October 1st, 2012

Vote for Me, I’m an Expense Fiddling MP!

The Standard have an interesting scoop this afternoon: a number of shamed expenses-hungry Labour MPs who lost their jobs at the last election are apparently planning comebacks in 2015. Guido is generously offering to run their campaigns free of charge:

  • Dawn Butler – Dawn has lived in Brent all her life so she knows the issues that matter to you first hand. In fact, she’s such a dedicated Londoner that she claimed nearly £40,000 of your money for a second home, despite living within ten miles of Westminster! In her spare time Dawn likes to enjoy her “whirlpool” bath paid for by, you guessed it, the taxpayer (allegedly). Vote Dawn – no expense spared for a better Brent!
  • Shahid Malik – They say there’s no rest for the wicked, but don’t tell that to Shahid. After a long day helping constituents the Dewsbury through-and-through Labour stalwart likes nothing more than to relax in his massage armchair. You’ve already shown your appreciation, you paid for it! Don’t sit around – vote for Shahid!
  • Parmjit Dhanda – George Osborne certainly doesn’t have the experience to get us out of this economic mess, but Parmjit does. He’s a money expert, reportedly managing to get away with sneaking an extra £2,000 in mortgage payments by blaming it on “accounting adjustments”. If that’s the sort of financial nous you think we need in government – vote Dhanda!

Labour’s 2015 intake could really be something special


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Eds Next generation is quickly looking like a mash up of the old generation.

  2. 2
    Religion: The Original Sin says:

    Su1cide definitely has it’s attractions

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Anyone who has seen Cbeebies knows that the current lot are just extras from Something Special too

  4. 4
    jgm2 says:

    Do these fuckers have nothing better to do than sit around for five years hoping to get back on the gravy train?

  5. 5
    ed martin says:

    so…..Dawn not broke?

  6. 6
    BBC on You know who says:

    To say otherwise is false and very damaging to the BBC and individuals. The notion that internal pressure was applied appears to be a malicious rumour.”

    We say “appears ” not “is”

  7. 7
    ed martin says:

    there’s no wonga in it – innit?

  8. 8
    ed martin says:


  9. 9
    nellnewman says:

    Is margaretmoran coming back for luton and philhope for East Northants then?

  10. 10
    ed martin says:

    then we fill in more overtime and expense forms and that’s an ‘is’!

  11. 11
    Sniper says:

    And if you don’t like those liars and thieves head off over to the Cleggies – now with added liar and thief Laws as a minister. Or why not try out “Honest” Dave;s pals complete with Alan Duncan.

    Brought to you from Westminster Bingo – where the House always wins!

  12. 12
    Fog on the Tyne says:

    Politics: the career of choice for the criminal classes.

  13. 13
    John Johnson says:

    Guido who was that tory trougher who had a house in London and claimed for a flat half a mile or so from his house, the whole shower are fiddlers, they want someome who is unemployed to travel for 1.5 hours to get a job on minimum wage, Liebore have no reason to be smug they demanded it as well.

  14. 14
    Knob Ed says:

    My masters on Tharg tell me that BallsCooper have ambitions to get rid of me. But I don’t believe it.

  15. 15
    Gooey Blob says:

    Labour desperately need some decent new candidates in 2015. Darling aside, I can’t see a potential PM in their ranks. It’s probably fair to say that Labour’s next PM isn’t even in the Commons yet.

  16. 16
    a non says:

    Thank the lord it will be a few years before the Vaz children appear.

  17. 17

    Ed Balls reminds me of Nok Tok.
    Its the round face.

    Nok tok has a more credible economic policy though.

  18. 18
    John Johnson says:

    Naturally Guido, being a good Roman Catholic boy, cannot agree with you, mind you in his former life he did to avoid hanging drawing and quartering and of course his nuts off.

  19. 19
    jgm2 says:

    Labour’s last PM isn’t even in jail yet. Or the one before that.

  20. 20

    Miliband didn’t fall into the union trap. He’s getting tougher. And smarter.

    He might manage it you know. Incredible as it seems..he might just make it all the way to Gordon’s old gaff.

  21. 21
    Truthteller says:

    Three indigenous brits, amazing!!

  22. 22
    Backwoodsman says:

    Stupid question really, jg, obviously no.
    Unless a fill in gig as a ‘paid’ fulltime councilor comes up, which strangely enough, often seems to do in labour rotten boroughs.
    I assisted in the removal of one brian white mp, the scrofulus nonentities’ nonentity, and fuck me if the little fucker didn’t try and get himself a position as a ‘working ‘ councilor. Cutting off labour apparachicks access to the public teat should have been high on the agenda of a switched on tory party, hey ho, we got cmd and gideon and Nottinghill rules of engagement.

  23. 23
    Euan Blair says:

    No…not yet. But mummy’s working on it.

  24. 24
    jgm2 says:

    What a depressing thought.

  25. 25
    gramma says:

    English please

  26. 26
    Jimmy says:

    Mention of conservatives in this context is considered unhelpful.

  27. 27
    John Johnson says:

    Wills, Teddy has an uphill struggle that is for sure, if he can put the leaders of the unions in their place he will have made it, but Liebore has not got a good track record there, they brought Jim Callaghan, B’Liar & co just swept it under carpet

  28. 28
    Anonymous says:

    yeah, we covered that at the time you twat.

  29. 29
    Jonny says:

    Anybody else reading those bullet points in the voice of Our Graham from Blind date?

  30. 30
    Cassandra says:

    Dave and his stupid backbenchers rushed headlong into Gordon’s tax trap.
    Having avoided the 50p tax trap when the grinning Mcimbecile invited them to stand on it in 2010, they suddenly decided to just dive right in in 2012.

    Why did you do that Dave? Completely wrecked two years of careful economic competence management.

    Now we have to have 5 years of Miliband and the kinder cabinet.
    Sweeties for all! Sweeties for all!

    {Until 2015 when the next Liam Byrne can write “there’s no malteasers left”}

  31. 31
    Anonymous says:

    boris bores.

  32. 32
    Marketing pawn worth over a quatre of a billion says:

    I am surprised that fat Jaqui Smith isn’t planning a come back.

  33. 33
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    He’ll do well to keep the Tory majority below 200.

  34. 34
    John Johnson says:

    What’s that Bill, grind the bastards down?

  35. 35
    Marketing pawn worth over a quatre of a billion says:

    Tickets please. All aboard the gravy train.

  36. 36
    Cassandra says:

    Nok Tok is a children’s television puppet from the Waybuloo show.

    He does not resemble Ed Balls in any way. For starters, Nok Tok is popular

  37. 37
    albacore says:

    Ho hum. Now, ain’t this just par for the course?
    Is there an MP without sticky paws?
    The Telegraph’s splendid revelations
    Demolished the whole lot’s reputations
    But how many snouts withdrew from the trough?
    And how many villains did Plod cart off?

  38. 38
    The. Savant says:

    Is. Ken Livingwill. Standing. Now he SMS. Given. Up. The radio. gig??

  39. 39
    Fat Jacq says:

    Who says I in’t? I got me sister’s room all ready for me ‘spenses.
    I was home secretary you know? I faught it would all be ’bout curtains and wall paper and stuff like that.

    But it was all dead boring stuff and we only to the Ideal Home show a couple of times.

  40. 40
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Labour MPs are bigger fiddlers than Jimmy Saville.

  41. 41
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is Livingstone their financial advisor?

  42. 42
    Vaz, Bliar, Dhanda, Moron, Butler, Lyingscum, Malik, et al says:

    we’d do anything for pelf!

  43. 43
    Scary biscuits says:

    well..if I had to pick..I’d pick Malik because we know he’s got a good tv and entertainment system. Could watch Primary Colours.

  44. 44
    John Johnson says:

    Why not bring it up again chuck, this blog is out to expose all this fiddling that goes on and mps would rather the general populace didn’t know about it, folks needed to keep being reminded of it

  45. 45
    John Johnson says:

    that depends on someone willing to stand down or being made to stand down

  46. 46
    V1le Labour ruined my Country says:

    This is no surprise, the political class are entitled to steal from the little people.

  47. 47
    John Johnson says:

    Apologies, I do not watch kiddy winky tv progs

  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    This thread would be a mile long if he mentioned every fucker on the fiddle, it’s just that Labour members have the extra dimension of being hypocrites of the highest fucking order.

  49. 49
    Sadsick Khan says:

    You is being well rayshellist.

  50. 50
    A Pleb says:

    These three may want to have their snouts in the trough but they are not in the same league as that corrupt bastard Keith Vaz.

  51. 51
    pedo watch says:

    You sure Johnny?

  52. 52
    Aunty Matter says:

    Classic BBC Radio 5 bollocks.

    Camp sound male person stated on air

    “Today Ed Balls announced a 3 billion pound scheme to kick start the economy”

    Um, dear BBC, have you not noticed Labour isn’t actually in power?

    Fucking MONGS!

  53. 53
    John Johnson says:

    If he continues slapping weight on, he will be catching Pickles up in weight

  54. 54
    taC eht abbaJ says:

    Three out of three third worlder’s there in a bid at the Labour multi culti return to the trough and keeping Diane Fatbutt company…

  55. 55

    Can he read a map then, Bill?

  56. 56
    Aunty Matter says:

    Hmm no mention of Vaz on the BBC news or Jimmy Saville.

    I wonder why?

  57. 57
    John Johnson says:

    Have any of the Cons been given porridge?

  58. 58
    Handycock No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    True. Also if these MP’s had joined the Lodge, as I had recommended, they would have got away scot free, like me. even after my expenses fiddles have been widely published, such as paying my semi literate wife £20,000 a year for doing nothing. I still got away with it scot free. Boaz.


  59. 59
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Eric Hobsbawm was an extraordinary historian, a man passionage about his politics, and a great friend of my family.

    Ed Miliband

    Quote on C4 tribute to that bastard Hobsbawn.


  60. 60
    we pay for this shite? says:

    The plonkers still think Thatcher is in power ffs.

  61. 61
    annette curton says:

    What a dismal prospect for all (the little people) the magic number is now post 2015, once upon a time there was something called public service wasn’t there? as opposed to private greed or is this just an illusion, or my delusion.

  62. 62
    ToonBob... says:

    Hmmmmmm seems they are highlighted / being picked on ‘cos they is blick !

  63. 63
    Labour 3 2 Tories says:

    Lord Hanningfield and Lord Taylor for the Tories, Jim Devine, David Chaytor and Elliot Morley for Labour.

  64. 64

    BBC News political editor

    “Ed Balls today put forward a credible and necessary plan to kick start the economy and end starvation for hundreds of thousands of public sector workers. he said he’d use the £4 billion that rich Tories are planning to spend on monocles and top hats for themselves.

    The chancellor insisted that there was no money available to prevent scurvy in primary schools and even if there was he wants the workshy, diseased proles to die.

    We now go live to Whiechapel where labour activists are trying to set up a soup kitchen for the handicapped whist coalition MPs pelt them with rotten fruit and smallpox infected blankets.

    There..fixed it.That should be fine for the six thirty bulletin.

  65. 65
    jgm2 says:

    Mid forties. Overweight. Still insists on playing football.

    Just a matter of time.

  66. 66
    ToonBob... says:

    Egg Balls, would we need 100,000 new homes if the last government had not opened the doors to millions of immigrants ??

  67. 67
    ToonBob... says:

    Fiddlers both of ‘em.

  68. 68
    ToonBob... says:

    Wooooah……. blick is the new white !

  69. 69
    Anonymous says:

    I’d love to see that slippery little bastard caught bang to rights.

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:

    Heart attack? :)

  71. 71
    Hugh Janus says:

    Who in their right mind would employ them??

  72. 72
    trucker says:


  73. 73
    AC1 says:

    I wouldn’t bet against him using columbian imports either.

  74. 74
    AC1 says:

    One previous PM can at least claim insanity in his defence.

  75. 75
    AC1 says:

    Any competent economist would tell you that the subsidy would instantly just be added to the price lowering the affordability of housing even more!

  76. 76
    A Different Anonymous says:

    @ 6:29 pm It’s all that lasagne wot’s gonna do fer ‘im!

  77. 77
  78. 78
    ToonBob... says:

    Homes for immigrants……. yippee!!

  79. 79
    ToonBob... says:

    Do not forget to pay your taxes……

  80. 80
    ToonBob... says:

    Build 100,000 homes for immigrants and all will be well !

  81. 81
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Which one? They’re both a little squirrelly, each in his own way! And they’re both out “saving the world” now– give me strength!

  82. 82
    A High Security Prison Warden says:

    Those mp’s and the rest make my boys look like angels.

    Dave said he was going to fix ‘Broken Britain’ …..

    Yep kick the plebs, and keep kicking until the civil war starts,
    then walk away saying it’s the plebs.

    Mind you my boys are all looking forwards to reduced sentences
    so as to help fund the greedy embezzling mp’s.

  83. 83
    Funambulist says:

    Vazeline has…children???

    My gaydar must need a new battery and a good kick.

  84. 84
    Muuurty's Ghuuurst says:

    No bed wetters scweeming ‘wacist’ yet? Strange that when their finest ‘multi-culti’ chums have their fingers in the fukkin till. They should be in prison. All of them. Bastards.

    Lets hope that oily f*cker Vaz gets his comeuppence too.

    I won’t hold my breath though.

  85. 85
    Dr Nuts says:

    T Bliar is out saving the world. There’s lots of countries out there which has cash it does not deserve, and he’s doing his best to relieve those countries of such problem and save it in T@x H@vens, around the world.

  86. 86
    robbie says:

    And if you want a £200 Alarm Clock borrow one from Michael Connarty whose constituents have shelled out for it amongst his other £180k of annual expenses.

    That’ll get you out of bed in the morning…..

  87. 87
    fitzfitz says:


  88. 88
    Jimmy Saville's Ghost says:

    Boaz Handy.

  89. 89
    Living in 98 percent white Merseyside says:

    We have plenty of empty homes in the Liverpool area available. No immigrants please but ethnic Brits who have been ethnically cleansed out of their inner-city areas are welcome.

  90. 90
    freddy the farting fish fascinated by Phrenology says:

    I fucking despair I really do.phfffrt

  91. 91
    freddy the farting fish fascinated by Phrenology says:

    Who has the power to investigate ?
    what is the relationship police / parliament ?

  92. 92
    Airey Belvoir says:

    And bring your benefit money with you!

Seen Elsewhere

Liz Kendall For Leader | Indy
Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers