February 11th, 2013

Full Statement from Resigning Pope

Dear Brothers,

I have convoked you to this Consistory, not only for the three canonizations, but also to communicate to you a decision of great importance for the life of the Church. After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry. I am well aware that this ministry, due to its essential spiritual nature, must be carried out not only with words and deeds, but no less with prayer and suffering. However, in today’s world, subject to so many rapid changes and shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith, in order to govern the bark of Saint Peter and proclaim the Gospel, both strength of mind and body are necessary, strength which in the last few months, has deteriorated in me to the extent that I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me. For this reason, and well aware of the seriousness of this act, with full freedom I declare that I renounce the ministry of Bishop of Rome, Successor of Saint Peter, entrusted to me by the Cardinals on 19 April 2005, in such a way, that as from 28 February 2013, at 20:00 hours, the See of Rome, the See of Saint Peter, will be vacant and a Conclave to elect the new Supreme Pontiff will have to be convoked by those whose competence it is.

Dear Brothers, I thank you most sincerely for all the love and work with which you have supported me in my ministry and I ask pardon for all my defects. And now, let us entrust the Holy Church to the care of Our Supreme Pastor, Our Lord Jesus Christ, and implore his holy Mother Mary, so that she may assist the Cardinal Fathers with her maternal solicitude, in electing a new Supreme Pontiff. With regard to myself, I wish to also devotedly serve the Holy Church of God in the future through a life dedicated to prayer.

From the Vatican, 10 February 2013



  1. 1
    Ed Miliband (Prime Minister designate) says:

    Prime Minister David Cameron take note.

  2. 2
    Executive Summary says:


  3. 3
    Call me Dave says:

    Can we have pink smoke?

  4. 4
    Sparky the Dog says:

    Are we going to have a commons vote on gay popes now?

  5. 5
    Casual Observer says:

    Is this because he told the truth about gay marriage ?

  6. 6
    MB. says:

    That leaves the Queen as now the only present day head of state who served in uniform during WWII.

  7. 7
    Tony Bliar resplendant in his white robes says:

    I’m a straight kinda guy on the look out for decent property in Rome.

  8. 8
    Vatican Secretary says:

    Actually, he’s resigning because I told the truth.

  9. 9
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    There’s a photo of him popping something in Ed Balls’ university wardrobe coming out.

  10. 10
    Twitter me not says:

    You would have thought….

  11. 11
    His Holiness Tony Blair says:

    Now that it looks unlikely that I will be life Presdent of the EU maybe just maybe I could be in the running for Pope.

  12. 12
    Plato says:

    90% of the statement doesn’t make any sense at all?

  13. 13
    Engineer says:

    Yer Missus will be demanding equal opportunities. Popess Slotgob.

  14. 14
    Plato says:

    They’ve just got rid of one war criminal?

  15. 15
    Just wondrin says:

    Is his decision infallible?

  16. 16
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Typical. He will be joining some Lobby outfit within days. You watch…

  17. 17
    Paniagua says:

    I think it is Vogon poetry.

  18. 18
    Hmm says:

    I have often wondered what a Pope would do when he realised he no longer believed in God.

  19. 19
    Keitho says:

    Popes haven’t claimed infallibility for some considerable time now.

  20. 20
    Pryce Watch says:

    In other news, operation tears of a clown in full swing:


    Pryce has a speech to give tomorrow evening at the Society of Business Economists:

    Evening Meeting Tuesday 12 February 2013, 6.00pm
    Vicky Pryce
    Senior Managing Director FTI Consulting
    Vicky will talk about her new book ‘Greekonomics’. More details to follow

    Hope she dries her tears in time to push her book and flawed ideas about economics for Greece.

  21. 21
    twat watch says:

    8illy you are a twat

  22. 22
    Owin Jones says:

    Ed Miliband calls for an immediate, independent, judge-led inquiry into the Pope’s resignation

  23. 23
    Engineer says:

    Roughly translated, it says, “I’m knackered, getting a bit doolally, and I want to put my feet up.”

  24. 24
    Living in 97% white Merseyside says:

    I don’t particulary like the RC Church but give credit where credit is due. Born just an ordinary being and rising to the very top of his chosen profession is a great achievement.

  25. 25
    Spinifex says:

    His successor gets to wear that cool beanie.

  26. 26
    God says:

    But they haven’t renounced the doctrine of infallability either.

  27. 27
    Hand the Cat says:

    He would have doubted his belief in god when that awful Blair was accepted into the church of rome

  28. 28
    Padre Pederastia says:

    He will be sorely missed by all God’s ‘Children’

  29. 29
    A Vogon says:

    Oh freddled gruntbuggly/thy micturations are to me/As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
    Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes. And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
    Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don’t!”

  30. 30
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Archbishops of Canterbury have not believed in God for years so it will probably be something similar.

  31. 31
    Hand the Cat says:

    A bit like the Millimonkey

  32. 32
    Martin Day says:

    No doubt the Pope was simply a stalking horse for Boris’s return..

  33. 33
    Nadine's left nipple says:

    This is all very interesting about the Pope but what I want to know is how safe are the frozen Lasagnes in my freezer .

    Where is that Mr Patterson ?

  34. 34
    Ian Paisley says:

    It’s because he is going to be the father to the anti-christ. We must take up arms against the Fenian worshippers of satan!

  35. 35
    London Rubber Company says:


  36. 36
    David Attenborough says:

    So, bears don’t all shit in the woods

  37. 37

    A political or religious leader retiring because he recognises he’s past it.

    Has this ever happened before?

  38. 38
    STuN says:

    The Hitler Youth had a great training regime…

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Plato says:

    We don’t know that’s the reason. And, it’s not really unusual for pope’s to become senile.

  41. 41
    JabbaTheCat says:

    Is this where Jeremy Irons steps into the post?

  42. 42
  43. 43
    Hand the Cat says:

    What we really need is a hardline Pope who will consider the followers of the relgion of piss to be heritics, anti EU as well would help

  44. 44
    Just Another Zek says:

    If only our elite would do the same

  45. 45
    Lord Mandelspawn - Lizard International says:

    I am happy to kiss your ring Tony, again.

  46. 46
    Pope on a Rope says:

    Take two cardinals into the shower? No I just wash and blow

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Pope resigns after revelation that he forced Jesus to take the penalty for the Pope’s sins.

  48. 48
    Just Another Zek says:

    Don’t think a belief in God has been a requirement for the COE for some time. Just getting some really good property on the cheap and a sinecure seems to be the main objective from what I’ve seen.

  49. 49
    Spartacus says:

    he was only following his orders

  50. 50
    Hand the Cat says:

    Gordon Brown

  51. 51
    Quiet Bat Person says:

    **** VACANCY ****

    Pontiff (Level 27 Payscale)

    Ex-Nazis with a blind eye for paedophiles preferred.

    Apply: Dun Rome In, The Vatican, Italy.

  52. 52
    Pansy Potter says:

    You mean K Clark europe enforcer and willi holder

  53. 53
    phenolphthalein says:

    ___ people who call others twats mostly have very small penises and normally end up topping themselves ___

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    The question remains – has he fallen on his own sword, or was he pushed. Pope’s don’t usually resign of their own accord, any more than British monarchs do

  55. 55
    Hermitthehamster says:

    Is there any money in it?

  56. 56
    Nudger says:

    Can you Imagine what she has had in her mouth.

  57. 57
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    A couple of meatballs and a piece of macaroni?

  58. 58
    Jimmy says:

    “I have had to recognize my incapacity to adequately fulfill the ministry entrusted to me.”

    In other news, Butch remains PM.

  59. 59
    Thousands of Nuns says:

    ….” Dear Brothers” ??

  60. 60
    Anonymous says:

    so where is Bliar when we need to mock his a acting.
    a gay god will do the trick.
    up the papal.
    is mandelshun working from the back.
    he who is ethical now. must be true that’s what it says on his Lizzi Int tin.
    all the best…man.die.

  61. 61
    Pryce Watch says:

    The eldest daughter from Pryce’s previous marriage (to a guy named Pryce…) submitted evidence today.

    Daily echo and others reporting.

    Sounds more like the kind of fodder you get in family court (not that many in UK will be familiar as they are in camera…) than criminal.


    Sounds like her daughter may be an accessory, or there are other concerns with that testimony. Or perhaps the judge is preparing to direct the jury to a verdict.

    The proceedings are descending into pantomime. This case should only be about proving if Pryce perverted the course of justice, which she did, and if her plea of not guilty by reason of marital coercion is valid.

    Some character assassination is required, but this is now entering the territory of domestic violence claims for which there may be required closer examination of fact as there could be more charges for Huhne, or contempt / perjury charges for Pryce.

    Time will tell: She has a big evening tomorrow at the SBE for the book she wrote last year.

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Why 8pm?

    Is there something good on the TV then?

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    or think even bigger…
    mandy of lizzi’s ethics. oh wot gay weavers at work.
    god bless em all.

  64. 64
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Disraeli did better.

    A Due AND from Liverpool

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    oh well, faliled the modbot test.

  66. 66
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Have you got a lock on the freezer door?

  67. 67
  68. 68
    The Greens says:

    Is all that smoke really necessary?

  69. 69
    Anonymous says:

    Hello? Is that Bono? Are you doing anything this month?

  70. 70
    Conspiracy theorist says:

    Where do I start?

  71. 71
    yeah, right... says:

    Excellent. But there the similarity ends. Brenda was never alleged to have been complicit in child abuse.

  72. 72
    Bing Crosby's Stunt Double says:

    Last chance for fans of St Malachy, and Iranian nuclear scientists, to hit it off.

  73. 73
    All Religions are Total Bollux says:

    Nor was she in the Hilter Youth

  74. 74
    Misternedderry says:

    It’s shit. Where is the airlock?

  75. 75
    Misternedderry says:

    Who shall be Petrus Romanus? The last pope?

  76. 76
    fortitude says:

    6 Popes gone, the Queen reigns on….

  77. 77
    Houdini Dave says:

    Benny’s going at 2000hrs on 28th.February. A nice distraction from the Eastleigh result that evening.

  78. 78
    Findus says:

    Romanian Horsemeat is popular at the moment.

  79. 79
    Brenda says:


    Remind one. How many Prime Ministers has one had to deal with?

    Thirteen ? — soon to be 14. This year one trusts.

  80. 80
    Jimmy says:

    Surely Jesus, in a very real sense, has taken all our points?

  81. 81
    A scholar says:

    What’s Latin for ‘me culpa’ ?

  82. 82
    Plato says:

    Yeah, not sure about the idea that one rogue abattoir supplied all the major frozen food producers in Europe.

  83. 83
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Is that a whether report?

  84. 84
    Riggsy Brown says:

    Something doesn’t quite add up imho. Perhaps the real/underlying reasons may become clearer at a later date.

  85. 85
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 + latin O levle says:

    mea culpa

  86. 86
    yeah, right... says:

    Yes, that should solve all the world’s problems.

  87. 87
    Living in 97% white Merseyside says:

    Yes, let’s play them at their own game and launch a holy war – a crusade!
    Expel the infidels from Holy Land and reclaim it for Christianity.

    And I’m an agnostic!

  88. 88
    Living in 97% white Merseyside says:

    Sorry, that was supposed to be a reply to Hand the Cat.

  89. 89
    keredybretsa says:

    Getting well past his ‘sell by’ date. Better to be a has been Pope than a never was.
    Although they usually tip their clogs in office, but this one has given in his notice.

  90. 90
    A. Jones. Age, 14 & 1/2 says:

    The Pope is resigning to become the LibDem candidate for Eastleigh, Clegg wanted a name that could stand a hope in hell.

    In other news, the Vatican will be advertising for a new commander-in-chief. Advantageous diversification characteristics would be:

  91. 91
    All MPs are scum says:

    “I knew it was over for me when McMental touched me”

  92. 92
    kiddywinky says:


  93. 93
    Petrus Romanus says:

    The next pope will be Cardinal Peter Turkson from Ghana – ‘petrus romanus’ fulfilling prophecies for the end of the world and all that.

  94. 94
    Anon says:

    Does he know he is on the Jimmy Saville list??????

  95. 95
    Wee Gordy says:

    Today I am going to be The Pope.

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    underlying or under age?

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    It’s not up to him to abandon his post, God should kill him off when he doesn’t want to speak to him any more.

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    ROFL – try telling that to David Icke . . .

  99. 99
    Twat Watch says:

    Comment 29

  100. 100
    Twat Watch says:

    You are 8illy and I claim my five pounds

  101. 101
    Roma Dealer says:

    More like horse bollocks these days.

  102. 102
    Twat Watch says:

    … and you seem to have learned how to use an online thesaurus – well done.

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    His statement to Consistory was in Latin, this is a translation of his words.

  104. 104
    Bukaresti says:

    Agreed. But the horse is Romanian nag.

    All redundant and abandoned by their owners as falling foul of new EU inspired traffic laws.

  105. 105
    Grimy Miner says:

    A good day to bury bad news

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    He was speaking to the Consistory, which is all male as it’s made up of Cardinals..

  107. 107
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    …especially polar bears.

  108. 108
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    Wasn’t that supposed to happen a few weeks ago? Got stuck in the traffic did it?

  109. 109
    A stupid auld bag fae Edinburgh says:

    Goodbye to the rubbish.

  110. 110
    T'Old Fella says:

    No, only black or white sunbeam

  111. 111
    T'Old Fella says:

    Who’s David Icke?

  112. 112
    T'Old Fella says:

    She might fancy being only the second female Pope the last one was about 800 years ago

  113. 113
    T'Old Fella says:

    Has he woken up up yet? last seen asleep in his bed nursing his Teddy bear

  114. 114
    Viv says:

    I expected the usual flood of puerile comments, but some of the contributors have hit a new low.

  115. 115
    VERITAS says:

    The new Pontiff will be a South American either Bergolio of Argentino or the Cardinal Arcbishop of Sao Paulo both available at 20 to 1 with Paddy Power get yoyr money on now you have been told I won a shed load last time backing Rattzinger

  116. 116
    Riggsy Brown says:

    What’s your best guess, Anon? You’re usually right on the money – or as near as dammit – in matters of tactical obfuscation.

  117. 117
    MB. says:

    I wonder if it is a crafty move so he can have a strong influence on who his successor will be?

  118. 118
    smoggie says:

    If he dumbed it down to your intellect Plato it would mean even less.

  119. 119
    smoggie says:

    He will be South American. The Church is not quite ready for a black Pope.

  120. 120
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t be an arse Plato, its perfectly clear and consistent, try again.

    BTW Paul, it’s Barque not Bark.

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    What’s the carbon footprint of a papal election?

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