February 22nd, 2013

Friday Caption Contest: Career Development Edition


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    “Do you slum it here often?”

  2. 2
    Foxy Reynard says:

    FFS don’t get your tits out.

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    If we hidz unda the treees dem drones wont see us innit

  4. 4
    GoldenGem says:

    “Look! No hands!”

  5. 5
    Huhne for Prison says:

    “You know I`ve a reputation as a groper? But with you Sarah, I`m making an exception”.

  6. 6
    Road_Hog says:

    Lord Rennard: I think I’ve just turned gay.

  7. 7
    Dave the Iron LadyBoy says:


  8. 8
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    Why didn’t you try and touch me up then? Is it coz I is …?

  9. 9

    I would like you to help upstairs with our penetration in Eastleigh.

  10. 10
  11. 11
    Alvin says:

    “I don’t agree with gays getting married either Sarah, would you like to suck on a mussel?”

  12. 12
    speeddatingbeast says:

    You are old short and ugly

    Yes, bt I am an MP

  13. 13
    Lard Everard says:

    What would you say to an in/out referendum ?

  14. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Sorry Sarah, I have to draw the line somewhere.

  15. 15

    Rennard: I’ve got your belt in my pocket. You forgot to put it back on.

  16. 16
    Baron Samedi says:

    See with my hands above the table you are safe.

  17. 17
    pantomimebeast says:

    Im sorry Sarah but we already have the seven that we needed for this Christmas

  18. 18
    Welshracer says:

    Look I can Fix it for you.

  19. 19

    Sex raises its ugly heads.

  20. 20
    Red Egg Millitit.....National Socialist. says:

    “Listen honey, just a finger of fun up yer bum and give yerself a treat”

  21. 21
    Bill says:

    “I’m sorry Sarah, you are just way too old for me”

  22. 22
    Baron Samedi says:

    so you want to be in the cabinet? get under the tablecloth and we will see what happens

  23. 23
    Liberal Letch says:

    You are too old for Hancock and too young for Huhne, join my short list Sarah.

  24. 24
    pantomimebeast says:

    the hamster romance

  25. 25
    Charlie says says:

    Comment redacted for legal reasons.

  26. 26
    speake says:

    I’m not wearing pants.

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    what position do you fancy?

  28. 28
    Jimmy says:

    He’d been told that women liked it if you laugh at their jokes but even he wasn’t that horny.

  29. 29
    pantomimebeast says:

    Want a ladder to get down fron that chair ?

  30. 30
    aarongr says:

    From cabinet post to bed post?

  31. 31
    lastofthesummervintage says:

    What nice jugs you have, can i have some

  32. 32
    Kent Constable says:

    yes sarah, you left your knickers upstairs.
    along with your saddle and reins

  33. 33
    Green Bencher says:

    Fancy a seat in the House of Lords?

  34. 34
    Little and Large says:

    He may be big John to you Sarah but to the rest of us he’s little John Bercow.

  35. 35
    STROPPYCOW says:

    Is he THAT fucking desperate? FFS!!

  36. 36
    Kent Constable says:

    Yes Sarah, we may need to use the bridle suite…

  37. 37
    Randy Rennard says:

    If I get on you get on.

  38. 38
    Miss Teather says:

    Freddie Star ate what?

  39. 39
    Oscar Pistoff says:

    I’m stumped.

  40. 40
    M J G says:

    He was a lecherous eminence gris, she a voluble, though dim, backbencher morally inconsistent on gay marriage; when they met it was in the same party as Lynne Featherstone.

  41. 41
    Everyone says:

    Should’ve gone to Specsavers

  42. 42
    Randy Rennard says:

    Would you like to be part of yet another Lib Dem cock-up?

  43. 43
    Ian E says:

    Can we discuss my plans for the coming erection?

  44. 44
    LiberalLibido says:

    “My foot? I was just supporting your candidacy!”

  45. 45
    Randy Rennard says:

    Yes, of course we can both claim this on expenses.

  46. 46
    johnwardmedway says:

    Look, Sarah, when it comes to you I’m at the end of my Teather – or my party’s, that is…

  47. 47

    The uneatable in full pursuit of the unspeakable.

  48. 48
    Sally *Swallows* Bercow says:

    Lib Dem speed dating is never going to be the same without Lord R

  49. 49
    water preservation says:

    Has all that water made you feel bloated. Now how about working for a friend of mine who hasn’t seen you do stand up

  50. 50
    Oscar Pistolious says:

    Oi! Judge! Noooooooo! Stop milking the attention and just deliver your fucking decision on bail!

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Cover-up! By not sacking The Man With No Shame, politicians and civil servants are colluding to protect one of their own. The public are sickened by such cynicism

  52. 52
    a non says:

    ” I don’t want to be this way. I am lonely, I am lost. I mean I am literally lost, I have never been in this part of the Strangers Bar before.”

  53. 53
    Lord Rennard says:

    I’m Rennard
    My knob is well hard
    Come round my place
    And I’ll sexually assault you in the knowledge that the party top brass won’t do anything about it.

  54. 54
    Randy Rennard says:

    You gotta give head if you wanna get ahead.

  55. 55
    Wayne Rooney says:

    Kinda on the cusp for me; more like an older sister or young aunt than a “Mom” type, for my money anyway.

  56. 56
    Aesop's Fables says:

    A lord in your hand is worth taking one up the bush

  57. 57
    poets day says:

    “We all have little foibles, Sarah. Would you like to see my little foibles?”

  58. 58

    If you’re not up for it, I’d rather tether Sarah.

  59. 59
    Lib Dem accused says:

    “Hello little girl, would you like to see my polling”

  60. 60
    teetotal says:

    He is not going to get his leg over by plying the lady with evian water!

  61. 61
    Randy Rennard says:

    You don’t have to worry about Cleggie, he does what he’s told.

  62. 62
  63. 63
    Patrick says:

    Just put your hands round the water jug – that will give you a rough idea.

  64. 64

    I’d like you on the end of my tether, Sarah.

  65. 65
    Con Artists says:

    The Lib Dems 24 hour approved UK ‘entry visa’ for speed daters gets off to a bad start.

  66. 66
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Er, while you’re down there….

  67. 67
    Sleazy Sarah says:

    Wow, I’ve found the biggest prick in the pary.

  68. 68
    Pissedoffius says:

    I’m gonna get on a plane to South Africa to go and punch this fucking judge who’s been taking over an hour just to announce whether he’s granting bail or not.

  69. 69
    Con Artists says:

    How many speeding points did you say ?

  70. 70
    Rotten Rennard says:

    I’m telling you because you can talk eye to eye with Bercow.

  71. 71
    Tom Tit says:

    Who’s fucking removed my comment about him doing her up up the brown hole because she looks like a swollen mong?

  72. 72

    Rennard: We’ve never had it so good!

    Teather: I’ve never had it.

  73. 73
    Daniel says:

    If I kiss the toad will she turn into a beautiful princess


    He is saying to himself – Don’t look at her tits, don’t look at her tits, stare across the room, just don’t look

  74. 74
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “You’d probably be the best I could ever hope to come up with, and vice versa, in any real-world scenario, but we live in the Westminster bubble, don’t we? Power is an aphrodisiac, they say, which is why we both think we can do better than each other– but we really can’t, if we’re being honest…”

  75. 75

    Sarah: I suppose a fuck is out of the question?

  76. 76
    Con Artists says:

    Look Sarah, normally it would be a no.

    But fcuk it, YOLO !

  77. 77
    EC1 PhD says:

    Can I have a Midget on the Rocks, please.

  78. 78
    Lib Dem minister for expenses cheating says:

    You’re fu*ked if you do, fu*ked if you don’t.

  79. 79
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t you find me attractive?

  80. 80

    If they were to have a baby together, would the mong turn out even worse looking than Prezza?

  81. 81
    Comic Sarah says:

    Finds a new joke.

  82. 82

    Let us face it, we are both fucked.

  83. 83
    Randy Rennard says:

    I can make things very hard for you.

  84. 84
    Randy Rennard says:

    Forget Nick, he’s just a little prick.

  85. 85
    SP4BS says:

    he’s been passing questions to the jury

  86. 86
    The Dirty Rat says:

    Go ugly early.

  87. 87
    Ed Balls ate my cat says:


  88. 88
    Randy Rennard says:

    I agree with Nick – you’re fu*king ugly.

  89. 89
    NeilMc says:

    “Sorry Sarah. Gotta draw the line somewhere”!

  90. 90
    Stepney says:

    What do you mean stand up? I AM standing up.

  91. 91
    Horse teatherer says:

    That’s o.k., I’ve always believed small is beautiful.

  92. 92

    “Sit on my knee and let’s see what pops up.”

  93. 93
    Murderer says:

    Pistorious gets bail.

    The rich and famous always get bail.

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    What a pair of pricks.

  95. 95

    If you join me & Carina and Chris upstairs, I’ll show you why it’s called a bi-election.

  96. 96
    Purpleline says:

    Sarah I know my reputation goes before me, that I allegedly fook like a Rabbit, but I never ever fook Gerbils or Hamster (lookalikes).

    However,coincidentally LibDems will push for a Bestiality clause in our next coalition agreement with Labour.

  97. 97
    Well done to City University says:

    Just expel the c-unts.

    City University in London has been accused of discrimination by a group of Muslim students after it started locking a room used for Friday prayers.

    A group of students have formed Muslim Voices on Campus, calling on the university to reverse its decision.

    The group said it was being “unjustly targeted”.

    City said it acted because students had refused to submit the proposed content of sermons to the university before prayers to check its “appropriateness”.

    Wasif Sheikh, who leads the group, said: “We feel we are being unjustly targeted. All of our sermons are open, we welcome all students and all staff.

    “But when you start submitting your sermons to be monitored and scrutinised then there’s a chance for it to be dictated what’s allowed and what’s not allowed. We, as students, don’t accept that.”

  98. 98
    Adding a Dem to Libs Does Not Take Away Ongoing Weirdness Since Jeremy Thorpe says:

    Now, if you just open your legs a tad more, you will feel something warm and moist, don’t worry it’s only me, a little party trick.

  99. 99
    alextaylor says:

    Ok then Chris it’s agreed, l’ll wear a paper bag over my head if you fcuk me squealing like a pig

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    surprise, surprise : Sarah needs a ladder.

    surprise, surprise : Rennard offers a leg-up.

  101. 101
    Randy Rennard says:

    Lib Dems plan their next cock-up.

  102. 102
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Peter Griffin and his daughter Meg, on a recent visit to London…

  103. 103
    legless says:

    oscars bailed … this has the makings of an OJ type spectacle in the SA courts…the presiding official sounded like a real bumbler

  104. 104
    Qui Bono says:

    Remember when you said you hadn’t had a shag for ages….

  105. 105
  106. 106
    Randy Rennard says:

    I think I’m at the end of your Teather

  107. 107

    Ardour cools as he realises the water glass has a higher IQ.

  108. 108

    I am the new 8illy – it is quantity not quality that counts

  109. 109
    keredybretsa says:

    Darlin’ girl. I’ve had Dr Skinbacks Horn tablets.

  110. 110

    I will be making a lot of very funny comments below

  111. 111

    No, I don’t know! Why is this place called the Kit Kat club?

    Well, its all to do with fingers. Are you a two or a four?

  112. 112

    I was told off about making too many comments.

    Now I just post once, and then use a different monkier for my other posts.

    One of my fakes won it once.

  113. 113
    Lord Stansted says:

    No, I’m not Mr. Colchester!

  114. 114
    Oscar Bravo 1 to Control says:

    Apparently Oscar Pistorious wanted a new bathroom door but his missus was dead against it.

  115. 115
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Hell for Teather.

  116. 116
    AC1 says:

    Free the Golders Green Nonce Four now!

  117. 117
    Philip McArthur says:

    ” So just how liberal are you ?”

  118. 118
    YorkshireLad says:

    “And if you work for me, I’ll let you wear my ermine”

  119. 119
    PDPGB says:

    “No thanks dear, I may be an old letch but I do have some standards”

  120. 120
    Patrick says:

    My wife doesn’t understand me.

  121. 121
    Chris Huhne HMP73421 says:

    ST – Please grope me, please. Please, please, please.

  122. 122
    old SHEP says:

    Norris’es dastardly other brother arrives in Wetherfield and chats-up barmaid in the Rovers Return.

  123. 123
    D'jango. says:

    (Teather) Are you going to leave the tip?
    (Rennard) No, I’ve just pulled my fly up!

  124. 124
    Patrick says:

    I’m not like the other LibDems you know – I’m straight.

  125. 125
    LetThemSniffCoke says:

    Cheer up, Sarah. I’m stupid, fat and ugly too but that’s actually an asset in the LibDems.

  126. 126
    Black Rod - F**k Me How Many More Of My Good Lords Are Bent says:

    Look sweetie, if you turn me down you get Mike Handycock, it’s a no brainer.

  127. 127
    Target Elimination says:

    Thank God for Drones!

  128. 128
    When I was a lad I served a term as office boy to an attorney's firm... says:

    I think ermine here!

  129. 129
    H E Scams - No One Fails says:

    At least it’s not a real university!

  130. 130
    Sir William Wade says:

    Slowly, but precisely, Lord Rennard manoeuvred the mini-cam on the toe of his right shoe……

  131. 131
    Sir William Wade says:

    “No – I said ‘Do you like being tethered?'”

  132. 132
    Operation Crossbow says:

    If I put my hand down your knickers what will I get?

  133. 133
    Chris says:

    “Not sure if I’m Rennard or Falconer, are you.”

    “Uncomfortable, aren’t you.”

  134. 134
    William says:

    Do you have a Pussy, Cat?

  135. 135
    X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O says:

    Trolling someone on Caption Contest is about as low as it gets.

    You should get help.

  136. 136
    Patrick says:

    You look like one of the girls in this month’s Razzle.

  137. 137
    an impartial observer says:

    “The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”

  138. 138
    X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O X O says:

    Trolling the all above on Caption Contest is about as low as it gets.

    You should get help.

  139. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Roses are red,
    Violets are glorious,
    Don’t try to surprise
    Oscar Pistorius.

  140. 140
    Rightallalong says:

    Look Sarah, it’s either you or the ‘gay corner’ over there.

  141. 141
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Did you know that there is at least one atom of Schrödinger’s cat’s pee in that jug of water?

  142. 142
    Gonk III says:

    ‘Can you be short and get to my point ‘

  143. 143
    SHE says:

    You will be careful,’cos i,m small,..and very,very tight?….

  144. 144
    Guy Martin to win TT2013 says:

    If I leave you unwhipped you’ll only bore me with a rambling nonsensical explanation that nobody understands

  145. 145
  146. 146
    Handsy says:

    How did you do that with your hands above the table?

  147. 147
    Patrick says:

    Miriam, I just know that I’m a lot better in bed than Nick.

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    I’d tether her.

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    Sarah,just feel under the table to discover how big I am on the stump.

  150. 150
    Anonymous says:

    Rennard’s beer goggles deliver in spades.

  151. 151
    damned impertinent questions says:

    I cannot beat that one

  152. 152
    damned impertinent questions says:

  153. 153

    When Speed Dating goes horribly wrong!

  154. 154
    john@loggerheads says:


  155. 155
    Captn P says:

    Your perfect for the job, the right height and nice flat head.

  156. 156
    damned impertinent questions says:

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Fugly Convention 2013.

  158. 158
    Limp Dem says:

    Don’t worry Sarah. Rennard’s diabetic so probably impotent.

  159. 159
    The savant 10.4 highway patrol says:

    And. Now young man….

    Have you any thoughts on the career path you would like to follow when you finally grow up ?

  160. 160
    Populist2010 says:

    I agree with Nick.

  161. 161
    Billy Bragg says:

    Did someone call? Want me to do a gig do you?

  162. 162
    Grecian 2000 says:

    ‘Eh Chris, she is just as ugly as your ex and not even as funny!’

  163. 163
    Grecian 2001 says:

    Nudge, wink, ‘Could I interest you in some speeding points?’

  164. 164
    Stepney says:

    In hunting circles that’s termed teathering an old goat.

  165. 165
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Your name on a register?

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    i am going to slip my finger into your ring you fucking hobbit

  167. 167
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Don’t worry little girl – I’ve got a copy of the operation Ore list yeu know! and I know who all the journo’s on that list are; besides the judges, legals, MP’s, police, and the captains of industry. We are the untouchables.

  168. 168
    Modus Operandi says:

    “Why don’t we take our water with us upstairs to my room ?”

  169. 169
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Sorry, love, Carina asked me as well, but I just couldn’t.

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    Yeah, he sounded more like a judge on X-factor!

  171. 171
    It Was all Gordons fault says:

    Don’t worry they even let oscar out, yeh but they took his legs off to stop him doing a runner

  172. 172
    Anonymous says:

    Best comment by far. My congratulations maestro.

  173. 173
    robbie says:

    if that’s what it takes, Clegg can keep the job.

  174. 174
    Anonymous says:

    Good Christ I pity the poor sap who has to judged these predictable, schoolboy (sorry to insult 14 year old boys!) “jokes.”


  175. 175
    Anonymous says:

    I’m coming to the Teather on my end.

  176. 176
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Even if you can get my honourable member to stand, my dear, there’s not much chance of a lost deposit.

  177. 177
    Stu says:

    Don’t worry dear, if I honk your tits that’s as far as it will go. They don’t call me a limp dim for nothing.

  178. 178
    The Welfare State Must Die says:

    So, what part of Ming do you come from?

  179. 179
    lord mae west says:

    Can i cum up and see you sometime

  180. 180
    blub says:

    I feel you’d make the perfect height for an ambitious Lib Dem PPC.

  181. 181
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Dinner time at “Porkers R Us”- with added horse shit, sorry, meat.

  182. 182
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Sarah, not only will I be taking your cherry, I’ll be doing you a second favour. I’m offering you the chance to avoid being labeled the Ann Widecombe of the Liberal Democrats . . .

  183. 183
    50 Calibre says:

    “What do you mean, exception? I am not making an exception of you. It’s always easier to get the knickers off the ugly ones. You are on my list”.

  184. 184
    Geordieboy says:

    Give me a wank with your lips and you don’t have to bend down Sarah

  185. 185
    Nemesis says:

    I know I am a grossly obese ugly man but you are my only hope. Don’t you find pleasure in these fat slobbering lips?

  186. 186
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Nice- you sick bastard!!

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