September 4th, 2012

Rolling Reshuffle Rumours and Gossip

Beyond sharing in the delight that Osborne loyalist and current backbencher Matthew Hancock had a busy evening answering prank phone calls from amused colleagues calling him on private numbers, very few details regarding the reshuffle are actually cast in stone this morning. Downing Street have confirmed that Andrew Mitchell will replace Patrick McLoughlin as Chief Whip. The move was not universally welcomed amongst the ranks on the Commons terrace last night.

Guido was heavily tipped at the weekend that the former Chief would not be returning to the backbenches, instead getting a party role. Therefore the latest gossip that McLoughlin will be heading to Transport makes a lot of sense – when Philip Hammond was in the job, he would spend one minute of a TV appearance talking about cars or trains and the rest mopping up the government crisis of the day. From miner to firefighter.

George Young and Cheryl Gillan are reportedly toast and Shapps remains tipped to replace Warsi. Elsewhere outward movement was talked up overnight for Lansley, Spelman and Clarke – all of which remains, thus far, speculation. As of midnight, Guido got heavy kick back on Clarke going completely, but the man himself has remained uncharacteristically tight lipped. Sky claim he turned down Young’s job. Where we will be by the end of breakfast remains to be seen…

UPDATE: Clarke to Minister Without Portfollio, which means Warsi is out of two jobs.


  1. 1
    Tachybaptus says:

    Might it have been better to wait till the morning, when something has actually happened?

  2. 2
    Rupert my Hero says:

    but Dave stays, as do the other Liabilities.

  3. 3
    taC eht abbaJ says:

    Sadly no sign of the Clegglet moving outwards…

  4. 4
    Harriet Harperkin says:

    er, uhm, i guess so

  5. 5
    Plantagenet says:

    Bad news for flop sweat. And Cabinet Ministers.

  6. 6
    Leiber Losers says:

    Note McTw&t got CHEERED at the Para games last night! What does that tell you about the electorate……… words fail me!

  7. 7
    Kitler says:

    If they can suck a golf ball through 20ft of garden hosepipe they should get the job.

  8. 8
    illogical says:

    Downing Street’s legacy.
    Despite failing to deliver- [Only 2 mice in nearly 3 years] I am confident Larry will not be reshuffled, especially now that he has Freya from No 11 to advise him on mice matters .

    Makes you wonder if everything could have worked out better for the UK’s economic fortunes during the last few years if Humphrey [ a previous resident] had not decided to leave because he was allergic to Cherry Bliar.

  9. 9
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Cable tied to new post in Downing Street, and left for the amusement of passing crowds.

  10. 10 says:

    That they cheer on people with disabilities, physical or mental. Brown would have had the roof down.

  11. 11 says:

    Time to privatise the job and get Rentokil in. Who knows they may even snag Dave.

  12. 12 says:

    I see Prince Ha*rry has a new title.

    Best undressed man of the year.

  13. 13 says:

    Whats with the ad of a woman with a bright white light shining from her tomwatson? Is it supposed to be Madonna?

  14. 14
    Popeye says:

    With a modicum of good luck, Clarke, the arch European in the cabinet will be out, sacked I hope. Sent to the back benches where he can do a “Howe” on Cameron.

  15. 15
    Louise Mensch says:

    I’m loving all of this !!

    Tee ! Hee ! Tee ! Hee!

  16. 16
    illogical says:

    Thought a previous administration already tried rentakill when they decided to eradicate a certain Dr Kélly. At least 2 mouse Larry could never be considered a weapon of mass destruction.

  17. 17
    a non says:


  18. 18
    A woman says:

    Lansley and Warsi out?

  19. 19
    The Tit in No 10 says:

    No probs! – one’s basic aims are to

    1. Assert my authority

    2. Boost ties with €USSR

    3. Boost contributions to €USSR

    4. Boost O/S Aid

    5. Boost total Wind Farmage

    6. Maintain and build on Tony’s Legacy



  20. 20
    Really? says:

    Matthew Hancock:

    Voted for a smoking ban.
    Voted strongly for more EU integration.
    Voted very strongly for increasing the rate of VAT.
    Voted strongly for greater autonomy for schools.
    Voted for replacing Trident.
    Voted for automatic enrolment in occupational pensions.
    Voted very strongly for encouraging occupational pensions.
    Voted for Labour’s anti-terrorism laws.
    Voted very strongly for university tuition fees.
    Voted for raising England’s undergraduate tuition fee cap to £9,000 per year.
    Voted against a more proportional system for electing MPs.

    LabLibCon = No Choice.

  21. 21
    Mandlescum says:

    Thanks. I haven’t seen my copy Gyaboy this week.

  22. 22
    Sally says:

    Sounds good to me

  23. 23
    An (increasingly rare) normal male says:

    Any normal male would be.

    BTW – what happened to that other weird woman she used to hang around with?

  24. 24
    Sarah Twat the Twitty Tweeter says:

    Gordon my Hero got cheered last night – sleepless night being

  25. 25
    nellnewman says:

    well if he doesn’t get rid of bumbling vice the coalition will be no better off than before.

  26. 26


    *goes off to eat his branflakes*

  27. 27
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Larry is not a weapon of mouse destruction.

  28. 28
    My left foot's a brick says:

    Deckchairs anyone….?

  29. 29
    Well it's a thought says:

    Deckchairs are being rearranged, captain Camoron , plenty of icebergs and growlers about, but don’t worry about them or the passengers, they don’t matter, as long as your first mate Clegg is ok we will be home in 2015.

  30. 30
    Gonk says:

    Botox, crystals, falsies. You know, the usual thing.

  31. 31

    Has Vince become overly-libidinous, then?

  32. 32

    The Felis domesticus seems to be secure.

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    And toxomycosis, the brain infection transmitted by cats which can lead to increased risk taking and slow reactions.

  34. 34
    Dithering Dave says:

    If I replace some of the troughing duds in the government with some other troughing duds will you please say that I’m a man and not a mouse.

  35. 35
    smoggie says:

    Larry the Cat’s job is to raise the average IQ of the No 10 household.

  36. 36
    Nick Clogg says:

    It is essential that the UK remains part of the EU until I assume my seat on the gravy train.

  37. 37
    come over all giggly says:

    “Osborne loyalist and current backbencher Matthew Hancock had a busy evening answering prank phone calls from amused colleagues calling him on private numbers”

    My, what fun these tories do have.

  38. 38
    Umbongo Umbongo, They Drink it in the Congo says:

    Not much will have happened then either, just another bunch of clueless, amoral, spinless, venial shits replacing the last lot. Only good to be had is getting a few quid in at the bookies on which of the c_nts will go.

  39. 39
    nellnewman says:

    LOL! early morning spelling!

  40. 40
    Lou Scannon says:

    David Cameron’s reshuffle cull targets ministers who failed to deliver change
    That means Cameron and Osborne are gone, then, right ?

  41. 41
    nellnewman says:

    according to Sky cameron is so scared of the libdems he’s not only leaving bumbling vince where he is but he’s making 2 more of them ministers. spineless Wimp.

    Bet the tories are chuffed about that!!

  42. 42
    genghiz the kahn says:

    So you wouldn’t wind up a vain, ambitious colleague?

  43. 43
  44. 44
    Passing By says:

    He needs them more than ever (and that says more than anything about Dithering Spineless Dave)

  45. 45
    Chuckus YerMoney says:

    I sympathise – people wind me up all the time.

  46. 46
    Man in the street says:

    He’s not one of those elites, now is he?

    The Queen approved Whittam Smith’s appointment as First Church Estates Commissioner. He was chairman of the Financial Ombudsman Service from 2001 to 2003. He is also a director of Independent News and Media (UK), Vice Chairman of Tunbridge Wells Equitable Friendly Society, and a vice-president of the National Council for One Parent Families. He was appointed president of the British Board of Film Classification in 1998, instigating liberalisation of film and video censorship, a post from which he resigned in 2002. Later that year he was made a Commander of the Order of the British Empire. He has been on the Board of Trustees of The Architecture Foundation.

  47. 47
    Duty pedant says:


  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    It tells you that he is Prime Minister and you are nobody.

  49. 49
    R Sole says:

    Giz a job

  50. 50
    BARON Jeffrey Archer of Weston Super Mare says:

    I shall be pleased to accept whatever post David offers me – whether Justice Secretary or Cambridgeshire Police Commissioner

  51. 51
    come over all giggly says:

    Certainly he is an utter prick.

  52. 52
    Theresa April, Home Secretary says:

    I reappointed myself to my job in yesterday’s reshuffle.

  53. 53
    Steve Miliband says:

    Surely as it is the first deckchair moving of this Government it’s a ‘shuffle’ not a ‘reshuffle’?

  54. 54
    Knob Jockey says:

    Still sucking Tony’s cock.

  55. 55
    Knob Jockey says:

    Hancock is a third rate little cun*t.

    If promoted, he’d fit in well.

  56. 56
    Marc says:


  57. 57
    David knave-of-clubs Cameron says:

    I fold.

  58. 58
    Spike says:

    The boy stood on the burning deck
    Whence all but he had fled –

  59. 59
    C O Jones says:

    The boy stood on the burning deck
    Eating a thre’penny Walls,
    Till a bit fell down his trouser leg
    And paralysed his kneecap.

  60. 60
    Lou Scannon says:

    Presumably Ken left his portfolio on some train or other.

  61. 61
    Umbongo Umbongo, They Drink it in the Congo says:

    What fucking Tories? The Conservative Party is not in power and not in government. Dave would serve in a coalition with Millibean if he could still be PM. The man is a disgrace and the best example of a degenerate elite in power since the Romonovs in 1917.

  62. 62
    headmistress says:

    The boy stood on the burning deck
    His feet were covered in blisters.
    He split his trousers up the back
    and had to borrow his sister’s.

  63. 63
    headmistress says:

    ‘Port’ is a nautical term – indicating left; so now we know he got the appropriate position.

  64. 64
    Jimmy says:

    “Therefore the latest gossip that McLoughlin will be heading to Transport makes a lot of sense”

    Of course it does. You predicted he’d get a party job and lo and behold he didn’t get a party job.

  65. 65
    grumpyoldman says:

    Agreed. Definitely not spinless.

  66. 66
    grumpyoldman says:

    But how would you know, without disturbing the results of the experiment?

  67. 67
    grumpyoldman says:

    No – the deckchairs are the same, and about as much use as before, except that Cleggers has been told to put a couple of them back in the locker, until the ship has to go into port for a major refit. It is the crew that have been (minimally) changed. But Cleggers has said that he will not approve a reduction in the number of the lower ranks until there is a severe reduction in the number of senior officers, and an election is held for those that remain.

    Icebergs, anyone?

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