July 13th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Egg and Soldiers Edition)


  1. 1
    Nullbymouth says:

    Mon Dieu!

    Your hair it is like my mistresses armpits

  2. 2
    Reader says:

    “Short it out”

  3. 3
    Sniper says:

    Gunner “Lofty” Sugden in demob suit leaves barracks.

  4. 4
    Reader says:

    “What Neo-Guido would look like if he brushed his hair”

    Sorry Neo :)

  5. 5
    A Guardsman says:

    !! FIRE!!!

  6. 6
    Dave Bruce says:

    Shut it shorty

  7. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Napolean Complex!

  8. 8
    Nullbymouth says:

    I still want more proof

  9. 9
    Merde says:

    Guardsman disciplined for having an offensive person on his weapon!

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    I cant believe he has 2 women fighting over him !

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Do Bears shit in their hats?

  12. 12
    Reader says:

    “New clone model selected so that troops conform to the new French equality bill”

  13. 13
    Nullbymouth says:

    Looks like an early 10 bottle lunch !!!!!


  14. 14
    SouthEastVoter says:

    is that napoleon?

  15. 15
    Reader says:

    “Latest victim of French eugenics policy identified”

  16. 16
    Sizzla says:

    Un petit peu

  17. 17

    Theresa May has solved the problem with deportation of foreign criminals.

  18. 18
    Pundit Too says:

    French pocket sized Socialist President Hollande lost his way in trying to visit the queen and is escorted out.

  19. 19
    Steve Miliband says:

    G4S try out new recruits for VIP (and President Hollande)

  20. 20
    200 Dead Syrians says:

    BBC reports that we are allegedly dead.

  21. 21
    Selohesra says:

    All the soldiers ” Waterloo, waterloo da-di-di dee di-dee-da-de-da etc”

  22. 22
    Legal Crook says:

    Spitting image puppets get very life like.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Has he any idea that the headwear is ex Frech Imperial Guard kit – won by the English from the French, during one of our many inter country scraps?

  24. 24
    annette cosy says:

    French General tries to compete with a white knitted tea-cosy tipped at a jaunty angle.

  25. 25
    Reader says:

    “After offending Kate Middleton, The French President is sent to the Tower!”

  26. 26
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Union Flag in Whitehall Scandal”

  27. 27
    Mike says:

    So this is how Sarkozy feels everyday!

  28. 28
    mar45 says:

    The long & short of it is – Britain beats Hollande by a head (and shoulders)

  29. 29
    TC says:

    So what if we eat horses? You put bears on your head.

  30. 30
    Reader says:

    Hollende “Can you lend me a tenner, i am a bit short this week?”

  31. 31
    Sargent Major says:


  32. 32
    Steve Miliband says:

    Does my Burm look big in this?

  33. 33
    Janan Ganesh Superstar says:

    Left, right, left, right

  34. 34
    Sponge says:

    Would you like a box, Sir?

  35. 35
    Son of Rupert says:

    A woman is walking down the street and see’s a sign in the pet shop window reading, “FANNY LICKING FROG £25″ curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, “I’d like to see the fanny licking frog please.” To which the shop keeper replies, “Bonjour!”

  36. 36

    sacre bleu! i’ve been seen off in the same old way.

  37. 37
    Bob says:

    Olympic bag-search team accompanies skint foreigner off the premises

  38. 38
    Regimental Sergeant Major Kunt says:

    Where the fuck do you think you’re goin’ you ‘orrible little French President you.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Ah! Monika says:

    No Medals?

    Well have you got any French Letters after your name?

  41. 41
    Nullbymouth says:

    On the set of the new Austin Powers movie everyone searches for the real Dr Evil

  42. 42
    Merde says:

    BREAKING NEWS: exclusive images of the Coldstream guards “Frog marching!”

  43. 43

    Awarded to the Guards Division for services rendered during the Battle of Waterloo

  44. 44
    Nullbymouth says:

    First person to be caught eating non endorsed French fries at the Olympics

  45. 45
    erm... says:

    no need for head and shoulders…..one is bald and the rest are not bald enough.

  46. 46
    Stepney says:

    “And finally, Sergeant Chivers, he IS the First Battalion Royal Fusilier. We dropped the s, there didn’t seem to be any point”.

  47. 47
    Maggies Pearl Necklace says:

    Left Left left left left……………….

  48. 48
    Reader says:

    “Latest French surrender caught on camera”

  49. 49
    David says:

    The Prime Minister asked for me personally sir.

  50. 50
    Maggies Pearl Necklace says:


  51. 51
    k says:

    See Msr President De La Republique , this is what soldiers look like from the front

  52. 52

    highly recommended

  53. 53

    Definitely one for the short list.

  54. 54
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Humpty Dumpty has been put back together again.

  55. 55
    Ah! Monika says:

    Pssst. You don’t have to ‘slow-march’

  56. 56
    DR says:

    These cobbles remind you of the Place de La Concorde, sir? Will you be re-introducing the guillotine?

  57. 57
    Realist says:

    “Now I know how Sarkozy felt walking next to Carla”

  58. 58
    Ah! Monika says:

    “You’re going to have to left turn, but that shouldn’t be a problem.”

  59. 59
    I Squiggle says:

    I’m walking backwards for Chreeesstmaaasss…

  60. 60
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    How to win over the middle ground – french style :-)

  61. 61
    P45 says:

    These G4S security guards look very smart.

  62. 62
    Ah! Monika says:

    Frogs’ legs are getting shorter.

  63. 63
    cynic says:

    “left turn? You ‘orrible little man”

  64. 64
    cynic says:

    Care in the Community EU Edition

  65. 65
    doolally Delaney says:

    A Coldstream is the natural habitat of the frog.

  66. 66
    Ah! Monika says:

    “All this effort and no prize. What am I doing here? “

  67. 67
    cynic says:

    “Zo, can you promise that you can stop my Ex Mistress getting to me while I am ‘ere”

  68. 68
    Frank's son says:

    oh la la I feel like an extra in the land of the giants..

  69. 69
    Captain Rees Howell Gronow, Foot Guards says:

    And quite right too the British Infantry Square saw off the garlic licking French Cavalry. If only it was as possible to get rid of them now

  70. 70
    annette curton says:

    Ha, they think I am impressed but the rosbifs no nothing about cheese making.

  71. 71
    cynic says:

    “I fart in your general direction”

  72. 72
    Mike says:

    “so this is what Monsieur Cameron mean’t by the big society”

  73. 73
    58 says:


  74. 74
    cynic says:

    Odd Numbers ………. P45s at the ready ……….wait for it ……….. fired.

  75. 75
    cynic says:

    How can anyone respect a foreign leader named after a Camembert?

  76. 76
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Highly decorated Guards officer: “Our tunics are red sir, to hide the blood.”

    François Hollande: “Mmmm, so why is our French uniform brown?”

  77. 77
    Timmy Tour says:

    Introducing Mr L’Apres Midi

    The French PM

  78. 78

    Now we know why Hollande is also known as the low c*ntries.

  79. 79
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Didn’t you used to be six-foot five and have a big nose?”

  80. 80
    Gonk says:

    “That’s the army done sir, now if you follow me to the Serpentine we can do the navy before lunch.”

  81. 81
    Merde says:

    Stinking, slimy frog removed from London fountain!

  82. 82
    President Hollandaise says:

    Zut Alor, c’est moi – ze saucy lettle boy from la belle France – President Hollandaise of ze Republique!

    Like Sarko, Robespierre and ze Emperor Napoleon imselfz, I am a lettle short in the departements!

    Voila! sacre bleu etc etc

    Zo, Monsieur le David Macaroon, ze Minister of Prime has asked zeese chocolat soldiers to protect ze perfidious Brits during ze Olympics.

    Pah! Wiz ze types you ave handling ze security it’s more like your own Foreign Legion!!

    Au revoir, suckers!

  83. 83
    Q says:

    The latest intake of G4S interns, escorts man from stadium for eating French fries

  84. 84
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    François Hollande: “Have you seen our French Army knives? No scissors or tweezers, just six corkscrews and a white flag.”

  85. 85
    Mike says:

    ‘you can keep your bearskins… we french prefer our heads to look like foreskins!’

  86. 86
    President Hollandaise says:

    Hello ze Brits, even your soldiers are Reds!

  87. 87
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    The Dutch are now the world’s tallest, as hollandais proudly strides through the midget guardsman

  88. 88
    Coldstream Guardsman. says:

    And now we will escort you to Waterloo station monsieur President.

  89. 89

    Not an entry but have you noticed that second guard from the camera on the right? If that is not taking the piss out of Le Président, I don’t know what is.

    In fact, he could piss on Le Président’s head without pointing upwards.

  90. 90
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “We CAN provide you a blindfold and cigarette– that’s not just in films, you know…”

  91. 91
    a non says:

    Not now Nato.

  92. 92
    Jimmy says:

    Thanks to the goverment’s exciting new austerity programme it is now possible for visiting heads of state to review the entire army.

  93. 93
    a non says:

    Bearskins and minkey nuts.

  94. 94
    Moley says:

    Sarkozy’s plan to reduce the size of the French State succeeds beyond all expectations.

  95. 95
    All dwarves together. says:

    Is that anywhere near the eyeful tower?

  96. 96

    And now, a taller president inspects the guards.

  97. 97
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    OK Buster, why do the French army have brown trousers, eh?

  98. 98
    annette curton says:

    ***Breaking News***
    Shrinking Euro, its official!.

  99. 99
    Eddie says:

    Stand up man!

  100. 100
    Baron Hogwash says:

    The president goes from strength to strength.

  101. 101

    N’avez-vous jamais ce sentiment diminue Monsieur le Président? (Do you ever get that shrinking feeling Mr President?)

  102. 102
    dickiebo says:

    Thees is just a warnin’!

  103. 103
    Mike says:

    ‘I am not intimidated at all… it’s not the size of the troops that count- it’s how many you’ve got’

  104. 104
    Noggin the Nog says:

    Hollande to Guard: Yes, yes, very impressive, but where are the white flags?

  105. 105
    Steve Miliband says:

    Britain welcomes first French Tax exile

  106. 106
    wankre says:

    I know it looks nice out today Sergeant, but do you have to keep it out.

  107. 107
    Nullbymouth says:

    Yes, right by the La Rive Gaucho

  108. 108
    annette curton says:

    But time for a swift one in the Lord Nelson now that you’ve seen Trafalgar House.

  109. 109
    Arthur Hyanes (Comedian) says:

    It turns out they are feeding the brave British Forces men and women from the contractor burger vans when on duty on the Olympic Park after the G4S fiasco. Kick some arse for them Mr Fawkes.

    AH (C)

  110. 110
    Nullbymouth says:

    But looking on the bright side at least they have a uniform & equipment each.

  111. 111

    Monsieur Le Présirunt.

  112. 112
    obangobang says:

    Soldiers play with toy president

  113. 113

    What is he holding in his right hand?

  114. 114
    Sniper says:

    You might be thinking of the Booties:


  115. 115
    Gordon Brown says:

    I would very much like my trousers back, then I may once again visit the HoC

  116. 116
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    somebody might have mentioned its friday the bloody 13th, under the duvet and mutter thanks to Gwyn ap Nudd and burn sacred herbs

  117. 117
    Hugh Hendry says:

    So this why the French want to ban Short selling.

  118. 118
    Reader says:

    “Latest rejected intern is ushered out of the Guy News Room”

  119. 119
    Gelert says:

    Coldsteam Geauds Officer: “One of our prized possessions is a French battle flag”

    M President: “What’s that?”

    Officer: “A white cross on a white background”

  120. 120
    Gelert says:

    Coldsteam Guards Officer: “One of our prized possessions is a French battle flag”

    M President: “What’s that?”

    Officer: “A white cross on a white background”

  121. 121
  122. 122
    Frankie Hollande says:

    Both Sarkozy and myself were shortlisted.

  123. 123
  124. 124
    annette curton says:

    It’s just a silver spoon he’s palmed from one her majesties cutlery sets.

  125. 125

    Still got some pink blancmange on it then?

  126. 126
    daveyone1 says:

    Sorry Sir. we will have to ask you to leave, the Beech Vollyball is not here for a couple of weeks!

  127. 127

    The English Channel is a mere ditch.

  128. 128
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Hollandaise out shopping for the new EU army, dave promised a two for one

  129. 129
    illogical says:

    Toad in the whole.

  130. 130
    What a Plonker. says:

    Lets play toy presidents.

  131. 131
    Jean-Pierre says:

  132. 132
    a non says:

    Today’s Grimm photo caption- The frog prints

  133. 133
    Widescreen2010 says:

    ‘How many troops are required to defend Paris?’
    ‘I don’t know: it ‘as never been tried.’

  134. 134
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am going metric

  135. 135
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    ‘We had that Mrs Sarkozy here last year. In fact we all had her.’

  136. 136
    Legal Crook says:

    Terry innocent: CPS should be sacked!!

  137. 137
    Ebay says:

    For sale French army rifle.

    VGC only been dropped once

  138. 138
    The Catering Corps says:

    As well as being one of the main components of Eggs Benedict, Hollandaise sauce, is also typically served with steamed asparagus or other vegetables and steamed or grilled fish.

    The sauce is a warm and rich yellow in colour and boasts a thick and smooth texture. The end result should be a delicious combination of butter and egg yolks with a tangy twist of lemon and a touch of spice.

    Although the sauce has few ingredients, it does have a reputation of being very difficult to make. We generally prefer ketchup.

  139. 139
    Sticky Vicky says:

    I fully expect Huhne to be still driving this time next year

  140. 140
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a leettel Bullsheeter myself, but, I do like to ‘ear a giant professional at it. So please carry on Sergeant Major!!’

  141. 141
    Susie says:


  142. 142
  143. 143
  144. 144
    Anonymous says:

    Get Shortie

  145. 145
    anonnymouse says:

    and, of course, he looks up to Her Majesty

  146. 146
    Business Cat (Specializing in yarns, Cdn owned & op) says:

    Amazing isn’t it (I’m a female cat, he look pretty blah to me).

  147. 147
    Culmination Of undreds of Years of Antipathy says:

    French President working through a little plan in his mind, as he reviews the entire British Army in under 4 minutes.

  148. 148
    No names no pack drill says:

    I once had lunch with the Head of the Catering Corps.

    We had asparagus and melted butter,. ( fish knife to slant the plate )

    At the end of the performance he looked at our plates and then his.

    We had the woody stems circling our plates, he had neatly arranged his tips likewise.

    I’m sure I was the more embarrassed.

  149. 149
    No names no pack drill says:

    NB….. not spice, reduced vinegar and peppercorns

  150. 150
    Ian E says:

    Ah, so that is what a frog-march looks like.

  151. 151
    Monsieur le Président says:

    Mon Dieu Sarge, your stripes are bigger than my entire head!

  152. 152
    Harry Krishna says:

    He was sorry he was late, he was cleaning the budgie cage out and someone closed the cage door

  153. 153
    Pox News 24/7 says:

    Prince Phillip in one of his multi choice multi medal regimental uniforms escorts a frog orf his land.

  154. 154
    The Golem says:

    Too likely to be amusing, but very good.

  155. 155
    SaltPetre says:

    Non! I am not Napoleon Bone-a-tart ! You are confusing me with the Italian.

  156. 156

    Un leader est un revendeur dans l’espoir Napoleon

  157. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Short Euro/Long Sterling

  158. 158
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Highly decorated Guards officer: “No sir, there are no trees. Had the Germans invaded, we didn’t see the need to keep the sun off the enemy.”

  159. 159
    Boney Part says:

    French medals are worn on the back because they are awarded for particularly rapid retreats.

  160. 160
    Hard Trench says:

    + 1

    And we’ll take some stale bread along to feed the air fore while we’re there.

  161. 161
    French Frank says:

    We French love the bare skins – do you want to see my pictures of Segolene?

  162. 162
    GeeForEss says:

    Hand Hafter You Ave Taken A Good Look Hat The Civvy, You Hask Im Po-light-lee To Hopen Is Bag Hand You Ave Hay Good Look In It For Hanything Dangerous …. Wait For It, You Airy Little Specimen Hat The Right Hend Hov The Second Rank …. Haaaaaaask!

  163. 163
    Col Nut says:

    “Was this the one who nicked your watch sir, M. Flanby?”

  164. 164
    M says:

    No , these 2 lines are all our full timers

  165. 165
    Perry says:

    Should have eaten my porridge

  166. 166
    Sylvio says:

    M Hollande:

    Evair zince zee victoire gloriouse for French armes at Vaterloo I ‘ave always ‘ed a spot of softness for your Guards

  167. 167

    Why has the first soldier on the left got odd sized feet ?

  168. 168
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , Ce……………………………………………………..

  169. 169
    Francois Nutterand says:

    A slight misunderstanding over the translation of ‘bearskin on the head’.

  170. 170
    Anonymous says:

    “you can have these if you let us use the aircraft carrier on Wednesday”

  171. 171
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The Full British military turn out to welcome Hollande

  172. 172
    The Anglo Saxon says:

    Foreskin V Bearskin

  173. 173
    Cressida's Dick says:

    ‘ No sir, the only German who ever invaded our country lives in the big house behind us ‘.

  174. 174
    Pentangelis says:

    This frog is a bit short on legs!

  175. 175
    Blowing Whistles says:

    et maintenant en Englaise

    Hello ! Here is your P45

  176. 176
    robbie says:

    Are you sure these are all the troops you need before you meet Frau Merkel again?

  177. 177
    Laughing Out Loud says:

    Living proof of the diminished international stature of the French.

    No, two Gallic dwarfs in succession do not add up to De Gaulle.

  178. 178
    evad666 says:

    Sir, These are the lads who will be guarding Mcdonalds in the Olympic Village.

  179. 179
    Hillywilly says:


  180. 180
    Hillywilly says:

    “Anglaise” non?

  181. 181
    verticalwater says:

    The president’s attempt to use shaving cream to make him look taller, has failed.

  182. 182
    BarryW says:

    Tale of two heads,
    Bear skin meets Bare skin

  183. 183
    Bondini says:

    “Merde! Mon PR department est friggin’ histoire, come Lundi”

  184. 184
    Anonymous says:

    Here we go again. Caption contest appears Friday. Never heard of again. (Unless the winners are announced in a secret thread I don’t know about). Piss poor.

  185. 185
    Hislop fan says:

    Does Guido read the Private Eye?

  186. 186
    GlobalGaz says:

    After his movie career, Frodo decided a suit was more becoming.

    (No digital enhancement reqd).

  187. 187
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Excuse moi! Je suis desole.

  188. 188
    Marion the cat says:

    or did you mean oui ?

  189. 189
    Marion the cat says:

    Male cat, ditto

  190. 190
    evad666 says:

    Hollande reviews ne G4S personnel.

  191. 191
    Sir Winston Churchill says:

    He’s about the same size as me, actually.

  192. 192
    president of iran mahmoud ahmadinejad says:

    How come the French manage to find such tall leaders-first the human beanpole Sarko and now the positively Robert Wadlow-esque Monsieur Hollande.

    I’m 5’2″

  193. 193
    Dr S. Freud says:


    Trying to overcompensate with all of those big, tall missiles.

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