March 2nd, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (War Horse Edition)


  1. 1
    answer says:

    “I will be hung by a horse”

  2. 2
    answer says:

    “Dave has a mare with the horse”

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    If you think the horse is well hung, mine is THIS long!

  4. 4
    Sir Pimple Timpleton says:

    Oh, THAT horse!

  5. 5
    Peter Grimes says:

    The stallion’s is this size, but you should see mine!

  6. 6
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Cameron admits to riding Rebekah Brooks. (Or maybe her horse)

  7. 7
    Tuscan Tony says:

    I was lifting Rebekah into the saddle when I lost sight of my thumbs.

  8. 8
    answer says:

    “All this horseplay is making me hungry”

  9. 9
    capt apollo says:

    when i said “stuff the old nag” i meant vince the cable

  10. 10
    Liarpoliticians says:

    A horse a horse, the United Kingdom for a Greek Trojan Horse.

  11. 11
    I Squiggle says:

    I agree, its not looking good – the defense have hired Harry Redknapp’s lawyer and the prosecution Ryan Giggs’s..

  12. 12
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Jim fixed it for me. auuahuahauahah

  13. 13
    NotTheOtherGuy says:

    “This horse is like our policies – big, bold and not going anywhere.”

  14. 14
    answer says:

    “I have this much horsepower”

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    Wor horse? Are they in Newcastle?

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Mr Ed is better opposition than Ed

  17. 17

    “Fine, I’ll ride it, but I’m not wearing pyjamas and that’s final!”

  18. 18
    Tuscan Tony says:

    “I remember you from horsegag”

  19. 19
    I Squiggle says:

    So the Greek’s gave you this did they?

  20. 20
    YorkshireLad says:

    Does he have a warrant card?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    You mean well hung.

  22. 22
    Anonymous says:

    She tossed her dark red mane seductively as David, straining in his jodhpers, reached for his whip. “Oh Rebecca” he whispered seductively, “time to break you in”.

  23. 23
    animal rights says:

    So you look the type who likes mounting a horse. I thought bestiality was illegal.

  24. 24
    Roundell says:

    Psst Rebeka, still not safe to come out of hiding yet!

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Man of straw meets wooden horse.

  26. 26
    misterned says:

    So is this the horse that pulls the bandwagon which Ed Miliband keeps jumping on?

  27. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    The horse was petrified

  28. 28
    Ed the fed says:

    I know I said I didn’t like trots, but that’s not what I meant.

  29. 29
    AC1 says:

    It’s unlike one of the policies he hasn’t implemented (referendum). This horse is really cast iron.

  30. 30
    Dave The Dog says:

    Coming to a cinema near you: Bored Horse.

  31. 31
    Andrew says:

    Neighs to the left…

  32. 32
    geoffers says:

    The horse is saying “hmmm, nice tits”

  33. 33
    Anonymous says:

    “So then Boris said “I don’t know what you’re worried about. I’ve ridden worse” “.

  34. 34
    Anonymous says:

    “Rebekah take that ridiculous head collar off”

  35. 35
    Selohesra says:

    Nice rack

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    “DC: Yeah, I rode that horse all the way to Libya”

  37. 37
    AC1 says:

    Looks like someone photo-shopped out the remote controller he was holding. Might explain why so many in parliament act like drones.

  38. 38
    Anonymous says:

    Hi, yah, I thought Charlie said he had a coppper’s horse for me to ride not a copper horse.

  39. 39

    “Andrew Lansley keeps trying to put a cart before it.”

  40. 40
    AC1 says:

    Terrible gunt.

  41. 41
    vladikavkaz says:

    “…and this horse we knitted together from the pubic hair left in the bathroom at number ten from the previous owners.”

  42. 42

    In future we will require a full dental check up on all bribes, inducements and freebies.

  43. 43
    Nick says:

    Sam was riding.

  44. 44
    I quit says:

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Has anyone seen my chinkle chankle?

  46. 46
    Dave Atherton says:

    “Some of us are more equine than others.”

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Gelding sniffs mare.

  48. 48
    Mike says:

    “The old nag standing next to you looks a bit strange”

    “Oh it’s OK its just a statue”

    ” Actually,I was talking to the horse”

  49. 49
    Steve Miliband says:

    Not until the next election!

  50. 50

    Yes Dave..that’s one way of beating fuel price rises.
    Another is not to keep raising the taxes on it.

  51. 51
    Troy Tempest says:

    Did Rebekah Wade look at it in the mouth?

  52. 52
    Hugh G Reckshun says:

    Yes, I have ridden Charlies’ Mare!

  53. 53
    Raving Loon says:

    You don’t work at The Sun, do you?

  54. 54
    The ghost of Frank Carson says:

    Can you hire this horse?

    Yes, there’s a little screw under the saddle.

  55. 55

    Ride a cock horse to Gerrards Cross

  56. 56
    Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

    Dave: “I don’t know whether to ride it, f__ it, or eat it”.

    Horse: “Flip a coin”.

  57. 57
    East India Company wallah says:

    Yes,one is known as The Lone Ranger because Tonto Clegg supports everything I despise and objects to everything I propose-not much of a partner really more of a coyote following for the scraps

  58. 58
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    The Met’s policy about lending their horses is set in stone.

  59. 59
    Anonymous says:

    Cammers: Fancy a gallop on a real horse, if I mount this it l would look like Gordon on his rocking horse

  60. 60
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”I think we got crossed-wires on this Horse thing”

  61. 61
    One off the wrist says:

    “Yes I rode her bareback”

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Why the long farce?

  63. 63
    Steve Miliband says:

    Which one is rusty?

  64. 64
    Selohesra says:

    Or more accurately “stepping down having been found out … “

  65. 65
    AC1 says:

    Was thinking more of Warsi Horse.

  66. 66
    Drew says:

    And you can assure me it has no tracker fitted ?

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    “Getting rid of these will cut policing costs and help feed the unemployed”.

  68. 68

    Cameron “A horse walks into the cabinet and the PM says ‘Why the long face?'”

    Horse “..because you’re shit Dave”

  69. 69
    Anonymous says:

    It seems a bit like someone is jealous that a man of his age can pull a still teenager

  70. 70
    algarve202 says:

    fancy a ride? or would you rather have the thumbs up!

  71. 71
    Selohesra says:

    Followed by a big one between those juggs

  72. 72
    Anonymous says:

    It is what is going for a good gallop

  73. 73
    Liarpoliticians says:

    In 2015, one of these will be sent to the Knacker’s yard. Guess which?

  74. 74
    stanlycam says:

    StanSTEAD to london in 60 min ,I’ll take two.

  75. 75
    Paul says:

    Dave: For God’s sake, when I said “I’ll do a debate with the horse”, I meant Rachel Reeves!
    (or Yvette Cooper/Harriet Harman/one of the Eagle sisters)

  76. 76
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Vote Tory or the horse gets it.

  77. 77

    So the new plan for reducing the deficit is £40 bn on Kauto Star

  78. 78
    Jimmy says:

    Osborne asked me to bring him some back, no idea why.

  79. 79
    Red Dog Blue Dog says:

    That reminds me..I must feed the wife’s pony when I get back home..

  80. 80
    Mooooneo says:

    …made lovely steak tartare as I recall. m

  81. 81
    Shergar says:

    Cam: I say, you haven’t seen a large pair of blinkers have you?

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    Top totty defects to UKIP:

  83. 83
    Mooooneo says:

    Minus the stray ‘m’

  84. 84
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Gordon always said that his came with free nappies…

  85. 85
    Sandalista says:

    “Are we sure there are no Greeks hiding in this one?”

  86. 86
    on the hoof says:

    The start of a stable relationship

  87. 87
    a non says:

    London Transport through the ages- Jackass, horse, bike

  88. 88
    EdMiliband says:

    Gweat. Thankth.

  89. 89
    Dave says:

    Are you sisters?

  90. 90
    Steve Miliband says:

    Supper for Sarkosy

  91. 91
    jockeys r us says:

    Rum one, Red Rum one, Bedrum one

  92. 92
    Dave says:

    We found it when the basement in number 10 was cleared. They said it belonged to Gordon but he has denied all knowledge of it.

  93. 93
    Steve Miliband says:

    I would say, in order of importance, horse, Homs then EU

  94. 94
    Proper tea is theft says:

    Look, it’s completely reasonable for the Police to give Rebekah a horse, considering how many ponies she’s given the Met over the years.

  95. 95
    Shergar says:

    Cam: No I don’t ride at all, I said I make all my policies on the hoof!

  96. 96
    AC1 says:

    Totty BUT she’s not actually ever done anything useful.

    PPE and yum rights law.

    Keep her out of UKIP.

  97. 97
    genghiz the kahn says:

    into a shredder.

  98. 98
    Gonk says:

    Bogus, Equus, Decorous.

  99. 99
    Shergar says:

    Cam: Hmmm, when I said I could do with a pony & trap……….

  100. 100
    English Heretic says:

    Cameron “now I understand why the riot squads were so static last October”.

  101. 101
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    I hear she likes the going hard.

  102. 102
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is this the new iron horse for HSP1?

  103. 103
    Shergar says:

    It’s a stalking horse, his name’s Alastair

  104. 104
    13eastie says:

    I got taken for a ride

  105. 105
    13eastie says:

    Beware of freaks bearing gifts

  106. 106
    MB says:

    Dave “I wish our EU neigh-bours would listen to me…”

  107. 107
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    A man after my own heart, but stepping down? No need Eric, brazen it out.

  108. 108
    Gonk says:


  109. 109
    bergen says:

    Last time out even Red Ed beat it at 100/1. And it was no use over hurdles in Europe earlier in the season.

  110. 110
    Archer Karcher says:

    I thought he denied it? Is Joyce a liar too?

  111. 111
  112. 112
    moravian phil says:

    which thumb do each of you want to sit on?

  113. 113
    MB says:


    Dave “I wish our EU neigh-bours would listen to me – this new treaty is hardly going to be the glue which holds everything together…”

  114. 114
    Dave says:

    Gordon left it behind.

  115. 115
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    I found this left outside the Greek Embassy!

  116. 116
    Drew says:

    David to Helen, A good rider can hear his horse speak to him, a great rider can hear his horse whisper, but a bad leader won’t hear his people even if they scream at him !!!

  117. 117
    Jonathan says:

    Dubious female:”I don’t care how well hung you say you are, the answer is still no”.

  118. 118
    I'll have some of that says:

    Rebekah takes one this big….! Could you fit me in?

  119. 119
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    he is a politician. but anyway – he’s claimed it wasn’t sexual.

    I bet theres no evidence for anything other than rather close friendship. Based on how they like their chips.

  120. 120
    Razor the Dead Communard says:

    The answer to your next qustion is no — Dave did NOT request ” communion ” from me …. Now that lassie Becky the Russet Roue’ – well that’s another story .

    ( I’m dead now so no one can sue me and anyway horses don’t have estates to pass on so tough titty ).

  121. 121

    If you rub his forehead a magic horn appears.

  122. 122
    nellnewman says:

    ex police horse saved from knackers yard christened twatson by cameron.

  123. 123
    nellnewman says:

    then again that’s a bit unfair to horses.

  124. 124
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    “That doesn’t look anatomically correct – the one I ride at Rebekah’s has a c.unt on it’s back.”

  125. 125
    Traitor is an ugly word says:

    Tories, don’t do anything very useful these days. Best she starts now.

  126. 126
    Simon says:

    I did not have sexual relations with that horse.

  127. 127
    dickythedentist says:

    Rebekah has sold it to Chris Huhne for £17000 its ok he has the ready money.

  128. 128
    FFFFFS says:

    FFS is this what politics in this country has become? Brown and Blair were so far up Murdoch’s arse for 13 years WHEN IN GOVERNMENT it is untrue.

    Cameron riding a fucking horse three years ago has got Twatson and his cohorts all in a lather. I’ve had it with the fucking lot of ‘em.


    ‘I’ll never be able to take whole country for a ride on that’.

  129. 129
    Ah! Monika says:

    This one won’t move, are you a goer?

  130. 130
    Technomist says:

    He’s the one who was going round last year spilling the beans on what “liars, racists and drunkards” the middle classes are, and what a huge house of porkies Parliament has become:

    “There’s a lot of lying going on, for sure. But [critics] might want to reflect on who is doing the real lying.”

    In a way, you have to admire him for his candour, if not his inability to hold his ale.

  131. 131
    Some Geezer wot knows a million corny jokes says:

    He: “I asked for a butterfly, and you brought me butter; I asked for a watermelon, and you brought me water; I asked for horseradish, and you brought me this horse!”

    She: “I’ll do better next time, really I will!”

    He: “I hope not– I’m going to ask you for pussywillow!”

  132. 132
    Mike says:

    ‘the government were running out of dead horses to flog…. so we had these made up’
    It’s a real money-saver because we can also use them as back-benchers

  133. 133
    jockeys r us says:

    Handsome? Sixteen hands? Stablehand?
    Spot the odd one out.

  134. 134
    Iloathlefties says:

    “The taxidermist did a good job on that police horse!

  135. 135
    Robertson Barley says:

    I was caught stroking Rebekka’s pony….

  136. 136
    Horseshit says:

    Seriously, this was a perfectly good horse until Brooks got her hands on it, jeez, can you imagine what she going to be like bringing up a kid.

  137. 137
    Sloth etc says:

    The Four big Boobies of the Apocalypse with a statue.

  138. 138
    Horseshit says:

    By using the “Clinton” defence, we all know what you actually did get up to with the horse.

  139. 139
    Standing By says:

    Tosser and Totty

  140. 140

    Mount me baby, I’m hung like him!

  141. 141
    Cameroon says:

    Ok yar, thumbs up, compared with Brooksy, you look an absolute doll, do you?

  142. 142
    English Heretic says:


  143. 143
    A Gift Horse says:

    Beware of Plod bearing gifts.

  144. 144
    Alan B'astard says:

    Murdoch said he would geld me like the horse if i didn’t do as i was told.

  145. 145
    Filly Campbell Smith says:

    You can’t beat a good trojan horse, eh Paul?

  146. 146
    Sketch Writer says:

    Dc : Who are you anyway you multi-bellied , multi-cleavaged unfit cow?

    Lose some weight and you might be a able to ride a man — never mind a horse.

  147. 147
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Dave: ‘I’d like to bring a mate so could you do both of us for a tenner each?’

  148. 148
    rpearse says:

    Dave: “Yes, I think we’re both stuffed.”

  149. 149
    Chiltern Hundreds says:

    Woman: How is the old mare?

    Man: We’ve not spoken!

  150. 150
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “So was it only Rebekah’s horse you rode?”

  151. 151
    sandy says:

    “And when I refused to enter it in the 2.30 I was called raceist”.

  152. 152
    sandy says:

    “Just don’t put a saddle on it or I will be accused of indulging in slave labour again”.

  153. 153
    Anonymous says:

    Spot the ringer.

  154. 154
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Yes. But of course no, Really very true, when on a life-style budget, within full voter focus. We have to boost our political presence by expanding into other political landscapes, without ignoring ergonomically safe, key core relationships. Naice pair of tits,you got there!

  155. 155
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    When the Daily Telegraph asked me if I had ridden Raisa I naturally thought they were have a joke about the now deceased wife of the former communist president of Russia.

    That is why I said no at the beginning of the week. It was only afterwards that I realised I had ridden Raisa the police horse which my friends with links to News International had been kindly looking after to help out the Metropolitan Police following one of their reporters had been convicted for what had clearly been an isolated incident of sheer madness.

    I am very sorry to learn of the sad death of Raisa the horse and would now like to attack Argentina.

  156. 156
    sandy says:

    “So this is the nag that Gordon Brown bet the national debt on”.

  157. 157
    Laney says:

    As an Bullingdon boy he was probably holding a Purdey. Pity he didn’t put it under his chin and pull the trigger!

  158. 158
    Major Bonkers says:

    “Take me, take me, you great big stallion.”

  159. 159
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    The first of the expected millions of Greek economic migrants arrive in traditional style…….

  160. 160
    Orbilius says:

    “What’s his name?”

  161. 161
    andy5759 says:

    Ooh Princess, that stallion is having a peek at your cleavage.

  162. 162
    Maximus says:

    Unlikely – at least two of the them know full well the law applies only to little people.

  163. 163
    Maximus says:

    when it realized it could imminently be on the end of one’s brass neck or the other’s brass monkey.

  164. 164
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Can I interest you in Shergar here?

  165. 165
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    highly commended

  166. 166
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    This horse is as fake as I am.

  167. 167
    john west says:

    oh what a wag you are…

  168. 168
    john west says:

    oh you little tinker you…we thought you meant rebecca brooks

  169. 169
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    “I did not have sex with that horse!”

  170. 170
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:


  171. 171
    EC1 PhD says:

    PM unveils austerity sackcloth “Abbey Habit” in interview with Horse and Hound.

  172. 172
    john west says:

    I say do you happen to have a copy of sly dissing by JR smartley ?

  173. 173
    Idle says:

    Dave: “It’s made out of wire”
    Big Lass: “That’s what stops them from drooping to my waistline”

  174. 174
    EC1 PhD says:

    Caption competition captures Westminster mood – no one else gives a fuck.

  175. 175

    Do nowt Dave meets an old nag , and a horse !

  176. 176
    Idle says:

    “I’ll give you a monkey for it. We have the French coming for a state visit and banquet next week”

  177. 177
    john west says:

    laughed…i didn’t stop until my hooves clipped her nibblers….

  178. 178
    john west says:

    do you mean he shoved his cigar up it’s chuff ?

  179. 179
    Idle says:

    When I said that raising your grievance in Parliament would cost you a pony this was not what I had in mind.

  180. 180
    Idle says:

    Well it’s certainly not a police horse, it hasn’t got a c*nt half way down it’s back.

  181. 181
    Horseshit says:

    No, he slipped, well sort of grated, his bell end past these:

  182. 182
    Horseshit says:

    The straightest PM since Bliar, approx milliseconds away from a well deserved hoof in the nuts.

  183. 183
    Roger Rabbit says:

    Fancy a threesome?

  184. 184
    Gary Glitter says:

    Rum Tum Tum – Two Fingers up Yer B_ _

  185. 185
    Maximus says:

    “My horse is named Leveson.”

  186. 186

    Google says you are not Steve Miliband !!!

    A Search claims you are a spelling error and really are ….

    Steve Miller Band !!!!

  187. 187
    Ash Ken the Question says:

    Guru gone, horse hoofed it – who left the fucking stable door unbolted?

  188. 188
    Acc knacker says:

    Yah Rebekah got a horse & I got Andy Coulson… Her- Fair exchange is no robbery…

  189. 189
    Bluebottle says:

    You cannot send me to prison because I have a horse to look after.

  190. 190

    This is Incitatus who will be taking over as director of strategy.

  191. 191
    Qui Bono says:

    Cameron’s claims not to want any more horsey-types on the A-list backfire, as rebellious local party adopts the one who looks most like a horse. It is unclear who is adopted so a final run-off is agreed.

  192. 192

    The Grauniad’s effort is:

    Cameron tries to close stable door after Rebebak Brooks horse story has bolted [sic].

  193. 193
    sandy says:

    Allow me to introduce the next Mare of London.

  194. 194
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave is surprised to learn the meaning of ‘cast-iron’.

  195. 195
    The Praetorian Prefect says:

    Not so fast, my lad!

  196. 196
    Ally Cochrane says:

    I worked like a Trojan to get this far.

  197. 197
    peter7 says:

    War Horse, how about Falklands ?

  198. 198
    peter7 says:

    NHS, why competition ? how about collaboration instead

  199. 199
    peter7 says:

    One has to start a war in order to go down in history

  200. 200
    peter7 says:

    And is there room inside for two?

  201. 201
    peter7 says:

    I always wanted to work with wood

  202. 202
    Trigger says:

    Fauvel approves of the glue..

  203. 203
    Adrian says:


    Was this a ménage à trois or a stable relationship?

  204. 204
    Raisa from Beyond the Grave says:

    I am not a horse , I am Mikhail’s wife on earth!

    And if you dare take my name in vain again I will haunt you all till the end of time .

    Also I will arrange for Mikhail’s friends to add some Polonium to your tea which means your end of time will arrive pretty damn quick.

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