Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View
Mum Talked Down Woolwich Terrorists | Telegraph
How the Tories Can Win in 2015 | Harry Phibbs
View From Lord Bell’s Summer Party | Speccie
What Dave, Ed and Nick Want You to Hear | James Kirkup
In Praise of Apple’s Tax Plan | Daniel Mitchell
Christine Blower Can’t Do Maths | Toby Young
Cameron is Having a Shocker | Iain Martin
UKIP Still Back Flat Tax | London Loves Business
Dave Will Probably Win in 2015 | Dan Hodges
EU’s Tax Harmonisation Agenda | Dan Hannan
Tories Have Always Sneered at Party Faithful | Simon Heffer
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Ai Weiwei in China fighting the taxman…
“Under totalitarian rule, no one is protected by law. We will all be the same helpless victims. When a country insists on its lies, it’s time for an artist to bring forth change.”
Bill Quango MP says:
Ned Flanders – Clegg
Lisa Simpson – Natalie Bennett
Milhouse – Hilary Benn
Martin Prince – Andy Burnham
Edna Krabappel – Luciana Berger
Crazy Cat Lady – Glenda jackson
Comic book guy – John Prescott
Carl – Chucka
Lenny – Philip Hammond
Willie – Eric joyce
Poochie – Gordon Brown
Reverend Lovejoy – Tony Blair
Bonjour trivia.
It’s all over already.
What a shame the Social Science experiment. Feminism. Single Parent. Over reliant population sucking of the POLICE STATE TIT. Blair was told Terrorizing the population dosn’t work. Its being tried in MEXICO and look at the State of the place.
May I say in MAY it is all OVER. ha ha hahaha hah.
What a fu-king mess you Political C-nts have created. What a complete and utter BALLS up.
The same old Shit. From the Same badly educated Twats who pretend to run the country. Have none of them worked it out yet. If you keep on the same path that Fu-ked the economy in the first place, why would they believe that its going to get any better. I mean dellusional or what?
We need BIG ideas from BIG thinkers not the Brain washed Educated Fools that we have at the moment. What the fu-k are the FRENCH doing. If thats going to make things better????
Huhne or Hoon?
Now that the govt have participant status at Levinson and apparently can redact witness statements I doubt anything will come out.
Smells of a cover up to me after Jeremy Cnut fiasco.
It would seem that Cameron and Osborne have spent more time trying to meet James Murdoch’s list of demands re the BBC and Ofcom than salvaging our economy.
I’m a lifelong Tory but I’m also British and it saddens me to see 2 incompetents claim to be sorting out the debt mess left by the last government but after 2 years in government be borrowing £150 billion because they’re more interested in Murdoch and their place in history, i.e. his support in losing another election, than sorting out our country.
Osborne’s almost apology on Marr for how he communicated the budget was laughable. He and Alexander should be apologising for their contribution to the mess the country is in.
Has’nt Leveson been one of Camerons dinner guests?
KABOOM!
Can’t do backgrounds anymore?
That’s quite good for a thatched cottage.
Is it Marilyn Manson?
It is I, – the belle flambé ! Fancy a nibble??
It’s clearly Roger the Alien from American Dad!
It’s Rebeka Brookes. The likeness is uncanny except she looks more evil in real life.
Your best yet R + M
Who or what is it?
it’s the milky bar kid!
It’s Chris Evans in drag.
Cameron sent texts to Ray Parlour?
Its sideshow bob
Actually -a very good one!!
I think both her and your wings have come off.
Just apply a little more wax to where you put the wings!
It is but spoiled by the same old dreadful artwork.
Come on Fawkesy, don’t let Becky Brookes take away your moment, you too could be in the real life cartoon character portrayed, you have always said you wanted to, now’s your chance!
He already is. Guido is the spittin image of Terry Fuckwit from Viz.
SQUEEEEEETTT!!! (flapflapflap)
Has Watson started a vendetta campaign against Clarkson yet?
After breakfast I will begin!!
Well maybe after lunch, there’s Purcell Pie on.
Don’t disturb him. He’s on a ‘kill-streak’.
Crumble and custard on the menu as well?
Clarkson is a clown and by what everyone on this blog seems to think so is Watson, maybe they ought to team up together as a clown act in a circus
It is Rebeka Brookes and the image is so like her except she looks more evil in real life.
Rebecca Brooke’s?! I though it was Guido Fawkes without his hat on, brought forward to the modern era!
Well, I’ve just risen to find our day is a Bank Holiday. Me thinks a prime opportunity to take over the banks whilst they are all away, What?
By the way, the BBC are recommending everyone to stay in their potting sheds as well. Something to do with global warming.
Have a happy one you scoundrels
Shouldn’t you be in hoovering in your knickers to save the polar bears?
Is Alice Cooper suicidal?
That’s it Sir Trumpton – it’s Alice Cooper with a bad hair dye. Thank you sir, I thought it was witchypoo.
Two years after admitting bribing public officials in parliament on tv and she still walks the streets.
To put it another way, that’s two years our bent politicians, police, and judges have been walking the streets without any charges against them.
Careful with those accusations of street-walking, Fiin, unless you have proof.
It is too an attractive image to be that nasty bytch Brookes.
I jumped before I was pushed.
Why is everyone banging on about Hollande? I prefer salad cream.
John Prescott – salad? Hahahaha!
He didn’t mention salad, but Prezza is the sort who would happily nosh inch-thick salad cream sandwiches.
Salad cream on my chips, fella. And on my cornflakes.
M & S are making a pork-pie-and-egg sandwich to celebrate the Jubillee.(Mail )
Persclott has bedded down outside in a tent, to be first in the quque.
What’s a QUQUE?
Is it like a Nissan Qashkai?
For the love of God Guido.
Okay, enough. In the exact reverse of a caption competition, if you contact me I will personally send you a book on drawing caricatures so you can hand it to ‘Rich and Mark’ or do ‘em yourself.
Drawing Caricatures: How to Create Successful Caricatures in a Range of Styles
Bianca from eastenders ??? no
Leave ih Wicky…jas leaaavvvvve ih, wull ya?
Wot U on abaaahhht? I didun’ do nuffin!
(rep*eat for 30 minutes to make one complete episode)
Who on earth watches that tripe anyway
Anne Robinson’s let herself go.
Mick Hucknall’s let herself go.
Kathy Burke on top form
Do they normally have to go to meetings like alcoholics and stand around in a circle introducing themselves. Hello, I am Francois Hollande and I am a socialist…
We now have the slightly mind-boggling prospect of the UK becoming a tax haven for French high-earners (though in fairness, there are not many French high-earners). Which will help the UK economy a smidgen, even if it does slow the growth of the French economy.
Where’s the downside?
Engineer has returned upon the election of a french socialist president. Can’t be a coincidence surely.
Wrong. You missed my return last week.
And anyway, socialists are good for a laugh.
Bit like the French Revolution days. Imagine a Guillotine in Leicester Sq. Oh just imagine. OK back to work.
“..and I haven’t spent a Euro of my own for 15 years, 3 months and two hours.”
It won’t sound so good in a few months when the French economy goes into Grecian-style meltdown.
Be patient. I will come and sort the inevitable mess out.
Thats bollox socialists tax at 100% not 75%
EURO DISNEY À la baisse -7,87%
PAGESJAUNES À la baisse -7,01%
CREDIT AGRICOLE À la baisse -5,90%
I had a socialist in my cab once – Tony, Tony something no its gone!
If only he’d gone permanently…
Stand by your bed you know who is coming back, probably to show Dave where he going wrong
Markets plunge as French and Greek elections renew debt fears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I want your money in extra taxes”, how good that sounds replied Hollande.
Madame La Guillotine “Let zem eat cak!
Let them eat frog’s legs and when the moronic socialists screw up the IMF can tell them to hop it.
I give you a cast iron guarantee that I will not give the IMF oodles of money to bail-out France.
Cast iron is not shock proof
The papers have always rooted around in the stinking gutters to expose the corrupt lying politicians. That is their unattractive job.
The whole Leveson expensive farce is really about the political establishment trying to prevent or restrict future exposure of themselves.
“The papers have always rooted around in the stinking gutters to expose the corrupt lying politicians.”
On that basis the dead-tree press can look forward to a long and prosperous future. Talk of their imminent demise is clearly premature.
…and in the meantime, there must be many juicy tidbits going into the journalists’ ‘pending’ file.
Anything on Twatson do you think Engineer?
I bet Cameron won’t think that if a few racy texts emerge that he has sent! He was texting up to 12 times a day infantile prat.
For the love of God Guido.
Okay, enough. In the exact reverse of a caption competition, if you contact me I will personally send you a book on drawing caricatures so you can hand it to ‘Rich and Mark’ or do ‘em yourself.
Morte
D’accord!
Bien sûr, mes amis. Elle est un perroquet mort.
I say, Sir Aston, there was no call for that!
It’s their egregious self-proclamation of utter fucking stupidity that does my ‘ed in. They might as well send a twitter message saying ‘I am a fucking moron’.
What is it now? Fifth Republic? Sixth Republic?
New age of the ‘S’ word? Aye, ‘shit’. We just had 13 years of that.
Didn’t they say all that crap when Obambi took control in the USA, now I wonder what’s happening in that country hmmmm.
It really cheered me up no end when Gordon said, “no more boom , we’re busted”, or summat like that. Whatever the question was, socialism is the answer.
Make Cameron his tory? Whose tory? His neighbour’s tory? His driver’s tory? Help us out here.
But Who to replace him with? That is the question
Nigel.
Plenty of talent on the back benches. Just take a look at those who Dave’s sidelined so that they can’t get in the way of his Socialist agenda.
F-off you Labour stooge
Yes Yes Yes
I hear what you say
As you know we are dispensing with changing the Lords and all that crap and working hard to get the economy right. We still have at least 3 years to sort things out and I promise we will do that. I’m off to see the new French President tomorrow, I’m sure we will work well together. So there you have it. I will deal with the problems that beset us as a nation, even if it is me, and we will rise like a phoenix from the ashes to a new dawn, a new economy and a new spirit – because it’s the Olympics soon and I’ve got great seats.
Just as a matter of interest, how long did that take you? Or did you use an ASCII-art generator? Probably not, as you messed up the first row. O my Gawd! Didn’t you know there was such a thing as an ASCII-art generator? How galling is that? Would’ve taken all of 15 seconds
Watch out or I’ll have your lackey banned.
The sleazy politicians don’t what the gutter press exposing them for what they really. Pondlife, all of them, vile, nasty and corrupt.
I wish to register a complaint.
The sleazy politicians don’t what the gutter press exposing them for what they really are. Pondlife, all of them, vile, nasty and corrupt.
But amateurs compared to those across the channel.
We’re constantly told (by our politicians) how, although there may be the occasional bad egg that, compared to X, Y, Z country they’re actually whiter than white.
I think it’s just the same conditioning techniques that has the BBC proclaiming themselves the most neutral broadcaster on the planet. I’m of the opinion that British politicians are every bit as corrupt as anything the French or Italians can come up with. How else do we explain a government inheriting a golden economy in 1997 and by 2007 turning it into an utter clusterfuck? Sheer incompetence? Possibly. But when you consider the Imbecility (1997 – 2010) through the lens of parliamentary expenses used to build up and renovate massive personal property portfolios then you begin to understand how personal corruption blinded them to the effect on the entire UK economy.
The Imbecility was nothing more than the Labour MPs (including the PM) insider dealing on perpetual house pr*i*ce rises. And how did they engineer such rises? Create a million new public sector jobs to compete for the housing. Shower the public sector with cash to further boost competition. Import a few million to further increase competition. Turn a blind eye to house pr*i*ce inflation. Slash interest rates any time house pr*i*ces look like flagging.
Naaah, I won’t hear a word said against British politicians. They’re every bit as corrupt as their Europ*ean counterparts.
They are every bit as stupid I agree. But I don’t think they are as corrupt for the simple reason that British people do not accept corruption and quite rightly make a huge song and dance about it. Whether it be Brown, Clegg, Livingstone, Cameron, Murdoch, expenses, postal voting fraud etc.
On the continent the public in many countries just accept corruption as a way of life.
Quite. It’s not the fault of our wonderful police when they condescend to accept bribes, it’s those wicked newspaper hacks that are responsible.
And postal voting fraud doesn’t really matter. And it never happens anyway.
And if it does then it’s certainly not to Labour’s advantage. Fuck no.
What’s the problem. Cherie and I did very nicely thank you.
M.u.r.d.e.r.i.n.g. b.a.s.t.a.r.d. You’ll get yours one day.
Quite. The scum floats on top.
I see Crystal Tips but where is Alistair
Caption Competition Winner!
Crystal Tips hd really let herself go.
Not with me she f**king didn’t!!
Read my f**king book yet?
Have the BBC returned from Paris yet? Why the hell do they think I want to listen to a live broadcast of the new President’s motorcade and dull speech on the radio on a sunday evening?
Bet the corridors were strewn with champagne bottles celebrating the return of socialism
You could hear the congratulatory jizz slithering down the studio window on the Today prog this morning.
For the BBC, borrowing, borrowing, borrowing, printing money, then borrowing some more is a rational and foolproof economic policy. Paying your debts is just something the little people do…
Why was Evan Davis in Paris exactly? What extra insight did he bring by being there?
as Boris’s spinner says
Lynton Crosby @LyntonKCrosby
How does the BBC describe Hollande’s 52:48pc win as “clear” and “decisive” but Boris Johnson’s 51.5:48.5pc as “narrow”? Tax funded bias?
They also conveniently omitted to report the official and definitive result which puts Hollande on only 51.6% (down from 52).
Fidler-Simpson was at his pompous and sneeringly arrogant best this morning, deriding Sarkozy ad nauseam.
Mme le Penne could have held power but sadly advised her supporters not to vote. Question is, if that sizeable chunk of the electorate did not vote then what kind of mandate does Hollande have with his miserable 3.4% ? Very little I suspect. Now watch France fall apart.
As pointed out above, the BBC continues to deride Boris Johnson’s 62,000 majority as “slim” bur Hollande’s tiny win as “overwhelming”.
The BBC’s ‘Return of Socialism’ Party got so carried away that Evan Davies ended up shagging Stephanie Flanders………
OK, maybe that was a bit too far-fetched, but you get the drift.
A bit tricky if they both got their nipple jewellery tangled up…
They haven’t notice that in place of MER(kelsar)KOZY we now have MER(kelhollan)DE
Genius.
And it won’t be long before it hits the fan.
Evan Davis was in Paris for the same reason John Humphries was in Athens.
It makes a nice Bank Holiday trip, on expenses ‘natch.
…….. and UKIP is the answer??????????????????????????????????
If not, then what Twatt? More of the same? I don’t think so.
my local ukip is made up of turds, inbre-eds, and former beeE-en-Pee – wonderful collection of none-entities
You should call yourself FU UK!
The 3hour Presidential debate on BBC Parliament on Saturday night was a good one. I’m sure everyone in the UK was able to understand it without subtitles.
Do it Rebekah. Dish all the dirt on Dave and the rest. Go for it big time.
” Raisa” just knew too much ….now she’s tins of Whiskas in the local Sainsbury’s at Chipping Norton…….
Be careful what you wish for. The dirt and there’s tons of it was accumulated under Labour’s 13 years at the helm culminating in the unedifying report that Brown was declaring war on his erstwhile best mate in the press.
Quite flattering. For a Gorgon.
Merhollande? Doesn’t really sound as good as Merkozy. France is going to hell in a handcart.
I like MEERKATS better!
La France est bienvenue dans mes bras !
How about MerLande? – or just German protectorate?
Customs to Merkel on arriving in France, “occupation?” Merkel “no just visiting”
Phwooooaaarrrh!!! who’s that bit a skirt?? She looks a goer! I’d have her in trice!
Them red things hanging round her – they jingle do they? – I could get them ringing!!!!!!
Phwoooarrrh!!!!
When’s me next breakfast???
Leave her alone she is on her period. Misogynists!
It’s like red rag to a
She looks as though she’s just had a good reaming out.
Are those zits on her gingery mush?
75% tax for the rich in France. Jeez!
zey can afforde ite, youe briteesh arsehole jealoos
That will certainly encourage them to work harder. So they can pay more tax.
Hollande will go Dutch with the rest of Europe
If the cap fits ….
I thought we’d tried every variation of socialist gesture politics to minimal effect last century, but apparently not.
There are already reckoned to be 400,000 French living and working in London. Wonder what it will be this time next year.
Denis Healey had much better idea…83%!
Illegal immigrant benefits fraudster keeps Chelsea flat
HUMAN rights laws mean mum who fiddled more than £30k can stay in the country, live in her council flat and keep claiming benefits
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/#ixzz1uAjs9E2V
Can I hav my old flat back then?
Don’t worry, they just make that shit up.
I wood lyke 2 cungrachoolate mi mayte Monsure Holandaise 4 hiz stuning vicktori in Frenchland. Soshellism is bak!
Thats the Metro fucked then
“Head teachers say they will disrupt a new spelling, grammar and punctuation test to be introduced in England’s primary schools next summer.”
A’s if the speling gramer and punktuation on hear wasnt bad enuff allready
But can we be sure that’s what they meant to say ?
That might be Rebekah, but it doesn’t look like Sunnybrook Farm.
Well this weekend has been full of surprises
Shortazy out
Greek pro austerity part out
and a cartoon by Skid@Mark that i actually know who’s in it , although the picture does do her too much justice
I will hoover your knickers if you don’t keep mum
Omerta is the word of the week
Hoovers use less energy than washing machines. You know it makes sense.
Although i think Skid@Mark have stolen the image from the Chrystal tips and Alistair family album
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uZlbHe5pm2w/Tibd8UWLGeI/AAAAAAAAAek/HkfQB1-OEuA/s1600/crystal-tipps-and-alistair+RED.jpg
Bomb disposal unit goes out on strike.
I say chaps!!!!! My jolly chum Joules says the common people think we’re a bunch of aHuntants!!!
Well that’s bally well not true!! I don’t know the first thing about money – except I know I’ve got plenty !!! watt? Wattage?? Watter!!! Ha hah ha hah !!!!!!
I say chaps!!!!! My jolly chum Joules says the common people think we’re a bunch of aċuntants!!!
Well that’s bally well not true!! I don’t know the first thing about money – except I know I’ve got plenty !!! watt? Wattage?? Watter!!! Ha hah ha hah !!!!!!
Camoron gutted his friend Sarkozy has been defeated.
The MSM report this as the French no longer accepting austerity
WRONG, the public won’t vote in those that are pro EU.
Cameron, you are next
Eh? Hollande and the PS are more pro-’le projet européen’ than anyone else but, like all good socialists, they just want to spend other people’s money (in this case, Germany’s) without any responsibility for paying it back.
Remind me: what’s the French for ‘nail on the head’?
Unfortunately for Hollande, Germany ain’t gonna hand over more cash so our French friends will have to look for credit elsewhere…
It doesn’t matter, though, Hollande is Prez so it doesn’t matter what lies got him there.
Thank you for contacting my office. I regret that I am currently writing today’s £50million cheque to cover our EU membership for another 24 hours. I will then spend the rest of today working out how I’m going to afford the EU directive ordering us to pay social security benefits to non-EU
scroungerscitizens, such as the 75million Turks who I want to come and live here.I will respond to your email on the 12th of Never.
Dave xx.
No, dont diss Dave, he is going ‘work harder’.
Fuck me, the man is a spo.
It was me who first pointed out that the BBC were calling Hollande’s win as decisive but BoJo’s as narrow. If proof were needed ever of BBC bias that’s it.
Due to the unique way it’s funded, this unrelenting pro-Socialist propaganda is brought to you for only £145.50 per year.
Why not pay by direct debit, so you can always be sure to catch the latest wonderful news about Glorious Labour and stay updated about the latest evil baby-eating nastiness of the Tory scum?
Failure to pay your annual £145.50 propaganda charge may result in imprisonment.
Fuck the BBC
“You’re only supposed to blow the bloody head off” (Italian Job variation)
…as Evan Davis was saying to Peter Mandelson only this morning…
Oh well the eu has nothing to fear now that gordon’hollande’brown has taken over the french economy.
It’s disturbing to see zat France just doesn’t do austerity unless it’s being bombed and invaded. A lesson zere for all of uz I think.
Regardless of his politics Hollande only has half a brain which on the face of things would make him dangerous.
The person to watch for is his mistress who is a ‘journalist’ for Paris Match. Shehas been dubbed ‘the rottweiler’.
Although there was a classic opening gap on the Cac40 this morning I think it is definitely worth a short.
” … austerity … ” mon petit choux ?? Don’t you mean Austerlitz??
‘kinell! That is not a pretty sight for a bank holiday monday morning.
I would quite like to stroke her pony’s nose.
Watch out — it bites
Do you think the Frogs will take me on to help print some Francs when the Fourth Reich pulls the plug on the Socialist Fiscal Ignoramuses? I’m soon to leave the B.of E. after forging £375bn or so. I’ve got a nice inflation proofed pension, so I can help them on the cheap for a bit until we’ve got the electronic printer set up. P.S. I still expect the peerage though Dave, before the H.o.L. is bxggxred up.
E-mail to new Prime Minister. Build Maginot Line 2. Lots of new planning and construction jobs for our electorate to thrive on. Economic problems instantly solved.
This suicide thing is ok but what about my Will?
Whilst I can remember my first name ( so distinctive ! ) I can’t seem to remember all /any of my surnames …..so I’ve compiled a little mnemonic :
” Wade into a Brook for Kemp ”
That should do it … unless I marry again !!
So dated,evidently you hide it in your knickers Rebekka!