July 13th, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (Egg and Soldiers Edition)


193 Comments

  1. 1
    Nullbymouth says:

    Mon Dieu!

    Your hair it is like my mistresses armpits

    Like

    • 45
      erm... says:

      no need for head and shoulders…..one is bald and the rest are not bald enough.

      Like

    • 50
      Maggies Pearl Necklace says:

      ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Like

      • 82
        President Hollandaise says:

        Zut Alor, c’est moi – ze saucy lettle boy from la belle France – President Hollandaise of ze Republique!

        Like Sarko, Robespierre and ze Emperor Napoleon imselfz, I am a lettle short in the departements!

        Voila! sacre bleu etc etc

        Zo, Monsieur le David Macaroon, ze Minister of Prime has asked zeese chocolat soldiers to protect ze perfidious Brits during ze Olympics.

        Pah! Wiz ze types you ave handling ze security it’s more like your own Foreign Legion!!

        Au revoir, suckers!

        Like

  2. 2
    Reader says:

    “Short it out”

    Like

  3. 3
    Sniper says:

    Gunner “Lofty” Sugden in demob suit leaves barracks.

    Like

  4. 4
    Reader says:

    “What Neo-Guido would look like if he brushed his hair”

    Sorry Neo :)

    Like

  5. 5
    A Guardsman says:

    !! FIRE!!!

    Like

  6. 6
    Dave Bruce says:

    Shut it shorty

    Like

  7. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    Napolean Complex!

    Like

  8. 8
    Nullbymouth says:

    I still want more proof

    Like

  9. 9
    Merde says:

    Guardsman disciplined for having an offensive person on his weapon!

    Like

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    I cant believe he has 2 women fighting over him !

    Like

  11. 11
    Steve Miliband says:

    Do Bears shit in their hats?

    Like

  12. 12
    Reader says:

    “New clone model selected so that troops conform to the new French equality bill”

    Like

  13. 13
    Nullbymouth says:

    Looks like an early 10 bottle lunch !!!!!

    http://cat.order-order.com.meowbify.com/

    Like

  14. 14
    SouthEastVoter says:

    is that napoleon?

    Like

  15. 15
    Reader says:

    “Latest victim of French eugenics policy identified”

    Like

  16. 16
    Sizzla says:

    Un petit peu

    Like

  17. 17

    Theresa May has solved the problem with deportation of foreign criminals.

    Like

  18. 18
    Pundit Too says:

    French pocket sized Socialist President Hollande lost his way in trying to visit the queen and is escorted out.

    Like

  19. 19
    Steve Miliband says:

    G4S try out new recruits for VIP (and President Hollande)

    Like

  20. 20
    200 Dead Syrians says:

    BBC reports that we are allegedly dead.

    Like

  21. 21
    Selohesra says:

    All the soldiers ” Waterloo, waterloo da-di-di dee di-dee-da-de-da etc”

    Like

  22. 22
    Legal Crook says:

    Spitting image puppets get very life like.

    Like

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    Has he any idea that the headwear is ex Frech Imperial Guard kit – won by the English from the French, during one of our many inter country scraps?

    Like

    • 43

      Awarded to the Guards Division for services rendered during the Battle of Waterloo

      Like

      • 69
        Captain Rees Howell Gronow, Foot Guards says:

        And quite right too the British Infantry Square saw off the garlic licking French Cavalry. If only it was as possible to get rid of them now

        Like

  24. 24
    annette cosy says:

    French General tries to compete with a white knitted tea-cosy tipped at a jaunty angle.

    Like

  25. 25
    Reader says:

    “After offending Kate Middleton, The French President is sent to the Tower!”

    Like

  26. 26
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Union Flag in Whitehall Scandal”

    Like

  27. 27
    Mike says:

    So this is how Sarkozy feels everyday!

    Like

  28. 28
    mar45 says:

    The long & short of it is – Britain beats Hollande by a head (and shoulders)

    Like

  29. 29
    TC says:

    So what if we eat horses? You put bears on your head.

    Like

  30. 30
    Reader says:

    Hollende “Can you lend me a tenner, i am a bit short this week?”

    Like

    • 192
      president of iran mahmoud ahmadinejad says:

      How come the French manage to find such tall leaders-first the human beanpole Sarko and now the positively Robert Wadlow-esque Monsieur Hollande.

      I’m 5’2″

      Like

  31. 31
    Sargent Major says:

    STRAIGHTEN THAT TIE!

    Like

  32. 31
    Steve Miliband says:

    Does my Burm look big in this?

    Like

  33. 33
    Janan Ganesh Superstar says:

    Left, right, left, right

    Like

  34. 34
    Sponge says:

    Would you like a box, Sir?

    Like

  35. 35
    Son of Rupert says:

    A woman is walking down the street and see’s a sign in the pet shop window reading, “FANNY LICKING FROG £25″ curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, “I’d like to see the fanny licking frog please.” To which the shop keeper replies, “Bonjour!”
    xxxxxxxxxx

    Like

  36. 36

    sacre bleu! i’ve been seen off in the same old way.

    Like

  37. 37
    Bob says:

    Olympic bag-search team accompanies skint foreigner off the premises

    Like

  38. 38
    Regimental Sergeant Major Kunt says:

    Where the fuck do you think you’re goin’ you ‘orrible little French President you.

    Like

  39. 40
    Ah! Monika says:

    No Medals?

    Well have you got any French Letters after your name?

    Like

    • 159
      Boney Part says:

      French medals are worn on the back because they are awarded for particularly rapid retreats.

      Like

  40. 41
    Nullbymouth says:

    On the set of the new Austin Powers movie everyone searches for the real Dr Evil

    Like

  41. 42
    Merde says:

    BREAKING NEWS: exclusive images of the Coldstream guards “Frog marching!”

    Like

  42. 44
    Nullbymouth says:

    First person to be caught eating non endorsed French fries at the Olympics

    Like

  43. 46
    Stepney says:

    “And finally, Sergeant Chivers, he IS the First Battalion Royal Fusilier. We dropped the s, there didn’t seem to be any point”.

    Like

  44. 47
    Reader says:

    “Latest French surrender caught on camera”

    Like

  45. 49
    David says:

    The Prime Minister asked for me personally sir.

    Like

  46. 51
    k says:

    See Msr President De La Republique , this is what soldiers look like from the front

    Like

  47. 54
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Humpty Dumpty has been put back together again.

    Like

  48. 55
    Ah! Monika says:

    Pssst. You don’t have to ‘slow-march’

    Like

  49. 56
    DR says:

    These cobbles remind you of the Place de La Concorde, sir? Will you be re-introducing the guillotine?

    Like

  50. 57
    Realist says:

    “Now I know how Sarkozy felt walking next to Carla”

    Like

  51. 58
    Ah! Monika says:

    “You’re going to have to left turn, but that shouldn’t be a problem.”

    Like

  52. 59
    I Squiggle says:

    I’m walking backwards for Chreeesstmaaasss…

    Like

  53. 60
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    How to win over the middle ground – french style :-)

    Like

  54. 61
    P45 says:

    These G4S security guards look very smart.

    Like

  55. 62
    Ah! Monika says:

    Frogs’ legs are getting shorter.

    Like

  56. 63
    cynic says:

    “left turn? You ‘orrible little man”

    Like

  57. 64
    cynic says:

    Care in the Community EU Edition

    Like

  58. 65
    doolally Delaney says:

    A Coldstream is the natural habitat of the frog.

    Like

  59. 66
    Ah! Monika says:

    “All this effort and no prize. What am I doing here? “

    Like

  60. 67
    cynic says:

    “Zo, can you promise that you can stop my Ex Mistress getting to me while I am ‘ere”

    Like

  61. 68
    Frank's son says:

    oh la la I feel like an extra in the land of the giants..

    Like

  62. 70
    annette curton says:

    Ha, they think I am impressed but the rosbifs no nothing about cheese making.

    Like

  63. 71
    cynic says:

    “I fart in your general direction”

    Like

  64. 72
    Mike says:

    “so this is what Monsieur Cameron mean’t by the big society”

    Like

  65. 74
    cynic says:

    Odd Numbers ………. P45s at the ready ……….wait for it ……….. fired.

    Like

  66. 75
    cynic says:

    How can anyone respect a foreign leader named after a Camembert?

    Like

  67. 76
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Highly decorated Guards officer: “Our tunics are red sir, to hide the blood.”

    François Hollande: “Mmmm, so why is our French uniform brown?”

    Like

  68. 77
    Timmy Tour says:

    Introducing Mr L’Apres Midi

    The French PM

    Like

  69. 78

    Now we know why Hollande is also known as the low c*ntries.

    Like

  70. 78
    Ah! Monika says:

    “Didn’t you used to be six-foot five and have a big nose?”

    Like

  71. 80
    Gonk says:

    “That’s the army done sir, now if you follow me to the Serpentine we can do the navy before lunch.”

    Like

    • 160
      Hard Trench says:

      + 1

      And we’ll take some stale bread along to feed the air fore while we’re there.

      Like

  72. 81
    Merde says:

    Stinking, slimy frog removed from London fountain!

    Like

  73. 83
    Q says:

    The latest intake of G4S interns, escorts man from stadium for eating French fries

    Like

  74. 84
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    François Hollande: “Have you seen our French Army knives? No scissors or tweezers, just six corkscrews and a white flag.”

    Like

  75. 85
    Mike says:

    ‘you can keep your bearskins… we french prefer our heads to look like foreskins!’

    Like

  76. 87
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    The Dutch are now the world’s tallest, as hollandais proudly strides through the midget guardsman

    Like

  77. 88
    Coldstream Guardsman. says:

    And now we will escort you to Waterloo station monsieur President.

    Like

    • 108
      annette curton says:

      But time for a swift one in the Lord Nelson now that you’ve seen Trafalgar House.

      Like

  78. 89

    Not an entry but have you noticed that second guard from the camera on the right? If that is not taking the piss out of Le Président, I don’t know what is.

    In fact, he could piss on Le Président’s head without pointing upwards.

    Like

  79. 90
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    “We CAN provide you a blindfold and cigarette– that’s not just in films, you know…”

    Like

  80. 91
    a non says:

    Not now Nato.

    Like

  81. 92
    Jimmy says:

    Thanks to the goverment’s exciting new austerity programme it is now possible for visiting heads of state to review the entire army.

    Like

  82. 93
    a non says:

    Bearskins and minkey nuts.

    Like

  83. 94
    Moley says:

    Sarkozy’s plan to reduce the size of the French State succeeds beyond all expectations.

    Like

  84. 96

    And now, a taller president inspects the guards.

    Like

  85. 98
    annette curton says:

    ***Breaking News***
    Shrinking Euro, its official!.

    Like

  86. 99
    Eddie says:

    Stand up man!

    Like

  87. 100
    Baron Hogwash says:

    The president goes from strength to strength.

    Like

  88. 101

    N’avez-vous jamais ce sentiment diminue Monsieur le Président? (Do you ever get that shrinking feeling Mr President?)

    Like

  89. 102
    dickiebo says:

    Thees is just a warnin’!

    Like

  90. 103
    Mike says:

    ‘I am not intimidated at all… it’s not the size of the troops that count- it’s how many you’ve got’

    Like

  91. 105
    Steve Miliband says:

    Britain welcomes first French Tax exile

    Like

  92. 106
    wankre says:

    I know it looks nice out today Sergeant, but do you have to keep it out.

    Like

  93. 109
    Arthur Hyanes (Comedian) says:

    It turns out they are feeding the brave British Forces men and women from the contractor burger vans when on duty on the Olympic Park after the G4S fiasco. Kick some arse for them Mr Fawkes.

    AH (C)

    Like

  94. 111

    Monsieur Le Présirunt.

    Like

  95. 112
    obangobang says:

    Soldiers play with toy president

    Like

  96. 113

    What is he holding in his right hand?

    Like

  97. 116
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    somebody might have mentioned its friday the bloody 13th, under the duvet and mutter thanks to Gwyn ap Nudd and burn sacred herbs

    Like

  98. 117
    Hugh Hendry says:

    So this why the French want to ban Short selling.

    Like

  99. 118
    Reader says:

    “Latest rejected intern is ushered out of the Guy News Room”

    Like

  100. 119
    Gelert says:

    Coldsteam Geauds Officer: “One of our prized possessions is a French battle flag”

    M President: “What’s that?”

    Officer: “A white cross on a white background”

    Like

  101. 120
    Gelert says:

    Coldsteam Guards Officer: “One of our prized possessions is a French battle flag”

    M President: “What’s that?”

    Officer: “A white cross on a white background”

    Like

  102. 122
    Frankie Hollande says:

    Both Sarkozy and myself were shortlisted.

    Like

  103. 126
    daveyone1 says:

    Sorry Sir. we will have to ask you to leave, the Beech Vollyball is not here for a couple of weeks!

    Like

  104. 127

    The English Channel is a mere ditch.

    Like

  105. 128
    Owain Glyndwr says:

    Hollandaise out shopping for the new EU army, dave promised a two for one

    Like

  106. 129
    illogical says:

    Toad in the whole.

    Like

  107. 130
    What a Plonker. says:

    Lets play toy presidents.

    Like

  108. 131
    Jean-Pierre says:

    Like

  109. 132
    a non says:

    Today’s Grimm photo caption- The frog prints

    Like

  110. 133
    Widescreen2010 says:

    ‘How many troops are required to defend Paris?’
    ‘I don’t know: it ‘as never been tried.’

    Like

  111. 134
    Gordon Brown says:

    I am going metric

    Like

  112. 135
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    ‘We had that Mrs Sarkozy here last year. In fact we all had her.’

    Like

  113. 136
    Legal Crook says:

    Terry innocent: CPS should be sacked!!

    Like

  114. 137
    Ebay says:

    For sale French army rifle.

    VGC only been dropped once

    Like

  115. 138
    The Catering Corps says:

    As well as being one of the main components of Eggs Benedict, Hollandaise sauce, is also typically served with steamed asparagus or other vegetables and steamed or grilled fish.

    The sauce is a warm and rich yellow in colour and boasts a thick and smooth texture. The end result should be a delicious combination of butter and egg yolks with a tangy twist of lemon and a touch of spice.

    Although the sauce has few ingredients, it does have a reputation of being very difficult to make. We generally prefer ketchup.

    Like

    • 148
      No names no pack drill says:

      I once had lunch with the Head of the Catering Corps.

      We had asparagus and melted butter,. ( fish knife to slant the plate )

      At the end of the performance he looked at our plates and then his.

      We had the woody stems circling our plates, he had neatly arranged his tips likewise.

      I’m sure I was the more embarrassed.

      Like

    • 149
      No names no pack drill says:

      NB….. not spice, reduced vinegar and peppercorns

      Like

  116. 140
    keredybretsa says:

    ‘I am a leettel Bullsheeter myself, but, I do like to ‘ear a giant professional at it. So please carry on Sergeant Major!!’

    Like

  117. 144
    Anonymous says:

    Get Shortie

    Like

  118. 145
    anonnymouse says:

    and, of course, he looks up to Her Majesty

    Like

  119. 147
    Culmination Of undreds of Years of Antipathy says:

    French President working through a little plan in his mind, as he reviews the entire British Army in under 4 minutes.

    Like

  120. 150
    Ian E says:

    Ah, so that is what a frog-march looks like.

    Like

  121. 151
    Monsieur le Président says:

    Mon Dieu Sarge, your stripes are bigger than my entire head!

    Like

  122. 152
    Harry Krishna says:

    He was sorry he was late, he was cleaning the budgie cage out and someone closed the cage door

    Like

  123. 153
    Pox News 24/7 says:

    Prince Phillip in one of his multi choice multi medal regimental uniforms escorts a frog orf his land.

    Like

  124. 155
    SaltPetre says:

    Non! I am not Napoleon Bone-a-tart ! You are confusing me with the Italian.

    Like

  125. 157
    Anonymous says:

    Short Euro/Long Sterling

    Like

  126. 158
    Keith Dovkunts says:

    Highly decorated Guards officer: “No sir, there are no trees. Had the Germans invaded, we didn’t see the need to keep the sun off the enemy.”

    Like

  127. 161
    French Frank says:

    We French love the bare skins – do you want to see my pictures of Segolene?

    Like

  128. 162
    GeeForEss says:

    Hand Hafter You Ave Taken A Good Look Hat The Civvy, You Hask Im Po-light-lee To Hopen Is Bag Hand You Ave Hay Good Look In It For Hanything Dangerous …. Wait For It, You Airy Little Specimen Hat The Right Hend Hov The Second Rank …. Haaaaaaask!

    Like

  129. 163
    Col Nut says:

    “Was this the one who nicked your watch sir, M. Flanby?”

    Like

  130. 164
    M says:

    No , these 2 lines are all our full timers

    Like

  131. 165
    Perry says:

    Should have eaten my porridge

    Like

  132. 166
    Sylvio says:

    M Hollande:

    Evair zince zee victoire gloriouse for French armes at Vaterloo I ‘ave always ‘ed a spot of softness for your Guards

    Like

  133. 167
    POLITICIANS ARE SCUM says:

    Why has the first soldier on the left got odd sized feet ?

    Like

  134. 168
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , C’est votre P quarante cinq
    Bonjour ! Ici , Ce……………………………………………………..

    Like

  135. 169
    Francois Nutterand says:

    A slight misunderstanding over the translation of ‘bearskin on the head’.

    Like

  136. 170
    Anonymous says:

    “you can have these if you let us use the aircraft carrier on Wednesday”

    Like

  137. 171
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The Full British military turn out to welcome Hollande

    Like

  138. 172
    The Anglo Saxon says:

    Foreskin V Bearskin

    Like

  139. 173
    Cressida's Dick says:

    ‘ No sir, the only German who ever invaded our country lives in the big house behind us ‘.

    Like

  140. 174
    Pentangelis says:

    This frog is a bit short on legs!

    Like

  141. 176
    robbie says:

    Are you sure these are all the troops you need before you meet Frau Merkel again?

    Like

  142. 177
    Laughing Out Loud says:

    Living proof of the diminished international stature of the French.

    No, two Gallic dwarfs in succession do not add up to De Gaulle.

    Like

  143. 178
    evad666 says:

    Sir, These are the lads who will be guarding Mcdonalds in the Olympic Village.

    Like

  144. 181
    verticalwater says:

    The president’s attempt to use shaving cream to make him look taller, has failed.

    Like

  145. 182
    BarryW says:

    Tale of two heads,
    Bear skin meets Bare skin

    Like

  146. 183
    Bondini says:

    “Merde! Mon PR department est friggin’ histoire, come Lundi”

    Like

  147. 184
    Anonymous says:

    Here we go again. Caption contest appears Friday. Never heard of again. (Unless the winners are announced in a secret thread I don’t know about). Piss poor.

    Like

  148. 185
    Hislop fan says:

    Does Guido read the Private Eye?

    Like

  149. 186
    GlobalGaz says:

    After his movie career, Frodo decided a suit was more becoming.

    (No digital enhancement reqd).

    Like

  150. 190
    evad666 says:

    Hollande reviews ne G4S personnel.

    Like


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Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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