February 25th, 2013

Bahrain Bans Guy Fawkes

A lovely new vase for Dave here, a multi-million pound arms deal there – but it’s not all forced handshakes and stony smiles in Bahrain. Today the country’s Industry and Commerce minister Hassan Fakhro has issued a decree banning imports of Guy Fawkes masks. Apparently the Bahrain authorities are worried about the masks being smuggled in through ports by anti-government freedom fighters. As the most famous wearer of the mask memorably declares:

“People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people. Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, and ideas are bulletproof…”


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    What i find odd that in the UK some on the left are wearing this mask and demanding a bigger more powerful state.

    Its as if they dont understand its meaning……


    • 11
      sceptical says:

      It has a meaning?


      • 50

        OT here but the just listened to the BBC 5 Live News at Five and they made absolutely no mention of the LibDem sex-pest/cover-up story.

        Quickly turned to Radio 4 to listen to their news and they’re discussing Ranulph Fiennes’ frostbite, John Venables’ pictures, and some extra from Father Ted.

        Again, no mention of forget-me-Clegg or any of his crew.



        • 94
          Anonymous says:

          UKIP candidate for Eastleigh seems to be the confident and cleverest of the lot. It seems UKIP has a good chance of wining.


        • 167
          YouWot? says:

          Don’t the Bahreinis know that there are downloadable, printable Origami version of the mask on the net?


      • 53
        Anonymous says:

        What happened to the Scottish students story?


      • 195
        La Fold says:

        V for Vendetta. Very mixed up comic. The Norsefire party a supposed satire of the Thatcher government at the time but the antihero V is without doubt a fascist, dispensing his own justice as he sees fit through acts of terrorism.

        Anothe rclassic example of muddled thinking. That somehow free market based policies are akin to Nazism or fascism but people doing what they want because they are indefatiguably “right” is somehow the answer to these problems.

        Mind you, Mushrooms were mushrooms back when Alan Moore wrote this.


    • 17
      SP4BS says:

      Perhaps its odd too that the original GF wanted to give power to a bigger and more powerful organisation than England.


      • 29
        Joss Ayinglike says:

        There was no bigger or more powerful organisation than England around the time of the original GF

        National decline began around about the time the Libor party came on the scene.


        • 69
          Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

          It is bad enough having morons commenting on current affairs without them rewriting history. There is a strange British fallacy that the defeat of the Spanish Armada meant that Britain became the premier power in Europe at the time. This is understood as complete rubbish by every serious historian. The Spanish government asked the impossible of its fleet (taking an army across the channel in the face of a strong navy). It attempted similar impossible tasks around the same time in France and the Netherlands. Nevertheless, it was strong enough to simultaneously stand up to all three countries on its own. Britain, on the other hand, needed alliance with France to thwart Spain in the Netherlands. The 17th century certainly saw the decline of Spain and the rise of Britain (and France), but they had not displaced Spain as the most powerful nation at the time of GF.

          End of history lesson 101.


          • Joss Ayinglike says:

            If you wish to believe your own revisionism, be my guest.

            I won’t bother to correct you nor trade insults with you.


          • Jimmy says:

            Of course if he’d succeeded, the Cardinal O’Brien business would be a much bigger story.


          • Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

            I am always open to correction. What, exactly, is factually incorrect in my analysis?


          • Sir William Wade says:

            SP485 was referring to the Church of Rome, I think, not Spain.


          • Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

            I agree Sir William, but Joss Ayinglike did not make that distinction.


          • SP4BS says:

            I was being deliberately vague.

            I don’t know much about it but I’d guess that the
            But I would have thought that the catholic church was a rather interfering and bossy sort of organisation in 1600.


    • 32
      Exiled Brit in Low Tax Switzerland says:

      8illly, I’ve made the same observation, and my intial reaction is it’s their typical sense of irony.

      However, we all know that most lefties (apart from Laurie Penny and Caroline Flint at a stretch) are pig fucking ugly and socially inadequate…..see Len McKluskey. The Guy Fawkes mask helps them make their ludicrous arguments without distracting us with their genetically defective faces.


      • 63
        Dianne Abbot says:



      • 75
        Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

        Whilst your assessment may have merit it is difficult to take seriously from a party that allows Domestos Hutchings to wander around loose without a muzzle.


      • 103
        Judith Charmless says:

        You are fucking joking about Laurie Penny, please tell me you are joking. Fucking gerbil faced squeeky little student Hunt. Boat race like a sweaty bird’s clunge on a hot day.


    • 54
  2. 2
    Guidders says:

    “Bein’ right is not a bulletproof vest” Cop Land


    • 87
      Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

      English governments have always been afraid of the lower orders, going back to the norman conquest and maybe beyond, only certain classes could carry swords, only certain classes could have hand guns, peasants were only allowed bill hooks, authoritarian governments all over the world behave in a like manner, not that I want go around carrying a sword, knife or a gun. It is remarkable that all the mass killings in the UK have involved licenced firearm people, makes you wonder who is granting the licences for guns etc. If someone wants a gun illegaly they can get one at a price (I don’t know how they do it but they do)


      • 169
        Bollocks to getting a pseudonym says:

        There hasn’t been an English government since 30/4/1707. They’ve all been British since then, and they’ve all been anti-English.


    • 92
      Saint Vitaminc says:

      Here is the lesson for today. Based on the last week.


      Husband / Wife
      Lover / Girlfriend
      Bishop / Priest
      Gay / Gay
      Straight / Straight
      Politician / Anyone
      Journalist / Reader
      Friend / Enemy

      “In No One We Trust.”


  3. 3
    Jamjar says:

    Vitamin C.


  4. 4
    The Right Honourable George Osborne Mp says:

    I think we’ve got a very clear message, a loud and clear message that Britain cannot let up in dealing with its debts, dealing with its problems, cannot let up in making sure that Britain can pay its way in the world.


    • 5
      Ball's shoots himself in the foot ably abetted by his backbenchers says:

      It’s obvious from the Labour party’s performance during Urgent Question on the loss of the Triple A rating that they are economically incompetent/illiterate from the lowest back bencher to the leadership…Gawd help us if they ever get back into power….it won’t be the loss of the Triple A rating that we’d be debating but default and the calling in of the IMF. as fast as they came at Osborne the quicker he knocked them back


      • 49
        Edi Miliband says:

        Want to see my policy big boy?


      • 76
        Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

        I would suggest that Bollox Balls and Druggie Osborne settle this by the traditional means of a duel. Unfortunately, given their level of competence, they would only shoot their seconds.


        • 101
          Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

          I would suggest as weapons, handbags, the time being 6.00, they may draw blood but unless things get really ugly not real is done to either contestant


          • Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

            Perhaps we should fatten Osborne up. Then they could contest the world gut-bumping championship. That should raise their profile in Newcastle.


  5. 6
    where the blind lead says:

    BBC in mourning, their hated enemy the one that the BBC continuously informed us had no chance of winning the Italian elections has in fact won the Italian election. No dont laugh, Berlusconi a figure of hate for the BBC for years and a target of their massive reserves of spite and ideological hatred has prevailed yet again. Worse still their pet Monti, the technocrap EU plant has gone down in flames in single figures. Sorry, hahahah ahahaha hahahah ahaaaaa.


    • 8
      JH2389423904823 says:

      If that’s true, things are going to get really interesting.


      • 83
        Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

        No risk. Bersani has won the lower house. There looks to be no control of the upper house. The only question is whether Berlusconi has enough seats to barter a stop to legal proceedings against him in return for not blocking all policies.


    • 9
      Politics aside says:

      Berlusconi is a wanker of the highest order.


    • 21
      CCHQ says:

      For heaven’s sake cut that out. We are all against sexual harassment of women now. At least until Thursday. Did Guido not pass on the memo?


    • 37
      SP4BS says:

      Why do you like him? He’s downright wierd.

      I don’t see how one can have “ideological hatred” for someone who doesn’t really seem to have much ideology, other than that he himself should be in charge.


      • 113
        Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

        Guido rather envied the old lad with picture taken of him (allegedly) on his private isalnd during a bunga-bunga party


      • 170
        Matilda says:

        “I don’t see how one can have “ideological hatred” for someone who doesn’t really seem to have much ideology, other than that he himself should be in charge”.

        Are you talking about the lovely Ed Millipede here? If so, that’s the first sensible comment I have read from you today.


  6. 7
    East India Company Wallah says:

    Passed through Bahrain in 1999,a person could easily spend a couple of million in duty free at the airport(porsches,lamborghinis,diamonds,watches) but you would find it difficult to spend ten dollars on food,woeful shit in a woeful shithole that those camel shaggers are welcome to


    • 60
      Oilly teatowels says:

      its that black stuff that gave it them … which we developed


      • 86
        Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

        Black stuff? They eat black pudding? Bloody hell. No wonder noone wants to eat there.


        • 119
          Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

          Now’t wrong wi a bit a black puddin very savoury, fried in its own fat to render the fat down. They would not have black pudding there, its supposed to be an Islamic state


  7. 10
    Lord Rennard says:

    Time for some more tuck methinks!


  8. 13
    Jimmy says:

    “Beneath this mask there is an idea”

    It must be feeling terribly lonely.


  9. 14
    V says:

    They will be banning burkas next


    • 22
      Sold Our Souls To The Devil For What - A few fighter aircraft and Over Priced Oil says:

      Not unless their medieval brains evolve just a tad more!


    • 25
      Nigel Biggles MEP, Leader of the Lemon Party says:

      That’s completely different. This could affect white people.


    • 171
      Matilda says:

      The reason they wear burkhas has precisely sod all to do with religion. These people have been living in that part of the world for thousand of years – long before the peedoh came along – and they know to keep out of the sun – which is why they cover up.

      Similarly, they know that to eat half cooked pig will likely kill them, and as it was difficult to know when a pig is properly and fully cooked in desert-living conditions, it was banned for health and safety reasons by elders who knew what they were doing. Hence the current day ban on pork products. Again, sod all to do with religion, more a matter of public safety for the citizens.


      • 172
        Matilda says:

        PS: A full cover garment is also very useful when caught out in the open in a sandstorm. Sand travelling at high speed will shear the skin off – so wear something to protect against it. Sensible people these desert dwellers. Pity they all got brainwashed by you know who.


  10. 16
    Lord of The Zip Flies Rennard says:

    One hump or two?


  11. 18
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    George Osbourne kept asking labour what their economic policy would be as an alternative to the coalition’s.
    Osbourne is wasting his time as labour do not have an economic policy, let alone any other policy.
    It beggars belief that Miliband has been labour’s leader for almost three years, and has yet to produce a single policy. What does he do all day?


    • 27
      Jimmy's Rightie Quote Of The Day says:

      And in order to bring some accountability to economic policy, I have set out eight benchmarks for the next Parliament against which you will be able to judge whether a Conservative Government is delivering on this new economic model.
      So we will maintain Britain’s AAA credit rating.
      We will increase saving, business investment and exports as a share of GDP.
      The plans I announced at the weekend to sell in due course the government’s stakes in RBS and Lloyds will help to encourage millions of people to start saving and investing for the future, often for the first time.
      We will improve Britain’s international rankings for tax competitiveness and business regulation with specific measures on corporation tax and regulatory budgets.
      We will reduce youth unemployment and reduce the number of children in workless households as part of our strategy for tackling poverty and inequality.
      We will raise the private sector’s share of the economy in all regions of the country, especially outside London and the South East.
      And we will reduce UK greenhouse gas emissions and increase our share of global markets for low carbon technologies.
      But perhaps the greatest challenge is reforming the public sector itself.
      The part of our economy that is responsible for delivering this framework for economic success is the one that has performed the worst of any sector over the last decade.
      Public sector productivity has actually fallen since 1997.
      Indeed if productivity in the public sector had grown at the same rate as in private sector services we could now have the same quality of public services for £60 billion less each year.
      A radical program of public sector reform is not just a fiscal necessity, it is vital if we are to deliver the world class education and welfare services that support a competitive economy.
      So we will raise productivity growth in the public sector by increasing diversity of provision, extending payment by results, giving more power to consumers and improving financial controls.
      We will expect productivity improvements to match the best of the private sector.
      And crucially, the Treasury will return to its core role of ensuring value for money for the only interest group it should represent – taxpayers.
      There will be no more empire building or attempts to interfere in every area of government policy.
      How can I put it in a topical way?
      You will have a Chancellor and a Prime Minister united with the common goal of unleashing the forces of enterprise.

      [gideon wallpaper, feb ’10]


    • 55
      All Lib Dumps are pervs says:

      Saw the BBC news (in error!) and guess what – they were showing Ballsup’s speech in full in the HOC – and drooling all over the place.
      Biased, brain dead, lying sacks of shyte!


  12. 19
    Anonymous says:

    fucky fuck


  13. 20
  14. 23
    postcard says:

    I’ve just seen Dave Cameron coming out of his local mosque in Chipping Norton.

    Isn’t it lovely in the Cotswolds. Just like England used to be in the fifties. Mosques in the towns, picanninies in the villages, and moslem sex slave gangs around the dreaming spires of Oxford.


  15. 26
    Lord Rennard says:

    That’s what I should’ve done. I should’ve worn a mask when I touched up the young lasses so they couldn’t identify me.


    • 30
      lib dumbo says:

      They’d probably recognise you by your famously tiny knob, mi’lord.


    • 35
      The House of Criminals and Pervs says:

      I think the fat belly of over indulgence, built up with subsidised food and drink along with a £300 per day House of Lords Attendance allowance “refresher”, would give the game away, mask or no mask.


      • 48
        Lord of Pulp Fiction Jeffrey Archer says:

        I must say I rather do object to having to rub shoulders with all the criminals and pervs when I pass go and collect my daily £300

        The sooner that becomes a proper “salary” paid directly into my bank account, the better!

        Roll on the grand reforms.


  16. 33
    EU Watch says:

    Looks like !taly has given the finger to Monti / EU / !MF.

    Bunga bunga lite and possible exit from Euro on the cards ?


    • 39
      Herman van Rumpboy says:

      NON, NEIN, NIET NO !!!


      • 52
        EU Watch says:

        First order of business is going to be some legislation making sure Burlescon!’s problems go away.

        Second order of business is going to involve teaching Brussels who the new bitch is.

        Third order of business: Bunga bunga lite.


        • 105
          Anonymous says:

          Possibly, possibly not. The Italians made the rather stupid mistake of appointing as the CEO of Banco Intesa (the Milan money laundering arm of Berlusconi and the Northern League) an Italian who is an ex main board director of Allianz and close to the Germans. Guess who knows all their grubby little secrets now……..


          • Matilda says:

            I hear the Alpine region is a great place for people to ‘disappear’. Anyone know the Italian for aspirin?


    • 62
      Jamie says:

      Makes no odds the bankers rule the f_cking place already. They’ll leave the Euro when Germany tells them to replace it with the New German Federation Deutschmark and not before.


  17. 51
    Calamity Clegg says:


  18. 56
    EU Watch says:


    • 59
      Welsh activist. says:

      Music to my eyes, if confirmed.


    • 61
      Herman van Rumpboy says:



    • 72
      EU Watch says:

      The next mini test will be Eastleigh.

      German Federal elections due in September.

      If the CDU carry on making the suicide noises as they have been recently (think Clegg / Lib Dem rhetoric over past few months), then Merkel may well not be around for much longer either.

      Recall that Germany gave a very negative vote of confidence in her and the EU during the recent Lower Saxony elections.

      (Which incidentally may also have put a spanner in Scotland’s independence strategy…)


      • 175
        Matilda says:

        A German mate of mine confides that the citizenry there are becoming highly pistov about them having to keep handing out hard earned cash to their feckless European “partners”. The bubble is about to burst, and it could well start with Mrs M and her party being given their P45s in a few months.

        We could well be hearing that old Vera Lynn favourite “Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye” ringing in our ears!

        The other – and probably much easier – solution would be for the Huns to exit the EU and its currency. Then it would be all over by the weekend!


    • 82
      SP4BS says:

      Are they voting against the Euro, or for a magical money fairy?


      • 95
        Long John Silver's parrot says:

        You have obviously forgotten about our Italian friends .

        I think by tomorrow morning the game may be up.


      • 106
        EU Watch says:

        For sure this is against the Euro, certainly against the EU / !MF imposed monetary policy which Mont! forced on them.

        !taly has very large gold reserves in their own country, an industrial base, and can go it alone if they wish.

        Remember years back when they were talking about switching back to the Lira ? They were serious. In order to reclaim their export markets from Ch!na they need to seriously devalue. That will also deal with the sovereign debt problem. Remaining in the Euro is not optimal for that country.

        They are also still a bit annoyed about being short changed over reconstruction contracts in !raq.

        !taly owes nothing to the EU / Europe, and will do as she wishes. If the government does not do something, the people will revolt.


        • 120
          SP4BS says:

          Berlusconi promises to hand out loads of money, and makes daft claims about the italian economy, based on little more than how many people he sees drinking coffee.

          I never get the one about people being keen on the govermnent trashing everyone’s wages and savings. If the government wants to make ferraris cheaper why don’t they just dictate that everyone is paid less, rather than secretly shoving their hands in everyone’s pockets by trashing the currency.


        • 122
          Plato says:

          Plus they are cheating f’uckers who don’t pay their debts.


  19. 64
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    What would serve them right is if all the men (and possibly the women?) who CAN trim a beard Van Dyck style, WOULD, and squint their eyes, whilst engaging in a shit-eating grin: “It ain’t a mask, Guv, it’s me face, innit?” in whatever the Arabic equivalent of Cockney is.
    Let’s see what the authorities do then!


    • 176
      Matilda says:

      They would have to ban beards! Which goes against everything these muzzies believe in!!

      (Facial ‘beards’ of course)


  20. 65
    What has this country come to? says:

    “A high court judge has banned protests by groups such as the English Defence League being held within 500 metres of the home of the radical Islamist cleric Abu Twatada”


    • 74
      Therasa May (or may not - probably not) says:

      No, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no because something what I don’t even know nothing about. So shut up and don’t be giving me evils because Abu has human rights to like sit and plan his terror attacks in like peace and quiet without interruptions and you can’t like be doing nothing about it or I will be like well beating you so shuttup.


      • 177
        Matilda says:

        Is this particular judge a muzzie then? Sooner or later (sure as eggs is eggs) we’ll have them in our judicial system – then the fun can really start!!!


    • 145
      the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

      what about if they are protesting about the price of eggs ?


  21. 70
    Clegg Watch. says:

    Clegg about to leave the building?…


    • 108
      Frederick Gideon Threepwood says:

      Be careful what you wish for. He now has had access to all the files on the Tory scandals re North Wales, Elm House, Islington etc etc. You think he will keep quiet?


  22. 71
    Clegg Watch. says:

    Clegg about to leave the building?…


  23. 73
    Person from Porlock says:

    Why is this page timed at February 25, 2013 at 5:01 pm when the first post was timed at February 25, 2013 at 4:32 pm?

    Over 30 more were also timed beforehand too. We need to be told.


    • 98
      old SHEP says:

      You have logged on to a cloned order/order site, star date 2020, topic for today is: Why does anybody fucking bother?.


      • 115
        Person from Porlock says:

        Because they would know the results of the upcoming Grand National and could win enough to break Paddy Power with the perfect accumulator bet.


    • 100
      Phil from Pentonville says:

      Foreigners posting from abroad is my guess.

      This afternoon I have had a cup of tea and a lovely ginger nut biscuit


      • 165
        the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

        custard creams are really cheap in tesco I was thinking about putting strawberry jam on them, would that be like a jammy dodger ?


  24. 78
    Guy Fawkes says:

    Guy Fawkes never achieved his objective. He became a Catholic martyr instead. People think he wanted to blow up parliament for freedom and democracy etc. He didn’t. He wanted to revert the country back to the dark days of Catholicism by handing over all our power and freedom to the Church of Rome. All the peasants would have been condemned to h-ell if he had succeeded because they would never have been able to afford to buy a very expensive indulgence from the p-ope which would have forgiven their sins. lol.


    • 89
      A theologian says:

      He wanted to go to heaven.


      • 104
        Get your indulgences here. Four for a pound. says:

        He should have bought an
        indulgence signed by the P-
        ope. I am sure he would have
        a special one that gets you
        straight to heaven and it need
        not cost a b-om-b.


    • 112
      P l e b says:

      It’s the thought that counts…


    • 157
      Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

      Fawkes was just the lookout, he was looking out and the guards caught him. He was tortured and eventually confessed who the others were, he was the last one on the scaffold and was forced to watch as the conspirators were hung, taken down their genitals cut off and thrown in the fire, quartered and beheaded. When it came to Fawkes’s turn, he decided that he was not going to be put death like that, when the noose was put around his neck, he manged to jump off the scaffold, I assume his body was treated in the same way as the others. There was a catholic belief at the time that when they would be resurrected they had their body back functioning normally, hence the genital removal.


  25. 91
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    Rumours circulating tonight claim that the Italians have voted to be governed by a professional comedian.

    If these rumours are true then why should the rest of Europe waste their time and money bailing out a country who do not take the democratic process seriously whilst quite happy to take their money?

    Expulsion from the Eu club may well be on the horizon .


  26. 102
    Get your indulgences here. Four for a pound. says:

    He should have bought an indulgence signed by the P-ope. I am sure he would have a special one that gets you straight to heaven and it need not cost a b-om-b. :)


  27. 107
    Reformer says:

    The true heroes were the REFORMERS!


  28. 110
    Anonymous says:

    And the new leader of the Lib Dems is Danny Alexander.


  29. 111
    Clueless in Eastleigh says:


    • 123
      rebekah aka nellnewman says:

      Sorry for what?

      sorry for the cover-up or sorry that the cover up didn’t work or sorry that he lied or sorry that his lie was found out.


      • 129
        Clueless in Eastleigh says:

        Pre this recent business.

        This was about Huhne saying sorry to Clegg for being a criminal etc.


        • 156
          rebekah aka nellnewman says:

          And before that laws saying sorry to cleggie for claiming £40,000 of taxpayers money he wasn’t entitiled to.


  30. 117
    Owin Jones says:

    Tories’ biggest donor withdraws funding over same-sex ‘marriage’ plan | Christian Concern http://j.mp/13aG4xH


  31. 118
    Person from Porlock says:

    OMFG! Now IKEA!

    I am going to have to check all my book shelves for traces of horse DNA…


    • 166
      the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

      you are not supposed to eat them silly.
      ps have you seen the cave on the beach with the chimney near porlock lock ?


    • 181
      Catty Comment (Ms) says:

      Yes beware – Cats are allergic to horses….


  32. 121
    P l e b says:

    The Chancellor has managed to achieve something even his Tory Chancellor predecessors of the 80s and 90s, John Major, Norman Lamont and Kenneth Clarke couldn’t do. Unlike them, George doesn’t think high unemployment is a price worth paying for low inflation because George has managed the difficult balancing act of producing both high inflation and high unemployment at the same time!

    So come on all you Gideon doubters, admit it! That’s not bad for a man whose only job was as a towel folder in Selfridges before he was put in charge of the British economy. Is it?


    • 124
      rebekah aka nellnewman says:

      What statistics are you using re: high unemployment?


      • 132
        great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies' says:

        Statistics produced during the Labour Party team meet last night. Trouble is they actually believe it which is frightening given the last chancellor and PM never had a job and only had a degree in the history of the Scottish Labour Party.

        That’s like expert subject steam trains between 1910 and 1912 in Ffestiniog .


      • 150
        Gog says:

        If you believe the statistics you’ll believe anything.


    • 146
      Eggone Runny says:

      Is he any good at folding serviettes ?
      I can offer him a position as maître d’.


    • 160
      Rambling Sid Rumpole says:

      If those chancellors you mention had inflation figures that Ossie has got they would have been over the moon, Gideon has nothing left to privatise, selling off at knock down prices to make sure the nationaised companies wre sold off. The trouble is they just cannot stop spending on glory projects on things which would be used by a small number of the population because the fares would be too high, armaments which we are never (I hope) going to use, continued involvement in foreign wars.


  33. 125
    Handycock says:

    That Rennard is a pervert. Going after women over 16 with no learning disabilities.

    Now, where was I, princess?


    • 186
      Handycock's bent masonic Doctor says:

      Cool it Handy, I won’t be able to get you another two months reprieve from the Coucil’s investigation if you are caught chasng young skirt all over the place. You will have to keep it in your trousers for a while. Boaz.


  34. 128
    The Guy Fawkes Conspiracy: Nothing but mere pawns to the government? says:


    Guy Fawkes and chums were mere pawns in a governmental conspiracy to denounce all Catholics as traitors?


    • 134
      Person from Porlock says:

      They had originally decided to do the twin towers but couldn’t find a plane.


      • 149
        Fondly Foxed from Feltham says:

        They tried making a giant catapult using the Arundel Towers and a pair of Fatbutt’s knickers. It all ended in tears.


        • 152
          Person from Porlock says:

          Yeah! They still got pulled down though. :-(

          *NOT Fatbutt’s knickers… Apologise for that horrendous mental image before pressing send*


  35. 130
    Ah! Monika says:

    BBC Look North

    Ist item ” horse meat found in school meals”

    Not sure whether the ‘ beard and hat ‘ was complaining because it was horse or because it wasn’t slaughtered by having it’s throat cut.

    What we need is an autopsy on every carcass to determined how it died.


    • 148
      old SHEP says:

      How does the Government and the RSPCA reconcile slaughtering an animal with a rusty knife to the throat facing Mecca with current animal cruelty laws?. Another mystery of our times.


  36. 131
    Anonymous says:

    Do any Liberal Democrats suffer from ‘non-specific’ urethritis?


  37. 135
    EU Watch says:

    Latest from !taly election is suggesting that there may be gridlock in the polls.

    More importantly, this could mean !taly is in ungovernable state.

    Full on political crisis could make trading tomorrow interesting.

    Euro sell off imminent ?


  38. 136
    Gog says:

    Horsemeat in IKEA meatballs would probably improve them.


  39. 139
    Fondly Foxed from Feltham says:
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  40. 147
    World Peace? says:

    So we move on from Catholic Martyrs to Izlamic Martyrs? Fab.


  41. 155
    Person from Porlock says:


    Clegg drowns.

    He tried to walk across the IJ to escape reporters and almost made it when a freak wave swept him under.


  42. 163
    Catholic Martyr French Fries with barbaque sauce. says:

    The best Catholic Martyr was Joan of Arc, a peasant girl who led her men into military victory and all because she was as nutty as fruit cake. Sold down the river by the French who allowed her to be capture by their enemies. She was burnt to the stake by her enemies for being a witch and not one of her own men tried to save her. May she R.I.P.


  43. 187
    Ivor Biggun says:

    Hold on a minute. What do you think makes people who want to change the status quo in Bahrain “Freedom Fighters”? Replacing one oppressive regime with another, funded and encouraged by one of the most oppressive of them all, does not constitute freedom.


  44. 189
    Man from middle earth says:

    What kind of a Conference would it be if delegates couldn’t go around “pressing the fruit”?

    Every one I’ve been on has been like a Benny Hill sketch – and lets not believe that it’s only the guys who go predatory when away from home!

    My last one entailed a female member of staff sneakily stroking my crotch whilst I attempted to hold a meaningful conversation with a charity trustee.

    I should report her to the police.


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