September 6th, 2011

Another Welsh Massage Scandal

The Welsh Government is looking for new massage and complementary therapists to “de-stress” workers” reports the BBC. Is this really a good idea though?

Welsh politics and “massage” have not gone well together in the past. Cast your memory back to 2003:

“One of Wales’s most respected politicians was found dead in a massage parlour, it was confirmed today. Police are investigating after Dr Phil Williams, former shadow Welsh economic development minister, was found dead in Cardiff parlour “A Touch of Class”.”

You have been warned boyos…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Oh jesus!


    • 12
      Engineer says:

      Found dead in a massage parlour?

      Either the masseuse was dreadful, or she was VERY good….


      • 20
        Peter Fucking Carter says:

        They told him he couldn’t put it on his credit card as ‘Cardiff stationary supplies’ and he had a heart attack at their rudeness.


      • 112
        Sir Leslie Colin Patterson says:

        I stopped over in Bangkok as you do for a bit of the old rumpy-pumpy, and the little fella on the porters’ desk slipped me the address of an establishment which he said would meet all my needs and then some. Hell of a job finding the place, down all kinda winding alleys but I found the joint, (or so I thought, but more of that later) was met a by a lively LBFM (that’s a lttle brown f***ing machine, for you Poms) who told me to get ready while she got her ‘equipment’. Anyway I got the old polyester leisure kit off, and was lounging in enjoyable anticipation when she came back in with a dish of scissors, nail files etc, – seems I had fucked up the directions and wound up in a chiropodists! Anyway she dropped the whole shebang on the floor and screamed “That’s not a foot!!” “Near enough”, I replied…..


        • 120
          The Other Bloke says:

          Thai Massage–full body contact, lots of oil.
          Swedish Massage- energetic pummelling and kneading.
          Vietnamese massage–joint-cracking and back walking.
          Pelvic Massage–a euphemism
          Welsh Massage? Is that the one where they steal your wallet when your trousers are down?


    • 54
      AC1 says:

      Government employment schemes are always a load of wank.


    • 59
      AC1 says:

      Taxation is too booku.


    • 63
      Sir William Waad says:

      Perhaps the pols could, instead, try behaving reasonably towards the staff.


    • 85
      Old Blue Eyes says:

      Should not Jesus start with a capital letter? I say Billy should be punished and let the punishment fit the crime. Yep – capital punishment.


    • 126
      M says:

      Least he wasn’t found hanging out the back of a sheep tied to a lamp post !


  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Waste of money!

    When people are stressed about the amount of money stolen from them by the state these public sector parasites just take the fucking piss.


    • 8
      Billy Blowhard is the worst shag ever ! says:

      If you’re employed your employer is wasting shed loads on you, tosser!


      • 29
        Selohesra says:

        I’ve never shed my load over any employees – (mores the pity)


        • 35
          John Fatcunt Prescott, Lord of all he Surveys says:

          I ‘ave


          • Head of The Corporate Wellness Division in a Town Hall near you says:

            We seek to ensure the wellness of all our staff and as such, our chief responsibility is to satisfy their needs in as many respects as we possibly can given that the output per person is a direct function of their wellness which is directly affected by their ambient working environment and the de facto moods and state of wellness of their peers and corporate colleagues which in turn is directly affected by the ever changing moods and waves of emotion emanating from the world about them and how they see their world, their Weltanschauung as it were . . .

            Anyway do you want me to toss you off or not?


    • 11
      Anonymous says:

      Your dumb comment shows you didn’t read the article. Idiot.


      • 15
        Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

        “The Welsh Government is looking for new massage and complementary therapists to “de-stress” workers” reports the BBC. Is this really a good idea though?


        • 49
          Tessa Tickles says:

          And there was me thinking it was the Welsh Assembly. Are the beeb allowed to redefine these things on whim? Wherever the beeb says is the truth?

          They’ve already renamed the Scottish Executive “the Scottish Government”. What next?


          • Dino says:

            beeb right – you wrong

            It is Welsh Government and Scottish Government


          • AAA ( anti assembly activist) says:


            WRONG !!!!!

            it is the welsh assembly government, the title welsh government is one they have invented to glorify themselves. The only way the OFFICIAL title of Welsh Assembly Government will change is if the governance of Wales act 2006 is changed.


    • 43
      A Complimentary Therapist says:

      My! You’re looking FANTASTIC today!


      • 52
        A complimentary thespian says:

        “MY DEAR FELLOW! You’re looking divinely inspired today. Loved you in that Lynx Advert.. A triumph!”


      • 77
        Alternative therapist says:

        your stiff neck there. Its all down to Thatch


      • 119
        Anonymous says:

        Beeb wrong Dino wrong.

        Despite the egotists in Cardiff Bay now refering to themselves as the Welsh government they are legally the Welsh Assembly Government and all legislative papers have to be labelled as such to satisfy legal requirements.

        Carwyn and his little band of incompetent halfwits just call themselves the Welsh government to satisy their own vanity.


  3. 3
    Tom Badwind says:

    Ed has ordered everyone to stay ‘ on massage ‘ at the forthcoming Liebour party conference.


    • 37
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      And, as he’s such a strong leader, everyone will obey the order. Won’t you, Mr Balls?


  4. 4
    My Lord Kinnockio of WindBag says:

    How about giving them tapes of my speeches?

    They’re very calming boyo!


  5. 5
    Engineer says:

    Couldn’t they save the public’s money by massaging each other? It’s not as some of them lack practice.


  6. 6
    Barry says:

    Will it be compulsory for all staff to attend? Is time allocated in the working day? Is it a substitute for counselling?


  7. 7
    Loungelizard says:

    If you want your figures massaged get a good accountant. You know it makes sense.


  8. 9
    Ed says:

    “The Welsh Government ..”

    Shome mishtake, shurely? Ed


    • 55
      Tessa Tickles says:

      That’s what I was thinking. The beeb obviously operate on a policy of “if you repeat a lie often enough, it becomes the truth.”


  9. 10
    Enough! says:

    Welsh AMs: too thick to toss themselves off.


  10. 13
    Gordon Brown says:

    Dear Sirs

    I would like to apply for the post as I have the necessary skills to make a positive contribution.

    I am used to manipulating things and people respond well to my shouts of encouragement. I seem to be able to motivate people to move very quickly at the first twitch of my Nokia


  11. 14
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Al beeb not entirely complementary about Burnham’s efforts to justify signing of Mid Staffs NHS Trust – claimed he based his decision on 4 lines of text, which didn’t include information re death rates.

    The transcript might be interesting reading. Tomorrow Bradshaw is taking the stand.


  12. 16
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Massage Parlours? They’re innocent places I tell you!

    What do you call a Welsh Brothel?

    A Field.

    What do you call a shaven Welsh prostitute?


    What’s dumb as fuck, repetative, and posts on this blog every five minutes?



  13. 18
    Taffy boy says:

    The massage parlour in question was in Bute Street, right in the heart of Tiger Bay, the meanest part of ‘old’ Cardiff – in a row of four almost-identical establishments!

    After arriving in Cardiff on a Monday, apparently good old Phil frequented each of them once a week – before nipping home to his dutiful wife (to do the dutiful, no doubt) on a Friday afternoon.

    Fair play to him – for a twathead that’s quite a performance!


  14. 19
    Mensch is on the case says:

    Louise Mensch is on cracking form exposing first editions of the NOW reporting Milli Dowler’s voice mails that were pulled.

    THE NOW Chap is panicking


    • 21
      Oh dear the BBC will like this says:

      Tom Crone’s face has gone bright red. The Blush of guilt.


    • 39
      Tax Payer says:

      But……they’ve already admitted hacking Millie’s phone?

      What are they achieving by reading the headlines out?

      Or are they grandstanding again?


    • 101
      Anonymous says:

      Would that be Louise “Carpetbagger” Bagshawe – formerly a paid up Tony Blair supporter ? What strange bedfellows the H2B attracts.


  15. 23
    Justice is sweet says:

    I’m still enjoying the Moran charges. Can we have thread after thread just repeating that she’s been charged 21 times? We should rub it in! :-D


  16. 26
    Hear hear ! says:

    Lets have Brown up for Treason and Blair up for Crimes against Humanity!


  17. 27
    here we go again says:

    Another “goverment” pissing public money all over the wall, how many “goverments” do we have on our backs stealing our money,time for real uncivil servant cutbacks and cutting the MPs, MSPs and any other P’s down to what the taxpayers can really afford, oh! and fck your global warming scam rusty that would save us billions.


  18. 28
    Loungelizard says:

    See the Beeb headline, ‘London Mayor defends riot police’ doesn’t give you a lot of confidence in them does it. Boris out there protecting the noncers in blue from our feral yoof.


  19. 33
    dickiebo says:

    “One of Wales’s most respected politicians was found dead in a massage parlour, ….”
    Can we make it compulsory?


    • 36
      ffs says:

      “respected politicians“?

      Who respects politicians now? Respect for the deluded, gerrymandering, corrupt, perverted, troughing fuckers ended years ago.


      • 79
        Engineer says:

        The only people who respect politicians are other politicians (sometimes) and journalists when they want an ‘unattributable briefing’.


  20. 34
    TBM says:

    Kent County Council subsidise massages for staff too. How prevalent it this?


  21. 38
    Jane Griffiths should be put down says:

    This c unt was an MP. Her tweets read like the ravings of a retarded lunatic.


  22. 40
    Farmer Giles says:

    Tis isn’t going to have a happy ending.


  23. 42
    Sir William Waad says:

    This sort of thing rubs me up the wrong way.


  24. 45
    bergen says:

    Almost all new public spending projects in Wales are in Cardiff so that the AMs and their staffs can enjoy themselves.This sums them up.

    They would be outraged if vicious Tory cuts took these vital services from them.


  25. 46
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    anyone reckon i could get a grant to study monkiers and thought prosess behind them?


  26. 53
    Gareth says:

    Wow, this brings me back to my poor student days when I worked at the Chinese down the road from A Touch of Class. The girls used to call for special fried rice after a hard night’s work and asked us to deliver even they are less than a minute away. The reason? They couldn’t be bothered to put their clothes back on. My boss loved it!


  27. 56
    Hugh Janus says:

    Obviously we are sending far too much money to the Welsh so-called ‘Government’, so with all that money sloshing around they have to find ways of spending it. On the other hand we could save them the trouble….


  28. 58
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    I have jst real alised that im a complte huhne – i wont post any more coments here becose its to embarasin


  29. 60
    The welsh self assembly says:

    Its either spending it on massages, see, or doing something about the shithole that is Merthyr Tydfil, isn’t it?.

    I mean, there’s not much point in spending taxpayers money on that chav hole is there?
    Better for us to piss it up the wall in the Assembly than let those benefits plebs use it for drink, and literally piss it up the walls, eh, boyo?


    • 71
      Charles Flaccidwidger says:

      A couple of grand on a bulldozer would be a wise investment of taxpayers’ money.


    • 105
      A Valley Sheep says:

      You forget that the Welsh Assembly built a vainglorious towering glass edifice in Merthyr to accommodate their plentiful pen-pushing drones.

      Meanwhile, the historic buildings of the town (the few that are left) are derelict eyesores. Left to rot with no future plans.

      After generations of Labour and WDA graft, I’m suprised there is anything left of the town at all.

      At the moment, Miller Argent is busy devouring the place with a massive open cast coal mine.

      The population of Merther were almost entirely agains this, but no doubt the right Labout politicians of the borough had their palms sufficiently greased to alllow it.

      Next up for Merthyr, a massive waste incinerator (with probable carcinogenic byproducts).

      That’s Labour in Merthyr: putting the people’s interests second to lining their own pockets with bribe money.


      • 122
        The Other Bloke says:

        The Welsh Assembly Government maintains offices in Brussels, New York, Sydney, Beijing and Shanghai, Hong Kong, Mumbai and Bangalore, Tokyo, Dubai, Munich, Milan, and two in London.
        While the Welsh Language Board was gifted £138 million in 2009/10 the assembly still spent £38 million for “Welsh Language costs”. The Assembly Government refuses to reveal staff costs for 2010/2011. The latest available figures for the costs of operating the “Assembly Government” alone are from 2007 and show £41 million. This does not include the cost of the Welsh Office, civil service costs or massages and brothel expenses.


  30. 62
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Fook you I’ll put on my expenses!!


  31. 64
    Saves the wear on the sheep though boyo says:

    How bad is it going to get. We are now at the stage where this load of tossers can’t actually do it themselves! Are we going to end up having to employ someone to come for them too?


  32. 73
    Margie Moron says:

    I need a massage. I have massive stress.


  33. 74
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Has Steve Morgan been there?


  34. 76
    2 ton Tessa - E wing says:

    come ere darlin!


  35. 80
    Gordon Brown says:

    Good luck Andy!


  36. 81
    Dudley Zoo says:

    Halitosis featured Toynbee states “left-wing people are more intelligent, and just generally better people” – this in itself shows the pig shit thickery of the left

    Oink oink oink you are pig shit thick Toynbee


  37. 83
    Hunter Gavin says:

    There appears to be a correlation between the words shit hole, corruption, waste and the Labour Party


  38. 84

    Take your Statins, chaps, or at least middle youth bon viveurs. It’s better than checking out while she does you right up the mulhadra chakra…


  39. 87
    Being born English is to win first prize in the lottery of life says:

    Especially for MPs in other parts of the country:-


  40. 90
    Stinkfinger says:

    No need for oil when you massage a politician.
    Especially Keith Vaz,he comes ready basted.


  41. 92
    Col. Nut says:

    Scandals are always discovered in Wales due to the leeks.


  42. 93
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “A massage from the Swedish (Welsh) Prime Minister”


  43. 97
    Kinnochio says:

    We’re all alright, we’re all alright!


  44. 102
    Ah! Monika says:

    £6.00 a session. That’s a bit much to have an out of work miner rub you up the wrong way.


  45. 103
    the old Dufflebag says:

    ot but watching bunter watson questioning the former editor and legal beagle today is an offensive experience…he is a creep at work..class A slimey double talking scumbag


    • 108
      I don't need no doctor says:

      The trouble with Tom Watson is his armoury, which is made up of innuendo, spin, conjecture and hearsay. That is hardly going to trouble the ex NOW legal eagle.
      Watson is so out of his depth, mind you if he had any guts (yes I know he has big guts) he would accuse the NOW personnel of lying. But he won’t because he has no facts and no proof and dare not.
      Oh and Tom, please do something about your complexion. Maybe cut out the daily 2 kilos of chips.


      • 111
        Archer Karcher says:

        Cut out the chips? What else is he going to put on his shoulders?


      • 124
        Rebbekah, hipping Norton (reverse charges) says:

        Up to £10,000 for photo of Watson in Welsh Massage Parlour. £20,000 for photo on Hampstead Heath or Clapham Common. £50,000 for exclusive interview with breathless Blodwyn, age 19, re: moment of passion or Giles, 39 re: shame and degradation.


  46. 106
    Politicians are CUNTS says:

    and alarmingly

    The Director of Public Prosecutions said there were no more parliamentary expenses fraud cases awaiting review.

    are the c’unts going to get away with it?????


  47. 114
    Anonymous says:

    thought it was a clock shop , and said slap a couple of hands on this…… ok I’m going


  48. 129
    HappyUK says:

    I remember the City Road area in Cardiff having loads of massage parlours when I was there. All basically brothels.


  49. 131
    Anonymous says:

    He had a “Tear in his EYE he had his co@ck cut off and shoved up his ass. his missus said” I told you it Hurt’s”


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Boris on his fellow Islingtonista Emily Thornberry:

“It was an entirely run-of-the-mill English townscape, with some straightforward words to go with it. There was no obvious insult, no abuse, no overt sneering. She might have got away with it entirely, had some alert blogger not spotted it. He instantly detected the coded message that Emily Thornberry was sending to all her right-on, bien-pensant, Labour-luvvie friends in Islington, or wherever else it is that they follow her on Twitter.”

Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.

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