January 4th, 2013

Prezza Joins the Sunday Mirror

News arrives of some welcome Sunday competition:

Guido hears it’s a high five figure sum…

UPDATE:

UPDATE II:

Seconds out…

 


149 Comments

  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    And he will still claims Lords allowance?

  2. 2
    F5 Key says:

    Leave me alone you hoon

  3. 3
    Owen Jones says:

    Tories are smearing people in work on tax credits as scroungers while they give millionaires a tax cut – I’m not standing for it

  4. 4
    Edinburgh Labour voting dogshite says:

    Ffs?

  5. 5
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    The sub editor will be in for a hell of a job.

  6. 6
    Prezza's Sub-editor says:

    I demand a pay rise for having to deal with Prescott’s copy.

  7. 7
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahagasphahahahahahah

  8. 8
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    I wish someone would smear owen with shit

  9. 9
    Chief Wiggum of Humberside designate says:

    Ey up love, take a gander at my column

  10. 10
    Mark Oaten says:

    Nom nom nom

  11. 11
    Ed Balls(Chancellor Of The Exchequer Designate) says:

    Just can’t trust the Tories on the economy at all.

    The number of retailers falling into administration in 2012 increased for the third year running, up by 6% compared with 2011, according to Deloitte.

    High street woes continued throughout the last year, which resulted in 194 retailers entering administration, compared with just 183 in 2011 and 165 in 2010. However, there was a slight fall in the last three months of the year compared to the final quarter of 2011.

    Lee Manning, restructuring services partner at Deloitte, said the figures were a stark reminder of the difficulties which continue to face the sector.

    “Constrained household budgets and the structural challenges facing the sector mean it is certain that we will see further distress next year,” he said. “Christmas trading appears to have been reasonable, though not spectacular and not enough to prevent insolvencies in the first quarter of 2013.

    Over the last year major chains such as Peacocks, La Senza, Blacks, Game, Clinton Cards, JJB Sports and Comet all entered administration. More retailers are expected to go bust this year when it becomes clear that Christmas trading and a short-lived sales boom failed to make up for another painful year.

  12. 12
    The New Garudina says:

    That’ll increase the illiteracy coefficient at the SM by a staggering amount.

  13. 13
    DR says:

    Life is already disappointing enough …

  14. 14
    Call me Dave says:

    I wish I had the balls to say this

  15. 15
    Slim Pickens says:

    Oh dear. Thats the Mirror finished then.

  16. 16
    kebabs r us says:

    “Guido hears it’s a high five figure sum…”

    All he can eat in MacDonalds & KFC.

  17. 17
    Gilbert Fiddler says:

    I know what I like in your wardrobe, sweetie…

    Oh, it’s a small key…

  18. 18
    Lard Prescott says:

    Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the ugliest of them all?

  19. 19
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    Do the mirror have a column on pies?

  20. 20
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    Well done john

    I think the sunday mirror out sells the sunday star by about 3/1

  21. 21
    SWLondonMan says:

    He only gets Luncheon Vouchers , no salary.

  22. 22
    Sunday Mirror Sub-Editor says:

    What the fuck? I want a raise.

  23. 23
    RSPCF5 says:

    We are watching you carefully.

  24. 24
    Mehdi the Intern says:

    WTF?

  25. 25
    bergen says:

    I can see his column being shown to schoolchildren every Monday morning with the instruction:

    “Now turn that into English.”

  26. 26
    Sick of Scroungers !! says:

    Another good reason not to waste money on this rag.

  27. 27
    Owen Jones says:

    No, I shall be doing the ghosting.

  28. 28
    Ruskin College Oxford says:

    John Prescott is our most famous/successful student.
    We hope he talks many times about what a great educational institute we are.

  29. 29
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    Its 2/1 the star outsells the guardian by 3/1

  30. 30
    Prescott says:

    14 pounds 3shillings and 10pence.

  31. 31
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    See Mongo Mitchell still hasnt got his job back….LOL

  32. 32
    Cheffy says:

    So John, what’s the first column title?
    The joy of pork pies?

  33. 33
    Devil's Dumplings says:

    Having had the misfortune to have to listen to him, I DO hope his public writing is better than his public speaking…

  34. 34
    John's first column, you read it here first says:

    When’s people says to me John, they says this column that’s new what you’re writing in the Mirror every week apparently I was wondering, that’s them wondering not me as the writer wondering, I was wondering if you, that’s me you understand, will you be including any memories of your, or should I say my, reminiscences of my (that’s me), my memories of the time I was a minister of the Cabinet of the government, or should I say in the Cabinet and suchlike… (etc, etc)

  35. 35
    Owen Jones says:

    Westminster Council now prohibiting the feeding of homeless people. The actual prohibition of humanity and compassion, there.

    What else do you expect from “The Nasty Party” led by David”Bottler” Cameron in the Bunker.

  36. 36
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    errrr I think not.

    Sunday Star 500K
    Sunday Mirror 1.6m

    Guardian dont have a Sunday paper

  37. 37
    Suds says:

    Sunday fucking pizza

  38. 38
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    Mongo-A monetary unit of Mongolia, equal to one hundredth of a tugrik.
    Why are you calling mitchell a monetary unit?

  39. 39
    Owen Jones says:

    We have to draw a line in the sand about Government lies on welfare.

    http://blogs.channel4.com/factcheck/factcheck-ids-tax-credit-claims-discredited/12160

  40. 40
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    Makes sense to me says ed balls

  41. 41
    ABC says:

    Are they attempting to become the new Viz?

  42. 42
    Terrible But True says:

    ‘Guido hears it’s a high five figure sum…’

    OK, that’s the annual pie rider; what about actual money?

    Maybe they saw rapporteur on his CV and figured it was just another typo?

  43. 43
    Joe Thorpe says:

    I’d have thought the Sunday Sport or VIZ was more in keeping with his intellect?

  44. 44
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    Bolloocks

  45. 45
    P.Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

    Until such time when/if you become a millionaire, then you join the ranks of those of us in the Champagne Socialists’ Cabal. They you keep shtum.

  46. 46
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    Dave needs to send Tory favourites Jim Davidson and Freddie Starr to Falklands to boost morale of the troops stationed there. The 200000 sheep however have signed a petition saying “” No “”

  47. 47
    Owned Jones says:

    What about the lies on Channel4 ? It’s lazy thinking to just take their data as accurate.

  48. 48
    michael says:

    Laird du merde.

  49. 49
    2013 is going to be bleak in sunderland as the benefit caps kick in says:

    Will this fucker ever go away!I like Boultons comment about the need for 12sub editors though.

  50. 50
    Moussa Koussa Mark 3 says:

    errrrrr

    Not according to ABC – The Audit Bureau of Circulations, the body that publish official newspaper circulation figures.

  51. 51
    Patrick Power says:

    It’s all over for David Cameron according to Ladbrokes.

    I can’t see his name on the list.

    Latest next LAB leader prices from Ladbrokes http://bit.ly/c5gpH6

  52. 52
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Pork Sword of Truth.

  53. 53
    Wotta Tossa Skid Mark 3 says:

    We certainly couldn’t send any of the Jackass Straw ‘conscientious objector’ family.
    Jackass just sends troops off into battle. He doesn’t entertain them or makes sure they’ve got the right kit.

  54. 54
    Raving Loon says:

    Does this mean we’ll not only get stock and oil price updates, but also up to the minute reporting on the price of pork pies?

  55. 55
    the general public says:

    Wtf???

  56. 56
    Another Engineer says:

    Would that be Ruskin College in Oxford but not at Oxford?

  57. 57
    R.U.Shaw says:

    Labbrokes don’t mention that they’re referring to the 2050 General Election.

  58. 58
    LARD PRESCOTT of MOUNT TRACY TEMPLE and the RIDINGS says:

    Right you ! you gert lumox
    Send in me secretary i’ll give six column inches then she can show me to the canteen
    Extra lard on that duck’s

  59. 59
    The Libor party says:

    Porky pies are free and in limitless supply.

  60. 60
    MOD Policy wonk says:

    Why do we not have Sub Editors for our Astutes?

  61. 61
    Hanukkas Bazzokas (A Greek Gentleman) says:

    Aye, love don’t ya bother yerserf that there isna many column inches, it’ll take a while but ahhh might get up to 2 or 3 inches like….

  62. 62
    Duty Pedant says:

    six column inches?

    Did you give it to her three times?

  63. 63
    Synic says:

    Garotting the little fucker would be much more satisfying.

  64. 64
    ASPCcmd-R says:

    So are we, from our HQ in Cupertino.

  65. 65
    Nick Farage nee Clegg says:

    I am relying on voter apathy in 2015

  66. 66
    Synic says:

    That’s nearly 14 guineas piggy

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    He is too thick to write his own column.

  68. 68
    Synic says:

    Do they do PPE Degrees as well? Then Presclott can be a SPADDY or an unpaid intern in Guardianista Land

  69. 69
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    He’s having it ghost written by a rather clever chimpanzee. So it should be better than his usual stuff.

  70. 70
    What a plonker says:

    Prescott is too thick to write his own column.

  71. 71
    D Cameron says:

    I shan’t buy the Mirror any longer.

  72. 72
    What we all want to know says:

    Can Prezza actually write?

  73. 73
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    Yes five figures…..five individual payments of fifty pence each, a bucket of lard and all the pies he can eat.
    Methinks the Mirror will regret offering him unlimited pies. On the plus side he’ll explode in about a week on that deal.

  74. 74
    Hanukkas Bazzokas (A Greek Gentleman) says:

    hahahaha

  75. 75
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    Well you know EXACTLY where you can stick your bottles of champagne…Lord Fondlebum of Boys…

  76. 76
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    On the positive side it’s a good thing that the Baboon known as Prezza is protituting himself with such an asswipe of a publication as the Mirror.

    I wouldn’t wrap last years fish in Mirror or wee on the Grauniad if it was on fire..

  77. 77

    Nah! That is 10/2d short.

    A fortune.

  78. 78
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Here comes Fatty with a COLUMN full of shit now?
    And he’s going to be paid <100K for it?
    Why has he sold himself out so cheaply, then? Is he that desperate, to have to take what chump change they're giving him, just to pay for all his Subway Sandwich runs?

  79. 79
    Adam Boulton says:

    I’m sick of me telling me what I think. I always do that.

  80. 80
    My dearest friend says:

    No need to go that far, he’s having it written by a stupid chimpanzee and it will still be more interesting and cogent.

  81. 81
    Raving Loon says:

    I imagine spell check is going to explode.

  82. 82
    Skorpian De Rooftrouser says:

    errrr bollocks

  83. 83
    M&S Suppliers to Lord Hull says:

    Pass me the trifle love.

  84. 84
    Toilets says:

  85. 85
    Philip McArthur says:

    Looks like the Mirror’s spell check is going to have a very confusing time.

  86. 86
    Anonymous says:

    No ……. Mr.Chu’s China Palace. Eaten through the whole menu.

  87. 87
    Prescott's chipolata says:

    Oi you! I’m looking forward to some action around the Mirror newsroom. Starting with that foxy Boniface girlie.

  88. 88
    Snotsicle says:

    I somehow doubt that Prezza managed to write that tweet all by himself. As tweets go, it is reasonably grammatical and even has an apostrophe in the correct place.

  89. 89
    Ruskin College Oxford says:

    We are an independent college not part of the university.
    Are students are like John Prescott but just alot worser than him.

  90. 90
    Hargaret Modge, Labour MP and Hypocritical serial long term aggressive Tax Avoider + expenses thief says:

    Tax credits are an asinine idea, dreamt up by a one eyed control freak moron called Brown. We pay for Civil servants to take your money then decide how much to give back to you. Which is inflexible, slow, innaccurate and bloody expensive to run. The worst possible system for the country and the users.

    Why not just take less in the first place. Cheaper smaller smarter government is whats needed. Not continuity Brownism.

    there are no Tories in the government..just fifty shades of Liberal (spit).

    Vote UKIP.

  91. 91
    Humpty Dumpty says:

    Prescott is too thick to see his own column.

  92. 92
    restore the monasteries says:

    I thought prescott was still busily working on his,much vaunted
    Ten Year Integrated Transport Policy, started in ”97…….
    (wont be buying sunday mirror).

  93. 93
    John Presclott language school says:

    Tut! Merde is feminine!

  94. 94
    By office boys for office boys says:

    3.6m audience my arse. The Mirror’s “readers” are only interested in the sports pages (not that any of the fat fuckers actually do any sport) and the Z-list celebrity news.

  95. 95
    Dr Eoin Clarke says:

    Sorry.

  96. 96
    Jhon Prscottt says:

    “its not fare the wurker is not as ritch as toffs
    rise up my brothurs and shurk of tyou chanes”

  97. 97
    To 'ull and back says:

    What a plonker says:
    January 4, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Prescott is too thick to write his own colum

    You surely mean MUCH too thick?

  98. 98
    Winner says:

    Is it a foodie column?
    Where to get the best pies, the choicest lard sandwiches, the tastiest offal pizzas?

  99. 99
    Mirror replies says:

    Dear Lord Prezza, are you dim? Don’t you know you’re looking at him?

  100. 100
    Spencer Perceval says:

    By definition Macaroon is the only person who *can’t* be the next PM, you twit.
    Hmmm, van Clegg 50/1. What is the chance of Cam doing a John Smith or catching a bullet with deputy Clegg taking over until a new leader is decided?

    Bill

  101. 101
    2112 says:

    So tell us Ed, just exactly what would YOU be doing?

  102. 102
    O/T EU Watch says:

    Looks like France is having a go at free speech on Twitter now: Never seen a french tweet, a free one could be a rarity if they get they way…

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2013/jan/02/free-speech-twitter-france

    Article good(ish, but rambling) – but the conclusion of arguing against censorship on grounds of ‘incitement’ is just a different semantics of ‘ideas’ is good.

    One suspects though that this piece, following yesterdays p@3d0 article is possibly forming a campaign to justify the notion that the idea that the objection to promoting pro-p@3d0 activities is somehow wrong.

    Looks like the Grauniad is finally coming out as the paper of choice for nonces.

  103. 103
    Popeye says:

    Yes but who will ghost write it?

  104. 104
    wtf says:

    The first 9 prospective articles are rumoured to be:

    How to play croquet
    How to look after 2 jags
    How to poke Tracey
    How to get fat
    How to be a laughing stock
    How to mangle words
    How to be a bruiser
    How to be ignorant
    How to be a waste of space
    How to emulate Shakespeare’s writing

  105. 105
    ex Grauniad Reader says:

    The Sun piece today sums up the disgraceful piece in the Grauniad yesterday:

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/justice/4725516/Sun-Justice-Campaigners-respond-to-The-Guardian-publishing-an-article-defending-child-molesters.html

    What is curious is a subtle logical contradiction of sorts in that Grauniad article yesterday which Jon Henley hacked together.

    As the Sun correctly points out, Jon continued to establish link between P@3d0’s and gays. However, Jon also alluded to fact that P@3d0’s were generally sub par intelligent and under achievers as per his source.

    The lefty propaganda on gays recently one thought was that they are mainly high achievers and usually having above par intelligence, and beneficial to society.

    This is clearly an ideological knot in the Grauniad colon, and the conclusion is that Jon Henley is a fuck-tard who should probably carry on writing for this rag as it does help in demonstrating the flaws in the left’s propaganda.

  106. 106
    Big John says:

    Anybody at the mirror I can fuc,k on my desk with my 2 incher while the missus is out?

  107. 107
    Marje Proops says:

    The Joy of Sex-with a Cocktail Sausage

  108. 108
    Marje Proops says:

    But as Mirror readers are half wits it makes it 1.5/1

  109. 109
    Comment is free says:

    Making up stuff about Millie Fowler ‘s voicemail, defending p-a-e-d-os, being old Argentinian trout face’s mouthpiece..it just gets better and better.

  110. 110
    Plagiarist Cunt says:

    Ooh look – Ed Ballocks knows how to cut and paste from the internet. Who’s a clever little fuckwit?

    http://www.accountingweb.co.uk/article/retail-administrations-soar-new-levels/535621

  111. 111
    Informed Giant says:

    Wow, even more reason to sleep in

  112. 112
    Hadrian (Emp.) says:

    saucy

  113. 113
    Hadrian (Emp.) says:

    And the pledge card promising integrated public transport by 2005. What a tosser.

  114. 114
    Hadrian (Emp.) says:

    Shortly after being elected in 1989, Vaz led a march of thousands of Muslims in Leicester calling for Salman Rushdie’s book The Satanic Verses to be banned—WIKI.

    Good to see nothing changes. Take those matches off Vaz.

  115. 115
    Hadrian (Emp.) says:

    van Klegg 50-1, chukka yermunney 20-1 ffs.

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    No doubt he will be looking for his little perk again. Think the wife will sew his flies up this time.

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    We already know what he would do;borrow more,spend more & create more non-jobs in the public sector.

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Hope you’re right Slim.

  119. 119
    Ed Milliband says:

    What we always do – tax the arse off people who actually work for a living and create wealth – as well as borrowing billions – in order to piss it about randomly and create millions of special lovely public sector jobs for special lovely people, in the hope something will be left over that resembles an ‘economy’.

    Bugger, did I just think that or actually post it?

  120. 120
    JH234739473-45 says:

    I used to be scared I would see a civil war in this country.

    Now I’m getting scared I won’t.

  121. 121
    Bri says:

    Prescott as a columnist, a dozen sub-editors and an English translator needed.

  122. 122
    JH234739473-45 says:

    I witnessed the equivalent in Peterborough.

    Disgusting backward rabble with no place on this island.

  123. 123
    Anonymous says:

    Can the Mirror be asked to confirm how many persons will be involved in the writing of Presclot’s articles under the FoI Act?
    A reasonable request considering that his inability to master English speech suggests he would be incapable of producing a written article without a great deal of assistance.
    In fact I wonder if he is capable of thinking up items about which to write.

  124. 124
    Jess The Dog says:

    Will the bloated old fool hand back any of his goldplated Westminster paid benefits, or continue to screw the taxpayer? Easy to guess which!

  125. 125
    wiggy_uk says:

    3.6m on week 1, a damned site less a year later.
    I bet hes better at getting people to stop reading papers than he was getting people to stop using cars.

  126. 126
    Lard Pissclott of Shithull says:

    Jist being givan a job riteing for the Mira.

  127. 127
    Discerning shopper says:

    I would think Prescott’s more of an Asda man really.

  128. 128
    Ahmed - for best pies in Wigan says:

    We sincerely welcome Lord Prescott to try our world shaking pakistani pies – they move tectonic plates they do.

  129. 129
    Balls Up - apprentice to Gordon Brown says:

    We are working on our shattering economic policies that will retrieve the piss poor UK economy from the inheritance of the coalition government.
    It should be ready in 2 years. Meanwhile Chaka Moneyatit and I will work on short term measures to introduce to recover the situation. Like making pointless jobs in the public sector at public expense for Labour supporters in longer term unemployment – at public expense of course.

  130. 130
    Boone Pickens says:

    No way will I invest in this Mirror rag now.

  131. 131
    BBC ear on the world says:

    Observer.

  132. 132
    Titanic Ocean Cruises says:

    We can vouch for the fact that John Prescott passed our examinations with flying colours,with distintinctions (sic)in moving deckchairs, and selling tickets to lifeboats.

  133. 133
    Oedipus Rex says:

    Prescott will introduce a new cultural heritage to embrace (and strangle at birth)

  134. 134
    BBC Labour say, Labour say. says:

    We are so happy we have signed up Moussa Koussa to penetrate the Guido Fawkes blog and keep interest away from us and Jimmy Savile

  135. 135
    General Pubic says:

    My record is 30 seconds in reading the Mirror in my local barber shop (Daily Mail was already being read) WITHOUT the sports pages.

  136. 136
    Living in 96.98 percent white Merseyside says:

    Don’t worry, plenty of readers up here as we don’t read The Sun.

  137. 137
    What a loser Prezza is says:

    and someone to actually write the thing.

  138. 138
    Satire? Nah, just a rhyme I thought of says:

    Mandy keeps shtum
    With something up his bum

  139. 139
    imho says:

    Vaz.

    An oily, vacuous, self-promoting t u r d.

  140. 140
    It's surely an early April Fools joke, Prezzy writing says:

    Will he be known as 2Rags as well as 2Jags?

  141. 141
    Well I never says:

    Certainly 2Bags ( trace. poor-lean)

  142. 142
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Isn’t one of mandys butt cheeks and thus whole Rse each owned by deripaska and Robinson and don’t they tweek his cheeks?

  143. 143
    Ranter says:

    What a fat useless, irrelevant C*UNT!

  144. 144
    Margaret Hodge, Corrupt Expenses thief available for Hire... says:

    Dear Anjem…fuck completely off. You mong.

  145. 145
    dead man's hand says:

    he probably has a lot of interesting things to say about pies which I am keen to hear about

  146. 146
    Archie says:

    I’m truly astounded to think that somebody would be daft enough to give that fat incoherent Hunt a job!

  147. 147
    Sapailo says:

    Tracy the Tamarin ?

  148. 148
    Sapailo says:

    Or Cookeen..

  149. 149
    2013 is going to be bleak in sunderland as the benefit caps kick in says:

    Is Anjem or any of his family on benefits,methinks Pakistan would be a better place for him get the cnut out and quick.


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