May 30th, 2012

Handy Lunchtime VAT Chart


  1. 1
    Fact says:

    Tax is so confusing!!!

  2. 2
    Tachybaptus says:

    If VAT applies to all hot takeaway food, but not to a hot pasty, then a pasty is not food. Which is much as I had suspected all along.

  3. 3
    Tony Bliar didnt fool me says:

    Taxed on your earnings, savings and spending……Still someone has to pay for the workshy I suppose….

  4. 4
    AC1 says:

    I suppose not.

  5. 5
    UKIPMAN says:

    I’m having a hot baked potato for lunch at home. How much VAT do I have to pay and to who?

  6. 6
    Fuck That says:

    I think I’ll have a pint instead. Do you serve hot beer, landlord?

  7. 7
    Fish says:

    Stupid. Cameroon shouldn’t have u-turned on this.

    And the pressure from Ed Balls should have been referred to the Parliamentary Standards Commissioners as he clearly had a conflict of interest in seeing pies and pasties remain VAT free.

    This can be evidenced by his frequent trips to Greggs and his 44 inch waist

  8. 8
    All in it together says:

  9. 9
    Bilharzia says:

    What if you are a fat Pickles and require pasty chips salad?

  10. 10
    HMRC says:

    We will be advertising soon for hundreds of new pasty inspectors at a massive cost to the tax payer, who will be expertly trained with no expense spared to spot a pie warmer and/or heat lamp. We will be making spot visits to shops and will prosecute anyone warming a none VAT liable product.

    We cant have tax evaders, we have to protect our revenue.

  11. 11
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Why were all the staff standing on a desk?

  12. 12
    Public sector piss take says:

    Fill out the 6 page form that is available from the YouGov website and email to HMRC
    Do not consume any produce until your VAT status has been assessed.

    You should receive a reply within 6 to 8 weeks.

  13. 13
    Strangers Bar says:

    Sorry only free beer here mate.

  14. 14
    Liarpoliticians says:

    What’s the VAT status of offering a girlfriend a “meat and two veg” for lunch?

  15. 15

    They have a newsroom?
    I thought they just copied out the emails that come from Unison.

  16. 16
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    There will soon be a recruitment drive for pasty police. They will have the task of patrolling all food shops and deciding if offered pasties are hot or cold and therefore their VAT status.
    Their terms and conditions of employment will emerge from Brussels, as their human rights will be affected should they get too fat, or develop high cholesterol in carrying out their onerous and dangerous duties.

    Re U turns: I cannot understand why holiday caravans – sorry IM-mobile homes should NOT attract VAT at the standard rate. Unlike pasties, a holiday caravan at Walmington-on-Sea, or even worse, Jaywick, is not one of life’s essentials.

  17. 17
    Moira old-bird says:

    Tax doesn’t have to be taxing.

    Obviously It is. But it doesn’t have to be.

  18. 18
    AC1 says:


    Dave and Zero’s “Kinetic Military Action” (don’t call it a war!)

    “They need to know that conquest is coming, that Egypt will be Islamic, and that they must pay jizya or emigrate,” Morsi reportedly said.

    According to the popular Egyptian website, El Bashayer, Muhammad Morsi, the Muslim Brotherhood presidential candidate, just declared that he will “achieve the Islamic conquest (fath) of Egypt for the second time, and make all Christians convert to Islam, or else pay the jizya,” the additional Islamic tax, or financial tribute, required of non-Muslims, or financial tribute.

  19. 19
    A packed lunch says:

    I will never buy a pasty again.

  20. 20
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Same rate as a fish supper

  21. 21
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Soon to be Shell suited staff

  22. 22
    Selohesra says:

    Perhaps we could introduce simlar tax on those who profess to believe in the magic money tree

  23. 23
    COOOEEEE !! says:

    To whom it may concern :

    You gonna tell me why Womb-Raider woz pulled , babes ??

    Did ya get a phone call or somethin ??

    Needs to know so I doesn’t make the same mistake next time .

    Ta .

  24. 24
    iainspaton says:

    HMRC currently recruiting Hot Food Inspectors, £26k per annum with London weighting.

  25. 25
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Doesn’t salad also get taxed if it is in some way a restaurant?

  26. 26
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Maybe he shit it when he got a real BBC take down notice

  27. 27
    Tay King-dePisse says:

    Depends if there’s a creampie for dessert.

  28. 28
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    All eat in food is VAT liable if the establishment is VAT registered

  29. 29
    Truthteller says:

    F’ckwits, the lot of them.

  30. 30
    Sizzla says:

    Ha, if it’s this complicated for a lunchtime snack, imagine what it’s like for a business trying to work out all the rules on leases, employee NI, dividends and hiring contractors.

    The Treasury needs to get a grip.

  31. 31
    Loungelizard says:

    Must be capable of compiling Pie Charts.

  32. 32
    Mike Handycock says:

    Did someone call for me?

  33. 33
    Ballscooper Nurseries Ltd. says:

    Having had a dry, sunny March followed by copious rainfall throughout April and much of May we are expecting a bumper crop of money this autumn.
    Feel free to come on down and pick your own.

  34. 34
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    That is called “the national lottery”

  35. 35
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    They’ve forgotten about “what to do if you fancy a cold, cellophane wrapped pasty from tesco.” Admittedly not a realistic option.

  36. 36
    HMRC Notification Service says:

    We will soon be launching a VAT/Lunch automated free phone number (premium rate) to assist consumers.
    However at this time we are awaiting the launch of BT’s new phone with more numbers than 0-9 as this does not provide enough options for our system.

    Thank you for your patience, and in the meantime can we suggest you skip lunch as there is an obesity crisis anyway.

  37. 37
    It's only a blog, FFS says:

    Grow up, E.

  38. 38
    YorkshireLad says:

    The fu**ing accountants will be loving this!!!

  39. 39
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    None of that is VAT liable or indeed any TAX liable, as that all goes offshore

  40. 40
    Richard Timney says:

    I love Angelina Jolie. My favourite film of hers is Lara Crotch: Poon Raider.

  41. 41
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    If its for entertainment it could affect your P11D though (benefit in kind)

  42. 42
    YorkshireLad says:

    “And what do you do for a living?”

    “I’m a pastie inspector”

    More like a bunch of Nazis

  43. 43
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Seen it but not as good as Shaving Ryans Privates

  44. 44
    YorkshireLad says:

    And you cannot offset entertainment against your tax either

  45. 45
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Give over they will spend thousands on fucking focus groups to come up with some none job name first.

  46. 46
    Father of 6 dead kids Mick Philpott on Jeremy Kyle says:

    He makes a joke about a jerry can at 8.10.

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    You shat all over his less funny comment. Take a full refund if you disagree with the T&Cs.

  48. 48
    Dudley Zoo says:

    Where do we stand on curry pasties?

    hot hot
    cold hot

  49. 49
    Nom Dom Nom says:

    Unless you are a lobbyist of course

  50. 50
    HMRC says:

    As anything curried is for the multicultural enrichers it will of course not be liable but only if Halal

  51. 51
    David Cameron Prime Sinister says:

    I’m planning only ten thousand more u-turns.

  52. 52
    Eric Pickles says:

    I offered the wife ‘meat and two veg’ the other night. But it looked that good I ate it myself.

  53. 53
    Call me Dave says:

    Sorry make that 5000

  54. 54
    Raving Loon says:

    Saw this on the way to work this morning, went for the Tesco meal deal.

  55. 55
    COOOEEEE !! says:

    Oh, OK.

    On a practical note , SC : Is we still meetin up this eve at The Crown Tavern for a quick half-gallon , honey ???

  56. 56
    Convenience says:

    Actually, they’ve just closed a loophole. Someone, I think probably Greggs but not sure, argued in court that keeping cooked food warm in a hot plate was a health and safety issue, not a takeaway issue – which is clearly utter bollocks. They’re kept in a hot cabinet so that people can buy them to eat hot as takeaway food (it’s not just pasties; it’s sausage rolls, bacon and cheese turnovers, pies, etc). Court found for Greggs or whoever, and convenience stores up and down the land suddenly got a much bigger margin on cabinet takeaway food – nobody I know reduced their prices (convenience store owner here).

    This is completely different to rotisserie chicken, cooked, wrapped and put on a deli counter – because people buy those to take them home for their tea. Not to sit in the park in lunch hour and get filthy trying to eat the greasy things with their fingers.

    Not that I’m in favour of VAT – or its hopeless overcomplications, since I fall victim to many of them – but even as a loser in this, I can see the reporting is ludicrous and a loophole has actually been closed.

  57. 57
    Biggest load of shite ever says:

    Don’t you mean government funded and sponsored, obesity crisis?

  58. 58
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Sorry to be serious. But if he did any bloody planning, he wouldnt do the u-turns.

    ie: THINK about what you actually want to do and whether its practical. Work out the flak you’ll get and whether you are prepared to take it on the chin. Work out whether similar but less flakworthy plans would be ok.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Shhhh. I’ve told you not to call me that on here. Yes, the wife has her taekwondo class from 1800 until 2000 so I should have time to drown my sorrows down a few with you.

  60. 60
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I might do that. My local shop has a photocopier that gets rather hot, so I shall buy cold pasties and photocopy them.

  61. 61
    Mando Lynne says:

    And pies says Gordon ‘Scratch ‘ Mc Scotum

  62. 62
    Louise Stench says:

    Why don’t you just suck off, and just consider the gravy.
    Ah!! Bisto

  63. 63
    WVM says:

    Fucking ridiculous, typical U-turn Dave bowing to BBC/Guardian/Labour pressure, not a supporter of taxing but if you are make it simple and straight foreword.

  64. 64
    Socialism Ate My Future says:

    Clitty Clitty Gang Bang is far better

  65. 65
    HMRC inspector says:

    Yes, tax those bastards!

    I want to retire at 50 and live like a king on my gold-plated public sector pension.

  66. 66
    COOOEEEE !! says:

    *whispers* OK. Eight o’clock sharp then. Bit late for thai quon doe , ain’t it ?? Shhh.

  67. 67
    MB. says:

    Wasn’t this the whole point of the changes in VAT, that they have been trying to get rid of these anomalies for many years. Perhaps someone should try and get Labour to promise to remove VAT from all these food products if they object to one type of food being subject to VAT.

  68. 68
    Parpy says:

    The Treasury needs a good dose of salts to bring on a giant clear out.

  69. 69
    Parpy says:

    So that’s what is meant by copy and pastie!

  70. 70
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Schindler’s Fist, anyone?

  71. 71
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    My blood ran cold when I read the title of this blog, I immediately thought how do they know what I was up to this lunchtime?. Boaz.

  72. 72
    Silvertongue says:

    Miss Quon Doe seems to be very popular lately. Any of you boys know if she still as demanding? Think I just might have to err….. pay her a visit – would that be VAT deductible Chancellor?

  73. 73
    A BA Steward! says:

    This could help reduce the unemployment figures amongst certain minority groups. Shirt lifter pastie types with a GCSE in maths. But they will need the slim ones; the fat ones would be scoffing more than hot pies! OOOHH I’d love a job like that. This is why we really need a least two or three focus groups to sort this mess out.

  74. 74
    alexsandr says:

    and work out how to sell it to the public. think of how the opposition/bbc will react and get retaliation in first.

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