October 12th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Mitchell Against the Wall Edition)

The winner of this week’s wit-fest will receive two tickets to the Spectator Debate on the evening of Monday 29th October. It’s the battle of the Chancellors – George Osborne isn’t working – we need a Plan B’ -  Lord Lamont V Alistair Darling.

On the panel with Darling will be David Blanchflower and Lord Oakeshott.  With Lamont, Sajid Javid MP and one further speaker.

Usual rules apply…

Pic: @politicalpictures

268 Comments

  1. 1

    Sorry Sir, I still had the safety on, would you mind just repeating that last bit…?

    Like

  2. 2
    Steve Miliband says:

    Rugby Wall game not as good as Eton’s

    Like

  3. 3
    Robertson Barley says:

    Just say the magic word sir, and I’ll let you through.

    Like

  4. 4
    Kebab Time says:

    “No, i said “fucking plod” officer”

    Or

    Officer > “One way you will be fired”

    Like

  5. 5
    Liarpoliticians says:

    Say a word and I’ll blow your nuts off!

    Like

  6. 6
    Weybridgeman says:

    Is that a bicycle pump in your hand or are you just pleased to see me…….Sir!

    Like

  7. 7
    Enemy of the State says:

    The nice thing about living in America in a pro gun state is that last week I was at an outdoor range shooting the same gun the copper has.

    Like

  8. 8
    Malcolm Tucker says:

    “‘…….effing Pleb!”

    “……..effing Basket !!”

    Like

  9. 9
    Centre Parting says:

    Hold on Constable, can you just check with the Masons first?

    Like

  10. 10
    Glyn H says:

    WHF is a sodding copper walking around armed?

    Like

    • 191
      Living in 98 percent white (and 99.9% kuffar) Merseyside says:

      To protect fine upright politicians like him of course.

      Like

  11. 11
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have an apple in each pocket

    Like

  12. 12
    Gordon the Medicated says:

    The winner of this week’s wit-fest will receive two tickets to the Spectator Debate on the evening of Monday 29th October. It’s the battle of the Chancellors – ‘George Osborne isn’t working – we need a Plan B’ – Lord Lamont V Alistair Darling.

    What’s the second prize?

    Like

  13. 13
    IanPJ says:

    Mitchell, just back with the groceries, prepares to whip up something unspeakable.

    Like

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    “Sir, I need you to take off your shirt and give me your phone.

    We are conducting routine searches for offensive T shirts and twitter messages. I need an MP5 to protect myself from being offended.”

    Like

  15. 15
    njw says:

    What was that about being a pleb?

    Like

  16. 16

    To reduce his unpopularity, Mitchell considers changing his name to Sir Jimmy Saville.

    Like

  17. 17

    Mixed reviews at the unveiling of the new Victoria Pleberton range.

    Like

  18. 18
    les says:

    Lying note changing coppers!! #Hillsborough

    Like

  19. 19

    Armed unit called to investigate a stupid old basket.

    Like

  20. 20
    Tom Wilson says:

    If I stand still he might not see me.

    Like

  21. 21
    Tom Tomos says:

    I’m going to fill you full of P(le)B

    (Think about it)

    Like

  22. 22
    Raving Loon says:

    This little pleb had an MP5…

    Like

  23. 23
    Deep Froat says:

    Just step back against the wall and close your eyes sir….

    Like

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Heckler & Cock

    Like

  25. 25

    No I am not the man from the Pru

    Like

  26. 26
    paddybriggs says:

    “Excuse me Mr Hockney but you can’t smoke here.”

    Like

  27. 28

    You’re quite sure Officer? Under the 2002 terrorism act the penalty for failure to stop at a gate is death by firing squad?

    Like

  28. 29
    Steve Miliband says:

    Mitchell looks shocked as he sees Gordon in Westminster

    Like

  29. 31
    DiggersDog says:

    “Let me go or the basket case gets it.”

    Like

    • 261
      theknight says:

      Silly man. Don’t come onto me with all the polite words. Your like has to do as they are told now…

      Like

  30. 32
    Dick the Prick says:

    Plod starts crying after someone calls him a socialist twat

    Like

  31. 33
    Tom Tomos says:

    With apologies to Mr F Mercury

    I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride my bike
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride it where I like

    Like

  32. 34
    Moussa Koussa says:

    “”I’d recommend a head shot sir, quick and pain free””

    Like

  33. 36
    David says:

    “Can you let me back in again please officer”

    Like

  34. 36

    If you move two paces to your left and turn 180* sir, you’ll clearly see the writing is on the wall.

    Like

  35. 39
    Dick the Prick says:

    Sir Norman Bettison misheard Sir Jimmy Savile’s instruction to just beat them with a whip.

    Like

  36. 40
    Moussa Koussa says:

    “””Its called a bicycle sir, you ride them by moving the pedals””

    Like

  37. 41
    Del Boy says:

    Pleb Meets Plod

    What a pair of Ponkers Rodders

    Like

  38. 42
    Simon Harley says:

    “Right, you fucking pleb. Shoot Yvette Cooper’s Balls off.”

    Like

  39. 43
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Policeman : “Be on yer bike, pleb!”

    Like

  40. 44
    Widescreen2010 says:

    Run that ‘Pleb’ thing past me again…

    Like

  41. 46
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Don’t shoot, don’t shoot, you f****** pleb!

    Like

  42. 47
    Dick the Prick says:

    Mitchell “so how many Scouse plebs have you killed today then?”

    Like

  43. 48
    I Squiggle says:

    “Excuse me Officer, can you tell me the way to the Job Centre?”

    Like

  44. 50
    George Dixon of Dock Green says:

    I am a what???

    Like

  45. 51
    fruitcake says:

    Right, I’ve got the uniform, you’ve got the shackles and oh, you did have a whip didn’t you?

    Like

  46. 52

    Mitchell says “my statement was factually accurate . Unless you really do know the difference between a Mote Spoon and a Runcible Spoon?”

    Like

  47. 53
    Moussa Koussa says:

    This is a ‘Heckler & Koch Mark 23’ pistol sir, whereas you are a ‘Fecking Cock Mark 1’.

    Like

    • 57
      smoggie says:

      This week’s prize doesn’t appeal to me either.

      Like

    • 62
      Moussa Koussa says:

      ….there as just so many

      This is a ‘Armsel Striker Semi Automatic’ sir, whereas you are a ‘Arsewipe Stinker Fully Automongtory’.

      Like

      • 77
        smoggie says:

        If it was a bottle of decent malt up for grabs I’m sure you’d do better than that.

        Like

        • 87
          Moussa Koussa says:

          …another for you smoggie

          This is a ‘LMT-Defender Semi-automatic carbine’ sir, whereas you are a ‘MP- Defenceless Floppy Haired Automongtory Carbuncle’

          Like

          • Moussa Koussa says:

            “No sir, it isnt a Taser, but you are a Tosser”

            Like

          • Moussa Koussa says:

            oh bugger..that should have been

            This is a ‘LMT-Defender Semi-automatic carbine’ sir, whereas you are a ‘XMP- Defenceless Floppy Haired Automongtory Carbuncle’

            Like

  48. 54
    Steve mid says:

    Right….run ya bastard…….

    Like

  49. 55
    I Squiggle says:

    Right, I’ll just need to check your lights, tyres, safety helmet. Shouldn’t take more than 5 hours. In a hurry.. SIR?

    Like

  50. 56
    Mick says:

    “Go ahead, make my day”

    Like

    • 86
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      “In all this commotion, I sorta forgot– is the safety on, or not? Are you feeling lucky, punk?”

      Like

  51. 58

    My! I thought the wall was Double English Cross bond for a moment but on closer inspection it appears to be English Double Cross bond.

    Like

  52. 59
    Deranged Cop. says:

    “I have £25,000 of tuition fees because of you MOTHER FUCKER….

    Like

  53. 60
    gramma says:

    Remake of Dixon of Dock Green- Hell Bent copper and the Blue Lump

    Like

  54. 61
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    *sings* ‘Raindrops keep falling on my head…..’

    Like

  55. 63
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “Can’t fool me Meester Meetchal I know you’re Brasilian”

    Like

  56. 64
    Steve Miliband says:

    The strain begins to tell on Lance Armstrong

    Like

  57. 65
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    ‘E.T. go home..’

    Like

  58. 67
    Granville says:

    I was told to ask for a Mr K-k-weir St-st-starmer.

    Like

  59. 68
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Must hurry officer, I don’t want to be late for my cycling lesson with Lance Armstrong.

    Like

  60. 70
    Observer says:

    I must warn you, officer, that I have a friendship with David Cameron and I’m not afraid to use it.

    Like

  61. 71
    a non says:

    Gum fight at the Downing Street corral.

    Like

  62. 72
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    PC Plod: “And what’s with that bicycle lock, sir? Are you implying that, although the whole street is swarming with heavily-armed police officers, that somehow we’d let your bike go missing? What do you take us for, anyway? Oh hold on, I think we already know the answer to that…”

    Like

  63. 73
    Nick says:

    Are those gates as cast-iron as a Dave promise?

    Like

  64. 74
    Patrick says:

    What do you mean that I can’t use this on your grouse moor, sir?

    Like

  65. 75

    If you let me through I’ve got some things I know your sort like in my basket.
    Half a fresh baguette and two tickets to Gerry Cottels.

    Like

  66. 76
    Sweeney, The says:

    The only time you can wink and smile at a politician is when you take aim…

    Like

  67. 77
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Would you like a last cigarette sir?

    Like

  68. 80
    Tooms says:

    If the rumours are to be believed he was getting ready to shoot his load into a fucking pleb.

    Like

  69. 81
    Loungelizard says:

    Officer ‘Stick your hands up ya bum’
    Mitchell ‘Up my where ?’

    Apologies to Sid Snott AKA K Everett ESQ.

    Like

  70. 82
    I Squiggle says:

    Well, you say you didn’t cycle through that red light Sir, that you were just ‘wheeling it’. But I have 17 witnesses that say you did, and they are MPs, party colleagues of yours as well. So what do you think the Judge will do, take the word of a police officer, or the word of MPs?

    Like

  71. 83
    smoggie says:

    Officer into his mouthpiece, “Have you noticed, that patricians seem to be getting older every day?”

    Like

  72. 84
    Anonymous says:

    I say Plod old chap would you mind awfully just keep an eye on my chariot for an hour or so while I pop up to Fortnums for some quince jelly and a bottle of Shampoo?

    Like

  73. 85
    Shoot when ready says:

    Police reveal their latest cardboard target practice cutout.

    Like

  74. 89
    Peter Grant says:

    Police Officer: “Ok Sir, are you sure (cocks weapon) about not taking that job in Rwanda?”

    Like

  75. 91
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said you are a basket case, not put your case in the basket

    Like

  76. 92
    Ed Balls (Complete with Bradley Wiggins sideburns) says:

    Old Bill ” Make sure you ain’t Chief Whip at the end of October 2012,Sir. I have a huge bet with the bookies that you’ll be gone.”

    Like

    • 142
      Tay King-dePisse says:

      Carefully assessing the situation, Andy Mitchell quickly realised that, as between him and a copper armed to the teeth, it was clear who had the “Whip” hand…

      Like

  77. 93
    Concurrently says:

    “Have you got a licence for that?”

    Like

  78. 95
    movie buff says:

    Unforgiven.

    Shame.

    The Good, the Bad and Yvette Cooper.

    High Noon

    Pale Rider

    Like

  79. 97
    The short arse in Blue. says:

    If Sir can find sixteen million for the president of Rwanda then surely Sir can spare a few quid for the police benevolent fund.

    Like

  80. 98
    dog says:

    Andrew Mitchell: The First up against the wall when the revolution came.

    Like

  81. 99
    ToonBob... says:

    Old man in blue tie gets ready to hurl a cycle of abusive :)

    Like

  82. 100
    Maverick Ways says:

    Cop: I’m re-loading, sir.

    Mitch: I’m freeloading, pleb.

    Like

  83. 101
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    Plebby !
    Aim!
    FIRED!

    Like

  84. 102
    the furry fish says:

    psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

    Like

  85. 103
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir it isn’t a “Uzi 9mm”, but I guess “You’ll be back” after the next reshuffle.

    Like

  86. 104
    Maverick Ways says:

    Cop: Now, Mr Mitchell, shall we just go over again exactly what you did say?

    Like

  87. 105
    Ghost of Greg Stone says:

    Copper: On your bike sonny.
    Mitchell: I’ll be going soon.

    Like

  88. 107
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said you are a helmet, not, dont forget your headware

    Like

  89. 108
    L R says:

    “What a coincidence Sir – my nickname is Masher.”

    Like

  90. 109
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    Let me bring you up to date sir: the meek have inherited the Earth.

    Like

  91. 110
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    do you know who I am officer ?

    Sir we refer to you as the deceased

    Like

  92. 111
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    An old basket! Have you seen my wife?

    Like

  93. 111
    Moussa Koussa says:

    No sir, I said have you forgotten you combination lock, not, just feck off conservative cock.

    Like

  94. 113
    shakespeare says:

    Much ado about nothing

    Like

  95. 114
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    MITCHELL
    Oficer have you got a semi or are you just pleased to see me?

    Like

  96. 115
    Gonk says:

    ‘Now sir, about that scrumping apples incident of 1963′

    Like

  97. 117
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    I know. It’s impossible to make contemporaneous notes carrying this lot.

    Like

  98. 118
    Ed Balls ate my cat says:

    Cop: You’re the biggest disgrace to cyclists since Lance Armstrong

    Like

  99. 119
    The Beast of Moscow says:

    cock , cop and two smoking barells

    Like

  100. 120
    Chief Constable Bent B'tard says:

    I wasn’t even at Sheffield 23 years ago.

    Like

  101. 121
    Ed Balls ate my cat says:

    AM: “I’m telling you I’m the Chief Whip!!”

    Cop: “Oh Sir, have they not told you..?”

    Like

  102. 122
    Mr Plum says:

    Mitchell – I say my good fellow would you awfully mind opening the gate.
    Fuzz – Sod off Hovis boy, use the delivery entrance.

    Like

  103. 123
    When I was a boy the police were over 12 says:

    ” Andy Burman“one of the great injustices of the twenty-first century”, completely agree with you sir. “

    Like

  104. 124
    Moussa Koussa says:

    You might be a Pleb, but I’m a Privileged Pleb

    Like

  105. 125
    Leroy Jenkins says:

    Copper: “Do you want a blindfold”

    Mitchell: “No a Man faces his death, even if it takes f***in ages to come”

    P.S. In the unlikely event that I win, give the tickets to someone else, I’ll be out of the country :-D

    Like

  106. 126
    Patrick says:

    When I see a high bird, pass me the gun, Smithers.

    Like

  107. 127
    illogical says:

    Assume the position ! ? *

    Like

  108. 130
    Steve Miliband says:

    Phil and Grants brother caught stealing a bike

    Like

  109. 131
    Col Nut says:

    “You’re on a double yellow you silver topped four-eyed fucker. Let go of the basket and lie face down. “

    Like

  110. 132
    Purpleline says:

    Mitchell ‘Thank gawd-on (sic) for that massive budget deficit, I know you do not possess any bullets young man’ The Cuts the Cuts saved by the cuts.

    Like

  111. 135
    sekwaf odiug says:

    Ok foureyes, come from behind that car where I can see you, and raise your hands above your head, don’t try anything silly

    Like

  112. 136
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    “…and when you need a copper…”

    Like

  113. 139
    He fought the police and....the police won !!! says:

    PC PLEB: ” Just a random stop sir…if I could ask you to show me your ID ?”

    AM: ” Look you(expletive deleted) this is the 6th time I’ve been asked to show my ID since I left No10..I’ve only walked 50 yds !!”

    PC PLEB: ” Quite understand sir but apparently you asked one of my colleagues if he knew who you were and we’re just checking to make sure so thatwe don’t make the same mistake again !”

    Like

  114. 140
    Geordieboy says:

    Does that gun fire blanks like me?

    Like

  115. 141
    Patrick says:

    Jump to my man, and give me a hand getting my bike out of the bonnet of this car.

    Like

  116. 144
    Patrick says:

    Jones, I can see some frightful little oik behind you. A shot over his head will you.

    Like

  117. 147
    Patrick says:

    (Whispers) “They’ve tried to botox me, so I can’t talk.”

    Like

  118. 149
    Andrew W says:

    Mitchell, now a basket case

    Like

  119. 151
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Sue calling me a tosser, I can take. But you calling me a pleb…?

    Like

  120. 153
    the fish says:

    Mitchell; ”You fucking pleb”

    PC; ”Sorry Sir, incorrect password”

    Like

  121. 154
    Steve Miliband says:

    Sorry sir, heard you preferred to use the back entrance

    Like

  122. 155
    You couldn't make it up says:

    The only thing in the basket is the Nobel Peace Prize, Officer. No, honestly, it’s been awarded to the EU for something about my predecessor Warsi.

    Like

  123. 156
    Messenger boy says:

    David wants you to resign….or else.

    Like

  124. 157
    verticalwater says:

    Senior officer……… “Shoot the fucking tyres out! That’ll stop I’m”.

    Like

  125. 158
    Dark_Blue_Box says:

    You appear to have sh*t yourself sir,

    Like

  126. 159
    robbie says:

    Good afternoon, sir. I’d like to show you the slot I’ve found to park your bike.

    Like

  127. 161
    Kryptikmo says:

    Cyclist scratches plain-clothes car; police accused of disproportionate response.

    Like

  128. 162
    Patrick says:

    GoodGod – that man’s wearing suede shoes in Town.

    Like

  129. 163
    Anonymous says:

    Put the bike down, Sir and step away from the cabinet.

    Like

  130. 165
    Gary Marsala says:

    What an utterly deaf little epsilon you are, I said plod not pleb and I didn’t say oink I said oik. for god sake listen you chav.

    Like

  131. 166
    Anonymous says:

    I assure you officer…..this is not the bicycle that has been attributed to me.

    Like

  132. 167
    Anonymous says:

    “Plebstalvista posh boy”

    Like

  133. 168
    Anonymous says:

    “Anything you dont say will be mistaken down and used as evidence against you”

    Like

  134. 169
    Tony says:

    “If it weren’t for Police cut-backs I wouldn’t have this cheap Chinese copy of an MP5 which keeps jamming all the time and I’d be able to shoot the fucker!”

    Like

  135. 171
    YorkshireLad says:

    “NOW call me a pleb”

    Like

  136. 172
    MP5 vs MP says:

    Spread the privilege or I spread the bullets.

    Like

  137. 173
    S.S. says:

    You will go a long way in life pleb, having a torch on your gun in daylight?

    Like

  138. 174
    S.S. says:

    Call me a pleb again, and I shoot my self in the foot.

    Like

  139. 177
    Labour voters are sick in the Ed says:

    Policeman…….. ‘We hate all Tories ’cause they made us do our job properly, so I’m going to say you called me a rude name, and my Union & the Labour Party will back me to the hilt’.

    Like

  140. 178
    Anonymous says:

    I told Mr Cameron the words I used at the time and the Prime Minister believed me .

    Like

  141. 179
    Anonymous says:

    AM: “Oi Pleb, wheres the F**KING Gate”

    Like

  142. 180
    Anonymous says:

    Policeman: “Can you get off the pavement. We have told you before, you must use the main gate not the footpath”

    Like

  143. 181
    In One Shot says:

    Pleb ‘n basket case.

    Like

  144. 184
    The Met's Finest says:

    Oi you with the girls bike, are you queer!

    Like

  145. 186
    M says:

    No sir it’s camera you just look down the end and wait for the flash .

    Like

  146. 188
    The Met's Finest says:

    Kid, armed to teeth decides whether to take out lying politician.

    Like

  147. 190
    Tough On Crime Tough On The Causes Of Crime says:

    Cop about to shoot OAP bicycle thief.

    Like

  148. 193
    Lizzie says:

    Step away from the bike or I’ll put one in your other foot … sir.

    Like

  149. 194
    I'm Considerably More Important Than You says:

    A good representation of Mitchell in action, minus his plummy Rugby voice:

    Like

  150. 195
    Fair to Miserable says:

    Yeah thats right up against the wall with your effing girls bike

    Like

  151. 196
    the furry fish says:

    psssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
    “Have you got a flat sir”

    Like

  152. 197
    Willer says:

    Do you know who I am? I guess you do by now. Well, do you know who my father is?

    Like

  153. 199
    All Whipped Out says:

    Old political has been spotted by old foe now delivering groceries for Harrods.

    Like

  154. 200
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Don’t know who you are sir.
    There is a resemblance to Jimmy Savile

    Like

  155. 201
    All Whipped Out says:

    Flash git meets muzzle flash.

    Like

  156. 202
    When I was a boy the poor were skinny says:

    Say you’re on you way to No.10. Then why the blue tie?

    Like

  157. 203
    Rowley Pugh says:

    !0, I said, 10 seconds start!

    Like

  158. 204
    Corrie L'Anus says:

    “So let me get this straight…some pleb has put superglue on your handlebar…”

    Like

  159. 205
    On the Fence says:

    My Sarge says its open season on grouse!

    Like

  160. 206
    Rue de la Loi says:

    I’m going to shoot you in the foot, or, noblesse oblige, would Sir like to do it himself?

    Like

  161. 207
    cynic says:

    “Would you prefer with or without the blindfold, Sir”

    Like

  162. 208
    Maverick Ways says:

    Mitch: Sit in the basket, Officer, and I’ll do an E T. We’ll show ‘em that pigs can fly.

    Like

  163. 210
    Bagsofsmoke says:

    To misquote Socrates, Mr Mitchell, “The hour of departure has arrived and we go our ways; you to die, and this pleb to live.” Now stand still, Sir, and i’ll make it quick.

    Like

  164. 211
    Hobsbarmy says:

    Hunfortunately hi am not hauthorised to shoot to kill, Sir, but honly to shoot to disable. However hif you persist hin using hhhoffensive language, you may need consider a model without a crossbar. Sir!

    Like

  165. 212
    Cato says:

    This fires dum dum rounds…should suit you nicely, sir!

    Like

  166. 213
    ButcombeMan says:

    I’ve done with verballing you Mr Mitchell.

    Now Kratos rules apply.

    We”ll teach you who runs this country.

    Like

  167. 214
    Horrible safari explosion says:

    These things have a nasty reputation for going off accidentally Mr Mitchell. Especially when operated by plebs…

    Like

  168. 215
    BrianKinneyRocks says:

    >30 W I N N E R – by a mile

    Like

  169. 218
    Baldy says:

    No officer, I wasn’t saying anything against ordinary people, ALL the LibLabCon are against a plebiscite.

    Like

  170. 219
    Anonymong says:

    “Grocery deliverers have to use the rear gate, sir”

    Like

  171. 222
    Lizzie says:

    If you say no-one will believe the Police version of events and mention Hillsborough once more you’ll regret it … sir.

    Like

  172. 223
    Pleb McPlod says:

    The game’s up Mr Mitchell. Another step and I’m putting you on the Nobel 2013 short list.

    Like

  173. 224
    Baldy says:

    It was an odd comment for a mere policeman to make, and so Mitchell had unwisely challenged him to prove how a few red dots on his tie would make him more acceptable to the public.

    Like

  174. 225
    Dummitt says:

    This appears to be a basket case.

    Like

  175. 226
    Another one bites the dust says:

    And what is your final word on any matter…… Sir?

    “Fcuk off you effing pl*eb I’m more effing important & effing superior”

    Like

  176. 232
    DDC says:

    Up against the wall, motherfucker

    Like

  177. 233
    Neil Robertson says:

    ‘Uzi?’ (armed policeman fails to recognise Chief Whip) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Uzi_1.jpg

    Like

  178. 234
    Anon says:

    New Police security measures around Downing Street have unexpected effect on cyclists trying to enter through gates.

    Like

  179. 235
    Anonymous says:

    Golly gosh, the badgers are fighting back

    Like

  180. 236
    Anonymous says:

    He’ll never shoot me while I’m having a shit

    Like

  181. 237
    The mong Harwood says:

    ‘Ere sarge, this geezer’s looking well Brazillian and wearing an unseasonably warm tie, shall I lose a few rounds in his belly?

    Like

    • 239
      Dirty Harry Filth says:

      Sarge to mong:
      Lots of shouting (and what sounded like a bit of a singsong) from Threats, Weapons, Anti-Terrorism Control, but the woman in charge decided to put it to a vote so she wouldn’t be in the wrong and the decision outcome is to proceed with proven best practice:

      - we don’t know if this is the right target (haven’t really practiced this)
      - we do know how to shoot (practiced with lots of bullets)

      so play to our strengths and go for the headshots.

      Like

  182. 238
    Andy says:

    Policeman to ChiefWhip
    “You are fucking lucky that there is a camera here or I’d stick this up your arse”

    Like

  183. 240
    Rightallalong says:

    Good morning Ms. Eagle

    Like

  184. 244
    evad666 says:

    That Bicycle Lock looks like an offensive weapon to me sir.
    But the bike against the wall slowly and step away from it we eo not want to chip the paintwork do we.

    Like

  185. 245
    Pleb says:

    “It’s OK, I’m sure I can Raleigh some support.”

    Number 30 to win though pls, just about died laughing at that.

    Like

  186. 246
    Robert Peston's speech therapist says:

    Good morning Sir. I believe you are about to get punctured.

    Like

  187. 248
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Ding Ding

    Dead man walking

    Like

  188. 249
    Freddie Fraudster says:

    Ex Chief Whip follows Tebbit Advice

    Like

  189. 250
    Steve mid says:

    Psssst..what’s a pleb

    Like

  190. 251
    Eric Frogspawn says:

    I’m afraid I can’t let you through until I’ve seen your Cycling Proficiency Test certificate Sir

    Like

  191. 252
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Mitchell: “Officer – in all matters I refer you to your colleagues’ conduct at altering their statements and the truth Re: Hillsborough. In other words officer – who opened the gate?”. “Now kindly do one”.

    Like

  192. 253
    daveyone1 says:

    “It is times like this I wish I was related to the Mitchell Brothers!”

    Like

  193. 254
  194. 264
    Blair's Paid Ego Parrot says:

    PULL!

    Like

  195. 265
    idonotbelieveit says:

    I warn you now Lord Pottymouth, I’m not in the mood today. If you want to argue the toss have a word with my mate Mr Heckler and Koch

    Like

  196. 266
    Tom Catesby says:

    Call me a pleb now you bastard!

    Like

  197. 267
    Andrew K says:

    Say ‘pleb’ again. Say ‘pleb’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say ‘pleb’one more Goddamn time!

    Like

  198. 268
    dbopenlock says:

    Mitchell: ” Come and get me coppers! Look Ma, i’m on top of the world”

    Like


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New Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond has big ambitions in his first meeting with Benjamin Netanyahu today:

“I came to bring this conflict to an end.”



Christie Malry @fcablog

Ed Miliband does photo oops, not photo ops


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