Totty Watch: Sky News Top Trumps 2011
Luciana Stays On Top – Chuka Came Second, For a Change

No real surprises at the top of this year’s Sky News Totty Top Trumps. Action man turned Labour by-election victor Dan Jarvis topped the lads with a 96% sexy score. Ed’s sacked PPS and recently dumped pretty boy Chuka Umunna came second for a change. Small, but perfectly formed, Tory Dominic Raab was hot on his heels, before David Miliband and the Prime Minister with 84% and 81% respectively.

Over to the ladies and Luciana Berger stays on top with 90%, closely followed by the Tory onslaught of Charlotte Leslie (83%), Louise Mensch (76%), Penny Mordaunt (75%) and Priti Patel (74%). Finally Gloria De Piero is bringing up the rear with 72%. Guido hasn’t got his set in the post yet, but no doubt there will be a repeat of last year’s scotch-fuelled drinking edition in Manchester and Liverpool…

Quotes of the Day

It seems the Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone hasn’t quite worked out what the first word of her title means:

“Because otherwise if you leave it to – I’m going to say men in this case because that’s the way the world has worked – you get terrible decisions. Look at the mess the world is in, and look who has been in charge. I leave it there.”

And kudos to Tory MP Philip Davis for his retort:

“One of the most terrible decisions that men have made was making her Equalities Minister, so I suppose you can see where she is coming from…”

Moran Leaves Court in Tears

Guido had to share this one. His heart bleeds:

This little piggy cried all the way home…

Baldwin’s Wife Said to be Backing Dolly

Guido is wondering how long Derek Draper will be able to keep a low profile with his latest venture into the political world. It goes against his style and his “progressive publishers” is a tank on the lawn in the political book market – Iain Dale’s Biteback operation. A page-binding source said of Derek “first he wanted to be Guido, now he wants to be Iain Dale.” 

Guido wonders whether Ruskin will be a bit more successful than Dolly’s previous ventures Flow Video and the me-too Groupon-clone start-up GoodyPass, that he’s running with his wife Kate fronting it. We can’t really see how the new venture is doing given that the company behind it – Fulfill Media Ltd, the renamed Flow Video Ltd, claims in a Companies House filing that, despite being in business over a year, it is non-trading and has as yet produced no accounts. Hmm…

As ever rumours abound as to Derek Draper’s financial situation, Kate’s pay cut won’t have helped and an internet start-up like GoodyPass is certain to not be turning a profit. Will his new publishing business do any better? As Guido reported on Friday the company has launched Tangled Up In Blue – a critique of Blue Labour – which is unlikely to have an appeal beyond left-wing wonks. The website states “no unsolicited manuscripts” which seems a little odd for a publishing house which presumably would thrive on publishing manuscripts. It would however be a lot of hassle one supposes and also involve hard work. Nevertheless rumours are swirling of an investment and help from Tom Baldwin’s millionaire heiress wife, Rebecca Nicolson. (Guido is awaiting confirmation as to whether Nicholson, who has her own publishing house Short Books, has put up the money for Draper. Suffice to say that as we go to pixel she hasn’t denied it)

If Derek’s previous relationship with Labour Party spin-doctors is anything to go by, this will surely be a recipe for disaster…

Vince Attack Shafted By History

The most memorable sound-bite from Vince Cable’s speech will be his attack on his coalition partners and the right in general:

“What I will not do though is provide cover for ideological descendents of those who sent children up chimneys.”

Like his attack on “spivs” last year, this one will stick for all the wrong reasons. Who was it that brought an end to children being sent up chimneys? Lord Shaftesbury and his 1864 Act for the Regulation of Chimney Sweepers. Shaftesbury was a Tory. You would think Vince would remember voting on it…

Huhne’s Greek Fears

After being probed by Andrew Neil yesterday, Chris Huhne squared up to Brillo again on the Daily Politics. He accused the Greeks of making false statements to the authorities about their economy. Guido agrees that such false statements are indeed as he says “outrageous”. It must be an issue close to Huhne’s heart though – the last thing that the embattled Secretary of State would want was for a Greek to make a false statement to the authorities…

He’d want them to tell the truth, right?

The Telegraph reports on Margaret Moran’s first court appearance:

“Wearing a dark suit, she could be heard crying in the dock before the hearing.”

Sarah Teather Stand-Up Routine Bombs

Not only was the act crap, Strictly wasn’t on that night, so her girl-of-the-people ruin was utterly inauthentic…

Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View

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Quote of the Day

Liz Kendall is asked by Tom Newton Dunn if she would ever ban the Sun from one of her press conferences:

“If you stripped naked and ran in front of me, Tom, I might have second thoughts about it, but apart from that, no.”

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