Handy Lunchtime VAT Chart
From this morning’s City AM…
Sally Bercow Judgement in Full | Mr Justice Tugendhat
Commies Blame Capitalism For Terror Attack | The Commentator
Lord Black v Press Regulation | Guardian
Osborne’s Complacency | FT
DWP’s Welfare Failings | Isabel Hardman
Get Used to Coalitions | David Aaronovitch
Woolwich a Showcase in the Banality of Evil | Fraser Nelson
The Enemy Within | Max Hastings
Muslim Led Military-Style Free School Needed | Toby Young
How ITV Crashed Out Online Last Night | MediaGuido
Green Leader Blames Terror Attacks on Britain | Asa Bennett
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Ed Balls stretches credulity by claiming he isn’t ambitious…
“I would love to be part of Ed’s Labour government but what I do next for me is not an all-consuming passion. I’m more bothered, in a personal sense, about getting to grade 8 piano by the time I’m 50.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Tax is so confusing!!!
What if you are a fat Pickles and require pasty chips salad?
Tax doesn’t have to be taxing.
Obviously It is. But it doesn’t have to be.
OT
Dave and Zero’s “Kinetic Military Action” (don’t call it a war!)
http://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/3083/egypt-christians-convert-pay-tribute-leave
“They need to know that conquest is coming, that Egypt will be Islamic, and that they must pay jizya or emigrate,” Morsi reportedly said.
According to the popular Egyptian website, El Bashayer, Muhammad Morsi, the Muslim Brotherhood presidential candidate, just declared that he will “achieve the Islamic conquest (fath) of Egypt for the second time, and make all Christians convert to Islam, or else pay the jizya,” the additional Islamic tax, or financial tribute, required of non-Muslims, or financial tribute.
Perhaps we could introduce simlar tax on those who profess to believe in the magic money tree
Having had a dry, sunny March followed by copious rainfall throughout April and much of May we are expecting a bumper crop of money this autumn.
Feel free to come on down and pick your own.
That is called “the national lottery”
My blood ran cold when I read the title of this blog, I immediately thought how do they know what I was up to this lunchtime?. Boaz.
If VAT applies to all hot takeaway food, but not to a hot pasty, then a pasty is not food. Which is much as I had suspected all along.
Stupid. Cameroon shouldn’t have u-turned on this.
And the pressure from Ed Balls should have been referred to the Parliamentary Standards Commissioners as he clearly had a conflict of interest in seeing pies and pasties remain VAT free.
This can be evidenced by his frequent trips to Greggs and his 44 inch waist
Taxed on your earnings, savings and spending……Still someone has to pay for the workshy I suppose….
I suppose not.
I’m having a hot baked potato for lunch at home. How much VAT do I have to pay and to who?
Fill out the 6 page form that is available from the YouGov website and email to HMRC
Do not consume any produce until your VAT status has been assessed.
You should receive a reply within 6 to 8 weeks.
I think I’ll have a pint instead. Do you serve hot beer, landlord?
Sorry only free beer here mate.
And pies says Gordon ‘Scratch ‘ Mc Scotum
Why were all the staff standing on a desk?
They have a newsroom?
I thought they just copied out the emails that come from Unison.
Soon to be Shell suited staff
We will be advertising soon for hundreds of new pasty inspectors at a massive cost to the tax payer, who will be expertly trained with no expense spared to spot a pie warmer and/or heat lamp. We will be making spot visits to shops and will prosecute anyone warming a none VAT liable product.
We cant have tax evaders, we have to protect our revenue.
Yes, tax those bastards!
I want to retire at 50 and live like a king on my gold-plated public sector pension.
What’s the VAT status of offering a girlfriend a “meat and two veg” for lunch?
Same rate as a fish supper
Depends if there’s a creampie for dessert.
If its for entertainment it could affect your P11D though (benefit in kind)
And you cannot offset entertainment against your tax either
Unless you are a lobbyist of course
I offered the wife ‘meat and two veg’ the other night. But it looked that good I ate it myself.
Why don’t you just suck off, and just consider the gravy.
Ah!! Bisto
There will soon be a recruitment drive for pasty police. They will have the task of patrolling all food shops and deciding if offered pasties are hot or cold and therefore their VAT status.
Their terms and conditions of employment will emerge from Brussels, as their human rights will be affected should they get too fat, or develop high cholesterol in carrying out their onerous and dangerous duties.
Re U turns: I cannot understand why holiday caravans – sorry IM-mobile homes should NOT attract VAT at the standard rate. Unlike pasties, a holiday caravan at Walmington-on-Sea, or even worse, Jaywick, is not one of life’s essentials.
I will never buy a pasty again.
To whom it may concern :
You gonna tell me why Womb-Raider woz pulled , babes ??
Did ya get a phone call or somethin ??
Needs to know so I doesn’t make the same mistake next time .
Ta .
Maybe he shit it when he got a real BBC take down notice
Grow up, E.
You shat all over his less funny comment. Take a full refund if you disagree with the T&Cs.
Oh, OK.
On a practical note , SC : Is we still meetin up this eve at The Crown Tavern for a quick half-gallon , honey ???
Shhhh. I’ve told you not to call me that on here. Yes, the wife has her taekwondo class from 1800 until 2000 so I should have time to
drown my sorrowsdown a few with you.*whispers* OK. Eight o’clock sharp then. Bit late for thai quon doe , ain’t it ?? Shhh.
Miss Quon Doe seems to be very popular lately. Any of you boys know if she still as demanding? Think I just might have to err….. pay her a visit – would that be VAT deductible Chancellor?
HMRC currently recruiting Hot Food Inspectors, £26k per annum with London weighting.
http://www.hmrc.goc.uk/recruitment/foodinsp.htm
F’ckwits, the lot of them.
Must be capable of compiling Pie Charts.
“And what do you do for a living?”
“I’m a pastie inspector”
More like a bunch of Nazis
Give over they will spend thousands on fucking focus groups to come up with some none job name first.
This could help reduce the unemployment figures amongst certain minority groups. Shirt lifter pastie types with a GCSE in maths. But they will need the slim ones; the fat ones would be scoffing more than hot pies! OOOHH I’d love a job like that. This is why we really need a least two or three focus groups to sort this mess out.
Doesn’t salad also get taxed if it is in some way a restaurant?
All eat in food is VAT liable if the establishment is VAT registered
Ha, if it’s this complicated for a lunchtime snack, imagine what it’s like for a business trying to work out all the rules on leases, employee NI, dividends and hiring contractors.
The Treasury needs to get a grip.
The Treasury needs a good dose of salts to bring on a giant clear out.
Did someone call for me?
They’ve forgotten about “what to do if you fancy a cold, cellophane wrapped pasty from tesco.” Admittedly not a realistic option.
None of that is VAT liable or indeed any TAX liable, as that all goes offshore
I might do that. My local shop has a photocopier that gets rather hot, so I shall buy cold pasties and photocopy them.
So that’s what is meant by copy and pastie!
We will soon be launching a VAT/Lunch automated free phone number (premium rate) to assist consumers.
However at this time we are awaiting the launch of BT’s new phone with more numbers than 0-9 as this does not provide enough options for our system.
Thank you for your patience, and in the meantime can we suggest you skip lunch as there is an obesity crisis anyway.
Don’t you mean government funded and sponsored, obesity crisis?
The fu**ing accountants will be loving this!!!
I love Angelina Jolie. My favourite film of hers is Lara Crotch: Poon Raider.
Seen it but not as good as Shaving Ryans Privates
Clitty Clitty Gang Bang is far better
Schindler’s Fist, anyone?
He makes a joke about a jerry can at 8.10.
Where do we stand on curry pasties?
hot hot
cold hot
As anything curried is for the multicultural enrichers it will of course not be liable but only if Halal
I’m planning only ten thousand more u-turns.
Sorry make that 5000
Sorry to be serious. But if he did any bloody planning, he wouldnt do the u-turns.
ie: THINK about what you actually want to do and whether its practical. Work out the flak you’ll get and whether you are prepared to take it on the chin. Work out whether similar but less flakworthy plans would be ok.
and work out how to sell it to the public. think of how the opposition/bbc will react and get retaliation in first.
Saw this on the way to work this morning, went for the Tesco meal deal.
Actually, they’ve just closed a loophole. Someone, I think probably Greggs but not sure, argued in court that keeping cooked food warm in a hot plate was a health and safety issue, not a takeaway issue – which is clearly utter bollocks. They’re kept in a hot cabinet so that people can buy them to eat hot as takeaway food (it’s not just pasties; it’s sausage rolls, bacon and cheese turnovers, pies, etc). Court found for Greggs or whoever, and convenience stores up and down the land suddenly got a much bigger margin on cabinet takeaway food – nobody I know reduced their prices (convenience store owner here).
This is completely different to rotisserie chicken, cooked, wrapped and put on a deli counter – because people buy those to take them home for their tea. Not to sit in the park in lunch hour and get filthy trying to eat the greasy things with their fingers.
Not that I’m in favour of VAT – or its hopeless overcomplications, since I fall victim to many of them – but even as a loser in this, I can see the reporting is ludicrous and a loophole has actually been closed.
Fucking ridiculous, typical U-turn Dave bowing to BBC/Guardian/Labour pressure, not a supporter of taxing but if you are make it simple and straight foreword.
Wasn’t this the whole point of the changes in VAT, that they have been trying to get rid of these anomalies for many years. Perhaps someone should try and get Labour to promise to remove VAT from all these food products if they object to one type of food being subject to VAT.