March 2nd, 2012

Friday Caption Contest (War Horse Edition)


204 Comments

  1. 1
    answer says:

    “I will be hung by a horse”

    Like

  2. 2
    answer says:

    “Dave has a mare with the horse”

    Like

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    If you think the horse is well hung, mine is THIS long!

    Like

  4. 4
    Sir Pimple Timpleton says:

    Oh, THAT horse!

    Like

  5. 5
    Peter Grimes says:

    The stallion’s is this size, but you should see mine!

    Like

  6. 5
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Cameron admits to riding Rebekah Brooks. (Or maybe her horse)

    Like

  7. 7
    Tuscan Tony says:

    I was lifting Rebekah into the saddle when I lost sight of my thumbs.

    Like

  8. 8
    answer says:

    “All this horseplay is making me hungry”

    Like

  9. 9
    capt apollo says:

    when i said “stuff the old nag” i meant vince the cable

    Like

  10. 10
    Liarpoliticians says:

    A horse a horse, the United Kingdom for a Greek Trojan Horse.

    Like

  11. 11
    I Squiggle says:

    I agree, its not looking good – the defense have hired Harry Redknapp’s lawyer and the prosecution Ryan Giggs’s..

    Like

  12. 12
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Jim fixed it for me. auuahuahauahah

    Like

  13. 13
    NotTheOtherGuy says:

    “This horse is like our policies – big, bold and not going anywhere.”

    Like

    • 29
      AC1 says:

      It’s unlike one of the policies he hasn’t implemented (referendum). This horse is really cast iron.

      Like

  14. 14
    answer says:

    “I have this much horsepower”

    Like

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    Wor horse? Are they in Newcastle?

    Like

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Mr Ed is better opposition than Ed

    Like

  17. 16

    “Fine, I’ll ride it, but I’m not wearing pyjamas and that’s final!”

    Like

  18. 18
    Tuscan Tony says:

    “I remember you from horsegag”

    Like

  19. 19
    I Squiggle says:

    So the Greek’s gave you this did they?

    Like

  20. 20
    YorkshireLad says:

    Does he have a warrant card?

    Like

  21. 22
    Anonymous says:

    She tossed her dark red mane seductively as David, straining in his jodhpers, reached for his whip. “Oh Rebecca” he whispered seductively, “time to break you in”.

    Like

  22. 22
    animal rights says:

    So you look the type who likes mounting a horse. I thought bestiality was illegal.

    Like

    • 162
      Maximus says:

      Unlikely – at least two of the them know full well the law applies only to little people.

      Like

  23. 24
    Roundell says:

    Psst Rebeka, still not safe to come out of hiding yet!

    Like

  24. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Man of straw meets wooden horse.

    Like

  25. 26
    misterned says:

    So is this the horse that pulls the bandwagon which Ed Miliband keeps jumping on?

    Like

  26. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    The horse was petrified

    Like

    • 163
      Maximus says:

      when it realized it could imminently be on the end of one’s brass neck or the other’s brass monkey.

      Like

  27. 28
    Ed the fed says:

    I know I said I didn’t like trots, but that’s not what I meant.

    Like

  28. 30
    Dave The Dog says:

    Coming to a cinema near you: Bored Horse.

    Like

  29. 31
    Andrew says:

    Neighs to the left…

    Like

  30. 32
    geoffers says:

    The horse is saying “hmmm, nice tits”

    Like

  31. 33
    Anonymous says:

    “So then Boris said “I don’t know what you’re worried about. I’ve ridden worse” “.

    Like

  32. 33
    Anonymous says:

    “Rebekah take that ridiculous head collar off”

    Like

  33. 36
    Anonymous says:

    “DC: Yeah, I rode that horse all the way to Libya”

    Like

  34. 38
    Anonymous says:

    Hi, yah, I thought Charlie said he had a coppper’s horse for me to ride not a copper horse.

    Like

  35. 39

    “Andrew Lansley keeps trying to put a cart before it.”

    Like

  36. 41
    vladikavkaz says:

    “…and this horse we knitted together from the pubic hair left in the bathroom at number ten from the previous owners.”

    Like

  37. 42

    In future we will require a full dental check up on all bribes, inducements and freebies.

    Like

  38. 43
    Nick says:

    Sam was riding.

    Like

  39. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Has anyone seen my chinkle chankle?

    Like

  40. 46
    Dave Atherton says:

    “Some of us are more equine than others.”

    Like

  41. 47
    Anonymous says:

    Gelding sniffs mare.

    Like

  42. 48
    Mike says:

    “The old nag standing next to you looks a bit strange”

    “Oh it’s OK its just a statue”

    ” Actually,I was talking to the horse”

    Like

  43. 50

    Yes Dave..that’s one way of beating fuel price rises.
    Another is not to keep raising the taxes on it.

    Like

  44. 52
    Hugh G Reckshun says:

    Yes, I have ridden Charlies’ Mare!

    Like

  45. 53
    Raving Loon says:

    You don’t work at The Sun, do you?

    Like

  46. 55

    Ride a cock horse to Gerrards Cross

    Like

  47. 56
    Pedalpoweredwheelchair says:

    Dave: “I don’t know whether to ride it, f__ it, or eat it”.

    Horse: “Flip a coin”.

    Like

  48. 58
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    The Met’s policy about lending their horses is set in stone.

    Like

  49. 60
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”I think we got crossed-wires on this Horse thing”

    Like

  50. 61
    One off the wrist says:

    “Yes I rode her bareback”

    Like

  51. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Why the long farce?

    Like

  52. 63
    Steve Miliband says:

    Which one is rusty?

    Like

  53. 66
    Drew says:

    And you can assure me it has no tracker fitted ?

    Like

  54. 67
    Anonymous says:

    “Getting rid of these will cut policing costs and help feed the unemployed”.

    Like

  55. 68

    Cameron “A horse walks into the cabinet and the PM says ‘Why the long face?'”

    Horse “..because you’re shit Dave”

    Like

  56. 70
    algarve202 says:

    fancy a ride? or would you rather have the thumbs up!

    Like

  57. 73
    Liarpoliticians says:

    In 2015, one of these will be sent to the Knacker’s yard. Guess which?

    Like

  58. 74
    stanlycam says:

    StanSTEAD to london in 60 min ,I’ll take two.

    Like

  59. 75
    Paul says:

    Dave: For God’s sake, when I said “I’ll do a debate with the horse”, I meant Rachel Reeves!
    (or Yvette Cooper/Harriet Harman/one of the Eagle sisters)

    Like

  60. 76
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Vote Tory or the horse gets it.

    Like

  61. 77

    So the new plan for reducing the deficit is £40 bn on Kauto Star

    Like

  62. 78
    Jimmy says:

    Osborne asked me to bring him some back, no idea why.

    Like

  63. 79
    Red Dog Blue Dog says:

    That reminds me..I must feed the wife’s pony when I get back home..

    Like

  64. 80
    Mooooneo says:

    …made lovely steak tartare as I recall. m

    Like

  65. 81
    Shergar says:

    Cam: I say, you haven’t seen a large pair of blinkers have you?

    Like

  66. 83
    Perse O'Nally says:

    Gordon always said that his came with free nappies…

    Like

  67. 85
    Sandalista says:

    “Are we sure there are no Greeks hiding in this one?”

    Like

  68. 86
    on the hoof says:

    The start of a stable relationship

    Like

  69. 87
    a non says:

    London Transport through the ages- Jackass, horse, bike

    Like

  70. 89
    Dave says:

    Are you sisters?

    Like

  71. 90
    Steve Miliband says:

    Supper for Sarkosy

    Like

  72. 91
    jockeys r us says:

    Rum one, Red Rum one, Bedrum one

    Like

  73. 92
    Dave says:

    We found it when the basement in number 10 was cleared. They said it belonged to Gordon but he has denied all knowledge of it.

    Like

  74. 93
    Steve Miliband says:

    I would say, in order of importance, horse, Homs then EU

    Like

  75. 94
    Proper tea is theft says:

    Look, it’s completely reasonable for the Police to give Rebekah a horse, considering how many ponies she’s given the Met over the years.

    Like

  76. 95
    Shergar says:

    Cam: No I don’t ride at all, I said I make all my policies on the hoof!

    Like

  77. 98
    Gonk says:

    Bogus, Equus, Decorous.

    Like

  78. 99
    Shergar says:

    Cam: Hmmm, when I said I could do with a pony & trap……….

    Like

  79. 100
    English Heretic says:

    Cameron “now I understand why the riot squads were so static last October”.

    Like

  80. 102
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Is this the new iron horse for HSP1?

    Like

  81. 103
    Shergar says:

    It’s a stalking horse, his name’s Alastair

    Like

  82. 104
    13eastie says:

    I got taken for a ride

    Like

  83. 105
    13eastie says:

    Beware of freaks bearing gifts

    Like

  84. 106
    MB says:

    Dave “I wish our EU neigh-bours would listen to me…”

    Like

    • 113
      MB says:

      Or:

      Dave “I wish our EU neigh-bours would listen to me – this new treaty is hardly going to be the glue which holds everything together…”

      Like

  85. 109
    bergen says:

    Last time out even Red Ed beat it at 100/1. And it was no use over hurdles in Europe earlier in the season.

    Like

  86. 111
  87. 112
    moravian phil says:

    which thumb do each of you want to sit on?

    Like

  88. 114
    Dave says:

    Gordon left it behind.

    Like

  89. 115
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    I found this left outside the Greek Embassy!

    Like

  90. 116
    Drew says:

    David to Helen, A good rider can hear his horse speak to him, a great rider can hear his horse whisper, but a bad leader won’t hear his people even if they scream at him !!!

    Like

  91. 117
    Jonathan says:

    Dubious female:”I don’t care how well hung you say you are, the answer is still no”.

    Like

  92. 118
    I'll have some of that says:

    Rebekah takes one this big….! Could you fit me in?

    Like

  93. 120
    Razor the Dead Communard says:

    The answer to your next qustion is no — Dave did NOT request ” communion ” from me …. Now that lassie Becky the Russet Roue’ – well that’s another story .

    ( I’m dead now so no one can sue me and anyway horses don’t have estates to pass on so tough titty ).

    Like

  94. 121

    If you rub his forehead a magic horn appears.

    Like

  95. 122
    nellnewman says:

    ex police horse saved from knackers yard christened twatson by cameron.

    Like

  96. 124
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    “That doesn’t look anatomically correct – the one I ride at Rebekah’s has a c.unt on it’s back.”

    Like

  97. 126
    Simon says:

    I did not have sexual relations with that horse.

    Like

  98. 128
    FFFFFS says:

    FFS is this what politics in this country has become? Brown and Blair were so far up Murdoch’s arse for 13 years WHEN IN GOVERNMENT it is untrue.

    Cameron riding a fucking horse three years ago has got Twatson and his cohorts all in a lather. I’ve had it with the fucking lot of ‘em.

    OR

    ‘I’ll never be able to take whole country for a ride on that’.

    Like

  99. 129
    Ah! Monika says:

    This one won’t move, are you a goer?

    Like

  100. 131
    Some Geezer wot knows a million corny jokes says:

    He: “I asked for a butterfly, and you brought me butter; I asked for a watermelon, and you brought me water; I asked for horseradish, and you brought me this horse!”

    She: “I’ll do better next time, really I will!”

    He: “I hope not– I’m going to ask you for pussywillow!”

    Like

  101. 132
    Mike says:

    ‘the government were running out of dead horses to flog…. so we had these made up’
    It’s a real money-saver because we can also use them as back-benchers

    Like

  102. 133
    jockeys r us says:

    Handsome? Sixteen hands? Stablehand?
    Spot the odd one out.

    Like

  103. 135
    Robertson Barley says:

    I was caught stroking Rebekka’s pony….

    Like

  104. 136
    Horseshit says:

    Seriously, this was a perfectly good horse until Brooks got her hands on it, jeez, can you imagine what she going to be like bringing up a kid.

    Like

  105. 137
    Sloth etc says:

    The Four big Boobies of the Apocalypse with a statue.

    Like

  106. 139
    Standing By says:

    Tosser and Totty

    Like

  107. 140

    Mount me baby, I’m hung like him!

    Like

  108. 141
    Cameroon says:

    Ok yar, thumbs up, compared with Brooksy, you look an absolute doll, do you?

    Like

  109. 143
    A Gift Horse says:

    Beware of Plod bearing gifts.

    Like

  110. 144
    Alan B'astard says:

    Murdoch said he would geld me like the horse if i didn’t do as i was told.

    Like

  111. 145
    Filly Campbell Smith says:

    You can’t beat a good trojan horse, eh Paul?

    Like

  112. 146
    Sketch Writer says:

    Dc : Who are you anyway you multi-bellied , multi-cleavaged unfit cow?

    Lose some weight and you might be a able to ride a man — never mind a horse.

    Like

  113. 147
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Dave: ‘I’d like to bring a mate so could you do both of us for a tenner each?’

    Like

  114. 148
    rpearse says:

    Dave: “Yes, I think we’re both stuffed.”

    Like

  115. 149
    Chiltern Hundreds says:

    Woman: How is the old mare?

    Man: We’ve not spoken!

    Like

  116. 150
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “So was it only Rebekah’s horse you rode?”

    Like

  117. 154
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Yes. But of course no, Really very true, when on a life-style budget, within full voter focus. We have to boost our political presence by expanding into other political landscapes, without ignoring ergonomically safe, key core relationships. Naice pair of tits,you got there!

    Like

  118. 155
    Thomas from Tonna says:

    When the Daily Telegraph asked me if I had ridden Raisa I naturally thought they were have a joke about the now deceased wife of the former communist president of Russia.

    That is why I said no at the beginning of the week. It was only afterwards that I realised I had ridden Raisa the police horse which my friends with links to News International had been kindly looking after to help out the Metropolitan Police following one of their reporters had been convicted for what had clearly been an isolated incident of sheer madness.

    I am very sorry to learn of the sad death of Raisa the horse and would now like to attack Argentina.

    Like

  119. 156
    sandy says:

    “So this is the nag that Gordon Brown bet the national debt on”.

    Like

  120. 159
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    The first of the expected millions of Greek economic migrants arrive in traditional style…….

    Like

  121. 160
    Orbilius says:

    “What’s his name?”
    “Woodentop!”

    Like

  122. 161
    andy5759 says:

    Ooh Princess, that stallion is having a peek at your cleavage.

    Like

  123. 164
    Baron Hogwash says:

    Can I interest you in Shergar here?

    Like

  124. 166
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    This horse is as fake as I am.

    Like

  125. 169
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    “I did not have sex with that horse!”

    Like

  126. 171
    EC1 PhD says:

    PM unveils austerity sackcloth “Abbey Habit” in interview with Horse and Hound.

    Like

  127. 174
    EC1 PhD says:

    Caption competition captures Westminster mood – no one else gives a fuck.

    Like

  128. 175
    FUCK THE LIMPDICK GAMES says:

    Do nowt Dave meets an old nag , and a horse !

    Like

  129. 179
    Idle says:

    When I said that raising your grievance in Parliament would cost you a pony this was not what I had in mind.

    Like

  130. 180
    Idle says:

    Well it’s certainly not a police horse, it hasn’t got a c*nt half way down it’s back.

    Like

  131. 182
    Horseshit says:

    The straightest PM since Bliar, approx milliseconds away from a well deserved hoof in the nuts.

    Like

  132. 183
    Roger Rabbit says:

    Fancy a threesome?

    Like

  133. 185
    Maximus says:

    “My horse is named Leveson.”

    Like

  134. 187
    Ash Ken the Question says:

    Guru gone, horse hoofed it – who left the fucking stable door unbolted?

    Like

  135. 188
    Acc knacker says:

    Yah Rebekah got a horse & I got Andy Coulson… Her- Fair exchange is no robbery…

    Like

  136. 189
    Bluebottle says:

    You cannot send me to prison because I have a horse to look after.

    Like

  137. 190

    This is Incitatus who will be taking over as director of strategy.

    Like

  138. 192

    The Grauniad’s effort is:

    Cameron tries to close stable door after Rebebak Brooks horse story has bolted [sic].

    Like

  139. 193
    sandy says:

    Allow me to introduce the next Mare of London.

    Like

  140. 194
    Sir William Waad says:

    Dave is surprised to learn the meaning of ‘cast-iron’.

    Like

  141. 196
    Ally Cochrane says:

    I worked like a Trojan to get this far.

    Like

  142. 197
    peter7 says:

    War Horse, how about Falklands ?

    Like

  143. 198
    peter7 says:

    NHS, why competition ? how about collaboration instead

    Like

  144. 199
    peter7 says:

    One has to start a war in order to go down in history

    Like

  145. 200
    peter7 says:

    And is there room inside for two?

    Like

  146. 201
    peter7 says:

    I always wanted to work with wood

    Like

  147. 202
    Trigger says:

    Fauvel approves of the glue..

    Like

  148. 203
    Adrian says:

    (Caption)

    Was this a ménage à trois or a stable relationship?

    Like

  149. 204
    Raisa from Beyond the Grave says:

    I am not a horse , I am Mikhail’s wife on earth!

    And if you dare take my name in vain again I will haunt you all till the end of time .

    Also I will arrange for Mikhail’s friends to add some Polonium to your tea which means your end of time will arrive pretty damn quick.

    Like


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cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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