October 26th, 2012

Lights Out at the Guardian

Guido knew things were bad at Guardian towers, but he didn’t think they were this bad. A leaked internal memo sent today reveals that Guardian employees have been told to clear out their cupboards immediately, with the lights to be turned off officially this weekend. Has the day of reckoning finally arrived?

Alas, no. Kings Place will merely be undergoing a full power shutdown on Sunday in order to fulfil health and safety requirements, and normal service will be resumed on Monday morning. You didn’t get your hopes up, did you? 


  1. 1
    Call me Dave says:

    I often think that I don’t understand today’s youth anymore.

    Well, to be fair, my Arabic is pretty terrible.

    • 3
      Beast says:

      Burkha off!

      • 191
        BBC Liberation Front Spokesman says:

        ” WTF are we going to read each day if our only newsfeed goes down the pan?”

    • 30
      David Cameron says:

      I give you a cast iron guarantee I will continue to use public money to subsidise the Guardian through the advertisement of public sector jobs.

      Also like all modern, cool, compassionate people I am hugely pleased to learn how enriched we are becoming:


    • 115
      cmdocker says:

      Ha Ha! Your medium is dying!

    • 149
      Call me ‘Dave’ says:

      Good evening!

      This weekend I wish to be known as

      The Spineless Tosser who is gently leading Britain towards the €USSR Noose, so that in the next year or two it can finally be pulled tight and I get my reward!

      Thank you.

    • 233
      Not Al Owd says:

      “Didn’t get your hopes up etc…”

      Wel maybe just the teeniest bit, but in the words of that singer fellow “Our day will come….”

      [can't be arsed to find the link]

    • 268
      Grrr says:

      I was at the Groniad head quaters the other day.

      The place looked like one of Saddam’s palaces.

      It could not have been more elitist, Public School, Socialist if they had tried.

      All build on tax payer’s money – advertising silly non-jobs.

      I felt ill being there – if ony our hospitals were as glorious as the Groniad building.

  2. 2
    Kebab Time says:

    You cruel person Guido !!!! ;)

    • 96
      Lab Kebab says:

      But I like you!

    • 232
      Rat's arse says:

      Too true 8illy, I’ve just got in after an horrendous shift in A & E. and on reading the first part of Guido’s blog, I thought BRILLIANT, only to be let down like a lead balloon. Naughty man Guido!

      Hope you’re well. :)

  3. 4
    Universal Hiss says:

  4. 5
    Brown out and PAY ME DAMAGES! I want of this shithole! says:

    Goodbye to the rubbish. Troughing arsewipes!

  5. 6

    The Graun creates more heat than light.

  6. 7
    Brown out and PAY ME DAMAGES! I want of out this shithole! says:

    Useless arsewipes.

  7. 8
    Scrounging, meddling skanky fuds in Edinburgh allowed says:

    Pathetic !

  8. 9
    JH says:

    Er, if I was going to chain the gates this is how I’d do it. Why do you need to clear cupboards for an elf’n safety bullshit session?

    My fingers are still crossed. Maybe they are being moved to portacabins so the temple to vanity they use as an office can be rented to a profitable venture?

  9. 10
    Donald Trump says:

    The fact is, anyone who writes for The Guardian is a loser. Most of them are sweaty, scruffy and wear home-knitted pullovers with pictures of steam engines on them and tweed jackets with pads sown in at the elbows. They’re losers whereas I am SUCCESSFUL.

    I’m good at what I do and very SUCCESSFUL and if I took over The Guardian I’d fire nearly everyone there, except David Starkey who I think deserves his own fashion column so that he can expound the merits of khaki.

    This is why I am so SUCCESSFUL because I am willing to make these tough decisions and that’s what you commie Brits are so lacking.

    • 13
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      Your wig is not SUCCESSFUL Sir!

      • 20
        Ivana Trump says:

      • 27
        David Starkey, Looks Good In Khaki says:

        Can I just second the comments of my friend, Mr. Trump, and say that if only those silly people at The Guardian would read a bit of history they would realise that it’s the sense for couture that is the make or break of an organisation. If they would just take my advice and start wearing khaki it would raise the tone of the place immeasurably, not to mention helping some of those lezza-looking man-girls become more attractive to the ladies!

        • 33
          Donald Trump says:

          I’m pleased that my friend, David Starkey, has jumped into this conversation and provided his insight. As a SUCCESSFUL person, I attended Wharton Business School and met some clever people there, nothing like the losers at the average school, but David Starkey is one of the cleverest men I have ever met, and stylish too.

          What I like most about David Starkey is that (a). he is SUCCESSFUL, like me; and (b). he is very relaxed about other people feeling his wood. When we were up in Aberdeen and the Shire last week, he let me have a really good feel down there and I realised he was using a 9 iron. It was most impressive. He’s really into swinging, as I am and lots of other SUCCESSFUL people. It’s very enjoyable, especially if you can hit the green with a three under.

          • who the fuck put sand there? says:

            you both need a good kicking in the niblicks

          • Sir WW says:

            Donald, why are all your buildings so ugly? All over New York you built nasty, shiny black towers like elongated cheap handbags.

          • Universal Hiss says:

            That’s nothing to what he did to parts of Aberdeenshire.

            The puzzling question is,with all that money,why he has that strange comb forward.He looks in a mirror & thinks that’s a good look?

            Second puzzling question is,why do people who meet him don’t all laugh & point?

          • Nick 'Windy' Miller says:

          • Wiggyfuck says:

            and another question Mr Trumpet…you decided upon Scottyland for your new golf resort….rejecting Northern Ireland.
            Since you did so, 3 Northern Irish golfers have between them won 4 out of the last 13 majors and Rory McIlroy has become the top golfer on the planet.
            Is your judgement up your hole (in one)?

    • 112
      nellnewman says:

      Errr Who is donald trump?

      • 114
        nellnewman says:

        He sounds awfully like donald duck!

      • 156
        Your Friendly Neighbourhood Self-Promoting-Obnoxious-Celebrity Watchdog Service says:

        Everyone knows he’s America’s Alan Sugar, except you, it would seem.

        He’s also promoting all kinds of gossip against Barack Obama; he seems to be obsessed. (Mitt Romney probably wishes The Donald would shut the hell up.)

        • 174
          Although I agree hs rug is ridiculous an his "Towers" are an indication of a small cock says:

          FFS Sugar is GBs Donald Trump. Some arseholes on here probably think the BBC series was tne original which the Yanks copied. In fact Trump was First.

          • Expat Geordie says:

            He isn’t. Trump is successful. Sugar is worth about the same now as he was in 1988. So in real terms Sugar is worth about half of what he was worth in ’88. And Labour thought that he was a huge success instead of some fly by night arsehole who made (admittedly quite) a few bob flogging shitty gramaphones.

          • Donald Trump says:

            Let’s be clear, the reason you’re all making fun of me is that I am SUCCESSFUL.

            It’s SUCCESSFUL people like me who take all the flack while you plebs sneer from the sidelines.

            As I said to my friend, Andrew Mitchell, your Chief Whipper of Parliament, you commie Brits really need to put your government in the hands of SUCCESSFUL people like ME not the plebs.


  10. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Let’s hope it’s not too before the lights go out permanently

  11. 12
    Tuscan Tony says:


    BBC next.

    • 19

      There is probably a statistic which states that every time the lights go off at the BBC, x-hundred kids get nonced.

      • 25
        Jeremy Clarkson says:

      • 37
        Slobberdown Menob says:

        I wonder how many got nounced by this lot?


        • 65
          Disgusted says:

          That is shocking! Was Tom Watson asking for Bliar to be investegated? That is disgraceful. What is wrong with this country. It is clearly SICK in the head!

          • Blowing Whistles says:


            “In 1983 at Bow St Magistrates Court a certain Charles Lynton was fined £50 for attempted soliciting in city toilets.”

            1. Who were the coppers / dark forces (every tier) who turned a blind eye?
            2. Who holds all the info and charge sheet?
            3. Who owned blairs ‘ass’ and pulled his PM’s strings during the reign of terror?

          • Anonymous says:

            secrecy leads to darkness leads to dark stuff.
            west is
            dark. but the sun begins to shine as money is discovered to be funny money.

        • 235
          Electricite de Farce says:

          Slobberdown’s post above needs much wider distribution. Anyone know an MP with a ‘friendly printer’?

      • 39
        Professor Erwin says:

        Ah, there you are Puss.

        You make an interesting proposition, but in the dark of the BBC TV Centre, who is to know?

        To the observer, the kids are neither nonced or un-nonced. They in fact exist in a quantum stated of ‘internoncedness’ and are both nonced and un-nonced, until Jimmy comes along and collapses their wave function.

  12. 14
    Max Mosley says:

    Oh Guido you tease! I’m going to punish you in a 1940′s German military style!

  13. 15
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Hopefully the power shutdown is a ruse and the denizens of Kings Place will find the doors locked and a For Sale sign up on Monday morning.

    We can only hope.

    • 30

      Has some sockpuppet been using your moniker in the last two weeks or so – that you know of, OTB?

      • 43
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Possibly. How should I know?

        • 80

          Only by seeing something you have not written under your moniker. It happens from time to time with me and I have noticed other people’s monikers being borrowed by trolls quite a lot recently. You see someone you regard as sensible posting something quite stupid and decide it is not irony. Therefore …

          • Authentication for every Occassion says:

            You are right to be discerning when reading the posts on here. Personally I find that if the post contains the requisite amount of anti Scottish bigotry and bile coupled with the usual ignorance, then the Moniker is likely genuine.

          • I have travelled to Scotland more times than there are years in my life and have many friends there. It does not stop me posting about the Scotch because I am speaking about the political classes there who are hated as much by those in the Highlands and Islands, along with many other parts, as they are by the English. If you wish to call that bigotry, then fill your boots! It won’t change my opinion of my friends and I doubt very much it will change their opinion of me.

          • Old Tory Bigot says:

            Oh well, I don’t worry about it.

            It’s probably that Moussa idiot.

          • Anonymous says:

            Say what you like OTB , its still the truth. by the way does the B in your anacronym stand for “Beast” ?

    • 103
      Expat Geordie says:

      Even if it isn’t, I quite fancy popping round there first thing Monday morning and sticking up a Savilles For Sale sign after supergluing the locks just to see the looks on their faces.

  14. 17
    Scrounging, meddling skanky fuds in Edinburgh allowed says:

    What use is the Guardian? Parasites!

  15. 18
    nellnewman says:

    We’d be lost without the silliness of the graudian to brighten our days – no more pollytwaddle hysterically mooning over the likes of militwit or monbiot telling us the world is coming to end!

    So glad they’re going to be around for a bit longer.

    • 21
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      Oh don’t worry about Polly and Moonbat, Nell. They will deploy their golden parachutes and land in the middle of BBC-land where they will enjoy perpetual sinecures.

  16. 23
    JH says:

    Keep the graphic Guido. Hopefully it will not be long before it comes in handy again.

    Look at the fucking place.

    It’s the epitome of trendiness over usefulness. A look-at-me pretentious swaggering fucknugget of a building, a seamless blend of wastes of space and expensive loud furniture that is useful for two things; fuck and all.

    In short, it’s the perfect HQ for the Guardian. Bravo to the designer, you understood the client perfectly.

    • 29
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      A hive of c unts if there ever was one.

      • 74
        Archer Karcher says:

        I see their ever so trendy offices are packed to the gills with third world sweat shop baubles, from the number one exploiter of child labour too, Apple.

        • 85
          Lefty Fucktards says:

          B-b-b-b-b-but it’s Apple?

          We don’t care that they are the worlds biggest abuser of patents and constantly attempt to stifle the creativity they believe they have a monopoly on with gigantic legal gambits.

          We just love the fact that the second that logo lights up on the back of our Macbooks, people know we are CREATIVE, yeah?

          We don’t care that Steve Jobs was actually a complete sociopath, and thus just the type to get a personality cult of suggestible simpletons hanging on his every fucking word, as appeared to be the case.

          Just give us our little fucking Fisher-Price playthings for adults and we’re happy. Regardless that we purport hate ‘corporations’, we seem to have a Jupiter size blind spot when it comes to this one.

          Don’t try to point this out to us though. We don’t like to process any evidence that we are actually facile, shallow, superficial fuckmuppets.

          • i Troll says:

            Is there an App for what you just said ?

          • ÁC1 says:

            Smearing colours around a screen doesn’t make you creative. It’s the most amusing thing that the sort of people who call them selves creatives are totally incapable of making something that works… they just leave that “simple” task to the little (although annoyingly for creatives they seem to get more dough) people.

          • Farce Noire says:

            Strewing colours around little screens is known as ‘Apple strewdle’. Haha

    • 48
      Grand Designs says:

      Mmmm. Smell the diversity and the odour of new Apple shiny things.

      For a business on the edge of bankruptcy, the Guardian certainly pushes the boat out when it comes to accomodating themselves.

      Fucking overentitled wankers.

      • 49
        Grand Designs says:

        Mmmm. Smell the diversity and the odour of new Apple shiny things.

        For a business on the edge of collapse, the Guardian certainly pushes the boat out when it comes to accomodating themselves.

        Fucking overentitled wankers.

        (second guessing the mod bot)

        • 50
          Grand Designs says:

          Ah ha. Can’t mention ‘b ank rupt cy’.

          Grow up Guido FFS. We all know you’re b a nkr upt d runk.

          • Brown Out and PAY ME DAMAGES! says:

            Bankr-upt? Not anymore! The Guardian remains morally bankr-upt! No truthfulness or fair play! Just brainwashing crap!

          • Trahison des Clercs says:

            @55 When they have no arguments available, they resort to ad hominem attack and think themselves so clever . Cap and fit; two words which spring easily to mind .

        • 62
          JH says:

          Actually, the pictures of the Naurgiads offices I link to above seem to only feature people who are hideously white. It’s almost as if the oh-so-enriching diversity they preach for the little people does not seem to have reached the heady heights of Kings Place.

          Never mind, I bet the weekend cleaners even up the balance.

          • Archer Karcher says:

            The sanctimonious prigs at the Guardian, don’t expect to live the life they preach that others should. Hypocrisy, it’s in their lefty elitist, DNA.

          • nellnewman says:

            Do you imagine pollytwaddle with her tuscany palace or the kinnochio’s with the £millions they’ve troughed from us in Europe or £multimillionaire militwit or chuckusyamoney with his offshore £millions know anything about living a normal ordinary working class life?? +++Laugh+++

            donald trump is more in touch with the working classes than any of them!!

          • Princess PC Po-Face Po£yTwadd£e, ShamPain Socia£ist, ta£king down at Nell from her Ivory Tower, says:

            I am a£ways RIGHT!

            I am never WRONG!

            I’m as ‘ordinary’ – if that’s your choice of word – as you are!

            Antonio! More champagne and caviar over here – quickly – then prepare for a late supper when we return from the soirée!

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            The behind the scenes problem is much the same as at the bBC – Its the bugghers who sit on the Trusts.

          • Bogeyman says:

            I went to a gastropub in Hamp stead recently. Hugely expensive, full of Beeb meeja types who preach inclusivity, eq ality and di versity yet clientle was hideously what you get when you mix red, green and blue.

            Not saying the word coz this will end up “away tin mod ration”.

          • nellnewman says:

            You could at least have named the pub!!

            Most decent folks are going to want to avoid a pub where beeb people like jimmy hang out!!

          • Bogeyman says:

            It was the Bull and Last. My TripAdvisor review here. May give you a laff.

          • Bogeyman says:

            Nellnewman – that was meant for you but the replies don’t seem to be attaching.

          • nellnewman says:

            Thanks bogeyman I got it, read it and laughed!!

            These beeb/graudian folks are about as human as something we might find one day mars!!

          • JH says:

            Oh, you can’t miss them.

            Just listen out for a gaggle of effete Nathans braying insincere horseshit to each other, in between powdering their noses at the expense of the license fee payer.

          • anonymous says:

            The Kings Head, just around the corner from the Queens Arse.

          • will says:

            i bet thye were all on expenses as working with these types in the past its amazing how many lunches on expenses they can buy each other.

            It would not surprise me if most of londons best known eating places are full of these people at lunchtime on expenses

          • Bungle & Zippy says:

            Red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue.

            It’s ok at this end B, it must be you.

        • 105
          nellnewman says:


    • 52
      Bogeyman says:

      How the fuk does a company losing barrowloads of cash every day afford a place like that?

      Look at it – could be a merchant bank except for all the chillaxing dens. But of course the elite of the left couldn’t possibly work in the kind of conditions suffered by the plebs about whom they write their patronising drivel.

      • 259
        JH says:

        Aside from the Graun, it does amuse me that the public sector feels entitled to work in buildings that mimic those of the most successful public sector operations. Because that’s ‘fair’, isn’t it.

        Look for the grandest building in town with the tastiest motors in the car park; it will almost certainly be the local authority headquarters. I’ve lost count of the towns/cities I’ve found this to be the case.

        I for one feel privileged to help fund their rarefied little bubble at the direct expense to my own quality of life.

    • 54
      Bogeyman says:

      How the fu k does a company losing barrow loads of ca sh every day afford a place like that?

      Look at it – could be a merch ant bank except for all the chill axing dens. But of course the elite of the left couldn’t possibly work in the kind of conditions suff ered by the ple bs about whom they write their patron ising drivel.

  17. 24
    Brown out and PAY ME DAMAGES! says:

    The Guardian is appalling. It is pathetic and tedious pish. Time for the parasites to fuck off and do one! Brainwashing crap!

  18. 26
    Willie Nelson says:

    “Turn out the lights– the party’s over…”

    • 47
      Vaughn Monroe says:

      “…[T]hen we’ll have time for things like wedding rings, and free hearts will sing,
      When the lights go on again, all over the world!”

  19. 30
    Tom says:

    Yeah, great one lets all celebrate when there’s no press.
    Nah, whether I read them all or not I’d like some press to remain.
    A ‘press’ made up of a collection of reactionary online shouters doesn’t appeal.
    Sorry G.

    • 36
      Brown out and PAY ME DAMAGES! says:

      What press! That pathetic excuse of a media in the UK? You call that a press? I call it a disgrace! Parasites and vultures! All of them! The days of decent journalism are gone! Good riddance to the lot of them!

      • 42
        Gordon Brown ..the forgotten years...period says:

        can I still get my beano ?

        • 117
          nellnewman says:

          When I was a girl I used to have a lovely comic every Thursday called ‘Judy’

          Lovely, innocent days!

          • Expat Geordie says:

            Warlord, Victor and Battle, with Commando comic books every month. We were more patriotic and knew a bit more of our history in those days.

          • Anonymous says:

            Rover, Wizard and Eagle for me. I suppose these days it would be called brand loyalty, which misses the point completely.

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Expat G – you stated:- “of our history”.

            The history that has been ‘taught to you and I’ in school is a cobbled together tissue of lies. The ptb thought that the masses would never sus them out. Some oldies will not have it – they prefer to remain in denial unfortunately.

          • Passing Pedant says:

            We’re missing Look In (Six Million $ Man), Cheeky and 2000AD.

          • JS diaries says:

            Trudy…Sally….Judy……had ‘em all

      • 79
        UKIP.i.am says:

        Yes where was the Guardian when hundreds of kiddies were being abused at the BBC, the Guardian’s brother-in-crime?

        • 260
          JH says:

          They were doing far more important work, such as getting their little knickers in a twist over hacks listening to Sienna fucking Miller’s voicemails.

          Also, falsely reporting that Glen Mulcaire was deleting Milly Dowler’s voicemails in an attempt to destroy a commercial rival takes a lot of time and dedication.

    • 51
      JH says:

      If the Guardian served any sizable market and was efficient, rather than preaching to a tiny bedwetting choir from its flashy offices, it would not lose £50 million pounds a year.

      On what basis should your favoured press remain? There’s not much space under the magic money tree any more I’m afraid. How about a broadband tax?

      As for reactionary shouters, I’ve got more respect for fucking Kebab Time’s ramblings than I have for the Toynbees or Monbiots of this world, opportunist sanctimonious hypocritical scum as they are.

      • 68
        Ex Ah! Monika says:

        At least the Morning Star and the Mirror are gaining readership!

        • 73
          JH says:

          Good luck to them then.

          If they don’t presume to the rights to a monopoly on the advertising of spectacularly well paid public sector non-jobs then so much the better.

      • 118
        nellnewman says:

        Oh absolutely our Bill talks lots of sense – there’s precious little sense talked in the graudian!!

        Guido talks sense too!

  20. 41
    Spinal damage says:

    The media can jog on! Useless!

  21. 44
    Grollace says:

    It’s official in the Guardian “More middle class voters regard themselves as leftwing than working class voters”. (leftwing = left wing)
    Socialism it seems is easier aspired to from a financial vantage point.

    • 71
      The truth behind these statistics says:

      They are no more “Socialist” than you and me, what they are are wankers who think that spouting “Socialist” values makes them appear like wonderful humanitarians. Fucking pricks !

      • 78
        Archer Karcher says:

        Pricks who evidently have never read a modern history book either.

        Socialism is the most destructive, anti-humanity force in this world.
        It’s death toll of the innocent stands at 150,000,000 and rising. Still the insufferable pricks imagine socialism as a force for good in this world, when all it has ever achieved is misery, poverty and death.

        • 89
          Famines and Firing Squads says:

          Next time, it will work next time Comrade.

        • 122
          nellnewman says:

          hobsbawn, that guru to the left, said that if those 20million russians who were slaughtered by stalin, and died an ugly death bringing communism to the world, their death would have been well worth it.

          hobsbawn was a personal friend of militwit and his family.

          ‘Lovely people’ this socialist/communist bunch!! NOT!!

    • 121
      nellnewman says:

      I’ll bet their middle class voters are all employed in the public sector- pilgrims and non-job management!!

      Nobody who genuinely works for themselves or their money is going to be leftwing!

    • 138
      Raving Loon says:

      Most working class people I know (builders, painters, tradesman etc) are quite right wing.

      • 184
        And the proof of the pudding is..... says:

        I give you Bernard Mannings Embassy club in Manchester !

      • 267
        JH says:

        Oh, nonsense.

        They are the working class, they are utterly dedicated to mass third-world immigration because having 20% of the classroom unable to speak English really helps their children’s prospects of learning Urdu.

        They would also spontaneously march on Parliament if you so much as mention that you might cut foreign aid to countries with bigger standing armies, nuclear and space programs than we have.

        They also all have parents who are Gramsciian Primrose Hill Marxists, so Ed is completely their man. In pubs, nightclubs and greyhound racing tracks up and down the country, there was a spontaneous week of mourning declared for Eric Hobsbawn.

        The Tories have a mountain to climb in this respect.

  22. 46
    Ex Ah! Monika says:




  23. 55
    Polly says:

    The lights are still on, here in Tuscany. More Bolly, anyone?

  24. 57
    Toon... says:

    The BBC is the Guardian of broadcasting and the Guardian a defender of the BBC :)

  25. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Did you hack McBride’s e-mails, Guido?
    I think we should be told.
    You’ve always said hacking was common, ho-hum, which shows you’ve never considered it a serious crime.
    The Mail reports your saying that if you had hacked McBride then the police would have knocked on your door by now, which is not a denial.

    • 82
      • 182
        Tay King-dePisse says:

        “If the police had any evidence, they’d have come knocking on my door.”

        Errmm, I don’t think that came out right, guv– Jimmy Savile could have said the same thing, with about as much justification (rumours vs. something solid that would stand up in a criminal trial). The difference is, of course, between: (A) No evidence because nonexistant, and (B) no evidence, because what’s being proffered to the coppers is dubious and equivocal hence useless. I’m sure you mean (A), while McBride would say you mean (B). Based on the relative reputations for veracity of the two of you…but hey, why are we even discussing it?

        • 207
          Anonymous says:

          if someone who is guilty is protected then you have to ask why.
          not a single newpaper investigated Savile.

    • 100
      nellnewman says:

      I have always thought mcbride’s complaints that his evil emails were hacked was an absolute and positive argument for why hacking should be allowed and legal.

    • 120
      terrytory says:

      I discovered today that the poisonous McBride is now the Head of Media and PR of CAFOD, the Catholic aid organisation. To be serious for a moment, as a practising RC, I find this news completely disgusting, and probably speaks volumes for the political stance of the RC Bishops Conference of England & Wales.

      Excuse me, while I go and be sick.

      • 125
        nellnewman says:

        hmmm twatson says child abuse was rife in no10 – I thought he was referring to gordon but who knows.

        Now it seems mcbride, gordon’s right hand man has ended up working for the catholic church…………

      • 129
        Expat Geordie says:

        I take it that you saw this in Fraser Nelson’s article in the Telegraph. We’ve all known that this has been going on for years. The only national charities that I support now are military ones. Other than those my charity money goes to a couple of Big Issue sellers (there but for the grace of god goes any of us) and a couple of local independent animal sanctuaries.

  26. 59
    Bogeyman says:

    FFS, does this site allow ANY words through?

    The Guano dian is a very fine news pap per.

    I’m lye ing but let’s see if that works.

    • 64
      Ex Ah! Monika says:

      Does Guido read this site any more?

      • 91
        It's pointless posting here now. says:

        I wondered that, too. I think he abandoned it to the total terw at k’nee oh ghee d’oh.

        People did warn that the aforementioned k’nee oh had ‘history’ on moh der rating blogs into oblivion, seems they were right.

  27. 60
    Mrsshitrit says:

    Thought all my birthdays had come at once :(((

  28. 61
    Looking for a punt says:

    About time Guido opened a book on who the ‘Celebs’ to be arrested are.

  29. 63
    gerrydorrian66 says:

    Not necessarily a tragedy, there’s nobody else so hilariously pompous!

  30. 69
    Bogeyman says:

    Gye-do, I really do think you should start a flash mob club to blits the lef-tie idiots pos ting on CiF. Nothing like enough sensible posts get rec om ends while the bone-heads pile on the voates for each other.

    (Sorry for spelins etc – phuk-in bot seems to stop everything)

  31. 76
    hahahahahahahahaha says:

    • 106
      JH says:

      Oh, joy. What a stupid fucking bitch. But obviously eminently qualified to transmit her inanities to millions, because she works for the BBC.

      Quick, someone ring her and ask her if Mike Hunt is in the studio.

    • 108
      Expat Geordie says:

      Udderly unbelievable. A BBC apology?

    • 109
      Expat Geordie says:

      So what Jimmy Savile prank text did she read out?

    • 126
      nellnewman says:

      The beeb are as out of touch with reality and real people as the gruadian . What idiots they are!!

      Can’t have a better argument for abandoning the license fee and making them work for a subscription income like sky.

  32. 94

    At least the health and safety legislation has finally achieved something positive, if only for one day.

  33. 98
    shooty* says:

    You utter, utter bastard! I fell for that one hook, line and scrounger.

  34. 101

    Once upon a time there were three little pigs called Alan, George and Polly.
    One day they all decided to build houses of their own.

    The first little pig built his grandiose office block out of steel and glass. It was very expensive. “But it will house all my piggy friends and stakeholder citizens. There needs to be room for all.”
    But the building was far more expensive than the little pig could afford. So he sacked all his piggy friends and stayed there mostly by himself. Which rather defeated its original purpose.

    The second little pig built his house out of bailed straw and wicker. When the wind blew the pig was very pleased. “My windmill is turning.I shall be able to grind tonight. There will be bread in the morning, after a bit of baking.”
    Unfortunately the wind blew very hard and although the sails of his mill clattered merrily round his reed and mud yurt house blew away.

    The third little pig built her house out of Italian marble and Tuscan stone. It was beautiful and it had wonderful views across the valley.
    But as she was always banging on about affordable housing, holiday homes pushing up the locals rents ,living wages and tax cheats she did feel guilty sometimes. As she was actively preventing all of those evil things by her own example.

    One day a big bad wolf came along. He told them he was from the Reality Company and that they had gone bankrupt and must all close their paper and fire everyone who worked there. However he did give the three pigs enormous index linked pensions far in excess of what any ordinary person could ever to hope posses.
    And so the three pigs felt very sad.
    But not sad enough to give any of the money back.

    And they all lived happily ever after.

    The End.

    • 253
      Old Tory Bigot says:


    • 261
      JH says:

      Very good, although you forgot the bit at the end where the Magical Aunty BBC Fairy comes down and rescues them by giving them all the other-people’s-money they want to carry on telling the little people what to do and think in perpetuity.

  35. 104
    nellnewman says:

    I think the left are losing the argument.

    When you look at folks like ‘princess’pollytwaddle, madmonbiot, ed’blanksheetofpaper’militwit, ed’there’snodeficit’balls and chucka’lookatmyoffshoreinheritance’umuna not to mention hattyharpic descendent of lordlongford and lots of money et al labour in the UK no longer has any interest or links to the real working classes. They are utterly out of touch with real people.

    They might just as well shut up shop and retire to that tax haven where the gruadian has hid all it’s taxpayer troughed money from government job adverts.

    • 110
      JH says:


      They’ve got an argument?

      Other than, ‘give us your money, so we can piss it up the wall on client voters and then expect to be treated as if we are generous’, which is hardly an ‘argument’.

      • 136
        nellnewman says:

        Well and don’t forget they want £xbillions to go every year to EU so that they can keep paying folks like the socialist kinnochios to become very rich!!

  36. 107

    Perhaps he only wants Thick as Thieves types?

    • 127

      Watch it. I know where you live! And I do get m0dded – you just don’t see it – like I don’t see yours.

      Anyway, a little bit of effort with Character Map pays dividends. Or Para’s workaround is good.

      Systems, they are there to be played.

    • 128
      nellnewman says:

      LOL! OK SC what have you got that we haven’t?!!

      • 142

        Right above you nell in reply to Ah!

        I’ve been using it for 15 years or more so I know my way about it. Knowledge of Unicode is good but I am not up to Para’s level. It is all on Wiki.

        Example: hold the alt key down and type 0176 on your number pad. Up comes the degree sign: °

        Try it…

      • 152
        nellnewman says:

        You know perfectly well SC that’s technical and completely beyond me! I am a woman after all!!

      • 161

        Come on nell! It’s much easier than producing one of those delicious looking curries you make.

        You know where the alt key is (to the left of the space bar). Stick your thumb on it and type those four numbers. Once you have done something like that, you realise how simple this computer game is. (If you don’t have a keypad to the left of your keyboard, you will have one marked out in different colours in the middle of the letters. But your will probably have to hold the Fn key down to get at those. Ask littlenel. I bet she knows. Don’t let her see the bad language here though – especially mine!)

    • 179
      Tessa Tickles says:

      Paying a final visit here for old times’ sake, I think all should consider a move to the U’h’mpire’s blog.

      If he’ll allow it.

      You know I always loved him. As I did you. :-)

      This place is a wreck.

  37. 111

    Dr Alice Roberts.

    Now why did I just say that?

  38. 113
    Guardian & bbc says:

    We will prosper! Now then, now then!

  39. 116
    Big Bubba says:

    I look forward to putting my hamster in Freddie Starr’s gob.

    • 130
      nellnewman says:

      Is Mt Starr going to be one of those 12 the police are saying they are planning on arresting?!

      • 131
        nellnewman says:

        Mr starr and mr glitter ??!!… and who else??!

      • 137
        Expat Geordie says:

        According to Starr he says that he has offered several times to talk to the police to clear his name. He has even made the offer publically. so what’s the betting that the police just ignore this offer and raid his house at 4.30 am in the full view of the TV cameras?

        • 143
          nellnewman says:

          hmm if they think he’s one of savile’s dozen pals that helped him abuse children then a 4.30am raid sounds reasonable!

          • Expat Geordie says:

            But if you have said that you want to talk to the police and the police don’t get back to you, then the 4.30 am raid seems rather suspicious. Don’t get me wrong here Nell, I don’t like, and have never liked Freddie Starr. An ex-girlfriend had a rather unpleasant encounter with him and his entourage in a Bournemouth nightclub back in the mid-80′s (she was in her mid-20′s at the time and was more than able to look after herself), and his general demenour as far as I can see is “wrong”.

            However, guilty or innocent, it seems like he is being hung out to dry, possibly as a sacrificial lamb, and by their not taking him up on his offer to speak to them the police seem to be in on it. This is starting to smell like last weeks rotten fish.

            Incidentally, I did jury service in a historic child abuse case last year. We found the defendent not guilty because the evidence wasn’t there and we thought that the victim was making it up. The police now have over 300 alleged “victims”. What’s the betting that a lot of those are making it up? Will they be charged with anything? Because those who are making it up to get on the bandwagon are making it harder for genuine victims to be believed.

          • nellnewman says:

            I think the majority of savile’s vitims are going to be genuine. Will there be one or to trying to jump on bandwagon who are not genuine of course there will.

            I suspect though that after 40 years of unhindered abuse whilst the lazy beeb and police turned a blind eye – he and his pals have probably left more than a thousand genuine victims, most of whom sadly, will choose to stay silent.

            The beeb in my view has been nothing more than a cheap pimp for savile and pals!!
            And we have to ask why have we paid our license fee for that!!

          • There is a lot of truth in what you say EG.

            Clearly there are a huge amount of girls who were abused by Savile. It is a pity that they were ignored when the few brave ones complained. They deserve compensation (as far as that is realistically possible.)

            On the other hand, there will undoubtedly be those who want to jump on the bandwagon. Most will be motivated by the prospect of compensation but some will see it as an opportunity to be noticed and there will be a whole host of other reasons, many dubious.

            I have respect for the girl who reported and said she didn’t want to press charges but rather for the police to establish whether there was a pattern. That was an intelligent and mature approach IMO.

            It is for a court to decide where the truth lies in each separate case. They will never get it right every time, though. The prosecution of unsuccessful victims is problematic unless they have clearly fabricated. The bar of beyond reasonable doubt cannot simply be inverted here, otherwise it will discourage real victims in coming forward. Fabrication is extraordinarily difficult to prove most of the time, especially if only two people were present.

          • Expat Geordie says:

            I’ll agree with you on that one Nell.

          • Expat Geordie says:

            You’re right SC. I just wouldn’t want to be on the jury in any of those cases. I had enough nightmares last time.

          • I can thoroughly sympathise with that EG. It appears that you really did the best you could and no one could expect more of you.

            People are becoming more cunning in their deceit and it is asking a lot of a jury to see through the fog. The rules are there and one can only do one’s best until we can come up with a better system. For all its failings, I don’t think there is a better one in this very imperfect world.

        • 165
          Blowing Whistles says:

          The Sky ticker-tape stated of Starr “…is prepared to be interviewed…”

          So he and his lawyers have “prepared” his excuses then; whereas a week or so ago he “was not prepared”. Jah boo lone Starr.

          • Expat Geordie says:

            It still stinks BW. And with all the stories coming out it would appear that the police are leaking like a sieve. Whatever happened to operational security?

            Are Savile and his 12 “disciples” the BBC’s sacrifice in an attempt to save itself?

        • 192
          Whats the real agenda here ? says:

          Of course you can justify a 4.40 am raid by saying you dont want the target to be away from home or at work etc, however this justification is blown out the water a tad when you have announced your intentions the day before on National fucking television !

  40. 134
    nellnewman says:

    I looked at your picture and hoped that maybe it was representative of that great statement in WW2 (amended) which said ‘socialist/communist’ ” lights going out across Europe”

    When the EU dies , and it will, socialism will finally peg out. It can’t come to soon. It is a really evil doctrine!!

    • 139
      Expat Geordie says:

      We thought that at the end of the Cold War. You’ll never get rid of socialism as there is always someone out there who wants to take your stuff off you without paying you for it.

      • 145
        nellnewman says:

        This is true – it’s called robbery. gordonbrown perfected that thievery model.

        All the same the numbers of people in the UK who support gordon’s thievery socialist model now are declining at a rate of knots!!

        Possibly because they found themselves on the uncomfortable end of his criminal activities and seriously out of pocket!!

  41. 140
    Blowing Whistles says:

    At least the Italian Judges – at the very least managed to get Silvio Greasy into a “Criminal Court Trial” – unlike their counterparts over here – surprisingly!!! not – nudge, nod, wink, nod, wink, nudge, oink, oink.

    It’s all going Blair shaped.

  42. 144
    Bogeyman says:

    Phuk u Forks, what’s the point of starting a colum slaggin off the Ngrdniu when every poste I send slaggin off the Ngrdniu is with helld?

  43. 157
    nellnewman says:

    1978-2010 satellite shows that Antarctic Ice has grown by 6600 square miles.

    Wait for it!! Expect madmonbiot of the graudian to start telling us that we’re all going to die beneath a layer of a fast forming ice cap coming up from the south!!

    • 202
      ÁC1 says:

      Which is why this BBC narrative is even more amusing.


      • 219
        anonymous says:

        A narrative in that self-satisfied smirk of a voice, and with the irrefutable and unequivocal statement “due to global warming”, but PS had to call in the icebreakers instead, do they ever play back any of this drivel they concoct to themselves before setting out on another propaganda mission?.

      • 223
        anonymous. says:

        A narrative in that self-satisfied smirk of a voice, and with the irrefutable and unequivocal statement “due to global warming”, so somebody had to call in the icebreakers instead, do they ever play back any of this drivel they concoct before publishing it to the gullible public, another propaganda mission.

      • 248
        JH says:

        “A £46 million dollar runway is melting”

        A runway. Made of ice. Water left on the ground, in other words.

        Which cost £46 million. There is something very, very wrong with the world.

        For £46 million I would want it made from the frozen tears of Lady Diana, flown in by Amelia Earhart.

    • 217
      Aunty Matter says:

      The extra ice is down to global warming, didn’t you know that?

    • 220
      anonymous says:

      My comment has just been moderated more than all the ice in Antarctica. (WHY?).

  44. 166
    Saffron says:

    Hogsbawn was and is a complete asshole and a dangerous one at that,no surprises that he ties in with Red Ed and his clan.
    Old saying make sure if you sup with the devil you have a long spoon.
    Did the guardian originate in that mancunian shithole who fly the rainbow flag and promote such goings on.
    Sa-Vile is the tip of the iceberg,there is a lot more to come from this and not from auntie,this goes far far deeper.
    Masonic goings on need in depth forensic investigations as to what regarding child abuse went on over the years.
    We can talk about celebs and their privacy which they are entitled to complain about,but when we talk about child abuse it is an entirely and utterlly different subject,one concerns your celeb status and the other one concerns ordinary people.
    I for one know which one’s I support and it is ordinary people who were violated by these tossers in high protected positions.
    If you want to discover more I suggest you google Dunblane and what that was all about.

    • 169
      Saffron says:

      Yes Mods in order,have I touched on a raw nerve,well no surprises there.
      When you mention the establishment and sexual goings on which have been covered up for years I am not surprised.
      I thought that this site was open,but apparently not if you express an opinion as to what the higher classes are up to.

      • 228
        ARF! says:

        Guido knows which side his bread is buttered on, if you know what I mean, a nod is as good as a wink to a blind dog.

  45. 170
    My visists to here: 2008-2011. says:

    Wow! The c uh nt k’nee oh ghee doh is a mo hd ing c uhnt. How Lib ert arian.

  46. 172
    Blowing Whistles says:

    With the guardian comments about Churchill – didn’t someone forget to mention that he was also highly ‘indebted’ to some sinister characters because of his huge gambling addiction?

    Never have so few owed so much that they became so beholden to their debtors’ wishes. OK I’ll write a series of books after the job and add bits in here and there.

    Who’s read the six volumes and compared them to what we know now?

  47. 180
    Saffron says:

    The Beeboids are an utter bunch of left wing liebour supporting asshole who the British public are forced to pay for at £145 a year.
    This crowd of commie/eussr supposedly unbiased hunts need to be sacked seeing that they do not represent the values of this nation.
    In fact they are now being seen as a national scandal to this nation based on what is going on at present.
    For their information we do not want an organisation who now are trying their level best to cover up child abuse and protect their position to keep their taxpayer funded status.
    You decide and I think I know what your answer will be.

    • 243
      Farce Noire says:

      So (a) don’t watch or listen; (b) don’t buy the licence and give yourself a well deserved pay rise (tax free too!).

      • 249
        JH says:

        Yup. Yet another ‘important’ letter arrived from TV licensing arrived yesterday. It was so important they didn’t even know the name of the person they were writing to.

        Filed under B.

  48. 181
    the bbc says:

    We will continue to finance the Guardian as it is our printed offshoot assisting us in brainwashing the hoi pollloi to vote for the Labour party.

    Best of all, we are financing it with the money of said hoi polloi and they have to pay us.

    • 250
      Guardianista says:

      It’s really not fair that you get to keep all that lovely other-people’s-money although we are very grateful for the job ads you place with us, even though our circulation is increasingly tiny.

      We need to have a progressive media license, paid for with money extracted with menaces, to ensure there is a progressive print media – safely insulated from commercial pressures – so lots of really important people can strut about and tell the little people what to do, think and say.

      £1000 a year should do it.

  49. 183
    Tony Blair Socialist Hero says:

    Can the next crowd sourced in/out vote be a bit closer to home and be about the BBC License Fee?

    • 197
      Engineer says:

      No need. The telly tax is voluntary. Just stop paying it. If you’re going to be absolutely honest about it, you’ll need to ditch the telly, but that’s hardly a hardship – there’s practically f*** all worth watching, and what there is you can catch up with on the i-player.

      • 251
        JH says:

        You can keep the telly, just remove any aerial/dish signal feed. Why the fuck should the BBC decide if you can watch DVDs in your own home?

        The TV license only covers programmes watched within the time slot they are broadcast – you can watch DVDs, video files and internet feeds with impunity.

        Don’t let the Capita drone at the door tell you any different. Their intention is to get you to sign a bit of paper saying you have been watching TV without a license. Then they get a commission, and you get a court summons. It’s the number one reason women go to court and prison in this country; fluffy old Aunty Beeb!

        Sign nothing, send them away with a flea in their ear. They have no power whatsoever unless you sign that bit of paper. People actually believe these cvunts have the legal power to turn up and search your home, a misconception the inspectors are happy to play along with.

    • 229
      albacore says:

      The old grey mare, she ain’t what she used to be
      And the same goes in spades for the BBC
      Still Parliament, as always, sits on its thumbs
      Shrinking violets, wallflowers, just plain bums
      So, what are they awaiting, an invitation
      To call The Last Dance at the pop-pickers’ station?

  50. 189
    We can hope says:

    If the formerly politically bulletproof Berlusconi can be sentenced to prison, regardless of whether he actually does any time, surely the precedent has now been set and Teflon Tony will be shitting himself at what might happen to him? Probably not but let’s enjoy the scenario anyway:

    Blair is charged with war crimes and/or various nefarious financial schemes (just google what donations to his so-called charity are actually used on).. Unable to return to the UK, he does a Gary Glitter and flies from one country to the next seeking exile. Our Tony gets on the phone to all the arab despots he’s befriended over the years of doing business with them. “Hi guys. Listen, any chance Cherie and I could come and live in one of your palaces? Hello? Hello?” Fast running out of places to go, he and Slotgob end up claiming exile in some minor, shit ridden third world arab wasteland where they commence a life of luxury amidst poverty spending the millions in blood money they’ve amassed, a modern day Mr & Mrs Caecescu but more loathsome.

    Then, a few years later, still in exile, news emerges that our Tony is dying of cancer. He’s a skeletal shell of a man. And when St Tony finally croaks, 90% of the world celebrates. Labour HQ in London call for a royal pardon and a statue to be erected in memory of St Tony. The Queen’s spokesman tells them to go fuck themselves. The End.

    • 216
      I don't need no doctor says:

      And what of Tessa Jowell’s husband? Wasn’t he Bunga Bunga’s accountant?

  51. 195
    Its just actors you mugs says:

    For all you Gullible fuckers out there, Derren Brown is just an Orson Welles Tribute Act.

  52. 199
  53. 214
  54. 242
    JockInFrance says:

    I, for one, would be sad to see the Grauniad disappear. It is an endless source of amusement, and a good pointer to everything that is wrong with the world. If they support something, then you just know it has to be wrong.

    • 255
      Chris Bryant 's underpants says:

      I think it is a thoroughly nauseating organisation full of Mr and Mrs Know Alls who I would prefer were not on my side during WW3

  55. 245
    G Glitter says:

    As we now know, Jeremy Hunt refused to disclose a £1,435 donation from The Groucho Club (here). This is a very upmarket exclusive members only club in Soho, London for people related to the Culture, Media and Arts industry. There are also MPs who are/were members, and former Prime Ministers have been known to frequent it. The managing director is a Mr John James Henry Lewis who paid £4,000 for Jeremy Hunt in 2009 to fly to New York to meet employees of Rupert Murdoch. In addition, John James Henry Lewis gave Jeremy Hunt a cash present of £25,000. A daughter of JJH Lewis, a Ms Daisy Lewis also gave Jeremy Hunt a present of £5,000 cash. In all, payments from Lewis to Hunt exceeded £35,000 over 4 separate donations. He also gave £400,000+ to the Tory Party.

    The question as to why Jeremy Hunt listed 3 of these in the Register of Members’ Interests but not the fourth one (The Groucho Club) is a mystery. The Groucho club was the subject of a lengthy libel proceeding after award winning investigative journalist Tyrone D Murphy, who is in the process of writing a book entitled The Groucho Gate Affair, was sued by the company. The Groucho Club tried to prevent the publication of that book through a libel case but proceedings were eventually dropped. The charges were dropped because Murphy made clear that he was prepared to contest them. Tyrone Murphy has kept a close eye on the Groucho Club ever since and in 2010 he submitted repeated requests to the police to investigate a child pornography ring that was using a members forum by the name of “TheGrouchoClub”. Most of what Tyrone alleges I do not wish to repeat here, instead I will simply provide the link to the lengthy piece so that you can read it yourself (see link).

    Hat tip The Green Benches

    • 254
      Bluebottle says:

      I would not like to be a member of any club who would admit him .

    • 265
      Thunderbox says:

      Mornin Gary

      Is this to be your last piece following your earlier arrest today.

      Blame it on Groucho (Marx) if I were you.

      Vung Tao has never been the same without you.

  56. 246
    Anonymous says:

    You bastard Guido. Got my hopes up there and then dashed them!

    • 263
      Anon says:

      Interestingly, World Trade Centre 1 & 2 had a full power shutdown the weekend before they were demolished back in 2001.

      Are we going to see more pyrotechnics this week?

  57. 264
    Thunderbox says:

    Talking of lights going out.

    Conveniently Hattie Harperson has gone very quiet all of a sudden, following the BBC scandal. You’d never guess who was Legal Officer for the National Council of Civil Liberties (NCCL) around the time it campaigned for a more relaxed approach to sex with children.

    And just to illustrate what an incestuous nest our socialist sisterhood is, guess who was general secretary of the NCCL (now reinvented as Liberty) when these stomach-churning views were in fashion?

    Step forward Pat Hewitt who later served(?) as Secretary of State for Health between 2005 and 2007.

    In the words of the late John Junor, you couldn’t make it up.

  58. 266
    Anonymous says:

    The Guardian and The Telegraph. The only two papers worth having a free press for.

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“When discussion veers to subjects that Mr Crosby thinks of concern only to the political and journalistic classes, he treats the offender as a pub bore with a tart request to “pass the beer nuts, mate”.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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