This weeks winner will win a copy of Britannia Unchained.
The much talked-about book by a group of Tory MPs made waves this summer, setting out their alternative plan for economic recovery.
Usual rules apply…
Reform the House of Lords | Nigel Farage
Labour Members Don’t Believe Ed Can Be PM | Rafael Behr
How China Bought Britain | London Loves Business
Why Dave Shouldn’t Check His Twitter | Buzzfeed
Young People Getting More Libertarian | ConHome
How to Write a Dan Hodges Column | Left Foot Forward
Politicians Made This Mess | Douglas Carswell
Magna Carta – Walking in King John’s Footsteps | Anna Raccoon
How to Stop Reckless Bankers | Guido Fawkes
Tories Double Younger Support | Guardian
Public Prefers Boris to Dave | Times
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Andrew Pierce on Ed Balls…
“Porky Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls sweet-talked guests at a fund-raising dinner by saying if he wasn’t a politician, he would be a chef. That’s not surprising, since he was accused of cooking the Treasury books when he was Gordon Brown’s boot boy.”
Bloody foreigners, coming over here taking all our twitter followers
Obama to Pirate: How much tax did you pay last year?
No shit!
Pirate to obamasiah: wernt you in the hold for the last voyage?
Democrats and Tea Party stage live debate
I’d give my right eye to meet Obama
David Blunkett: I ‘ad a bit a trouble at th’airport yesterday, Mr President. But they managed t’ find my suitcase eventually…
IT IS NOT FAIR. THE ONLY TIME I HAVE EVER WON THIS COMPETITION IS WHEN ONE OF MY FAKES CAME UP WITH A FUNNY LINE.
Obama to Pirate
You sure are a tip top fundraiser…..how is that touchy feely thung for you…..
Jack Sparrow meets thieving pirate
Obama to Pirate: That’s amazing, a talking parrot!
Parrot to Pirate: Not half as good as a talking chimp!
You photo-shopped the pirate into the empty chair.
In the white house. Every day is talk like a marxist day.
Swedes will not be assimilated into the ECB collective.
http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-09-21/borg-says-swedish-taxes-can-t-go-into-ill-managed-european-banks.html
Not the best cap comp entry we’ve had on here…
Mr Assange was keen to avoid detection.
Somalian Defence chief begins talks with Obama over a safe passage treaty
Prats of the Caribbean
“You see your pirate ship, well you didnt build that! “
Pirate to Obama: Remember the election in 2008? You didn’t win that…
“You see your White House, well, you didn’t build that either.”
Planning goes underway for the Boston Tea Party party.
Now say “I turned the economy into a pirate ship” lots of times and very quickly
Excellent, winner!
Agree – very funny MUST win.
Obama to Pirate
Welcome to the White House President Rumpay of the EUSSR….
Concern is expressed among Republicans that Romney didn’t take the presidential debates seriously.
Obama’s dentist calls to collect unpaid bill.
Now listen here old boy. These Somali pirates are buggering up my business. Anything you do?
O’B to LJ: will it cost and arm and a leg?
O’B: you did WHAT? in the paralympics?
A leaked photo shows why Obama always sort to avoid Gordon Brown.
Obama to Pirate
So that’s how you got through security, Gordon.
Nurse!
Pirate to Obama ,”Will you play a slave in my next movie?”
Somehow, Barry never caught on that it was actually Sacha Baron-Cohen, in character for a new Pirates of the Caribbean film; he thought it was a photo-op with a disabled Navy Seal veteran of the war in Afghanistan from Bethesda Naval Hospital, in costume to entertain his daughters…
” Yuh see Meester President, you take Romney’s balls in your left hand, like this, and then squeeze haaaaaaaaaaard”
So, you just steal other people’s money? I like that.
By 2017, Prime Minister Boris’ diplomatic eccentricities had been accepted as normal behaviour
top ++
“So, Mitt, how’s your campaign been going this week?”
Now listen up, Hamza, you’re not fooling anyone with that parrot. Doesn’t even look real.
O’B to bin Laden: give the disguise a few more weeks – no one will notice but lose the parrot?
US president greets UK shadow chancellor at White House.
parrot to O’B: I saw your lips move – you said ‘no more taxes’
So, Mr Hamza how did you enjoy the in-flight movie?
“But how dowevknow we can trust you bankers this time around?”
anyone: how can you make a buck in ‘ere?
mmm nice costume ,plundering our childrens future , Ok its simple visual pretty good ,I dont think the 45% Mitt upset will be bothered .
Personally, OI object te the term ‘Poirate’. It makes me sound like them kiddies what steal music in the in-ter-nets. The digital age calls fer a re-evaluation of prop-er-ty roights to reflect the new reality brought about by new tech-no-lo-gy. The oidea that cargo belongs to anyone is out-da-ted; cargo wants to be free, and Oi’m the man to bring it freedom. The in-ter-nation-al trade system we have today is a lingering vestige of a n 18th century system, gradually expanded by many years of grasping expansion of roight by “Big Cargo” and ignores the spectacular development over recent decades in small, fast boats and big guns. We call for a re-balancing of roights in the direction of the average guy on the street. Or on the water. No-bo-dy needs to get hurt. Free Cargo! D’arr!
I told you you’d have someone’s eye out with that
That’s what they all said about me and the BB gun. It was horseshit then and it still is today. They just don’t want kids to have any fun, and will use an excuse that’s so old, they told it to little David and his slingshot back in the pre-Goliath days. He didn’t pay attention to them either.
Once again, the head of the National Rifle Association explained why firearms were perfectly safe.
His clever disguise having worked, “Allah Akbar!” exclaimed Abu Hamza before killing the Great Satan.
**** Another great week for Call Me Dave ****
Started with rolling out The adulterer John Major, as all Tory MP and , ministers have gone to ground.
The Gimp then hacked off another swathe of parents with his Baccylordytwat
NIMBY Tory councils then defy Dave planning changes
FT then report Dave ahead in polls ( the pointless polls )
Dave’s right hand man Cleggy, makes a fool of himself, with a blubbing apology.
Dave now in bovver with UKIP ( or the fruit cakes as Dave knows them )
And finally some pompous p*ounce and personal friend of Dave makes an ar*se of himself at the Gate
…not forgetting this weeks U-turn count of 4.
I don’t think you’ll win with that, old bean.
I’m struggling with this MK. Who’s is the dialogue? Obama’s or the pirate?
This is a “caption contest” FFS – Admittedly it is for shit like most of them nowadays but there’s no need to take the piss!!!
Say, that’s a pretty fancy costume that you mormon Bishops get to wear.
Obama to Pirate…The Christmas Panto season is coming up, what shall I come as, a talking Parrot?
Obamacare’s first surgeon is recruited! Hopes to emulate NHS’ legendary levels of service.
Hilary, I know your looks are failing, but perhaps another face-lift would suffice for now.
So…did you ever think about what you and Abu Hamza have in common?
Land based redistributionist meets sea-based redistributionist.
What do you think of my new film, Irates of the Koran Burn?
Obama thinks “Who the f**k thought this was a good idea”
This was the only way I could get that bastard to do his job
Election 2012 campaign focus groups plumb new depths.
Peaces of hate!
So how was Guantanimo?
Hey Gordon, haven’t seen you for a while….how’s it going?
Johnny Depp receives Congressional medal of honor from Mr President.
When he dialled the number in the telephone box this was not quite the cheap hooker that Huggy Bear had expected!
Why the disguise Mr Clegg?
So how is the “swing from the yardarm” vote?
Gordon goes to extreme lengths to meet Obama again.
but with his patch over the wrong eye gets no further than Obamah beach
“Y’know, Blackbeard wasn’t really all that black.”
I have only one eye, I have a right to be blind sometimes… I really do not see the signal!
Obama: What black spot? (pull up a Blind Pew).
And now on ‘Who do you think you are?’ President Obama meets his real grandfather
I don’t care what Apple Maps says. This is NOT Jamaica.
+, it’s Luton.
Piers Morgan tries to reach out to a younger demographic.
Just as long as he stays Stateside
“Look Gordon, I said last time I didn’t want to talk to you. The disguise is ridiculous and anyway the patch gave it away”
..All I’m saying Mr President, about your Medicare bill..All I’m saying is.. I went into an NHS hospital with a broken finger and came out minus an eye and a hand.
The Admiral of the Fleet denies stringent cuts are affecting the British Navy
parrot: …and so the lady replies- I rather fancy a cockatoo!
First TV debate descends into farce as Romney mishears advice and targets the Hispaniola vote.
So, you take all your treasure and bury it underground? Who’s your financial advisor? Mitt Romney?
Obama: “If you want to steal money from honest merchants, there are easier ways to do it than piracy, like working for the IRS or becoming an elected official.”
President Obama discusses Scotland’s Navy with SNP Naval Attache.
Winner!!
+1
Pirate: “….your secretary said you wanted a PILOT for Air Force1….ahhhhh”
Obama: “Xiang Lee, your arse my office, NOW!”
“This parrot repeats everything his master tells him.”
“Really? So his boss is Bill Clinton too?”
Obama meets with the leader of the Pirate Party
Is it coz I’s black?
no that’s luis hamilton
Confusion arises when man asks to see the Black Pearl
parrot: afghanistan – honest guys – its a jungle out there
Yo ho ho meats yo-yo O
Pirate: “…..so your secretary actually said you wanted a PILOT for Air Force 1….ahhh”
Obama: “Xiang Lee, your arse my office NOW!”
Fuck me, I’ve plagiarised myself!
Just WTF?!!!
Obama: “That hook looks like it could rust. Have you tried subscribing to Obamacare?”
“The black Pearl? just set anchor on Romney Marshes, aye mitt me lad!!”
“Mr President, your Somali anti-piracy strategy just isn’t working!”…
Just another meeting of long johns. Pants!
…Obama listens in amazement to the pirate’s tale.
Pirate..”So this smelly beggar, covered in sores and grease, he comes up to me and says “Here! Take this! Its barrels of doubloons. From me Treasury’s crypt they is. Take ‘em away. They’re cursed..cursed skeleton pirate gold they is..Take ‘em and chuck ‘em in the sea ‘fore Davy Jones grabs us all!”
BO -”..and that gold really did have a curse on it?”
Pirate – Hell no! I flogged it to the Swiss and bought myself a whole fleet of ships.”
BO – Did you ever find out who that crazy Scotchman was?
Pirate..Aye! Some say he was old mad bonkers McMental of Fife. Others that he was…
POTUSA: “I don’t give a fuck, you got an itchy arse, you scratch it yourself”
Billy Bragg’s disguise fools no one.
You say your name is David Miliband and it’s the only way you could get by the security guys.
Someone dressed as an idiot talks to a guy dressed as a pirate.
Barry: “I’m more a ‘gin & tonic’ man myself, Captain Morgan, but seeing as Coca-Cola is the No.1 US export, besides jobs under my administration, I’m always glad to help them in any way possible…”
Friday Caption Competition presents the black spot
Blackbeard at the White House: “So I told the constable at the gate, ‘Arrghh, don’t ye know who I am, ye bloody landlubber? Shiver me timbers, we’ve got a thick pleb here! I’ll have ye keelhauled, matey!”
polly parrott: now you come to ask the question Mr President – I am – aren’t I just?
Talks with Taliban confirms Obama’s confusion over Afghanistan exit strategy
Spell-checked: “Talks with Taliban confirm Obama’s confusion over Afghanistan exit strategy”
parrott: its the election – stoopid!
So how is Smee keeping, seen him lately?
Repeating Parrott fashion
“These strikes are wrong at a time when negotiations are still going on.
“But parents and the public have been let down by both sides because they have acted in a reckless and provocative manner.
“After today’s disruption I urge both sides to put aside the rhetoric and stop it happening again.”
Obama “So how did you lose the eye?”
Pirate “Got a speck in it, and first day on with the hook”
One of Kate’s was THIS big, I think.
Pirate FROM Never-never land meets President IN Never never land.
Sacha Baron Cohen’s fourth movie promised to be a sensation.
Pirate: Did you hear what Andrew Mitchell said to a policeman?
Obama:Who is Andrew Mitchell?
parrot to O’B: OK TC that’s Iraq, Afghanistan, world poverty and Medicare – all taken care of – what’s next for Teeeeeam America boss?
Obama: I see you’ve lost weight Guido
“And what are you up to next?”
“The usual – taking money off rich people, fighting, doling out gold to my supporters. And what about you, Captain?”
“Let me be clear… make no mistake… you ‘ARE’ – how America – has won – the future.”
Obama suddenly sees through the disguise.
“Whoo..Hey!..Aren’t you the guy that tried to kiss me in the kitchen?”
Like it!
Obamas meeting with the new Somalian diplomat went better than expected.
Man totally detached from reality interviews pirate.
Parrot:
“PRETTY POLITICAL, PRETTY POLITICAL”
You $#%^”$ pleb!
“You’re from Somalia you say? I’ve been to Somalia; I have some photographs somewhere……..”
You want my right hand to replace your hook?
Isn’t that a hand-job?
Extradition of Abu Hamza goes badly.
obama to pirate
d you mind if we don t shake hands ?
Obama: ‘So Clinton didn’t have sex with Tinkerbelle too?’
What you mean, you fished out Osama?
So, Hillary, how’s the hormone therapy going?
B O: Piers I know your ratings are piss poor but to go to these lengths……..
(I know, I know, it’s taken me all fucking day to think of that FFS!!!
And even worse its already been done by 63
“No really, it’s not a problem, I know where you can get a birth certificate and a social security number. You’ll be fine. But the pirate has to leave.”
Abu Hansa to donate 101 pieces of eight to election fund*
*(but only on being able to take up residency in the Virgin Islands)
Pirate:’I am a Bullshitter myself, but, I do like to hear a professional at it. So please continue!!’
“How are you getting along with the masonic handshake?”
Saving the economy: by hook or by crook.
Nick Clegg enters into coalition with Obama to give the nation leadership in the face of economic instability
Obama: Can I hold your cutlass?
Pirate: I haven’t got a cut and I’m a boy!
“No you can’t be one of my 47%!! With YOUR overseas earnings your one of the 1%……’er how about a campaign contribution?”
Sorry, I was expecting someone who wanted to discuss something called “bittorrent protocol” …whatever that is!
‘Look Barak, admit it, we’re all crooks, only I’ve stopped pretending’.
So to hook a voter get a disibility.
you were born in Hawaii, right ? is that where you got the parrot ?
“let me show you this, given to me by prime minister Gordon Brown of Great Britain. it’s an invisible glove puppet, isn’t it cool ?”
you’re kidding me he gave me one of those too
So Captain Pugwash, how do you feel about getting aboard with the Black Pig?
How Cameron looks to the President.
“That’s a very ordinary fancy dress, Mr President”
At last ! Gordon Brown surfaces in the Whitehouse
O k Willis , What you come as ?
I’m Gordon Brown , and i discovered America you know !
Obama asks his chief fund raiser for increased funding !
Tell me more about these offshore islands where you bury you treasure Tony.
Why does he keep repeating ” Change we can believe in”?
I fully agree. The price of toothpicks ARE ridiculous.
Come on, make up your mind. Do you want to represent us in the Parrotolympics or the Paraolympics?
Can you get that bugger above to walk the fucking planck.
And while you’ve been waiting for an economic miracle, I’ve grown another leg!
or
“And whilst you’ve been waiting for a copy of Britannia Unchained, I’ve grown another leg.”
Did you ever hear that Max Bygraves one? ” You need hands…”
“Gordon, I know you like to pick your nose but…
The President “You look like someone whose vote I can count on”
Pirate “Not sure yet I haven’t decided”
The President “I was talking to the parrot”
My name’s Netanyarrghu. This was the only way I could get in to see you.
BO “I never said we needed a new winning hook to hang the election campaign on; I just said give us a hand”
Pirate ” Aye Aye, more rum please, I’m not seeing double yet”
Both: ‘So you take other peoples money, with the threat of force, if necessary. Then you redistribute it amongst the people who put you in charge’
“Goosing Hillary was an error of judgement”
B.O. ” So the parrot has this interesting idea on economics, I’m all ears talk to me”
One is a terrifying force that will kill you for your resources and will loot and plunder your wealth, the other is a pirate.
ah hah! the rooster and the stockbroker – one clucks defiant
parrot:
Hey Mr President, have you read ‘The Dummies Guide to Ventriloquy’?
So this pirate walks into the Whitehouse…
Obama: “Is this some kind of caption competition?”
So you see Mr President, I only had limited health care insurance
Move over Keira
So you put your hand in the alien reptiles bottom and you say that it was dissolved ? I guess that must have hurt ?
” you think 2 fingers is better ?”
Obama to Yemeni pirate;
Ok, here’s the deal. You can keep plundering the ships, I don’t even want my cut anymore; just please take that awful, screeching squacky bird off my hands and lose her somewhere, my current foreign policy sucks
BO’B:
” Jeez Mr. Bercow, Gordon likes to be fisted with that??!!
Ed Balls to Obama: Welcome to No Treasure Island, Mr. President.
Obama to Lemmy: “Who you calling the Ace of Spades?”
Guido to Order-Order contributors: “Fuck, no, I can’t be bothered with this Caption shit”
Obama: “Look, the bottom line is, those artists have written and produced that music, you can’t just sell it online.”
‘Twas a Moor what cut me hand off,Matey.
My birth certificate says I’m Long John Silver. What’s your excuse?
Hi Abu, welcome to he good old US of A – take him away guys!
“Lets talk Filibuster reform”