January 13th, 2012

S&P Give France a Reality Check

Though the economic prospect of a French downgrade is rather scary, the political repercussions are frankly hilarious. Sarkozy is in an election year for one,  and his head of the Banque de France has oeuf all over his face. Back in December a mighty row broke out when Christian Noyer said that Britain’s credit rating should be downgraded before them. It was a typical attempt to try to drag us down with them. Well S&P have spoken.

As Lord Nelson might have said “I see no credit downgrade.”


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    this brings joy to my heart.

    No wonder Shortozy has been sniffing Merkels bum.

  2. 2
    tommy5dollar says:

    Expect announcement by S&P at 8PM GMT

  3. 3
    tats back says:

    says the expert bum and cock sniffer.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    I love Dawkins…but things like this make me wonder….is God there after all ? ;)

  5. 5
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Mais non, c’est merde, merde, merde.

  6. 6
    Tony M says:

    They have borrowed too much and their economy is controlled by the Germans who will act only in the interest of Germany, so S&P’s decision seems perfectly reasonable.

    Any country with a socialist leaning administration should by default have it’s credit rating downgraded – would save lots of economic modelling and surely be an even better indicator of economic prudence.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    And the greek debt wrie off will not be volentary

    Get out of that Merkle

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Dawkins is a shifty little bastard.

  9. 9
    Special Ed says:

    Can’t see it. The French will simply stop recognising S&P as they did when they were ‘erroneously’ downgraded in August.
    They’ll cry foul and stick their heads in the sand.

  10. 10
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Well he is not tall enough to sniff anything else.

  11. 11
    Gordon McBroon big spender and even bigger bender says:

    I could really show the French how to fuck up an economy!

  12. 12
    Special Ed says:

    Umm. No.

  13. 13
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Poor Sarkozy this will make him feel very small.

  14. 14
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Looking for truffles?

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Drop a daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    Scotland is fucked then.

  17. 17
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Don’t be nasty.
    Sarkozy is the best politician in France.

  18. 18
    W.W. says:

    Not whilst Brown has his one good eye, and Blair has both hi legs.


  19. 19
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Sea France. Triple M rated.

  20. 20
    cock spotter says:

    Put it back you dirty fucker.

  21. 21
    Special Ed says:

    That’s what you get if you only work 35 hours a week!

  22. 22
    Special Ed says:

    If Labour were still in power, we’d had been downgraded months ago.

  23. 23
    Special Ed says:

    we’d have.
    screw you autocorrect!!!

  24. 24
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Are you sure that jumped-up little showman is a politician? I thought he was France’s answer to Alex Salmond.

  25. 25
    very 'special' ed says:

    Who the fuck do you think you are, God?

  26. 26
    Special Ed says:

    That might just convince me. I’ll start praying just in case.

  27. 27
    Michael Heseltine says:

    I still say we should have joined the Euro.

  28. 28
    Tony M says:

    Well, they certainly should be by the time we’ve given them the RBS and HBOS debt to deal with – they can’t have the assets (oil) without the Liabilities (banking bailout).

    Alistair Darling was very honest about it pointing out that the UK banking crisis was not made in the City or on Wall Street, it was created in Edinburgh courtesy of RBS.

  29. 29
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Wrong again.

    There’s a bloke who believes in a 100% income tax band (>360k pa), and full planning of the economy. By him. He’s about the “3rd from left” in the spectrum of candidates for president.

  30. 30

    I have – in Carla’s mouth.

  31. 31
    Special Ed says:

    No. There is no god, therefore I cannot be god. Sheesh! It’s not hard!

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    What’s the difference between the French and a tarantula ?
    The spider’s still got its’ 3 A’s

  33. 33
    Ah! Monika says:

    Where can we read you full critique?

  34. 34
    Special Ed says:

    Wow, that would really encourage ambition and help to promote innovation!

  35. 35
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  36. 36
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Err. well how’s about “when a boss sells a company its the workers who should be allowed to buy all the tools”.

  37. 37
    very 'special' ed says:

    That’s a pretty god like thing to say IMHO. You’re just a speck of protoplasm that’s just recently evolved from the primal slime, what the fuck do you know?

  38. 38
    Tessa Tickles says:

    In a universe created by an all-knowing infallible deity, there could be no place for the likes of Blair and Brown. Either there is no God, or He, just like the rest of us, it prone to making some serious fuckups.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Thought he was in hiding from a dwarf throwing contest

  40. 40
    Anonymous says:

    Er, it’s not a critique it’s a fact.

  41. 41
    Ken Clarke says:

    Me too.

  42. 42

    It is a nice question as to whether we should let the Scotch have their referendum now or leave it until when Salmond wants so we can then be sure of ridding ourselves of the fuckers.

  43. 43
    The Last Quango in Paris says:

    Dear Scotland,
    Good luck with the Euro.

  44. 44
    No more boom and bust says:

    Fred Good- forfuckall-win did such a good job, Brown knighted him.

  45. 45
    Tessa Tickles says:

    Alex Salmond is quoted in today’s Times as being adamant that an independent Scotland will not take any of Britain’s debt.

    The colossal fuckups by Scotland’s bankers were all due to Westminster, apparently.

  46. 46
    Infuriated of West Mids says:


  47. 47
    court of public opinion says:

    Tony Blair = c’unt.

  48. 48
    Croque Monsieur says:

    That’s a bit too generous…the average Frenchman finishes pour le weekend at 12 noon Friday and doesn’t return to the office until 12 Noon Monday in time for lunch which lasts about 2 hours usually when everything closes down….much the same for August when the whole of France closes down pour les vacances and they head a la mer

  49. 49
    No more boom and bust says:

    Though on second thoughts I would have knighted him as well namely for

    A) Services to the destruction of the banking industry

    B) Adultery in the workplace

    He excelled in both.

  50. 50
    Cressida's Dick says:

    Richard O’Dwyer loses court battle to prevent extradition to US. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the decision if you were the judge and this fella rolled up in your court wearing a soiled t shirt with Mickey Mouse looking through his legs at you would you be impressed? Personally I’d have driven the bloke to the airport.

    And by the way Shortarzy, you’re fucked.

  51. 51
    Special Ed says:

    Ooh. Them’s fighting words. I’m tutoring my first year astro-phys. students on the origins of the universe tomorrow at 11:00. I’ll send you the notes if you’d like, but I’m not sure you’d understand them. Start with ‘The Physics of Stars’ by A.C. Phillips – Chapter 1 – Big Bang Nucleosynthesis. Should help.

  52. 52
    Tessa Tickles says:

    The only statement anyone wants to read from Tony Blair is the one that ends, “and that is why I have decided to take my own life.”

  53. 53
    jgm2 says:

    Here’s one. How about the unions use all their subscriptions to buy the companies in which they work.

    Then the workers really would own the means of production.

    But they don’t want to do that. They want to spend all their time shit-stirring and second-guessing the management without any of the actual responsibility or consequences of actually being management. Like making the books add up.

    Having brought their unique brand of fuckwittery to the previously state-owned UK manufacturing sector and destroyed that they’ve now turned their imbecile attention to what remains of the state sector.

  54. 54
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Agreed. Brilliant anthropologist, shit philosopher/theologian. The idiot-savant’s idiot-savant.

  55. 55
    Tony M says:

    Of course. The man is living Saint, he never lied to trick the country into a war leading to the deaths of hundreds of thousands, and is in no way benefiting financially from his previous role or working to minimise his tax burden.

    Pace Envoy to the ME – more sick than ironic.

  56. 56
    Dan Hodge's right eye says:

    The French fucks can all fuck off

    Traitors, collaborators, cowards, knaves and cu’nts

  57. 57

    BTW Why were you confusing SC with Paragnostic earlier?

  58. 58
    Special Ed says:

    Very true. And then you have to take into account all the time taken up with moaning about working conditions.

  59. 59
    Raving Loon says:

    Or this is hell and we get what we deserve.

  60. 60
    Tessa Tickles says:

    It’s not big, and it’s not clever.

    (actually, that applies both to both dwarf-throwing AND Nicholas Sarkozy.)

  61. 61
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    That’s a bit heavy for Year 1 students isn’t it? Most of them will be still in the wee-filled shoes and nasty knickers stage.

  62. 62
    Edinburgh bores the arse off me. It is a time wasting shithole. says:

    France is too big for its boots.

  63. 63
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    Don’t laugh too loud – we’re next

  64. 64
    Special Ed says:

    Is there an option d? Please?

  65. 65
    jgm2 says:


    We’ll take their banks and their bank debt. Then we’ll rename the banks, fire every fucker in Scotland, close every fucking branch in Fucking Scotland and relocate to England. Let Salmond pay their dole and housing benefit.

    And if they want to make a withdrawal then they can drive down to Newcastle. Or open a new bank account with the Dunfermline BS or whoever is left solvent in Fucking Scotland.

  66. 66
    Johnny Walker says:

    It’s “Scots”

  67. 67
    jgm2 says:


    We’ll take their banks and their bank debt. Then we’ll rename the banks, fire every fucker in Scotland, close every fucking branch in Fucking Scotland and relocate to England. Let Salmond pay their dole and housing benefit.

    And if they want to make a withdrawal then they can dr*i*ve down to Newcastle. Or open a new bank account with the Dunfermline BS or whoever is left solvent in Fucking Scotland.

  68. 68
    Norfolk's Finest says:

    Up yours Froggy!

  69. 69
    very 'special' ed says:

    Look mate, you could say that the sun didn’t come up today, but who really gives a fuck? When it comes down to it, Big Bang Theory is no better at explaining the origins of the universe than Genesis with equations, you dumb twat.

  70. 70
    Special Ed says:

    It’s a tough old world. Most of them will have moved over to art history by next year anyway. Don’t worry, we save the heavy maths for later…

  71. 71
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    When God designed us, She factored in free will. B & B want to be as they are, we just have to live with the consequences of their actions. If Labour hadn’t been so desperate for power, and we’ed been more discerning in 1997, it wouldn’t have happened.

  72. 72
    Knickerless Tsar Cozy says:

    Chier mes amis, à mon cou dans la merde.

  73. 73
    Special Ed says:

    This conversation is clearly over. Thanks though, it was fun. I particularly enjoyed your extensive vocabulary.

  74. 74

    There are 52 million of us who say Scotch down here.

    How many of you are there?

  75. 75
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    All true, but 17 is still correct.

  76. 76
    Nonanimouse says:

    And 30 days a year paid striking.

  77. 77
    Well, It's Friday Afternoon, What Do You Expect? says:

    This one would have been a better use of young Master Muntz:

  78. 78
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Not to mention all the wasted time spent speculating about whether a table, window or fucking door-knob is masculine or feminine.

    Loons, the lot of ‘em.

  79. 79
    French resident says:


    Good point about the Banque de France

    But this is an utter condemnation of the whole dirigiste French technostructure….
    and they did not even see it coming despite deficit financing for 30 years !

    It is also a condemnation of socialism in all its forms…

    That being said, the UK the fuckwitted Blair Brown Mandelson Ponzi scheme
    managed to run up the same deficitis in 13 years which it took the French to do in 30 years…

    and thereby ruin Britain’s finances

    It is only a matter of time before the UK gets the same treatment…

  80. 80
    I'm no sharlittan just a foo-kin k-u-n-t says:

    ‘unpaid pro bono work in the Middle East’

    U2 Blair?

  81. 81
    Baroness Thatcher says:

    My single greatest regret in government is I never twatted the pair of you.

  82. 82
    Sally Bercow says:

    Dwarf tossing?

    That’s my job!

  83. 83
    God's Holy Trousers says:

    Yes like Sea France. French jobs for French workers. Ho, ho, ho.

  84. 84
    a god says:

    Piss off back to the primal soup where you belong, upstart.

  85. 85
    misterned says:

    So you cannot defend the big-bang theory then?

  86. 86
    Grumpy Old Man says:


  87. 87
    Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:

    first crack in the edifice…EU collapse will give excuse for the Germans to undertake thier 4th Reich plans via economic rather than military means. Resist.

  88. 88
    Nicholas Sarkozy says:

    ‘Ello, eez zat Ocean Finance?

  89. 89
    A Confucian says:

    It all goes to show

    If all you Europeans ate, drank and consumed half of what you do at the moment

    You would all be healthier, weallthier, wiser and happier than you now are

    Just a deep thought on a Friday evening

    PS A Chinese Minister said yesterday
    “It is astonishing that European leaders let themselves get into this situation”

  90. 90
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Please close the door as you leave the room :)

  91. 91

    Is that why she is Bruni?

  92. 92
    Anonymous says:

    if we ignore the record number of single mums, those on benefits, and per capita prison population, plus those that are just pissed or stoned, not a lot.

  93. 93
    Madoff Mandelson says:


    eez Mandy ere

    Can lend you buckets of francs at 30% per yir

    I av a private bank now

  94. 94
    Splooge says:


  95. 95
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Self evidetly,

    A table is feminine because it gets laid.
    A window is feminine because you can easily see through it.
    A f*cking door-knob is masculine for obvious reasons.

  96. 96
    Anonymous says:

    How the hell do you downgrade the French ?

  97. 97
    Moral Collapse Blair says:

    Of course

    I am in the charity business you know

    That is why I take a large cut on all I, do


  98. 98
    A female MP says:

    WIll Chris Bryant allow normal people into the Strangers Bar now?

    Usually gays object to normal people coming into their bars

    Especially women on girlies evenings…!!

  99. 99
    Sad Sack of Shite says:

    Hopefully, the tragedy that befell this undeserving bloke will be visited on Sarcoma:


    Postscript– I got this from Billy Bowden’s @Ontablets Twitter feed; how pathetic am I?

  100. 100
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:


  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    I knew it was shit the moment I sent it….
    I can only apologise and I promise to just lurk from now on ;)

  102. 102
    jgm2 says:

    “It is astonishing that Europe*an leaders let themselves get into this situation”

    Indeed. But the problem you have is that half the electorate is less intelligent than average. And lets be honest – average is pretty fucking stupid too. So if you’re a politician and interested in strutting about with all the power and prestige that involves you have two choices. You can waste time coming up with complicated arguments and policies and pledging to be careful with the nation’s economic well-being.

    Or you can promise stupid people lots of free stuff. Paid for by them over there. The ‘rich’ because they can afford it and it’s only right and fair that we take money off them and give it to you. Because you deserve it. Vote Labour/socialist.

    And that’s how Europe*an leaders let themselves get into this situation. It became a competition to promise more free stuff to stupid people. And when the ‘rich’ could be fleeced no longer they paid for all the free stuff with borrowed money.

    This is the position Fucking Scotland now finds itself in. It’s in a race to bank*ru*p*cy between Labour and the SNP to promise more free stuff in order to gain re-election.

  103. 103
    Special Ed says:

    Yes, but then you’d have to feel sorry for the people of Newcastle on a Friday night!

  104. 104
    Reuters correspondent says:

    The last time I saw Y fronts,

    He came dancing…

  105. 105
    jgm2 says:

    Easily see through a woman?

    That’ll be a first.

    Men are from Mars. Women are INSANE!

  106. 106
    Special Ed says:

    Oh dear. It took me three reads to get it. Roll on weekend.

  107. 107

    Yes. I will miss Scotland … as I would miss my arsehole should it ever heal up.

  108. 108
    Ah! Monika says:

    If all the French banned themselves to St. Helena, they could use GBP again. Simps

  109. 109
    Hollywood Mogul says:

    There’s no business like the charity business

    I make billions off it…

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    First clear-sighted thought in this chain of speculation among some of the more deluded of the currently dominant species of parasite on the third rock from an insignificant sun which God forgot about long ago. In fact I doubt he even noticed that he had created it while he was thinking of ways of occupying the rival gangs of unemployed angels and demons who were making such a racket in Heaven.

  111. 111
    I don't need no doctor says:

    He is still, and always will be a war criminal and liar.

  112. 112
    Melvin Finster says:

    “As Lord Nelson might have said “I see no credit downgrade.””

    Oh no he didn’t, he said “Zere is no ‘arm in it”!

  113. 113
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    yes but look who he has chosen to be F*****D by

  114. 114
    Your Friendly Neighbourhood Telly Critic says:

    Umm, so-so sitcom, at best. No, I can’t defend it. Who watches it anyway?

  115. 115
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    All the more reason to have a fucking good laugh at them now!

  116. 116
    Anonymous says:

    I think it was called Clydeside Shipbuilders.

    Or am I mixing it up with the Co-op

    Or the John Lewis Partnership

  117. 117
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Does Bryant use the back passage to get into the Strangers Bar? He really is a loud mouthed twat, hiding behind the “I’m a gay set”, so fucking what, you are just another labour sponger.

  118. 118
    Special Ed says:

    You are Phillip Pullman and I claim my five pounds.

  119. 119
    Rat's arse says:

    +ever so many. Well said.

  120. 120
    I don't need no doctor says:

    France is a beautifully diverse country. Only one problem though!

  121. 121
    tardkiller says:

    In-the-Seine shurley

  122. 122
    Constipated says:

    Has the AA been downgraded yet?

  123. 123
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yes, they should follow the dietary habits of our Scottish friends, deep fried Mars bars swilled down with Buckie cocktails. Izz thart yew mary dholl?

  124. 124
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Yes, it’s the AB now.

  125. 125
    Phil Collins says:

    @Very special special…That’s why Genesis had to split up. We had no equations.

  126. 126
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Tony Blair SPAD to the stupidly rich.

  127. 127
    Jeremy Clarkson says:

    Genesis! Phwoar!

  128. 128
    Constipated says:

    Well at least Blockbusters has been upgraded to Blackbusters.

  129. 129
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Context! best regards Diane Abbott.

  130. 130
    Constipated says:

    Time for a good fisting!

  131. 131
    Lord of the Manor says:

    Is S & P some sort of sexual deviation? By Jove, I must try some

  132. 132
    Constipated says:

    Sbrkozy doesn’t have the same ring to it.

  133. 133
    Constipated says:

    Me too but my bum’s blocked up.

  134. 134
    SDLP says:

    We’d still join

  135. 135
    AAA rating guaranteed says:

  136. 136
    downgrade? says:

    I’ve just gone up a notch

  137. 137
    just another day in paradise says:

    There is a god = There is no god – two sides of the same inane coin.

  138. 138
    Expat Geordie says:

    Giving Man free will? That’s like giving a toddler a Kalashnikov.

  139. 139
    Dominique Strauss-Kahn says:

    Eey em needeng ze cling-film fer may keeyboard

  140. 140
    P. W. Botha says:

    Ve should bust a few more blicks

  141. 141
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Don’t forget Bank of Scotland which dragged down Halifax and Lloyds.

    Interestingly none of the shit banks or building societies were from the City – RBS, HBOS, Northern Rock, Alliance & Leicester, Bradford and Bingley.

    Another subsidy from London and the SE to Labour heartlands.

  142. 142
    Expat Geordie says:

    UK’s national debt in 1997 = £350bn.
    Scotland’s share of the population is 8% therefore Scotland’s share of the pre-1997 debt = £28bn.
    Current national debt after 13 years of a Scottish run UK government = £1400bn.
    So Scotland’s share of the debt is £1050bn plus £28bn = £1078bn, or £1.078 trillion!!!
    Are they sure that they want to be independent? Then again, given the chance to offload £1.1 trillion of debt, do we want them to stay?

  143. 143
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Dunfermline Building Society went tits up as well and had to be bailed out by Nationwide Anglia.

    Also if fat Alec wants England to maintain responsibility for the RBS the Scottish headquarters should be closed and moved to England. Pay minimum redundancy and have done with it.

  144. 144
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Fort you was shit-ot at maffs, like wot i dun at Imperial

  145. 145
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Laughed – laughed?
    I fair pissed myself!

  146. 146
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    She’s fit.

  147. 147
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    All Blacks is unfortunate! (In a heavy Yaapie accent)

  148. 148
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    AB negative: a rare group!

  149. 149
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Too true, cobber.

  150. 150
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    France = First. Tough tittie Billy B.

  151. 151
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    That’ll leave their arses in the air, ready for the first thrust.

  152. 152
    Nothing better to do. says:

    As I recall Scotland only joined the union in the first place because it’s economy was a wreck. It just wanted the English to pay for it’s mistakes which has become rather monotonous now. It’s the English that should get a vote on Scotland remaining in the UK.

  153. 153
    Constipated says:

    Had to downgrade the cleanliness rating of my boxers.

  154. 154
    Sparticus says:

    this is too fucking good

    can we expect the BBC’s chief economic apologist Gavin Esler to ask the establishment why it still insists Britain must be handcuffed to the corps of Europe?

    No, I thought not

  155. 155
    The Red Pederast says:

    Yum, yum I’m off to France.

  156. 156
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    Obviously no longer infuriated.

  157. 157
    Goosestepping Ed says:

    Yvette, get yer Panzers down. Today Austria and France, tomorrow the world.

  158. 158
    Fatzulu says:

    We have always been, are and God willing always will be detested by the French – Duke of Wellington. As true today as then!

  159. 159
    Boo Font Hare Do says:

    That’s very sarky of you to say that…

  160. 160
    Boo Font Hare Do says:

    Me, you really need to get out more if that’s what you think. The Yanks are way ahead of the Brits in the stuff your face race.

  161. 161
    Boo Font Hare Do says:

    You have to be very careful in NZ. Did she say ‘six’ or ‘sex’ ? Yis indeed.

  162. 162
    Boo Font Hare Do says:

    Spit and Polish. Speeks for itself.

  163. 163
    Boo Font Hare Do says:

    You should get some French poodles. They are self-cleaning.

  164. 164
    Spelczek says:

    “corpse’ please sunny Jim.

  165. 165
    Les Frogs says:

    Plus ca change etc..

  166. 166
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Strictly, I hope!

  167. 167
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    You can’t polish a turd – apparently.

  168. 168
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    Esler – my life already, oy veh.

  169. 169
    I can't be arsed to think up a new pseudonym says:

    …….and we reciprocate heartily.

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