October 12th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Mitchell Against the Wall Edition)

The winner of this week’s wit-fest will receive two tickets to the Spectator Debate on the evening of Monday 29th October. It’s the battle of the Chancellors – George Osborne isn’t working – we need a Plan B’ -  Lord Lamont V Alistair Darling.

On the panel with Darling will be David Blanchflower and Lord Oakeshott.  With Lamont, Sajid Javid MP and one further speaker.

Usual rules apply…

Pic: @politicalpictures

268 Comments

  1. 1

    Sorry Sir, I still had the safety on, would you mind just repeating that last bit…?

  2. 2
    Steve Miliband says:

    Rugby Wall game not as good as Eton’s

  3. 3
    Robertson Barley says:

    Just say the magic word sir, and I’ll let you through.

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    “No, i said “fucking plod” officer”

    Or

    Officer > “One way you will be fired”

  5. 5
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Say a word and I’ll blow your nuts off!

  6. 6
    Weybridgeman says:

    Is that a bicycle pump in your hand or are you just pleased to see me…….Sir!

  7. 7
    Enemy of the State says:

    The nice thing about living in America in a pro gun state is that last week I was at an outdoor range shooting the same gun the copper has.

  8. 8
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    “‘…….effing Pleb!”

    “……..effing Basket !!”

  9. 9
    Centre Parting says:

    Hold on Constable, can you just check with the Masons first?

  10. 10
    Glyn H says:

    WHF is a sodding copper walking around armed?

  11. 11
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have an apple in each pocket

  12. 12
    Gordon the Medicated says:

    The winner of this week’s wit-fest will receive two tickets to the Spectator Debate on the evening of Monday 29th October. It’s the battle of the Chancellors – ‘George Osborne isn’t working – we need a Plan B’ – Lord Lamont V Alistair Darling.

    What’s the second prize?

  13. 13
    IanPJ says:

    Mitchell, just back with the groceries, prepares to whip up something unspeakable.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    “Sir, I need you to take off your shirt and give me your phone.

    We are conducting routine searches for offensive T shirts and twitter messages. I need an MP5 to protect myself from being offended.”

  15. 15
    njw says:

    What was that about being a pleb?

  16. 16

    To reduce his unpopularity, Mitchell considers changing his name to Sir Jimmy Saville.

  17. 17

    Mixed reviews at the unveiling of the new Victoria Pleberton range.

  18. 18
    les says:

    Lying note changing coppers!! #Hillsborough

  19. 19

    Armed unit called to investigate a stupid old basket.

  20. 20
    Tom Wilson says:

    If I stand still he might not see me.

  21. 21
    Tom Tomos says:

    I’m going to fill you full of P(le)B

    (Think about it)

  22. 22
    Raving Loon says:

    This little pleb had an MP5…

  23. 23
    Deep Froat says:

    Just step back against the wall and close your eyes sir….

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Heckler & Cock

  25. 25

    No I am not the man from the Pru

  26. 26
    paddybriggs says:

    “Excuse me Mr Hockney but you can’t smoke here.”

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Thought about it and it was even shitter

  28. 28

    You’re quite sure Officer? Under the 2002 terrorism act the penalty for failure to stop at a gate is death by firing squad?

  29. 29
    Steve Miliband says:

    Mitchell looks shocked as he sees Gordon in Westminster

  30. 30
    Denis McShane's Shed says:

    Mitchell – Heckler AND Cock.

  31. 31
    DiggersDog says:

    “Let me go or the basket case gets it.”

  32. 32
    Dick the Prick says:

    Plod starts crying after someone calls him a socialist twat

  33. 33
    Tom Tomos says:

    With apologies to Mr F Mercury

    I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride my bike
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride it where I like

  34. 34
    Moussa Koussa says:

    “”I’d recommend a head shot sir, quick and pain free””

  35. 35
    David Laws Lib Dem Fiddler says:

    Mitchell: “Wanker!” PC: “say it again, and I’ll have diminished responsibility”.

  36. 36
    David says:

    “Can you let me back in again please officer”

  37. 37

    If you move two paces to your left and turn 180* sir, you’ll clearly see the writing is on the wall.

  38. 38
    Tom Tomos says:

    Shittier, surely/

  39. 39
    Dick the Prick says:

    Sir Norman Bettison misheard Sir Jimmy Savile’s instruction to just beat them with a whip.

  40. 40
    Moussa Koussa says:

    “””Its called a bicycle sir, you ride them by moving the pedals””

  41. 41
    Del Boy says:

    Pleb Meets Plod

    What a pair of Ponkers Rodders

  42. 42
    Simon Harley says:

    “Right, you fucking pleb. Shoot Yvette Cooper’s Balls off.”

  43. 43
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Policeman : “Be on yer bike, pleb!”

  44. 44
    Widescreen2010 says:

    Run that ‘Pleb’ thing past me again…

  45. 45
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Four tickets.

  46. 46
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Don’t shoot, don’t shoot, you f****** pleb!

  47. 47
    Dick the Prick says:

    Mitchell “so how many Scouse plebs have you killed today then?”

  48. 48
    I Squiggle says:

    “Excuse me Officer, can you tell me the way to the Job Centre?”

  49. 49
    a non says:

    One bike is as good as another?

  50. 50
    George Dixon of Dock Green says:

    I am a what???

  51. 51
    fruitcake says:

    Right, I’ve got the uniform, you’ve got the shackles and oh, you did have a whip didn’t you?

  52. 52

    Mitchell says “my statement was factually accurate . Unless you really do know the difference between a Mote Spoon and a Runcible Spoon?”

  53. 53
    Moussa Koussa says:

    This is a ‘Heckler & Koch Mark 23’ pistol sir, whereas you are a ‘Fecking Cock Mark 1’.

  54. 54
    Steve mid says:

    Right….run ya bastard…….

  55. 55
    I Squiggle says:

    Right, I’ll just need to check your lights, tyres, safety helmet. Shouldn’t take more than 5 hours. In a hurry.. SIR?

  56. 56
    Mick says:

    “Go ahead, make my day”

  57. 57
    smoggie says:

    This week’s prize doesn’t appeal to me either.

  58. 58

    My! I thought the wall was Double English Cross bond for a moment but on closer inspection it appears to be English Double Cross bond.

  59. 59
    Deranged Cop. says:

    “I have £25,000 of tuition fees because of you MOTHER FUCKER….

  60. 60
    gramma says:

    Remake of Dixon of Dock Green- Hell Bent copper and the Blue Lump

  61. 61
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    *sings* ‘Raindrops keep falling on my head…..’

  62. 62
    Moussa Koussa says:

    ….there as just so many

    This is a ‘Armsel Striker Semi Automatic’ sir, whereas you are a ‘Arsewipe Stinker Fully Automongtory’.

  63. 63
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “Can’t fool me Meester Meetchal I know you’re Brasilian”

  64. 64
    Steve Miliband says:

    The strain begins to tell on Lance Armstrong

  65. 65
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    ‘E.T. go home..’

  66. 66
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “Go ahead Spunk, make my day”

  67. 67
    Granville says:

    I was told to ask for a Mr K-k-weir St-st-starmer.

  68. 68
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Must hurry officer, I don’t want to be late for my cycling lesson with Lance Armstrong.

  69. 69
    Seano says:

    So who is the pleb now monkey boy?

  70. 70
    Observer says:

    I must warn you, officer, that I have a friendship with David Cameron and I’m not afraid to use it.

  71. 71
    a non says:

    Gum fight at the Downing Street corral.

  72. 72
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    PC Plod: “And what’s with that bicycle lock, sir? Are you implying that, although the whole street is swarming with heavily-armed police officers, that somehow we’d let your bike go missing? What do you take us for, anyway? Oh hold on, I think we already know the answer to that…”

  73. 73
    Nick says:

    Are those gates as cast-iron as a Dave promise?

  74. 74
    Patrick says:

    What do you mean that I can’t use this on your grouse moor, sir?

  75. 75

    If you let me through I’ve got some things I know your sort like in my basket.
    Half a fresh baguette and two tickets to Gerry Cottels.

  76. 76
    Sweeney, The says:

    The only time you can wink and smile at a politician is when you take aim…

  77. 77
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Would you like a last cigarette sir?

  78. 78
    smoggie says:

    If it was a bottle of decent malt up for grabs I’m sure you’d do better than that.

  79. 79
    Stackton Tressell Q.C. says:

    Nor me. Who wants to sit in the same room as LibDem Lord Jokeshit ??

  80. 80
    Tooms says:

    If the rumours are to be believed he was getting ready to shoot his load into a fucking pleb.

  81. 81
    Loungelizard says:

    Officer ‘Stick your hands up ya bum’
    Mitchell ‘Up my where ?’

    Apologies to Sid Snott AKA K Everett ESQ.

  82. 82
    I Squiggle says:

    Well, you say you didn’t cycle through that red light Sir, that you were just ‘wheeling it’. But I have 17 witnesses that say you did, and they are MPs, party colleagues of yours as well. So what do you think the Judge will do, take the word of a police officer, or the word of MPs?

  83. 83
    smoggie says:

    Officer into his mouthpiece, “Have you noticed, that patricians seem to be getting older every day?”

  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    I say Plod old chap would you mind awfully just keep an eye on my chariot for an hour or so while I pop up to Fortnums for some quince jelly and a bottle of Shampoo?

  85. 85
    Shoot when ready says:

    Police reveal their latest cardboard target practice cutout.

  86. 86
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “In all this commotion, I sorta forgot– is the safety on, or not? Are you feeling lucky, punk?”

  87. 87
    Moussa Koussa says:

    …another for you smoggie

    This is a ‘LMT-Defender Semi-automatic carbine’ sir, whereas you are a ‘MP- Defenceless Floppy Haired Automongtory Carbuncle’

  88. 88
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “Oh Officer is that ‘semi’ for me…??”

  89. 89
    Peter Grant says:

    Police Officer: “Ok Sir, are you sure (cocks weapon) about not taking that job in Rwanda?”

  90. 90
    Moussa Koussa says:

    “No sir, it isnt a Taser, but you are a Tosser”

  91. 91
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said you are a basket case, not put your case in the basket

  92. 92
    Ed Balls (Complete with Bradley Wiggins sideburns) says:

    Old Bill ” Make sure you ain’t Chief Whip at the end of October 2012,Sir. I have a huge bet with the bookies that you’ll be gone.”

  93. 93
    Concurrently says:

    “Have you got a licence for that?”

  94. 94
    Moussa Koussa says:

    oh bugger..that should have been

    This is a ‘LMT-Defender Semi-automatic carbine’ sir, whereas you are a ‘XMP- Defenceless Floppy Haired Automongtory Carbuncle’

  95. 95
    movie buff says:

    Unforgiven.

    Shame.

    The Good, the Bad and Yvette Cooper.

    High Noon

    Pale Rider

  96. 96
    Bob says:

    It’s actually a strange mixture but mainly just plain English Bond.

  97. 97
    The short arse in Blue. says:

    If Sir can find sixteen million for the president of Rwanda then surely Sir can spare a few quid for the police benevolent fund.

  98. 98
    dog says:

    Andrew Mitchell: The First up against the wall when the revolution came.

  99. 99
    ToonBob... says:

    Old man in blue tie gets ready to hurl a cycle of abusive :)

  100. 100
    Maverick Ways says:

    Cop: I’m re-loading, sir.

    Mitch: I’m freeloading, pleb.

  101. 101
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    Plebby !
    Aim!
    FIRED!

  102. 102
    the furry fish says:

    psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

  103. 103
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir it isn’t a “Uzi 9mm”, but I guess “You’ll be back” after the next reshuffle.

  104. 104
    Maverick Ways says:

    Cop: Now, Mr Mitchell, shall we just go over again exactly what you did say?

  105. 105
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Copper: On your bike sonny.
    Mitchell: I’ll be going soon.

  106. 106
    Wendy says:

    Yeah – Double English Cross Bond looks like this –

    which is clearly not the way that wall has been built.

  107. 107
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said you are a helmet, not, dont forget your headware

  108. 108
    L R says:

    “What a coincidence Sir – my nickname is Masher.”

  109. 109
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    Let me bring you up to date sir: the meek have inherited the Earth.

  110. 110
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    do you know who I am officer ?

    Sir we refer to you as the deceased

  111. 111
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    An old basket! Have you seen my wife?

  112. 112
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said have you forgotten you combination lock, not, just feck off conservative cock.

  113. 113
    shakespeare says:

    Much ado about nothing

  114. 114
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    MITCHELL
    Oficer have you got a semi or are you just pleased to see me?

  115. 115
    Gonk says:

    ‘Now sir, about that scrumping apples incident of 1963′

  116. 116
    The voice of unreason says:

    Yes, that’s right sir, if you just leave the bicycle there, then stand against the wall and make sure you face me …

  117. 117
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    I know. It’s impossible to make contemporaneous notes carrying this lot.

  118. 118
    Ed Balls ate my cat says:

    Cop: You’re the biggest disgrace to cyclists since Lance Armstrong

  119. 119
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    cock , cop and two smoking barells

  120. 120
    Chief Constable Bent B'tard says:

    I wasn’t even at Sheffield 23 years ago.

  121. 121
    Ed Balls ate my cat says:

    AM: “I’m telling you I’m the Chief Whip!!”

    Cop: “Oh Sir, have they not told you..?”

  122. 122
    Mr Plum says:

    Mitchell – I say my good fellow would you awfully mind opening the gate.
    Fuzz – Sod off Hovis boy, use the delivery entrance.

  123. 123
    When I was a boy the police were over 12 says:

    ” Andy Burman“one of the great injustices of the twenty-first century”, completely agree with you sir. “

  124. 124
    Moussa Koussa says:

    You might be a Pleb, but I’m a Privileged Pleb

  125. 125
    Leroy Jenkins says:

    Copper: “Do you want a blindfold”

    Mitchell: “No a Man faces his death, even if it takes f***in ages to come”

    P.S. In the unlikely event that I win, give the tickets to someone else, I’ll be out of the country :-D

  126. 126
    Patrick says:

    When I see a high bird, pass me the gun, Smithers.

  127. 127
    illogical says:

    Assume the position ! ? *

  128. 128
    Denis McShane's Shed says:

    Even more shit, surely?

  129. 129
    Credit to you says:

    Simply

    Hovis? Back entrance.

  130. 130
    Steve Miliband says:

    Phil and Grants brother caught stealing a bike

  131. 131
    Col Nut says:

    “You’re on a double yellow you silver topped four-eyed fucker. Let go of the basket and lie face down. “

  132. 132
    Purpleline says:

    Mitchell ‘Thank gawd-on (sic) for that massive budget deficit, I know you do not possess any bullets young man’ The Cuts the Cuts saved by the cuts.

  133. 133
    ToonBob... says:

    oops sorry should read “Old man in blue tie gets ready to hurl a cycle of abuse”

  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    it wasn’t me officer, promise. it was my body double.

  135. 135
    sekwaf odiug says:

    Ok foureyes, come from behind that car where I can see you, and raise your hands above your head, don’t try anything silly

  136. 136
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    “…and when you need a copper…”

  137. 137
    Nonny's anonymous Uncle says:

    Possibly, but don’t call me Shirley.

  138. 138

    We’ll be sorry to see you go that way Moussey.

    (Actually, we won’t)

  139. 139
    He fought the police and....the police won !!! says:

    PC PLEB: ” Just a random stop sir…if I could ask you to show me your ID ?”

    AM: ” Look you(expletive deleted) this is the 6th time I’ve been asked to show my ID since I left No10..I’ve only walked 50 yds !!”

    PC PLEB: ” Quite understand sir but apparently you asked one of my colleagues if he knew who you were and we’re just checking to make sure so thatwe don’t make the same mistake again !”

  140. 140
    Geordieboy says:

    Does that gun fire blanks like me?

  141. 141
    Patrick says:

    Jump to my man, and give me a hand getting my bike out of the bonnet of this car.

  142. 142
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Carefully assessing the situation, Andy Mitchell quickly realised that, as between him and a copper armed to the teeth, it was clear who had the “Whip” hand…

  143. 143
    UKIP.i.am.awake says:

    Watch out old man or I will crush you against that wall and the establishment will keep it quiet for 23 years.

  144. 144
    Patrick says:

    Jones, I can see some frightful little oik behind you. A shot over his head will you.

  145. 145

    Good one – I like that!

  146. 146

    (Corrie that is)

  147. 147
    Patrick says:

    (Whispers) “They’ve tried to botox me, so I can’t talk.”

  148. 148

    @Bob and Wendy

    OK. OK. I know that. I did study architecture at Cambridge you know.

    This is a caption contest. The clue was in the words wit-fest. ;-)

  149. 149
    Andrew W says:

    Mitchell, now a basket case

  150. 150
    pleb says:

    First funny response!

  151. 151
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Sue calling me a tosser, I can take. But you calling me a pleb…?

  152. 152

    Sir, I am arresting you for being in possession of an offensive attitude. You are not obliged to say anything, but everything you have said would suggest you start running, as I thinking something beginning with “FIRED!!”

  153. 153
    the fish says:

    Mitchell; ”You fucking pleb”

    PC; ”Sorry Sir, incorrect password”

  154. 154
    Steve Miliband says:

    Sorry sir, heard you preferred to use the back entrance

  155. 155
    You couldn't make it up says:

    The only thing in the basket is the Nobel Peace Prize, Officer. No, honestly, it’s been awarded to the EU for something about my predecessor Warsi.

  156. 156
    Messenger boy says:

    David wants you to resign….or else.

  157. 157
    verticalwater says:

    Senior officer……… “Shoot the fucking tyres out! That’ll stop I’m”.

  158. 158
    Dark_Blue_Box says:

    You appear to have sh*t yourself sir,

  159. 159
    robbie says:

    Good afternoon, sir. I’d like to show you the slot I’ve found to park your bike.

  160. 160
    Tom Tomos says:

    Should have studied bricklaying. I think that the previous comments were in the spirit of post-ironic deconstructionism. I don’t know what the mortar is though. Anybody?

  161. 161
    Kryptikmo says:

    Cyclist scratches plain-clothes car; police accused of disproportionate response.

  162. 162
    Patrick says:

    GoodGod – that man’s wearing suede shoes in Town.

  163. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Put the bike down, Sir and step away from the cabinet.

  164. 164
    Lycan says:

    “Are you feeling lucky, pleb?…. are ya?!”

  165. 165
    Gary Marsala says:

    What an utterly deaf little epsilon you are, I said plod not pleb and I didn’t say oink I said oik. for god sake listen you chav.

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    I assure you officer…..this is not the bicycle that has been attributed to me.

  167. 167
    Anonymous says:

    “Plebstalvista posh boy”

  168. 168
    Anonymous says:

    “Anything you dont say will be mistaken down and used as evidence against you”

  169. 169
    Tony says:

    “If it weren’t for Police cut-backs I wouldn’t have this cheap Chinese copy of an MP5 which keeps jamming all the time and I’d be able to shoot the fucker!”

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    Strange caption – and you fire a gun, you don’t shoot it.

    Strewth, what an ignorant git.

  171. 171
    YorkshireLad says:

    “NOW call me a pleb”

  172. 172
    MP5 vs MP says:

    Spread the privilege or I spread the bullets.

  173. 173
    S.S. says:

    You will go a long way in life pleb, having a torch on your gun in daylight?

  174. 174
    S.S. says:

    Call me a pleb again, and I shoot my self in the foot.

  175. 175
    M says:

    Called Socialist , to be fiar , would up set most people

  176. 176
    Lord Mandelbum of Fondleboys says:

    Er, look, I’m really, really sorry this time PC Pleb. Can I keep my job now?

  177. 177
    Labour voters are sick in the Ed says:

    Policeman…….. ‘We hate all Tories ’cause they made us do our job properly, so I’m going to say you called me a rude name, and my Union & the Labour Party will back me to the hilt’.

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:

    I told Mr Cameron the words I used at the time and the Prime Minister believed me .

  179. 179
    Anonymous says:

    AM: “Oi Pleb, wheres the F**KING Gate”

  180. 180
    Anonymous says:

    Policeman: “Can you get off the pavement. We have told you before, you must use the main gate not the footpath”

  181. 181
    In One Shot says:

    Pleb ‘n basket case.

  182. 182
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “can’t wait to see you fully cocked”…not you Little Red Planet!!

  183. 183
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “I have no ‘fork’ an’ chance…and nor do you Plebmesiter”

  184. 184
    The Met's Finest says:

    Oi you with the girls bike, are you queer!

  185. 185
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    Does that cement the prize if i do?

  186. 186
    M says:

    No sir it’s camera you just look down the end and wait for the flash .

  187. 187
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    In the ‘frame’ for a prize there Bonnie Lad!!

  188. 188
    The Met's Finest says:

    Kid, armed to teeth decides whether to take out lying politician.

  189. 189
    savebulletsHangthemall says:

    Winner. Hands Down

  190. 190
    Tough On Crime Tough On The Causes Of Crime says:

    Cop about to shoot OAP bicycle thief.

  191. 191
    Living in 98 percent white (and 99.9% kuffar) Merseyside says:

    To protect fine upright politicians like him of course.

  192. 192
    The Winner says:

    ^This

  193. 193
    Lizzie says:

    Step away from the bike or I’ll put one in your other foot … sir.

  194. 194
    I'm Considerably More Important Than You says:

    A good representation of Mitchell in action, minus his plummy Rugby voice:

  195. 195
    Fair to Miserable says:

    Yeah thats right up against the wall with your effing girls bike

  196. 196
    the furry fish says:

    psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
    “Have you got a flat sir”

  197. 197
    Willer says:

    Do you know who I am? I guess you do by now. Well, do you know who my father is?

  198. 198
    Nick says:

    I think you mean the Bard’s lesser-known Pericles, Prince of Tyre

  199. 199
    All Whipped Out says:

    Old political has been spotted by old foe now delivering groceries for Harrods.

  200. 200
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Don’t know who you are sir.
    There is a resemblance to Jimmy Savile

  201. 201
    All Whipped Out says:

    Flash git meets muzzle flash.

  202. 202
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    Say you’re on you way to No.10. Then why the blue tie?

  203. 203
    Rowley Pugh says:

    !0, I said, 10 seconds start!

  204. 204
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “So let me get this straight…some pleb has put superglue on your handlebar…”

  205. 205
    On the Fence says:

    My Sarge says its open season on grouse!

  206. 206
    Rue de la Loi says:

    I’m going to shoot you in the foot, or, noblesse oblige, would Sir like to do it himself?

  207. 207
    cynic says:

    “Would you prefer with or without the blindfold, Sir”

  208. 208
    Maverick Ways says:

    Mitch: Sit in the basket, Officer, and I’ll do an E T. We’ll show ‘em that pigs can fly.

  209. 209
    anonymouse says:

    You misheard me sir I said “that’s a big lock on that bike”.

  210. 210
    Bagsofsmoke says:

    To misquote Socrates, Mr Mitchell, “The hour of departure has arrived and we go our ways; you to die, and this pleb to live.” Now stand still, Sir, and i’ll make it quick.

  211. 211
    Hobsbarmy says:

    Hunfortunately hi am not hauthorised to shoot to kill, Sir, but honly to shoot to disable. However hif you persist hin using hhhoffensive language, you may need consider a model without a crossbar. Sir!

  212. 212
    Cato says:

    This fires dum dum rounds…should suit you nicely, sir!

  213. 213
    ButcombeMan says:

    I’ve done with verballing you Mr Mitchell.

    Now Kratos rules apply.

    We”ll teach you who runs this country.

  214. 214
    Horrible safari explosion says:

    These things have a nasty reputation for going off accidentally Mr Mitchell. Especially when operated by plebs…

  215. 215
    BrianKinneyRocks says:

    >30 W I N N E R – by a mile

  216. 216
    WPC PennyDredful says:

    ARMED POLICE!
    STEP AWAY FROM THE BASKET OR I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT!

  217. 217
    Budgie says:

    Mitchell: “Do you want to put your weapon in my basket, Hossifer?

  218. 218
    Baldy says:

    No officer, I wasn’t saying anything against ordinary people, ALL the LibLabCon are against a plebiscite.

  219. 219
    Anonymong says:

    “Grocery deliverers have to use the rear gate, sir”

  220. 220
    sekwaf odiug says:

    No wrought ironast iron would probably break if rammed by a truck

  221. 221
    sekwaf odiug says:

    Tha keeps tryin’ Moose

  222. 222
    Lizzie says:

    If you say no-one will believe the Police version of events and mention Hillsborough once more you’ll regret it … sir.

  223. 223
    Pleb McPlod says:

    The game’s up Mr Mitchell. Another step and I’m putting you on the Nobel 2013 short list.

  224. 224
    Baldy says:

    It was an odd comment for a mere policeman to make, and so Mitchell had unwisely challenged him to prove how a few red dots on his tie would make him more acceptable to the public.

  225. 225
    Dummitt says:

    This appears to be a basket case.

  226. 226
    Another one bites the dust says:

    And what is your final word on any matter…… Sir?

    “Fcuk off you effing pl*eb I’m more effing important & effing superior”

  227. 227
    Mr Sidney Goldbars of East Cheam & has Never Voted for ZanuLieLabor says:

    3rd Prize is a Week with Gordon McMental listening to how

    he totally fcuked the economy in 13 years…….

  228. 228
    Bob The Builder says:

    @Tom – more of an ironic post about construction, but you were close.

  229. 229
    Spartacus says:

    Yes, clear winner.

  230. 230
    Bob The Builder says:

    Oh, and the mortar is NHL 3.5 lime and sand with a pinch of fly ash.

  231. 231
    Anonymous says:

    Do’nt forget the extras from the lady boy in the shadows !!!

  232. 232
    DDC says:

    Up against the wall, motherfucker

  233. 233
    Neil Robertson says:

    ‘Uzi?’ (armed policeman fails to recognise Chief Whip) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Uzi_1.jpg

  234. 234
    Anon says:

    New Police security measures around Downing Street have unexpected effect on cyclists trying to enter through gates.

  235. 235
    Anonymous says:

    Golly gosh, the badgers are fighting back

  236. 236
    Anonymous says:

    He’ll never shoot me while I’m having a shit

  237. 237
    The mong Harwood says:

    ‘Ere sarge, this geezer’s looking well Brazillian and wearing an unseasonably warm tie, shall I lose a few rounds in his belly?

  238. 238
    Andy says:

    Policeman to ChiefWhip
    “You are fucking lucky that there is a camera here or I’d stick this up your arse”

  239. 239
    Dirty Harry Filth says:

    Sarge to mong:
    Lots of shouting (and what sounded like a bit of a singsong) from Threats, Weapons, Anti-Terrorism Control, but the woman in charge decided to put it to a vote so she wouldn’t be in the wrong and the decision outcome is to proceed with proven best practice:

    – we don’t know if this is the right target (haven’t really practiced this)
    – we do know how to shoot (practiced with lots of bullets)

    so play to our strengths and go for the headshots.

  240. 240
    Rightallalong says:

    Good morning Ms. Eagle

  241. 241
    DR says:

    Got to shortlist this one!

  242. 242
    DR says:

    A wonderful exchange of opinions here!

  243. 243
    DR says:

    Gotta be a candidate!

  244. 244
    evad666 says:

    That Bicycle Lock looks like an offensive weapon to me sir.
    But the bike against the wall slowly and step away from it we eo not want to chip the paintwork do we.

  245. 245
    Pleb says:

    “It’s OK, I’m sure I can Raleigh some support.”

    Number 30 to win though pls, just about died laughing at that.

  246. 246
    Robert Peston's speech therapist says:

    Good morning Sir. I believe you are about to get punctured.

  247. 247
    13eastie says:

    “It’s more than my job’s worth.”

  248. 248
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Ding Ding

    Dead man walking

  249. 249
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Ex Chief Whip follows Tebbit Advice

  250. 250
    Steve mid says:

    Psssst..what’s a pleb

  251. 251
    Eric Frogspawn says:

    I’m afraid I can’t let you through until I’ve seen your Cycling Proficiency Test certificate Sir

  252. 252
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Mitchell: “Officer – in all matters I refer you to your colleagues’ conduct at altering their statements and the truth Re: Hillsborough. In other words officer – who opened the gate?”. “Now kindly do one”.

  253. 253
    daveyone1 says:

    “It is times like this I wish I was related to the Mitchell Brothers!”

  254. 254
  255. 255
    theknight says:

    Are we a police state?

  256. 256
    theknight says:

    It’s a bit much now picking on bicyclists

  257. 257
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    So Bovis man…’fly ash’…I seem to recall that if i catch ‘em with my lighter they simply sizzle into a smelly mess…per chance is there an optimum temperature and how may flies constitute enough ash for the ash component of lime and sand for say 2 Accrington Bricks? I am bloody fascinated now..sod the competition (and its pointless prize!!). Cheers CL’As

  258. 258
    theknight says:

    We run this place. If we don’t put you down now, we’ll take you out in six months time….

  259. 259
    theknight says:

    Tell Dave we are coming after him next…

  260. 260
    theknight says:

    You don’t get it. We will tell whatever lies it takes to bring you down.

  261. 261
    theknight says:

    Silly man. Don’t come onto me with all the polite words. Your like has to do as they are told now…

  262. 262
    theknight says:

    Got the police federation on my side. Don’t even think it….

  263. 263
    theknight says:

    I still have got Dave on my side…….I hope

  264. 264
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    PULL!

  265. 265
    idonotbelieveit says:

    I warn you now Lord Pottymouth, I’m not in the mood today. If you want to argue the toss have a word with my mate Mr Heckler and Koch

  266. 266
    Tom Catesby says:

    Call me a pleb now you bastard!

  267. 267
    Andrew K says:

    Say ‘pleb’ again. Say ‘pleb’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say ‘pleb’one more Goddamn time!

  268. 268
    dbopenlock says:

    Mitchell: ” Come and get me coppers! Look Ma, i’m on top of the world”


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George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

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