September 6th, 2011

Another Welsh Massage Scandal

The Welsh Government is looking for new massage and complementary therapists to “de-stress” workers” reports the BBC. Is this really a good idea though?

Welsh politics and “massage” have not gone well together in the past. Cast your memory back to 2003:

“One of Wales’s most respected politicians was found dead in a massage parlour, it was confirmed today. Police are investigating after Dr Phil Williams, former shadow Welsh economic development minister, was found dead in Cardiff parlour “A Touch of Class”.”

You have been warned boyos…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Oh jesus!

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Waste of money!

    When people are stressed about the amount of money stolen from them by the state these public sector parasites just take the fucking piss.

  3. 3
    Tom Badwind says:

    Ed has ordered everyone to stay ‘ on massage ‘ at the forthcoming Liebour party conference.

  4. 4
    My Lord Kinnockio of WindBag says:

    How about giving them tapes of my speeches?

    They’re very calming boyo!

  5. 5
    Engineer says:

    Couldn’t they save the public’s money by massaging each other? It’s not as some of them lack practice.

  6. 6
    Barry says:

    Will it be compulsory for all staff to attend? Is time allocated in the working day? Is it a substitute for counselling?

  7. 7
    Loungelizard says:

    If you want your figures massaged get a good accountant. You know it makes sense.

  8. 8
    Billy Blowhard is the worst shag ever ! says:

    If you’re employed your employer is wasting shed loads on you, tosser!

  9. 9
    Ed says:

    “The Welsh Government ..”

    Shome mishtake, shurely? Ed

  10. 10
    Enough! says:

    Welsh AMs: too thick to toss themselves off.

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Your dumb comment shows you didn’t read the article. Idiot.

  12. 12
    Engineer says:

    Found dead in a massage parlour?

    Either the masseuse was dreadful, or she was VERY good….

  13. 13
    Gordon Brown says:

    Dear Sirs

    I would like to apply for the post as I have the necessary skills to make a positive contribution.

    I am used to manipulating things and people respond well to my shouts of encouragement. I seem to be able to motivate people to move very quickly at the first twitch of my Nokia

  14. 14
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Al beeb not entirely complementary about Burnham’s efforts to justify signing of Mid Staffs NHS Trust – claimed he based his decision on 4 lines of text, which didn’t include information re death rates.

    The transcript might be interesting reading. Tomorrow Bradshaw is taking the stand.

  15. 15
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    “The Welsh Government is looking for new massage and complementary therapists to “de-stress” workers” reports the BBC. Is this really a good idea though?

  16. 16
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Massage Parlours? They’re innocent places I tell you!

    What do you call a Welsh Brothel?

    A Field.

    What do you call a shaven Welsh prostitute?


    What’s dumb as fuck, repetative, and posts on this blog every five minutes?


  17. 17
    Engineer says:

    Unless you’re Jim Devine, in which case you don’t need an accountant, just a friendly printer.

  18. 18
    Taffy boy says:

    The massage parlour in question was in Bute Street, right in the heart of Tiger Bay, the meanest part of ‘old’ Cardiff – in a row of four almost-identical establishments!

    After arriving in Cardiff on a Monday, apparently good old Phil frequented each of them once a week – before nipping home to his dutiful wife (to do the dutiful, no doubt) on a Friday afternoon.

    Fair play to him – for a twathead that’s quite a performance!

  19. 19
    Mensch is on the case says:

    Louise Mensch is on cracking form exposing first editions of the NOW reporting Milli Dowler’s voice mails that were pulled.

    THE NOW Chap is panicking

  20. 20
    Peter Fucking Carter says:

    They told him he couldn’t put it on his credit card as ‘Cardiff stationary supplies’ and he had a heart attack at their rudeness.

  21. 21
    Loungelizard says:

    Why do Welsh farmers now wear kilts? sheep have learned to recognize the sound of a zip being pulled down.

  22. 22
    Oh dear the BBC will like this says:

    Tom Crone’s face has gone bright red. The Blush of guilt.

  23. 23
    Justice is sweet says:

    I’m still enjoying the Moran charges. Can we have thread after thread just repeating that she’s been charged 21 times? We should rub it in! :-D

  24. 24
    English Taxpayer says:

    Calming = soporific.

  25. 25

    At the touch of arse massage parlour.

  26. 26
    Hear hear ! says:

    Lets have Brown up for Treason and Blair up for Crimes against Humanity!

  27. 27
    here we go again says:

    Another “goverment” pissing public money all over the wall, how many “goverments” do we have on our backs stealing our money,time for real uncivil servant cutbacks and cutting the MPs, MSPs and any other P’s down to what the taxpayers can really afford, oh! and fck your global warming scam rusty that would save us billions.

  28. 28
    Loungelizard says:

    See the Beeb headline, ‘London Mayor defends riot police’ doesn’t give you a lot of confidence in them does it. Boris out there protecting the noncers in blue from our feral yoof.

  29. 29
    Selohesra says:

    I’ve never shed my load over any employees – (mores the pity)

  30. 30
    Polyp Toynpee says:

    About as calming as this

  31. 31
    anonymousse says:

    Humility too.

  32. 32
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    State dependent thugs v state dependent thugs.

    What a choice.

  33. 33
    dickiebo says:

    “One of Wales’s most respected politicians was found dead in a massage parlour, ….”
    Can we make it compulsory?

  34. 34
    TBM says:

    Kent County Council subsidise massages for staff too. How prevalent it this?

  35. 35
    John Fatcunt Prescott, Lord of all he Surveys says:

    I ‘ave

  36. 36
    ffs says:

    “respected politicians“?

    Who respects politicians now? Respect for the deluded, gerrymandering, corrupt, perverted, troughing fuckers ended years ago.

  37. 37
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    And, as he’s such a strong leader, everyone will obey the order. Won’t you, Mr Balls?

  38. 38
    Jane Griffiths should be put down says:

    This c unt was an MP. Her tweets read like the ravings of a retarded lunatic.

  39. 39
    Tax Payer says:

    But……they’ve already admitted hacking Millie’s phone?

    What are they achieving by reading the headlines out?

    Or are they grandstanding again?

  40. 40
    Farmer Giles says:

    Tis isn’t going to have a happy ending.

  41. 41
    Head of The Corporate Wellness Division in a Town Hall near you says:

    We seek to ensure the wellness of all our staff and as such, our chief responsibility is to satisfy their needs in as many respects as we possibly can given that the output per person is a direct function of their wellness which is directly affected by their ambient working environment and the de facto moods and state of wellness of their peers and corporate colleagues which in turn is directly affected by the ever changing moods and waves of emotion emanating from the world about them and how they see their world, their Weltanschauung as it were . . .

    Anyway do you want me to toss you off or not?

  42. 42
    Sir William Waad says:

    This sort of thing rubs me up the wrong way.

  43. 43
    shagger says:


  44. 44
    A Complimentary Therapist says:

    My! You’re looking FANTASTIC today!

  45. 45
    bergen says:

    Almost all new public spending projects in Wales are in Cardiff so that the AMs and their staffs can enjoy themselves.This sums them up.

    They would be outraged if vicious Tory cuts took these vital services from them.

  46. 46
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    anyone reckon i could get a grant to study monkiers and thought prosess behind them?

  47. 47

    Blair has never commited a crime against humility.

  48. 48
    Dirty Hari says:

    Its worth a try.

  49. 49
    Tessa Tickles says:

    And there was me thinking it was the Welsh Assembly. Are the beeb allowed to redefine these things on whim? Wherever the beeb says is the truth?

    They’ve already renamed the Scottish Executive “the Scottish Government”. What next?

  50. 50
    Billy's Mum says:

    Well done Billy, first again – but I wouldprefer if you did not take the name of our Lord in vain – the ladies at the Bingo will be really cross and will be on at me.

  51. 51
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Stop it Mummy, it is embarasin when you rite about me – this is where I work and you are showin meup

  52. 52
    A complimentary thespian says:

    “MY DEAR FELLOW! You’re looking divinely inspired today. Loved you in that Lynx Advert.. A triumph!”

  53. 53
    Gareth says:

    Wow, this brings me back to my poor student days when I worked at the Chinese down the road from A Touch of Class. The girls used to call for special fried rice after a hard night’s work and asked us to deliver even they are less than a minute away. The reason? They couldn’t be bothered to put their clothes back on. My boss loved it!

  54. 54
    AC1 says:

    Government employment schemes are always a load of wank.

  55. 55
    Tessa Tickles says:

    That’s what I was thinking. The beeb obviously operate on a policy of “if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.”

  56. 56
    Hugh Janus says:

    Obviously we are sending far too much money to the Welsh so-called ‘Government’, so with all that money sloshing around they have to find ways of spending it. On the other hand we could save them the trouble….

  57. 57
    Bin bang bosh says:

    Now do the one about SamCam’s windfarms again.

  58. 58
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I have jst real alised that im a complte huhne – i wont post any more coments here becose its to embarasin

  59. 59
    AC1 says:

    Taxation is too booku.

  60. 60
    The welsh self assembly says:

    Its either spending it on massages, see, or doing something about the shithole that is Merthyr Tydfil, isn’t it?.

    I mean, there’s not much point in spending taxpayers money on that chav hole is there?
    Better for us to piss it up the wall in the Assembly than let those benefits plebs use it for drink, and literally piss it up the walls, eh, boyo?

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    Stolen any good monikers today TaT.

  62. 62
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Fook you I’ll put on my expenses!!

  63. 63
    Sir William Waad says:

    Perhaps the pols could, instead, try behaving reasonably towards the staff.

  64. 64
    Saves the wear on the sheep though boyo says:

    How bad is it going to get. We are now at the stage where this load of tossers can’t actually do it themselves! Are we going to end up having to employ someone to come for them too?

  65. 65
    B£iar says:

    I love it when you talk about me!

  66. 66
    I've read that before somewhere says:

    Plagiarism I say; plagiarism

  67. 67
    Sam Cam says:


  68. 68
    Leave the sheep alone says:

    As the sheep said to the bishop.

  69. 69
    Prize Clot (of Hull) says:

    would save me a lot of wear and tear!

  70. 70
    Twitteratti says:

    I thought that you had to be certified in order to be allowed to use twitter.

  71. 71
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    A couple of grand on a bulldozer would be a wise investment of taxpayers’ money.

  72. 72
    Yes Man says:



    and yes

    and it WILL be public – so they see they get value

  73. 73
    Margie Moron says:

    I need a massage. I have massive stress.

  74. 74
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Has Steve Morgan been there?

  75. 75
    down with eco loons says:

    Keep it in the family!

  76. 76
    2 ton Tessa - E wing says:

    come ere darlin!

  77. 77
    Alternative therapist says:

    your stiff neck there. Its all down to Thatch

  78. 78
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Be Fair. The AM’s and their staffs are just following the EU rules.

  79. 79
    Engineer says:

    The only people who respect politicians are other politicians (sometimes) and journalists when they want an ‘unattributable briefing’.

  80. 80
    Gordon Brown says:

    Good luck Andy!

  81. 81
    Dudley Zoo says:

    Halitosis featured Toynbee states “left-wing people are more intelligent, and just generally better people” – this in itself shows the pig shit thickery of the left

    Oink oink oink you are pig shit thick Toynbee

  82. 82
    Being born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life says:

    I hope his wife has been tested for STDs!
    A pox on his memory!

  83. 83
    Hunter Gavin says:

    There appears to be a correlation between the words shit hole, corruption, waste and the Labour Party

  84. 84

    Take your Statins, chaps, or at least middle youth bon viveurs. It’s better than checking out while she does you right up the mulhadra chakra…

  85. 85
    Old Blue Eyes says:

    Should not Jesus start with a capital letter? I say Billy should be punished and let the punishment fit the crime. Yep – capital punishment.

  86. 86
    Stinkfinger says:

    ‘Better people’ Didn’t the Nazis think they were better than everyone else as well?

  87. 87
    Being born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life says:

    Especially for MPs in other parts of the country:-

  88. 88
    The Sons of Owain Glyndwr says:

    You have have lost your way, you are refering to Gordon’s country

  89. 89
    Col. Nut says:

    I used to watch Dallas but I don’t remember you.

  90. 90
    Stinkfinger says:

    No need for oil when you massage a politician.
    Especially Keith Vaz,he comes ready basted.

  91. 91
    Nemo says:

    Tiger bay isn’t that like a certain district in Amsterdam

  92. 92
    Col. Nut says:

    Scandals are always discovered in Wales due to the leeks.

  93. 93
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “A massage from the Swedish (Welsh) Prime Minister”

  94. 94
    Col. Nut says:

    He’s always been an oily basted.

  95. 95

    Is this part of the expenses you can claim for NOW. He will join a great line of Politicians who cant Stop F–king EVERTHING.

  96. 96
    A Welsh Assembly worker says:




    Oh yes!!!

  97. 97
    Kinnochio says:

    We’re all alright, we’re all alright!

  98. 98
    Polly von Toynbee says:

    Linken Menschen sind intelligent, und nur allgemein besseren Menschen

  99. 99
    OilyAllOver says:

    don’t rub it in

  100. 100
    Archer Karcher says:

    I don’t think you could call it respect, it’s more like a pimp / whore relationship.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Would that be Louise “Carpetbagger” Bagshawe – formerly a paid up Tony Blair supporter ? What strange bedfellows the H2B attracts.

  102. 102
    Ah! Monika says:

    £6.00 a session. That’s a bit much to have an out of work miner rub you up the wrong way.

  103. 103
    the old Dufflebag says:

    ot but watching bunter watson questioning the former editor and legal beagle today is an offensive experience…he is a creep at work..class A slimey double talking scumbag

  104. 104
    Sue Denim says:

    Stationary or Stationery? I suppose if he was dead it could be the former.

  105. 105
    A Valley Sheep says:

    You forget that the Welsh Assembly built a vainglorious towering glass edifice in Merthyr to accommodate their plentiful pen-pushing drones.

    Meanwhile, the historic buildings of the town (the few that are left) are derelict eyesores. Left to rot with no future plans.

    After generations of Labour and WDA graft, I’m suprised there is anything left of the town at all.

    At the moment, Miller Argent is busy devouring the place with a massive open cast coal mine.

    The population of Merther were almost entirely agains this, but no doubt the right Labout politicians of the borough had their palms sufficiently greased to alllow it.

    Next up for Merthyr, a massive waste incinerator (with probable carcinogenic byproducts).

    That’s Labour in Merthyr: putting the people’s interests second to lining their own pockets with bribe money.

  106. 106
    Politicians are CUNTS says:

    and alarmingly

    The Director of Public Prosecutions said there were no more parliamentary expenses fraud cases awaiting review.

    are the c’unts going to get away with it?????

  107. 107
    Steve Miliband says:

    You know your onions Nut

  108. 108
    I don't need no doctor says:

    The trouble with Tom Watson is his armoury, which is made up of innuendo, spin, conjecture and hearsay. That is hardly going to trouble the ex NOW legal eagle.
    Watson is so out of his depth, mind you if he had any guts (yes I know he has big guts) he would accuse the NOW personnel of lying. But he won’t because he has no facts and no proof and dare not.
    Oh and Tom, please do something about your complexion. Maybe cut out the daily 2 kilos of chips.

  109. 109
    Archer Karcher says:

    Surely that is the entire problem? Sheep led by lemmings, not a brain cell worthy of the name between them.

  110. 110
    Tessie's Toy Boy says:

    Oh Tessie why haven’t you wrung me recently? I’ll either have to go to Wales or do it myself!

  111. 111
    Archer Karcher says:

    Cut out the chips? What else is he going to put on his shoulders?

  112. 112
    Sir Leslie Colin Patterson says:

    I stopped over in Bangkok as you do for a bit of the old rumpy-pumpy, and the little fella on the porters’ desk slipped me the address of an establishment which he said would meet all my needs and then some. Hell of a job finding the place, down all kinda winding alleys but I found the joint, (or so I thought, but more of that later) was met a by a lively LBFM (that’s a lttle brown f***ing machine, for you Poms) who told me to get ready while she got her ‘equipment’. Anyway I got the old polyester leisure kit off, and was lounging in enjoyable anticipation when she came back in with a dish of scissors, nail files etc, – seems I had fucked up the directions and wound up in a chiropodists! Anyway she dropped the whole shebang on the floor and screamed “That’s not a foot!!” “Near enough”, I replied…..

  113. 113
    Airey Belvoir says:

    The best place to enjoy a sheepy romance? The edge of a cliff – “they push back lovely, boyo.”

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    thought it was a clock shop , and said slap a couple of hands on this…… ok I’m going

  115. 115
    Qui whatever it is in latin ending up in custody old cock says:

    How much does the DPP earn?

  116. 116
    Brecon beckons says:

    You could get slated for bad puns about Wales

  117. 117
  118. 118
    Dino says:

    beeb right – you wrong

    It is Welsh Government and Scottish Government

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    Beeb wrong Dino wrong.

    Despite the egotists in Cardiff Bay now refering to themselves as the Welsh government they are legally the Welsh Assembly Government and all legislative papers have to be labelled as such to satisfy legal requirements.

    Carwyn and his little band of incompetent halfwits just call themselves the Welsh government to satisy their own vanity.

  120. 120
    The Other Bloke says:

    Thai Massage–full body contact, lots of oil.
    Swedish Massage- energetic pummelling and kneading.
    Vietnamese massage–joint-cracking and back walking.
    Pelvic Massage–a euphemism
    Welsh Massage? Is that the one where they steal your wallet when your trousers are down?

  121. 121
    Alfred Nobel says:

    Try dynamite, it’s cheaper.

  122. 122
    The Other Bloke says:

    The Welsh Assembly Government maintains offices in Brussels, New York, Sydney, Beijing and Shanghai, Hong Kong, Mumbai and Bangalore, Tokyo, Dubai, Munich, Milan, and two in London.
    While the Welsh Language Board was gifted £138 million in 2009/10 the assembly still spent £38 million for “Welsh Language costs”. The Assembly Government refuses to reveal staff costs for 2010/2011. The latest available figures for the costs of operating the “Assembly Government” alone are from 2007 and show £41 million. This does not include the cost of the Welsh Office, civil service costs or massages and brothel expenses.

  123. 123
    The Cabinet Secretary says:


  124. 124
    Rebbekah, hipping Norton (reverse charges) says:

    Up to £10,000 for photo of Watson in Welsh Massage Parlour. £20,000 for photo on Hampstead Heath or Clapham Common. £50,000 for exclusive interview with breathless Blodwyn, age 19, re: moment of passion or Giles, 39 re: shame and degradation.

  125. 125
    Namee Witheld due to legal reasons says:

    £200,000 p.a. plus generous perks and benefits to prosecute wrongdoers.
    About £5 million in the Bank of Grand Cayman and a guaranteed blue-chip future not to.

  126. 126
    M says:

    Least he wasn’t found hanging out the back of a sheep tied to a lamp post !

  127. 127
    Anonymous says:

    Gold… Finger……. the Man with the sorest BUUUM( don’t write e’m like that any-more..) sigh Shirley Brassy

  128. 128
    AAA ( anti assembly activist) says:


    WRONG !!!!!

    it is the welsh assembly government, the title welsh government is one they have invented to glorify themselves. The only way the OFFICIAL title of Welsh Assembly Government will change is if the governance of Wales act 2006 is changed.

  129. 129
    HappyUK says:

    I remember the City Road area in Cardiff having loads of massage parlours when I was there. All basically brothels.

  130. 130
    Paul says:

    Interestingly it’s on Woodville Road, not in the Bay, in fact nowhere near the Bay

  131. 131
    Anonymous says:

    He had a “Tear in his EYE he had his co@ck cut off and shoved up his ass. his missus said” I told you it Hurt’s”

  132. 132
    Archie says:

    That bitch looks as mad as a motherfucker!

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