February 11th, 2013

Boris Out-Foxed on Baby Biting

Boris has reacted to the Bromley baby attack by a fox quickly and without bluster:

“They may appear cuddly and romantic, but foxes are also a pest and a menace, particularly in our cities. This must serve as a wake-up call to London’s borough leaders, who are responsible for pest control. They must come together, study the data, try to understand why this is becoming such a problem and act quickly to sort it out.”

However that was not what the Mayor was saying exactly a week ago in his Telegraph column:

“My instinct tells me that foxes are everywhere, and that they are more numerous and bolder than ever before. But the deeper I dug into fox-on-cat violence, the more doubtful I became. Foxes go for vulnerable critters. They might go for your toes if you were lying in a stupor, but only because they failed to grasp that your toes were attached to a large and potentially violent human being. They might go (once in a blue moon) for a baby, but only because a baby is defenceless.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I lay the facts of the case before you, and I suggest that the evidence against the fox is by no means conclusive. I am left with the mystery of that first eruption of rage, that chilling certainty as to the authors of the crime. There is a word for that misapprehension. There was something that made me finger the newcomers, the strangers, the ones who weren’t around when I was a kid. There was something that made me want to believe that the culprits were the recent additions to our urban habitat, the ones who make the spooky yowling at night. I think the word for that anti-fox feeling is prejudice. Or am I wrong?”

Ouch. Guess it’s a blue moon…


  1. 1
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Urban foxes do the job out lazy incompetent councils do not do – that is, pest control. Bozo Johnson can get stuffed. I prefer the foxes running around locally than the rats.


  2. 2
    Paniagua says:

    Why use one word when twenty will suffice. Waffling buffoon

  3. 3
    Nick Clegg says:

    Lib Dems pushing for an AV referendum in the Vatican.

  4. 4
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    Don’t achieve be a northern sponger and get everything for free.

  5. 5
    Owin Jones says:

    Does this mean Pancake Tuesday will be cancelled?!!! :(

  6. 6
    Spartacus says:

    foxx bites baby – that’s what you get when you vote against fox hunting

  7. 7
    Nick Clegg says:

    We will need 48 different colours of smoke, and 96 chimneys.

  8. 8

    We’ve got the water.

    Try drinking your cashpoint card.

  9. 9
  10. 10
    Just Another Zek says:

    What a f_cking twat. Just another bloated politician with f_ck all to say

  11. 11
    BoJo says:

    Fox off.

  12. 12
    Hand the Cat says:

    “They may appear cuddly and romantic, but foxes/MP’s are also a pest and a menace, particularly in our cities.”

  13. 13
    Paniagua says:

    At least you know where you are with a Fox. Unlike a politician.

  14. 14
    fan says:

    meaningless drivel

    what is important is the pope resigning to become the new chelsea manager

  15. 15
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Hold on. What happens if it is a gay fox?

    Can’t be nasty to him then, can you?

  16. 16
    Nonces r Them says:

    Nazi p*do protecting pope quits!

  17. 17
    The Stilton Eater says:

    Proof someone ghost writes all this guff.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Bojo’s column was using the fox as a metaphor in another of his pro immigration propaganda pieces.

    Bojo’s a fool, a learned fool but a fool nonetheless.

  19. 19
  20. 20
    Bugler Bert says:

    At least he has the guts to ssay it is time to go – as the spirit is willing but the body is past it……….. that is something for the Beast of Bolsover to think about – if his brain is not too rotted.

  21. 21
    Reynard the foxy one says:

    You call us Vermin and Pests and you call for a cull, Then answer me this, You call your MP’s Vermin and Pests. Yet no call for a cull of the HoC.

  22. 22
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    It’s all down to Walt Disney. He’s the one who made everyone think animals were “cute.” A fox ain’t nuthin’ but a feral dog with a better coat; can’t really tame ‘em, don’t want ‘em anywhere near your food stores, nasty mean when they’re starving, not very friendly when they’re not. Animals are animals, folks, that’s why they behave as they do. It’s ALL clever editing on the telly when they seem to be doing something “anthropomorphic.” It just might be we have enough similar behaviours based on, for lack of a better word, “instinct,” why we and they might share some traits.

    Just remember the frog and the scorpion: “You knew what I was capable of.”

  23. 23
    honesty in not the best policy says:

    Fkin city dwellers know everything about nothing, then they bring laws out to save our cuddly foxes and forget foxes are wild animals and they quickly breed and will go and hunt for food to live, the dwellers get upset when the cuddly little animal does something wrong when it’s out looking for food, it has to compete for everything just like were going to experience with the millions of Romanians next year with over crowding, health, life, but not jobs.

  24. 24
    Catholic priests around the world says:

    Who will cover up our child r*ping crimes now??!!!!

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    gay foxes have outsmarted the hetro foxes.

  26. 26
    Raving Loon says:

    We happily kill rates as vermin and pests in their thousands, but as soon as we mention “fox” we have to act like they’re sacred cows (at the risk of possibly mixing my metaphors).

    Fox are vermin, large rats if you will. A cull is too far perhaps, but if they’re on your land then shoot them.

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    all evidence should go via proper channels.
    the highway police is ever watch.in.

  28. 28
    Who'd have thought says:

    I presume the Vatican already phoned up Pope Benedict’s successor and asked him to be ready, Pope Tony Bliar, doesn’t really scan, save us a fortune on security if they were daft enough .

  29. 29
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Round here, it is the deer that cause a problem. Lovely fluffy darling animals they are too, especially coming through your windscreen at 30 mph.

  30. 30
    Pope Rat-zinger says:

    I’m stepping down so I can spend more time with my Nazi Youth memorabilia.

  31. 31
    Peter Bone says:

    Wow. We could be getting a black Pope. And you thought gay marriage was a trip…

  32. 32
    Fox Watch says:

    People should be aware that anti-freeze is extremely dangerous to foxes, and other wildlife.

    Anti-freeze, which contains ethylene glycol, which has a very sweet aroma and taste, and is extremely appealing to foxes, dogs and cats.

    If ingested it will usually kill, fairly slowly but definitely.

    This is why spills should be cleaned up diligently if they occur.

    Anti-freeze should not be used as a solution of dealing with urban fox problems as it is illegal and can harm pets.

  33. 33
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Face it – I look good in hats. I wave really well and I could drive the heck out of the Popemobile.

  34. 34
  35. 35
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    I am Papabile.

    Well a bit.

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    who did d.is.knee work for.

    he for sure inverted the fundamental of human technology by subverting the truth about

    pinnichio nose has subverted the power of the sacred om.

    clearly black is white folks have ambitions beyond imagination. all truth in plain site.
    in the beginning was the sound and it….as said above. the longer the o sound the more grounded and protected one becomes…and the more visible reality is . all else is an illusion created by the workers of the sub.conscious.

    The reality is so simple even a child will grasp it…when taught correctly.

  37. 37
    Pryce Defense says:

    ** Sobs **
    And then he held a fox to my head and told me to sign…
    ** Sobs **

  38. 38
    Alan Rusbridger, pianist says:

    Today I will be mostly playing excerpts from The Cunning Little Vixen by Janacek.

  39. 39
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    If the fox had bitten a relative of an MP, something would be done – and quickly.
    The rest of us have to be thankful for the crumbs the MP’s throw us.

  40. 40
    Andy Burnham says:

    I deny the allegation that I fed the body parts of culled patients to foxes in order to help boost the population.

    Just because they are read, does not mean they vote Labour.

    Look at our record on Squirrels !

  41. 41
    Black Madonna says:

    You joke !

  42. 42
    Sir William Wade says:

    Politician -v- fox: the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable (as dear Oscar remarked).

  43. 43
    Just Asking says:

    Why is this country stuffed to the gills with absolutely useless quangos like the Food Standards Agency, staffed by hugely-paid nonentities? And whenever they are asked why they are so useless at doing their jobs, they always blame “cutbacks”.

  44. 44
    Vikki Souvlaki Thessaloniki says:

    I’m just a helpless woman being bullied.

  45. 45
  46. 46
    Tachybaptus says:

    According to the prophecy of St Malachy, the next pope will be the last one. The chronicle ends:

    Benedict XVI: Gloria oliuæ.
    Glory of the olive. (Ratzinger’s order has an olive branch in its coat of arms.)

    Next and last pope: In perſecutione extrema S.R.E. [= Sanctae Romanae Ecclesiae] ſedebit / Petrus Romanus, qui paſcet oues in multis tribulationibus: quibus tranſactis ciuitas ſepticollis diruetur, & Iudex tremẽdus iudicabit populum ſuum. Finis.
    In the extreme persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit / Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep in many tribulations; when they are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful Judge will judge his people. The end.

    (There is some dispute about whether this last entry is one or two items, because it is divided into two paragraphs where I have put the / above.)

  47. 47
    Who'd have thought says:

    If that did happen then the LibLabCon fluffy triangle will be scared the sh*tless, they would scared to death losing all their troughing rites and have to work for what they get paid to do, it will be a nasty vicious fight with some very nasty words thrown about if it looks as if UKIP is going to win, must go out and buy some popcorn and a few beers for that one.

  48. 48
    Andy "Maybelline" Burnham says:

    Does my bum look big in this?

  49. 49
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    I wonder if Tony Blair is in the running. Pope Tony has a certain je ne sais quoi about it.

  50. 50
    Vicarious joe. says:

    So we now have a new big distraction to keep the stupid obsessed, this will rumble on into the Pope’s election, ohhhhh, how interesting that will be, I just can’t wait.

    I can’t think of anything more important right now *thinks* nope, foxes are the most important thing, because no children are ever injured in any other way at all, not by cars – so we don’t need to ban them – not by toys – so we donneed to ban them – not by anything.

    I’m going to watch how this very important thing devlope 24/7 on all the media I can lay my hands on.

  51. 51
    Lucian says:

    Since hounds have more sensitive noses than foxes, the problem can be solved by summon the Quorn to Bromley for a baby cull, thus stripping the foxes of their prey.

  52. 52
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    What are you trying to say? Please make yourself clear.

  53. 53
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    …and St Malachy came from?

  54. 54
    Labourunionsbbc we are one under the EU says:

    Big state, gettingt biger all the time. Sorry, correction 2 big state’s getting bigger all the time. (forget the EU)

  55. 55
    Pope Rat-zinger says:

    To nonce or not to nonce, that is the commandment.

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    scorpion always has a score to settle..they just cannot help it….scorpio sun sign is just that …they want every ounce of you. when did the i.z.z.a.r.d become his mate.
    they must have a weakness for my.mate. marmite produces the opposite vibrational result …. it is part vibrational as mar produces the vibrational/emotional force we feel when we are physical beeaten harshly and mite..might is perceived by another part of the brain.

    is marmite a product of the half human half animal kingdom. we are all god’s creation..even the score.pion for ultimately he also gets that illness of the mind such as a stroke…no doubt the gods on earth have a solution but not much that appears to be real is that.

  57. 57
    Engineer says:

    It’s not true. You can eat fox. They’ll be making guest appearances in Findus lasagne shortly.

  58. 58
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Just what is keeping Burnham and Johnson from resigning. Labour need to take a lead, and show some morals.
    Cameron cannot keep apologising for labour’s errors. Come on Miliband show the one nation of yours what you really stand for. Sack Burnham and Johnson

  59. 59
    Anarchists In Blazers says:

    They should put them in frozen Lasagna, maybe even give us a fox and hound variety. They’re already doing it with mints. I get paid by the EU to write this sh it.

  60. 60
    Jimmy's Rightie Quote Of The Day says:

    “One day I didn’t have enough money when I came to the ATM to pay for £1.80 parking here”

    Maria Hutchings. Tory candidate in Eastleigh, knows the real meaning of poverty.

  61. 61
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    Pope Blair of Liar.
    What do you think?

  62. 62
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    We can have a Pastafarian celebration.

  63. 63
    A Catholic says:

    Huhne would be less offensive.

  64. 64
    Pope Tony Blair Elect says:

    I’m ready for my calling.

  65. 65
    keredybretsa says:

    Foxes are smart vermin. They don’t stop and say ‘look at those cute sweet human beings’. Instead they take over on the rubbish clearing front. Some misinformed people may well put out food to encourage them into their gardens which are soon turned into fox toilets! Strange that they are treated with more regard than rats.

  66. 66
    (I don't need no doctor) says:

    How many points would he need to get elected?

  67. 67
    A Disilusioned Catholic says:

    Any idea what odd’s Paddy Power / Ladbrokes are giving on successors ?

  68. 68
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Georg Ratzinger said his brother was having increasing difficulty walking and that his resignation was part of a “natural process.”

    “His age is weighing on him,” the 89-year-old said of his 85-year-old brother. “At this age my brother wants more rest.”

  69. 69
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Better to shoot them than let them die a slow and very painful death. Poison is not the way to do this.

  70. 70
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Oi Rustbucket! Play “Fox On The Run”– and play it on the run!

  71. 71
    Owin Jones says:

    Thank God the Pope resigned during Murnaghan. Thought of Kay Burley grappling with nuances and subtleties of Canon Law ain’t a good one.

  72. 72
    Well it's a thought says:

    The people of Britain are doing the calling st Tone but they are calling you, they want you to do their first calling, by going to the Court of Human Rights at the Hague and giving yourself up for starting an illegal war with Iraq.

  73. 73



  74. 74
    Is Kay a Left Footer? says:

    Yes but Kay is a zillion times more intelligent than the lefty luvvies that the BBC employ BBC contract to read their news.

  75. 75
    Tachybaptus says:

    Armagh. He was the Archbishop.

  76. 76
    it's later than you think says:

    that’s like a papal dodgy dossier

  77. 77
    Tachybaptus says:

    Paddy Power has made Cardinal Peter Turkson of Ghana the favourite to replace the 85 year old Benedict XVI at 9/4.

    You see?

  78. 78
    Con Artists says:

    Exactly right, Boris is a cheating unfaithful bully boy fool who also happens to be posh, Turkish and pro immigration and everything EU.

    His article was pro immigration propaganda and should be revealed for what it is.

  79. 79
    Jimmy Hendrix says:

    Foxy Lady.

  80. 80
    Lardarse Prescott says:

    I’m weighing on my age.

  81. 81
    Con Artists says:

    Its the j#w and moosie foxs you have to worry about, always pissing on each other’s turf

  82. 82
    Col Nut says:

    The Pope’s hat looks like a bell end.

  83. 83
    Col Nut says:

    Boris may appear cuddly and romantic but he is also a pest and a menace, particularly in our city.

  84. 84
    The Third Way doesn't work either says:

    Yeah! OK. Saw that too. But don’t look for smoke coming out of his chimney… ;-)

  85. 85
    St. Tone says:

    No chance. St.Peter’s fixed it for me.

  86. 86
    HenryV says:

    One fox bites one child’s toe. How many children today are going to die on the roads? How many children are going to die or continue to suffer because of neglect?

    The West will fall because it ignores the big problems that are with us day after day and only concentrate on the sensational. And then only for a second before we are distracted by the next thing.

  87. 87
    Dead Deer says:

    Sorry about that.

  88. 88
    Sir William Wade says:

    This Malarky cove wouldn’t happen to be a climate scientist by any chance?

  89. 89
    St. Tone says:

    Slotgob — pay attention.

    I divorce thee
    I divorce thee
    I divorce thee

    Right. that’s you out of the way Muzzie style, you ugly cow. Vatican here I come.

  90. 90
    Sir William Wade says:

    On average:

    1. 0.15

    2. Insufficently defined question.

  91. 91
    Mother Nature says:

    I’ve got a couple virus mutations all ready to deal with 99.9% of you fucking wasteful destructive humans. You are an evolutionary dead end. Foxes and rodents will rule O.K.

  92. 92
    Dan Brown says:

    I’m rushing to my typewriter , there has to be some mileage in this!

  93. 93
    Nature watch says:


  94. 94
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Because the UK is the only European country who plays by the rules.

  95. 95
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Thank you for your expression of sympathy. Your sister provided a first class banquet for all our family and friends.

  96. 96
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    There was a call for a cull of the HoC but they voted against it last week. It was cunningly disguised as a boundary revision in the hope that none of them would be able to see through it. Have to try something a bit different next time (like the use of high explosives in the cellar).

  97. 97
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    Better switch to Bovril then.

  98. 98
    Better use a diffeent name says:

    oops, posting too quickly – try again

    …. or Vegemite

  99. 99
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    ..as are the thought police.

  100. 100
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    Like squirrels – rats with good PR

  101. 101
    Curly says:

    Is one Medici not enough for you lot already?

  102. 102
    Moishe Bliar says:

    Oy vey, vat I can do if I get de top job!

  103. 103
    'arry Carpentry says:

    He’s trying to delay the onset of rigor mortis by the sound of it.

  104. 104
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    Was it a 5000 quid fox fur coat dear?

  105. 105
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    “read” ? Pardon?

  106. 106
    Igor Onlywunball says:

    They all merely serve the purpose of separating the Minister from his proper responsibilities.

  107. 107
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    The extreme persecution (prosecution?) may have something to do with abusing youngsters. If all the priests are in jail who will dish out the wine and biscuits on a Sunday?

  108. 108
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    Is Barrasso a Catholic?

  109. 109
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    … and Liam Fox?

  110. 110
    Catty Comment (Ms) says:

    If you read the Grauniad carefully, you would know they already do.

  111. 111
    Anonymous says:

    round here they’re so stupid i’ve seen them run into parked cars. If you’re quick and have a knife handy (me officer? never! ) its venison super for weeks.

  112. 112
    2112 says:

    As a schoolboy Ed Miliband was once asked to write an essay on poverty:
    “The mother was poor, the father was poor and even tha butler was poor.”

  113. 113
    Old Grumpy says:

    The problem with all these pronouncements about Urban Foxes, in fact ANY Fox, is that most haven’t a clue what they’re talking about!………. Bluddy Townees!……..

    Like any wild animal, they will not go where they do not feel safe………. so that’s the first rule!……….. Don’t bloody feed ‘em and that means not dropping Big Macs on the pavement!………

    Make them unwelcome in your gardens!……. Movement activated beepers and shiny metal strips hung on hedges and fences are normally sufficient……… and, if confronted, run at ‘em screaming and waving your arms!……… humane enough and effective!

    They come into houses because idiots like C. Packham feed the bloody things!……. So what do people expect?……… Make feeding foxes a CRIMINAL OFFENCE!!!!!!!!!!……..

    They’ll soon bugger off……..

    The Germans have been chasing them out of cities and towns for years (No. 1 rabies carriers you see!). They seldom see a fox in urban environments and whent they do they call out the Polizei, Fire Brigade, Nanny McGee and all!……… and send ‘em back to some remote forest!

    We should try that here!

  114. 114
    Dougie says:

    AFAICS Boris is precisely correct. I can remember only two reported cases in recent years of a baby being attacked by a fox, i.e. once in a blue moon. Equally, there is no evidence that I’m aware of of foxes attacking cats, which is the thrust of Boris’s article.

  115. 115
    Clueless In Gaza says:

    We’re not allowed to hunt the blighters so let the smartasses in the gnome office sort it out!

  116. 116
    Clueless In Gaza says:

    …excuse me while I kiss her thighs….

  117. 117
    Clueless In Gaza says:

    By Jove I think you’ve got it!

  118. 118
    Kinder Egg Toy Builder says:

    Looks like Boris is at it again (from Tom Winnifrith) http://tinyurl.com/aaunggz

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