August 1st, 2012

It’s Boris Mania!

Cameron has gritted his teeth to comment on Boris’ high-flying success:

“If any other politician anywhere in the world was stuck on a zip wire it would be a disaster. For Boris, it’s an absolute triumph.”

Apparently “London is very lucky” to have him. He couldn’t sound more like he doesn’t want him…

Yesterday the Sun reported of the Mayor:

“In a surprise visit to the beach volleyball in Horse Guards Parade, he also patented the “Boris wave”. He tried to get the 15,000 crowd to do a Mexican wave but his initial effort prompted everyone to stand and throw their hands up at the same time.”

Today he’s reached even greater heights. Tomorrow?


  1. 1
    Kebab Time says:

    Boris is a one off and legend.


  2. 2
    SP4BS says:

    “Mania is a state of abnormally elevated or irritable mood, arousal, and/or energy levels. Mania is a criterion for certain psychiatric diagnoses.”

    You said it, not me.


  3. 3
    hugorudd says:

    Boris is Bane.


    • 175
      AC1 says:

      Strong willed, fighting to avenge a wrong, with lovely ladies around him? It’s an interesting film although the ending is scrappy in more than one way…


      • 234
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        And the film memorabilia market is easily served; just use up all those left over cabbage patch dolls.


  4. 5
    Moussa Koussa says:

    I really am loving your naivety. One, outside London Boris has no hope. Two, Cockermoon is going nowhere, so no vacancy, and finally, best Boris can hope for is Tory leader in 2016 ( in opposition ). I doubt if he would even consider it.


    • 8
      Dr. Henry Freud says:

      Moon? meaning a beautiful szing of ze night or ze anus.

      I see. Ruff.


      • 36
        Sigmund Freud says:

        When ze patient refers to ze cockermoon he is truly refering to his anus blowing bubbles after a zexual encounter.


      • 46
        Gooey Blob says:

        Opposition? You appear to be under the misapprehension that Ed Miliband could win an election and become Prime Minister. Frankly, the majority of ordinary Labour party members didn’t even want him…


    • 10
      HIGNFY says:

      Boris is loved everywhere you jerk.


    • 139
      Marion the cat says:

      short, succinct and to the point, BOLLOCKS YOU TWAT, Boris is widely well regarded and hoped for as a political leader, everywhere in the country, so stop making up things you have no real hope of knowing.


      • 243
        Weygand says:

        Sorry but to many who live outside the metropolis Boris represents the egotistical, morally repugnant financial disequilibrium which distances London not merely in mileage but in values from the rest of the UK.

        And, of course, he only narrowly beat that other metropolitan human catastrophe Livingstone by a whisker.

        Were Boris ever to be leader of the Tories it would mean that even a God forsaken arsehole like Red Ed might be PM – mind you either of them would produce a revolt up Noth which would make Syria look like Jeux sans frontières – which in a way it would be.


        • 294
          Lucius Calidius Eroticus says:

          Strange that you think the people of the north would hate Boris, while it is the liberal LONDON so called elite that as consistently fucked this country up by being leftist fuctards time and time again.


  5. 11
    I can't believe it's not Thursday says:

    Big, blond, bonking bimbo.


    • 50
      Anonymous says:

      Guido, you lampoon David Milliband for skipping on the pavement whilst eating a banana, but when Borus gets stuck on a sliding wire and waves his legs about he is lauded and given accolades, for being a splendid chap. How many have managed to get stuck on a sliding wire?


  6. 12
    alexsandr says:

    A week is a long time in politics

    After the olympics, when all the hype has gone and the analysis of the LOCOG failures (empty london, empty seats, zil lanes, protection of sponsors ‘rights’ etc) then all will not be so rosy…


    • 35
      Ed Blue Balls says:

      Very true. When the bread has all been eaten, and the circus has packed up and fucked off, the national dose of Valium will quickly wear off.


    • 60
      Four-eyed English Genius says:

      Let us not forget under whose watch LOCOG was set up!


    • 81
      • 194
        Phil says:

        It seems like only yesterday that the BBC and the whole media was saying London will be gridlocked during the Olympics and now that it isn’t that’s fucking terrible too.
        Call me old fashioned but you cannot have it both ways either it’s fucked because you cant move or it’s fucked because it’s empty. Fleet Street and the BBC are beginning to sound more like the libor party every day by using a two faced argument which, for any sort of crediblity, is predicated on the mistaken belief that that public are too thick to realise what they are saying.


      • 293
        Anonymous says:

        Well Cammers will have an excuse for a 3rd quarter of bad financial figures


    • 108
      Colin the Meek says:

      Christ some of you people should stop wasting your lives posting shite on the internet and go outside.

      I presume the whiney list of “LOCOG failures” includes organising a fantastic Olympics. Sad.


      • 156
        bloke in an peaked hat says:

        Shall I introduce you to the Egress ?


        • 178
          Sir Aston Martin says:

          >some of you people should stop wasting your lives posting shite on the internet

          … he said, posting shite on the internet :-)


        • 254
          P.T. Barnum says:

          I used to charge for that: “This way to the Egress! Only 10c!”


      • 269
        Ava Banana says:

        6 days so far and on each day some new embarrassing cock up for LOCOG broadcast worldwide for all to see. Only another 10 days or so to go, so what else can possibly go wrong? As someone who from day 1 did not want this waste of our hard earned cash, I see nothing but pleasure in viewing the red faces all over the place trying desperately to put a brave spin on it all. Bojo’s antics are not going to be quite enough to pull the LOCOG chestnuts of of this particular cauldron.


  7. 14
    MAD FRANKIE HANDLEMYCOCK son of Cod! says:

    I’m gonna stick a shotgun up my arse and pull the trigger, ‘cos that’s the kinda guy I am.


  8. 16
    Dave says:

    The fact that Camercon has said this only confirms that our political elite “and I use the term lightly” are fully aware of the low levels of esteem at which the general public now value them. DC is right, for any other politician this would have been a disaster and yes for camp Boris yet another triumph. Boris is human and has made some big mistakes, Ken Bigley being probably his biggest error and yet he is loved. He is loved for his passion, his sense of humour his drive and his patriotism, he is basically loved for being everything a modern career politician isn’t!


  9. 21
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Somehow I don’t see people queuing up to have their photographs taken with Red Ed or Call Me Quisling Dave.


  10. 24 says:

    Thanks to Boris there was a huge swing to the right today.


  11. 28
    Moussa Koussa says:

    We are laughting at him — Not with him !!!!


    • 31
      Hahahahahahahaha!! says:


      • 107
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Thanks for posting that.

        We should all be periodically reminded of just what a massive c unt Gordon Brown was, and is.


      • 252
        Lord Jensen Interceptor says:

        This has to be the funniest politcal clip ever. Even better than Kinnochio falling in the English Channel.

        I love it.


    • 38
      retardEd Miliband says:

      Pssstht!! Do you want to thee my blank theet of paper?

      One day, I hope to write a polithy on it. Who knowth, perhapth two polithieth.


    • 40
      retardEd Miliband (runner-up in the Labour leadership contest) says:

      Pssstht!! Do you want to thee my blank theet of paper?

      One day, I hope to write a polithy on it.


      • 55
        Gooey Blob says:

        Here’s a better idea: Take that blank piece of paper, write “PTO” on both sides, then hand it to Ed Balls for 3 years while Alistair Darling gets on with setting out your economic policies.


  12. 29
    Hon. Fiorello LaGuardia, Mayor, New York City (1933-1945) says:

    Everything Boris knows about how to be an effective politician, despite being a comical figure, he learned from studying me. Ed Miliband please note, and profit from Bozo BoJo’s example.


  13. 32
    Ed Blue Balls says:

    No surprise that ol’ Shit Fawkes has his tongue right up Johnson’s bumhole. I mean for all his protestations otherwise he’s a pro-bankster Tory twat.


  14. 33
    will says:

    better Boris than ken livingstone, thats why i voted for boris. At least he seems to be enjoying himself and making a good impression for london as mayor. would ken attract investment for london in the way that boris would.


    • 48
      Ken Livingston says:

      If I had become mayor, by now every building would be a mosque, every tower a minaret, every girl would be genitally mutilated (on the NHS). Londónistan would be a beacon of Islám!

      You damn fools! Look what you’ve missed out on! You could have had all this and more!


      • 229
        Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

        Do you mean genitally mutilated as opposed to genitally molested on the BHS (Bonkers Herpes Service).


  15. 37
    Jimmy says:

    “Today he’s reached even greater heights. Tomorrow?”

    Belongs to him?


    • 77
      Archer Karcher says:

      Hitler was a socialist Jimmy, get over it.


      • 99
        Jimmy says:

        Compared to you lot perhaps.


        • 117
          Anonymous says:

          “We are socialists, we are enemies of today’s capitalistic economic system for the exploitation of the economically weak, with its unfair salaries, with its unseemly evaluation of a human being according to wealth and property instead of responsibility and performance, and we are all determined to destroy this system under all conditions”

          Adolph Hitler. (Jimmy)


          • Jimmy says:

            Read a fucking book. Seriously.


          • ahem says:

            The clue is in the name Jimmy. It’s no good socialists trying to airbrush this out of history. They’ve done a bloody good job of it so far, but the more intelligent of us are on to them, and you.

            National Socialists


          • AC1 says:

            Jimmy doesn’t like it pointed out that National Socialists and International Socialists differ only in the way they pick the groups to be rounded up and shot based mainly on what their parents did.


          • Minnie Kampfer says:

            Ooooh, touched a raw nerve Jimmy? I have taken you up on your suggestion and just read a book, a history one. ‘Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei’. Turns out they were indeed socialists! Inconvenient truths hey Herr Jimmy.


          • Jimmy says:

            Looks like the Glen Beck fanclub’s here tonight.


  16. 42
    The Office Of Boris Johnson says:

    “Today he’s reached even greater heights.Tomorrow?”

    Boris has been chosen to be the guest to “fix” LIBOR.

    As good as it gets for BoJo.


    • 195
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      But he has had to decline as he is organising the end of games ‘bonka bonka’ party.


  17. 43
    Mind number says:

    I think I must be the person in the country who is not interested in the olympics.


    • 51
      Only 11 days 04 hours 38 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:



      • 54
        I type with my toes says:

        Soon in single figure of days. Yay!


        • 65
          Only 11 days 04 hours 22 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:

          If you have Excel, here’s a great way to get into the Olympic spirit:

          in cell A1 put “27/07/2012 21:00:00″ (the date/time of the start of the opening ceremony)
          in A2 put “=now()-a1″ (the difference between now and the start of the ..)
          in A3 put “=9000000000/16″ (format this as currency; the cost of the games / number of days)
          in A4 put “=A2*A3″ (format as currency; the cost of the games from opening ceremony to now).

          Keep pressing F9 to see all the money burning away! I make it about £5,000 per second.

          and so on.


          • I type with my toes says:


            I want to capitalise on Grauniadista guilt. So I propose the following addition:
            In A5 put “=A4/(65.45*52)” (format as integer. This is the amount of dole seekers who could have received benefit for the amount what was pissed away. Heading towards a million. Well done Tony!

            Always politically incorrect :-)


          • Only 11 days 02 hours 24 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:

            That is also scary!


    • 57
      Fuck the Olympics says:

      If everything’s gone to plan then a lot of people are not in the country for precisely that reason :


      • 100
        Fish says:

        Yes, but in the UK people are actually allowed to leave the country – and hundreds of thousands always do during the school holidays


      • 186
        Osric Testacles says:

        Sad miserabilist Daily Mail small winkle shite. Odd how the lemon suckers on the right and the left come together to tap away on their keyboard with faces screwed with negativity and despair.

        Me, got a smile on my face, enjoying the Olympics, living in the present day and only popping on here once in a while to remind myself how utterly sad one folk are.



        • 241
          9 medals down, 39 to go says:

          Enjoying the Olympics as well as Guido’s irreverent blog and even the window lickers’ comments. One does not exclude the other.


    • 64
      Anonymous says:

      There a lot more folks who couldn’t be bothered with the London Olympic games, even folks with free seats cannot be bothered to attend, it’s all about reflected glory,policitians hoping that if the athletes win they will kudos out of it and the mob being whipped up to a frenzy, the BBC has gone mad with their broadcasts with commentators shrieking in to the microphone, I will be glad when it is all over.


  18. 47
    keredybretsa says:

    The Camergoon Show hates being upstaged from a REAL master of his craft.


    • 200
      Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

      I had no idea Cameron was a seriuos competitor in the sport of cuckolding his friends.


  19. 49
    I type with my toes says:

    For over 20 years, at Athens’ height, the city was dominated by the aloof, ‘Olympian’ figure of Pericles. A magnificent orator with a reputation for scrupulous honesty, Pericles deepened and extended the reforms that Cleisthenes had set in motion some 50 years before.


  20. 52
    Dave (Windmills on my Mind) says:

    Not a problem. I’ll just keep on talking tough and making promises and hope that nobody notices that nothing ever happens. This government lark is easy – it’s just like PR.


    • 119
      A um - just bumming around and smelling like a pooov says:

      o darling! but we will hav bum sex tonit won’t we? – why wait? – let’s do it here in the car park! lust is so now don’t you think?


  21. 56
    Sally Bercow says:

    I’d have a pull on his zip anytime.


  22. 58
    Aunty Matter says:

    Clearly the BBC is not impressed, that can be the only reason that Huw Edwards just performed oral sex on Ed Miliband just now on News 24.

    What the fuck is the BBC doing giving Miliband a 10 minute party political freebie? wasn’t last Friday’s 3 hour one enough?

    Cam-moron and Boris have official roles, neither are being political, so why does the BBC feel the need to wheel out the two eyed mong?


    • 63
      Uncle Matter says:

      You see, dearest, it’s all to do with the Beeb’s obsession with political correctness, inclusiveness, gender equality, diversity, cohesion and all that stuff.


    • 70
      not a machine says:

      Feel sorry that Huw has forced the Welsh speaking to having to endure that Eds a winner , get him drug tested ….


    • 72
      David Minibanana says:

      How many people would have the strength of character to listen to Milibandwagon Minor for more than three minutes without lapsing into a coma ?


    • 87
      AC1 says:

      It’s not too bad though. The more they wheel out Millband the more people see of him, and we know what that does to his votes.


  23. 67
    not a machine says:

    Well first golds, bit of fun and celebration seems the right thing .

    meanwhile Monti says yes to esf banking licence Bundesbank says no , Giethner says it will be a long term job to sort euro ……

    BOE gets economists to admit they got it wrong , Tom Keene memorbale Blancheflower Interview “you know is it you guys and your PHD economics that is to blame” really does seem wrong to have pulled his show from air shortly afterwards , any chance of a special for tommorow post Draghi ???……


    • 124
      The Golem says:

      That reminds me, I need to stock up on vegetarian sausage and beans.


    • 147
      Expat Geordie says:

      As an economics graduate I soon discovered that economics is a false science. We had lectures explaining why economics is a “science”, yet my degree is a BA.

      In the early 1990’s we had lectures explaining why fixed exchange rates in the form of the ERM were such a wonderful thing, yet when I had my graduation ceremony five months after my finals, only 3 of us had jobs (out of 70) because of our membership of the ERM.

      Economic History was an OPTION in our first year, which was only studied by 10 of us. It should have mandatory. Then the idiots would learn about the gold standard and Bretton Woods, and wouldn’t repe@t the mistakes of the ERM by wanting to join the Euro.


      • 173
        AC1 says:

        >As an economics graduate I soon discovered that economics is a false science.

        Economics IS a science. It’s just that science and university are now strangers! Just look at the AGW bollocks.


        • 209
          Tristram Smallbore-ffipps says:

          Beats me how economics can be called a science (and I did it as a minor). I never came across a single economic theory which met Popper’s test of falsifiability.


          • AC1 says:

            It depends…

            Ricardo’s Law of Rent is rather sound.
            dPrice = dDemand / dSupply seems to hold reasonably well.
            If you punish it you get less, and if you reward it you get more seems rather.

            There do seems to be ecoonomics dept fads such as marxism then keysianism then MMT which do seem to prosper despite being falsified.

            You can do an economics degree and never hear of Mises, Hayek or the Austrian school. Which does lead me to think they’re not teaching economics.


          • Another Engineer says:

            Gordon Brown tested quite a lot of it to destruction…


      • 262
        not a machine says:

        Economics is a science ….. perhaps but dont you need good ones ?

        In my day we had a thing called work study , it helped in one sense in gaining better costing , but then my understanding of ecnomics was based around evaluating technological improvements . I helped commison a brand new process plant in the 80s, it was a marvel , reduced price of product . 20 yrs later product now made by company in EU and factory closed 400 jobs gone .
        I dont beleive in state aided companies as such , but the way manufacturing was damaged by the last lot to get low inflation and invest oversees on banks return , was a betrayal to the working class . How ironic that under Labour , I know they werent good as products sometimes and were hopelessly asailed by union demands , Rover went for a £1 having had brand new lines put in by government and LDv was sold to russian company and then closed. Just like that , Labour even managed to get our army kit made oversees let alone call centres …. lying shits


  24. 71

    The crowd get to their feet. They are doing the ‘Boris Wave’ and lustily signing “Rule Britannia.”

    A seated old man in a brown raincoat and scarf, holding Taxation for dummies and with a ‘VOTE KEN in 2016′ badge on his lapel, puts his head sorrowfully into his hands.

    As Cameron gets into his Rolls Royce Osborne asks,

    “Do you still think you can control him, Dave?”


  25. 76
    Universal Hiss says:

    Sigh. I don’t like sporty things. I live far,far away from London.

    Bugger.I’ve forgotton my point. Tosses in a bit of Latin & blond highlights.Well I would if I knew any.

    Oh yes.Does any of this matter?

    Sum est faterium bollixi.


  26. 84
    from the litter tray....., says:

    Sorry for not joining in today. Seriously wankered myself last night. Might have been a personal best. Or worst. Keep up the good work x


  27. 88
    nellnewman says:

    Oh Dear a politician who can laugh at himself and appe@l to the common man!

    cameron’s days are numbered.


  28. 96
  29. 97
    Same old same old says:

    Steady on chap!

    Boris isn’t in a position to fuck up the nation’s finances, which means he secures a special place in the heart of British society, for a politician at least.

    If he ever became P.M the nation would turn on him quicker than you could say “Whiff-Whaff”


  30. 103
    annette curton says:

    Euro-pea-ns suck.


    • 115
      toba ennaid says:

      yo am makain wid da ray cyst an da raycyst pees! – than sho as sho yo’ll be a makin wid da ryce – an den all da hell break looz!!


  31. 105
    Gaston says:

    Cameron is looking more like Ted Heath by the day. Means well, started well, wobbled into failure.

    Any other politician [imagine McDoom!] caught stuck up a zip-line would be in full-out spin damage control – but Boris wins applause. Even better, Boris has the happy knack of saying Thatcherite things to modern audiences without frightening them – indeed they seem enchanted by a character who beams out “Me? It’s all a bit of laugh because I don’t really give a give a fck what the chattering classes think about me, mate.”

    Boris for Prime Minister!


    • 114
      Tin Can Cam – just being kicked down the road and rattling along - making stupid rattling noises says:

      I say you jolly chaps!! Have you noticed my jolly super PR appearances and speeches? No? . . . oh! Those jolly chaps in Brussels have – they want me there!!!


      • 122
        Only 11 days 02 hours 19 minutes until the Olympics are over! Yay! says:

        They’re f*cking welcome to you.

        Just imagine it, though – DC gets a job in Brussels (not just any job; the big important job for which he’s always been destined, the one that’s far more important than PM) and oh bugger me, Britain withdraws from the EU. Un P45 pour David..

        Heh heh heh.


    • 140

      Personally I am learning lots from the schoolboy errors our government are making, so when I become grand supremo I hopefully wont make such silly cock ups. I mean, come on, basic human nature and this countries social cohesion have been ingored. We are tipetoing down the road of extremism.

      It is just a sad fact, as reported on Panorama, Dispacthed and on the BBC News website this week that what the government keeps claiming bears no relation to reality at least with regards to disability reforms. Well done those companies for standing up for the marginalised minorities. Seems that the worms are turning and that decency is returning to the media and good on them.

      Dave chasing money is the fastest route to darkness known to man. Do you want to be remembered as the prime minister who illuminated this nation we share or the one who led this country into extremist darkness? Bad news for you you are already well on the way there.

      That said, and this is the funny thing, I do agree with you, things do need to change, but you really have gone too far too fast and this country is paying a very heavy price for it. With an economic recovery you might just have got away with it.

      There were alternatives. And the longer it continues the more Panorama and Dispatches programs will show your policies for what they really are and not what you claim them to be. The difference is there because of your speed and your lack of accounting for human nature.

      Schoolboy errors in a bid to make things work within a political timeframe. But society and economics dont follow political timeframes Dave.


      • 171
        AC1 says:

        Tell you what.

        “If the lack of charity offends thee, Reach into thine own wallet, not others.”

        Psalm Boris 1:1 The parable of the 120 Million murdered by Marxism.


        • 179

          I do AC1. When I can I buy food etc for homeless people. Including for their dogs. At least then I know it is going to food and not drugs etc.

          If I ever became rich I suspect that I would fund a lot of work in the homeless field.


          • Sir Aston Martin says:

            If the homeless were really hungry, they’d eat their dogs. Nutritious and tasty with it (see King Rat by James Clavell; or ask any Korean. When a Korean shows you a dish of meatballs and says “These are the dog’s bollocks” he’s not kidding.)


          • AC1 says:

            Ah you give the homeless money so they can buy drugs and make themselves worse off.


      • 300
        Slippery Slope says:

        ‘Prime minister who led us into extreme darkness.’

        That would be Gordon Brown then, wouldn’t it?


    • 142
      David only-doing-this PM-job-for-a-bet Cameron says:

      I support Burnley FC, you know.


  32. 120
    ykk says:

    Its not the first time Boris has had trouble with his zip.


  33. 129
    Tachybaptus says:

    Boris is one of the very few politicians that I don’t want to see dangling from a length of wire.


  34. 131
    Crimes, folliies and misfortunes of mankind watcher says:

    Boris is distantly related to George II but the English monarch he most reminds me of is William IV who ‘restored the popularity of the throne [ after a certain George had made it decidedly unpopular] , but not its dignity.’


  35. 163
    where did it all go fucking wrong? says:

    Farage vs Blair, an historical perspective.


    • 169
      T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

      Proof personified that, regardless of my customary impassioned soundbites, the British people got royally shafted and I got filthy rich. #theliborparty


      • 184
        I have my head in my hands everytime I look at Blair's resume. says:

        I’m not sure what I find more infuriating, the utter drivel spewing out of St. Blair’s mouth or all of the europhiles clapping along in admiration

        Oh how foolish they all look now. I suppose the one good thing that can come out of this euro crisis is that they can no longer shield themselves with political soundbites and they must now face the economic realities of this disastrous euro experiment.

        I have an unfortunate feeling that day won’t come any soon.


    • 170
    • 226
      AC1 says:

      In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

      Some guy who based his dystopian books on his BBC experience.


    • 247
      666 = Number of the Blair says:



  36. 190
    Saffron says:

    Would I support Farage against that war crimminal Bliar,yes I would Bliar and Slotgob are the dregs of British society.
    How the hell we managed to elect this tosser is beyond me.
    In fact British politics is now so riven with greed and personal interests that it is a joke.
    When oh when are we going to wake up to the fact that we are being taken on a ride compliments of the BANKSTERS of this country.
    There has to be an end story to what is going on,what that is I don’t know,but it does not seem good to me.
    Do we have a government right now, absolutely not,wavy Davy needs to get his act together big time,will he absolutely not.
    Is Davy boy for England no he is not,and to me any person who is not for ENGLAND is in my book a TRAITOR.


  37. 196
    daveyone1 says:

    Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum. and commented:
    Don’t get stuck Boris!


  38. 211
    The tower of Peasa says:


  39. 212
    Uncommon Knowledge says:


    • 224
      WVM says:

      As syrup of figs go that one sat on top of Charles Hill’s head is fucking atrocious, it wants taking outside and shooting.


    • 248
      Crystal Ball Material says:

      A very interesting listen, I recommend it’s worth an hour of your valuable time.


  40. 223
    Gordon Brown MP says:

    Get real, Diane. You love the Shard because it looks like a BM’sC, all 15,000 rock-hard inches of it!!!


  41. 230
    BBC mincing queen says:

    We are not happy, today three more honkey’s won gold medals. This is not what we want to see, we showed the world last week that Britain is now a clone of Kabul and Tehran, so we need more ‘bruvvers’ from the hood to show the honkey’s how it’s done.

    Also the crowds were terrible, awfully posh and white, we’re going to start to pixelate them out or get Danny back (bung him another 24 million) to turn the honkey crowds into the mujahedin.


    • 238
      Harridan Harmanhater says:

      It was in fact an omni-shambles. The 97,000th omni-shambles this week under a nasty, vicious Tory-led Coalition.


  42. 237
    Bogeyman says:

    Boris is the greatest living Englishman.


  43. 246
    WVM says:

    Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea, Pea.

    Thank good God! I needed that!


  44. 255
    Lies Lies Lies and more lies says:

    Sky is reporting that plastic carrier bags take a thousand years to degrade. No they don’t. Left in the sun they take less than six months, stored in a shed less than two years, put on the compost heap never see them again.


    • 259
      Lefty bolocks makes us all poor says:

      That 1,000 year story has to be bollocks. Otherwise they’d be bloody everywhere. hanging from trees all over the place.

      I had one stuck in a tree in the back garden. that packaging plastic about 6m long. After a few months it was gone. I never got it down it was a 100ft up. No one from t’ut council did neither.


      • 260
        Professor Graham says:

        UV radiation and oil troughing bugs ensure that placcy bags last less than a couple of years. The story is pure Bull Shit


      • 263
        Tachybaptus says:

        Polythene decomposes quickly when exposed to the air and sunlight. It doesn’t decompose in landfill, because the anaerobic conditions more or less mummify everything. But whatever happens, this very chemically simple plastic doesn’t give off toxic by-products. (Unlike PVC, which is pretty horrible in this respect.) It causes more of a problem when it gets into the sea. As it decomposes, it breaks down into shreds which, although inert, can choke birds and fish.

        Polythene is made from oil. It can quite easily be turned back into oil. There is a pilot plant for doing this in Washington DC. There is a strangely slow, wordless 11-minute video of the process at

        which you might enjoy if watching paint dry is your idea of an evening’s entertainment.


    • 266
      Flatuance says:

      A thousand years? I Challenge anyone to produce an intact plastic bag that was made even ten years ago.


      • 268
        FYI says:

        Plastic bags have only been around since the Thirties, so no one knows how long they last. But scientists estimate they take 400 to 1,000 years to vanish. Some are designed to turn into carbon dioxide, water and compost within a month or two – but only in a composter. Chemicals in some bags, particularly the inks used in printing, can leak and cause poisoning or turn into noxious compounds if burned. In the oceans, they can survive intact for years. A recent Greenpeace report found that one remote area, called the Pacific Gyre, a whirling current, contained more than a million items of plastic microdebris in every square kilometre of ocean surface.


        Only 5% of us recycle bags. UK facilities are so limited that about 100million a year are shipped back to China. There, they are shredded, melted and turned into plastic beads. The dyes and inks in bags do not make them harder to recycle – but they turn the plastic grey or black. The beads can be used to make new bags. Plastic bags are cheaper than paper bags, but may be worse for the environment. Four times as much energy is used to produce them and 85 times as much to recycle them, the US. Environmental Protection Agency says. But paper takes up nine times the space of a plastic bag at landfill. And paper bags are four times more expensive.

        Read more:


        • 273
          W Raleigh says:

          Tesco developed plastic bags that broke down so fast you were lucky if you could get your purchases back to your car without them spilling all over the ground.


          • garden shed old bag scientist says:

            Tell me about it. Due to, ahem, a lack of storage space some of my old clothes are stored in Tesco bags.
            Or were. Now they’re just in a pile covered with what looks like large flakes of dandruff.


        • 274
          Archer Karcher says:

          You win the prize for the biggest amount of pure bollocks in one post. Congratulations.


  45. 261
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Boris is a Cock !
    But not as big a Cock as Camoron !


  46. 265
    not a machine says:

    I perhaps am worried that if by the time NN arrives does a report on todays ecnomic briefings , theres still a huge unexplained bit , bloomberg useually carry full briefings . I would imagine most people will just want to keep on with Olympics and enjoying UK fest . If its got that much future wonk factor they will no doubt be in hurry to clarify matters at EU level , noting that supporting the euro is different to sorting it all out in a beleivable and verfiable way . Very late in the day for this , but its there party , told us to but out enough times , be nice leader of communists explain it away ….lol I forgot the communists have some of the top jobs …..


  47. 276
    Tomorrow's Chip Wrapper says:

    Old “Gidders” must be as sick as a parrot…not only isPlan A bombing and the UK economy on brink of triple dip;his cunning plan to boost growth is fucked;nobody is spending money in central London and now Boris is positioning himself to return to HoC and take over Tory leadership !!!


    • 279
      a non says:

      You will be suggesting next that tomorrow Saint Tone is planning to run as King of Europe and the day after Emperor of the world.


  48. 278
    Grollace says:

    They should have made Boris Bikes compulsory at the Velodrome.


  49. 282
    Dopey Dave says:

    Yes, I know I said I’d bring down immigration and it’s actually gone up. Yes, I know I said I’d sort out housing benefit and it now costs more than ever. Yes, I know I said I’d reduce the number of civil servants and their numbers have increased. You thickos don’t understand the difference between a promise and an aspiration. Chiiiiiiiiiiiillaaaaaaaaaaaaxe.


    • 289
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      I would really like the dopey fuckwit just to remove all the benefits enjoyed by the jocks welsh and paddys
      Like free university , free prescriptions , free care for the elderly etc We seem to becoming second class citizens in our own fuckin counrty
      Not to mention the Immigrunts
      “we are all in it together” some are in it more than others !


  50. 283
    Raving Loon says:

    Boris passes the “who would you rather have a pint with?” test.


  51. 284
    Alan Ruffbadger says:


  52. 285
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Sky News !
    An Italian who wins a gold medal receives £116,000 from their government
    An American who wins a gold medal receives £15,000 from their government
    A Brit who wins a gold medal receives a picture of a stamp from their government


    • 287
      Nullbymouth says:

      There fixed it for you …

      Sky News !
      An Italian who wins a gold medal receives £116,000 from the ECB
      An American who wins a gold medal receives £15,000 from their government
      A Brit who wins a gold medal receives a picture of a stamp from their government


      • 291
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        Yes of course , Dave will be so pleased that all our billions that he borrowed to give away to the EU is going to a good cause


    • 288
      SP4BS says:

      Sounds OK to me.


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