June 14th, 2011

The Return of the King

Andrew Grice suggests this morning that David Miliband is mulling over a surprise return to the frontbench. “Friends” have suggested:

“…there is a debate going on. Some people are arguing that it would be better to be a team player than look as though he is sulking on the sidelines.”

Having taken home over £200,000 from other jobs already this year, will David become a full-time MP again before taking on such responsibility? Not everyone seems happy at the idea, other Shad Cabbers argue that it will make the soap-opera a daily affair. As Sir Humphrey says “it is necessary to get behind someone before you can stab them in the back…”

UPDATE: As a co-conspirator points out in the comments “If you look at the Labour Party Leadership rules, if a Labour Leader steps down or is unable to remain Leader when the party is in opposition, the replacement can only be elected from among Shadow Cabinet members. So David Miliband would do himself a favour by being in it.” Punters don’t rate his chances of an early return that highly:

Jan. 1 – Jun. 30 2011   5%
Jul. 1 – Dec. 31 2011 30%
Jan. 1 – Jun. 30 2012 17%
Jul. 1 – Dec. 31 2012 24%
After 2012, or not at all 60%


  1. 1
    Down With Brown! says:

    In no way has, is or ever will be banana boy a king.


    • 4
      Milipede Minor says:

      I think I can rearrange those words to make a sentence


      • 22
        French can but UK cannot; both are in EU why? says:

        The vast majority of street robberies in Paris are now carried out by the children of Romanian immigrants, France’s Interior Minister has claimed.
        Claude Gueant said the notoriously poor and corrupt eastern European state is responsible for exporting some of the most notorious sneak thieves in the world.
        Many operate in gangs around the Gare du Nord Eurostar station, preying on English travellers as they arrive by high-speed train from London.
        Last year France launched an onslaught against illegal Roma camps full of Romanian immigrants which had sprung up around the French capital.
        In an interview with the Journal du Dimanche newspaper, Mr Gueant said: ‘Many illegal camps were evacuated.
        ‘However, we have to face up to another problem, that of Romanian delinquency. In Paris, 80 per cent of street robberies are committed by Romanian minors.


        • 93
          David Laws Lib Dem fiddler says:

          Why are MPs allowed to have second jobs that take more of their time than their second jobs and which we are paying their staffers to write the replies to us instead of these thieving creeps? Their first job should take all of their time. Milipede senior was taking his kids to school when he should have been at work for us which he is paid handsomely to do. How does he think the rest of us manage?


          • Sungei Patani says:

            MPs should continue with employment outside of parliament so they do not become entirely blinkered by the incestuous hot house of Westminster.

            By maintaining a second job they retain contact with the real world and consequently are better able to represent their constituents who, by definition, are not MPs.


          • Handycock, No1 Trougher in parliament says:

            I disagree with you David. I have second job as a councillor with executive responsibility for planning on Portsmouth City Council. If I did not do this job my ‘business friends’ would not get their planning permissions and the Liberal democrat Party would lose a lot of donations. My wife is also a councillor as once was my daughter also.


        • 99
          Sungei Patani says:

          Whilst interesting, this has nothing whatsoever to do with the thread of discussion and should have been posted elsewhere.


    • 18
      Spheniscinae says:

      There are many species of penguins and no way is Mili D a King or Emperor. There is though one species which fits the bill, the Macaroni penguin.


  2. 2
    nell says:

    David Miliband Ltd , whose accounts, being prepared for Companies House show it’s annual turnover will be in the region of £300k, is planning to boost profits by becoming a front bencher.



  3. 3
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    If you look at the Labour Party Leadership rules, if a Labour Leader steps down or is unable to remain Leader when the party is in opposition, the replacement can only be elected from among Shadow Cabinet members. So DM would do himself a favour by being in it.


  4. 5
    Grammar School Boy says:

    A back turned is a back stabbed!

    Good luck boys….


    • 16
      left windgers go away says:

      yes – get on with it – get it over and done with save us all the bullshit of will he won’t he.

      based on track record he is too spineless to do it, i am sure he is sponsored by the sun who like the drama and filling the news columns


      • 41
        Mornington Crescent says:

        Exactly. This is the chap with so much decisiveness and guts that he couldn’t even overthrow the indecisive and gutless MacBroon.

        Nuff said.


        • 103
          Desperate Dan says:

          Miliband the Elder made a complete pig’s ear out of being Foreign Sec so there’s no chance he’d suddenly start to shine if he were PM.


  5. 7
    Things looking dim up top says:

    Surely Labour can do better than this.

    It reminds me of when the first Pop Idol was on TV.

    All the Talant in the country and we ended up with someone who couldn’t speak properly and a sausage jockey.


  6. 8
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    A tornado fighter jet costs £40,000 per hour to keep it in the air
    Where as a Typhoon (Euro fighter) costs £70,000 per hour ! Why ?
    Do we have to pay some ridiculous levy to Brussels ?
    Or is it so shite it needs twice as many ground crew ?


    • 14
      Anon says:

      After x flying hours, fighters have to be taken apart and serviced. My guess in the Typhoons are dismantled and transported to various EU countries (engines in UK, airframe in France, flight controls in Spain or whatever). That sounds like the sort of arrangement European politicians would come up with.


    • 20
      Anonymous says:

      It’s got more complex and advanced avionics. A 1980 car costs less to have serviced than a 2007 car.


    • 54
      Poundstretcher says:

      MP expenses seem to keep going up too. Do new MPs cost more to run than the older ones that are approaching their sell-by date? Too many ground crew?


    • 63
      smoggie says:

      Maybe the Tornado is serviced in Romania?


  7. 9
    pp says:

    Putting Ed out of his misery would be a very kind and Brotherly gesture.

    So David will string it out as long as he possibly can.


  8. 11

    David: We might not be bosom buddies…..

    Ed: But we’re certainly a pair of tits.


  9. 12
    Barry says:

    Who is going to provide the extra food etc now that so many more babies are going to have a longer life thanks to vaccination given by UK tax payers?


    • 17
      Dave U-Turn Cameron says:

      Don’t ask difficult (if obvious) questions.


    • 21
      I don't need no doctor says:

      Could you stand by and not give every baby in the world a chance? Just think how lucky you are to live in a country with decent health care.
      There is too much bullshit in this country.


      • 32
        Mr Nice says:

        Even if it were true – which it isn’t – that we lived in a country with decent healthcare, it would be because we worked for it, rather than sitting around consulting witchdoctors and sharpening machetes all day long.

        Dave has borrowed £820million to save children from disease, only for them to starve. No doubt he’ll borrow another £820million to feed them.


    • 27
      nell says:

      monsanto and caroline spelman have a profitable plan for that.


    • 104
      Desperate Dan says:

      They’ll all need guns so we’ll benefit through arms exports.


  10. 13
    Tony Bliar middle east peace envoy says:

    Great banana man is back to save the day……..Oh Hillary will be pleased, that will make the dried up old witch a little moist…..


  11. 15
    Ed Balls, Shallow Chancer says:

    Keep your friends close and your enemies closer….Sun Tzu.


    • 28
      misterned says:

      You beat me to it. I was going to write that, so I’ll add my tuppence worth on the Quote of the day:

      Ed begins to understand the task ahead of him:

      “Government is not like delivering pizza…”

      How would he know? He has had a proper job. He has never so much as delivered a pizza. The man is a fuckwit.


      • 33
        P. Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

        As an accomplished slime ball, I like this one:-

        Better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside pissing in. (Lynden B. Johnson, of J. Edgar Hoover)


      • 40
        Tessa Tickles says:

        I think he’s actually quite correct.

        Delivering pizza is about a courteous person delivering the correct product, as specified by the customer, at a reasonable price, in a timely manner.

        Government is not like that at all. It’s about a department of 10,000 faceless and arrogant civil servants delivering a product that they think is correct, totally against the wishes on the customer, at an extortionate price, late, if at all. And then they fine you if you don’t like it.


    • 57
      sonofselsdonman says:

      And your brother closer still!


  12. 19
    Any real conservatives left out there? says:

    The Guido smokescreen continues to cover up the Conservative U Turns

    Bring back the Queen herself!


    • 24
      I don't need no doctor says:

      The labour smokescreen far outweighs that of the Conservatives. It’s time you lot admitted how much damage you did to the country. However I guess you are happy to live the lie.


      • 58
        Any real conservatives left out there? says:

        twice you lot have bankrupted the country, looks like you have a rose tinted view of history, you and your union friends


    • 29
      misterned says:

      Where from? I was unaware she had gone anywhere.


    • 88
      Pedro Madnellies' son says:

      I’m back from the Bob The Builderbuger meeting.


    • 105
      Desperate Dan says:

      Good idea. it makes sound economic sense. The entire royal family only costs 60p a day per head of population.


  13. 25
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:


    Did you ever here the story of the Milliband twins ?
    As like each other as two new pins
    Of one womb born on the self same day
    how one stole the job
    and the other made him pay !


  14. 25
    Mili Bros says:

    But aren’t you missing the obvious Guido? David M can only join the shadow cabinet if the leader of the shadow cabinet invites him in. That is hardly likely now after last weekend’s events.


  15. 30
    jgm2 says:

    Having taken home over £200,000 from other jobs already this year

    Surely, with tax at 52%, he’s ‘only’ taken home £96,000 of that. That’ll teach him. If he hadn’t been in such a rush to distract from Brown’s economic fuckwittery by trying to blame ‘the rich’ he’d now be £24,000 better off.

    Hahahaha. Useless, gurning c*unt.


    • 35
      I don't need no doctor says:

      He can still buy a lot of bananas though.


    • 42
      Trinny says:

      Depends. He’ll max out on “business” expenses to reduce the taxable profit. The company will pay tax at a reduced rate and he will only pay personal tax on any monies taken out of the business as salary/dividend. If he has paid over £100k tax he should sack his accountant.


    • 47
      Pig E Banque says:

      Petty cash, dear boy. Who needs it?


    • 48
      Steve Miliband says:

      Will be David Miliband Ltd or something, take out exes and pay a dividend = much less tax. Remember the Milibands have form in tax minimisation.


    • 106
      Desperate Dan says:

      If he’s got the same accountant as Blair his money will have disappeared into a maze of off-shore accounts well out of reach of the tax man.


  16. 34
    I don't need no doctor says:

    That well known liar Ed Balls seems to be lying low. Any news?


    • 45
      Hugh Janus says:

      He and McBust share many completely odious characteristics, one of which is to run away when the going gets rough. At the moment he is holed up in a darkened room, praying earnestly and quivering with anticipation at the thought of more bad trade figures, whereupon the bully-boy coward will burst forth from the room shouting “I told you so!!”


    • 51
      Steve Miliband says:

      He’s breathing = he’s lying, even in his thoughts.


    • 61
      Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb says:

      It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.


  17. 37
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Sir Mark Stanhope Tells the world
    that the armed forces cannot sustain the military operation in Libya for more than six months
    Well that’s the best news Gadaffi has had since the conflict began
    It’s a good job this prick wasn’t in charge during the second world was
    Hitler would have been made up by the news !

    Cock !


  18. 38
    Trinny says:

    I’ve finally realised the point to these stupid thumbs up/down buttons.

    It’s a gladiator thing…thumbs up to save Ed, thumbs down to finish him off.


  19. 49
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Extra Extra Read All About it !

    reporting that todays downing street u turn is
    no return to weekly bin collections
    despite Call me BullShit pledging it in the tory manifesto
    and he had the brass to challenge labour about it when he was campaigning

    have a look at Spain ,Portugal France ,Italy
    Bins collected Every Day Dave, Every Day
    and you find it impossible to sort out collections once a week
    Do you not feel embarrassed ? Dip Shit !


    • 66
      nell says:

      Why do we need a weekly bin collection?

      We have 3 bins , black (household rubbish), green (recycling) and brown (garden rubbish)

      The black bin is collected one week and the green and brown bin is collected the next week.

      It works a treat and has done so for many years. The idiot is pickles for wanting to change it.

      What he should be doing is concentrating on getting rid of all those quangoes and non-jobs in local govt that are costing us £billions.


      • 72
        MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

        Like you my black bin is collected every week
        but most of the country only have it (The black bin ) collected every fortnight
        That is the problem !


        • 84
          nell says:

          Frankie you misunderstand me. Our black bin is only collected every other week. In alternate weeks they collect the brown and green instead.

          It works!

          Have just listened to some idiot on the radio saying because they only collect his rubbish fortnightly his children are having to play in heaps of rotting household waste spread around the garden in splitting bags.

          All that says to me is that he is being slovenly and lazy in not clearing up his own waste . His slobbish ways are Not an indication that the council’s fortnightly bin collection policy is not working! And if his garden is in that much of a state why doesn’t he clear it up and take it to the tip. Then he should get a spade and dig it and get his kids to help him set some plants in it. They’d be much happier little bunnies then!!


      • 100
        Titford Hat says:

        I’ve only got one bin. Some weeks it’s full, some it isn’t.
        If they change to fortnightly what am I going to do if the bin is full
        after one week? I haven’t got room for two bins.


    • 77
      Eeu to me says:

      £800 million to piss on the “poor” of the world, it’s as if the Britain is the only country with a goverment and health services and any compassion, £120million to reinstate the weekly bins, it appears we are the only country that is germ free and can afford to have our bins emptied fortnightly, somewhere when we voted for rusty warmonger Cameron and his tossers they told us pure lies and bullshit,twat we are forced to pay for these services, what happened to a political party called the Conservatives .


      • 95
        Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

        I have two wheelie bins, one green lidded (for general waste), one orange lidded (for garden waste/cardboard), a small green trough (tin cans, plastic, glass), a blue trough (newpaper/magazines) and, recently added, a brown kitchen caddy for food waste complete with ‘yeast bags’ for liners!

        The green & blue troughs and caddy are collected weekly, the orange/geen lid wheelies on alternate weeks.

        Anything oversize, and it’s up to you to get it to the municipal dump (an action which is frowned on in the city councils periodical newspaper).

        “We only recycled 23% of waste last year, but we now we can do better. Our target is now 40% and f you do not make this, we will have to fine you by increasing your council taxes”.


  20. 54
    Bill d'Sarse says:

    Same old same old. Would anyone actually notice any difference?


  21. 60
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    How many Royal families does this country need?


  22. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Good government is about ditching all the policies you announced at the general election just to save your coalition partners.



  23. 64
    free loader says:


    • 67
      MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

      Saniflow turbo flush salesman
      “Thats what you thought it was “


    • 68
      Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Banjos,Punches, Croquet, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

      I’ve been macerated in Taxpayer subsided sustenance all my working life.


    • 76
      Spank Sinatra says:

      Does that awful woman really think that anyone gives a damn what was available on the terrace cafeteria. Has she really got nothing better to do ffs!


  24. 71
    My blood pressure is reaching dangerous levels says:

    Why has everything in this bloody country became so c*** ? All our institutions seemed to be staffed and run by spastics and fifth columnists. I am trying to forget politics and the antics of our latest teenage Premier by listening to radio Three, once one of the glories of British cultural life, and all i’m hearing this morning is the winsome Sara Mohr Pietsch go on and on and on about f***ing ear worms. For God’s sake woman go and get a job as a musical therapist–it’s your niche, not helping to ruin radio Three.


  25. 75
    Mr Bridgen - Natural Science teacher says:

    ‘The King is back'; he’s want to be in charge of a dung pile call liebore!


  26. 78
    Man on the Clapham Omnibus says:

    Surely “Return of the Mong”

    Reinforced by his expression.


  27. 79
    nell says:


    I see the tory mp for corby and eastnorthants has an interesting view as to why neither militwit or bullyballs will make no.10.

    She thinks yvettecooper could be the labour party’s MrsT in waiting.

    Thinking about it she could be right.


  28. 82
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The way the MP’s expences claims are going up
    even fucking labour MP’s will vote for Cameron next time !


  29. 83
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The way the MP’s expences claims are going up
    even fucking labour MP’s will vote for Cameron next time !

    Moded ?


  30. 86
    Thats News says:

    Unless there are plans for a palace coup at the Labour Party Conference? And as was pointed out he has to be in it to win it. (The Shadow Cabinet, that is)


  31. 96
    Billy Ruffian says:

    “If you look at the Labour Party Leadership rules, if a Labour Leader steps down or is unable to remain Leader when the party is in opposition, the replacement can only be elected from among Shadow Cabinet members. So David Miliband would do himself a favour by being in it.”

    But surely in May 2010, Labour were in opposition, with Darling, Miliband, Johnson etc. being the shadow cabinet? How, then, was Diane Abbott able to stand for leader…?


  32. 101
    Anonymous says:

    There is no Labour plot against Ed, and the current polls have him on course to win the next General Election.

    The right wing press and the Blairites are just worried that Ed might actually be a social democrat who they can’t corrupt and that Ed might not let bankers use tax payers money to pay themselves millions in bonus whilst most people’s wages aren’t even keeping up with inflation etc… If he becomes PM.

    So they are trying to undermine him now incase he actually tries to change the status quo which serves them so well. That is all, that is the source of the plot, not the Labour Party.


  33. 102
    Desperate Dan says:

    I’m sick to death of hearing about the Milibands. If these two are the cream of the crop then Labour are doomed no matter which of them are picked.


  34. 110
    Gordon Brown says:

    David Milliband is an ever bigger twat than his brother Ed. I should know as it takes one to spot one. Must rush, anger management class coming up.


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