September 13th, 2012

Lobby Demand Revamped No.10 Press Briefings

With Steve Field leaving his post as the Prime Minister’s Official Spokesman now is as good a time as any to shake things up at No.10. Guido has long campaigned for reform of the Lobby, and there was some intriguing movement today as political hacks called for Downing Street press briefings to be revamped. Lobby members slammed Field for refusing to answer questions, highlighting his infamous “I don’t do politics” line and also calling for the briefings to be held on camera. Guido has been saying that for years…

So far No.10 has yet to decide on who will replace Field, with the Treasury’s head of press Jean-Christophe Gray hotly tipped to take over. Watch this space…


  1. 1
    Hahahahahaha says:

    FU 8illy!

  2. 2
    jgm2 says:

    Good one.

  3. 3
    Kebab Watch says:

    Long over due, keep up the good work.

  4. 4
    Richard III says:

    Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones.

  5. 5
    Sandra in Accounts says:

    Does it matter who shouts “May Day, May Day” for Cameron?

    He is finished.

    And the Tory party will disappear beneath the waves for 20 years in 2015.

  6. 6

    Whatever next? Open government?

  7. 7
    Butch CamerTwat and the SmartArse Kid – they couldn’t hit an Open Goal, says:

    It’s The Right Thing To Do

  8. 8 says:

    London mayor Boris Johnson ‘very, very sorry’ for comments about Liverpool fans being partly to blame for Hillsborough.
    Another good reason not to have this toff as Tory leader.

  9. 9
    homophobic pride says:

    No thanks.

  10. 10
    annette curton says:

    A parking space! a parking space! my kingdom for a parking space.

  11. 11
    K'unt McKenzie says:

    Thanks, Guido! Us lying fat c’unts need to stick together. We must hang together or assuredly the little people will lynch your and my kosher-kissing arses separately!

  12. 12
    Mant O'Vani says:

    Liverpool fans turned up in droves without tickets. They must have *some* responsibility for what happened.

  13. 13
    Johnny says says:

    Do they want briefings on camera because they are too cowardly to report Number 10 being shits, for fear of losing access?

  14. 14
    Bo Locks says:

    BoJo tells it like it is – and you should too, – you usually do.

  15. 15
    Rupert Murdoch's Izzy war propaganda says:

    Oy vey! Will no one buy The Scum!

  16. 16
    Beneath the waves says:

    Drowning or Waving?

  17. 17
    Homophobic Pride #2 says:

    Like it. We could have our very own “Pride” march.

  18. 18 says:

    Sure a small minority had some responsibility for it but the vast majority of supporters had none. They just wanted to watch a football match in peace, FFS. And the Sheffield Wednesday football club and police should have ensured that.

  19. 19
    jgm2 says:

    I am astonished to learn from recent revelations that at a football match in the late 1980s there were no drunken hooligans and that everybody had tickets.

    I now realise I had been mislead by a pernicious T*ry and media campaign that entirely manufactured the myth of the drunken, violent English football hooligan.

    I am happy to apologise and I’m pleased that there certainly aren’t thousands of Liverpool fans who might have shown up ticketless and drunk and have been having sleepless nights for 23 years knowing that it was their actions that contributed to the death of 96 innocent people. Because I was worried there might be.

    But now I find there isn’t. So that’s great news. It’s wonderful to know that everybody in Liverpool has a clear conscience about this tragedy that was entirely the cause of the police.

  20. 20
    smoggie says:

    It’s so they can watch “attend” the briefings from the comfort of their preferred hotelry.

  21. 21
    smoggie says:

    * hostelry

  22. 22
    Aunty Matter says:

    Radio 5 was awash with the usual anti Fatchur comments from mongs with scouse and jock voices.

    All being cheerled by Nicky Campbell once again.

    Had to laugh when Campbell proudly stated Jack Straw called the Tories guilty. JACK STRAW!!!!!! how quickly the BBC forget what that piece of scum got up to.

  23. 23
  24. 24
    Walter Wall-Carpeting says:

    That’s Henry V you dolt.

  25. 25
    jgm2 says:

    Every single fan who showed up without a ticket (because, hey, they’ll let us in – they’ll have to – they always do…) is just as responsible as the one or two individual police who made a mistake and actually let them in.

    Although I believe that according to the new version of events there were on drunken or ticketless fans at all. It seems that contrary to my experience of football matches fans back then liked to wait until the match was well under way before arriving to take their seats.

  26. 26
    Thick as a Planck says:

    More than half (52pc) now believe that Britain’s EU membership is bad for the domestic economy, while only 40pc think that membership is positive.
    Thank you for voting!
    Yes 13.01% (102 votes)

    No 86.99% (682 votes)

    Total Votes: 784
    Return To Poll

  27. 27
    jgm2 says:

    What did Jack Straw pronounce the T*ries ‘guilty’ of?

  28. 28
    Ed Ball's-Up says:

    The trouble is nulabour supporters and for that matter nunumiliband supporters have very short memories. They spent 13 years putting us in this mess and to expect it will be put right in a couple of years just shows the level of education they received!!

  29. 29
    annette curton says:

    And those that are now abed, will hold their manhood, cheep!, upon St Crispins Day.

  30. 30
    Time for a bit of Farage says:

  31. 31
    Lord Stansted says:

    Good point. I now realise that the football fans (don’t ask me which Club – don’t know and certainly don’t care) I once came across 20-odd years ago, who so put the fear of God in me that I ran for me life, were perfectly innocent young people who merely wanted to engage with me about art, literature and fine wine. Please accept my aplogies for not understanding.

  32. 32
    Thick as a Planck says:

    “Seen Elsewhere”. RIP

  33. 33
  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    Despite the Merseyside fans of the time being renowned nationally and internationally for this kind of behaviour.

  35. 35
    Straw was on Radio 4 says:

    Actually I Fink he said Fatcher.

  36. 36
    Thick as a Planck says:


  37. 37
    AC1 says:

    Also no Liverpool fans broke in despite me seeing them climbing over the walls in large numbers.

  38. 38
    Ed Ball's-Up says:

    Jack Straw the most promoted guy above his station in british political history. A total w*nker. Labour as always creates the mess and leaves it to others to clear up it up.

  39. 39
    Ed Ball's-Up says:

    And of course as with most things the old mantra blame it on Maggie!!

  40. 40
    jgm2 says:

    I think you must be mistaken AC1. What possible need would they have to climb over the wall when they could have simply shown their ticket at the entrance.

  41. 41
    jgm2 says:


    It seems we were misled by the T*rys and the media. English (and particularly Liverpool supporters) it turns out were immaculately well behaved and renowned the world over as polite ‘cheeky chappies’ and not drunken, violent, tribal psychopaths looking for any excuse for a good stabbing.

    This Heysel wiki entry has been updated to reflect this.

    Shoddy workmanship is the new cause.

  42. 42
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Will Jean-Christophe Gray give us the story in fifty shades?

  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    Jack Straw the most promoted guy above his station in british political history

    Errrrrrr – Brown?

  44. 44
    annette curton says:

    We know what the EU benefits are for, they are for an army of bureaucratic troughers.

  45. 45
    annette curton says:

    Half a century of monochrome bollocks.

  46. 46
    Arthur says:

    That’ll be half a crown an hour. If you give me any trouble I’ll go for my Winchester.

  47. 47
    a mum says:

    God! – Them T*RIES have a lot ta answer for.

  48. 48
    Gordon Brown says:

    I invested heavily in goldfish.

  49. 49
  50. 50
    annette curton says:

    That’s what poor Richard ended up with, only half a crown.

  51. 51
    jgm2 says:

    What a c*unt. What an utter c*unt.

    Jack ‘Torture’ Straw. A nasty opportunist c*unt of the first water.

  52. 52
    Richard says:

    I keep having this splitting headache.

  53. 53
    Richard III's nanny says:

    Park yourself over there luv until it passes.

  54. 54
    Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary says:

    Look, I have to go out there every weekday afternoon and give a briefing to the press on live TV (C-SPAN, or other cable-TV outlets that have nothing else to cover at that hour). Everybody knows which questions I answered, and which ones I didn’t. People can infer from that how open the White House is being on an issue.

    The more astute viewers (and certainly all the pundits) also know which questions are being ASKED, and which ones AREN’T– and can infer from that which questions the Press is too cosy, lazy, or afraid to ask. It’s a double-edged sword, if you start having televised briefings.

  55. 55
    Loungelizard says:

    Alex Salmond will shortly be announcing the successful result of the 2014 Yes to Independence referendum.

  56. 56
    jgm2 says:

    It’s no different to the reign of terror here. If you ask difficult questions you either never get asked (to pose a question) again or somebody has a word with the proprieter and you find yourself clutching a P45.

    That’s why nobody (apart from Private Eye) thought it worth mentioning that Charles Kennedy was an a*l*ki or that Brown was a wicked and malicious psychopath.

    Nope. Got to keep your head down. Don’t break ranks. Don’t ask difficult questions. Print what your given. Gotta maintain ‘access’. The ‘access’ that allows you to print exactly what you’re told – word-for-fucking-word.

    Reporters? I’ve shit better reporters.

  57. 57
    The Northern Levies says:

    Late again.

  58. 58
    Shakey says:

    Oh, that all these posters themselves might their quietus make!
    ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished!

  59. 59
    jgm2 says:

    Good. It can’t come a moment too soon. Did he lower the voting age to 5 in the end and promise everybody who voted ‘Yes’ a teddy bear?

  60. 60
    annette curton says:

    Back to the future, I have also decided to do nothing until at least 2015, It’s supposed to be an auspicious year in the Chinese calendar.

  61. 61
    annette curton says:

    They get a signed copy of Braveheart.

  62. 62
    annette curton says:

    Better late than never (philosophy).

  63. 63
    Loungelizard says:

    By way of celebration a further 2 million wind turbines are to be unleashed into the rural areas. ‘This will greatly enhance the beauty of our unique and much loved open spaces’ an SNP spokesman was heard to mutter prior to being released back into the community to cause further destruction etc…etc…

  64. 64

    Go and read Karl Popper’s The Open Society and Its Enemies.

    If you have already read it, then go and read it more carefully, when not under the influence of dope or over-heavy masturbation.

    We have now got even worse that the fucking commies, at which Popper vented his spleen.

  65. 65
    jgm2 says:

    Signed by an al*co*holic racist?

    How authentic.

  66. 66
    Jacob(ite) says:

    JC won’t be taking over – and he’s not HMT’s press head any more. PRweek is hopelessly out of touch …

  67. 67
    annette curton says:

    Gone with the Wind, a classic.

  68. 68
    JH says:

    The Police may have been wrong to open the gates.

    But it takes a special kind of wrong to pile in, shoulder barging those in front of you en-masse like some demented Roman turtle, so that those at the front have the life crushed out of them. All to watch a bunch of ponces kick a sphere about.

    Still, it’s the self-pity-city we are talking about here. Pity for those affected by their actions doesn’t enter their tiny fucking ferry-cross-the-mersey minds.

  69. 69
    jgm2 says:

    Oh no. It didn’t happen like that at all.

    It was all the police’s fault. All Liverpool fans are innocent. Not a single one of them contributed in any way, shape or form to death of those kids at the front.

    It was all Fatchur’s fault. And now that this simple truth has come out they’re entitled to compensation.

    And if you suggest otherwise then you’re blaming the victims. Because, you see, in Liverpool, if one scouser dies then they all die a little bit. They’re all victims. Cos they’re such a tight-knit community you see. See Ken Bigley and Hillsborough for details. And nobody is guilty. See Stevie Gerrard for details.

  70. 70

    I am a troll
    And I think through my hole.

  71. 71
  72. 72

    To buy (a pay and display ticket)
    Or not to buy (a pay and display ticket)
    That is the question.
    Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the overdue chrages
    Or to let them find my arms (and legs etc..)
    Lying on the opposing end of an NCP car park,
    To die – to sleep with “Give Way”
    Painted in white on the tamac – aye, there’s the rub..ber wheel marks.

  73. 73

    And those bastard Lancastrian scoucers turned up without tickets to the Bosworth match!

    It’s “Fatchers” fault I’m fucking dead, you know!

  74. 74
    Madison Bumgarner says:

    May I suggest that he referendum be held next year – on September 9th., the 500th. anniversary of the battle of Flodden. An appropriate date for the freedom of England.

  75. 75

    Now your just plagiarising from an earlier, much funnier comment about “Butch Militwat and the Ballsup kid”

    If you silly little Milwank Tower, one handed typists can’t get any further than copy/ paste/ change a little bit, then you are being given too many bananas to eat in your hanging tyres.

  76. 76

    Yeah, but be fare – he knows that because he sent the witnesses on a special rendition plane trip…. whoops!

  77. 77

    Freedom!!! With every deep fried Mars Bar.

  78. 78

    +1… BUT -41 Labour MP’s IN THE HoC!!!!!

    FUCKIN.G GET IN!! (Or better still – FUCKIN.G GET OUT – of the Union)

  79. 79

    I detect you are not entirely favourable in your opinion of him?

  80. 80
    JH says:

    Thank you, this enquiry has really sorted things out.

    In other news, 9/11 was all the fault of the stewardesses on the planes involved for opening the pressure doors and allowing in the hijackers. The war on terror will be diverted on to all mutton-dressed-as-lamb in an airline uniform forthwith.

  81. 81
    Ho h says:

    But haven’t we been assured that the world is due to end in a month or two. What will the Chinese do with their calendars then?

    Just got back from the cafe wherein there was a Chinese waiter who informed me with gleat leglet that the “Blu(ed) coffee arr gone”.

    Any one got a spare packet?

  82. 82
    the savant says:

    Jean – Christophe eh . scare bleu et zut alors

    If we ‘re going gallic then what about that Michel fellah whose second name I’ve quite forgotten ….. the one who used to write endearing emails to Jeremy ” Can’t” when he was at CMS and rooting for Rupes takeover of Sky etc .

    I’ve seen worse choices ( Coulson ? )

    On y soit qui mal y pense

  83. 83
    the savant says:

    Come to think of it his surname probably WAS Michel .

    His first name is possibly Fred ….. as in Goodwin

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