January 10th, 2012

Deckchair Movements

This morning’s Today appearance was the first outing for Ed, apart from “Blackbusters”, since Dec 29. Despite the SNP pushing Labour into fourth place yesterday in terms of party profile, the new plan to keep Ed below the surface, only to be deployed at key strategic moments, is being stuck to. Labour sources compare it to the role that Osborne played in opposition. As Ed surfaces today, it’s worth looking at some of the tweaks being made below the waterline.

Former ITV chief Charles Allen, who recommended hiring Tim Livesey for the job of Ed’s Chief of Staff, is still trying to streamline the Labour operation in readiness for the arrival of six new Executive Directors. The jobs are currently being advertised, but word is they are filling up fast. Current press spinner Bob Roberts is likely to be going to Labour HQ, most probably in the Comms Director role. All agree that this is a promotion, though Guido wonders why you would want your main spinner based in a different office from your leader? Greg Beales is said to be mulling over whether to take the Policy and Rebuttal role that Guido mentioned yesterday, though apparently he is wary of leaving his master’s side. Though Labour HQ will be moving closer to parliament, a big shift away from the Leader of the Opposition’s suite is still happening.

While some people talk of a “refocus” for him, other speculate that Tom Baldwin is the loser of this reorganisation. One source even suggested Tom had lost a up to a third of his responsibilities, leaving him only with weekly key messages and strategic lines to take.

Lower down the ranks, the extraordinarily high turnover of demoralised political advisers leaving for jobs outside politics is rather telling…

UPDATE: Well we know what Tom’s first line was this morning:


  1. 1
    Tony M says:

    Ed’s performance could be a mortal blow for his leadership. Bad news for the Tories?

  2. 2
    SatNav Dave says:

    Yes, yes, but can we bomb I ran now?

  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Miliband is a fucking loser.

  4. 4

    I think the Lusitania sank faster than the Titanic.

  5. 5
    Mrs Brown says:

    Bad news for the Tories? What king of a fucking wanker thinks any of these fuckers gives a fucking fuck about the fucking ordinary people, you fucking thick c’unt?

  6. 6
    Eddie Izzard says:

    You’re crap. I’m dead funny.

  7. 7
    Tatspotting says:


  8. 8
    Lulu says:

    The boat that i row.

  9. 9
    Jeremy Clarkson says:

    No! No! Me! Look at me!

  10. 10
    Spartacus says:

    . . . and if the guardian published it, they would get a pulitzer prize . . .

  11. 11
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    Ed’s had a gruyerelling time as Labour leader. You cheddar believe it. And yet David Camembert mocks him. How dairy?! Ed needs to just brie himself.

  12. 12

    Between them, they have all the depth of a bunga-bunga party.

  13. 13
    Lines to take says:

    Ba-dum tish!

  14. 14
    malone says:

    Two suicide attempts live on air two days in consecutive days. Bit like London buses.

  15. 15
    Andrew Efiong says:

    The relaunch is sinking within hours. Even his own advisers are heading for the exit, they can’t afford to have their careers linked to this man.

  16. 16
    Anonymous says:

    I’ll go with you Jeremy ‘cos Izzard is a fat, socialist twat.

  17. 17
    Steve Miliband says:

    His shadow Cabernet must be cheesed off with his Blanc expressions.

  18. 18
    Les Dawson says:

    I’m dead. But when alive I was funny. You’re neither dead or funny.

  19. 19
    The General Public says:

    Miliband’s re-launch speech has been leaked to various places – it was in Metro this morning.

    One of the geniuses in the Labour entourage has decided that having Miliband tell Cameron to “Bring it on!” is like, going to totally shift public opinion in Ed’s favour.

    I really can’t wait to hear Miliband saying “Bring it on!” in his funny voice, it’s going to be priceless.

    (Incidentally, wasn’t the last person to use that phrase in a keynote speech George W Bush – who subsequently said he always regretted saying it? I’m pretty sure the same is going to happen here.)

  20. 20
  21. 21
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I am the shit that faced a thousand launches.

  22. 22
    We're scared of Ed says:

    People! What are you doing?! Don’t you want Ed to remain Labour leader? At this rate the party will replace him. We have to say loudly and clearly that Ed was great on Today and that we’re absolutely terrified of the threat he poses. Then Labour will keep him all the way to the next election and their biggest defeat in history.

  23. 23
    Tom Badwind says:

    Done that.

  24. 24
    EdButLookSoWhatBalls says:

    retardED rather gave the game away…

    1. He prepares his party and the country for a 2015 Deficit Inheritance without explainingor apologising that it is ‘Their Deficit’ from ‘New Liebour’ years.

    2. He cannot SPEND more like he would want to because of the deficit. Liebour twats still have this obsession with spending OUR money in their DNA.

  25. 25
    Even Larry's taking the piss out of the identikit Labour tweets says:

  26. 26
    nellnewman says:

    militwit’s relaunch day! How exciting!

    So has he relaunched himself yet? And anybody know what he’s relaunching himself as?

  27. 27
    NO Chucka - this is Very Strong says:

  28. 28
    Mrs. Ball-Scooper ( triple flipper ) says:

    They say, ‘Don’t shoot the messenger’, but I’ve got him lined up in my sights.

  29. 29
    Twitter says:


  30. 30
    Xenophon says:

    So we can add to the long list of things Peter Hain can’t do, the ability to spell John Humphry’s name correctly.

  31. 31
    Running away from Gordon? says:

  32. 32
    Colonel Blimp says:

    Your future Prime Minister you old bint.

    Now get down on your knees and pay homage to Ed.

  33. 33
    Strong and assured says:

  34. 34
    Loungelizard says:

    Releasing photos of Militwit stripped to the waist as he spurs a rocking horse through a paddling pool in a North London garden or standing in a shrubbery decked out in combat fatigues clutching a cap pistol wasn’t one of Baldwin’s better ideas. It might work for Putin but Ed is no man of steel.

  35. 35
    Perse O'Nally says:

    No, no, no, you’d be funny dead!

  36. 36
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    I’m off to Tesco. Anyone want anything while I’m there?

  37. 37
    Because you're worth it says:

    Labour would be making a mistake in trying to change him.

    Gordon Brown’s luck changed for the worse when he tried to smile.

    He would be better off trying to do a “buy one – get one free” with his brother.

    He seems like an honest bloke.

  38. 38
    Bert Berlusconi says:

    If you canta taka the heat getta outa the fanny.

  39. 39
    Eskimos in the north Atlantic says:

    Unfortunately where ever we push the iceberg the the prick keeps steering towards it

  40. 40
    The General Public says:

    Craig Brown’s spoof of her in Private Eye ended every single diary entry with “……which was lovely.” The problem with Sarah is, she’s almost beyond parody.

  41. 41
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    If you don’t like spending tax-payers money on narcissistic pastimes, why do it? Anyway, don’t you get enough exercise dodging nokias and lugging suit cases from Kirkaldy to Canterbury?

  42. 42
    nellnewman says:


    the next PM??!! militwit??!!

    There’s more likelihood of me training as an astronaut and taking Endeavour into outer space.

  43. 43
    David Marxs beastly brother says:

    Maybe they should should just smack a bottle of Lambrusco on his head and then throw him in the Tyne?

    Ed was the kid that you you threw in the river during cross country runs then flushed his head down the bogs during showers
    What an utter t*** this person is
    Thith person

  44. 44
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    “Labour sources compared it to the role that Osbourne played in Opposition.” Osbourne was not the Party leader. Are RedEd’s handlers declaring defeat already?

  45. 45
    nellnewman says:

    So these are militwit’s bywords for 2012 then ?

    man of steel and grit

    very strong and assured performance

    Oh well time to go off and bake bread. I’ll look for another dose of militwit the comedian around lunchtime.

  46. 46
    David Marxs beastly brother says:

    6 months community service tony and a nice bit of monkfish in pancetta

  47. 47
    David Marxs beastly brother says:

    I am Ed marx’s Beastly brother
    Its hard to pry or indeed tell us apart

  48. 48
    mad bint next door says:

    Just a bit of cheese and a bottle of plonk. Cheers

  49. 49
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Another ‘tour de force’ from DeadEd this morning – barely articulate, devoid of substance, whining and needy. The man is deluded if he actually entertains the belief (however fleeting) that either he or his party will ever be trusted to run the economy in five years time.

  50. 50
    Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

    If this re-launch is unsuccessful, I’ve kept your old job of photocopying my expenses and making my coffee open for you.

  51. 51
    Spank Sinatra says:

    I believe they have some formal cautions on aisle five (wines) and others to be had at the deli section.

  52. 52
    bergen says:

    Fruit cake but not stollen.

  53. 53
    M says:

    I think Eds policies are sound and will be taken seriously by all because they carry depth and gravitas not shown in any other leadership . For instance the policy where Ed leans across that big desk every wednesday and says “boo tory’s boo” and lest we forget his flagship policy of
    “boo tory’s boo with knobs on” genius

  54. 54
    himindoors says:

    On the R4 interview this morning, under pressure, the two priorities he actually got close to quantifying were raising the winter fuel allowance (twice) and then taking £3K off the maximum university tuition fees.
    I realise that he’s not going to dangle his family jewels on the radio before a big bang announcement, but if that’s his best shots then we are heading for a big whimper.
    My advice to Ed – three simple words:

    Just Say Sorry.

  55. 55
    Ed Balls says:

    Shut the fuck up you stupid Hunt!

    No, I don’t have Tourettes. It’s just what I always say to Ed Miliband.

  56. 56
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    I’m really cheesed off.

  57. 57
    Ed Tourette says:

    titty fuck!!!!

  58. 58
    Edukayshn says:

    Well, you’ve got it wrong yourself, haven’t you? He’s John Humphrys, and his name is John Humphrys’s name.

    Bloody comprehensive school morons…

  59. 59
    Slotgob says:

    Anything that’s going free. Ta !

  60. 60
    Mrs. Ball-Scooper ( triple flipper ) says:

    Dream on !

  61. 61
    Armchair Critic says:

    But John Humphrys at his all-time worst. He too is well past his sell-by date and deserves to sink along with Red Ed. The observation that we had just been listening to ‘Jedward’ was spot on. Come on BBC and do the decent thing to the old dinosaur.

  62. 62
    Smoked Salmon says:

    I want a referendum NOW …….
    Err, well, when it suits me..
    2122 will be fine…
    Then agin..

  63. 63
    David Marxs beastly brother says:

    Stop wineing

  64. 64
    Ed Tourette says:

    I was talking to Bevanite Ellie ….c*un*t bollox, knackers,!!

  65. 65
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    We’ve still got our ‘Deficit Denial’, our ‘ Takth & Thpend’ and our Five Point Plan for Jobs & Growth’ jokes which we can tell again.

    They always get a laugh from the Country.

  66. 66
    Red Ed Relaunch Department says:

    Some relish for Ed.

  67. 67
    Schrodingers Ed says:

    Eds leadership is currently in an undetermined state, neither alive nor dead.

  68. 68
    Red Ed Relaunch Department says:

    Don’t forget ‘relish’.

  69. 69
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I think they were comparing me to Ozzy Osbourne.

  70. 70
    Rocket Man says:


  71. 71
    Wun Lung says:

    Osbourne? Any relation to Osborne? The names are strangely similar…

  72. 72
    Red Ed Relaunch Department says:

    Would you like some Red Ed relish with that?

  73. 73
    Crank says:

    “John Humphrys’ name”, surely…?

  74. 74
    Ko-Ko says:

    I have a little list.

  75. 75
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    Just saw John Woodcock on tv giving Labour view of high speed link. Brilliant strategy by Ned – appoint shadow ministers so incoherent and grey that even Ned looks like Churchill.

  76. 76
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    We really should put this to bed. If fat boy had tourettes the twitches would have flattened half the labour benches by now. He is just an objectionable little (ok – massively fat) shit.

  77. 77

    Take it that needy was intended to be nerdy, Spank?

    Can’t imagine Ned as being in want of a bob or two…

  78. 78
    A Bloke Of A Certain Age says:

    What is the difference between Kim Jong-un and Ed Milliband ?

    One is a geek brought up in an environment of extreme socialism who looks the type who was bullied at school for being such a weirdo and who on getting his hands on the levers of power will wreck his revenge on everyone who used to laugh at him with utter ruthlessness before running the country into the ground.

    The other is the new leader of North Korea

  79. 79
    Joss Taskin says:

    Churchill the nodding dog from the insurance company adverts ?

  80. 80
    Centre Parting says:

    What kind of organisation would employ anyone who had worked for the Labour Party ?

    Only some other leftist tent full of crap.

  81. 81
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    The difference is clear. Osborne prefers dodgy girlfriends and coke. Osbourne prefers dodgy grannies and heroin.

  82. 82
    Selohesra says:

    Very strong & assured performance by my bowels a few minutes ago – I’d give it 5 mins to settle down before anyone else goes in there

  83. 83
    Pawn Sandwich says:

    How do these people keep getting access to public money?

  84. 84
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    I suggest you do not use that phrase around Portllo, Lilley, Fox etc. The dear boys may misunderstand the request.

  85. 85
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    (: lol

  86. 86
    Engineer says:

    If someone turned up looking for a job with your firm, and had “Political Advisor to the Labour Party” splashed all over their CV, would you employ them? The buggers hate the profit motive for a start – except their own, of course.

  87. 87
    Engineer says:


  88. 88
    Engineer says:

    Oops – sorry.

    Note to self – read comments before posting.

  89. 89
    Ed Marxs beastly brother says:


    Kim Jong Un (the youngun) has far more Charisma Than my treacherous brother even if he did stiff his older more talented brother to seize the crown *gnashes teeth*

  90. 90
    Ed Marxs beastly brother says:

    Gordon Ramsey has just been arrested for rape

    50k for a round of drinks

  91. 91
    Gotcha! says:

    I am now more than ever convinced that YOU are the fat blimp Guido referred to a few days ago in a recent posting.

  92. 92
    Gotcha!Phwooarr! says:

    You should keep a box of matches in the bog and strike one when you have finished ‘performing’. Instaneous removal of stinky poos. Guaranteed.

  93. 93
    Gotcha!Phwooarr! says:

    * instantaneous

  94. 94
    Gotcha! says:

    I don’t think that sort of nonsense works any more for Vlad either actually.

  95. 95
    Gotcha! says:

    Do they do steal girders these days?

  96. 96
    Ms Munnypinny says:

    The Secret Service is still clearly in good hands.

  97. 97
    Lord High Chopper Carrier says:

    Port or starboard?

  98. 98
    Thin Controller says:

    Wood(en)cock – Wood(en)head ?

    Same difference really.

  99. 99
    kim jong un's cat says:


  100. 100
    Harriet says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  101. 101
    Hazel says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  102. 102
    Wee Doucie says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  103. 103
    Yvette and Eddie says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  104. 104
    Diane says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliblack against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  105. 105
    Uncle Tom Cobley and all says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  106. 106
    Do I tweet this now or wait for the say-so, askes the entire set of Labour MP's says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  107. 107
    The rest of the world says:

    V weak and unconfident performance by @Ed_Milipede against Humphreys @BBCr4today

  108. 108
    Peter Grimes says:

    I would imagine that today’s tractor production statistics are ‘strong and assured’ too!

    All together now comrades ……………..

  109. 109
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    You can’t polish a turd.

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