January 10th, 2012

Deckchair Movements

This morning’s Today appearance was the first outing for Ed, apart from “Blackbusters”, since Dec 29. Despite the SNP pushing Labour into fourth place yesterday in terms of party profile, the new plan to keep Ed below the surface, only to be deployed at key strategic moments, is being stuck to. Labour sources compare it to the role that Osborne played in opposition. As Ed surfaces today, it’s worth looking at some of the tweaks being made below the waterline.

Former ITV chief Charles Allen, who recommended hiring Tim Livesey for the job of Ed’s Chief of Staff, is still trying to streamline the Labour operation in readiness for the arrival of six new Executive Directors. The jobs are currently being advertised, but word is they are filling up fast. Current press spinner Bob Roberts is likely to be going to Labour HQ, most probably in the Comms Director role. All agree that this is a promotion, though Guido wonders why you would want your main spinner based in a different office from your leader? Greg Beales is said to be mulling over whether to take the Policy and Rebuttal role that Guido mentioned yesterday, though apparently he is wary of leaving his master’s side. Though Labour HQ will be moving closer to parliament, a big shift away from the Leader of the Opposition’s suite is still happening.

While some people talk of a “refocus” for him, other speculate that Tom Baldwin is the loser of this reorganisation. One source even suggested Tom had lost a up to a third of his responsibilities, leaving him only with weekly key messages and strategic lines to take.

Lower down the ranks, the extraordinarily high turnover of demoralised political advisers leaving for jobs outside politics is rather telling…

UPDATE: Well we know what Tom’s first line was this morning:


  1. 1
    Tony M says:

    Ed’s performance could be a mortal blow for his leadership. Bad news for the Tories?


  2. 2
    SatNav Dave says:

    Yes, yes, but can we bomb I ran now?


  3. 3
    Steve Miliband says:

    Miliband is a fucking loser.


  4. 10
    Spartacus says:

    . . . and if the guardian published it, they would get a pulitzer prize . . .


  5. 11
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    Ed’s had a gruyerelling time as Labour leader. You cheddar believe it. And yet David Camembert mocks him. How dairy?! Ed needs to just brie himself.


  6. 12

    Between them, they have all the depth of a bunga-bunga party.


  7. 13
    Lines to take says:

    Ba-dum tish!


  8. 14
    malone says:

    Two suicide attempts live on air two days in consecutive days. Bit like London buses.


  9. 15
    Andrew Efiong says:

    The relaunch is sinking within hours. Even his own advisers are heading for the exit, they can’t afford to have their careers linked to this man.


  10. 18
    Les Dawson says:

    I’m dead. But when alive I was funny. You’re neither dead or funny.


  11. 19
    The General Public says:

    Miliband’s re-launch speech has been leaked to various places – it was in Metro this morning.

    One of the geniuses in the Labour entourage has decided that having Miliband tell Cameron to “Bring it on!” is like, going to totally shift public opinion in Ed’s favour.

    I really can’t wait to hear Miliband saying “Bring it on!” in his funny voice, it’s going to be priceless.

    (Incidentally, wasn’t the last person to use that phrase in a keynote speech George W Bush – who subsequently said he always regretted saying it? I’m pretty sure the same is going to happen here.)


  12. 21
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I am the shit that faced a thousand launches.


  13. 22
    We're scared of Ed says:

    People! What are you doing?! Don’t you want Ed to remain Labour leader? At this rate the party will replace him. We have to say loudly and clearly that Ed was great on Today and that we’re absolutely terrified of the threat he poses. Then Labour will keep him all the way to the next election and their biggest defeat in history.


    • 39
      Eskimos in the north Atlantic says:

      Unfortunately where ever we push the iceberg the the prick keeps steering towards it


  14. 24
    EdButLookSoWhatBalls says:

    retardED rather gave the game away…

    1. He prepares his party and the country for a 2015 Deficit Inheritance without explainingor apologising that it is ‘Their Deficit’ from ‘New Liebour’ years.

    2. He cannot SPEND more like he would want to because of the deficit. Liebour twats still have this obsession with spending OUR money in their DNA.


  15. 25
    Even Larry's taking the piss out of the identikit Labour tweets says:


  16. 26
    nellnewman says:

    militwit’s relaunch day! How exciting!

    So has he relaunched himself yet? And anybody know what he’s relaunching himself as?


  17. 27
    NO Chucka - this is Very Strong says:


  18. 28
    Mrs. Ball-Scooper ( triple flipper ) says:

    They say, ‘Don’t shoot the messenger’, but I’ve got him lined up in my sights.


  19. 30
    Xenophon says:

    So we can add to the long list of things Peter Hain can’t do, the ability to spell John Humphry’s name correctly.


  20. 31
    Running away from Gordon? says:


    • 40
      The General Public says:

      Craig Brown’s spoof of her in Private Eye ended every single diary entry with “……which was lovely.” The problem with Sarah is, she’s almost beyond parody.


    • 41
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      If you don’t like spending tax-payers money on narcissistic pastimes, why do it? Anyway, don’t you get enough exercise dodging nokias and lugging suit cases from Kirkaldy to Canterbury?


  21. 33
    Strong and assured says:


    • 82
      Selohesra says:

      Very strong & assured performance by my bowels a few minutes ago – I’d give it 5 mins to settle down before anyone else goes in there


  22. 34
    Loungelizard says:

    Releasing photos of Militwit stripped to the waist as he spurs a rocking horse through a paddling pool in a North London garden or standing in a shrubbery decked out in combat fatigues clutching a cap pistol wasn’t one of Baldwin’s better ideas. It might work for Putin but Ed is no man of steel.


  23. 36
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    I’m off to Tesco. Anyone want anything while I’m there?


  24. 43
    David Marxs beastly brother says:

    Maybe they should should just smack a bottle of Lambrusco on his head and then throw him in the Tyne?

    Ed was the kid that you you threw in the river during cross country runs then flushed his head down the bogs during showers
    What an utter t*** this person is
    Thith person


  25. 44
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    “Labour sources compared it to the role that Osbourne played in Opposition.” Osbourne was not the Party leader. Are RedEd’s handlers declaring defeat already?


  26. 45
    nellnewman says:

    So these are militwit’s bywords for 2012 then ?

    man of steel and grit

    very strong and assured performance

    Oh well time to go off and bake bread. I’ll look for another dose of militwit the comedian around lunchtime.


  27. 49
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Another ‘tour de force’ from DeadEd this morning – barely articulate, devoid of substance, whining and needy. The man is deluded if he actually entertains the belief (however fleeting) that either he or his party will ever be trusted to run the economy in five years time.


    • 61
      Armchair Critic says:

      But John Humphrys at his all-time worst. He too is well past his sell-by date and deserves to sink along with Red Ed. The observation that we had just been listening to ‘Jedward’ was spot on. Come on BBC and do the decent thing to the old dinosaur.


    • 77

      Take it that needy was intended to be nerdy, Spank?

      Can’t imagine Ned as being in want of a bob or two…


  28. 50
    Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

    If this re-launch is unsuccessful, I’ve kept your old job of photocopying my expenses and making my coffee open for you.


  29. 53
    M says:

    I think Eds policies are sound and will be taken seriously by all because they carry depth and gravitas not shown in any other leadership . For instance the policy where Ed leans across that big desk every wednesday and says “boo tory’s boo” and lest we forget his flagship policy of
    “boo tory’s boo with knobs on” genius


    • 65
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      We’ve still got our ‘Deficit Denial’, our ‘ Takth & Thpend’ and our Five Point Plan for Jobs & Growth’ jokes which we can tell again.

      They always get a laugh from the Country.


    • 96
      Ms Munnypinny says:

      The Secret Service is still clearly in good hands.


  30. 54
    himindoors says:

    On the R4 interview this morning, under pressure, the two priorities he actually got close to quantifying were raising the winter fuel allowance (twice) and then taking £3K off the maximum university tuition fees.
    I realise that he’s not going to dangle his family jewels on the radio before a big bang announcement, but if that’s his best shots then we are heading for a big whimper.
    My advice to Ed – three simple words:

    Just Say Sorry.


  31. 55
    Ed Balls says:

    Shut the fuck up you stupid Hunt!

    No, I don’t have Tourettes. It’s just what I always say to Ed Miliband.


    • 76
      Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

      We really should put this to bed. If fat boy had tourettes the twitches would have flattened half the labour benches by now. He is just an objectionable little (ok – massively fat) shit.


  32. 56
    Antony Worrall Thompson says:

    I’m really cheesed off.


  33. 57
    Ed Tourette says:

    titty fuck!!!!


  34. 62
    Smoked Salmon says:

    I want a referendum NOW …….
    Err, well, when it suits me..
    2122 will be fine…
    Then agin..


  35. 74
    Ko-Ko says:

    I have a little list.


  36. 75
    Tristram Smallbore-Ffipps MP says:

    Just saw John Woodcock on tv giving Labour view of high speed link. Brilliant strategy by Ned – appoint shadow ministers so incoherent and grey that even Ned looks like Churchill.


  37. 78
    A Bloke Of A Certain Age says:

    What is the difference between Kim Jong-un and Ed Milliband ?

    One is a geek brought up in an environment of extreme socialism who looks the type who was bullied at school for being such a weirdo and who on getting his hands on the levers of power will wreck his revenge on everyone who used to laugh at him with utter ruthlessness before running the country into the ground.

    The other is the new leader of North Korea


    • 89
      Ed Marxs beastly brother says:


      Kim Jong Un (the youngun) has far more Charisma Than my treacherous brother even if he did stiff his older more talented brother to seize the crown *gnashes teeth*


  38. 80
    Centre Parting says:

    What kind of organisation would employ anyone who had worked for the Labour Party ?

    Only some other leftist tent full of crap.


  39. 86
    Engineer says:

    If someone turned up looking for a job with your firm, and had “Political Advisor to the Labour Party” splashed all over their CV, would you employ them? The buggers hate the profit motive for a start – except their own, of course.


  40. 100
    Harriet says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  41. 101
    Hazel says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  42. 102
    Wee Doucie says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  43. 103
    Yvette and Eddie says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  44. 104
    Diane says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliblack against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  45. 105
    Uncle Tom Cobley and all says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  46. 106
    Do I tweet this now or wait for the say-so, askes the entire set of Labour MP's says:

    V strong and assured performance by @Ed_Miliband against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  47. 107
    The rest of the world says:

    V weak and unconfident performance by @Ed_Milipede against Humphreys @BBCr4today


  48. 109
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    You can’t polish a turd.


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Find out more about PLMR

Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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