March 23rd, 2012

Pre-Loaded Spinning

As far as Guido can tell, the last time a Ministerial Statement was rushed on to the Friday agenda was when we bombed Libya. Given that the government has bombed quite enough already this week, unsurprisingly this rushed distraction job is not having the desired effect. It failed to push the Granny Tax off of the front pages and has gone down like the proverbial dodgy pint. Theresa May is not helping matters by constantly talking about “pre-loading” to describe drinking cheap alcohol at home before going out. It seems she alone has coined this phrase…

UPDATE: Yvette just gave the Home Secretary a good going over declaring that May “is being used as human shield and she should have said no”. The Shadow Home Secretary also confirmed that there have only been three statements on a Friday in last decade. Two were concerning war and the other Swine Flu.


  1. 1
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Didnt that report on liver disease yesterday look a little too much of a coincidence?

  2. 2
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Pre-loading with spin !

  3. 3

    That Owen Jones twat must be bombed. What is he on? Listened to him for the first time on Brillo last night.

    Right up the BBC’s street, isn’t he?

  4. 4
    Ah! Monika says:

    These poppies are almost worn 365 now!

  5. 5
    Ah! Monika says:

    Sorry! Terrible split infinitive.


  6. 6
    Well it's a thought says:

    Well I never, we get the diseases caused by booze and now we get the medicine, hope Camoron has his furniture removers on standby, do they have enough bubble wrap to keep the whole of Britain’s population wrapped up so we can’t self harm ourselves ffs.

  7. 7
    Aaron D Highside says:

    Will we still be subsidising our MPs booze-ups or will they be exempt as usual?

  8. 8

    That is a spit up with I cannot put. ;-)

  9. 9
    ChrisB says:

    Alcohol consumption has fallen considerably in recent years- obviously a cause for additional legislation only if you’re in Government and only listen to what the righteous healthists tell you.

  10. 10
    Ken tells the BBC says:

    “When I was carving the 10 Commandments I said to GOD we needed broadband linking every home and City in the country.”

  11. 11
    Fuck off Dave says:

    What i do with my own body is my buisness.

  12. 12
    Pension age increased for the first time in 100 yrs says:

    The graph has peaked and we are sliding down the other side, straight back to the 1970’s

  13. 13
    Farah D says:

    Theresa May. I wouldn’t.

  14. 14
    Pension age increased for the first time in 100 yrs says:

    The graph has pe@ked and we are sliding down the other side, straight back to the 1970′s

  15. 15

    Sorry to venture slightly “off piste” if you pardon the excruciating pun, but just read a BBC report on the budget and didn’t get outraged at the perfidious slant, because it wasn’t very left – did I miss something subliminal?

  16. 16
    tuck me in Dave says:

    I’d like to “pre-load” Barak Obama with my jism.

  17. 17
    Archer Karcher says:

    Alcohol taxation is an EU wide push as I have said before.

    Every country I have visited in the last 18 months within the EU ( 8 ) have the same old bullshit, as with AGW and the like, pumped out endlessly, usually by government or EU sponsored “advisory bodies” regardless of facts. The big fact continuously overlooked and ignored by these busybodies, is actual alcohol consumption is actually dropping. But hey, the new puritan hypocrites will not let facts get in the way of their petty scare stories will they?

  18. 18
    Sleepless in Kirkaldy says:

    And now we will have Alex Salmond saying how the London Government is now adopting his policy, once again showing his godlike powers of leadership and wisdom. Sigh.

  19. 19
    Pre-loaded says:

    Wrong Guido. You ain’t down with the kids. Pre-loading IS an existing phrase. Just look it up on urban dictionary. Innit.

  20. 20
    A pragmatist says:

    “Nick Triggle Health correspondent, BBC News

    It is often said that alcohol is getting cheaper. That is not strictly true.

    Over the last 25 years the price of booze has been rising at a faster rate than other goods and services.

    The problem is that disposable income has gone up more, meaning we have more money to spend on luxury items and many of us are choosing to use that on alcohol.”

    So all this talk by the scummy left about poverty has been complete bollocks then? Who’d a thunk it?

  21. 21
    Asma Assad's gorgeous says:

    What a good day to bomb bad news:

    ‘UK mortgage approvals unexpectedly fell in February.’

    After all the lies about Spring bounce and a rush by FTBs.

    UK, just one shithole of lickspittle shysters.

  22. 22
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    They can smoke in there. One rule for them, and another for the rest of us.

    I object most strongly to paying for these shysters to get cheaper booze and meals which are, no doubt, prepared for them by a top chef, when I have to watch every penny I spend.

    Let them start paying for their own meals and booze – and not on expenses, either!

  23. 23
    Steve Miliband says:

    It’s the post loaded nips that do for me

  24. 24
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Oddly, it even fails on that grounds. If you get your calculator out, it doesn’t make a blind bit of difference to anything bought in a pub, and most normal brands of drnks in shops. Even Morrisons whisky – thats a guess.

    Its also as if they have absolutely zero understanding of determined drnkers.
    Can’t be bothered spelling that out.

  25. 25
    The fast show says:

    Are you pre-loading sir? Pre-loading? Loading a bit more upfront are we sir? Do you like a bit of upfront loading sir? Oh, suits you sir.

  26. 26
    Gonk says:

    What a foul runt he is. I’d use a Hawker Typhoon myself. To make sure.

  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Now granny cannot even afford to have few drinks as home, great!

    Most grannies are keeping warm by having few drinks at home as they cannot afford to heat their houses. Now they cannot even do that.

  28. 28
    jgm2 says:

    During WWII bo*oze was one of the few things that was not rationed. The government figured that the only thing stopping the population from going insane with austerity and relentless fear of death by bombing was self-medication.

    I suggest that today it is pretty much the same case albeit on a slightly smaller scale bomb-wise. Mind you, the Olympics will probably give the religion of pe*ace an opportunity to make good on their bomb deficit of late.

    For this reason alone I think they should lower tax on bo*oze to the same level as France.

  29. 29
    Another Engineer says:

    I knew what pre-loading was and

    a) I don’t drink at all
    b) I’m too old for such nonsense anyway

    Perhaps Guido doesn’t live in the right sort of provincial town.

  30. 30
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    I just can’t believe you there.

    The big players in the EU have much lower taxes on alcohol than the UK.

  31. 31
    Wilky says:

    You are correct, if you have a private medical policy. If you intend for the NHS to fix your body after you’ve broke it, then you should not be surprised if the Govt give you some advice and recomendations. You remain at liberty to heed that advice, or not.

  32. 32
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Crikey. does your granny drnk white lightning. Straight out the plastic bottle?

  33. 33
    smoggie says:

    It is known as Vorspiel in the Germanic countries and is especially popular in the Scandinavian countries where bo­oze is taxed to the hilt. I suppose it’s just another example of tax avoidance.

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    Still Osborne manage to get 46 times his MP salary as mortgage for his £2,000,000 plus house and £600,000 farm house.

    We all need to get advice from him as I simply cannot understand how he managed to pay interest on these loans.

  35. 35
    Not a spokersperson for the BBC says:

    He provides the proles.. sorry, the wider viewing public, with a mainstream view of how bad this Tory led coalition really is and how Labour coudl do a much better job which is purely conicidental.

    We will of course be reporting more on the Right wing neo n@zi incident in Toulouse yesterday.

    Thank you for your money comrade.

  36. 36
    Taxfodder says:

    You have to laugh at the tories, are they really, really this stupid and inept?

    I’m no spinner, but having been around for 70 years has taught me that attempting to put out a raging petrol fire over granny tax with a splash of paraffin in the form of another tax raid on my pint is not exactly a spoonful of sugar…

    Every day their half arsed antics make them less electable and no real alternative to the Labour lot.

  37. 37
  38. 38
    Owen gets owned says:

    Any of you see Brillo take apart toytown socialist Owen Jones last night? It was popcorn TV at its finest. He caught Jones out on his claim that every cabinet minister will get £40,000 as a result of the budget. Brillo asked him where he got that figure from. Jones said most of the cabinet are millionaires but Brillo told him no cabinet minister makes a million a year. Jones just grinned and made the same claim but Brillo kept at it, explaining to Jones that a minister may be worth a million but he’d have to be earning a million a year to get the £40,000 tax savings. Jones kept grinning awkwardly because he had no answer and was obviously startled his rhetoric was being questioned forensically.

    This is what kills me about lefties like Jones. They’re so used to their hyperbole being swallowed without question or examination by their acolytes, it comes as a shock when someone exposes their lies.

  39. 39
    Sick of the greed and lies(still) says:

    My concern is that the Pubs and Restaurants will use it as excuse to put up all their prices. We always get shafted in this country.
    As for the term “Pre-loading”, my son is a student and they call it “pre-drinking”.

  40. 40
    Henry Wood says:

    I do not “pre-load” at home though I drink nowhere else. This is because I am qute badly disabled and stopped visiting establishments with “disabled access” many years ago because it was obvious we were not welcome, more tolerated. As a result I am now never across the doors and do my modest drinking at home paying for it out of a small private pension I saved for all my working life. My evening choice is a couple of bottles of Guinness Export Stout, a very enjoyable though relatively expensive tipple which is 7.5% ABV. And Mr. Cameron intends to hammer me for this. If this lifelong Conservative supporter manages another vote before popping my clogs the Cameroons are not getting it.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Gin price is going up due to this, it already went up by 2.5% when Osborne increased VAT. Now this increase.

  42. 42
    Sungei Patani says:

    As a grandfather married to a granny I can say that this is absolute bollocks.

  43. 43
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Osborne thinks……

    That’s OK. This is this year. They’re pensioners and they’ll have forgotten all about it by the next budget.

    Next year I’ll be giving the pensioners larger crumbs in order to secure their vote at the next election.

  44. 44
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Now lets see. a 4% of 586ml. 2.2 units. 88 pence.
    Tell us where your pub is!

  45. 45
    jgm2 says:

    I dunno about you guys but we used to load up on cheap dr*ink 25 years ago before going out.

    Dunno what all the fuss is about.

  46. 46
    Desperate Dan says:

    Are we supposed to know what you’re talking about?

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Most cuts are targeted at old people NHS, care, library closer, low interest rate, etc. Even police cut, muggers will target older people as they are much easier than young once. Increase in energy cost, old people die as they cannot afford to pay to keep their house warm.

    Now even Gin price increase on top of 2.5% VAT increase on gin.

    With Osborne’s tax statement children will see their old parents as a burden.

  48. 48
    Y says:

    Cameron talking to himself at the, wait for it – Scottish Conservative Conference – what a lark – he really is a tool

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    You are rich but most aren’t.

  50. 50
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Too many people, including Guido, are still thinking in terms of the labour years under Blair and Brown.

  51. 51
    jgm2 says:

    Jones will now devote himself to trashing Brillo. Bedwetters absolutely hate being challenged on anything. Their first reaction is try and shut up any dissenting voices. Then, if forced to listen to contrary evidence they insist their lies are right but when they’re shown to be wilful liars their next tactic is to go after the messenger.

    Expect an article soon detailing Brillo’s many homes, vast salary and ‘links’ to the T*ry party.

    They simply cannot abide that folk don’t believe their every lie without question.

  52. 52
    Y says:


  53. 53
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Tell that to your fat, sunburnt, chain smoking, extreme sports participating, promiscuous, french boob implanted sister.

    It’s all self inflicted.

  54. 54
    jgm2 says:

    still thinking in terms of the labour years under Blair and Brown.

    As a comparator for utter incompetence it’s an excellent starting point.

  55. 55
    Y says:

    1670’s more like

  56. 56
    I don't need no doctor says:

    At least Cameron is positive, the complete opposite to your Ed Miliband.

  57. 57

    Any fool knows that alcohol does not warm the body, but gives the illusion of warmth by increasing blood-flow to the surface from the core of the body, thereby cooling the body. If you are going to testiculate for Labour, at least make it believable bollocks instead of pig-ignorant bollocks.

    Testiculate. verb, to talk utter bollocks. as in, “Ed Milliband testiculated in his Budget reply”.

  58. 58
    Y says:

    quite right number 11
    – aren’t these the same bastards who think the free market reigns supreme???
    dozey dave really should fuck off

  59. 59
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Being Liverpudlian is not self inflicted, that is just bad luck.

  60. 60
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    You *are* joking, aren’t you??!!

    We’ll still be thinking of the years under Labour and Gordon Brown for quite a few years to come – and we’ll *still* be paying for their mismanagement!

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Gin price went up by 2.5% when Osborne increased VAT, now this.

    Granny likes to smoke as well, he has increase tax on that as well.

  62. 62
    Y says:

    hey wilky

    you feed well on the propaganda – you in the olympics then as a spartan athlete in you slim line stella mcartney blousson vest and knickers attached then????

  63. 63


    (Screech ….. splat)

  64. 64
  65. 65
    I don't need no doctor says:

    And as Ken said to Churchill, you need to fight them on the beaches. And as Ken said to Einstein, I think you’ll find that e=mc2.

  66. 66
    Steve Miliband says:

    Make drunks pay for their own Ambulance/A and E treatment/Night in the Cells

  67. 67
    Loungelizard says:

    Dead right. As an experiment in leftish indoctrination it’s worked. Every aspect of life is now viewed from a socialist perspective, the right are continually apologetic for and judged using socialism as the norm on their life stance.

  68. 68

    I can sympathise with your point of view.

  69. 69
    jgm2 says:

    Indeed. Look at this bunch desperate to escape their mortal coil.

    If they spent their money on a one way rail ticket south instead of fags they’d live a hell of a lot longer.

  70. 70
    JJ says:

    It’s pre-drinking. Not pre-loading. The worst buzz word ever.

    I remember the days Conservatives used to be anti-state, now they bring this out.

    Also, in Budget week nobody seems to have noticed that the economy is slowly falling apart again, with lower consumer spending, mortgages, lending, etc etc.

    Kind regards, a jaded Tory.

  71. 71
    Cottage cheese says:

    Y you got some front.

    Oh, that reminds me.

  72. 72
    Clifton Fields says:

    Cameron certainly is given his nanny knows best policies. The man’s a buffoon.

  73. 73

    If it wasn’t very Left then it was totally unlike the Budget.

  74. 74
    jgm2 says:

    They already do. That’s what al*co*hol duty is all about.

  75. 75
    jgm2 says:

    , with lower consumer spending, mortgages, lending

    Surely that’s a good think. It was insane consumer spending, mortgage lending and individual/government lending that got us into this mess in the first place.

  76. 76
    office Worker says:

    I preloaded my sandwiches for work so that i didn’t have to make them when I got there

  77. 77
  78. 78

    And if you remember Ken, I then told you to get the fuck out of my bed, you weren’t getting my vote, you anti 4x, rag hat wearing, camel shagging apologist.

    Boo yakka, Innit.

  79. 79

    The only time guido gets out of London is when he visits the ancestral pile in blackest Eire, where even the cockroaches are pissed 24/7

  80. 80
    Speak easy says:

    Best dust off the home brew kits if Dave is going to bring back prohibition. Can’t understand why he is doing this, first the granny tax annd now the hooch tax WHAT A TWAT. He will never get re-elected.

  81. 81
    Mad, Bad & Dangerous Gordon McRuin ( Member in absentia ) says:

    I had to chase him round the kitchen :(

  82. 82
    Airey Belvoir says:

    Th middle-class yoof round these parts call it a ‘pre-lash’ (as in ‘going on the lash’)

  83. 83
    Y says:

    cameron positive??? miliband mine??? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

  84. 84
    Under Age says:

    The TV news producers love the little brat as it gives them never ending sound bites.

  85. 85
    Gonk says:

    Liquid marmite. An acquired taste not for the faint hearted.
    Don’t worry Henry. A few pence more and it’ll probably never happen anyway.

  86. 86
    Y says:

    surely pre-drinking is putting your jeans and t shirt on?

  87. 87
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    Glasgow East has been Labour for 76 years – life expectancy for males in this location is 57 years.

    I wonder if there is correlation there?

  88. 88
    Airey Belvoir says:

    And a preposition is something you should never end a sentence with.
    (waits for correction by someone with an irony bypass)

  89. 89
    A Taxed Granny who now can't afford her gin says:

    Prohibition didn’t work for the yankers, what makes Dave think he can make it work? Fuck Dave, He has failed. He is a Hunt.

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    Do you mean there will not be any increase in price of “Gin”?

    What about grandpa he likes beer and whiskey?

  91. 91
    Ichabod says:

    I think that he and Laurie Penny would make a splendid couple; both are pretty dim, both are inexpressive, indeed nearly incoherent, both are perenniel adolescents who should still be in, respectively, short trousers and white socks–they both give the appearance of being thumb sucking, foot stamping sulkers. Alas one is a sexual invert and Ms Penny is probably an enthusiastic, but unskillful, drawers dropper. But otherwise they are perfectly matched and, frankly deserve each other. But please BBC give us a rest from the pair; they are truly unimpressive.

  92. 92
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Now I’m not a fan of “Guns and Roses”, but they do have a song where they call “heavily drunk” “loaded”. Its an album track named after a famous brand of foul fortified wine, and I have to say its the kind of feeling you get from such beverages.

  93. 93

    Then make them pay a second time, so they have to miss a couple of weeks before they do it again.

  94. 94
    Johann Hari says:

    Indeed you did Albert.

  95. 95
  96. 96
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    How much is that? if its less than 80p for a 33cl bottle, you’re safe for the time being. They might decide to make it go up of course, but thats another day.

    I’m on about this because it shows just how damn pointless the announcement is, especially when they link it to public order in major towns after midnight.

  97. 97
    Suburban hillbilly says:

    Make your own. Gin 2.26 per litre, wine 1.30 bottle, beer 40p pint

    I have an allergy to fluorine and need my still to distill my drinking water.

  98. 98
    Sky's Peter Poofter says:

    I love to get a large Brut down my neck at weekends!

  99. 99
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    So. Cameron is a buffoon, is he?

    Remember Brown selling off all our Gold reserves at rock bottom prices?
    Remember Lord Levy?
    Remember Mandlescum being re-instated twice after leaving under clouds?
    Remember Iraq?
    Remember Jowell saying she didn’t know she was signing a mortgage document?
    Remember those 300-odd stealth taxes Bliar and Brown brought in?
    Remember Geoff Hoon?

    Thought not.

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Ohhh dear, how often do I have to keep posting that the HoC is a workplace & as such should not be allowed to have bars selling alcohol on the premises?
    Those employed there should not be permitted to make their own rules.

  101. 101
    Sir William Waad says:

    There is no infinitive in your sentence.

    Anyway, the idea that you should not ‘split an infinitive’ is not a rule of English grammar and is supported by none of the major authorities.

  102. 102
    Sungei Patani says:

    Not so we can’t afford to smoke.

  103. 103
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Why are smokers discriminated against, then?

    They pay well over the odds in tax for every packet of cigarettes they buy, so any medical treatment they need should be paid for several times over.

  104. 104
    Sir William Waad says:

    Rather than making alcohol more expensive in supermarkets, why not make it less expensive in pubs and clubs?

    Why is the answer to every problem a new tax – for that is what May and Osborne are proposing?

  105. 105
    M says:

    Did the punch up between Eric Joyce & MPs in the strangers bar have anything to do with the legislation .
    If so perhaps legislation should only apply to the palace of Westminster .

  106. 106
    Rip-off Britain says:

    Sure do. You can buy a six-bottle box of Cotes du Rhone on special offer in a French supermarket for about 12 euros. Quaffable stuff.
    And 75cl of a very drinkable 7.2% beer is about 2.40 euros.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    57 years? Far too long for them.

  108. 108
    Sir William Waad says:

    Why not have soft play areas for drunks, in city centres? These would be large, outdoor covered installations with cushioned, washable surfaces, indestructible bogs and drinking fountains.

  109. 109
    M says:

    ken probably mentioned it to Alex years ago

  110. 110
    Not quite says:

    It won’t affect gin prices as they’re already more than 40p per unit.

  111. 111
    Not quite says:

    It won’t affect gin pr*ices as they’re already more than 40p per unit.


  112. 112
    jgm2 says:

    They should quadruple pensions in Glasgow East. That’ll encourage the bastards to live longer. Or at least encourage millions of pensioners to move there which will force the indigenous suicides-in-the-waiting-lounge to leave.

    Who knows – they might find themselves in an area where killing yourself young isn’t quite such a lifestyle choice.

  113. 113
    Gonk says:

    You have just established a permanently etched default impression of
    Ms. Penny on my mind. Not so with Mr. Jones. I think we’ll discover
    something else interesting about him. Could be a feeder perhaps, or a
    railway model enthusiast for the Weimar Republic era.

  114. 114
    Nik says:

    70cl of gin contains about 28 units of alcohol, so will have a minimum price of around £11.20. With VAT of nearly £2 and duty of £6.70, this leaves £2.60 to produce, bottle and distribute the stuff, including profits for everyone involved.

    If the price of your spirits goes up due to this change, you need to drink a little less of something a bit better.

  115. 115
    jgm2 says:

    Excellent idea. The problem with the expense of bo*oze in pubs is not just the duty though. It’s the insanely high business rates, payroll taxes, VAT etc etc that mean a publican has to sell a thousand pints a week before he’s making a penny for himself.

  116. 116
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    ‘snot a problem unless you pay for your own drinks. Wise up. And get a life (oops, I meant a liver disease).

  117. 117
    jgm2 says:

    Smokers do pay for themselves several times over. Smokers are a national treasure. If it wasn’t for their dedication to killing themselves at vast personal expense we’d be even more in debt.

    We should have a national smoker’s day whereby we salute their contribution to the nations health. Spelling it out to them that they’re killing themselves to keep taxes down for the rest of us might provide a spur to giving up.

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    Tell that to granny and her friends.

    Now the nasty Tories are calling granny stupid!

  119. 119
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Did you hear the details in that liver disease report yesterday.

    Apparently its very expensive because they insist on taking ages to die in hospital. And part of the report was about how to convince them to “get real” and die at home.

  120. 120
    Anonymous says:

    Sungei Patani, would you like to smoke?

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    As an octogenerian pensioner I agree with you that I am apt to be a little forgetful but not when politicons do something that is designed to hurt me; I still remember the 75p per week increase in my state pension for example & in common with many other pensioners I will not forget this kick in the whatsits when it comes to the next GE.

  122. 122
    Fuck 'em All says:

    What do you expect?

    If you rely on the state, you will be fucked.

    So more taxes on booze and cigarettes to stop people using them

    45p tax on work to discourage work. That’s the plan.

  123. 123
    Fuck 'em All says:

    He is paying for the NHS. Just like anyone paying for a private insurance.

  124. 124
    LabourHater says:

    Good on Osborne for aging out the Age Allowance.
    I don’t have the time of day for those who argue against this sensible move.
    Try and justify why retired people of independent means, who are also generally asset rich, should get a higher tax allowance than struggling young families!
    Pensioners have been cossetted far too much in recent decades. They are not having a penny taken off them – all that is happening is that an unjustifiable allowance is being frozen at current levels until it is aged out.


  125. 125
    Fuck 'em All says:

    I quite like the idea of double the pain, half the gain for MPs.

  126. 126
    dai says:

    Just been reading some of anon posts, he really takes being a tosser into an art form, pound to a penny he works in the public sector or is sponging off the state, just watched Theresa may give cooper a slapping, noticed that when cooper gets angry her face appears to get rounder .

  127. 127
    Wilky says:

    Definately no athlete Y, Believe me, there is nothing Stella Mc designs that I could fit in !!

  128. 128
    Young families are a drain on society says:

    Except young families get child benefit, VAT free clothes, CBBC and santa.

  129. 129
    Wilky says:

    Your right, I do pay into the NHS, so I don’t mind if the Govt / NHS wishes to advise me on health issues. The choice to heed that advice, or not as the case may be, remains mine as the individual.

  130. 130
    Stan the distiller says:

    No doubt we will now see a flood of Polish immigrants coming over to set up back street vodka stills.

  131. 131
    everyone a sinner says:

    up the arse – after 9 pints – maybe

  132. 132
    David Cameron says:

    That doesn’t mean I’m not a buffoon

  133. 133
    everyone a sinner says:

    Jones is thick as pigshit and would be much happier bouncing on Portillo’s ample bellend

  134. 134
    everyone a sinner says:

    Cameron is the perfect example of what you see is what you get.

    A total tool.

  135. 135
    Clifton Fields says:

    The fact that they’re idiots as well, doesn’t make him less of a one. The point is he’s continuing their style of government.

    Now, haven’t you got any windows you could be licking?

  136. 136
    Fish says:

    Anon – you sound like that pathetic dopey cow on yesterday’s VD show (someone on their speed-dial list no doubt). Listen again and cringe at the bleating tripe that she comes up with. Out of my pension, I’ll gladly pay for a one-way trip for her to visit Dignitas.

    The idiot made be both angry embarrased to be old.

    There is no fucking granny tax – we’re not worse off. This just something been spun by the Daily Mail* and other labour supporting media.

    * Great myths of our time number 1 – The DM (who has an editor who is a mate of Gordon McRuin) is a Tory paper

  137. 137

    Thank sky fairies for that – I thought senility had set in! I’m 97 you know….

  138. 138
    M Fasemia says:

    I like the National Smokers Day idea – we could combine (or Woodbine) it with the Diamond Jubilee and have a smokers choir coughing the national anthem!

    How about Porno Des using some of his Health Tax, sorry lottery funds, to sponsor smokers, as he’s been relegated to what is now only the second most politically incorrect pass time.

    Suggested title for a new range of top shelf leaflets:

    Teen Smokers – Look at My Tips!!!

  139. 139
    Henry Wood says:

    Hi, it is Guinness Foreign Export Stout and costs £1.78 per 330ml small bottle. 7.5% ABV.

  140. 140
    Jimmy says:

    It’s getting pretty bad when a government statement even gets mocked here.

  141. 141
    Fish says:

    Given the BBC’s left wing orientation – which they deny, claiming neutrality, their ‘hideously’ distorted perspective identifies someone like Jones or Penny as of the mainstream left and having some sort of symmetrical equivalence to Cameron on the other side if the distribution curve.

    In fact the pair of them are a couple of (over exposed) Trots – their right wing equivalence being the BNP, which doesn’t get reciprocal exposure from the BBC. Not that it should in my view – but neither should the likes of Jones.

  142. 142
    OldKenofJustice says:

    You want us to give up the one small perk we’ve got in this job?

  143. 143
    Fish says:

    More Adverbs on this site? GF selling out again?

  144. 144
    Fish says:

    Educated beyond the level of his intelligence

  145. 145
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    And there was silly me thinking that Mrs May was off the scene.

    The last we heard of Mrs May was when she said she had sacked a senior civil servant for gross misconduct.

    The civil servant said that he had not been grossly incompetent and was going to sue the taxpayer in Court for damages.

    I was much relieved by the assurances given by this person at the time that she had acted correctly throughout on behalf of the taxpayer and I was confidently expecting from the assurances she gave that the civil servant would have his claim against me struck out with indemnity costs for showing no cause of action whatsoever.

    I was subsequently shocked to learn that this civil servants claim has been settled. I have asked for details as to what has been done and have had no response to my quite reasonable enquiries as to what she has been up to with my money.

    If it transpires that she has been negligent and has cost me money she should walk.

    I find the argument that because she is a woman then she has to stay in the Cabinet ridiculous.

    In public office you either behave impeccably and perform well above average or you get out.

  146. 146
    Theresas, your friendly auntie says:

    I know what pre-loading is. Justine G. told me!

  147. 147
    Professor says:

    The usual old Bo77ocks of an excuse for a tax grab. You should see the cans and bottles strewn around our smashed up area. Not a 20p Tesco Value weak as Lager can in sight, but plenty of the premium priced super strength, all prom the premium priced local shop. If the yobs can afford designer gear, iDiot Phones and Pads, I don’t think the price of booze will bother them, and if it did, those that rule should check out turbo yeast on Ebay.

  148. 148
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    You talk about gold.

    Buy low sell high.

    We still seem to be long on the stuff at Boe.

    Perhaps we should sell now to clear some debts?

  149. 149
    Tony Eden from Eton says:

    Make the wrinklies pay for tv licences like the rest of us!

  150. 150
    Jimmy says:

    Moi non plus.

  151. 151
    Charles Kennedy says:

    What the gov should do is not set a minimum price of alcohol, but rather make the supermarkets (off-trade) pay the same rate of VAT on booze that as pubs pay. That way it would level the playing field and slow down the decline in the good old British boozer.

    Why should Tescos’s have an unfair advantage? What other sector has such a huge disparity selling the same product?

    The problem is the gov doesn’t have the balls or strength to fight the supermarkets.

  152. 152
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    I think most smokers are well aware of the dangers of cigarettes.

    But it is a matter of choice, isn’t it.

  153. 153
    Sungei Patani says:

    No, it is a filthy habit but if I wanted to I could not afford to. One reason being that the Brown/Balls raid on the dividends paid on my pension fund significantly reduced the value it would have achieved by the time I retired seven years ago.

    The relatively trivial increase in the tax on the slightly less badly off pensioners is small compared to the loss in pension caused the Brown/Balls attack. Of course this attack did not effect Public Sector pensions – it probably helped to pay for them.

    It should of course be noted that the change in the tax break for pensioners has no impact at all on the poorest grannies as they do not pay tax in the first place.

  154. 154
    Sungei Patani says:

    You are a very silly boy/girl. Cuts are clearly going to have to impact those areas where the most expenditure is including the list you produced – the government spend too much; we must get to grips with the deficit and the debt.

    It is impossible to borrow our way out of debt – use your common sense.

  155. 155
    JJ says:

    Yes but not when those things are at too low a level that it is holding back the economy.

  156. 156
    JJ says:

    Hahahaha, kudos.

  157. 157
    Jane Birkin from Paris says:

    One of the main reasons I dont live in England is because I do not like sanctimonious politicians telling me how I should live.

    Today I think proves my point.

  158. 158
    'cutio says:

    Nor will I.

  159. 159
    'cutio says:

    @89 It’ll work next time. Won’t it?

  160. 160
    Crocodile Shoes says:

    God I look fat in that foto next to Eton Boy .

    Must be the four pints of Guinness Black Velvet he now forces everyone in the Cabinet to imbibe before Morning Prayers every day .

  161. 161
    Joyce the Voice says:

    Well said my boy , now go back to the meths and I’ll join you shortly.

  162. 162
    Anonymous says:

    Pre-loading is an Americanism, was surprised to see it in the news report this morning, but Theresa May can’t claim it as hers.

  163. 163
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    I like to let my gerunds dangle.

  164. 164
    Wayne Rooney says:

    Don’t worry. I’ll warm your granny up.

  165. 165
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    If I stop drinking now, I’ll be accused of tax avoidance.

  166. 166

    Actually, beer was made weaker and spirits such as whisky was very much in short supply. Spirits were sidelined for export, e.g. Dimple whisky, which was rarely seen on open sale in this country after WW2. The only outlet for a drop of the strong stuff being your local Spiv.

  167. 167
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    It was Kingsley Amis’s favourite beer, and never did him any harm.

  168. 168
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    They already do dear boy.

  169. 169
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    Yes, that’s free speech for you, isn’t it? Go back to the Guardian.

  170. 170
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    If only your standards could have been applied to Blair, Brown, Campbell, Balls, Miliband E., etc., etc. we could have got rid of them by 1998. Quelle domage.

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