Totty Watch: Sky News Top Trumps 2011
Luciana Stays On Top – Chuka Came Second, For a Change

No real surprises at the top of this year’s Sky News Totty Top Trumps. Action man turned Labour by-election victor Dan Jarvis topped the lads with a 96% sexy score. Ed’s sacked PPS and recently dumped pretty boy Chuka Umunna came second for a change. Small, but perfectly formed, Tory Dominic Raab was hot on his heels, before David Miliband and the Prime Minister with 84% and 81% respectively.

Over to the ladies and Luciana Berger stays on top with 90%, closely followed by the Tory onslaught of Charlotte Leslie (83%), Louise Mensch (76%), Penny Mordaunt (75%) and Priti Patel (74%). Finally Gloria De Piero is bringing up the rear with 72%. Guido hasn’t got his set in the post yet, but no doubt there will be a repeat of last year’s scotch-fuelled drinking edition in Manchester and Liverpool…

Quotes of the Day

It seems the Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone hasn’t quite worked out what the first word of her title means:

“Because otherwise if you leave it to – I’m going to say men in this case because that’s the way the world has worked – you get terrible decisions. Look at the mess the world is in, and look who has been in charge. I leave it there.”

And kudos to Tory MP Philip Davis for his retort:

“One of the most terrible decisions that men have made was making her Equalities Minister, so I suppose you can see where she is coming from…”

Moran Leaves Court in Tears

Guido had to share this one. His heart bleeds:

This little piggy cried all the way home…

Baldwin’s Wife Said to be Backing Dolly

Guido is wondering how long Derek Draper will be able to keep a low profile with his latest venture into the political world. It goes against his style and his “progressive publishers” is a tank on the lawn in the political book market – Iain Dale’s Biteback operation. A page-binding source said of Derek “first he wanted to be Guido, now he wants to be Iain Dale.” 

Guido wonders whether Ruskin will be a bit more successful than Dolly’s previous ventures Flow Video and the me-too Groupon-clone start-up GoodyPass, that he’s running with his wife Kate fronting it. We can’t really see how the new venture is doing given that the company behind it – Fulfill Media Ltd, the renamed Flow Video Ltd, claims in a Companies House filing that, despite being in business over a year, it is non-trading and has as yet produced no accounts. Hmm…

As ever rumours abound as to Derek Draper’s financial situation, Kate’s pay cut won’t have helped and an internet start-up like GoodyPass is certain to not be turning a profit. Will his new publishing business do any better? As Guido reported on Friday the company has launched Tangled Up In Blue – a critique of Blue Labour – which is unlikely to have an appeal beyond left-wing wonks. The website states “no unsolicited manuscripts” which seems a little odd for a publishing house which presumably would thrive on publishing manuscripts. It would however be a lot of hassle one supposes and also involve hard work. Nevertheless rumours are swirling of an investment and help from Tom Baldwin’s millionaire heiress wife, Rebecca Nicolson. (Guido is awaiting confirmation as to whether Nicholson, who has her own publishing house Short Books, has put up the money for Draper. Suffice to say that as we go to pixel she hasn’t denied it)

If Derek’s previous relationship with Labour Party spin-doctors is anything to go by, this will surely be a recipe for disaster…

Vince Attack Shafted By History

The most memorable sound-bite from Vince Cable’s speech will be his attack on his coalition partners and the right in general:

“What I will not do though is provide cover for ideological descendents of those who sent children up chimneys.”

Like his attack on “spivs” last year, this one will stick for all the wrong reasons. Who was it that brought an end to children being sent up chimneys? Lord Shaftesbury and his 1864 Act for the Regulation of Chimney Sweepers. Shaftesbury was a Tory. You would think Vince would remember voting on it…

Huhne’s Greek Fears

After being probed by Andrew Neil yesterday, Chris Huhne squared up to Brillo again on the Daily Politics. He accused the Greeks of making false statements to the authorities about their economy. Guido agrees that such false statements are indeed as he says “outrageous”. It must be an issue close to Huhne’s heart though – the last thing that the embattled Secretary of State would want was for a Greek to make a false statement to the authorities…

He’d want them to tell the truth, right?

The Telegraph reports on Margaret Moran’s first court appearance:

“Wearing a dark suit, she could be heard crying in the dock before the hearing.”

Sarah Teather Stand-Up Routine Bombs

Not only was the act crap, Strictly wasn’t on that night, so her girl-of-the-people ruin was utterly inauthentic…

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

[…]

+ READ MORE +



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Ken Clarke tells the Ben Fellows trial:

“The idea that I would go strolling off in order to grope a man in an office is highly unlikely.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

GMB UNION SUE UBER GMB UNION SUE UBER
Who Will Be UKIP’s Mayoral Candidate? Who Will Be UKIP’s Mayoral Candidate?
Meanwhile, in Venezuela… Meanwhile, in Venezuela…
TWITTER EMPLOYEES JUMP FROM SINKING SHIP TWITTER EMPLOYEES JUMP FROM SINKING SHIP
Times Trolls Burnham Times Trolls Burnham
CHAMPAGNE SOCIALISTS BACK CORBYN CHAMPAGNE SOCIALISTS BACK CORBYN

SINN FEIN SHOULD “TAKE INSPIRATION” FROM ARMED UPRISING SINN FEIN SHOULD “TAKE INSPIRATION” FROM ARMED UPRISING
ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ ALL CHANGE AT GREEN PARTY HQ
I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory! I Can’t Believe He’s Not Tory!
UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY UBER DESTROYING RACIST TAXI INDUSTRY
Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn? Could Labour Fall Apart Under Corbyn?
Hilarious Prankster Hilarious Prankster
GREENPEACE LIVID GREENPEACE LIVID
Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope? Did Labour Leadership Candidates Smoke Dope?
Another Andy Flip Flop Another Andy Flip Flop
Clegg Whores Himself Out Clegg Whores Himself Out
RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL RETURN OF THE FRACKERS, CUADRILLA TO APPEAL
FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS” FLASHBACK: TORY WHIP ON SCANDAL INVOLVING “SMALL BOYS”
“Owen Jones is the 1%” “Owen Jones is the 1%”
Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff Jedward Told to “F**k Off” By Indy Staff
CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE CLIMATE LOBBY DRAFT ARNIE
MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK MOD FORCED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN AGGRESSION… WITH TWEETDECK
Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor Mental Marxists: Tories Will Gas the Poor
MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA MONEYBAGS BURNHAM TRAILS DESPITE SIX FIGURE FUNDING BONANZA
ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’ ROLL CALL OF LABOUR ‘MORONS’
YOUGOV: CORBYN 17% AHEAD FIRST PREFS YOUGOV: CORBYN 17% AHEAD FIRST PREFS
BBC In Shocking Ice Revelation BBC In Shocking Ice Revelation
BBC Avoids Questioning Janner BBC Avoids Questioning Janner
TORY MP: SNP DON’T KNOW THEIR RS FROM THEIR ELBOW TORY MP: SNP DON’T KNOW THEIR RS FROM THEIR ELBOW