December 2nd, 2011

Labour-Centrists Laying Down Reality-Based Policy Ideas

Talking to Labour insiders, ambitious young PAds, think-tankers and old hands alike, the candid admission is that they are stuck with Ed Miliband because as with Gordon Brown, there is no-one else. Ed gets a regular mauling at PMQs despite a terrible economy, still looks and sounds like the kid who does the photocopying, has failed to impress the British public and is unable at this stage of the electoral cycle to push further ahead in the polls. His shadow chancellor can never win the argument, because the argument he makes is that the British public is wrong and because it is Ed Balls who is making the argument. Dislodging Ed Balls would risk fraticidal conflict and not getting him off the television screens will guarantee Labour won’t be given a hearing on the economy.

The Labour Party’s centrists and the realist operators who just want power have written off the 2015 electoral prospects of the Labour party under the two Eds. So it is against this backdrop that we should look at two new publications that have just come out. Labour’s Business written by Luke Bozier and Alex Smith argues that the party should be pro-business, it even has one brilliantly simple business-friendly idea that the government should steal immediately – small businesses should have one person as their point of contact at the HMRC. One person who is responsible for dealing with issues arising from the complexity of the myriad of taxes – VAT, NI, capital gains, corporation taxes and the like – burdening small businesses.

“In the Black Labour: Why fiscal conservatism and social justice go hand-in-hand” is a new Policy Network discussion paper in which the authors; Graeme Cooke, Adam Lent, Anthony Painter and Hopi Sen, call for Labour to embrace fiscal conservatism. Policy Network is backed by Peter Mandelson, so is not exactly a fringe ginger group. The paper can be seen as a direct rebuttal of the kamikaze economics of Ed Balls endorsed by Ed Miliband, which poll after poll shows is not seen as credible by the public. Despite the state the economy is in George Osborne is believed and supported by the British public.

The policy details in the two papers won’t worry their Coalition opponents, they will however be seen as part of a slow move back towards the electorally potent reality-based politics of New Labour, rather than the one-more-heave-to-the-left politics of Ed Miliband. Ed Miliband and those around him believe the electorate is moving towards the positions of the Occupy and UK Uncut activist groups, a strategic error that will guarantee them electoral defeat in 2015. If Labour’s reality-based wonks want to be in government before they are old men, they have got to either get rid of the Eds or convince them to tack to the centre. These are the opening salvos…


  1. 1
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Cameron is useless but he has been extremely fortunate that the leader of the Opposition is as clueless and inept as Miliband. Having an odious bully like Balls is helpful as well partcularly as he was Gordon’s little helper and a lot of the economic mess can be pinned directly on him.

  2. 2
    Ah! Monika says:

    David says ” Stuck with Ed; how about me “

  3. 3
  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “Talking to Labour insiders, ambitious young PAds”

    Do you mean “SPads”?

  5. 5
    Ah! Monika says:

    Don’t blame Guid0 he didn’t design the lay0ut of c0mputer keyb0ards.

  6. 6
    Anonymous says:

    Things you’l NEVER see in a paper Jobs Ad,… MP wanted

  7. 7
    Jabba the Cat says:

    Guido mispelled, that should have been socialist c u n t s.

  8. 8
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ok, will try and put it anther way, the left (labour) have never been pro buisness, it is in thier make to meddle and impose there vision on everyone else, Take the smoking ban for one, it is killing the pub industry.

    Look at the tax code, doubled in size leaving it open to avoidence and burdens.

    The more the state gets involved the more it fucks up.

    Unfortenly the coalition seem to carry this on?

    One question, what happened to the “repe@l bill” ?

  9. 9
    Ah! Monika says:

    Maybe, but no good as toilet paper. Unlike the Guardian.

  10. 10
    Anonymous says:

    I dont agree that David Cameron is useless. He is making the best of a bad job, being in a co alition can not be easy. The amazing thing is seeing the Labour party constantly behaving as though they were Gods gift to Government, they really are in denial, or stupid.

  11. 11
    Ah! Monika says:

    T Y P O Billy. Glass Houses!!

  12. 12
    Ah! Monika says:

    Make that T Y P 0 S

  13. 13
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    But i am not as well educated as our host.

  14. 14
    Ali Liar Camp says:

    The article suggests that the lying lefties are moving over to the dubious facade of New Labour. I hope the British Public remember what a lying devious bunch of crooks that version of labour were.

  15. 15
    Moussa Koussa says:

    Guido – Your elongated rant speaks volumes…But still cannot come out and publically back his man Dodgy Dave

  16. 16
    Colonel Blimp says:

    Thank you Conservative Central Office. Would you now like to comment on the dear leaders lack of progress re repatriation of EU powers.

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Its not just the two Ed’s which are a gift to the coalition it is Chuka, last night trying to say that Labour left a better economy in 2010 than the tories in 1997.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    Blair was also completely useless, and was just as lucky that the ‘Opposition’ was not just incompetent, but apathetic. The Tories were happy just to be there and claim their expenses. After all, they didn’t even make a token complaint about Labour’s appalling legislation, at least as far as I remember.

  19. 19

    No Political Advisers in opposition, Special Advisers in government.

  20. 20
    Moussa Koussa says:

    You did not see the news yesterday, I assume…. The repatriation of EU powers idea…has already been scrapped….Oh Dear

  21. 21
    Ed P says:

    They are THE WELFARE PARTY, not at all concerned with, or supporting working people, i.e., actual labour; or in any meaningful way a business party.

    And until the poisonous Balls is sacked, their electoral chances are thankfully very slim.

  22. 22
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    oh, thanks Guido.

  23. 23
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    aaaaaaaaaaaaaa … … (wipes tears of laughter from eyes)

    Bonfire of Quangos
    Drastic pruning of public sector
    Reducing taxes
    Referendums on one thing or other

    You get my drift … and the berks quotes in this piece think they will make all the difference.

    And now I will go and de-ice my car, I couldn’t open the door this morning.

  24. 24
    Mandy says:

    Please please please… I’m ready to step into the breech. After all I know the ropes

  25. 25
    Ah! Monika says:

    Education is what is left when you forget what you learned at school.

  26. 26
    Wendy Bendy says:

    “.. small businesses should have one person as their point of contact
    at the HMRC.”

    HMRC? Is that the organisation who spends shed-loads of our money on legal fees because they lose case and case chasing supposed un-paid tax by contractors’ companies? Yes, they really know about business and wealth creation.

  27. 27
    MrAngry61 says:

    The Labour Party’s centrists and the realist operators who just want power have written off the 2015 electoral prospects of the Labour party under the two Eds.

    Good – nothing less than the party deserves.

    small businesses should have one person as their point of contact at the HMRC. One person who is responsible for dealing with issues arising from the complexity of the myriad of taxes – VAT, NI, capital gains, corporation taxes and the like – burdening small businesses.

    Labour (& Guido) don’t understand the HMRC. It has spent the past 15 years de-skilling into a lite copy of the IRS with a CPA cadre supported by the 99% of form processers. With the exception of Head Office advisory roles, the skills that Labour want simply don’t exist – and the organisational structure is thinning those out all of the time. Even if the HMRC is reformed, it’ll be the best part of a decade before the best port of call for a SME is an accountant.

  28. 28
    Ton Watson is a wanker says:

    Stop getting at Ballsup! Everyone knows he should be the leader then I can visit Militwat and his wife with a soft cuddly toy and tell him to resign!

    Now where’s the pies?!

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Precisely. The “brilliant idea” appears to be a version of, “Hi, I’m from the government, I’m here to help.”. That’s always been a success down the years.

    Be nice to get someone in govt who has actually run a business, preferably from a startup.

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    Why don’t you tell your friend that his counting is not too good either?

  31. 31
    GnosticBrian says:

    Guido, along with Luke Bozier and Alex Smith, are a tad behind the curve. HMRC has already introduced “SPOCs” – single point of contact for business “customers”.

  32. 32
    Wendy Bendy says:

    That was done by Bill Gates.

  33. 33
    Archer Karcher says:

    You don’t get irony do you Moussa?

  34. 34
    Loungelizard. says:

    You have to remember that when Blair’s lot got in the BBC shut the Tories out, they hardly got the chance to voice an opinion on anything. It’s the same now, wall to wall comment by the Labour party.

  35. 35
    minutiae-watcher spotter says:

    *glazes over after second sentence*

  36. 36
    West Bromwich Street Cleaner says:

    FUCK OFF Watson you twat!

  37. 37
    Who's Ton? says:

    Who’s TON Watson when he’s not at home?

    Anyway, TOM Watson is definitely a wanking socialist fascist shithead. That is all!

  38. 38
    Shoot Them All says:

    They should all be taken out and shot in front of their families!

  39. 39
    Engineer says:

    Things you might see:

    “Ex-MP for hire. Will do anything that, frankly, makes money.”

  40. 40
    Sungei Patani says:

    You must have a very short memory then.

  41. 41
    Ned Balls says:

    I disagree totally and, to prove it I shall go on the Ned Balls says what he Likes Show Andrew Marr show on Sunday and give a searching thirty minute ‘interview’ where I will be grilled relentlessly by Andrew Marr answering such revealing questions as ‘Why are Labour so fantastic?’ and ‘Just how fucked -up is the T*ry economic policy’?.

    I really don’t think you could get a more balanced show than that.

  42. 42
    Loungelizard. says:

    I see an Eta terrorist called La Tigresa, famous for her sexual appetite, has been chucked out by the Basque Separatists. Apparently she killed a lot of people, not sure if she shagged her enemies to death or what. Our politics are so dull!

  43. 43

    Well that is the first time anyone has told Guido.

  44. 44
    jgm2 says:

    Was he clapped by the audience when he made that ludicrous claim?

    Tell me that they at least sat there in stunned silence if not outright booing the disingenuous, lying bastard.

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    Im actually a Registered Nurse, working in the NHS. Not for Conservative Central office.

  46. 46
    jgm2 says:

    No. i-PAds mainly. Bought by the tax-payer as ‘office equipment’.

  47. 47
    Moussa Koussa says:

    The elongated rant speaks volumes…But still cannot come out and publically back his man Do*dgy Da*ve

  48. 48

    I f0und 1t a t4d dif1icult t0 f0ll0w th1s m0rn1ng, d1d y0u?

    Maybe 1 am gett1ng 0ld?

  49. 49
    Moussa Koussa says:

    modded….cannot say D *odgy Dave

  50. 50

    Why 1s my reply t0 y0u d0wn there?

  51. 51
    Loungelizard. says:

    Aren’t you some kind of curry?

  52. 52
    Labour=Dishonesty says:

    Oh, Guido, Guido, Guido! Surely you’ve seen over the last 20 years how Labour has been just a giant confidence trick, in which doctrinaire socialists have no objective other than to impose their idea of paradise on the rest of us. Have you not twigged that nothing, repeat nothing, that they say should sensibly be taken at face value, because nothing, repeat nothing, that they say is a genuine picture of what they are intending to do.

    This is not to say that there is not a rational, sensible, honest left-of-centre position that is properly admissable into UK politics – just that you’ld have to be a complete nitwit to believe that anyone speaking for the current Labour Party has the intention of making it.

  53. 53
    Chin Chin says:

    This man is looking down from above and laughing at the EU.

    He warned us all what would happen.

  54. 54
    Just a thin veneer says:

    And the power of recall.

  55. 55
    Cutie Spotter says:

    You managed to read the first two sentences? Nice one, E!

  56. 56
    Lord Stansted says:

    Of course Blair said he was pro-business too – pro TB Associates.

  57. 57

    Perhaps they should spend the two years minimum necessary to do the knowledge.

    Then they could be a taxi for hire.

  58. 58
    Chin Chin says:

    You mean you can’t say D.O.D.G.Y. D.A.V.E.?

  59. 59
    Jerk cluck Cluck says:

    But how can ryce and pees make you a fat lardy arse? Miz Abbott must be adding something else to the cookpot.

  60. 60
    Engineer says:

    Labour often use the phrase “idealogically dri ven” when trying to discredit a Coalition or Tory policy. In a sense they’re correct, but they forget that many of their policies are also idealogically dri ven, too.

    There’s a battle of ideologies – high tax + big state vs low tax + small state. The former was in vogue with the electoral majority for a while, but has over-reached itself and somewhat fallen from favour. Hence, almost anything Labour comes up with will be treated with suspicion by the majority of the electorate for a few years. If they want to win elections, they will have to change their ideology again, as Bliar did. I don’t think they’re ready to do that, so they can probably resign themselves to a longish period of relative unpopularity.

  61. 61
    Senor Barrosso says:

    the fact is that Lirbore, Libdim, Cons are all my little puppets. The only opposition is hte fruit lopos at UKIP

  62. 62
    Gordon Brown says:

    There is an alternative to Ed Miliband – me. I saved the world once and I will save it again. I did abolish boom and bust, but those evil Tories brought it back; the public knows this. I stand ready to assume the burden of office at any time. (This has nothing to do with the collapse of my speech-circuit career.)

  63. 63
    E says:

    Err, no. I lied. How did you know it was me?

  64. 64
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Thanks for that Guido, (no, really) I have learnt something today…

  65. 65
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  66. 66
    Engineer says:

    Don’t get excited. It’s only a trainee in a call-centre.

  67. 67
    jgm2 says:

    They’re not in denial – they know exactly how they fucked the UK economy. But they also know that if they simply brass it out that there is a hard core of voters (28%) who will believe literally anything they (Labour) tell ‘em.

    So if they blame the yanks and the banks for Brown running 30bn quid deficits during the boom and literally doubling national debt from 1997 – 2007/8 then these morons will simply accept that as fact.

    If Labour declare that the solution to a crisis caused by 4% annual deficits and a doubling of national debt in ten years is 14% annual deficits and re-doubling national debt in five years then they’ll accept that as fact too.

    If Labour declare that public sector pensions are ‘affordable’ even though they attempted to reform them themselves a few years ago and then b*o*tt*led out under union pressure then their supporters will accept that s fact too.

    Labour MPs don’t give a fuck about anything other than getting their imbecile hands back on the levers of power and will tell any lie, smear any opponent, jump on any band-wagon, or destroy anybody else’s life, liberty or career to do so. They are truly the wicked and malicious party.

    They destroyed the UK economy – marched it three years down an economic dead-end rather than admitting the scale of their economic clusterfuck back in 2007/8 and taking sensible, adult decisions to fix it. But no. Because those would be ‘unpopular’ – would lose them votes. So, rather than doing the right thing and making tough decisions they took the cowards way out. Borrowed another half a trillion quid to feather-bed their voters and left the UK with an even bigger economic clusterfuck.

    They are, to a man (and woman), guilty of economic treason and in a more enlightened era would be shot. En masse. In front of their families.

    The c*unts.

  68. 68
    Chin Chin says:

    Probably Guinness gravy.

    I hate to bring race into a discussion but I know plenty of black men and women who could drink the Irish under the table in the Guinness stakes.

  69. 69
    lola says:

    If I kill one, can I set that saving in gummint against my tax demand?

  70. 70
    Nicely groomed says:

    Botty Watch

  71. 71
    Archer Karcher says:

    Just Ed Bollocks?

    There are plenty more rodents in the Lootour gang who qualify for expulsion from public life.

  72. 72
    Giles says:

    Yes, indeed. It’s also a sign of intellectual laziness and/or lack of coherent argument in response, exactly the same as how the Left responds to comments about immigration etc with cries of “that’s racist”. But sometimes I wish the Tories would say “actually, yes – this is ideologically driven and let me explain exactly why our ideology is superior to yours….”; they don’t of course because they’re worried about scaring the voters by sounding right-wing.

  73. 73
    Dave Allen says:

    i was a young Pad once.

  74. 74
    Gordon Brown MP (part time) says:

    I am here ready and waiting for the phone call. Angela and Nicolas know where I am.

    Did you see me on the telly this week? That damn kryptonite nearby is sapping my powers and Sarah tells me that Canterbury is looking nice at this time of year. Can’t say that about Kirkcaldy because of the glow.

  75. 75
    Chin Chin says:

    Probably end up as Labours next candidate for the London Mayoral race.

  76. 76
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    I cannot stomach QT anymore – makes me want to smash things

  77. 77
    Loungelizard. says:

    When you’ve got a shadow chancellor who’s idea of an economic bail out plan is for the treasury to buy a lottery ticket each week the coalition can relax.

  78. 78
    lola says:

    The only ‘ideology’ is Socialism – High tax/big state/big bureaucats. The opposite of that is not ‘ideological at all. It is just people being left alone to do stuff, not being ordered about by ‘ideologues’. The argument to be made is that Socialism fails because it is ‘ideological’, and that we’d all be a lot better off it they would just go right away and leave us all well alone.

  79. 79
    Milliband is a right-winger says:

    To accuse Millicretin of being left just because he argues against Cameron’s more brutal (but more honest) approach to the economy is absurd.

    Like everyone in the Labour Party he is a man who believes capitalism and liberal ‘democracy’ is best preserved by being nicer to it’s victims. Were he to ever achieve the unlikely position of Prime Minister, He’d have no problem ordering the arm of the state to quash dissent – just as the so-called ‘socialist’ Atlee and Wilson governments did against striking workers.

  80. 80
    MI6 watch says:

    The head of MI6 is William Hague (he said so).
    On his UK list of banned organisations is the Libyan International Fighting Group (LIFG).
    LIFG is a member of Al-Qaeda and it’s Leader is Abdel Hakim Bel Hadje.
    Hadje is championed by the Al-Qaeda Leader.
    Hadje is the head of the Military Council in Tripoli.
    Hadje is wanted by the CIA (first detained in 2003, Malaysia)

    To pass the test and be a possible candidate for recruitment for MI6, please go to the ‘canyoucrackit’ website or go to your nearest Conservative sponsored Al-Qaeda terrorist organisation near you who are more than willing to help their own cause.

  81. 81
    Archer Karcher says:

    Simplifying the tax codes so a child could understand them would be more worthwhile. Then cut the number employed by the revenue by 60%.

  82. 82
    Chin Chin says:

    NHS dentistry doesn’t exist in the country.

    Just try and get any dentistry work done on the NHS and see for yourself.

  83. 83
    Morning Glory says:

    He’s a leftie, they don’t do ‘irony’ cf. Jeremy clarkson

  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Since all tax is only paid by people whether directly (VAT, Income Tax, NI etc) or indirect (tax on Company’s). Taxes on Company’s are just passed on to people through higher prices. Why not just cancel all tax on companies raise tax on people a little providing company’s lower their price for goods and services. This will save billions to both Company’s and Government in administration and time.

  85. 85
    MrAngry61 says:


    it’ll be the best part of a decade before the best port of call for a SME is *anyone other than* an accountant.

  86. 86
    Gonk says:

    A brilliant piece and I especially enjoyed
    your last line.

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:


    Are you saying that they might need another Neil Kinnock type battle in the Labour party before they see sense?

  88. 88
    jgm2 says:

    Sadly, from some posting Guido put up a week or so ago, it does look like he manages one 50,000USD gig a month. All overseas since nobody based in the UK would buy him a sandwich to listen to what the fucking lunatic has to say let alone pay him.

    I s’pose there must still be chambers of commerce in Trivandrum or the Beaver Club of Michigan who haven’t realised his role in destroying an entire national economy but he gets no work at all in the UK. Except of course as the MP for Kirkcaldy. Where, clearly, the locals would not just cut off their nose to spite their face but would cut off their fucking head to spite Specsavers.

  89. 89
    Quim says:

    Get back to the ward!

  90. 90
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    What? No diverseity co-ordinator?

  91. 91
    Divine Sarah says:

    Sorry to interrupt, but can anyone explain why the release of the Wikileaks Spy Files has received received absolutely no coverage in the mainstream British press? Plenty in the Indian press, curiously.

  92. 92
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Good post – Balls is a disaster. He connects very poorly with the voter, especially the so called ‘squeezed middle-classes’ who instead of following his policy of borrow more and spend more have spent the last eighteen months trying to reduce their level of personal debt by way of paying off mortgages and credit credit cards etc. Why on earth would they buy into his macro economic policy solutions when the are doing precisely the opposite in their own lives. It simply doesn’t make sense. For that reason alone they will continue to lack any credibility as regards the economy. Balls will never succeed in convincing the key central ground to switch their votes to them come 2015 and indeed, Blinkies utterances are just a continued reminder to the nation as regards who left us so royally screwed.

  93. 93
    Graham says:

    Miliband’s major headache would be a re-run of Blackadder with Pitt the Younger.

  94. 94
    Engineer says:


  95. 95
    Chin Chin says:

    Does anyone know how much Labour is in the hole to the Co-op for?

    I’m just curious as I’ve encountered Labour students going around like the Taliban telling people to boycott certain musicians and stop buying their music because they are booked to play shows in the ‘fascist Israeli state’.

    I wonder how hard it would be to set up a Boycott the Co-Op company for supporting the ‘fascist Labour party’ in the hopes that it will eat in their lending to a debt ridden Labour party.

    I’m guessing not very on Facebook and other social media sites.

  96. 96
    State-capitalism isn't socialism says:

    Wrong. Real socialist don’t advocate a state at all.

  97. 97
    Engineer says:

    Messy old business, foreign affairs, isn’t it?

    That’s why Robin Cook’s ‘Ethical Foreign Policy’ crumbled so quickly.

  98. 98
    nell says:

    “Ed Miliband and those around him believe the electorate is moving towards the positions of the Occupy and UK Uncut activist groups”

    Not many votes to be had there. The Labour Party is riddled with cowardice . If this was the Tory Party they’d have politically assassinated both Ed’s months ago and got themselves a better leader.

    Labour just stumbles blindly on with militwit and bullyballs just like they did with gordon. Talk about lemmings!!

    Long may it last!

  99. 99
    Beldar from Planet Remulac says:

    IfyouhavebeensmokingganjaandconsumingmassquantitiesoftheCaribbeandishyouwill becomeenormouslymorbidlyobeseisthisnotrightfellowparentalunitPrymaat?

  100. 100
    Engineer says:

    Various leaks about the time of the last election suggested about £20 to £24 million, so probably a bit more than that, now.

  101. 101
    I'm not a Clarkson fan but says:

    being of hindu-mick extraction, fat and rampantly fag I want to have his babies and suck his tasty shmekel.

  102. 102
    Quim says:

    One barely functioning retard as your contact at hmrc who presumably will know nothing about all the aspects of taxation faced by a small business. Sounds like an absolutely shite idea, but an excuse to hire a whole you class of inept ‘client case handler executives – here to be happy to be helping yourself at all today’ with unfunded pensions. It’s come to something when even Guido thinks the answer is to spend more money on state bureaucracy.

  103. 103
  104. 104
    Chin Chin says:

    Yes the definition of Insanity is that you will continue doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    The left wing blood baths of the 20th Century that occurred worldwide and racked up high scores of multi millions on the leader-board haven’t taught you people anything, you will keep trying to impose your failed ideology on us all until there are no humans left alive.

  105. 105
    Engineer says:

    Probably several, but they’re not paid to answer the phone.

  106. 106
    the ugliest man the world says:

    you are so right, mister w*g bogtrotter gypo.

  107. 107
    Spartacus says:

    Well, you got
    ”complexity of the myriad of taxes”
    right in your windy piece

  108. 108
    Modulus says:

    They are in total denial along with the myopic brain dead supporters that continually keep voting for them. Beggars belief but just look at the constituencies, education qualifications and ambitions of these feral groups and all becomes abundantly clear.

  109. 109
    Cynical-old-bag says:

    Stopped watching it about 2 years ago.

    Contrived Crap!

  110. 110
    Anonymous says:

    I’d like you to get to know one particular piece of rope a whole lot better

  111. 111
    Rat's arse says:

    Ditti ‘gonk’. jgm2 has, once again, hit the nail on the head. If only those daft ars&holes who keep voting Leiber would have the interests of the Country at heart and not how much they can cadge off the state. No chance though. To them it’s benefits from the cradle to the grave.

  112. 112
    Anonynurse says:

    I don’t work in wards. I have a degree and my skills are best used in administration and many, many meetings where we think outside the box and pick the low hanging fruit.

  113. 113
    Gordon F Brown says:

    I am very happy to make speeches in the Parliament to which the loonies in Kirkcaldy elected me, the poor sods. My rate is US$50,000 in cash up front and no questions asked…

  114. 114
    smoggie says:

    Has Labour been infiltrated by Militant Tories?

  115. 115
    smoggie says:

    What about Blue Sky thinking, Nursie? Do any of that?

  116. 116
    smoggie says:

    Throw the lot of the twats in front of the Reading train.

  117. 117
    Alex Smith says:

    SPOCs have been announced for large and medium sized businesses and are for ad hoc queries “outside the enquiry framework”. Our idea is specifically about early and ongoing information, advice and guidance for start-ups, with highly trained single contacts for all new firms to avoid pitfalls early and get proper practices in place at the start. Similar idea, but not quite the same.

  118. 118
    Terrible But True says:

    Is a global mess.

    Within parties and afflicting countries.

    We get Cameron and Clegg because the alternative is Miliband.

    Over in the US, the will endure Obama because out of 300Million, he’s it for Democrats all the Republicans can offer are alternatives that make McCain look like a decent option.

    Lucky for us the respective MSMs are nice and objective. Not.

  119. 119
    The Sleeper says:


  120. 120
    Gonk says:

    Or the new Sergeant-at-arms. At least you
    wouldn’t get politically motivated plod bursting
    in to the commons rummaging about. She’d
    fuck them up gooood !

  121. 121
    Gordon spotted in Parliament says:

    Former Prime Minister Gordon Brown has branded the lack of action on tackling radiation at a Fife beach ”astonishing and regrettable”.

    I agree Gordon it is indeed astonishing and regrettable that you did nothing about your Radioactive beach when you were in the Government.

  122. 122
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Re Ed Miliband.

    Why was he born so beautiful,
    Why was he born at all,
    He’s no fucking use to anyone,
    No fucking use at all.

  123. 123
    Everybody says:

    + 70,000,000 – Get that on the 6 o clock news tonight.

  124. 124
    Mrs Crewe says:

    Ed Miliban and Ed Balls – Tweedle Twee and Tweedle Twat

  125. 125
    Jeremy Sampster says:

    Probably paid to devote 100% their time to thinking up reasons to strike.

  126. 126
    moving forward the rich immersive buzzword-bingo experience says:

    I’m sure “buzzword bingo” is played all day, every day in the NHS meetings.

    Or it would be, if they didn’t take management-speak so seriously.

  127. 127
    Mrs Crewe says:

    Ed Miliband and Ed Balls – Tweedle Twee and Tweedle Twat

  128. 128
    Mrs Crewe says:

    Sorry about posting twice seems Hex as got into Guido’s site

  129. 129
    Scotch Pie Supper says:

  130. 130
    Voice dripping with sarcasm says:

    Well actually smarty pants they cant answer the phone until a risk assesment is done on answering phones …

  131. 131
    MI6 watch says:

    Note that Jeremy Bowen, removed fro Libya by MI6, is allowed into Egypt.

  132. 132
    Evie Lennon says:

    Fake Billy! Billy would never blog that without typo errors. Hope he hasn’t been hounded off here by the spiteful bullies.

  133. 133
    The BBC (Guardian HQ) spokeslesbian says:

    La la la la Ooh look over there.

    Sorry we can’t do this as we have a very important speech to cover from our new chancellor of the exchequer Angela Merkel, to be followed by a new study on how tories cause rickets.

    Later on the BBC a new report by a left wing think tank (our favourites) about the increase in kittens being cooked in the microwave under the conservatives.

    Last but not least, in our late news programmes we shall be highlighting an even newer study that proves beyond doubt that Polar Bears are socialists, plus a sneak preview of tomorrows headlines from the Guardian which publishes a new study by another left wing think tank (our favourite) linking, beyond all doubt, the increase in Indian farmers suicide rates to Margaret Thatcher’s union policies of the 1980s

  134. 134
    moving forward the rich immersive buzzword-bingo experience says:

    Ed Balls is something of an asset for Labour. If it wasn’t for him, the public would notice Chuckup Umunna more often, and Labour really would be fucked.

  135. 135
    an accountant says:

    and we like it that way – so shut the fuck up fatso

  136. 136
    Year zero says:

    No they just advocate shooting everone and starting again.

  137. 137
    Quim says:

    Has she got aids?

  138. 138
    Anonymous says:

    By the time we finish off Cameron’s PM job, conservative will be unelectable for the next twenty years.

  139. 139
    Is H@rry back then? says:

    That’s a lot of words just to state the obvious that the two Eds are full of shit Guido.

  140. 140
    Vimeiro says:

    You still haven’t got a clue about this site yet have you.

  141. 141
    Elsie Beattie (83 and a quarter) says:

    My teeth fell out when I misread that as cockpot, dear.

  142. 142
    The morning after says:

  143. 143
    an accountant says:

    Why would anyone who has the ability to fulfil this role effectively opt to work for a pile of shit like HMRC?

    Hold on, I get it, niceprivatisation opportunity – TB Associates (Business_advice_and_illegal_wars_r_us).

    Good call.

  144. 144
    Loungelizard. says:

    The scary thing is that they stumble on convinced of their God given right to govern.This period is just a silly childish mistake made by the electors. They are convinced they have the new Messiah in their ranks and that the country will rise as one and follow them to a socialist Utopia.

  145. 145
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The labour party no longer serves any purpose whatsoever. The UK cannot afford another labour government ever again. Thank heavens Ed Miliband and Ed Balls head the party, this will ensure labour do not win the next election at the vey least.

  146. 146
    Safe Sex says:

    Can you catch AIDS from a turkey baster?

  147. 147
    A Bloke Of A Certain Age says:

    But remember America is a big place with a market for everything. Even minorities are huge compared to over here. When you take that into account you realise that you could probably secure several well paid speaking engagements a month advocating everything from the abolition of language to marraige to horses . Though I agree selling Brownonomics would still be a bit of a hard sell.

  148. 148
    God says:

    From my perspective, it is desirable for Little Milliband and the aptly-named Balls to remain as leaders of the Labour party. Their continued presence will guarantee that Labour remains unelectable and will never see power during their tenure. The Millipede’s lack of any sort of stature or credibility, alongside Balls’ economic illiteracy and loutish manner turns the intelligent proportion of the electorate off Labour completely. I don’t think much of the rather “pleased with himself”older Milliband brother, but he was a genius compared with his trecherous, lisping little sibling!

  149. 149
    fucky nell says:

    Be nice to Dave – he’s currently in Paris being invited to take a full refund and fuck off from the about to be reconfigured Eurozone.

    He’ll obviously keep battling for Britain – as his track record demonstrates – but Frau Merkel and friends couldn’t give a shit about what he thinks or does.

    Free at last Dave, free at last.

  150. 150
    I don't need no doctor says:

    I see Watson is still serving his master. Brown must be briefing Watson on his next anti Murdoch tactics.

  151. 151
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Do you go the whole nine yards to move the goal posts after a brainstorming session?

  152. 152
    Moussa Koussa says:

    errrrrr National Debt to be 20% higher by 2015. Gudio rants, Jgm2 at Tory HQ rants in response

  153. 153
    Chin Chin says:

    The gym with those tree trunk legs? Is she an amateur body builder or something?

  154. 154
    Sharpshooter says:

    MP wanted…for target practice

  155. 155
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Blair now is on a par with Berlusconi but without the bunga-bunga parties.

  156. 156
    Woman who appeared in balls video saying spend no more than you earn says:


  157. 157
    Waiting to happen says:

    Surely an alternative solution is for one or both Eds to have an “accident”, perhaps involving a heavy item of public transport. Brief period of mourning (5 mins?) and a suitably irrelevant think tank name dafter them, then the party moves on.
    (yes I spotted the “dafter” typo, but rather liked it)

  158. 158
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Marr drives a Nissan Figaro.

    That is all you need to know in order to assess how poor his judgement is.

  159. 159
    Famines and Firing Squads says:

    No one does intolerance and hatred like the left

  160. 160
    State-capitalism isn't socialism says:

    It is probably unlikely that those who hold the means of production (whether as Statists ‘guiding the revolution’ or capitalists opposing it) will relinquish that power with a smile.

  161. 161
    Occupy Ed says:

    Next time you see Ed Millibandwagon on TV jst imagine those numskull characters occupying his head. It works for me, every time.

  162. 162
    fucky nell says:

    Carole still obliges

  163. 163
    Jeremy Clarkson says:

    Guido I must protest in the strongest terms, I have posted a reply to an earlier post which is extemely funny and perfectly acceptable humour, yet it has appeared out of context elsewhere on the site and I am going to get pelters for how it looks !

  164. 164
    Boardwalk Empire says:

    Labour dinners up here in Scotland have a track record of having criminals attend ( see Red Rose Dinners)

  165. 165
  166. 166
    Ivor Tapeworm says:

    Administration exists to keep civil servants employed, because they would be unemployable in the private sector.

    If you disagree with this statement you may be entitled to help. Please ask for “Disagreeing with Something” Leaflet IN4.

    If you wish to disagree with the statement, please obtain form DG403, leave it blank and send it back to us so we can then reuse it.

  167. 167
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    So we have 2 unelectable main parties, a dissolving 3rd party and a caucus of left and right wing-nuts who will only be electable in their supporters wet dreams. This looks like a job for (Dad-da-da-da) SUPER-EUROCRAT!
    Is that what we really want?

  168. 168
    I see what you mean says:

    From Wiki

    The Numskulls are:
    Brainy – Controls Edd’s brain.
    Blinky – Controls his sight/eyes.
    Radar (originally called Luggy)- Controls his hearing/ears.
    Snitch – (originally called Nosey)- Controls his smell/nose.
    Cruncher – (replaced Alf & Fred) Controls his mouth/taste.
    Occasionally other numskulls are seen who control Edd’s other body functions including germ fighting numskulls, numskulls in the stomach, pelvis numskulls and blood numskulls.

  169. 169
    Ivor Tapeworm (Shop Steward) says:

    But we pay MPs to ask planted questions, you fucking mong.

    We’re stopping your pocket money. Pay for your crayons yourself.

  170. 170
    jgm2 says:

    Labour lost.

    Get over it.

  171. 171
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    You’re looking in the wrong paper. Try the Lobbyist, Pressure Group and Foreign Intelligence Services Gazette. The Unison Weekly News is worth a try too.

  172. 172
    Anonymous says:

    Labour only have a chance if EVERYONE from the previous government is gone. They all currently stink.

  173. 173
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Dave should up the security on both of them. They are his best chance of winning in 2015.

  174. 174
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    ….but briefly.

  175. 175
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Brownites each and everyone. Tom Watson is still taking orders from Brown, otherwise why would he only pick on Murdoch?

  176. 176
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    I don’t know, TONNE Watson fits him quite well.

  177. 177
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Gordon doesn’t work as MP for Kirkcaldy, thats the point. He just gets bigger benefits than the rest of his constituents. Socialist Heaven on Earth.

  178. 178
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Why can’t the union members see through their leaders such as Prentis, Barber and Serwotka. They have an agenda of their own, care nothing for the rank and file, and luxuriate in 6 figure salaries with massive “fiddled” pensions.

  179. 179
    Archer Karcher says:

    Ha, ha, ha, the most laughable post so far this year. Where and when were you ‘educated’?

  180. 180
    What a plonker. says:

    Yes ,whatever happens we must keep the two Ed,s in the shadow cabinet.
    They are the gifts that keep on giving .

  181. 181
    Archer Karcher says:

    FFS, I have heard it all now. Milibonkers is right wing! Compared to who?

  182. 182
    West Bromwich Bricklayer says:

    Tom Watson is a fucking Hunt!

  183. 183
    Chin Chin says:

    There is a reason alot of them are working in the public sector…..

    Too thick to be employed any where else.

    Before the white knights come crying, I said ‘alot’ not ‘all’.

    Look around at your fellow comrades and tell us with a straight face that most of them are not thick as pig shit because as someone with prior public sector experience, I know full well you cannot without lying.

  184. 184
    State-capitalism is not socialism says:

    Bolscheviks, social democrats, liberals, fascists all share a love of the state. Even so-called anti-state ‘libertarians’ on the right are never happier when police are quashing dissenters they disagree with or executing people they think the state has right to kill.

    As one of the great socialists wrote decades before the evils of state ‘socialism’ observed:

    “Where the state begins, individual liberty ceases, and vice versa.”

  185. 185
    Archer Karcher says:

    Don’t bother, NHS dentists are uniformly crap. Go private or go abroad for treatment, end of story.

  186. 186
    What a plonker. says:

    We have to give the two Ed,s time to get their important message across.

  187. 187
    Fabian Eugenisist says:

    Except for us of course, what a wonderful utopia that will be.

  188. 188
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Too kind but I fear a risk of hyper-inflation.

  189. 189
    The David Militwit Fan Club says:

    I suspect there is a clique in the Labour Party who are conspiring to get David Miliband into power. They are just biding their time and sharpening the daggers for when the time is right to plunge them into Ed & Ed’s backs. These double dealings and two faced antics will become more obvious as time goes by.
    Ed M is just viewed by many as a temporary leader until the time is right for a new leader to take over.

  190. 190
    The Golem says:

    Very true, but I think the next GE will be irrelevant unless Rusty quietly departs in the interest of the Party and the country before then. More Blair-lite will just make the situation irretrievable.

  191. 191
    Really? says:

    Having created a shot-for-shot remake of the opening sequence to ‘The Prisoner’ for the opening of Marr’s show, the BBC didn’t even bother to get the rights clearances for its theme tune.

    Maybe somebody, very late on in the process, realised that it wouldn’t be appropriate to hammer home the parallels with a show whose themes were freedom, identity (and oppression by a baffling sequence of interchangeable bureaucrats). Postdemocratic era, anyone?

  192. 192
    Presentation skills says:

    Whats the name of the numskull who operates Eds manic arm and hand movements during his speeches, he must be knackered after thst shift ?

  193. 193
    Chicken Zinger says:

    Anthony Painter is a weasel hypocrite who went to the same private Grammar school that I attended. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could chuck him. And he’s a lanky b*stard.

  194. 194
    Ed Le Canard says:

    I run a small diplomatic outpost in the middle of nowhere with a small staff of mostly locally engaged colleagues. My basic salary is £27,000. I work my socks off for Blighty, rarely seeing my two little boys during the week. I manage the office, fix things, deliver speeches delivering our message, help distressed Brits over here, visit British prisoners and morgues where Brits are, write briefings for London on politics and economics here, gather information, it never ends. I’ve worked in the private sector too – so I know the score. I’m a tory voter. The generalisations aren’t helping.

  195. 195
    Hugh Mann says:

    “small businesses should have one person as their point of contact at the HMRC. One person who is responsible for dealing with issues arising from the complexity of the myriad of taxes – VAT, NI, capital gains, corporation taxes and the like – burdening small businesses”

    And plenty of opportunity for corruption there …

  196. 196
    Aunt Mat says:

    How much does it cost for police protection services for George Osborne while he is on holiday skiing?

    Surely he could have stayed in the UK and ensured that at least the money was spent in the UK.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,717 other followers