October 6th, 2011

Red Ed Reshuffle Rumour: “It’s Tomorrow”

Paul Waugh tweets that Angela Eagle is to be moved to the non-job that is Shadow Energy and Climate Change Secretary with former Lloyds banker Rachel Reeves taking over as Shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Presumably this would mean Meg Hillier is for the chop. As predicted here last week.

UPDATE: Ivan Lewis tipped to stay. Absurd.

UPDATE II: The LibDem Head of Press reacts to the news:


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I wonder when the unions will reshuffle Ed Miliband tho?

  2. 2
    Emma says:

    He really is weird looking.

  3. 3
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Did not LLoyds get into a mess by being forced to merge by the Labour Governmet?

    So Rachal comes from a failed buisness into a failed party with failed policys.

  4. 4
    Southern Softy says:

    He can shuffle all he likes
    and it won’t make a scrap of difference.
    They will still be a shower of shit.

  5. 5
    V says:

    Jeez, that man is scary looking………..

  6. 6
    An American in London says:

    But will anybody notice?…

  7. 7
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    About as much use as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic!

  8. 8
    De Eagle says:

    Is it coz im uglee?

  9. 9
    Seth the pig farmer says:

    Is that a poster for the forthcoming “Wallace and Grommit and the Wrong Cabinet”?

  10. 10

    I think he’s really Russell Kane.


  11. 11
    Carina Trimmedbush says:

    Her fanny is spotless, she has a woman in 3 times a week

  12. 12
    The Rt. Hon. Ed Moribund M.P. says:

    The words “Titanic” and “deckchairs” come to mind

  13. 13
    Josiah Bartlett says:

    Red Ed’s one victory at the Labour Party Conference is that he can now choose his own shadow cabinet.

    Obviously he is hamstrung by the fact that they still have to be Labour MPs….

  14. 14

    I rearranged the icebergs.

  15. 15

    And the wimmin’ quota.

  16. 16
    Steve Miliband says:

    Team return home after finishing in last place in ‘Team Poker Championship’

  17. 17
    Wierd Ed says:

    No, it’s because you are a a mouthy Lesbian – now f*ck off…

  18. 18
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

  19. 19
    Massive Ed says:

    Look at the size of his noggin FFS!!!

  20. 20
    Wierd Ed says:

    Ha ha ha….

  21. 21
    The last quango in paris says:

    Poor dear.

  22. 22
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    is Balls playing with himself under the table in the picture?

  23. 23
  24. 24
    Garry Kasparov says:

    Angela Eagle was – and perhaps still is – a fine chess player. Her finely tuned logical mind must have been punished beyond endurance in shadow cabinet meetings.

  25. 25
    OMG, Please, Not Dolly Again. says:


    You can shuffle shit all you want, but your fingers will still smell funny when you deal.

  26. 26
    dave (sodomy for the masses) cameron says:

    calm down dear – I’m a great believer in gay marriage – I’m getting moist just thinking about it

  27. 27
    Steve Miliband says:

    He is using his Blackberry to secretly brief against everyone in the room

  28. 28
    Steve Miliband says:

    They started in Antartica

  29. 29
    Sir William Waad says:

    Do the Shad Cab shuffle…
    Hear the briefings rustle
    Bet you’d sell your mother
    You can buy another….

  30. 30
    Yvette Cooper says:

    The horsey moves upways, right?

  31. 31
    les says:

    Don’t think Reeves will do any better than Eagle – the only difference I can see is that she is taller.

    Reeves reminds of a younger Janet Street Porter!

  32. 32
    Evil Landlord says:

    You can’t polish a turd !

  33. 33
    Wiki says:


  34. 34
    Time Lord says:

    Congratulations on a fascinating and prescient post, Earthling.
    Rachel Reeves becomes Deputy Prime Minister in May 2015.

  35. 35
    Jack Dromey (Ms) says:

  36. 36
    Friday Caption Contest says:

    Is Liam Byrne saying “there’s no tallent left” ….is ..he.. is he???

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    They have joined the Conservative party.

  38. 38
    Another Engineer says:

    They’re all pawns in someone else’s game.

  39. 39
    Sir William Waad says:

    Oy vey, what a fershtinkiner! His mother should be proud of him.

  40. 40
    The Edinburgh alkies should sort themselves out instead of meddling in other people's lives. says:

    This shadow cabinet is going to look like a student’s committee. Bring it on!

  41. 41
    Tony Blair says:

    Cheque please mate!

  42. 42
    Harriet Hatemen. says:

    I like these cabinet meetings.
    It means that for once, I’m the looker.

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    This post has really cheered me up.
    I have almost forgotten that call me Dave is a useless pile of Bildeberg shit.

  44. 44
    Mrs Doyle. says:

    So who is chief tea maker then?

  45. 45
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:


  46. 46
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    The biggest joke of all is that by rights Labour should have no chance of forming the next government. But such is the achievement of Cameron-Osborne-Clegg that many people seriously believe they could. Well done lads.

  47. 47
    Raving Loon says:

    The department for Energy and Climate Change should just be abolished.

  48. 48
    Ed Moribund says:

    Millie Dowler!
    If I keep saying that maybe people will listen to me…

    Hello?..anyone there..?

  49. 49
    Mrs Moribund says:

    You’ve played at being leader long enough Ed.
    Let David have a turn.

  50. 50
    The Jobs Family, Woodside, CA says:

    Many thanks to the staff and readers at order-order.com for their messages of sympathy at this difficult time. Steve was a huge fan of your particular brand of bottom-related humor/gossip.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron cannot reshuffle his cabinet, Cameron cannot even chose who he wants in the cabinet. Its a sad story.

  52. 52
    Knob Ed says:

    Better than rearranging the tits on an Eagle.

  53. 53

    Father Jock

    “The feckin’ state of the economy? You want me to apologise for that , you little gobshite?”

    Father Ed
    “Ok so..We’re doing apologies at confeerence. You have to say sorry, father.”

    Father Jock screws up his face and makes paws with his hands.

    “I’m soooowww, soooowwww sooooorrryyyy,

    Father Kevin McGuire
    “Now that’s sarcasm.”

  54. 54
    Labour's Diversity Inclusion Committee says:

    We want chicks with dicks, muff divers, species with more than five digits on each hand, a tourettes sufferer, a ginger haired person and someone with intelligence to be considered for Ed’s Shab Cab!

  55. 55
    Big Jacques Canoe says:

    Perhaps the twitter twattess needs reshuffled – she’s about as down with the kids as my dead aunt


    “Primal Scream might have vented their fury at the Conservatives’ use of their 1994 single ‘Rocks’ yesterday (October 5), but it turns out the track played was actually The Dandy Warhols’ ‘Bohemian Like You’.

    The confusion seems to have stemmed from Labour MP Kerry McCarthy, who was tipped off by someone in the hall and posted a tweet about it, linking to the lyrics. After the truth came out about the real identity of the track, Mrs McCarthy said the two songs “admittedly sound similar”.”

  56. 56
    Expense Form Examiner says:

    No, he’s quantitatively easing himself.

  57. 57
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    She has form, she said on Twitter that Tories attending the LBGT fringe events were called “Poofs” by other Tories.

    She IS the new McBride.

  58. 58
    dave (sodomy for the masses) cameron says:

    who me? how dare you – I’m invoking the bullshit spirit or should that be bulldog? I never can keep up with all these drafts.

  59. 59
    Banzai Balls says:

    Wiki “Between 2006 and July 2009, Rachel Reeves worked as a business planner and analyst for Halifax Bank of Scotland (now part of Lloyds Banking Group).[8]”

    Fucking good planning

  60. 60
    dave (sodomy for the masses) cameron says:

    too late – I’ve already enlisted them into my modern inclusive conservative party.

    buggers’ muddles all round

  61. 61
    The Truth says:

    That could be interesting….

    Remember, Maria Eagle is due to fight Luciana Berger for the newly created Wavertree seat in Liverpool after the boundary changes. Angela Eagle is her twin sister and is taking over as her new boss of Energy and Climate Bollocks.

  62. 62
    dave (sodomy for the masses) cameron says:

    too late – I’ve already enlisted them for my new inclusive conservative party.

    buggers’ muddles all round

  63. 63
    Historian says:

    Wiki “Between 2006 and July 2009, Rachel Reeves worked as a business planner and analyst for Halifax Bank of Scotland (now part of Lloyds Banking Group).[8]”

    Fucking good planning, I would say

    Getting promoted into the Shadow Cabinet on the back of being a “business planner” for the bank which required the biggest bailout in British History

    You could not make it up…what a bloody joke…

    If I were an MP, I would cry “Lloyds ande Bust” every time she stood up…

  64. 64
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    LOL Bill :-)

  65. 65
    I Hate Tesco AND the Pope says:

    Rachel. Lloyds. Business. Policies.

    Billy – you’re a waste of space, just like Anonymous.

  66. 66
    Titford Hat says:


  67. 67
    albatross says:

    A Miliband Plan B.
    Without any actual policies at least shuffling the shad cab gives the appearance of having a finger on the pulse

  68. 68
    Belgian Chocolate Soldier says:

    It doesn’t matter who is in anyones cabinet, they all take orders from elsewhere.

  69. 69
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    But just HAD to comment on this waste of space.

  70. 70
    Jack says:

    She could go back to the Bank of England is she fails in the Labour Party

    And print billions

  71. 71
    albatross says:

    A Miliband Plan B.
    Without any actual policies at le a st shuffling the shad cab gives the app-e-a-rance of having a finger on the pulse

  72. 72
    Governor of the Bank of England says:

    The failed leading the failed

  73. 73
    Titford Hat says:

    Ed = Butthole of Red Whine

  74. 74
    Mervyn says:

    QE- Divine right of Kings?

  75. 75
    Kerry wotshername the sad fat pig Labour MP says:

    What’s my position in the new Shabby Cabby?

  76. 76
    Baseball cap says:

    Both ways

  77. 77
    Politicians are CUNTS says:

    can’t these cretins go on a river cruise and make the reshuffle announcement in the middle of the Thames whilst they are all jumping off and drowning – that would get on the news

  78. 78
    Knob Ed says:

    I will be getting rid of useless incompetent dead weight and replacing it with some …errr…useless incompetent dead weight.

  79. 79
    Belgian Chocolate Soldier says:

    Indeed they are and excellent servants they make too.

    You may ask if they are merely staff, what does that make you, the little people? Maybe you should contact a rape victim hotline, to ascertain your current and future status.
    Now pay up and forget all that fanciful nonsense about being free, your vote means nothing anymore.

  80. 80
    Ded Ed says:

    Fuck me – I can’t feel a pulse.

  81. 81
    BBC News Editor says:

    Rachel is clearly a financial genius with her banking background. However, if any Tories come from banking, then they are the evil captialists who caused all the world’s woes and made Labour regulate them so badly!

  82. 82
    Ah! Monika says:

    Billy, it’s just not cricket !!

    Wayne Rooney’s father arrested in police betting probe
    BBC News

  83. 83
    Merv the Spiv says:

    Get those presses rolling boys!

  84. 84
    Ah! Monika says:

    Maybe one hand clapping

  85. 85
    Day Centre residents says:

    We’re waiting for the call!

  86. 86
    Errors and corrections says:

    appears to have a pulse

  87. 87
    Belgian Chocolate Soldier says:

    Another of the placed people, we love. These Common Purpose types are so accomodating to our requirements and never question anything we tell them to do.

  88. 88
    passing attention-seeking pretend VJ says:

    Did someone mention The Thames?

  89. 89
  90. 90
    Iloathlefties says:

    Is this a retards sit in??

  91. 91
    Ah! Monika says:

    The Eagle’s sore.

  92. 92
    roy says:

    you missed government

  93. 93
    roy says:

    5 words in 30 spelt wrong. 16.7%, must be a record?

  94. 94
    Belgian Chocolate Soldier says:

    It can’t be I am afraid. I have too much future tax revenue riding on it. I know it’s a laughably ridiculous theory, but face it, all your money belongs to us now. Well maybe not all now, but soon, I promise you.

  95. 95
    Rat's arse says:

    Rooney’s Uncle too. God, what an ugly family they are!

  96. 96
    Time Lord says:

    Great post! 1977 seems like only yesterday.

  97. 97
    Engineer says:

    “Red Ed reshuffles his cabinet”

    “Red Ed updates his wardrobe”

    I venture to suggest that of the two, the latter would be the more significant, because it would slightly increase spending on the high-street, and thus make a positive contribution to the economy. The former will make sod-all difference to anything.

  98. 98
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Cant say much relly, what with events at Southarwk crown court and all that.

  99. 99
    Ah! Monika says:

    Billy is stumped for comment

  100. 100
    Angela's sister says:

    So would you be after exercising with a 12 inch d ildo

  101. 101
    The Good Ship Venus says:

    David’s younger brother,
    He was a stupid bugger,
    He wasn’t fit to shovel shit,
    From one place to another.

    Friggin’ and vote riggin’,
    Friggin’ and vote riggin’,
    Friggin’ and vote riggin’,
    ‘Cos he’d fuck all else to do.

    etc etc

  102. 102
    I don't need no doctor says:

    What’s the point in shuffling shit it will still stink.

  103. 103
    Human rights and abuse of freedoms thrives on silence. says:

    The idiots!

  104. 104
    Tony Bliar is a complete cunt says:

    As weird as yvette ?…..

  105. 105
    Conrad Murray MD says:

    That would be the ghost pulse you can feel when someone is performing CPR on a corpse.

  106. 106
    Hang The Bastards says:

    I wonder if he will give himself a job in the reshuffle……. Cos he’s done fuckall so far.

  107. 107
    ..and the winner is.... says:

    Wallace – Leader and Shop Steward

    Gromit – Deputy Leader & Business, Innovation & Skills

    The Stinking Bishop – Shadow Chancellor

    Piella Bakewell – Home Secretary plus Women and Equalities

    Wendolene Ramsbottom – International Development

    Feathers McGraw – Foreign Secretary

    Fluffles the dog – Cabinet Office Olympics

    Preston the Cyber Dog – Education and Election Coordinator

    Phillip the Dog – Justice

    Shaun the Sheep – Welsh Office

    Lord Victor Quartermaine – Work & Pensions

    Lady Tottington – Attorney-General

  108. 108
    Boris Johansson says:

    Cooper-Balls shuffling Ed under the non-specific gender table.

  109. 109
    Boris Johansson says:

    Ed secretly hopes he has picked up Cooperballs car keys from the pot,

  110. 110
    Alistair Campbell makes me ashamed to be human says:

    I’d have thought Preston was a ringer for Balls, Shadow Chancellor.

  111. 111
    Alistair Campbell makes me ashamed to be human says:


  112. 112
    Alistair Campbell makes me ashamed to be human says:

    Wow. Roy. Impressive.

  113. 113
    Alistair Campbell makes me ashamed to be human says:

    Dave ‘spot the difference between me and a LibDem’ Cameron.

  114. 114
    nobody loves Ed says:

    Ray Romano

  115. 115
    Eurozone Dave says:

    Don’t forget… it’s not the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the dog’s…dinner… fight in the dog’s bollox.. oh god… what was it again?

  116. 116
    joescotus says:

    does the labour party really want ed to lead them .cameron may be a snake oil salesman(a good one at that) but no amount of everything will make ed a statesman.

  117. 117
    Woof! says:

    Schnorbitz to become Shadow Home Ofice Secretary.

  118. 118
    M says:

    Shut up

  119. 119
    Handycock, No1 Trougher in Parliament says:

    I am quite prepared to switch Parties to Labour on the following conditions: I am given a senior cabinet position in this reshuffle, it will involve lots of travel to Eastern Europe, Ed assures me that I will receive full immunity from any prosecution at any time in the future.

  120. 120
    YorkshireLad says:

    Does it really matter who is in the Shad Cab? They won’t be getting into the real job for some considerable time

  121. 121
    Hugh Janus says:

    Your picture of a row of serial incompetents is most upsetting Guido, it’s the stuff of nightmares so kindly desist. It’s even putting the dog off her breakfast.

  122. 122
    Nemo says:

    Teddy probably some physical illness, its not natural to have black eyes like those he has, unless you count in some of those weird pop stars who black their eyes.

  123. 123
    Nemo says:

    I have that problem but it is my age, as the doc says what can you expect at your age.

  124. 124
    EU President Dave says:

    I can’t wait for my next job once I’ve sold the country and the TORIES out.

  125. 125
    ..and the winner is.... says:

    That would be Preston the Psycho Dog

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