The Guidogram round-up of the week is going out shortly.
Thousands of Westminster insiders read the Guidogram, everyone from Downing Street insiders to Fleet Street never miss it. The Olympics might be over but there has been plenty going on in both Westminster and media land this week. Don’t miss out on a few silly season gems as well…
Join the conspiracy and become a subscriber to the Guidogram, free, to keep in the loop. You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…
BBC Corporation Tax Horror Story | IEA
Sally Bercow Judgement in Full | Mr Justice Tugendhat
Commies Blame Capitalism For Terror Attack | The Commentator
Lord Black v Press Regulation | Guardian
Osborne’s Complacency | FT
DWP’s Welfare Failings | Isabel Hardman
Get Used to Coalitions | David Aaronovitch
Woolwich a Showcase in the Banality of Evil | Fraser Nelson
The Enemy Within | Max Hastings
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
How ITV Crashed Out Online Last Night | MediaGuido
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Ed Balls stretches credulity by claiming he isn’t ambitious…
“I would love to be part of Ed’s Labour government but what I do next for me is not an all-consuming passion. I’m more bothered, in a personal sense, about getting to grade 8 piano by the time I’m 50.”
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Ta
This is the reason that I have done nothing over immigration.
http://eotp.org/2012/08/15/the-real-migrant-scandal-politicians-still-pretend-we-control-our-borders-when-the-truth-is-brussels-wont-let-us/
There is nothing wrong with the European Union, nor it’s immigration policies. It is Liberal Democrat policy to have unrestricted immigration and I have successfully implemented this policy in Portsmouth over the last ten years where the population statistically has increased by more than any other town or city in the UK – 8.6%. This increase is entirely down to immigration, and us accepting more asylum seekers than any other city in the south of England – 26.1%. All done since the Libdems have been in power. My boys are extremely happy housing them and have become extremely rich as well. Boaz.
Very well done Handy. I would certainly have sorted immigration out if I had been returned as prime Minister at the last election.
I would like to add to demonstrate my sincerity.
I see the Cabinet office mandarins ( are there any left ) seem to have been to the same school at Zero Gidders.
***Online petition figures released***
Total number of petitions submitted: 36,000 — Source: Cabinet Office
Go to petition website itself , reports
Open = 10000
Closed = 5500
Rejected = 13800
Total = 293000
Cabinet Office figure out by close to 20%. No change there then.
Fascinating.
You missed the 4th category – “used as toilet paper”.
Total = 293000
Cabinet Office figure out by close to 20%.
Tee hee.
Moussa Koussa, Labour apologist and bedwetter-in-residence out by 900%.
No change there then.
you know, I thought I saw an extra zero somewhere up there, but really couldnt be bothered checking.
In Moussa’s case, that’s a whole order of mongitude!
You all miss an important point. How many petitions were actually debated?
Did you get your EU In/Out referendum as a result of the petition?
Democracy isn’t working and politicians are pissing in our faces
Well what do you expect. The latter is Hague’s favourite activity on a Friday night at the Westminster S&M Club.
in a news update:
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vaguehague is running the country as the PM does a chillax.
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BigHitterHague causes a diplomatic storm….and sabotages his bid for the leadership of the Tory party.
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Michael Gove, son of knife carrying Heseltine and Portillo licks his lips…while BlondBombshellBoris has a hoot.
I’ll read it in the dentist’s waiting room.
You’ll have to wait at least 2 years then
Guido. We all know deep down that you are a Dave apologist.
While your secret love is away, any chance of telling us who is actually running the country….we all need a good laugh.
What we’d like to know is who’s got their hand up your backside?
Good point.
I know you dont want to here this…but the Man ( ???? ) in charge is none other than Bill*y Boy V*ague… Discuss.
Oh right.
Do you think he’s dishy?
Homophobic?
Hear
Methinks he do protest too much.
Oi leave our Little Willy alone, he is trying his best.
Today i came across this in a novel I was reading, I wonder if this rings a few bells with you laddies. This novel was actually first printed in 1936 in a french novel by Gabriel Chevallier, “Fortuntely, the attitude of her son in law, Oscar de Saint-Choul, to extentatoned for it. Having no prpfessionor capacity for active work, this young nobleman was aimingat a political candidature of a complexion as yet as yet to be determined, for prudence suggested that itwould be well to refrain from giving offense to any party until his convictions were definitely proclaimed; and this he wouldpostpone until the lastpossible moment, in order to avoid all risk of making a mistake andof being unduly hasty in his professionof faith.” This novel was about the antics of small French town big wigs, nowt really changes does it?
That’s an easy one to answer, who is running the country? (and not only ours into the ground), Mr Rumpey and Co.
Let’s bomb Equadoristan.
The Guidogram… will it include the news that the cockalition have closed another Four Remploy factories today.
You must all be so proud.
They’re all off to the Paralympics.
Got to admire the energy.
Yes they’re so fit they fucking walk there…
Tax payer funded of course
Moussa you won’t win that argument on here. Most on here have less heart than the Tin Man.
This government would make Thatcher blush on some of the things they’re doing.
If I won (silly) lottery money the first thing I’d do would be to re-open the Remploy centres.
In fact Smith and Grayling would have Stephen Hawking stacking shelves for their supermarket buddies if they could.
And how many of the registered disabled has Chris Grayling helped off benefits and into full time real jobs this week?
No the first thing you would do would be to look for the magical money tree.
The first thing I’d do is pledge another couple of million quid to the S&P independence election.
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Thatcher blushes as there are more people employed now as national productivity falls.
New mattress for Koussa, his old one is dripping like a sponge.
gawd is i.t that time of the week already ??
must remember to brush my teeth
no sod it
i brushed them last year and see no need to repeat the process yet
“Thousands of Westminster insiders read the Guidogram, everyone from Downing Street insiders to Fleet Street never miss it.”
I know I never have.
But your a piss socked tramp living out of a cardboard box off the old Kent road.
he’s wearing piss socks?
You overestimate this blog’s importance.
I believe well-known comedians trawl it for material though.
More dredging than trawling really.
Every Prime Minister needs a Willie.
I raise my bottle to the dead tree press,thank you.
What not to say to the Speaker: “going out shortly?”.
If you are going to pick a fight:
1. Know in advance you are going to win it.
2. Know what you stand to gain when you win
I learnt these simple rules through my comprehensive education in Wales.
I did not have the benefit of an Eton or Oxbridge education.
At least seven striking miners shot dead by Police for striking in South Africa.
Lonmin PLC in the forefront. Still allowed to trade today in London just like good old Standard Chartered.
I do not think any job is worth losing your life for.
But is it worth killing a taxi dr*iv*er for?
Platinum prices about to rocket.
Still playing cricket against the South African state as well.