Friday Caption Contest: Whinnying Here Edition
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
How ITV Crashed Out Online Last Night | MediaGuido
Green Leader Blames Terror Attacks on Britain | Asa Bennett
ABC Online Figures for Newspaper Websites | MediaGuido
Why Won’t Obama Acknowledge Islamist Reality? | Nile Gardiner
£1.3 Billion Extra Raised Since Top Tax Rate Cut | Telegraph
In Search of Swivel-Eyed Loons | Speccie
EU Tries to Ban Conker Trading | Telegraph
Coked-Up Celebs and Vengeful Politicians | Press Gazette
What We Don’t Know About the Woolwich Attack | Dan Hodges
Woolwich Terrorists Were Al-Qaeda’s Children | Jeremy Havardi
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Nigel Farage hits the nail on the head:
“This olive oil ban was virgin on the ridiculous.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
GIDEON IS A COMMIE
Spagbollocks.
“You’ve let me down, you’ve let yourself down, and you’ve let the whole school down.”
Horsemeat you say? well ill beef hooked….
Yes, that really is my brain..
Aaaaaaannnd They’re Toff!
Ugggh. I saw a common person eating something like that on a plane.
Gideon: You don’t expect me to eat that rubbish I’m the Chancellor of the Exchequer, that is for the common people, who I don’t know of course.
Quite right, George. The goop that’s sold for working-class consumption has the lot: lips, noses, eyes, nerves, genitals, the slaughterman’s laundry…..
Who broke the screen on my iPad?
Stool sample of britains most worm infected man.
” Eat that! you must be joking. That’s reserved for ones servants”
“Here mate, I found your brain”
We’re going to open a beef processing plant in your constituency.
Eric, shouldn’t that be a horse meat plant
Eat it. Do you think I’m an ass?
Don’t put yer pony on it!
Are they booing me in the background?
It’s life, George, but not as we bought it.
No Mr. Osborne, I expect you to eat it..
Why don’t we charge VAT on horsemeat?
These horses are due us millions in Inheritance taxes
Gideon: I told you once but I’ll say it again, that is not David Cameron’s brain. His contains more horse.
“What do you mean there’s no spaghetti tree?”
Spaghetti Bologneighs!
And this one came 4th in the 3.30 at Newmarket..
Or..
Well, as you can tell, its above ambient temperature now, so that’s another fiver you owe me..
Could you repeat that again,,the poor people actually buy this thing and,,,stick a fork in it to make holes and then put it in a micro,,what?,,please don’t say they then eat it or I will be sick,,dreadful people.
Neigh…Neigh!!!!
Personally, I prefer Korean food. It’s the dog’s bo**ocks!
I’m terribly sorry sir, the sample appears to indicate you err, hmmmm, have worms sir!
Stick it up yer’ ‘orse!
Where’s the beef?
Very good…!
The doctors say that following my bowel cancer I have to watch what I eat. So, I’m trying to get ticets for this years Grand National!
It’s the new Findus dish. Tapeworm Bolognese
And this one came highly recommended by the readers of Horse and Hound..
Man : “It looks like cast off bits . I’d say Its been swept up off the floor. Its repackaged and relabeled and reheated. But its still just a scoop of unpalatable, indigestible, ill defined mush.”
We’re going to label it ..
“Miliband’s 10p tax aspiration – not for serious economic consumption.”
‘May 2015 – newest enrollee on Government Workfare Scheme provides stool sample’
“How am I supposed to shoot foxes on that?”
Back-to-work participant told to stop complaining: ‘You said you wanted to work with horses, George.’
No, I assure you, it pasta be beef.
Passing off some expensively reared, inbred animal as the real thing is wrong. But enough of David Cameron, what did you want to ask me about ready-meals?
And this one goes quite nicely with some horseradish..
The buckaroo stops here!
I’m not going to eat that. I may catch an Orse-borne disease.
An oldie, but:
“Why the long face?”
You woos, Eric Pickles ate six of these..
..I see…So it is 100% horse….Oh dear… Well, as chancellor I’d better do something. How about a 24% Vat rate if its served hot, but 12% as it cools?
After the success of the tumorous growth over a cigarette we thought we would try the same with a Findus ready meal.
We serve this to the patients at stafford hospital. Just out of reach and we find it lasts for weeks.
stop your whinnying, I mean whining!, its 75p to you
The tasting panel liked it, so it’s cleared the first hurdle.
God only knows what’s in their stew and dumplings.
Now I KNOW I heard snorting in your hotel room, was it you or Neddy here?
Weel, I’ll be burgered.
OMG! a pleb. Where’re those damned G4S security police?
Man: This vile mass of fat and tissue isn’t what it’s claimed to be.
CoE: That’s a bit harsh, and anyway, I’ve never said I was a Conservative.
Not exactly what one had in mind when I said I was looking for a horsebox.
Do I look like my names gummer?
Apparently it was Al-Dente at 10 to 1.
You are now nearly as popular as this.
Stop nagging about ready meals – I’ve got a whole economy to screw up!
No I can’t eat that, I’m too full after eating their faggots.
Hello.
Nah, mate..its Halal.
Not ‘whores’ Chancellor, ‘horse’.
“Rodney, I said we had to stabilise the economy, not beef it up”
Dinner has arrived sir.
I’ve made a bit of a corned beef hash of the economy.
“Are you sure they wont find Rebbecca Brooks horse in this product”
Dead ? Nah mate. He’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for Chepstow.
When I said I wanted to see the horse-faces I meant Tory party members!
Get back you devil in disguise and take that offering back to the pits of hell
This appears to show it’s terminal.
I’ts not one of ours sir, this is an engineering workshop.
Looks like lathe turnings sir.
“Gideon, limbering up on the touchline, ready to come in during the next stoppage of play, that’s him in the reflector vest…”
Neigh lad …this ‘OS muck it’s ollers in ‘t royd.
Looks allot like the economy sir.
a lot
We’re all Findus together.
I’m from the Dali Mail. Here’s my ID.
FFS don’t let Princess Anne know what’s in that. They have spies in the cabinet you know
These Korean meatballs really are the dogs bollocks!
lol
Workfare scheme visit.
“And so exactly how many former unemployed people made this?”
“Well..depends on the person. One of them big lardy aresed ones makes about 30 packs.”
“The Nays have it”
Well, it could be policy…
Listen my good man. I asked you to bring me my horse drawn carriage not a horse quorn marriage.
Give it to Teresa – she needs it more than I do.
I wouldn’t eat it but Theresa May.
These packs are underweight in meat by 20grams. This one has 30grams of beef, which is correct but only 50 grams of horse.
And that, is a serious offence, Sir.
So tell me, does this Eric Pickles Tapeworm Diet actually work?
What with “Gay marriage” and pork ,secretly,in many innocent food products
i would like to welcome our muslim friends to live here!!!!!
Do you have that with added Shergar?
This pack may contain traces of ‘Orsebone.
So this is your vision of the future Chancellor.
Osbourne confounded by neighsayers.
Spot the horse’s arse in this picture.
And the plebs actually eat this stuff?
I understand you want a refund sir, but this is a redundant widgets workshop.
You are like this Ready meal, Chancellor. You look like a Conservative and came with a Conservative manifesto, but…
And the best thing is , it is guaranteed free of mad cows disease.
Can you please tell us Mr Osborne why were the carcasses of six bute infected horses slaughtered in the UK between 30 January 2013 and 7 February 2013 exported to France where according to the FSA they “may have entered the food chain ” ?
Do you agree that this is a negligent act ?
Yes… much, much worse than killing 1200 patients in Stafford Death Camp
Who would be better at running the economy. You or Red Rum?
No thanks George, I think I’ll just flush it straight down the loo and cut out the middleman.
“What’s the price of that then?”
“8/1 against”
I might be out of touch, but even I know that’s not lasagne.
Does anyone actually eat that shit..
Sorry Chancellor, but this meat has more credibility than your economic policies.
Tory Bolognese. May contain nuts.
No, let’s try again Mr Osborne. This isn’t your arse or your elbow. What am I holding?
Well, if you used your 10% staff discount at Poundland then it’s only really 90% horse.
The Duchess of Cornwall, may I introduce you to David Miliband
Too bad for George Osborne that his other stalking horse is more lively and better prepared than that one, or himself for that matter!
Seriously Chancellor, call your buddies and tell them to stop, at this rate there’ll be nothing left for the Grand National.
Gideon: “I’m so hungry I could eat the hind leg off a donkey.”
Flunkey: ” Then the Findus Bolognese it is sir.”
“Pleased to meat you,” stuttered the Chancellor, momentarily shocked to be introduced to Labour’s Eastleigh candidate.
This is horses tape worms I salvaged before being minced. Nothing has been said about the spaghetti.
It all needs to be destroyed? No problem. Put it on a pile. We’ll starve Uncle Eric for 30 minutes and send him on down.
100% Raisa with complements from Rebekah Brookes
” Bit like us really, relying on a mixture of cheap cuts “
So this contains 100% Adam Afriyie, sorry, I mean stalking horse, problem solved
…and they’re off.
Ready meal, what the devil is a ready meal?
Findus ready meals – as recommended by The Galloping Gourmet.
Pastafarian Communion celebration. In the flesh.
Lokk I’ve already said I don’t eat that sort of food —- so be a good fellow and be off with you .
Or as my friend Davy mimed in the House recently at PMQ’s:
“Why don’t you just fuck off “
I said, get me something that I could snort.
You’re no different to Findus, Chancellor; you’re both flogging a dead horse.
This is the closest I can get to snorting on these wages.
“Don’t worry Chancellor, Camilla swears by it.”
Osborne expresses concern that his Tesco Bolognese may give him the trots.
” I’m sorry to tell you Mr Osbourne, but you’ve got worms.”
You’ve made a right bolognese of the economy
“Are you having a giraffe?” “No, but you’re having horse”
Spaghetti al burro
“What is a ‘microwave oven’?”
Here. You throw this food around. And I’ll go and smash up that bench.
Excuse me sir, I understand that this is your stool sample.
“It’s, er, Shergar, sir”
Trotting out he same jokes.
Well there are dozens of winners in the above comments.
Must be the best ever of these “competition”.
The new x-ray id cards are catching on
This is all that remains of one patient in Stafford Hospital.
Fancy going for a nag break?
That’s a fake iPad mate. Us MPs all got the real thing.
The new x-ray id cards are finally catching on
Don’t look so scared sir. If you look closely you’ll see the letters NHS. Feel the quality sir. The envy of the world.
The third world, perhaps – certainly not any of our economic peers or neighbours.
Gideon’s bridle.
“Your iPad seems to have broken”
“No. The girl on the phone definitely said you had fresh whores from Eastern Europe…”
The one Dave was riding ?
Listen, I will explain it slowly….. This full of horse MEAT, you full of horse… Oh I give up.
The meat is this ready meal comefrom the stables.
Which stables?
The ones you forgot to mention when claiming your expenses!
Of course I’m not going to eat that, you stupid hack. Grow up and sod off.
The good news is that this isn’t horsemeat. The bad news is that there’s a very angry bull looking for his testicles.
Look sir. It’s perfect if you’re on the hoof.
“And this is an example of the sort of complimentary food served to holders of first class rail tickets…”
New Ipad App reveals content of Osbourne’s brain.
It’s full of shit, it looks revolting and it’s well past it’s sell-by date. Don’t you agree, Dobbin?
Life’s Bute-iful.
Its fantastic stuff. Just one of these will feed a family of Romanians for a whole week
Or a whole ward.
Yes but you have to move it about from bed to bed when they cant reach it. It’s known as a Stafford Special
Best served cold, like our patients
You say ‘patient’ but in the industry we prefer the term ‘feedstock’
“Tim Yeo has suggested we should rebrand it as equine recycling rather than food and then we can get a subsidy off the Treasury. Damn good idea. More than worth the consultancy fee”
“£10,000 a head and this is what we do to the 1922″
“When we burgled Milliband’s office this is what we found filed under ‘Economic Strategy’”
“It’s full of shit, it looks revolting and it’s well past it’s sell-by date…..but enough about the coalition …let’s talk spaghetti”
“Mince? ….no I leave that to some of the back-benchers, if you get my drift”
Until last week this was Chris Huhne’s defence
” ……………and next week we are planning new promotional packs labelled ‘Buy one and help the Dogs Home’ – brilliant cross branding and the ASA wont be able to touch us”
And this Chancellor, is the only kind of food the majority of the population can afford after thirty-four years of “free-market” capitalism and trickle-down economics.
George – nice try, but hiding your coke in a ready meal was not the wisest plan. No wonder they call you Gidiot!
George, let me explain, this is called a ready meal – a thing poor people eat. You know the ones you and your stupid toff chum Camerchump are knowing feeding horse meat to, because your mate who owns the firm wants more profits and you promised to get him a knock off paddock out of expenses, but as it pee’d people off last time you had to promise him the profits for ponies deal?
Are you sure you don’t want to try this Ready-Medhi George ?
“Its a special mix of policy measures that just requires reheating”.
“We call it the Mervyn King Size meal – one potion and you are up Quantitative Easing all night”
This one is special, it’s actually made from the horse which Dave rode last year in Chipping something
“Don’t threaten me with a frozen horse”
Oi serf, who do you think I am, Richard III?
I’ve heard of enjoying the country life but really this is as tough as the saddle it last had on its back!
Was this the ‘ride’ Dave had from Rebekkah!
“It’s not big and it’s not clever and neither is the bolognaise”!
We lost triple A rating. So here’s one of those new triple B bungled derivatives; Balls and Brown’s Bottom.
The new generation can be run on this to provide how much horse power?