February 16th, 2012

Court Reserves Judgement on Spelman Son Injunction

Caroline Spelman was apparently advised against seeking a super-injunction to stop the Daily Star Sunday writing about her England rugby star son, and his alleged ███ ██ █████████. She failed to get the coveted privacy gag and now a judge has said he needs more time to decide whether Jonny should get special treatment because his mother is a) a millionaire and b) in the public eye.

Any other member of the England Under 18 squad accused of similar behaviour would not receive such a special dispensation.


  1. 1
    Ivor Biggun says:

    Does this involve lifting other gentlemens shirts?

  2. 2
    Judge Jeffries says:

    Not much evidence here that “Justice is Blind”; only that British justice is as venal and deferential to money and politicians (of the right stripe, naturally) as ever.

  3. 3
    sheepshagger says:

    I can’t see what’s wrong with shagging a sheep or sheeps.

  4. 4
    JH says:

    Looks like the lawyers have OK’d comments on this.

    I don’t really care what the spoilt little turd has been up to.

  5. 5
    Necronomicon says:

    The plural for sheep is shipe.

  6. 6
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Surely the plural of sheep is LibDem.

  7. 7
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    If this person cannot manage the litigation process efficiently in her private life then I would not want to employ her in any business I own.

    She has done pretty well out of the taxpayer whilst achieving precious little and i think it correct that the taxpayer should know what it is she has been doing to keep High Court Judges busy.

  8. 8
    Bluebottle says:

    I have a sheep .

    He is called Stephen.

    He is from Stevenage.

  9. 9
    Ace Gikmo says:

    …..alleged Use of Spinach? What else could have given him such a marvellous physique?

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    alleged use of…

  11. 11
    Maximus says:

    Having personal experienced ruggery in my grammar school days due to the Head Master liking to flaunt his M.A. (Cantab) at every opportunity, I seem to remember that on the pitch, clutching more than one ball at a time to one’s bosom might have been against the rules.

  12. 12
    Fuct says:


    The alleged information is already in the public domain, allegedly in his own words and allegedly by his own hand, in jurisdictions not covered by UK law.

    It’s telling that Mrs Spellman hasn’t heard of the Streisand effect or if she has, she’s chosen to ignore it.

    When the alleged facts DO come out, as they surely will, Mrs Spellman will have to deal with the fall out from those alleged facts and the genuine and deserved outcry at the Spellman’s poorly attempted, highly expensive and utterly failed cover up.

    If she isn’t sacked she ought to resign as it could be demonstrated that poor judgement appears to run in the family.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    No one gave a shit what he’d been up to until his mum launched this ridiculous attempt to gag the press.

  14. 14

    I got stoned in the stoneage

  15. 15
    Dougal says:

    I feel sorry for the boy. It can not be nice having a mum from hell. All his life he has been looked after by servants and most of them paid by fiddled job expenses.

  16. 16
    Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:

    Jeez, if she was your Mum it’s probably making sense why he’s scared of women and was driven to b*ggery…

    Question is, was it b*ggery with another member of the team…

    I wonder what Red Ken thinks. The team is obviously “riddled”…

  17. 17
    Soft-hearted mum says:

    He’s 17 years old – do you not think that a minor is entitled to some privacy? Would you feel ok with one of your daughters having her life discussed all over the media at the age of 17?
    If he’s been arrested or something which is a matter of public record, then fair enough. But if he’s being young and silly, I’d say, leave him alone.

  18. 18
    MacGuffin says:

    That kid is quite hot actually.

  19. 19
    Les Abbey says:

    Has it got anything to do with Hague or Fox?

  20. 20
    MacGuffin says:

    Does Jonny Spelman run a foreign affairs and defence procurement consultancy?

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    Those were in the day when if you wanted to ugrade from a BA or BSc you paid a fiver (I think it was only at Oxbridge though)

  22. 22
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Is this the bail jait question?

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    I don’t think it is little Jonny, the guy appears to have white hair and looks fairly good shape for his age

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    No goes to a posh boys school

  25. 25
    MacGuffin says:

    Ummmm…. ok thanks.

  26. 26
    Anonymous says:

    If he has been a naughty little boy who else could get their mummy to get a hush-hush order, by the way whats the going rate last year it was £50,000

  27. 27
    Spelman badger murderer says:

    Shared a room with William Hague?

  28. 28
    huwwuh says:

    If it does involve shirt lifting it increases the gulf between those that march with pride and those that hide their head in shame.

    Look I’m a pervert V Don’t look I’m a pervert.

  29. 29
    Carolilne Flack says:

    17 mmm a bit old but he’ll do. Does he like girls or boys though.

  30. 30
    Points mean prizws says:

    Drove Huhne’s car?

  31. 31
    Dave Lee Travis says:

    Keep up son, that was a smokescreen.

  32. 32
    James D says:

    He must have worked out really hard to get such a muscular figure…

  33. 33
    MacGuffin says:

    Ohhhhhhhh….ok. Now I get it. I have just filled in the blanks.

    ‘Use of anabolicspinach’

  34. 34
    Harry Ramsden says:

    A Bullworker!

  35. 35
    Anonymous says:

    On skunk again!

  36. 36
    Alex Salmond says:

    Perhaps he was shagging a neep or a tatty —- to celebrate Burns Night .

    Scotland for the Sheep Sh….earers !!

  37. 37
    Linford Christie says:

    I’m disappointed. I was hoping this story would be juicer.

  38. 38
    Tory Cat says:

    The first two blocked out words could be blow job but I’m not sure about the third.

  39. 39
    Watch says:


  40. 40
    Biffo says:

    Exactly – demonstrating yet again her complete inability to make a good judgement. Pay my Nanny with taxpayers money, sell off the forests – need I go any further?

  41. 41
    Biffo says:

    Yea, I do think a 17 year old is entitled to some privacy – until his mother uses her public name & position – and our money – to stop his misdeeds becoming public knowldege. Until the publicity about this injunction I didn’t even know she had a 17 y.o. rugby playing son. Now, thanks to Mummy I do & now I’m curious as to what he’s been up to as Mummy is willing to spend such a large amount of money to try & stop us finding that out. ‘Hoist by her own petard’ is the stock phrase I believe.

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    Judging by the evidence he has left all over the internet (hint: google his twitter id) he is not the sharpest tool in the box.

    His dad works for Accenture so is presumably pretty bright. Which leaves mum as the source of the thicko genes. How depressing.

  43. 43
    Alan B'astard says:

    Has he been sharing a hotel room with william hague to save money.

  44. 44
    Gaylord says:

    Having had a few dealings with Accenture, and not forgetting their role in the Enron mess (albeit under a previous name), I am not sure I agree that working for them reflects a degree of intelligence…

  45. 45
    MacGuffin says:

    His id is spelmanjm.

    He’s been looking for spinach all over t’internets.

    Not really worth the trouble to go to court over, I don’t think. He could have been the next Will Straw, though he would have needed to work on his spelling.

  46. 46
    gulliber says:

    ███ ██ █████████.
    rape of cow-boys
    act of

  47. 47
    ted says:

    Spelman is the cat who dropped prospective Tory candidate Nigel Hastilow for saying “Enoch was right”. She is not only politically totalitarian but personally morally corrupt. The two go together.


  48. 48
    Anonymous says:

    use of anabolics?

  49. 49
    Anonymous says:

    Inter-species outrage is part of the process of evolution.

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    All young people need to be taught that no amount of legal bills will remove something stupid that you have said or done from the internet. People under 18 have some legal protection, but since what young Master Spelman has allegedly done is freely available on the web in a public forum, what is the point?

  51. 51

    He entered his room. the smell of the stale pizzas and the unwashed, unfinished baked beans drifted into his nostrils. Not a bad smell. not unpleasant. in fact. Comforting. Reassuring. Like a good sock.
    He didn’t know why his landlady complained. It was a pleasant odour. She didn’t have to come in here. He knew she never did. the hair across the door and the tiny piece of folded paper wedged in the hinge that he left every time he left informed him that she hadn’t been in. no one had been in.

    In fact no one apart from him had been in this room for a long time. A long, long time.
    he looked at the answerphone. The red blinding light remained unblinking.
    The big red Zero on the missed calls number seemed to mock him. Zero. Nil. Null. Naught. Nothing. Nul.
    He checked his beloved smart phone. No missed calls. not much of a surprise. No one to miss. No one to miss him.

    But Tat wasn’t too upset. This was a familiar routine.

    “I don’t need anyone.” He bravely told the empty, untidy room.
    It was just as well. he didn’t have anyone. Not a work colleague. Not a friend. Not even a neighbour. Not since he’d shouted at Mrs Cooper about playing her music so he could hear it. the silly, deaf old bag. He hated her. He hated her because she had once said ‘hello, you look happy’ too him.
    He’d come out of the bathroom having only gone in to wash his balls and she’d said ‘hello, you look happy’. What an old C#nt! Happy? Did she think he was having a double jerk! Well he wasn’t . Not that time anyway.

    Tat knew his paranoia was bad. Getting worse. Maybe they were drugging his food again? He’s have to check carefully. he only bought tins from the back of the supermarket shelf. that way they couldn’t know he was coming. Sometimes he took from the second from back shelf. That would fool them.

    What to do tonight. he could start on that blog he’d been thinking of writing. he knew it would be tremendous. And so funny and clever. just like him. But his enthusiasm dimmed as soon as he thought a bit harder.
    What could he say? “MRS COOPER IS AN OLD C#NT”. He’d already written that.
    Three times.

    Maybe a bit of trolling would help. He liked trolling. Liked being somebody else. It made him forget he was him. Forget he was Thick as Thieves. If only for a while. He really hated being called thick as thieves too. he’d stopped using that name ages ago. but those fuckers still called him Tat. Sometimes TwaT.

    Tonight I’ll fool them! he thought.
    or maybe he woudn’t bother. Maybe he’d just read one of his Vampire novels or play some World of Warcraft instead. Or maybe he’d look at youporn again.

    So many decisions. So many choices.
    Who needs friends when he had all this to choose from?

  52. 52
    Anonymous says:

    I worked for caroline spelman and found her nice to work for not like some of them. i once asked a tory mp about lost property and thought i was going to the tower to dare to question his word. after expenses scandal you can report the for abusing staff. many of caroline ideas however. like selling our forests were just plain daft and tory dogma. it is sometimes better to weather the storm than make it worse by gagging the press. i have seen children of mps drunk. on drugs and one even an escort girl. for all their comdenation of modern society and traditionl values.

  53. 53
    Anonymous says:

    I just want to say that Caroline is our MP. Undoubtedly she is the most dedicated, most compassionate and most competent MP that Meriden has ever known.

    Best wishes to Caroline, Mark, Eleanor, David and of course Jonny.

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