January 28th, 2013

Private Eye: News Two Weeks Past Its Sell-By-Date

Shome mishtake, shurely? Over the last few weeks Guido has become increasingly irritated by Private Eye’s shameless pilfering of stories that had previously appeared on this blog. Every two weeks Guido picks up his copy of the Eye, every two weeks we see more and more of our stories recycled on their pages. So, from now on Guido will be taking out his red pen and revealing just how far behind the news Lord Gnome’s rag is. A two-week news-cycle just doesn’t cut it in the age of news streams.

Last Friday’s Eye, issue 1332, ran an interesting story about a member of the Guardian’s staff being gagged for anonymously posting comments about Alan Rusbridger. Four days earlier Guido had exclusively run the same comment in full. And what of that little nugget about new Trinity Mirror boss Simon Fox being the former chief executive of doomed HMV? MediaGuido and the Sun’s business editor were all over it ten days before…

Even more outrageous was the Eye’s claim to have “revealed” the news that Evgeny Lebedev had bought iPads for the entire Standard staff but nothing for those at the Indy. It was reported on MediaGuido in mid-December, and they even used our “downstairs” line. Meanwhile Alan Rusbridger forgetting he is editor-in-chief of both the Guardian and the Observer was reported by Guido eleven days before it appeared in the Eye.

They were once the cutting edge of political gossip, nowadays their news is two weeks past their sell-by date…


261 Comments

  1. 1
    Badgers everywhere says:

    Shurely shome mishtake Mr Hishlop

    • 12
      Lard Pressclott of Beams, Bellies, Banjos, Bulimia, two bog seats, two Jags & Shags. says:

      imitation is the sincerest form of fattery ( sic ) (sick )

    • 16
      D'Jango says:

      Hasn’t Hislop gone from being l’enfant terrible to the grand dame of niche news….

    • 18
      Anonymous says:

      Nearly one in six small or medium-sized businesses is at ‘high risk’ of going under in 2013.

      The latest small business risk index from insurer Zurich shows the pressures firms are under.

      Some sectors are much worse than others, with 21 per cent of retailers claiming to be at risk in the last quarter of 2012, up from 12 per cent in the third quarter.

      Nearly a quarter of small and medium-sized IT and telecoms firms say they face insolvency in the next 12 months, up from 11 per cent in the third quarter, while 37 per cent of construction-related firms believe they are at high risk, up from 33 per cent.

      Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/money/news/article-2269171/Retailers-IT-specialists-builders-say-risk-insolvency-rising.html#ixzz2JIHnvR90
      Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

      • 46
        Dave the dud says:

        Don’t worry were building a big train line to the north part of the airstrip one region of the EUSSR, and that will help these small business in 2020 (just after the referendum) for 30 billion (now).

        Barroso said it the right thing to do.

        • 51
          Anonymous says:

          How much the train ticket will cost? Will I get change for £1,500?

          • The tit in no. 10 says:

            It will cost the same as a regular fare – which means that regular fares are going to go through the roof to pay for HS2.
            You know it makes sense.
            Toodle pip !

          • Stupid taxpayer says:

            only 26 million income tax payers, so it’ll cost you £1,300 before you get a ticket, and that figure will rise unless politicians have suddenly stopped lying.

      • 151
        CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

        >with 21 per cent of retailers claiming to be at risk

        Well the state could do something about shifting taxes from trade based to the rental value of land based that would lower shops tax bill and increase purchasing power.

        • 186
          Anonymous says:

          Cameron and Samcam are expected to worth over 30 million, a lot is land value. How much do you think he will tax themselves?

          Then there are loads of leasehold properties where ground rent is around £25 a year, where do you want these landlords to find money?

    • 23
      lojolondon says:

      I have stopped my subscription to Eye since I saw how Hislop was getting more airtime on the BBC – how could he be impartial??

    • 255
      JabbaTheCat says:

      The only way to get the message across to Hislop is to hit him in the wallet. Upload Private Eye to the Pirate Bay for the next twelve months with a bi-weekly Guido Media file pointer…

    • 260
      Border Terrier says:

      True to form. Hislop makes a ton of money from sneering and thieving copy. Charmless statist who shamelessly brown noses the BBC.

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    You’re right

  3. 3
    Oh not again says:

    I stopped buying that bag of arse when it became less controversial than the Dandy and Hislop morphed in to another BBC employed clone.

    • 114
      T'old Fella says:

      Don’t sit writing on hear and moaning about the slow news in P-E, write a letter to Hislop telling him to stop pinching your words of wisdom from 2 weeks previously and can you appear Have I got News for You., they might write back that they only publish fortnightly and you can publish daily, they might even even give you a slot, no all your fans on here will be hanging your every word.

    • 259
      Welsh activist says:

      + 1 fecking thousand. His behavior on HIGNFY defending Aljabeeba re: Saville was disgraceful.

  4. 4
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Aha, Guido’s flushed them out! That Hislop’s on the run now and will be ducking for cover to avoid more red ink.

  5. 5
    Owen Jones says:

    If a right wing political blogger and a politician were drowning and you only had time to save one of them… would you a] go shopping or b] see a movie?

    • 14
      Joss Ayinglike says:

      I’d throw you in, ‘cos we know you like buoys.

    • 99
      Andrew Efiong says:

      A right wing political blogger is self-reliant and able to swim, leaving others to enjoy the movie. As for Guido, as the undisputed king of the British political blogosphere he can probably walk on water.

      By contrast leftist blogs would wait for Labour HQ to approve their swimming and then seek subsidised swimming lessons whilst wasting time and money along the way.

      • 101
        Robert says:

        Leftist types like Owen Jones drown in their own self-pity.

      • 116
        T'old Fella says:

        With Guido’s superflous he would not be able to sink

      • 137

        @ Mr Efiong

        You missed the free paper that costs the best part of £1m a year to produce to tell the world at large that the swimming pool was made possible by Labour generosity, itself an oxymoron as it is our money that will repay the debt they incurred!

        The bastards make us pay for their propaganda.

        • 239
          Catty Comment (Ms) says:

          But you have to purchase the Star on Sunday if you want an improper gander….

  6. 6
    Gog says:

    Theirs is investigative journalism.
    This blog is just, well, tittle tattle.

    • 8
      Baby Boomer says:

      Not when it started. Mainly gossip, that’s now moved here. ‘Investigative Journalism’ is probably what’s killing it

      • 15
        Anonymous says:

        Killing it? Its sales are very high, and have actually been on the increase in the last couple of years.

  7. 7
    Baby Boomer says:

    Sad. I used to feel very revolutionary buying it in the university bookshop in the olden days.

  8. 9
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    We buy it for the real stories at the back, not the fluff at the front. Whereas we read Mr Fawkes for the fluff – good fluff, but fluff all the same.

  9. 10
    rumpleforeskin says:

    Considering Eye’s place in the history why don’t you give them a break ? Hardly hurting you is it ? and maybe if you are friendlier they might reciprocate.

    • 17
      Tachybaptus says:

      Reciprocate how? By giving Guido fortnight-old stories to run on his blog?

    • 30

      And Rover used to make good quality cars.

      Barely in our living memory though.

      • 45
        rumpleforeskin says:

        I had that V8 rover police car thing in white once, I would come up behind somebody and they would slow down making overtaking easier

        • 54

          Was that before or after you turned the blue flashing light on? ;-)

        • 57
          rumpleforeskin says:

          I think it had some sort of leveling on the suspension as I had a puncture on the rear once and never really noticed any difference until I got the 2 miles home ( as I had no way to pull over anyway).

          • I remember when young a senior work colleague (hell, everyone was senior to me in those days!) having a Rover 2000 and I would occasionally get a lift.

            It was the most luxurious car I had ever driven in at the time – until a year or so later a friend let me drive his Rolls Royce because he had become totally legless.

          • I remember when young a senior work colleague (hell, everyone was senior to me in those days!) having a Rover 2000 and I would occasionally get a lift.

            It was the most luxurious car I had ever drіven in at the time – until a year or so later a friend let me drіve his Rolls Royce because he had become totally legless.

          • Mornington Crescent says:

            Indeed, foreskin. The P6 had the superb De Dion suspension:
            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/De_Dion_tube

            Totally agree with your comments on the Eye, too. I don’t see why our host is complaining about Lord Gnome’s organ which is still a far more complete read than here.

          • Seaba says:

            We know the type.

          • Seaba says:

            (That was directed towards SC.)

          • Catty Comment (Ms) says:

            Although I no longer subscribe, I totally agree with Mornington Crescent. Guido should stop being so “huffy” {gedit?}

  10. 11
    Paul Merton's obligatory impression of Prince Charles says:

    Garden Forks seems miffed by their “salad-dodger” tag a few weeks ago.

  11. 13

    Deadeye press no longer?

  12. 20
    Gog says:

    I could never understand why they were so hostile to Assange.

  13. 21
    Gog says:

    I gather that Cliff Richard is on tour in New Zealand.

  14. 22
    rebekah aka nellnewman says:

    A small dead tree press dinosaur struggling to survive in this internet age of instant 24 hour, round the clock, news.

    It’ll go the same way as woolworths.

    • 130
      T'old Fella says:

      They might decide to do a proper online version with daily updates on stories, the printed version could then be the written record or compendium. Hislop knows that they have to check any story before publishing or else, that didn’t stop Cptn. Bob from taking writs out though.

  15. 24
    Terrible But True says:

    Careful, cross one of their own and as Fatty Pang alluded, there will be ‘consequences’.

    Already the funny men at HIGNFY are doubtless penning some barbs for the ‘not so funny men any more’ in front of the camera to read out, as they did when the Daily Mail presumed to mention the BBC in dispatches without due deference.

    Satire in the wrong hands simply becomes another tool of propaganda.

  16. 25
    Brown out and pay me damages. says:

    Never accept the unacceptable. Guido should be acknowledged or rewarded for his input.

  17. 26
    Shocked of Sheen says:

    Huhne Trial for next monday announced on BBC 1800hrs. Is there a big fat injunction in place anymore?

    • 33

      Judge Judy said… NO!

      Where does Leveson stand on super-dooper-scooper injunctions?
      Did Brian mention them at all.

    • 47
      Dopey "Newscaster" says:

      There was a convenient loss of sound when Huhne’s terrible crimes were listed by the nerk-on-location. No clarification but a quick jump into a long story about a cute baby falling into the sea and then being fished out, complete with full pix and interviews. Current breaking news: Pride and Predjudice published 200 years ago.

      • 136
        Casual Observer says:

        Don’t worry, Private Eye are going to repeat the Pride and Prejudice story next week, possibly with a mis-informed joke about it coming out on ITV in a few weeks time.

        • 147
          Tay King-dePisse says:

          It is a truth universally acknowledged.
          Now, if only Private Eye had some Sense and Sensibility…
          Would Persuasion do any good?
          N-a-a-h-h-h, probably won’t do Sweet Fanny, but that’s the Pryce you pay for trying.
          Do you want to put our Mr Wycombe (dunno if real spelling gets mod-ded) on it? Ah yes Dear Mr Wycombe, ever the victim!

  18. 28
    keredybretsa says:

    Bitchy Guido!

  19. 29
    Danny Alexander says:

    If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

    • 36
      Alan Sugar, Lord of the Dance says:

      Is there a product somewhere in there, Danny? Or are you just another posh little twit in marketing who’s full of shite?

    • 143
      Eric Pickles says:

      Prezza an I are working on it, believe me.

  20. 31

    The humour is still good though.

    They ran a cartoon that took the piss out of multiple personality schizophrenic people.

    The following week amongst the letters was one about how taking the piss out of unfortunate people was beneath contempt and how they were going to cancel their subscription.

    And another, much in the same vein that said..

    “When I read you article about sufferers of multiple personality disorder I was so angered and sickened that I wrote an email cancelling my subscription to your squalid rag. But I read the article on multiple personalities again half an hour later and found it the funniest and cleverest piece of writing ever, and immediately took out a subscription to your magazine.”

    And if that’s not your thing then David Cameron as Lord Crawley, Earl of Grantham in Downturn Abbey is a parody so perfect it hurts.

    • 35
      Gog says:

      I think the Guardian has it just right with the condom head.

      • 81
        Tachybaptus says:

        A running gag that is hysterically funny to a tiny in-group of lefty bigots, and totally incomprehensible to everyone else.

      • 86
        Badgers everywhere says:

        fraid not … guardian humour would be classified as simple abuse anywhere else but lefties seem to revel in simple name calling then they feel smug about being such wits. they are to be pitied.

  21. 32
    Simon Harley says:

    They don’t seem to be fans of you, Guido. A few months back they published a letter which smeared you and nothing else. Some years ago I had to correct a story they did on Derek Draper which they managed to lift, poorly, from your site (they did have the good grace to publish the letter, though.)

  22. 34
    Iwantthetruth says:

    Private Eye may not be perfect but it is the only paper with the guts to print the truth. What other paper/magazine does that these days. We need it now more than ever, along with Guido.

    • 38
      Gog says:

      I buy the Eye, but I don’t believe they publish half of what they know.
      There are much braver people on the Internet.

      • 88
        Tachybaptus says:

        The Internet allows you to be ‘brave’ because it allows you to be anonymous, offshore or hidden. Private Eye is tied to the spot and can be sued, as it has been; or raided by the police; or, in an extreme case, forcibly closed and its employees jailed. All these things have happened to magazines in countries with authoritarian governments — which is just the way our government is heading.

        • 132
          Airey Belvoir says:

          Amen. Private Eye does a good job.

          • NE Frontiersman says:

            Except for their very strange behaviour – which Guido noticed – about Common Purpose; going out their way to draw attention to their claim that there was nothing worthy of attention. Hislop repeated the point on HIGNFY. You’d think that PE would be all over Common Purpose (whose website now has a specific rejoinder to ‘conspiracy theories’, and a very clear threat to sue people who spread them).

            Apart from that, PE is the only place that publishes lowdown on local government corruption, and it’ll get my sub as long as it does, despite its rather tired format.

      • 159
        Blowing Whistles says:

        + 1000′s there Gog.

        Have read all the comments above – too many to reply to.

        They – the PE gang – know and “HAVE KNOWN” (yes I am shouting loud and clear) – so much which they “have IGNORED” for “years” – which is their undoing INNIT Mr Ian’s an establishment sloppy?

        • 176
          Anonymous says:

          I will shout too. They knew before the ultimate price was paid for the corruption.

          It seem they only print harmless stories. No one touches the real stories as they are too far off base for anyone to believe. The public can only comprehend a story if it is worked up to over a long period.

          The time will come. The evidence does not degrade.

      • 161
        George III says:

        It isn’t about bravery but rather freedom of the press. The press is only partially free as Tachybaptus eminently describes, in its written expression.

        The net is truly free, if used correctly, which is the difference. However irresponsible publishing here is providing weight to those who prefer censorship in order to cover the exposure of their nefarious misdeeds.

        Guido may do well to hire a better cartoonist though, as true publishing freedom only exists in that domain.

  23. 37
    Donald Trump, Lord Golfcart of Aberdeen says:

    Hello, I’m Donald TRUMP and I’m SUCCESSFUL.

  24. 41
    CYNICAL OLD MAN says:

    I have a serious question for Guido:-

    As proprietor of this blog site, how long are you going to allow the YouTube spammer, known by regulars as “Toxic Taff” , to single handedly disrupt -and eventually destroy – your blog with his pointless and witless posts?

    Yesterday’s thread is a typical example. After spending what seemed an eternity accessing the comments section, I saw a total of 270 plus postings. About three quarters of those postings were from the nationalistic Welsh idiot posting under multiple user names – even having nonsensical conversations with himself.

    This idiot is obviously a troll who seems determined to prevent any useful debate or even good natured banter between other posters. Everything this idiot posts has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic of any individual thread or even any comment others may make.

    For heaven’s sake,for the good of this site, this prick needs to be blocked from posting his irrelevant videos and comments.

    • 50
      Lord Charles says:

      He has posted here for a long time but under different identities, both male and female.

    • 56
      Prescott's chipolata says:

      Hear hear

    • 64
      Everyone else says:

      And so say all of us.

    • 72
      Troll Watch says:

      Limiting the number of ‘tube posts could help, or modify the site such that the embedded ‘tubes are displayed collapsed. From what I have seen, seems to be more than one when it really gets going, and the only reason for posting all those vids is to make the blog unusable.

      • 85
        rumpleforeskin says:

        just not embedding the youtube would solve the problem me thinks

        • 91
          rumpleforeskin says:

          I think what really screws up the 3G connections is the constant referrals to other servers (I was thinking about running local DNS). possible one solution would be some sort of a script that grabbed the posts’ youtube URL’s descriptive image and copied it to your server then served that as a low quality image as a link. there are so many connections going on these days between servers exchanging data for any http request that it is a wonder anything works at all.

          • Troll Watch says:

            Agreed: The tweets I think are also partly to blame.

            The embedding is very useful when relevant though, many which others have posted here have found worthwhile. But not the ones we are speaking about here.

            Leaving the freedom to do so is good, but such that it doesn’t totally mess up for people as you describe is the way forward.

            The only solution at present (one I use) is to have the plugins disabled by default option in Chrome switched on. But, still get a hammering when a lot of tweets put in, and that’s on a fast broadband.

            Local DNS would help, but if you are going to do that you should also put on a Squid proxy as well. There is a script out there which will allow that to cache the ‘tube vids: Then you only get clobbered once.

            But that is not going to solve the other problem which those one mobile devices face when presented with 150 inane uTube embeddings though…

          • CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

            Need a bit of Java script to do some magic.

    • 75
      E w a n m e says:

      Completely agree , darlin .

      E x . :-)

    • 87
      Universal Hiss says:

      Amen to that.

      I gave up yesterday as soon as I saw he was back. It’s fine if it’s funny but his is the ravings of an idiot.Most of it makes no sense at all.

      • 97
        Tachybaptus says:

        I wrote to Guido offering to clean Toxic Taffy’s vomit off the comments every evening when TT starts spewing but Guido is no longer functioning. It would, of course, involve me being able to access the site. He declined, and seemed to think that he had things under control. Message to Guido: sorry, you don’t, and your blog is being poisoned. My offer still stands,

        Readers can avoid any YouTube clips appearing at all — they just come out as black squares and are completely inactive. This greatly speeds up loading of the blog and its comments, though of course you can’t see YT clips that you actually want to see.

        In Chrome, click on Ξ — Settings — Show advanced settings (at bottom of page) — Privacy. Click on Content settings. Under Javascript, leave the radio button marked ‘Allow all sites …’ checked, but click on Manage Exceptions … and add ‘order-order.com’ to the list.

        For Firefox, download NoScript. If you are still using Internet Explorer, how very sad for you.

        • 111
          Gog says:

          And Opera?

        • 133
          albacore says:

          Easy with Internet Explorer (with IE8, anyway. Are they up to 9 yet?)
          Tools: Internet Options: Security: Custom Level: Scroll two-thirds of the way down to Active Scripting and click Disable.

          • Tachybaptus says:

            Yes, IE is up to version 9. Note, though, that if you install IE9 you can never uninstall it, unlike previous versions. I took one look at IE 8 and went over to Firefox immediately; but it had bugs and kept forgetting things, so I changed to Chrome, which is more or less satisfactory, and the built-in translator is good.

          • albacore says:

            After past, interesting experiences with updates, etc, I make regular C: Drive images. Thus previous, stable setups are quickly recoverable. (Data goes on separate drives from the operating system).
            By the way, if you do disable Active Scripting, you’ll have to enable it again to access some websites.

        • 158
          Universal Hiss says:

          Nell,you are quite correct.

          I typed d*r*i*v*e*l LOL!

          • rebekah aka nellnewman says:

            Ha! I knew it – I told you it would be innocuous!

          • rebekah aka nellnewman says:

            Now back to this HS 2 1 hour railway thingy from Manchester to London. Why do we need to do that!

            In Victorian times we needed to speed up the railways to get rhubarb and coal and stuff from the north to the south.

            But the railways are fast enough now for that sort of thing so why do we need to get even faster ??!!

          • rebekah aka nellnewman says:

            Oh and what fun is there travelling at 200mph? – it upsets the eardrums and gives you travel sickness and you can’t watch the passing scenery because it is nothing but a blur!!

          • Local shop says:

            We need to get it as fast as broadband or well loose out to the intra web, and that.

          • Local shop says:

            Eh, bloody postal service, that was a reply to Nell @9.52

          • Ironside says:

            I can get from Euston to Birmingham (yes I sometimes have to go there) in one hour 20 minutes in an air-conditioned carriage which is silent (‘Quiet Section’) all for the princely sum of 42 quid (off-peak, obviously).

            Can’t beat that with a stick. Why do I need to be there faster ? I just don’t know. Why not just upgrade the existing lines ? It wouldn’t cost 20 billion to do that ?

            Typically, government is looking through the wrong end of the telescope. ‘It’s the airport, stupid!’ They should be building that in the Thames Estuary NOW. Now there IS a way to create jobs and build a 21st century economy (see: Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong etc etc etc)

    • 162
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Or hopefully the fucker has died today.

  25. 44
    Charles Caleb Colton (via the Indy) says:

    Plagiarism is the sincerest form of flattery.

    • 166
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Don’t forget the press hound pack’s who – “one cue” always attack and smear anyone [especially internal dissidents] who dare to speak out against The Government of the day its oppositon / legals & Judges / politicians / Fat cats and their sort of ilk.

      They have however – been restraineD against going after me – ‘COS I GOT EM ALL BY THEIR BOLLOX.

  26. 48
    Ah! Monika 2013 +1 says:

    Iran ‘successfully sends monkey into space’

    Called Mohammed?

    • 94
      rumpleforeskin says:

      they missed a photo call propaganda opportunity there when over the monkey astronaut they said ” Iran sends J e w into space” Ok I’m kidding, harping back to the N a zzi propaganda and referencing a gorilla been hanged in Cornwall because the locals thought he was a frenchman

    • 155
      CarryHole is a stupendous Hunt says:

      I thought Islam would be held back by Flat-Eartherism common in koran reciters.

  27. 52
    Halitosis says:

    It’s funny how when the Eye ran a story about Guido taking advert cash from the Russians he claimed on twitter never to read it and now he says he gets it every fortnight. But I’m sure that has nothing to do with this bitchy little blogpost…

    If I could be bothered I would show how guido often tweets stuff after it’s already broken elsewhere. So he can’t be arguing that only the first to say it gets credit for it.

  28. 53
    Anonymous says:

    Presumably as you buy the Eye you are aware that the nominal date on the cover isn’t the day you can actually first buy it, or the print deadline.

    Typical disingenuousness to suggest that you reported the Guardian comment “4 days before”, when the Eye is available for sale usually on the Tuesday before the nominal Friday issue date.

    Taking credit for retweeting the Sun editor on the HMV story, and a mention of a Rusbringer tweet is good though. Clear exclusives there.

    • 61

      We’re not taking credit for re-tweeting – we implicitly reference the source. Unlike Private Eye. We don’t have a problem saying this is where we got the info – unlike Private Eye.

      • 170
        Blowing Whistles says:

        I have plenty of info which was given up to PE over the past 10 years – now let me see – what did they publish – ohh – absolutley Sweet FA.

        Oh dear Ian …

        • 172
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Let’s start with a Mr Clucas / Jersey / millions / a UK Accountant Mr Smailles. ‘Bang bang!’

        • 231
          NE Frontiersman says:

          Can’t speak for your case, but they told me that they could fill every page with local gov’t corruption, and still not begin to do it justice. My Council reads PE avidly and anxiously, for which I’m grateful.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Lets see how guido does verses PE on a case down at Bournemouth Crwo.n Cour.t and of the council leaders connections with the case that has been ‘adjourned’ a few times recently. The Cr.own V Anthony Ramsden et autres.

            Planning / developments / buiding sites / planning consent ….

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            BTW next mention hearing is due – Fri 1st Feb …..

  29. 55
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Too true. Sort this out Guido, you have the tools. About time you used them! Been going on for too long now.

  30. 59
    sixupman says:

    I thought I was having a bout of de ja vu!

  31. 63
    neptune says:

    There is not as much sea between authority and P.E. as there is between authority and Order-Order.

  32. 66
    VERITAS says:

    I stopped subscribing two years ago lost its edge.

  33. 76
    Riggsy Brown says:

    Should declare an interest, I guess. I ‘m a retired journo and have been an occasional Eye contributor since the late `60s. That said, some of their investigate work has been as sharp and effective as any undertaken in the UK in recent times. From Reggie Maudlin and Poulson through battles with Goldsmith and Maxwell to the more recent exposes of Vodaphone et als tax arrangements, I believe they have a established a fine record which predates Guido by decades.

    Irksome tho’ it may be, targeting The Eye/Hislop is a side issue. My take is that you’re both doing similar jobs, albeit in different mediums. Keep that spotlight on the denizens of the Westminster Village, Paul. It’s the reason I check in here several times each day.

  34. 78
    C Nelseware says:

    Why is Melanie Phillips (who ?) dissing Britain on the basis of what some LimpDumb MP has said ?
    I find her throw-away remarks grossly offensive.
    It’s not like LimpDumbs have much in the way of popular support.

  35. 83
    PeterHitchens polemic says:

    May I just say a great big thank you to Private Eye?
    Without their help I would never have been acknowledged as the kind of investigative journalist who stares through the letterboxes of middle aged men hoping to get a doorstepping scoop of them in their undies !
    Thank you Mr Hislop

    • 189
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Peter – you like PE have remained ‘silent’ on plenty of info that was brought to your attention. Not forgotten info either. Oh and proven 100%.

  36. 84

    HS2 to enter Manchester via tunnel under city BBC News

    Would it not be much easier and better to bury Manchester and run the HS2 overground?

    *takes cover*

    • 93
      Lou Scannon says:

      As someone observed earlier today, it’s supposed to go so bloody fast** that you can’t really see anything much of the countryside apart from a blur.
      How would anyone know when they’d got to Manchester ?

      
      

      **Actually, last time I checked it remained unproven that the train could ever travel safely at the claimed speeds. Has that situation changed at all ?

      • 104
        Mornington Crescent says:

        I doubt the functionaries at DafT (to use a, er, Private Eye expression) have checked, either.

        By the time this white elephant reaches Manc in 20 years’ time, MagLev technology could well be in regular reliable service, rendering good ol’ 4ft 8.5inch gauge rails history – now that is the kind of planning I’d expect from DafT.

        • 141
          who's there ? says:

          how fast is 200 miles over 20 years ? ok don’t bother I’ll work it out

        • 191
          Anonymous says:

          It is history now.

          So are foot passengers to the centre of cities. In 20 years time, if all goes to their plan we will need new cities.

          There are other North South transport issues than people. DC Power links, water etc. Why not look to solve the whole lot by finding a strip of land further to the East (if not off the coast) that will be needed when we all convert to electric cars.

          The key to travel will be getting the car the long distance while charging it. So make a train that goes from the Thames Estuary up to Edinburgh and down and across to Ireland. If we are going to reserve space for rail lines why not look at the next generation of needs.

          So please start looking at integrated transport and a backbone to this country, not yet another limited train based on 190 year old ideas.

          • Eddie Lizard says:

            So what you’re saying is that we need to destroy everything and start again – either that or start from scratch somewhere new.

      • 107
        rebekah aka nellnewman says:

        +++Sigh+++ Why this obsession with travelling everywhere so fast?!!

        Life is NOT meant to be lived like that!

        Who was it that said ‘ It is better to travel than to arrive’?

        • 119
          Lou Scannon says:

          My first thought was of Betjeman but it was Robert Louis Stevenson, apparently (Virginibus Puerisque, 1881)
          “Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour.”

          • RLS has also often been credited with Methinks the whole world is a bit queer except me and thee; and sometimes I wonder about thee.

            Can’t source it though.

          • ṘḶṢ hаs аlsо оftеn bееn сrеdіtеd wіth Mеthіnks thе whоlе wоrld іs а bіt quееr еxсеpt mе аnd thее; аnd sоmеtіmеs I wоndеr аbоut thее.

            Cаn’t sоurсе іt thоugh.

          • Lou Scannon says:

            Was RLS ever accused of writing the plays of Shakespeare, I wonder ?

        • 125
          Fishy says:

          That’s what my wife keeps telling me.

    • 115
      Devils Advocate says:

      Can someone please explain why HS2 is not going to Liverpool ?

      • 121

        Why would it need to go there?

        *deeply puzzled*

        • 129
          Devils Advocate says:

          Well, answering a question with a question is understandable in this case. But, the people of Liverpool should at least get a look in. European cultural capital and all that.

          Valid point to be raised, could also act as gateway to Wales.

          Other news: Nice picture of the other end of HS2 in this article, of which we need an update methinks:

          http://tinyurl.com/abkkymn

          + Spot the spin. He didn’t make the remarks about !srael which was a one part of the problem with the remarks which were made.

          • I look upon European cultural capital as being a junket that is awarded to places which don’t meet the mark somehow. Call me cynical but…

            Don’t get me wrong as I love the art galleries there which includes the Lady Lever Gallery at Port Sunlight and And when did you last see your father by Yeames, at the Walker, is a national treasure. But if Liverpool, why not Derby where many of Joseph Wright’s best paintings are displayed. (IMHO Britain’s finest artist ever.)

            Economically Wales is Cardiff and Swansea both in the south, the rest in those terms is at also ran level. So from Liverpool one would have to cross to the Wirral and then under yet more water to get where? Colwyn Bay? I mean I love Portmeiron, Harlech, Caernarfon and Beaumaris but there ain’t really much there at all.

            One can see the logic of the Y plan with Manchester and Leeds perhaps becoming extended to Glasgow and Edinburgh respectively but all other comers will have to connect with these points as it cannot become a branch line.

            Incidentally, I always thought Margaret Thatcher’s biggest mistake was not extending the A1(M) into Edinburgh. By comparison Cardiff (on the M4) knows it has too much to lose by cutting itself off from England and nationalism is weakest there than anywhere else except South Pembrokeshire.

          • Frank Furter (ooh, you're jealous of THIS moniker. Ha!) says:

            Couldn’t they send it from London up to the middle bit (Leeds or Birmingham?) then up to the right to Manchester (where the trains could get washed by the rain), then left to Liverpool then back down to the middle bit? A big loop. Why this Y shaped thingy? That way, all the shoplifters in Manchester and Liverpool could go backwards and forwards without having to travel south.

            Seems like an idea to me.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            To SC – Cardiff could do with a BIG FUCKING clean out – As William Shatner of Star Trek fame / infamy moves into gear …. not a craven press or media retard from the msm in sight …

            Kier Starmer – is a low-life duplicitous bar steward – who only wants to bury matters to protect the boyos.

          • Devils Advocate says:

            Agree on the mistake with the A(1)M extension.

            I think in the case of branches though, the route posted up on the Beeb site seems to show Birmingham as being on a spur.

            Liverpool wouldn’t be much to add, but the benefits could really be tremendous to that area. Very good ‘bang for buck’

            On Wales question, if the job was done properly, Liverpool -> Cardiff, and then Cardiff -> Birmingham would be on the cards. Extending up to Edinburgh / Glasgow from York, forming the Y somewhere close to the border would be smart. Joining Glasgow and Edinburgh would likely be welcome as well.

            Would be better to hold off though and do all of this with Maglev technologies though, and use trains similar to what they are running in Ch!na these days.

            Linking the major economic zones is direction I am coming from. Have no allegiance to Liverpool, but being able to go direct there fast from London would help fix a lot of issues and bad history in that town.

          • @BW

            The biggest conurbations always attract the most unseemly types. You seldom find a truly evil person out in the sticks. I realise that this may sound self-serving when I tell you that I am in a village of about 700 though!

            However, my belief is the good outnumber the bad. If I am wrong, we are all fucked anyway.

          • I can see what you are drіvіng at but Liverpool – Cardiff would present formidable problems due to terrain and would end up being almost completely tunnel – without a wide detour of the type that ruled out Heathrow from the route.

            What is never discussed is that Liverpool’s viability is threatened by Manchester being on it’s doorstep. Add to that the old distribution problem of coastal centres having a limited land footprint and it kills the idea.

            In historic times, the ports were the main route of travel, look at Argyll, before General Wade did his thing, as an example. I have another prime example some way south of me. Look at Pula on the map. It is the main town of Istria but its position is a logistical nightmare in the modern world. It is 85% surrounded by water!

            The case must stand up economically and I just don’t see how it can.

          • Not Blowing Whistles says:

            @SC : Partly in to BW’s point, some of the most evil are out in the styx, they usually just keep it very hushed up. I speak only to Wales though, but the good generally outnumber the bad.

            eg: http://tinyurl.com/4ogy35n

            @BW: Always thought K was east german, have corrected myself. His name just screams stormtrooper. Not sure why he would want to protect the ‘boyos’ other than to engage in the age old practice of UK public office of: Not rocking the boat. I know absurd for his current position, but there is precedent.

          • @NBW

            Not sure what calculus one can employ to weigh the atrocities of that link (weren’t they all ugly BTW?) against the completely different atrocities carried on at great scale in the biggest conurbations.

            My evidence is perhaps only anecdotal but when on many of the Scottish isles, I noted that the inhabitants, far from locking their doors, don’t even have locks in the first place. They still go away to Spain for two weeks and their houses could be entered by anyone – but in practice they are not.

            A funny which I am repeating is that on one such island where I stayed, Rousay, with a population of 200, I saw a visitors car parked outside a B&B with a crooklock around the steering wheel! It looked so incongruous and with the ferry only calling four times a week, it was a pointless precaution.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            NBW – there is more behind K – which to date even he does not realise -I tried the horse and water thing but you can’t tell him – anymore – he believes in some deluded bint EGmn.

      • 122
        Wormwood says:

        It has the advantage over Manchester of already having a Cavern.

      • 126
        Fishy says:

        The replacement wheels would be too expensive

      • 149
        Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

        Political Correctness. Manchester has 173 different nationalities in it’s schools. You cannot show favour to an overwhelming white area unless it’s in good solid Tory territory.

        Although on second thoughts isn’t this HS2 running through such areas?

    • 128
      rebekah aka nellnewman says:

      Can somebody please explain why anybody thinks we need to travel between Manchester/Liverpool and London in an Hour!

      What For!!

      • 131
        Huhnedini says:

        Escape ?

      • 150
        Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

        We don’t need to travel there at all now it’s Londistan!

      • 164
        Saffron says:

        Nell
        Don’t worry,this is a load of poo for political reasons and won’t happen.
        The time span is ridiculous,how many events do you think will happen in the meantime?.
        My important one would be ENERGY POLICY of which we currently don’t have a viable one for the future.
        To the bedwetters/euro loony brigade,my message is this,when we get power cuts,where will you lot run.

        • 190
          Casual Observer says:

          You are bang on the money with energy policy. That ties to the broader question of economic policy as well.

          The only long term solution for the UK is that it needs to start manufacturing and exporting again. Services are not going to cut it, and benefits won’t keep people warm if we cannot import Gas / Oil.

          Nuclear is the primary way forward for electricity. Fracking for gas. There are untapped reserves of Oil in the North Sea, but one suspects the real issue is access to light distillates.

          One suspects we may be picking up gas from Canada in the not too distant future as well, and the wholesale cost of that is coming down.

          On the Euro loony point, the sooner we are out of that and the country is doing it’s own thing, the sooner these issues and associated trade deals can be addressed and signed.

        • 203
          Anonymous says:

          They have a policy: They print money, as they have none, and give it to the country with the fuel, as they have so much.

          As long as you print less than the other chap you get to buy the fuel.

          Why have a sustainable or even self-sufficient policy when they can play on the world stage if they take part in the debt club. Having an interest in these fuel wars gets them noted in history. It is all a game to some.

          • Casual Observer says:

            At least we can save the money until winter and then burn it when things get really bad.

  37. 90
    Ian Hislop says:

    I didn’t think it newsworthy about Common Purpose’ sinister infiltration of every organisation despite them ALL BEING COMMUNISTS TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE UK BY STEALTH.

  38. 92
    Anne Summers says:

    Guess what size the butt plug is:
    http://bit.ly/T0WV1t

    The first correct guess gets a free one.

  39. 96
    Gordon Brown says:

    If you change your mind, I’m the first in line, honey I’m still free, take a chance on me.

  40. 98
    Hislopped says:

    Ian Hislop’s a churchgoing bore who lost his cutting edge years ago. That said, he did land some nice blows on Labour on last week’s Question Time.

    • 181
      Blowing Whistles says:

      It’s all designed to keep the masses ‘divided – & overruled’ by the politicalmongrels.

  41. 100
    Jumbo says:

    I was a loyal reader for decades until finally this issue I realised what a mediocre POS it really is, and noting the two tired copied stories. It is as balanced an fair as the apostrrophe king bbc

  42. 105
    BBC says:

    We’re launching our new channel, CBoobies.

  43. 110
    O.J. Thribb, age 28 1/3 says:

    So. Farewell then.
    Private Eye, you had been a force in your time.
    You had wit and sense and pix and rhyme.
    No more.
    You are a bore.

  44. 120
    Glass Eye says:

    Have Private Eye been paying their staff ? If so, paying them enough ?

  45. 124
    Brass Eye says:

    Private Eye international news is sourced from here:

    http://www.theonion.com/

  46. 144
    Emanuel Strobes says:

    My employer’s esteemed organ takes a little longer to get up to speed these days.

  47. 165

    …à propos of nothing at all…

    
    

    ****** Perversion ******

    
    

    The dead wood press don’t appear to know the difference between a speeding offence and a perverting the course of justice offence.

    Why is that?

    
    
    • 171
      Saffron says:

      Lets see what happens and then maybe you will have an answer to your question.
      Wheels within wheels,who knows who,strings and pulling,we shall see.

      • 173

        I did say …à propos of nothing at all…

        *innocent face*

      • 183
        Legal Eagle says:

        It is the distinction between ‘malum in se’ and ‘malum prohibitum’.

        This is a very important distinction.

        • 201

          Agree. Here we have iussum quia iustum.

          • Legal Eagle says:

            Prompted by too much habeas corpus. ;-)

          • Tachybaptus says:

            Cocklecarrot: Having regard to the curious nature of this case, I think there should be an appeal under article 6 of the Statute of Giminy and Bocage.
            Mr. Pass: Under Statute Law, m’lud, refraction must be proven.
            Cocklecarrot: Aye, an’ it be not proven, there is always the right of multiple cozenage.
            Mr. Honey-Gander: Ultra vires?
            Cocklecarrot: Of course. Sine die. Tutamen being implicit, with or without barratry, responderia and plonth, except in municipal law.
            Mr. Pass: And wivenage, in lieu of direct mandibility?
            Cocklecarrot: Not concurrently with external vapimenta. Merely in plenary copyhold.

          • :-) at both.

            Mr. Pass: Only the Law can tell us that, m’lud.

          • Mr Bumble says:

            The Law is a ass.

    • 182
      albacore says:

      Well, with a Parliament so perverse
      Its every move could hardly be worse
      The normalisation rule applies
      It’s taken as read they all tell lies

    • 187
      Blowing Whistles says:

      I once bagged a BRiclays Senior exec on the stand – and called him a pervert – The scourt went quiet and I followed up with how he had perverted th ecourse of justice in another matter – He remained silent as did the persecuting council. They lost.

  48. 169
    Saffron says:

    Hislopio I have watched a few times.
    He has struck me as a self opinionated asshole with his attempts to raise a laugh.
    It does not surprise me that Guido is homing in on him for pinching news items,also he does seem to be a semi beeboid nowadays.

  49. 200
    Kavanagh QC says:

    Wot not mention that The Sun didn’t get around to publishing the Rusbridger piano tidbit until today?

  50. 207
    rebekah aka nellnewman says:

    So why is it the British Press is silent tonight on the trial of the first UK minister ever to be tried in a criminal court ?

    For justice to be done it is necessary that justice is seen to be done.

    This gagging of the press by a millionaire ex minister is a gross miscarriage of justice!

    And frankly if he is found to be innocent in this ‘secret trial’ he will always be publicly judged as having ‘swung the lead’ so to speak.

    • 214
      people don't understand the english justice system says:

      You really are clueless idiots

      Not a secret trial – it starts next monday when everybody will report it

      You ever heard of the Contempt of Court Act – try reading it for fuck’s sake – defendants should get a fair trial and all that without being prejudiced by opinions of retarded conspiracy theorists???????

      I.e you can’t report stuff once a suspect has been charged, and you only report what goes before a jury.

      FFS

      • 221
        Anonymous says:

        I wish they learned it to us in schools!

        Then people would grow up knowing that there were no safe guards for the innocent.

        • 226
          people don't understand the english justice system says:

          I’m sure Mr Huhne has a very experienced lawyer defending his rights well enough already.

          Do you really think what we need is you no-brainers deciding it’s all a conspiracy and that you should be able to campaign for a verdict while the trial hasn’t even started yet….

          What’s the point of a jury in that case – let’s just ask Guido to decide as you all seem to have donated him your vote/loyalty/ass-kissing tongue

          Is he deliberately perpetuating some secret trial myth to get you to follow his blog? No…. surely not….

          Rest assured you’ll get all the legal pissing about after the verdict is in…

    • 222
      Legal Eagle says:

      The charge is very serious and a non prejudiced jury is required.

      Given the very public nature of those accused this is going to be difficult anyway.

      See Contempt of Court Act 1981, Section 2. This applies when proceedings are active. Proceedings become active when there’s an arrest, oral charge, issue of a warrant, or a summons: FYI.

      There was no gagging initially either. The for motion was to establish plea and trial date. This was required due more to the marital coercion being claimed by one of the plaintiffs. Google and note: duress, then consider DV.

      Now: I would recommend checking the CPS web site for info about perverting the course of justice and sentencing guidelines.

      This does carry up to a life term if found guilty. The court will have a difficult time determining precisely what has happened so that justice can be served fairly.

      Dig further into the DV undertones to get an understanding of how things may be biased anyway absent any undue reporting.

  51. 211
    Guido after revenge for being outed as Russki lapdog says:

    Guido nicks stories all the time and then pretends he got it elsewhere and doesn’t bother reading the places that it was in originally – maybe the Eye would use this excuse if it didn’t suck balls

    Hypocrite as usual

  52. 216
    PeterHitchens of Lloyds says:

    Excellent ad for a credit cards that ex ban krupnts can get
    Brilliant news for our host, a man with the credit rating of a Somalian ship broker

  53. 217
    Electronic Cigarette says:

    House Of Rothschild Hoarding Gold In Face Of Coming Collapse?

    http://www.prisonplanet.com/house-of-rothschild-hoarding-gold-in-face-of-coming-collapse.html

  54. 219
    Sporting Gijon says:

    The might copy the text but their cartoons are much better and “Rich and Mark’s crap MS Paint crap”

  55. 223
    Private I says:

    How’s Mr Botney?!

  56. 224
    Our Government runs the drugs and Al Qaeda says:
  57. 232
    The Great Huhnedini says:

    My Time is limited

  58. 237
    Anonymous says:

    No Newsnight on BBC Scotland tonight. Scotland got a 50-minute Newsnight Scotland special described as “members of Scotland’s ethnic communities question leading politicians on the issues raised by the referendum on Scottish independence”.
    In fact, the 99% ethnic audience and five ethnics out of six of the panel are interested only in extolling the wonderful benefits of immigration and moaning about how unfair the UK government is to immigrants. There was not even a suggestion of any possible downside of immigration never mind a need to control it. The chair of course made no attempt to correct the continual distortions and lies particularly from the SNP Junior External Affairs Minister, Humza Yousaf.
    So, just the usual BBC propaganda. Twisted b@stards!

  59. 251
    Walrus says:

    Isn’t this rather like Noel Gallagher getting upset that Macca’s latest album isn’t as good as Sgt Pepper and that it sounds a bit Oasis-y? Choose your fights carefully, Guido, there’s a lot worse out there than Hislop and you’re on the same side more often than not.

  60. 252
    tito says:

    Private Eye still far more wittier and detailed than guido I’m afraid…

  61. 253
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    http://t.co/h6X318l2

  62. 258
    Anonymous says:

    It seems they have copied every interesting news story on this blog for the last month.

    They will probably have more to copy next month as there are no elections in Israel


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Nick Clegg says:

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