rag.

          • CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

            Incompetence seems to be a political competence.

          • Osama the Nazarene says:

            Pughsie what you say is true but I bet a sizeable minority glance at Sir Guido’s column.

          • Magic 8 Ball says:

            I’ll give you TWO (yes, two) examples of how unerringly stupid Conservative MP’s can be.

            1) Letting a 25% vote on a 30% turn-out throw the party into the usual chaos over Europe..

            2) Michael Fabricant’s embarrassingly awful appearance on HIGNFY….

        • 401
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          Yes JJ Abrams, but I was trying to be polite to the head feck.

    • 8
      Decisions decisions says:

      Cameron has so many queens to choose from.

      • 13
        N.Evans says:

        Anyone got a piano?

      • 39
        who has noose 4u. says:

        or bulli…naire.
        appi or peace.
        2 or 6.
        100 or 1000,000.
        between the ra1 and the billi.bulli.naire is the zero.
        1 ……… 1,000,000,000. is the zero.
        billibullinaires suckup2thezero.
        zero is is 91 is a zero.

        • 53
          reports from the rear says:

          has this lost something in translation?

        • 185
          Gordon says:


        • 253
          Van Gogh says:

          I am

        • 260
          The Geordie Van Gogh says:

          Should have been me, surely?

        • 303
          Theo Van Gogh says:

          I was just an ornery non-politically-correct version of the bohemian artistic type, murdered because I dared take the piss out of Muslims. Great-great-uncle Vinnie, well, he might have had a screw loose (or twelve), we’re not really sure what he had. Temporal lobe epilepsy, they say (of course, all that absinthe didn’t help matters any).

    • 11
      Franklin D.Roosevelt says:

      “It’s a terrible thing to look over your shoulder when you are trying to lead and find no one there.”

      • 108
        Old Blind Pugh says:

        They are there it is just Cams can not see them, they have their daggers and spears sharpened and awaiting an opportunity to stab him in the back

    • 14
      One Term Dave says:

      I am surrounded by my Eton bumchums. I call them my A Team.

      • 17
        Ernest Saunders says:

        It turns out it’s George Osborne who’s running the show and Dave is just the acceptable face. They really have fucked it up by punching their core vote. Nevermind, eh?

        • 22
          Ernest Thornhill says:

          Their numbers are up.

          • "John Reese," Person Of Interest, says:

            “Pee Wee” and I have a pretty “interesting” way of handling certain people whose “numbers come up.” You don’t REALLY want to know how– else I’d have to, well, y’know…

            (J.J. Abrams also produces my show too, BTW…)

        • 88
          Gawd Help Us says:

          Osborne is running the show? Well that certainly explains a lot.

      • 102
        Lord Stansted says:

        This is the best team.

      • 270
        money money money says:

        Has Labour paid back the millions it owes the struggling Co-op Bank yet??

    • 52
      Lord Lamont says:

      “In government BUT…..not in power !”

    • 120
      Sir William says:

      Dear old Guido, writing his quite sensible pieces in the Sun, like the token scientist in a TV documentary about yetis.

      • 190
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        In Guido’s case more like the token yeti in a TV documentary about scientists.

        • 212
          Tay King-dePisse says:

          Yeti’s being handsomely paid for it, isn’t he? (*boom-tish!*) Writing a column– those are big shoes to fill, but our Guido’s just the Bigfoot who can do it, yeah? But I suppose YOU think that’s “Abominable.”

    • 189
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      ‘May vote against his own Queens Speech?’. I had no idea that Portaloo or Poxy Foxy were even planning to make a speech subject to a vote.

    • 231
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Interesting survey you probably won’t be reading about on AlBeeb

    • 280
      Anonymous says:

      To be fair, when was the last time anyone listened to Portillo?

    • 300
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      I’m absolutely certain that Lord Mandelson and Daniel Cohn-Bendit will tell you that the European experiment has succeeded because there has been peace in Europe since it began in the 1950s. Can we just knock that on the head? European integration has had absolutely nothing to do with peace in Europe since World War II; that has been the achievement of NATO [the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation]. The creation of the European Union was not about war and peace, otherwise there would have been a European Defence Community, and that was vetoed by the French National Assembly in 1954.
      Economic evaluation

      Europe has to be judged in economic terms, since its own terms have always been economic. And how did it do? In the 1950s the economy of integrated Europe grew at 4 per cent. In the 1960s, it was about the same. In the 1970s, growth was 2.8 per cent; in the 1980s, it slid to 2.1 per cent; in the 1990s, it was only 1.7 per cent: and so on, down to zero.

      As European integration has proceeded, its growth has declined. The share of Europe in global GDP has fallen since 1980 from 31 per cent to just 19 per cent. Since 1980 the EU has grown faster than the United States in only nine out of 32 years. Never has its unemployment rate been lower than the US unemployment rate.

      Are any of you investors? What were the worst equity markets of the last 10 years? They were Greece, Ireland, Italy, Finland, Portugal, the Netherlands, and Belgium — the worst in the world. And on top of all of this, we have monetary union — the ultimate experiment gone wrong.

    • 356
      Eddie the Beagle says:

      The evil empire strikes back (300 times)

  2. 3
    Vote Tory, get heir to Blair says:

    Michale Gove the latest gutless Tory to come out of the closet on Brexit.

    • 7
      Breakfast at 29 Arcacia Avenue off Stephen Street, Tickhill, South Doncaster, Near the A1 roadworks says:

      err no. Gove has always been out of that closet.

    • 55
      For the sake of accuracy says:

      Gove has always been staunchly Eurosceptic even in his days as a correspondent/leader writer for “The Time”…

    • 62
      Living in 97.1% white Merseyside says:

      Well he used to be a regular guest on BBC2′s Culture Show.

  3. 4
    Spartacus says:

    And what of UKIP?

    • 6
      Nigel Farage says:


    • 114
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      26% of votes. Moving up.

      No-one seems to ask… Where are the libdums? (apart from prison).

      • 186
        Anonymous says:

        • 423
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          Prefer a bit of Gram myself,

          Fascinating death and buriel he had – quite bonkers, only in the US,

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            WHOOPSIE! became BBC 1970s repeat there!

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Better one of Gram here, with Emmy-Lou,

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Always puzzled me how ladies can cope with long hair, got into my eyes and mouth and everywhere when I once tried to grow, to the point that I declared baldness can not come too soon. Thank God I didn’t live around then where young men’s fashion for long hair would have sent me nuts. No wonder I became a mod in the late seventies, after skinhead dabbling with punk,

            Speak to Jackie now and then, of Rupert Bear and White Horses fame – lives in British Columbia in Canada these days, 77th birthday in a couple weeks, which I will send a birthday card to as usual, and enjoying herself in BC, but as you do when you are 76, you have the occasional health scares, as you do, when the body starts creaking. Another of Jackie here, done to a modern London life vid, enjoy,

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            …by the way, Emma Rede was one of the syonyms/anons that Jackie used – contractual lawyer issues from the time and all that, and so on, yes, the money grabbers in the shadows, which I have discussed with Jackie, and she basically calls them cants, in so many words…

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Jackie’s classic b-side Northern soul track, b-side of the He’s my man of above, just simply love the lady,

            S’pose I could post her Barbarella track, intro to that Jane Fonda film, where Jane get’s her young titties out, without a gym or aerobics classes near abouts?

            smack the back of my head!

      • 195
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        Well, if they are in prison they will have had the company of Ashley Mote, Tom Wise and numerous UKIP flunkeys. UKIP – the party that rotates its membership between the Scrubs and Strasbourg.

  4. 5
    A Spokesmen for Ed Miliband said: says:

    Vino și pretinde beneficii noastre

  5. 9
    Privatise the beeb says:

    This “child sex perv on Eastenders”, is the bbc planning to show a programme to celebrate his career and/or shelving a Newsnight investigation?

    • 101
      The 'net is about 4 months ahead of the MSM says:

      Sure this was all out ages back – and not the Grantham stuff.

      If to be privatized, with a brand this tainted, how much would the IPO fetch ?

      Could be a really good buy, but wouldn’t hold the stock for too long.

    • 196
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      Too busy with trying to find an innocent member of the Corrie cast.

      • 264
        Magic 8 Ball says:

        This story is pathetic. Defending stupid stories like this, or the paper that carries them, makes one look stupid.

        Two very famous faces from Corrie in hot water but where’s the headlines “ITV Rocked to the Core?”

        • 393
          CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

          Does ITV extort 3 billion quid a year and threaten 100,000 a week for owning an aerial?

          • I Remember You Hoo says:

            Not forgetting the 7,500 people sent to prison last year for not wanting to pay for the BBC propaganda service.

          • Magic 8 Ball says:

            The licence fee is collected by government and not the BBC (hey, some of it goes to ITV and BSkyB). It is just a further tax and a convention that ‘the silent majority’ of the UK are happy to abide by.

  6. 10
    Tom can hardly contain his joy. says:
    • 262
      The only thing Labour is good at.... says:

      Madeleine McCann
      Millie Dowler
      Stephanie Bottrill.

      Shamelessly using tragedy to push their political agenda.

    • 432
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      as morning follows day – keep strong please, and if you give us true socialists a bit of time, we will fuck them, even if it means taking to the streets and do some TRUE firelighting,


      • 434
        Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

        I know we have all been through this thirty odd years ago, but still, STILL KEEP FUCKING STRONG!

        Ironically, from Clegg’s Sheffield area, the biggest tory I the Coalition. What do you say, Heaven 17 from Sheffield?

        • 435
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          My MI5 file must be quite thick by now, but do I give? NOOO! See this brown hole towards the bottom of my back Cameron? Well come try and FUCK IT, you Tory post-Empire total pathetic nonse.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Steve Buscemi, what do you have to say on this matter?

            Where’s Bill when you need him – “Say, Bill, did you, umm, kill anyone, you know, in Korea?”

            “What kinda of arsenine question is that?”, says Bill.

  7. 16
    Bollocks Broadcasting Corporation says:

    We’ve got so many P dos at the Beeb that if we sacked them all we would cease to function.

  8. 18
    Biased BBC says:

    If we leave the EU 5 million jobs will be lost.

    • 24
      Chlöe Sal Gerbeeba says:

      Can’t you tell the truth just this once ? Your jobs will be lost – and good riddance.

  9. 19
    Questioner says:

    Nobody replied in the previous thread, so I’ll try again here:
    So, who is the ‘Tory’ MP who took the accuser along to the police station to make the complaint against Nigel Evans? One of the Europhile group putting the boot in possibly?
    The article reference:

    Just a ‘concerned citizen’?

  10. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Does anyone know where I can bet on ukip getting no MPs in 2015? Can’t find it on paddypower.

    • 65
      High Dudgeon says:

      It’s a certainty, nobody would take the other side of the bet.

      I don’t like the EU but the closest Farage and his army of amateurs should get to power is a light switch.

    • 197
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      Ladbrokes had 1-2 on no UKIP MPs in 2015 earlier in the week. Very good odds. Should be more like 1-10 on.

      • 199
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        I should have qualified my reply; this assumes the Shalford Tories are not put in charge of the Guildford campaign. They failed to get their papers in for the safest Tory seat in the 2013 council elections and gifted it to UKIP. Even the rest of the Guildford Conservative Party consider them a bunch of inbred retards….

  11. 25
    Person from Porlock says:

    Steve Stills – In the Way

    Strangest sort of feelin’
    It’s with me every day
    Everybody wasted
    A little more than they’d like to say

    Worry ’bout tomorrow
    Like it was today
    Leave you only sorrow
    Feelin’ lost in the way

    When I was in prison
    It was only yesterday
    There were no longer cages
    Still I had to stay

    Think about tomorrow
    Like it was today
    Leave you only sorrow
    Feelin’ lost and in the way

    Never saw the stranger
    Clouding up the day
    Never understanding
    Anything I say

    Do you know the meaning?
    When you finally lose your way
    Who will be your witness
    Come your judgment day

    Think about tomorrow
    Like it was today
    Leave you only sorrow
    Feelin’ lost and in the way

    Who will be your witness?
    Who will be your witness?
    Somebody knew your name
    Who will be your witness?

  12. 31
    Living in 97.1% white Merseyside says:


    Not up our way. We don’t buy the Sun.

    • 36
      JJ Abrams ruins everything he directs says:

      The shops sell it, though, don’t they? They’re not putting it on their shelves just for the hell of it.

      Maybe it’s tourists.

      “Daddy! Daddy! Why is no-one going in that big building?”
      “Because, son, it’s the Liverpool library.”
      “Daddy, I don’t understand!”
      “Think about it, son. Liverpudlians. Books. Reading. Hello? Anyway, I’m off to buy the Sun. That newsagents we passed had loads of them.”

    • 117
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      No, you steal colouring books on the way back from crowding into football stadia without paying.

  13. 33
    Owen Jones says:

    The Sun should be banned because it is not Marxist.

    • 37
      JJ Abrams ruins everything he directs says:

      “If anything is certain, it is that I myself am not a Marxist.” – Karl Marx

      • 48
        Groucho Marx says:

        I wouldn’t join a club that would have me as a member.

        • 68
          David Cameron, quoting Groucho, says:

          “These are my principles, and if you don’t like them– well, I can come up with others…”

        • 69
          Nigel Farage, quoting Groucho, says:

          “Whatever it is, I’m against it– no matter what it is or who commenced it, I’m against it!”

          • Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

            Especially if it is Latvian and has it’s back to the wall.

    • 64
      Living in 97.1% white Merseyside says:

      Please don’t report me but I had a quick glance at their website. Full of stories about Simon Cowell, Beyoncé et al. And all those Z-list celebrities!
      No f**king thank you!

    • 315
      Stopped too fast, too soon says:

      My pants are skid marxist. They should be banned for a different reason.

  14. 34
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    When Tony Blair was looking for WMDs he should have looked no further than the Tory benches opposite.

    • 35
      Owen Jones says:

      My boyfriend soon to be husband, has an enormous WMD.

    • 43
      Labour's Dodgy Dossier says:

      But Tony Blair wasn’t looking for WMDs, because he knew they didn’t exist.

    • 44
      Labour's Dodgy Dossier says:

      But Blair wasn’t looking for WMDs, because he knew they didn’t exist.

      • 58
        45 minutes to save the World says:

        I simply say this…Honourable members on both sides of the House must examine their consciences as they go through the voting lobby tonight! History will decide whether they made the right choice !!

      • 59
        Bloke in a frock from Canterbury says:

        I hear a voice in my head for the same reason. Been getting away with it for years.

      • 119
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

  15. 40
    Jimmy says:

    The Sun: You’ll come for the child sex perv story, you’ll stay for Lily Savage and Guido.

  16. 42
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    We LimpDims will take you back to the Pleistocene period in order to hit our CO2 targets.

    • 66
      Spakko says:

      Don’t forget Ed Miliband was Energy Sec for years. He did nothing but grant permission for these things.

      • 90
        Chris Huhne says:

        I’ve got my job line up for when I get out of chokey.

        It was worth handing all that taxpayers’ money to these fraudulent global warming scam companies, just so they could look after me in retirement.

        Don’t think it’s just us LimpDems, the last Tory chairman of the climate change panes had to step down because he didn’t mention that he had a financial interest and the current chairman is under investigation because he also didn’t mention that he also has a financial interest. Dave’s father in law is also raking it in from wind farms as well.

        • 265
          Anonymous says:

          I’m more interested in Donald Trump suing Alex Salmond over the wind farms/ Scottish golf course story…

  17. 47
    Gordon Brown says:

    Feel my lightsabre.

  18. 49
    This is London today says:

    With of course the lump of dogshit that is Choudry at the forefront.

  19. 50
    Lord Oakshit says:

    I have full confidence in Calamity Clegg.

    • 57
      The Tory Part of the Coalition says:

      Which is more than we have

    • 201
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      Like many I have doubts about Cleggy but all of a sudden I have seen the light. If Gobby Gove is attacking him Cleggy must be on the right path. Gobby – a little mind in a little man in a massive personality disorder.

      • 216
        CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

        Clegg has shown himself to be a duplicitous, self-serving,lying piece of shit. He doesn’t give a toss about the people of this country and would sell us down the river to the EUSSR for a few extra Euros on his Brussels pension. Remember he was promising an in-out referendum in the LibDem election manifesto – another great effing lie to garner a few extra votes. Now a referendum of one sort or another seems to be getting closer, Cleggy has now changed his mind and seems to be doing all in his power to prevent the public from having their say.

        The only thing Clegg does right in his mind is his obsession with making sure he feathers his nest.

        In my opinion, any politician who bends their knee to Barroso and Van Rumpouy is a traitor to this country.

        • 222
          Goodnight Gordon says:

          I agreed with Nick. Anyone seen my Nokia lately?

        • 237
          Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

          Clegg has shown himself to be a duplicitous, self-serving,lying piece of shit. He doesn’t give a toss about the people of this country and would sell us down the river to the EUSSR for a few extra Euros on his Brussels pension.

          You can trust me because I’m already drawing my Old Age Pension.

  20. 67
    The BBC says:

    but if the TORY Lead Government took the United Kingdom out of the EU we would have to reduce our licence fee. with Scotchland gone and then Euroland we would only be left with an English speaking audience.

  21. 73
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    What will Guido do if the Sun comes out on Labour’s side at the next election?

    • 76
      Down Shep says:

      Not likely, I think Ruperts gone off Labour big time.

    • 82
      Fat chance says:

      Rupe would not piss on Miliband even if he was on fire.

      • 113
        Anonymous says:

        Would anyone?

        • 159
          David the Chimp says:

          Yeah, well, he IS my brother, I suppose I’d HAVE to, if it ever came to that. I’d never hear the end of it from Mama if I didn’t.

          • Anonymous says:

            Well Ed certainly pissed on you!

          • David the Chimp says:

            Oh, he took the piss, all right…that’s for damned sure!
            Fuck you very much, Eddie, you DO know I’ll do the same for you some day…soon. (If not the same, I’ll still “do for” you, in any case.)

      • 202
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        Rupe is so far gone nowadays that the catheter prevents him pissing on anyone without medical assistance.

    • 408
      Vote LibLabCon = Fuck off you can't have a vote on the EU says:

  22. 78
    Moussa Koussa's pet meerkat says:

    I’m pretty sure that the EU would vote to leave Michael Gove

  23. 79
    Jack Ketch says:

    Does anyone know who trains the Labour spokespeople to handle interviews?
    Yvette Cooper was on Marr today and in response to the question “Is immigration still too high?” replied, “It needs to be lowered”. Pressed with “Does that mean that you believe that it is too high?” she insisted only that it should “be lowered”. One sees this trend with all the Labourites, especially the women, Harman and Reeves being quite the worst. If you asked them if they were male or female, they would tell you that the situation is under review.
    May be they think that they are being clever ( the only ones that might) and fail to see that one of Farage’s key attractions is that he can actually answer a question.

    • 85
      Down Shep says:

      Jack Dromey is asked: Are you male or female?.

    • 97
      green ink says:

      Yvette the Ascerbic Impaler is an expert at avoiding answering the question … its what she and Ed do by nature and of course both learnt at Gordon’s knee.
      Harmen and Reeves not that different but Reeve’s sneer every bit as good as

      Miliband shows the leadership’s narrative is wornout, the policies as yet undecided and trotting out the ‘ you wouldn’t expect us to reveal what will be in the manifesto’ remains two years out the default buffer…. pathetic expediency so totally transparent even the great unwashed must whince.

      • 123
        Bazinga! says:

        Yvette wears a assume strap on. Harps Harmn IS a massive strap on.

        • 172
          Blinky says:

          I like to suck a lemon while Yvette gets to work on me.
          I’ve heard that acerbic acid is good for my complexion.

    • 243
      Lord Duckhouse of Pondlife says:

      “If you asked them if they were male or female, they would tell you that the situation is under review.” Good one! :)

  24. 83
    Andrewsan says:

    Leaving the EU would benefit the Lord Youngs – those who are after a quick buck off someone else’s back. The working people in the UK need investment, strong industry, as Germany has done

    • 86
      Ian Bell says:

      If I were Gove I would make sure I had the weapons at hand to finish Cameron off before I started poking him with a stick.

      • 96
        Shergar says:

        All stakes are forfeit.

        • 137
          Lard Pressclott of Beams, Bellies, Banjos, Bulimia, two bog seats, two Jags & Shags. says:

          All steaks are for eating.

      • 209
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        Mr Bell; if you were Gove, judging by your past in the test team, you would be rotated in and out of positions so fast and often you wouldn’t have time to consider any other activities. You do have one thing in common with Gove. Always making way for inferior players from the right schools.

    • 87
      Lord Knob of Knobbington says:

      Jockeying for position within the Conservative party, first May, now Gove, neither of whom I would put in charge of running a bus.

      Damage for the Conservative Party because the old ways of airing differences in public and especially over Europe are back and should make it certain they will be out of office come the next election. No tears given some of their policies which were both politically naïve and socially damaging.

      • 93
        One eyed Gordon says:

        This country has really gone downhill since I stopped being PM.

        • 149
          Gordo McRuin, the Medicated Monetary Moron, friend of all Bent and Bonkers Bankers says:

          I repeat!!! – The only hope for the UK to get out of this mess is to reinstall me in my Downing Street Bunker!

    • 130
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Ah yes the german model of lending people money to buy your exported stuff…

      When they come to collect that debt, there won’t be anything there.

      • 205
        Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

        Not looked at the German debt figures have you?

        • 228
          CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

          Look at Deutsche Bank, Germany’s RBS.

          • Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

            Look at total German debt or German external debt. There are similar problems with German banks as with those in other countries; essentially they bought misrepresented financial instruments off slick US salesmen. Whilst that is uncomfortable it is minor in the context of the national debt position (which is much better in Germany than most places). And, for info, the biggest bank problem in Germany remains the cumulative capital shortfall of the Landesbanks, not Deutche Bank or Commerzbank.

          • CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

            DB is the “conduit” for the export loans. Should be interesting to see what happens as its loan book gets more “fragile”.

  25. 94
    Casual Observation says:

    Leaving the EU should create jobs in the UK and increase tax revenues, repairing the medium to long term damage sustained by public finances fairly quickly.

    From a strategic perspective it may be wise to institute national service in the event.

    Whilst the services would be a bit irritated at having to nanny the unwashed into something worthy of rank, this would serve to shore up defenses in the event of any problems in the European theater, and would help fix some of the damage that state education and unemployment have inflicted upon much of the youth of today.

    This would be of immense benefit to industry.

    Young chaps would perhaps welcome such a development as it would certainly beat monging around council estates in the vain hope of losing out on a menial job application to an eastern European economic migrant. Some of the skills picked up playing X-Box could well be put to use in the real world.

    • 98
      Invest now in armoured umbrellas says:

      Not sure I’d want the likes of TWatson in charge of a drone.

    • 100
      One eyed Gordon says:

      If you do that you will destroy 13 years of Labour government.

      • 152
        Deja Vu says:

        Everything that is wrong with the Uk to-day can trace its roots back to the period 1997 – 2010 when Labour was in power……Human Rights Act; Too much power ceded to EU; Failing educational standards;benefits culture;NHS failings; involvement in unwinnable foreign wars; low standrds in public life;unsafe streets; pockets of deprivation and rising crime;uncontrolled immigration;porous national borders;high levels of youth unemployment; the list is endless but why we should be surprised I don’t know after all those old enough to remember saw it all before in the mid to late 70′s

        • 162
          Casual Observation says:

          It was nearly identical.

          Not so many civil liberties were ceded to government in the 70s. The intrusion into private life by the state during the recent Labour episode was Orwellian in the extreme.

          The other difference is that instead of getting a rational Conservative government in to clean up the mistakes, with decent oil revenue to back up the plans, this time we got Cameron and the oil fields are nearly empty.

          Add to that a seriously depleted Gold reserve, thanks to what should be considered one of Brown’s many criminal actions, and, you have Britain today.

          The massively negative influence of EU membership and unrestricted inward immigration was also missing in the 70s.

          The situation now is significantly worst than it was back then. People are now beginning to see this…

        • 276
          Magic 8 Ball says:

          “Everything that is wrong with the Uk to-day can trace its roots back to the period 1997 – 2010 when Labour was in power”

          Seriously deluded…..

    • 131
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Fight socialism with a massive central government!

      Dumb in the extreme.

    • 151
      Village Idiot says:

      “Are you Indigi Brit,as your spelling is from across the pond”?

  26. 105
    What tax tom? says:
    • 106
      Small change for you eh Jack? says:
      • 121
        Mili has only got one Ball, Dave hasn't got one at all. says:

        the last socialist leader who went down the one nation socialist route was called Adolf Hitler.

        And like Ed Miliband he had one Ball.

        • 154
          Nigel Farage says:

          Careful– don’t go there…you’ve been warned, old chap!
          Now just say you’re sorry, and we’ll say no more about it, there’s a good lad…

        • 225
          Whatever happened to Owen Patterson says:

          What was that pledge in the Socialist Manifesto ?

          A sustainable and affordable housing market for all.

          I beg your pardon but this poor woman’s death is down to Labour and not the Tories.

          Have the Police carried out any arrests yet?

      • 125
        Jacqueline Dromey says:

      • 126
        Bazinga! says:

        Fuck off Dromey you little dickless creep.

      • 128
        EU Watch says:

        Exiting the EU and saving > GBP 50m / day, and ensuring that corporations who trade here pay tax here, could boost public revenues to the level at which the benefit transfer Labour mislabel as ‘bedroom tax’ could be reinstated.

      • 129
        (I don't need no doctor) says:

        Dromey – explain how HMRC collects the bedroom tax.

      • 133
        Mr Harman. Proof that Scum does sink. says:

        Despicable little man. Inventing a false political slogan and promoting it with the tragic death of a woman.

        Are there no lows that Labour can’t sink to?

        • 143
          Jacky Dromedary (the only gal with a cock and no clit) says:

          I give you my he’s – SHE’S – my sister / in law / etc.,

          • The NooLieBore Cliterati says:

            It’s alright Daaarhhling!!! – lots of us have cocks and no real clits worth bothering with.

          • The killing game says:

            If Labour want to play shroud waving politics then Stafford NHS would make a good starting point. Putting aside dodgy dossiers that lead to hundreds of thousands of innocents being killed that is.

        • 164
          Casual Observation says:

          New but not without precedent.

          Recap some of the lowest / most Tasteless:

          i) Ding Dong / fielding candidate who openly supported near assassination of a Prime Minister and actions of terrorists

          ii) Mass murder / cover up on the NHS

          iii) The whole smear campaign against Hamilton and Conservative party in the early 1990s: Total fabrication.

          iv) Labour 25 + x list / politically motivated confiscation of children during by-elections

          v) Senior members involved with openly advocating pro P’Do groups in the name of liberty / liberalism (Harman / Hewitt)

          vi) 1997 thru 2010

          vii) Anyone recall Mandelson’s ‘Surfball’ fictional game of future during the Dome debacle ?

          viii) Tony Blair / Gordon Brown / Ed Balls

          ix) Owen Jones / Penny Laurie / Most of the BBC and left wing comedians etc.

          x) Banning of handgun ownership in the wake of what have been the stage managed killing of children in D’Blain

        • 234
          tanzanite says:

          I think the answer to that is No. Labour will sink to any low to promote its failed ideology.

          As for Mr Hatty Harpic – odious man – words fail me!!

      • 136
        Confucious, he says:

        Do we kow why her children or grandchildren didn’t help her out?

        • 138
          Anonymous says:

          Probably thought it was the responsibility of the taxpayer and not theirs’.

      • 155
        The Layabout Party says:

        Yippee, let’s use someone’s suicide for party political gain! In fact, let’s have a party – just like when Fatcha died!

      • 158
        Enough says:

        If I couldn’t afford my lodgings, I’d move somewhere within my range.

      • 210
        Anonymous says:

        she should have given up the fags then………..

      • 224
        Ghostwhistler says:

        Iain Duncan Smith, Esther McVey, Mark Hoban, Chris Grayling, Steve Webb, you are all, in my opinion, complicit in this woman’s death.

        • 245
          Vote Tory, get heir to Blair says:

          I thought the fault was all Gordon Brown’s for single-handedly destroying the British economy.

        • 246
          Vote Tory, get heir to Blair says:

          I thought the complicity was all Gordon Brown’s for single-handedly destroying the British economy. If some drunk driver runs over somebody whose leg then needs amputating it’s a bit thick to blame the surgeon for cutting it off.

          • Magic 8 Ball says:

            A very poor analogy. Unfortunately, whether it’s making political capital or not this will just be the start.

            And the British public is not stupid.

          • tanzanite says:

            No indeed the British public is not stupid.

            It is very sad that this lady had mental problems. It is disgraceful that solihull council failed to behave properly and find her a suitable home and it is even sadder that militwit’s labour party has piled in to turn her sad death into a shroud waving thingy.

        • 385
          CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

          People who kill themselves are mentally ill.

          To think Labour would stoop to abusing the mentally ill to try and score political points is a new low even for the party of sociopaths.

  27. 107
  28. 109
    • 134
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      • 174
        Martha at One says:

        I still don’t understand a word that you say. Reducing VAT will have no effect upon tax receipts? The British are not to be trusted with a fee vote because they do not have your vision and beliefs? The Labour Party did make mistakes but they were unavoidable and still in the best interest of the British? It was all Tony Blair’s fault then….

  29. 116
    Ed Milliband says:

    If i was asked what my favorite song was I would have to say it was ‘On the Good Ship Lollipop’.

    Mamma used to sing it to me right up until I was fifteen. It was always something I would sing when David had been bad and told Mamma and Papa that I had been playing with the dogs thingy again.

    Even to this day when someone, like big Mr McClusky, tells me off I go away somewhere secret and sing it to myself.

  30. 139
    Peter Courmouzis says:

    An autistic piece of shit is likely to be released from HM Prison Leyhill this week.

    • 144
      Drіve-by shooting says:

      I might make the time to help him on his journey

    • 176
      Trim Your Bush... says:

      oh no not the jugged one with the ugly mate

    • 206
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      Gobby’s making a prison visit? Theresa May will be pissed off about him treading on her turf.

  31. 140
    Two Can Play at The Shroud-Waving Game says:

    I’ll raise you two people who committed su*cide for being forced to live in one room with their children because other people on benefits were housed in properties with more rooms than they needed, and wouldn’t trade down to make way for others with greater need.

    • 145
      Aboo Catarrhdahdedah says:

      I too can wave shrouds!

      • 169
        Shrouds of note... says:

        - 6 Royal Military Policemen left behind and slaughtered in a filthy police station in Al Jamaar…

        Blair’s face says it all really.

    • 220
      Anonymous says:

      Stephanie Bottrill commits suicide because she can not afford £80 poor Bedroom Tax per month & IDS gets £77 a day lunch allowance!

      Welcome to Tory Britain. And you can’t blame Labour for this one.

      • 232
        The Good Samaritan says:

        It is sad that in modern Britian children and grandchildren won’t help out their elderly relatives and prefer them to rely on complete strangers who are threatened with prison or bankrupcy by the over-taxing state instead.

      • 321
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        She could’ve got a job…

        Benefit addicts will do anything not to work.

    • 226
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Why didn’t they buy a big enough house and THEN have children???

    • 288
      Magic 8 Ball says:

      Okay, please post a link.

  32. 141
    The Treacherous Tosser in No 10 speaking (as advised) like the Common People, says:

    Now look here chaps! – you can jolly well trust me with your last €uro-guinea – nowotimeen? Innit?

    Loik !

    And loik you Channel-hopping shoppers, – I dashed well love a jolly super helping of Moules-frites – there’s the epitome of the €USSR!!!!


    • 180
      change the record..yawn says:

      realistically you’re a bigger c’unt than than your TT in No 10 friend

    • 207
      Pandora Spankingham-Wopp says:

      No euroguineas left. Parker Farage has just bankrupted Europe with his latest expenses claim.

  33. 150
    Tuvalu says:

    No sea level rising happening here.

    Meanwhile the Guardiknack keeps spreading the word:

    • 153
      Bring back The Daily Sport - at least it occasionally told the truth says:

      I’m sure the people who paid for this lot must believe that sea levels are rising :

      • 161
        err says:

        if we stopped eating all the fish so that there was an explosion of aquatic life would the sea level rise significantly ?

        • 163
          err says:

          meaning, on land a fat fucker takes up space but the air space can only expand upwards which is not very helpful, whereas in the water a fat fucker fish will push the water somewhere else, to cover the land, making more space of water to swim about in.

          • Rustberger's Organ says:

            In Holland you can take out insurance against FatButt taking a dip in the sea.

          • err says:

            wouldn’t the insurance company try to wriggle out of their responsibility claiming and Act of Blob ?

        • 166
          Scientist(ish) says:


          With more fish eating plankton etc. there could be less capacity for the oceans to absorb CO2. No rise in sea levels as the biomass which the fish are made of is already in the water. If you dropped a Whale the size of Antarctica in the Ocean there may be a slight rise of a few inches, but human fish consumption will not change this.

          Withdrawing from EU, getting rid of CFP and keeping the filthy Euro fishing boats out of British Sovereign waters would help fish stocks recover.

          If we stopped eating fish, Fish and Chip shops, processing factories etc. would go out of business costing UK jobs with a corresponding impact on standards of living for a number of people and more unemployment.

        • 171
          CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

          No, another fish eating predator would probably fill out niche.

        • 178
          Troughing Hull-boy says:

          I’ll have yours if you’re not eating it. Shame to waste when I’m so ravenous. It’s called bullshitaemia.

    • 342
      Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

      The only thing that is warming is the rhetoric.

  34. 156
    Mr. Deputy Speaker with the funny scar and caked in women's makeup says:

    Tory MP triggered Deputy Speaker r@pe case by taking alleged victim to police station:

  35. 157
    err says:

    Guido’s column between the sheets with Nadine ?

  36. 179
    err says:

    these 3D printers are crazily exciting, with the ability to print element by element at tiny scale we will find where does life reside but incidentally colonize the planets and small worlds that are flying about as well as printing humans.

    • 183
      err says:

      all the best ideas came about in the sixties :-)
      do people remember ” the Santa Claus machine” ?
      Stick a machine on an asteroid and get it to mine materials and make itself then tell it to make something else.

      • 187
        Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear says:

        Can you get one to dig up a roll of shot silk and make some socks for me ?

  37. 181
    HaveIGotNewsForYou is the BBC's Mouthpiece says:

    Clegg won’t last long. Cable will succeed him and take the LibDems into coalition with Labour. Tories will lose. We won’t get our referendum. Britain will remain a province of the Merkelreich.

    • 221
      any old crap says:

      The Libcrap can co-aless with who the hell it wants, the country is bankrupt even after printing all that toilet paper, I hope Liebour do get back in, because in a year I think we will have civil disruption when the benefit kings find out their tax free stipend will stop and they will need to find work (ha ha ha) or do something else to get money, the enjoyment is, these people will have to compete with the immigrants and from what is happening around the NW in a few factories that have Polish middle management they are only taking on Poles, well apart from British contractors who are on half the wage of the Poles.

    • 235
      A Doctor says:

      Cable probably won’t last too much longer either

  38. 188
    Anonymous says:

    “Ed Miliband told Guido a funny over carrot sticks and hummus”

    Just the single dip Ed.

  39. 217
    Anonymous says:

    Ian Duncan Smith is a charlatan as indicated by his pronouncement of inaccurate and false statistics on welfare that he has so convincingly trotted out to the general public. He claims that the cap on welfare is turning people from scroungers into strivers yet the UK Statistics Office have reprimanded him for being economical with the truth which in my language makes him out to be a liar. This unscrupulous man has been portrayed as a gentleman whose word is his bond. How in all conscience can he wear such a badge of office, look at himself in the mirror at the end of each day and then sleep. Incidentally, that equally applies to his fellow conspirators who assisted him with his deceit as justification for penalising the poorest in our society.

    • 227
      Prophetic says:

      Not to be too harsh on IDS….but……

      The man is not merely a liar, he’s pretty irredeemably stupid.

      Described as ‘not particularly academic’ he failed the eleven plus, and at 14 left his Birmingham RC Sec Mod to be trained in the Merchant Navy Then got into Sandhurst and left military service, self-described as a ‘captain’ but the evidence point to the fact that he never attained this rank. We know that he lied shamelessly on his CV.

      And in 2003:

      “Stuart Wheeler, then one of the Tory party’s biggest donors, threatened publicly to withdraw his funding unless IDS went [as Leader of the Opposition].

      “As leader I think he was a disaster,” he said.

      “He lacked gravitas and came over as weak. He was a bad communicator. One read that he was high-handed with his staff and that his office was shambolic. He’d lose important papers down the back of sofas.”

      This is a man who has the future of the UK disadvantaged, the unemployed, the disabled, the mentally ill, the elderly, children growing up in poverty, in the shambolic synapses of his weak, non-communicative, high-handed, totally inadequate mind. This is a man who puts graduates to work in Poundland, and instigates policies that may be the last fatal straw for some vulnerable people. This is a man who can’t be bothered to tell the truth, or hasn’t the ability. Or both.

      You couldn’t make it up.

      • 233
        Roachclip says:

        It is just a matter of fact that IDS is dishonest, and that he is using that dishonesty to further harm the people in our society who are least able to defend themselves.

        What, arguably, is even worse is that the government, the opposition and the media, by not challenging his lies, are encouraging him.

        Get rid of the ignorant lying prick

        • 242
          Universal Hiss says:

          As George Smith has trouble knowing his own name, most people with sense would understand that anything that comes out of that lying mouth are lies.

        • 289
          Magic 8 Ball says:

          Rather see him try to live on Job Seeker’s Allowance first.

    • 294
      Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

      I have met him at the Commons. He approached me whilst I was looking around the Commons Chamber, not the other way round. He is a good man. He has taken care to find out what is really happening in the dull world of benefits. He has trodden the ground. Maybe he should have been leader but the alternative at the time was Clarke. I supported him then and I do now.

      The poster who said he is not particularly academic is an intellectual snob and should not be trusted.

      • 317
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        particularly academic = PPE and therefore not to be left anywhere near any decisions.

        • 336
          Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

          Indeed, AC1.

          In my case I have been a self-taught student of philosophy for over three decades, as I hold it to be a vitally important subject to human affairs. I claim to know almost nothing after that time but am prepared to persevere.

          Economics is also important but is beset by political slants which work better for Hayek and Popper than for the Frankfurt School. People mis-describe it as a science. It is certainly not. Politics is the big problem in this unholy trinity.

          • CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

            Half of current economics seems to involve the illogical “leaps” akin to bending a changing room mirror and then claiming that the person WAS actually losing weight when they stand in front of it.

          • An Phoblacht says:

            And they said monetarism was discredited…

            Austrian School wins over Friedman and anything wins over Brown/Krugman.

      • 407
        Vote LibLabCon = Fuck off you can't have a vote on the EU says:

  40. 218
    Down Shep says:


  41. 223
    100% horsemeat and no beef says:

    The answer is simple.

    If anyone wants a Council house give them a five year fixed term tenancy after which they either buy the property at market value or reapply to the Council for a new tenancy.

  42. 229
    @mandy1984 says:

    Whenever I hear a government minister start a sentence with the words, ‘The taxpayer’ I feel depressed. I’m a taxpayer and I didn’t vote for this nasty, vindictive government or their shameful policies

    • 313
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      No, you’re quite right. Taxation (state extortion) is far too high and handouts to the feckless are shamefully high.

  43. 238
    Andy Bumhum says:

    Anyone died recently ? Just need to keep waving my shroud.

    • 263
      Point of Information says:

      Would that be the shroud of Mid Staffordshire ?

      That is more like a national blanket of shame.

  44. 239
    Down Shep says:

    Right of reply is bolloxed again, nothing new there then in the general scheme of things.

  45. 240
    Owin Jones says:

    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck
    fuck fuck

  46. 241
    Down Shep says:

    Right of reply is bolloxed again, nothing new there then in the general scheme of things.
    Update, also timescale and numbering sequence.

  47. 248
    just like Ed says:

    In male human anatomy, the glans penis (or simply glans, /ɡlænz/)[1] is the sensitive bulbous structure at the distal end of the penis. The glans is anatomically homologous to the clitoral glans of the human female. Typically, the glans is completely or partially covered by the foreskin, except in men who have been circumcised, though the foreskin can generally be retracted over and past the glans.
    The glans is also commonly referred to as the “head of the penis”, while common British slang terms include “helmet” and “bell end” in reference to its distinctive shape. The medical name comes from the Latin word glans (‘acorn’) and penis (‘of the penis’) – the Latin genitive of this word has the same form as the nominative.

    • 320
      Someone Had To Do This Joke says:

      This joke is so old, Fred Flintstone fell off his dinosaur from laughing so hard after hearing it, but here goes: They say Ed Miliband is Jooish and, hence, circumcised, but how could he be? There’s no end to that prick!

  48. 251
    Dan Hodges says:

    Socialist tweeter and village idiot,Owen Jones has become the first socialist to say he would vote for Britain to leave the EU if a referendum were held now.

    • 261
      Point of Information says:

      It is good to know at least one of the brain cells is working.

      Could this be why the BBC have stopped giving him airtime ?

      • 273
        aunty maud says:

        Did his mum threaten to stop his pocket money unless he ceased talking bollocks?

  49. 254
    tanzanite says:

    Ah I see we have another worthless new policy from militwit.

    He’ll give Dad’s 39 weeks paid leave when their child is born. More QE needed then?!!

    • 274
      More union inspired madness says:

      Yet more proof that Milliband has absolutely NO idea to run a business.
      It’s bad enough when women leave for months of paid maternity leave, without their husbands doing the same.
      How exactly does he think companies can survive with ridiculous ideas like this.

      • 282
        tanzanite says:

        I doubt militwit has any idea about the impact of this stupid policy proposal on businesses.

        He’s had a charmed life going from son of wealthy parents to Uni to the Westminster bubble. He’s never done a real job in his life And he knows absolutely sod all about we ordinary folk who work our socks off every day and make the world turn.

        Labour are no longer for the working classes . His One Nation Labour party is only for the welfare benefit class who need to be told how to vote and are only interested in turning up to get their state handouts!

        • 316
          UKIP or bust says:

          I makes my blood boil to think how the left have by degrees enfeebled so many hundreds of thousands of working men and their sons for their own narrow political ends.

          In a similar way that they have turned ethnics into victims, they have continuously undermined the working mans sense of what it is to take responsibility for his own life and actions.

          By repeatedly telling him he is abused and downtrodden by the capitalist employer and at the same time stealing his wages to pay for the ever growing number of their own indulgencies, propaganda and the client voters they have managed to convince that they are better off not working for the evil capitalist by offering him a pittance to live on in return for his faithful obedience and vote.

          Then once reduced to this enfeebled state they can turn their back on him knowing he is likely to be hooked for life on handouts.

    • 311
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      You should be removing paid leave from women who decide to get pregnant.

      That way businesses might equally employ women and men.

    • 341
      WoRaft ChIHUAHua says:

      Paid paternity leave. If Mick Philpott had ever had a job, he’d have been off permanently paternal.

      Do they not understand the implication of giving paternity leave to person who is not limited by having to blow up like a balloon for nine months before collecting the money?

      • 382
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        You could go on holiday for 9 months.

        The reality is that getting pregnant is a choice. These women choose to take 9 months off. By trying to get OPM to smooth over the consequences of their decisions they ruin the chances of women to find a job.

  50. 259
    Point of Information says:

    The problem with David Cameron is that he leads the Conservative Party, not the SDP.

    He is in the wrong party.

    • 277
      just a minute says:

      He’s still better than Milliband.

      • 283
        tanzanite says:


        And I dont actually like cameron!

      • 293
        David M says:

        Yes but that isn’t even setting the bar low, it’s leaving it lying on the floor.

      • 308
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        Most powerful person in the country and both of them are people you’d actively avoid if you were carousing a room.

      • 325
        Point of Information says:

        Now I did not say that he was not better than Miliband, or Clegg for that matter.

        Miliband should not be in politics either. He has always struck me as either supply teacher, or guy who you send out for S’Bucks or Photocopying.

        Clegg: Career as amateur referee in either football or Rugby: Not politics.

        But Cameron is most certainly in the wrong party. Social democracy does not mix very well with Conservatism, bit like oil and water. Eventually the Conservative part will settle on top :-)

    • 299
      albacore says:

      There ain’t a right party in Parliament
      Any credit they had has long been spent
      Which one he joined didn’t matter a bit
      What all of them shovel, he’s full of it

  51. 267
    Sniff says:

    Balding Clare is the New Bough Frank

    • 326
      Vey concerned public says:

      She likes to snort coke and be dominated ?

      Things finally looking up at the Beeb then.

  52. 269
    Guy News Room says:


    Sorry, our site is temporarily closed while Owen Jones adjusts his dress and makes important changes to help improve your blogging experience.

  53. 271
    scunner says:

    Well that’s independence for Scotland in the bag, then.

    “FORMER prime minister Gordon Brown will make a rare high-profile appearance tomorrow when he helps launch Labour’s campaign for Scotland to stay in the Union.”

    • 284
      tanzanite says:

      Even the Scots dont listen to gordon anymore!!

      • 286
        • 310
          CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

          Everyone in scotland seems to believe in the magic money tree.

          • scunner says:

            You are obviously not familiar with politics in Scotland. There is no money tree but there is an enormous drain called Westminster which areholes like Broon insist on pouring our wealth down.

          • Scotch pine says:

            That’s because of the Barnett tree. Which is about as close to a money tree as you can get

          • Universal Hiss says:

            Strange as it may seem Barnett gives more money to London than the whole of Scotland.

            Subsidy junkies.

          • Universal Hiss says:

            North East £8,177 – 111% of UK average identifiable expenditure
            North West £7,798 – 106%
            Yorkshire and Humberside £7,188 – 98%
            East Midlands £6,491 – 88%
            West Midlands £7,065 – 96%
            Eastern £6,144 – 83%
            London £8,404 – 114%
            South East £6,304 – 86%
            South West £6,677 – 91%

          • Universal Hiss says:

            England £7,121
            Scotland £8,623
            Wales £8,139
            Northern Ireland £9,385

            Scotland gets more than England but N.Ireland does quite well for such a tiny area.Historical scrapping reasons.

            All figures from wiki so make of it what you will.

          • CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

            “Rich diversity” in London…

          • Liam Byrne says:

            I am afraid Barnet is getting a bit thin these days.

    • 306
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!
      Please curse it!

      • 425
        scunner says:

        If we are subsidy junkies why are you tory Hunts desperate to keep your claws in Scotland?

  54. 272
    Better late than never i suppose. says:

    Would you believe it? The Tories are now coming out of the closet as Tories. If they had done this three years ago they would have won the election, the Libdems would not have fucked up the country’s energy policy and Stephen Fry would have been single for life.

  55. 275
    Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch says:

  56. 290
    Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

    Fuck off Ferguson!

  57. 297
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    To all MPs, the media, so called experts, or anyone that uses the terminology.

    It’s not government money, it’s tax payers money. Get it fucking right you turds.

  58. 307
    Moussa Koussa Mark 8 says:

    My arse is feeling sore today. Wonder why?

  59. 323
    The Pretentious Prick posing as PM says:

    I say you jolly chaps!!! – all my chums say they’ll give me a dashed good partee when I’ve got bally Britain fully in the maw of the €USSR and when a fella can’t move for Windmills and everyone believes in Global Warming Bullshit!!!!!

    But by then I’ll be long gone into the bliss of Anjeela’s warmth and blissful comfort zone!!!


  60. 324
    The Dirty Digger thrashes the BBC says:

    Well bugger me. In the BAFTA public vote.

    Sky’s Game of Thrones beat the BBC and Danny Boyle’s Olympic ceremony.

    • 328
      The Land of Milk and Honey says:

      I’m not so sure that beaming a two hour advert to every corner of the globe for a free welfare and healthcare system was the brightest of ideas anyway.

      • 349
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        Free? They extort 300 billion by fining people who bother working to make it “free”.

      • 440
        I remain mightily unimpressed by thyat display says:

        I blame Danny Boilindebag.

  61. 329
    Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

    Top ten US music artists under-recognised in UK today:

    1. Steve Stills
    2. Arthur Lee
    3. Chris Hillman
    4. Lowell George
    5. Gerry Garcia
    6. Roger McGuinn
    7. Tom Scholz
    8. Jorma Kaukonen
    9. Bill Payne
    10. Gram Parsons
    11. Emmylou Harris
    12. Bob Weir
    13. Jimi Hendrix
    14. Jerry Lee Lewis

    OK, I cheated a bit…

    • 334
      Paul McCord says:

      Under-recognised by who ?


      Anyone remember Roy Harper this side of the pond ?

      • 337
        Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

        Yes. Hats off to Harper!

        But he was English!

        • 351
          Paul McCord says:

          OK, but you didn’t spell out the rules.
          I wonder if they remember him over there.


          And how can you include Hendrix in your list ?

          • Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

            Oh! Come on.

            I know you are not thick.

            The clue is in the first sentence.

          • Paul McCord says:

            But where does it say that there are no unwritten rules ?


            You didn’t answer re Hendrix. I must admit that I don’t know all the names you listed, but Hendrix, at least, still appears on the occasional Sky Arts programme over here.

          • Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

            Occasional for his mega-status = under-recognised IMHO.

            If you appreciate real music, as I suspect you do, then research all those names you don’t know and I promise you will not be disappointed.

            Of course, we have plenty in the UK to match these but I prefer to be internationally receptive. I am still learning.

  62. 345
    Alan Sugar is fired says:
    • 347
      Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

      Sugar is another сunt.

      *must stop using this word but it is so apt for the circumstances*

      • 353
        Shergar says:

        Sugar has 80% horse DNA. He’s for the high jump.

      • 377
        CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

        AMS malinvested in a bucket load of commercial property at exactly the wrong time…

        Just waiting for the “shock” announcement.

        • 389
          Tachybaptus says:

          Way back from that, Amstrad had the cheap end of the computer market completely cornered, and blundered into losing their lead. Sugar is a loser.

  63. 355
    Jack Harman rants says:
    • 359
      Don't let the facts get in the way Jack says:
      • 362
        Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

        In case anyone is wondering, the brilliant photo in that Telegraph article above is by Pete Le May. It is not properly captioned (shame on DT!) but is actually of the Sam Wanamaker Playhouse.

      • 364
        Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

        Fingers in ears, sing ‘la-la-la-la-la-la-la’.

        Repeat, ad nauseam, ‘ Too far, too fast’.

    • 370
      Lies, Damned lies & Libor statistics says:

  64. 363
    Herman van Rumpboy says:
    • 373
      Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

      Not paying. That’s final.

    • 374
      CarryHole is a Dismal Hunt says:

      Hidden message.

      If you want to stay in you’re a horses arse.

      • 410
        Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

        We’d be really fecked if the rich torys have their way to leave the EU. They will just bugger off to their offshore islands where their cash is hidden while we fall to pieces. EU – no retreat, I say! Ey Major Sharpe, what do yews ‘ave tp say, larke lad?

        • 411
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          Ja, können wir die wärme in der EU küche stehen, und es jetzt zu verlassen, nur einfach keinen sinn. Wollen wir irgendeine art von Nordkorea in Europa zu werden? Ich weiß wirklich nicht so irgendwie zu denken.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            I would know I would have a firery nightmare relationship with the dark haired sis, when all my friends says I should have gone for the stable blonde sister. But life is not like that, is it? We build our own crosses in life, when if she is a damn good shag orifices everywhere, she asks, when the lights go out, us falling off various Alpined bedroomed wardrobes, giggling, after both comng.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            And then she goes loopy and crazy, giving me a right ear ache, as such do. PUB TIME!

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Anyone seen Franzl Lang, Er ist ein brillanter süddeutschen Alped insgesamt nutter, jodeln sein herz aus, genießen,

            The two introducing him make it better, and the fella on the oomph or something? also a total star.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            There is always Melanie from Switerzerlundia of course, gargling on her tongue, as they do,

  65. 366
    Red Ed's non-predator union bosses says:
    • 367
      Red Ed's non-predator union bosses says:

      KISS MY ASS, ED !!!!

  66. 369
    Two Dogs of Empiricism says:

    Kate Moss could have her evil way with me. I am sure it would be evil too. *dreams*

    She has 11,224 followers. Our host has 103,225. So the vote goes to Guido here, hands down.

    However, I must be frank with you all. If all the clothes are going to come off…

  67. 376
    Where's our referendum Dave? says:
  68. 387
    Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

    Sod this, what do you say Ricky?


    • 388
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      bugger! try again shall I – thought I was still on youtubby doing links,

  69. 403
    Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

    In my name!

    Well, it’s life Jim, but curious, it seems a hanna-barbara cartoon, Jim,

  70. 404
    Vote Labour = Fuck off you can't have a vote on the EU says:

    • 417
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      Bollocks, all smoke and mirrors – I am an Euro, and little islander tory inglunders can SUCK MY STUMP! UKIP are such torys, and if any of you don’t realise that, then you are bigger fools than I thought you were. Take your blinkers off, you horseshits.

      • 418
        Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

        Get out of Europe in 2017 = New UK = North Korea in Western Europe

        • 419
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          …and it looks know that Bonnie Tyler is fecked to winning the Eurovision song contest this week – have you realised that? Some people just do not think these things through, and it makes me angry!

          She’s now stuffed before she opens her gob, like going in war without a rifle or even a knife.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Danmark, Grimms,

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            Wave you arms above Euros, go on – BELIEVE IN MEEE!

            Well, you can’t say I didn’t try. BELIEVE IN ME, as I stand alongside you… etc.

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            And the most peculiar thing, is nige Farage has no doubt has it at number one spot on his MPthingy player this week, since I reckon he has always had the hots for welsh Bonnie, the UKIP pervert he is.

            Song for you Nige, just for you,

            Calm down Nige – and yes, met Gwen several times, and she was fascinated with me, but we didn’t get around to shag, since she had quite a condensed timetable at the time. But maybe later….

          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:


          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:


          • Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

            think I shouldn’t have posted the second Vid, for Ky lie?

  71. 409
    Boris Johnson says:

    Quitting the EU won’t solve our problems.

    • 413
      Real Conservatives vote UKIP says:

      Quitting the EU is by far the best way to start solving our problems.


      Tell Dave to tell Barry o’Maha to keep his fucking nose out of our business.

    • 414
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      Ja/Qui/Ie/Si/Yes Boris

    • 416
      Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

      It is a classic Tory red Herring, to fill out tory media up with – when push comes to shove, after a proper debate about it all, we will be a no. I love Europe, can’t get enough of it, as per,

      It would break my heart if we become British Empire parochial again.

      • 420
        Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

        Think regressive is the word, in the eyes of the rest of the World. Bin such ideas, as the fucking Brit Empire was such an Utopia, no. it def wasn’t!

        • 421
          Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

          Celtic Christianity had a fascinating history when it got up and going, during and just after Roman times, spread all through the old “Celic” lands to east of the Alps, it was the blueprint to the Roman Catholic Church, who used it and abused the idea, as they do. But then the north east of the Rhines came along, with their Black Forest ways…. But we did have our differences with the Romans at first, don’t get me wrong, but we soon agreed to differ, as you do, as per,

          Some people from a nearby old Roman town, Carmarthen, went for ancestral DNA tests, and they had surprising results where their DNA came from, couple of six feet girls thought it anyway, that they were old Roman from then.

  72. 428
    Rustberger's Organ says:

    Tax avoidance is evil and should be stamped out.


    But hey ! …… so long as it’s legal …..

  73. 431
    News flash says:

    Senior Perv to be released early this morning :

    • 442
      I still remain mightily unimpressed says:

      One rule for them etc ….. Perverting the course of justice is punishable by up to life (for everyone else only of course).

  74. 443
    Star Wars is crap, Star Trek is the Daddy says:

    I have this incredible cockerel crowing at the moment, used to be about seven in the morning in deep winter, now he is up to four AM – he will hardly will have no sleep 21/22 of June, and don’t ask me about the foxes abouts, who call clear and cold, while a dog responds farmyards away. That is living in the country for you, bluddy marvellous, ey Jacques Tati, mon ami?

  75. 458

    I’m excited to discover this great site. If you don’t mind I would also reveal a tip. Fidning a Personal sexy muscles Lawyer is usually dificult, if you live in Sourthern California therefore you need a sexy muscles professional, simply click my link.

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Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Guardian April Fools Apology | Press Gazette
Jenni Russell and Her Child’s Godfather, Ed Miliband | Breitbart
Mirror’s Lazy Lie | Guardian
Mirror’s Weeping Child Picture Lying Lazy Journalism | Guardian
Coulson: Everything You Need to Know in 6 Seconds | MediaGuido
BBC Still Loves the Guardian | Breitbart
Establishment Times Chums Appeasing Tory Europhiles | UKIP
Andrew Pierce v Owen Jones | MediaGuido
Michael Rosen’s Expert Opinions | MediaGuido

Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Kevin Maguire on the less than electrifying Ed Miliband…

“I bet if you went into a pub tonight and started a conversation about ­politics you’d hear strong opinions. David Cameron would be out of touch and Nick Clegg despised while Nigel Farage would divide people sharply. Miliband? In a lot of boozers he’d be the fourth most interesting man in British politics.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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