March 1st, 2013

Boring MP, Huge Result


232 Comments

  1. 1
    David Davis says:

    Would you like some coffee Dave ?

  2. 2
    JohncMousley says:

    Could the Tories please stop splitting the UKIP vote. oh sweet revenge

  3. 3
    Kebab Time says:

    The winner was always going to be the State.

  4. 4
    BingoClinic says:

    …”Any cats out there like a bit of Lady Gaga?..”

  5. 5
    Grant Shapps says:

    I’ll have a schnapps.

  6. 6
    Pollytwaddle says:

    Oh my!

    Maybe I’ll have to change my line of twaddle and start dissing UKIP instead of the Evil Tories ™

  7. 7
    Casual Observer says:

    Thornton did not look too happy when admitting that he was surprised at UKIPs result.

  8. 8
    The Kaigat Of Wands says:

    Who’s going to be the first Conservative MP to jump?

  9. 9
    JabbaTheCat says:

    Lol…Eastleigh inbreeds vote in the majority for open toe sandal socialists and swivel eyed loons. There are an awful lot of dim people out there…

  10. 10
    Casual Observer says:

    Out of a window, looks like Schapps.

    To UKIP – Good question. Possibly M0rdaunt ?

  11. 11
    Mentalhealthwatch Operative says:

    I’m very worried that a relatively small geographical area can muster thirteen thousand dribbling berks who are still prepared to vote for the Liberal Democrats.

  12. 12
    Plantagenet says:

    UKIP’s not ready for primetime. We’ll see how all the new attention reflects on their fringey elements.

  13. 13
    Just Sayin' says:

    Postal votes.

  14. 14
    The Kaigat Of Wands says:

    Although I support UKIP I think you’re right, not about the “fringey element” but about prime-time – but you also miss the point. What does it say about things when, despite that, they pick up votes equally from both sides? Other than NOTA only Labour’s share of the vote held up.

  15. 15
    Casual Observer says:

    There is no place for secret courts, better known as in camera courts, in an open democracy period.

    On this issue Ken Clarke is wrong:

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/9898480/Ken-Clarke-All-right-thinking-citizens-should-support-secret-courts.html

  16. 16
    Casual Observer says:

    It could be pointing to Labour / UKIP hung Parliament in 2015.

    There is possibility of some more by-elections though if the police and CPS pull their fingers out.

  17. 17
    Pollytwaddle says:

    4088, to be exact.

  18. 18
    The Kaigat Of Wands says:

    Love to see it but I doubt it, on the other hand the Labour Representation Committee seemed eccentric and marginal in the 1900 election. UKIP’s secret weapon is the smug, entitled arrogance of the Conservative Party.

  19. 19
    ian says:

    damn fell asleep before the cum shot

  20. 20
    Conspiracy Watch says:

    The Dickens dossier is much more interesting now:

    http://google-law.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/geoffrey-dickens-gave-part-of-missing.html

    There could well be a copy in Argentina.

  21. 21
    ian says:

    shame the tories split the ukip vote. vote tory get ed

  22. 22
    OMG DUH says:

    That result is a landslide for a Tory with a proper Europe message. Or any Europe message. Sort it out, Dave.

  23. 23
    New UKIP fan says:

    UKIP get my vote at the next GE. I’m fed up with all the immigration and Dave’s PC bullshit.

  24. 24
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Snarky Remark Service says:

    We are waiting for the first person to say that if the Tories had stood down in Eastleigh, UKIP would have won, and all the Tories did by running their own candidate was to elect a LibDem, and that isn’t going to work out well for anyone in the long run. Didn’t we hear all that nonsense about how UKIP cost the Tories seats in 2010? Fair’s fair. Let’s see if they like it up them for a change.

  25. 25
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Snarky Remark Service says:

    In the process of being typed whilst ian at 3:23 am had already posted. We have a poster with rather clumsy fingers at this hour of the morning and it can take a while to crank one out.

  26. 26
    The Bishop says:

    “…[I]t can take a while to crank one out,” as I told the Actress…

  27. 27
    JabbaTheCat says:

    13,342+11,571=4088, interesting mathematical reduction formula at work there?

  28. 28
    Jimmy says:

    To be fair the Lemon Party did break with its tradition of nominating swivel eyed loons and went with someone normal. Fortunately for Butch I don’t think they have very many of those. It’s as if they swapped candidates for this one.

  29. 29
    Borissimo says:

    I’m simply quite delighted at how this could pan out. There may not be truth in the public domain yet, but there does appear to be a God.

  30. 30
    EU Watch says:

    Anti-austerity protests across 40 cities in Portugal and abroad, organized by Que se lixe a Troika (Damn the Troika).

    http://www.theportugalnews.com/news/portugal-protests/27848

    The protests are scheduled for March 2nd.

  31. 31
    Cameron the Cunt says:

    UKIP would have won if Farage had stood himself. I can’t stand his party but he does seem to have a certain charisma which would have played out to his advantage this week.

    Hopefully someone will challenge Cameron for the leadership and the Tories will go into meltdown.

    David Davis will be smiling over his morning coffee.

  32. 32
    Reality says:

    UKIP leader Nigel Farage said: “If the Conservatives hadn’t split our vote we would have won.”

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21625726

  33. 33
    bendy says:

    Mr Cameron …. Mr Cameron … can we have a word please?…………. “Oh Shit!!”

  34. 34
    albacore says:

    Oh yes, it’s the Tories that are splitting the vote
    The Eastleigh folks have told them they’re no good for nowt
    Cameron stepping down won’t be nearly enough
    Two more years of make-believe Conservative guff
    And we’ll NEVER climb out of the E U dustbin
    Masses more immigrants will ensure we’re locked in

  35. 35
    Moby Dick says:

    Cameron might as well announce he has a Bulgarian/Romanian love child

  36. 36
    Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

    UKIP leader Nigel Farage said: “If the Conservatives hadn’t split our vote we would have won.”

    Priceless.

  37. 37
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    The Electorate know that the Libdems give competent value for money, are conscientious, have integrity, work hard and are not a haven for perverts, as claims keep being made on this site say. That is why I keep getting re-elected. Up the Libdems and my boys financing them. Boaz.

  38. 38
    FFS says:

    low-turnout and protest votes. Typical by-election crap then.

    But proving a vote for UKIP helps Lib Dem an Labour MPs into parliament

  39. 39
    Tory voter says:

    Shapps is an arrogant disaster. I am afraid that applies to a lot of Conservative HQ. In contrast many, possibly most, of the grassroots are rather likeable. In the words of Theresa May, it’s time to purge the “nasty” elements. Also time to be humble and instead of telling people what they want, it’s time to listen.

  40. 40
    Tory voter says:

    Sadly, I agree.

  41. 41
    Archie says:

    Any joy from your contacts about the………… what, 14,000 “postal votes”, Guido, old sport? My nostrils detect the none-too-subtle odour of rodent!

  42. 42
    where the blind lead says:

    The question is how many of the fourteen thousand postal votes were libdem votes? We know that postal vote fraud is high in areas where the party has control over the town hall with its party members in key positions ideally suited to steal postal votes. If 80% of postal votes go to the ruling party you know something stinks. If UKIP had any sense they would call the police in and go through the register with a fine tooth comb.

  43. 43

    It’s all our fault for listening to a closet LibDem in blue clothing. The Cameroons have really mucked things up, both nationally and in the party and the sooner they are purged from the Conservative Party the better.

  44. 44
    Herman & Jose says:

    The Conservative party are finished, well done Cameron.

  45. 45
    Herman & Jose says:

    Rubbish Billy, you have been hanging around with that twat Old Holborn for too long.

  46. 46
    Fruitcakes etc rub Dave's nose in the es-aithch one tee says:

    52% Turnout…higher than some recent elections I could mention.

    UKIP will decimate the Tories in the European Elections in 2014 and probably be top of the poll and send a few shock waves through Brussels elite as well…now THAT would be worth voting UKIP for

  47. 47
    Herman & Jose says:

    Closet Lib-Dem?

    Cameron is a Fabian socialist, how many more clues do you need?

  48. 48
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    As I said on the previous thread:

    So, 13000 odd voted for him….

    … while 27000 voted against him.

    Isn’t democracy lovely?

  49. 49
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    I heard they are due to get an internet connection in that area by the end of April.

  50. 50
    fella on the underground says:

    No comment yet from “Sandra in Accounts”

    Speak up woman.

  51. 51
    Herman & Jose says:

    The correct number of numpties in Eastleigh is 10,559, the idiots who vote conservative and get socialist Dave and tax and spend Gideon.

  52. 52
    Ukip are the future says:

    Are you listening then? I’ll shout this just once: GET RID OF DAVE – NOW!
    Got it?

  53. 53
    Herman & Jose says:

    Clarke is a fascist, we love him.

  54. 54
    Matilda says:

    The wimpy plod probably all vote libdem anyway down there so unlikely to produce any worthwhile outcome.

  55. 55
    Scottish electoral visitor says:

    Register? What register?

  56. 56
    Herman & Jose says:

    Err, the tory candidate in question was an anti EU candidate, well as anti as mainstream tories are these days, you know, lets renegotiate at err, sometime in the distant future, umm when the clocks strike 90 o’clock and there is a unicorn sighted on London Bridge etc, etc, etc.

  57. 57
    Herman & Jose says:

    On the contrary, voting for Fabian Cameron results in Labour and Lib-Dim yellow socialists getting into parliament. Presumably you can’t count?

  58. 58
    Mohammed Attaboy says:

    Ministry acquaints a man with strange Ben Fellows.

  59. 59
    William says:

    Farage for Pope!

  60. 60
    D milliband says:

    So True!.

  61. 61
    Lard Everard says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!

  62. 62
    Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler says:

    That’s one small vote for UK. A giant headache for Ed Cammy-Nickers.

  63. 63
    In Vince ab Cable says:

    It would be nice if we could have a full audit of the large number of postal votes that was submitted, I am sure it would make interesting reading.
    The numbers involved are a real game changer depending on how they were cast. Just a thought.

    LibDems win after all the bad publicity they had since joining the coalition.

    Or perhaps the good people of eastleigh are really simple folk who dont understand what they do.

  64. 64
    DC says:

    Yes now! fiddling bastards

  65. 65
    grs says:

    Vote UKIP for a federal Europe

  66. 66
    Ken Clarke says:

    Nigel Farage already leads the real conservative party.

  67. 67
    Nick cleggo says:

    Put the jacket back on and take your medication.

  68. 68
    Real Conservatives Vote UKIP says:

    Rennard breath a sigh of relief as another failed Tory plot (predictable) to support the Coalition Tories in Eastleigh bites the dust.

    They have the desire but not the willpower let alone the wit.

  69. 69
    Person from Porlock says:

    Ironic that the night’s poor showing for Labour almost guarantees them to be, or to be the predominant part of, the government in 2015.

    Or sooner if the coalition now collapses. Or indeed if the Conservative party now splits.

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    The first question the Lib Dem canvasser asked me was not about policy but whether or not I was going to vote by post …..The Lib Dems were desperate last night going around in vast numbers getting the people who had not voted out to vote .The Tories chose the wrong candidate

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    Exactly… Vote Ukip and get Labour!

  72. 72
    AAa-RMAGEDDON says:

    UKIP wonderful lovely insane old fashioned racist UKIP. Welcome to EdM your PM in waiting. Under AV the tories would have won. Ironic huh?

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    THGe rea

  74. 74
    Truth says:

    Well done UKIP (true Conservative Party) ,this shows that the Conservative Party are now finished thanks to Cameron.

  75. 75
    Bugler Bert says:

    The real shock for Cameron is that the electorate does not believe anything he says regarding the EU [promises to hold a referendum is the best example] Would you, the voter, work for a firm that refuses to have its books audited? Or work for a company that takes almost twenty to realize that it policy on fishing is nothing less than a complete criminal catastrophe? Well, I bloody would not, so get your effing finger out!

  76. 76
    stun says:

    I see the backdrop the stage where the candidates awaited the count has ‘Tackling Climate Change’ as its major message FFS. Still under Huhne’s spell then.

  77. 77
    Centre Parting says:

    Boris and Nigel should sort this out together now, then we can have a proper election.

  78. 78
    bergen says:

    Oh dear.

    Dave’s plan to be returned triumphantly to power by a tsunami of grateful gay voters doesn’t seem to be working.

    What a pity. Never mind.

  79. 79
    Spartacus says:

    er . . . voted UKIP and got libdem

    or are you missing something?

  80. 80
    Liblabcon scum says:

    I’d dump the first 50 thousand Romanian and Bulgarian immigrants on Eastleigh.

    If you vote Liblabcon, then you can personally put up with the consequences.

  81. 81
    Spartacus says:

    bbc described it as:

    and now ukip is the latest protest vote

  82. 82
    Grollace says:

    Liberal hold. What’s the fuss then?

  83. 83
    Spartacus says:

    clarke is a drunken dinosaur

    BUT why is it the barristers like clarke (and blair) that want to continuously reduce the population to serfdom?

  84. 84
    Observer says:

    Not to mention the Grim Reaper, as well as Tories wanting to spend more time with their families or to resume a career in the private sector while there is still time.

  85. 85
    John O'Farrell says:

    I can now go back to being unfunny on TV.

  86. 86
    Jock McJock says:

    UKIP have soaked up all the ultra right wing, Xenophobic, delusionists – making the Tories much more electable.

    We wish UKIP every success as genuinely they need to be elected so we can see them operate. They deserve to be in the limelight, taking decisions and implementing their policies.

    No need to be a “If only..”

  87. 87
    Gerry Mandering says:

    He attends Bilderberg you know. Just a few friends round for drinks and nibbles.

  88. 88
    Kng says:

    Cameron is a complete wanker

    The reason people are not voting Conservative is becuase they are continuity Brown

    11 kids £400,000 house and a pony paid for by the State means that sonething is very wrong

  89. 89
    Anonymous says:

    You don’t seriously think UKIP are going to win next general election do you?

  90. 90
    JH20348923458734 says:

    One day a genuinely right wing, conservative party is going to gain power.

    On that day, they should tell every BBC interviewer, news editor, open neck-shirt-wearer, shirt-lifter and Director General they can get their hands on to get used to these two words.

    ‘SUBSCRIPTION MODEL’.

  91. 91
    Victory 4 Elvis says:

    Daz Procter (Trade Unionists and Socialists Against Cuts) 62

    David Bishop (Elvis Loves Pets) 72

  92. 92
    Spartacus says:

    delusionist, yes,

    yawns . .

  93. 93
    Ma­qboul says:

    Nobody will win it on this performance. There’ll be another Coalition with UKIP in it.

  94. 94
    Ma­qboul says:

    No sour grapes there then.

  95. 95
    NelsonsGoodeye says:

    Sack Dave, get a an “old fashioned” tory in as PM. Only way the conservative party can survive. 1922 committee, where are you?

  96. 96
    Ma­qboul says:

    No sour gra­pes there then.

  97. 97
    RK says:

    I think that the Conservative Party is less likely to split than to simply see its voters drift away.

  98. 98
    Big gay Al says:

    I thought about voting, but I decided to take some poppers and bum a rent boy instead – much more pleasant.

  99. 99
    EU. You can fuck right off. says:

    I’m not particularly wanting bankers to get ginormous bonuses but that is the UKs remit to sort out and fuck all to do with the EU.

    The EU is meant to be a single market trade club and not a platform for those with communist ideals to create a federal Europe.

  100. 100
    Eastleigh Tackling Climate Change Bollocks says:

    Hmmm, third is more electable?

  101. 101
    Bert says:

    “P45″ would be quicker.

  102. 102
    Evan Gayvis says:

    Yes please. And can we apply this to:
    Council services
    Health
    Education

  103. 103
    Taxfodder says:

    New coalition eurosceptic leader now, or lose the next GE…..

    A simple choice, the time for waffling and wrist wringing is over.

  104. 104
    JH20348923458734 says:

    How about you just fuck off?

    I hope a Para or Marine who fought in the Falklands – or anyone who fought the IRA – sees you in the street, follows you and beats you to within – literally – an inch of your sneery, oh-so-clever life.

  105. 105
    Eastleigh Tackling Climate Change Bollocks says:

    Did anyone see that ‘tory’ prick on the Daily Politics yesterday?

    Whining that there was nothing we could do to stop millions of Romanians and Bulgarians from coming to the UK, because, in his own words, ‘we are not allowed to’.

    Utter piss walking.

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    It has been divided between the party and the leadership since the 1990s so it would have been better if it had split then. Instead of waiting until now to adopt LibDem policies the wet pro-EU lump of the party could have joined them while the ones who support nation and independence could have become or joined UKIP.

  107. 107
    Taxfodder says:

    spot on!

  108. 108
    Quantrill says:

    +100

  109. 109
    E is e says:

    Bishop must be a Mojo Nixon fan

  110. 110
    Farrell says:

    And fortunately the Labia Party have plenty more cu­nts lining up for a hard election.

  111. 111
    Simon G says:

    Yes it is wrong but these are statutory rules regarding provision to people brought in under Labour’s wheeze of reducing child poverty. It was intended to keep families voting Labour forever.

  112. 112
    Limpdicks says:

    That was close! Without the postal voting scam we would have lost!

  113. 113
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Oh Dear !

    the airways are full of UKIP the new “protest” vote.

    The LibLabCon just don’t get it do they ? Times they are a changing, the Plebs are revolting against the EU machine.

    The EU is dead, long live UKIP

  114. 114
    Quantrill says:

    Really scary. How many were University/college students?

  115. 115
    Gelert says:

    A great result. The Lib Dem victory should preserve the coalition with Clegg’s position much safer. Despite their performance Labour are the big winners here – UKIP polling 20 percent will hand Milliband the next election with biggest landslide in British electoral history.

    If the Conservatives are going to stop UKIP they have two choices.

    1. Hold an in/out referendum before 2015 in return for a UKIP pledge not to contest the 2015 election whatever the result of that referendum.

    2. Enter into an electoral alliance with UKIP for the 2015 election.

    On current polling this “Alliance” should win a comfortable majority in 2015.

    I can only see the UKIP challenge getting stronger. No amount of policy tinkering and “promises” from Cameron and Co are going to cut it. Eastleigh is a game changer i.e. the Conservatives are history unless they embrace options 1 or 2. I don’t think Cameron will be able to deliver option 1 which means the conservatives will have to embrace option 2 which will mean ditching Cameron.

  116. 116
    damned impertinent questions says:

    http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A7x9QbxAZDBRJX0ApzlLBQx.?p=you%20tube%20league%20of%20gentlemen%20dave&fr2=sb-top&fr=mcafee&rd=r1

  117. 117
    Hang The B@stards says:

    1922 Committee is full of Camoron patsys. Totally useless and toothless

  118. 118
    damned impertinent questions says:

    http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A7x9QbxAZDBRJX0ApzlLBQx.?

    =you%20tube%20league%20of%20gentlemen%20dave&fr2=sb-top&fr=mcafee&rd=r1

  119. 119
    Dave's Checklist says:

    1. Failed to dismantle BBC propaganda machine. Check
    2. Failed to stop postal voting fraud. Check
    3. Failed to secure electoral boundary change. Check
    4. Certain of humiliation in 2015. Check

  120. 120
    Failwatch says:

    27989 Eastleighian still want exactly the same as the past 16 years – more immigration, more benefits, more pfi, more bank problems, no growth, more laws controlled by Europe, less EU rebate….. sheep.

  121. 121
    Big Jon says:

    Quick analysis

    1. Libdems. Not good. Given they have just about every seat on the council, this result is a bit of a disaster. They should have walked this.

    2. Conservative. Was wild hope they would win, but against well-oiled local candidate, seriously, they never were going to do it in a bi election where lib dems have a superb local machine.

    3. Labour. Actually, this is the worst result of all for the big three. They will say, well we weren’t expected to win, or even do well. But even they, as the party aspiring of government, will be worried that so few people in the South they would also have to make inroads into did so badly.

    4. And last, UKIP. Really a total disaster for them. If they can’t win a bi election when the Conservatives are so unpopular (so we are told) and the Lib dems are having their own little difficulties, to not win shows they will probably never win.

    So, one victor but no winners.

  122. 122
    One Term Dave says:

    Whatever the vote in Eastleigh, me and George are still the dream ticket.

  123. 123
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Your analysis is flawed.

    Look at the increase in UKIP voting. then add the momentum of the EU elections which will be a UKIP landslide. All this before 2015.

    UkIP will be polling 30%+ everywhere. Which means a vote for UKIP means a UKIP MP.

    Only those committed to the LIBLABCON status quo are blind to the UKIP surge

  124. 124
    The Treacherous Tosser in No 10 says:

    So they came second! – who cares? I’m still safe for preferment in Angela’s €USSR! And I’ve always got my wind farms to fall back on! – what?

  125. 125
    Boris knows what is right. says:

    Yesterday, Dave could have told the EU to fuck off and both won votes and protected Britain’s sovereignty. But he didn’t, Boris did though.

  126. 126
    ByStander says:

    Dream on – you pair of shit-for-brains nutters

  127. 127
    Person from Porlock says:

    Take Mad Nads. What point is there for her to hold on? She could state today that UKIP won a seat last night, hers!

    There are probably ten or more Conservative MPs who do not like the way things are running and can see annihilation in front of them who could do likewise with absolutely no damage to their prospects. It is in situations like these that you could find UKIP with representation in parliament. In 2015, some of them might even prevail as the sitting candidate!

    You may even see one announce today.

  128. 128
    Person from Porlock says:

    Which MP is going to jump ship first today?

  129. 129
    Anonymous says:

    And the only way to stop all these foreigners coming in is more Lib Dem MPs.

    Always works.

  130. 130
    Plato says:

    Does anybody know why Farage does not stand?

    He is very uncomfortable when asked.

    Whats going on?

  131. 131
    Guy Martin to win TT2013 says:

    Conservatives would have done better if they’d had an electable candidate instead of that appalling woman

  132. 132
    Chris S says:

    UKIP will almost certainly come top in the Euro elections ( on PR, remember ) and will take millions of votes off the Conservatives and Labour in the local elections.

    Dave is going to come under real and increasing pressure and I doubt whether he will survive as leader till 2015 because a deal will need to be done before the General Election.

    UKIP can’t win the general election but on this upward trend they will certainly cost Cameron any chance of even getting the most seats so we will end up with a Lib-Lab coalition.

    Two left wing parties led by Ed and Vince will be a complete disaster for the country and we will never get any meaningful renegotiation or a vote on the EU.

    A deal will be resisted because it will cost Cameron his job but Conservative backbenchers will make it happen. It’s just a matter of when.

    Nigel Farage is a cunning operator : He will wait till after the Euro elections but will be just as keen to do a deal before 2015. Let’s hope it happens !

  133. 133
    Anonymous says:

    The average voter in the Uk as i see it is very simple.
    Lib/dems vote for Lib/Dems,even if they have run over their mother.
    Labour vote Labour,even if they have run over their mother.
    Tory vote now let me think they have run over their mother shall i vote for the Cons or not
    Welcome EDD the next Prime Minister

  134. 134
    Dave's Checklist Addenda says:

    5. Completely fucked up energy supplies and fuel prices. Check.
    6. Wasted money, energy, and effort to visit Father Christmas Land. Check.
    7. Completely fucked! Check.

  135. 135
    Eastleigh Tackling Climate Change Bollocks says:

    Racist?

    You’re projecting again, take your medication.

  136. 136
    A pact with the europhile devil? No thank you. says:

    Why would UKIP do a deal with Cameron? He is a Europhile FFS. Only yesterday he let the EU dictate how much British banks should pay British workers. it was left to boris to tell the EU to fuck off.

  137. 137
    Chris S says:

    Spot On !

  138. 138
    Reactions to results says:

    Conservative

    Dave – Third is not bad is it? It’s trying really hard and we will learn the lessons but it’s not bad. George, you’re good at figures, third’s not bad is it?

    George – Well, Prime Minister, in the same way that increasing the debt by record levels is actually controlling it, third’s pretty good. Look, last time we came second out of fourth and this time we’re third out of lots more so that is really, really good.

    Liberal gropers

    Nicholas – Despite the protest vote that a governing party always gets in mid-term and the disgusting antics of the former member, we managed to hold on to a seat. That is a real victory. (Phew thank God for Nigel otherwise this would have been totally disastrous. Did I say that out loud?)

    UKSIP

    Nigel – Bloody hell that was a bit of a close run thing. A few more votes and we would have had to have thought what we would do with a Member of Parliament. Oh the shame that would have made us feel – what an unclean thought.

    Liebour

    Ed – See I told you Wunanshun would work!

    Beer, baccy and crumpet party

    Which part of our platform didn’t the voters understand?

  139. 139
    Eastleigh Tackling Climate Change Bollocks says:

    We must do everything in our power to prevent catastrophic climate change. We can control the weather I tell you, if we spend enough money on it. Honest.

  140. 140
    melvin says:

    When the postal votes are opened, representatives from all Parties are invited to be at the process in order to scrutinise the proceedings in the same way as it happens on election night with the opening of ballot boxes.

    Of course, local Parties often don’t have the knowledgable officers or hard workers who are prepared to undertake this important scrutiny.

  141. 141
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    UKIP need to take lessons on ‘managing’ the Postal Vote – that’s the margin-maker these days.

    I’m sure Galloway will offer some consultancy if the price is right.

  142. 142
    Lord Mooncrater says:

    April? What year?

  143. 143
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    The one thing that stands out is the decision of Nigel Farage not to stand at Eastleigh.

  144. 144
    Hang The B@stards says:

    Wrong. Your just a LibLabCon sympathiser.

    If there is a coalition it’s going to have to be with UKIP

  145. 145
    One Term Dave says:

    I get the message. The electorate wants me to make more promises and to talk a lot tougher.

  146. 146
    Nigel Farage the Saviour of Britain says:

    Vote for my Party

    Down with the nasty Tories

    We are real xenophobes who want Britain to thrive as

    the money laundering, frauding and financial manipulation

    capital of the world…

    Why do you think the Russians love us? and all those drug barons?

    And all those Indian and other non doms?

    You cannot see the contradiction in what I am saying then?

  147. 147
    OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT DAVE OUT says:

    Guys, never mind this by-election nonsense — let’s get on with the important same sex marriage legislation

  148. 148
    Astonished says:

    When you have 18 year olds voting Tory because they believe in “financial climate change”, it’s time to introduce some form of qualification for voting or even a weighted system.

    I’m also shocked at the number of politicians who have no experience outside of politics – it should be a requirement for them to at least to be able to understand the difference between debt and deficit.

    Diversity awareness alone isn’t enough, the MPs should be given some remedial lessons to make sure they have a basic grasp of maths.

  149. 149
    Gay (BBC accredited) Dave says:

    This is what happens when a tory leader pins his hopes on being elected by the homosexual BBC liberal vote and not by the Conservative vote.

  150. 150
    Nurse says:

    Time for medication dear.

  151. 151
    bergen says:

    I suspect you’re right that the Euro elections are starting to look an absolute nightmare for Dave and that we’re on course for another Lib/Lab pact in 2015.No doubt it will then be followed by a resumption of the Tories’ internal civil war.

  152. 152
    MacGuffin says:

    What, pray tell, is a ‘bi election’?

  153. 153
    FT correspondent says:

    Not to speak of asset stripping private equity crooks

    “Hedge funds” which renege on their debts etc…

    And the list is long…

  154. 154
    Anonymous says:

    If a vote for UKIP means a UKIP MP there will be plenty of Golf Club bar takings taking a huge hit.

  155. 155
    where the blind lead says:

    How many postal votes did the libdems get? That is the only question that needs asking, what proportion of the libdem vote came from postal votes we have yet to find out. Postal voting is the modern method that corrupt parties use to get the result they want. You can imagine how many nursing home patients found they have voted libdem without knowing it, or even what day it is or even their own name and student digs with 20 postal votes per address.

  156. 156
    One Term Dave says:

    Having got the gay community on board, my next electoral target will be the transgender community.

  157. 157
    The Gay britain hating BBC says:

    Yes that is exactly how the Polly brain dead at the BBC present any viewpoint that defends Britain or presents Britain in a good light.

  158. 158
    The last Briton says:

    Many have said on this blog for a long time

    UKIP will sink what is left of the Tory Party

    And guarantee eternal clusterfuck-ups from Empty Ed and his Balls

    The front men for Lord Cashpoint Levy and the hedge fund operators of Hampstead…

  159. 159
    Moral Collapse Blair has no shame says:

    The bank I advise believe you should sell sterling short

    http://www.forexstreet.net/profiles/blogs/jp-morgan-stay-short-yen-and-sterling

    I am proud to have definitively ruined Britain…

    But I am now scuba diving in the Indian Ocean with all my ill-gotten loot…

    I am even catching up with all of Mandy’s and Natty’s pillaging Russian friends…

  160. 160
    Anonymous says:

    Sour grapes from the Blue Labour party. Wonder why people don’t vote for you?, based on your policy and record in government, a vote for you may as well be a vote for labour.

  161. 161
    Sir Jeremy Heywood of Morgan Stanley fame says:

    I agree with you, Master…

  162. 162
    Every one a nonce says:

    Shit analysis.

  163. 163
    Ex long term Tory supporter says:

    To summarise. Cameron is a useless tosser. The conservatives are going the way of the Liberal Party 90 years ago.

    Cameron has resulted in them being Finished. Dead. History. FUCKED

  164. 164
    Anonymous says:

    Just checking how an envelope is opened completely misses the point. How were the contents put in there is the question to be scrutinized.

  165. 165
    Rumbled says:

    John Redwood’s in meltdown on his blog, deleting comment left, right and centre. Things are a tad difficult this morning for a so-called eurosceptic who hasn’t the balls to step away from his traitorous party.

  166. 166
    Spartacus says:

    err, . . . nonsense about how UKIP cost the Tories seats in 2010

    Bolton West:
    Labour 18,329; Conservative 18,235; UKIP 1,901
    Derby North:
    Labour 14,896; Conservative 14,283; UKIP 829
    Derbyshire NE:
    Labour 17,948: Conservative 15,503; UKIP 2,636
    Dorset mid & Poole:
    Labour 21,100; Conservative 20,831; UKIP 2,109
    Dudley North:
    Labour 14,923; Conservative 14,274; UKIP 3,267
    Great Grimsby:
    Labour 10,777: Conservative 10,063: UKIP 2,043
    Hampstead & Kilburn:
    Labour 17,332; Conservative 17,290; UKIP 408
    Middlesbrough South:
    Labour 18,138; Conservative 16,461; UKIP 1,881
    Morley (Ed Balls):
    Labour 18,365; Conservatives 17,264; UKIP 1,506
    Newcastle-Under-Lyme:
    Labour 16,393; Conservatives 14,841; UKIP 3,491
    Plymouth Moor View:
    Labour 15,433; Conservatives 13,845; UKIP 3,188
    Solihull:
    Liberal 23,635; Conservatives 23,460; UKIP 1,200
    Somerton & Frome:
    Liberal 28,793; Conservatives 26,976; UKIP 1,932
    Southampton Itchen:
    Labour 16,326; Conservatives 16,134; UKIP 1,928
    St Austell & Newquay:
    Liberal 20,189; Conservatives 18,877; UKIP 1,757
    St Ives:
    Liberal 19,619; Conservatives 17,900; UKIP 2,560
    Telford:
    Labour 15,977; Conservatives 14,996; UKIP 2,428
    Walsall North:
    Labour 13,385; Conservatives 12,395; UKIP 1,737
    Walsall South:
    Labour 16,211; Conservatives 14,456; UKIP 3,449
    Wells:
    Liberal 24,560; Conservatives 23,760; UKIP 1,711
    Wirral South:
    Labour 16,276; Conservatives 15,745; UKIP 1,274

  167. 167
    PM Miliband and DPM Hughes says:

    Wesult!
    I can feel the hand of destiny on my shoulder! (well the hand of Big Len McLuskey)
    The centre right are split! Hurrah! In comes my Wunashun! Ballsy unleash the spending!!!

  168. 168
    Thursday child is thick in the head says:

    Two local council elections held where I live, the NuCons held one and gained one normally deep in Liebour territory , the one they held 32% voted and the one they gained 16% voted, UKIP is still in the boondocks.

  169. 169
    Chinaman says:

    A large erection.

  170. 170
    LITTLE ED REALLYBLAND says:

    Thith isth a gweat victowy for my party , our share ofth the vote wose by a massive 0.02%
    thanks mainly to my gweat uncle Bert and my aunty Ethel oh and that man fwom the post offith

  171. 171
    Old England says:

    Farage likes the trappings of being an MEP,though he will cite next years
    EU vote as his main battle….Shame really..!!!

  172. 172

    “Its all Labours fault, and Europes” I hear someone shout, followed by, “this proves we must not change course and everything we are doing is right.”

    Back in the real world the voters have sent a clear message. Pity I didn’t have Cleggs job for while I am very pro Europe I would also offer an in/out referendum. Why? because Europe will only succeed in the long term if the will of its people are behind it. And if Britain wants to be excluded that is its right. To be honest I am really suprised that Europe has put up with the decades of constant “we are special we deserve special treatment” in one form or another.

    I reckon Farage would have won if he had stood, for while we clearly diverge over the EU, I myself would have voted for him as a protest vote due to the p*”@ poor performance of our government.

    If any Labour bods are here ask yourself why people like me, born in a council estate, dont vote labour. Might be hard to swallow, but if you can impress people like me you might even win the next election. You should after all have been my natural choice. Yet I at one time joined the Tory party.

  173. 173
    Eastleigh Tackling Climate Change Bollocks says:

    Lib-Dim, Fauxservative or NuLabour are all the same beast.

    Millimetres apart ideologically, yet still trying to pretend there is a significant difference. People are waking up and they are seeing through the charade.

  174. 174
    Anonymous says:

    Could you please be a bit less ambiguous?

  175. 175
    fruitcake says:

    UKIP are a bunch of fruitcakes said Dave. So that’s “Tories losing to fruitcakes”

    Ahhh bliss.

  176. 176
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    I would like to wish the new member for Eastleigh well and hope he is even more successful than the last incumbent of the office .

    I would also like him to confirm in open correspondence he has never indulged in any extra marital sexual activities which have so bedeviled this constituency in the past.

    I would also like him to email me details of all expenses claims he makes on a daily basis now that I have Excel.

  177. 177
    lashings of ginger beer says:

    most interesting thing about david bishop was his conspicuous presence at jimmy savile’s funeral…

  178. 178
    SLIMON HUGHES says:

    I would like to DP Clegg

  179. 179
    Yvonne from the Colliers Arms Clydach says:

    Mr Cameron is my Prime Minister.

    He is also your Prime Minister.

    I would ask you to show him a bit of respect. Describing him as “fucked” is far from that.

    He is a truly marvelous man . He is always inviting people around for chill and rice and is a great lover of animals .

    He likes cats and horses.

    He does not go around blowing up twin towers and he does come from a good stockbroking family so there !

  180. 180
    Old England says:

    Cameron has promised an EU referendum,but this is dependent on the
    conservatives winning the next election,which means we will not get one…
    If cameron was serious about the EU ref’and supported an EU exit,he could
    have put the wheels in motion to achieve that aim before the next election..From his present position,we will never leave the Wretched,twisted,corrupt and shackleing EU.It is quite obvious,cameron does not want to leave the EU,so,where do i go,…UKIP, or detatch completely from politics…

  181. 181
    Phil from Pentonville says:

    And if this new Mp wants an Ipad darling he can get the one back from the last guy because we paid 600 nicker for it .

  182. 182
    Lord Mooncrater says:

    Filling out their expenses claims. So many moats and duck houses out there.

  183. 183
    Oddly Helpful says:

    Strange that radio commenters, whether tory or market research experts both came out with the same ‘lead from the middle’ line when saying what to do about the ‘UKIP threat’,

  184. 184
    Tosspot says:

    Dave has not done his sums, Wind Power & Gay Marriage will not win votes from a large part of the electorate, Europe is also a contentious issue…

  185. 185
    Anonymous says:

    Eastleigh always was going to be a LibDem hold.

    Farage is just biding his time until the right opportunity arises.

  186. 186
    dame alistair stewart says:

    as usual i will be appearing in the long running pantomime that is itv news. usual time, usual place, usual shite.

  187. 187
    SLIMON HUGHES says:

    “Wind power and Gay marriage ” Is there an uneasy relationship between the two ?

  188. 188
    Anonymous says:

    The sex offenders register must be really long in Eastleigh. That and an awful lot of speed cameras.

  189. 189
    chris huhne says:

    i shall shortly be getting married to several perpetually horny well endowed black men.

  190. 190
    Please God says:

    Please. pleeese, pleeeese let evidence come forwards that Libdem rigged postal vote.

  191. 191
    Who Want's Some! says:

    The Conservative Party needs to be split the current leadership have more in common with the ruling elements of the LibDems and Labour than they do with grass roots Tory party membership. This has been the case for over 20 years now, hence Dave as the heir to Blair. The only way we will ever get a true Conservative Party that puts English concerns first (after the Scots go UDI in 2014 it will be English politics) is to split it and then create a new party. Labour may win the next GE in this process and sadly that is the possible price that is going to have to be paid to get our nation and our future back.

  192. 192
    Crabtree says:

    Boris is pro-EU, surely.

  193. 193
    Who Want's Some! says:

    Redwood is the perfect example of the paralysis in the so called EuroSceptic element of the Tory Party. He’s yesterday’s man and has failed the test of political leadership. He is no threat to Dave and his pals.

  194. 194
    Crabtree says:

    A shit analysis indeed, totally failing to take into account the previous voting history. It was always going to be a struggle to take a LibDem stronghold.
    There are none so blind as those who refuse to see reality.

  195. 195
    Who Want's Some! says:

    It will get worse before it gets better, once people finally get the message that our elite actually no longer control our own borders and the next wave of cuts really bite, but your taxes keep going up, the Scots piss off and put up controls to stop the east European ‘sweepings of the streets’ from just walking in and being given cash. 2015 GE will be crucial to winning our nation back

  196. 196
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    “Ultra right-wing, xenophobic…” You like your lazy and completely inaccurate stereotypes, don’t you? You might not be aware of it, but Nigel Farage’s wife is German (no, not Angela Merkel). How many xwenophobes do you know who are married to foreigners?

  197. 197
    John Bellingham says:

    Old age homes, care homes, hospitals are excellent places for canvassers to arrange postal votes for voters. In non-English-speaking constituencies, there is a different scheme.

  198. 198
    Anonymous says:

    Watch the liblabcon close ranks when it comes to postal voting fraud. All sorts of shenanigans went on in Barking back in 2010 by all accounts.

    Our bent political class could teach Putin a thing or two when it comes to getting the ‘right result’ in elections.

  199. 199
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    It woulkd be simpler and more humane to scrap the BBC. It is completely unwilling and unable to reform in any significant way.

  200. 200
    Who Want's Some! says:

    Exactly bit not just Dave all three main party’s leaderships share the same vision of the EU. We need to break the hold of the current leadership this will only happen through defeat in elections and on key policies. The opposition is still not strong enough or united enough to form a real electable alternative. But it will be as events unfold and reveal the full extent of the current elites inability to to do the job. It won’t be quick and it won’t painless, but UKIP are part of the process they won’t form the new party of future but from the battle that they will be used in this will emerge.

  201. 201
    Crabtree says:

    Remember to say Hi to Osama bin Fishfood when you bump into him.

  202. 202
    Crabtree says:

    Most of us here are pro-Europe but ANTI-EU.
    Got that ?
    Enough of the deliberate confusion.
    FUCK the EU and LIBERATE EUROPE.

  203. 203
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    Then the local council will create a highly paid non-job that involves teaching people how to switch on their electrical appliances.

  204. 204
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    The arrogance of the Tory party (at least a large chunk of the party) isn’t exactly a ‘secret’, though.

  205. 205
    Jack Ketch says:

    I have said before and I will say it again, being of the opinion that a certain Polish Labour MP should go to prison for charging the taxpayer a squillion pounds in expenses for his garden shed is not being racist. Thinking that Dianne Abbot takes up too much space in the House of Commons is also not racist. Believing that Chukkup Umana is a total dickhead is not racist.
    However, thinking that all the girly-boys in all mainstream parties cannot wait to get their hands and other parts on all of those doe-eyed young Romanian boys and be humiliated by lots of Bulgarian rough trade is probably homophobic, true but homophobic.

  206. 206
    Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

    If an MP has to leave under a cloud, such as Huhne’s departure, that person’s party should be barred from fielding a candidate in the resulting by-election and possibly the same seat (or its replacement) in the newxt general election.

  207. 207
    Gayly Married says:

    It means you can vote for more than one candidate, silly.

  208. 208
    John Bellingham says:

    One that contains two candidates who have both flirted with the other-side and no longer know which way to turn.

  209. 209
    MY LITTLE PONY says:

    Pony not paid for by the state! So that’s a saving to the taxpayer on the cost of hay.
    Every little helps!

  210. 210
    Outraged, Eastleigh says:

    Sweet revenge indeed, even better if the fibbers, pervs and wrong ‘uns party had been stuffed into third place

  211. 211
    Beautiful dreamer says:

    If only we could

  212. 212
    alexsandr says:

    it was right of farage not to stand. He needs to show they are not a one man band and the excellent candidate at Eastleigh demonstrates more depth.

  213. 213
    Red Ed Millibandwagon says:

    Happy to see the BBC are quiet on our poor showing but there again we did instruct them to do this.

  214. 214
    Anonymous says:

    Nothing to celebrate here Guido. Right Wing parties out-poll socialists by 3: 2 and end up with … a sandal-socialist. Good luck in South East LittleEnglandshire in 2015.

  215. 215
    Red Ed Millibandwagon says:

    That is our Layabout policy but only 10,000 which would give us this seat.

  216. 216
    Immigrant supporting Labour. says:

    Don’t forget our patriach household voting scheme.

  217. 217
    Red Ed Millibandwagon. says:

    Don’t worry you are on the Labour list to go for Bradford West?

  218. 218
    Red Ed Millibandwagon. says:

    We are happy that aside from Galloway, in our northern heartlands we have nothing to fear except fear itself.

  219. 219
    Big Momma says:

    They did not run over their mother, they murdered her.

  220. 220
    Big Momma says:

    Postal voting is the elephant in the room that ALL political parties are trying not to see.

  221. 221
    Silver of MI6 (past) says:

    So do I, honoured master.

  222. 222
  223. 223
    Brenda says:

    Cameron is no prime minister of mine.

  224. 224
    PooleBabe says:

    Dorset Mid & N. Poole – is actually a LimpDick constituency, not Labia.

  225. 225
    PooleBabe says:

    The Yellows LOVE to visit care homes – but only around election time. I expect they take stamps with them too.

  226. 226
    Historian says:

    Closed courts are a feature of closed societies, all of those appear to be socialist regimes.

    See for instance DPRK, Soviet Russ!a etc.

    No place in open democracies, that is for sure.

  227. 227
    UK Watch says:

    Farage standing would not have changed the outcome. James was a very impressive candidate, and did very well.

    If Farage had stood: UKIP would still lose, credibility of both Farage and UKIP undermined (even with slight loss), false claim that UKIP is cult of personality remains credible.

    After last night, all of the above now lack credibility, and the postal vote should be under the microscope, a bit.

    James’ remark on her leader was very wise and smart. The UKIP is not about Nigel, and that message is coming across much louder now.

  228. 228
    UK Watch says:

    Or she could just defect to UKIP. She doesn’t hold the whip at the moment.

  229. 229
    EU Watch says:

    Boris appears to be pro-Europe, but has no truck with the EU.

    If he had said any different yesterday, he would be found swinging under Blackfr!ars bridge. Boris is not a fool.

  230. 230
    Hodge Bodge says:

    Just a tiny, tiny, tiny bit of rigging.

  231. 231
    Mark O@ten says:

    Cast irony!

  232. 232
    Bee ship says:

    The Police and Gvt targetting intel agents is bound to have repercussions.

    Rheinhart Gherlan formed the CIA the BND and Argentina’s Intelligence Service.

    Its certain that she took a copy with her. The good news is ‘they’ just want to get rid of the Paedophiles and corrupt scum from all parties.


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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