May 22nd, 2011

Bet Giles Coren Wishes His Tweets Were Sub-Edited

It is late, you’ve had a few drinks, you tweet something you wouldn’t if you were sober. Been there, got the T-shirt. The Times columnist and TV food critic is in contempt of court. This is possibly Coren’s funniest work for ages…

N.B. A co-conspirator T-shirt is on the way to James Waterson for the tip.


262 Comments

  1. 1
    Jethro Q. Walrus-Titty says:

    Does he face jail?

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Freedom of speech to make one self look like a idiot.

  3. 3
    That's News says:

    There should have been a warning, Guido. They were so fucking dull I think I need a glass of Scotch.

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    Would a jury convict?

  5. 5
    Doktorb says:

    Sunday Herald front pages for everyone !

  6. 6
    I am Giles Coren says:

    Who is TaT?

  7. 7
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Not all trials have juries.

  8. 8
    Compass says:

    Yes, whichever way he’s facing, he’s generally facing a jail somewhere.

  9. 9
    anon says:

    google wont give you the sunday herald.

  10. 10
    Dick the Prick says:

    His sister’s fit, though. He, unfortunately, is a complete gimp with no discernable talent. His old man was funny and also got him his job.

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    The most astonishing ‘revelation’ here is that Giles Coren must therefore, by implication, have a ‘Television Programme’ ? He kept that one quiet !

    And then he tries to throw us off the scent by being described as a ‘journalist’ in the mode of someone not a million miles from this parish…

  12. 12
    annette curton says:

    Who is Giles Coren?

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Of course, saying he is in contempt of court is in itself a contempt of court. We have gone back to the fucking medieval star chambers.

  14. 14
    Uncontrolled trousersnake says:

    Surely paying the gold digger off is cheaper than paying the solicitors thousands, given that it will end up on Twitter eventually anyway?

  15. 15
    Jed says:

    Giles Coren is a turd and a slimebag but it’s sickening that anyone can be sent to prison just for indulging in a bit of gossip, about some philandering footballer, on the internet.

    Why is NuLabour’s oppressive, Stalinistic legislation still in place and being used by scumbag solicitors after 12 months on Tory/Lib Dem government?

  16. 16
    Just asking says:

    Who is Gareth Barry?

  17. 17
    Al says:

    What sort of a Stalinist shit-hole of a country is it when someone can be thrown into prison for gossiping on the internet?

  18. 18
    Elliott Morley says:

    Oh, new young meat, check out Shawshank redemption .

  19. 19
    Engineer says:

    Even cheaper not to get involved with gold-diggers in the first place. He could have had a J. Arthur instead.

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    That may just be that the ‘worldwide’ traffic to a small Jockanese website has crashed their server…

  21. 21
    Voice of Treason says:

    Quite, and even worse – for telling the fucking truth!

  22. 22
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    Welcome to the legacy of Blair’s Multi-Culti, EU loving, Yuman Rites Britain.

    It’s all downhill from here, chaps. Damned disappointment about the Rapture….

  23. 23
    Engineer says:

    Especially if the gossip turns out to be true. (Allegedly.)

  24. 24
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    It won’t be trial by jury it will be ……. judges, who are the new rulers of this land. Unelected mongs who wear dead horses on their heads.

  25. 25
    RedRobbo says:

    And from the news reports, I’d assumed it was a real journalist, and had guessed Andrew Neill, Still think the legal eagles pursuing Giles Coren will only guarantee that the subjects of the injunction will now receive maximum publicity, just like R*** G****.
    Won’t they ever learn, that with the Internet, the rules have changed.

  26. 26
    eh? says:

    It might be the legacy of Blair/Brown/Mandelson etc but the Tories and Lib Dems have been in power for 12 months now so why is this Stalinistic legislation still in force?

  27. 27
    Gordon says:

    Tweeted at 3pm – are you suggesting he was out late and still drinking then?

  28. 28
    HandsomeDavid says:

    Or even Saving Ryan’s Privates.

  29. 29
    annette curton says:

    Knock! knock!
    Who’s there?
    Mr Schilling looking for Mr Al, you see we know where you live.

  30. 30
    G Brown lover of prudence says:

    I hear m’learned friends are examining various five a side teams.

  31. 31
    The truth hurts says:

    As far as i can make out if you say something that is wrong about a person then you ain’t breaking the injunction but if you tell the truth then you go to jail.

  32. 32
    Dave says:

    Quite! But New Lab still have a hell of a lot to answer for:

    http://thebritishresistance.co.uk/guest-writers/968-when-they-wake-up#idc-container

  33. 33
    ThousandsOfMilesAway says:

    Wow. Does ‘England footballer’ (Wales, shurely?) realise what a monumental Hunt he will look like if Giles Coren does end up getting sent down?

  34. 34
    Chris Huhne says:

    I have decided not to remember anything about anything.

  35. 35
    Chris Hoon says:

    Does this mean I’m off the hook?

  36. 36
    lmao says:

    No, it means you could be the first person to go to prison just for three points. Loser!

  37. 37
    Away Match says:

    Does he like playing away from home?

  38. 38
    Engineer says:

    That does indeed seem to be the situation. Yet still we have supposedly intelligent lawyers and judges defending the current situation. Most odd.

  39. 39
    Innit? says:

    Frustrating to know dinners involving the likes of Giles [the Gareth Barry of media types], Michael Winner, Jamie Theakston and Richard Bacon haven’t been disrupted by a nailbomb. Come on all you Twitter Nailbombers, Facebook burglers are making look like anachronistic criminals.

  40. 40
    oops says:

    That’s Giggsy’s knighthood down the swannee.

    From hero to public enemy number one without even kicking a ball.

  41. 41
    Enoch Powell says:

    The BBC is reporting that the Sunday Herald is ignoring the injunction (it’s a Scottish paper – they aren’t bound by English law) but oddly the Grauniad says they can’t mention the name of the Scottish paper, for legal reasons.

    But Giles Coren deserves to be prosecuted for the wholly unfunny, overlong crap he writes – he’s terminally boring.

  42. 42
    annon. says:

    That’s because there are so many people trying to look at it.

  43. 43
    Legion says:

    None of the search engines will get the Herald – has Scotland been cut off ? Have they all been raptured and we re in hell ?

  44. 44
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Whats the fuckin point anyway!

  45. 45
    Engineer says:

    There seem to be school playground parallels, here. The local bully in the form of an embarrassed law firm would appear to be picking on someone small and only peripherally involved.

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    But who is the poor woman involved ?? My knowledge of z-list celebrities is minimal, so a full biog would be jolly helpful…

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    You could at least have had the decency to give him a ‘Zorro-style’ face mask courtesy of PhotoShop..

  48. 48
    twat watch says:

    Coren is a smarmy c’unt. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if the fucker is sent down.

  49. 49
    Engineer says:

    There seem to be school playground parallels, here. The local bully in the form of an embarrassed law firm would seem to be picking on someone small and only peripherally involved.

  50. 50
    Border Patrol says:

    The picture is only in the printed version and is not sold south of the border. All people leaving scotch trains in England are being body searched to make sure the aren’t smuggling anti Injunction material into the country.

  51. 51
    zenbadger says:

    Its not that player everyone is talking about, its a different one.

    As for this, if it was the Times that had the injunction served against it then Coren is even more of an idiot than he appears for breaching it using his own Twitter. FFS make Schillings actually work for its money.

  52. 52
    From Z list to Y List says:

    But at least he is famous now. he should be able to dine on this for years to come

  53. 53
    Gigg the Jockanese Mafia says:

    How can it be hell if Scotland’s gone ?

  54. 54
    Boggadon says:

    The online version does not contain the photo.

    Search Google using the words ‘Twitpic’ and the name of any publication you are interested in.

    You’ll get back a result like this: http://twitpic.com/50z730

  55. 55
    Anonymous says:

    Will he be reviewing the service & food at the Scrubs?

  56. 56
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    In court aren’t you supposed to swear (on the bible) to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you god.

    ‘Yes your honour Ryan Gigggs had an affair with Imogen Thomas and then took out a super-injunction to stop anyone finding out and that’s the god honest truth’.

  57. 57
    The family Dimblebore says:

    Coren is a prime example of the nepotism infesting Britain.

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    http://twitpic.com/50z730 I assume this is the front page you are looking for :O

  59. 59
    The judiciary are bonkers says:

    The fuckers will probably resort to reporting restrictions and a closed court.

    From a government not being allowed to kick out a known terrorist to judges making things up as they go along. This situation is utterly bonkers and the ‘system’ is thoroughly broken. Fuck them.

    Time to reclaim England!

  60. 60
    PD77 says:

    Not publicly, on that you can be sure ;)

  61. 61
    Wosseees sliciturs too says:

    That might cost you a pretty penny, or schilling.

  62. 62
    annette curton says:

    Bleak House and chancery ‘ers “the lawyer lies in his chambers like a maggot in a nut”.

  63. 63
    PD77 says:

    Rank stupidity if you ask me.

  64. 64
    Enoch Powell says:

    The picture of the Herald’s front page is on Twitter

  65. 65
    PD77 says:

    He’ll never get Giggs in this town again!

  66. 66
    Jess The Dog says:

    I think Mr Coren’s error isn’t so much in Tweeting the identity of this caught-offside footballer, but is Tweeting this information when his employer may have been served with the injunction. Rest of us can take comfort in Spartacus and Streisand plus the fact we haven’t actually been served injunctions.

  67. 67
    Piles Loren says:

    As one of the older readers I seem to remember that Thatcher tried to stop ‘Spycatcher’ reaching UK news stands. She also insisted that anyone Irish with even the mildest of republican sympathies could not be heard on TV or radio and that their words needed to be read out by an actor. I believe a song by The Pogues (streets of sorrow/birmingham six) was banned as well. Censorship and control freak tendencies were not invented in 1997, just continued.

    Still, by the end of the week everyone will know who Gareth Barry and Giles Coren are.

  68. 68
    Anonymous says:

    He may not “remember” but he “thinks” he might have been driving.

  69. 69
    Twat Watch Watch says:

    FFS, regardless of the individual, there’s an important principle involved here. Play the fucking ball, TW, not the twat.

  70. 70
    Mr Popodopolous says:

    Does this mean you face jail for your hints Guido? Hope not, have to say…

  71. 71
    annette curton says:

    The RSPCA will sort them out on your behalf, but what about us mongrels?.

  72. 72
    Charles says:

    I have to say that was my reaction.

  73. 73
    Office Of Post-Rapture Information says:

    Scotland will have a huge cage placed over it.

    England has been a set aside by Jesus as the official “Fly-Tipping Zone” of the new paradigm. The land will soon be covered with discarded White Goods, consumerist landfill sites and assorted miscreants like child killers, ragheads, Tories and other non-Celtic immigrants with a persecution complex. Residents are assured that they will not notice any huge changes.

  74. 74
    Enoch Powell says:

    Hmm – when Google news autorefreshed (what a pain!) all mention of the story had vanished.

  75. 75
    zenbadger says:

    Is the Sunday Herald website being blocked?

  76. 76
    Phil McHunt says:

    Guido’s no fool. He knows if he goes to jail he won’t have to pay for someone to stick a dildo up his arse plus no-one will ever know about it. Gawd bless ‘im and all who sail in ‘im.

  77. 77
    Jess The Dog says:

    Up here in Jockland…. the Herald website isn’t blocked (probably just busy) but it doesn’t have the front page or details online. I saw the front page in the newspaper shop today, and it was as had been widely reported. I’m down in England next week so may bring a copy down! FREEDOM!

  78. 78
    Ivor Biggun says:

    Giles Coren and his sister are so full of themselves – a pair of egotistical twats busy undoing all of the laughs their father created. But this is quite funny!

  79. 79
    chase me billy says:

    Billy, I’m tagging Huhnes today and you’re it.

  80. 80
    P. Doff says:

    Sounds as if he was pissed… wonder how many glasses he was served on the flight before he (possibly) drove?

  81. 81
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Would that be a Prison issue shirt he is wearing ?
    If not he could save Ken (Prison doesn’t work) Clarke a few quid by supplying his own !

  82. 82
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Here you go

    http://twitpic.com/510cgp

    The Herald official website seems to be blocked but i found this elsewhere !

    I wonder who that could be ?

  83. 83
    Aldo says:

    So, someone gets sent to prison (potentially) for telling the truth?

    Parliament has to step in and overrule this nonsense – and quickly.

  84. 84
    They're all smug, sneering Celt cunts at the BBC, 'cept Kuenssbergs whom I wish to bum intensely says:

    Funniest work for ages? When was he funny?

  85. 85
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Tell someone who gives a shit!

  86. 86
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    The Photo Ryan Giggs Never wanted you to see !
    Caught in the act of having sex !

  87. 87
    The Pedant says:

    Why can’t these blokes get a shave… It’s so naff and out of date. (thats better)

  88. 88
    The literal, English meaning of Celt is scrounger says:

    Funny in a smug, dreary, gobshyte lefty way
    Not funny as in the generally accepted sense of funny.

    At least he’ll be able to offer his witty & honest opinions of the shit known as ‘food’ in Pentonville’s maximum security block

  89. 89
    The literal, English meaning of Celt is scrounger says:

    Normally I would heartily agree with you, but this cu’nt is a right cu’nt

  90. 90
  91. 91
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    He’s funny in the same way Marcus Brigstocke is funny………….

  92. 92
    BaggPuss says:

    I feel cheated – I’ve never heard these celebs. Who the hell is Hugh Bonneville???
    Still, if its on http://topsy.com it must be ok.

  93. 93
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    LOL!

  94. 94
    Anonymous says:

    From what I understand, technically speaking, about 20million uk people are currently in contempt of court for this, and about 200million people from outside the uk could in theory have an extradition order served against them.

    In practice, all the people that have simply repeated information that was already widely available on the internet (and in foreign newspapers) can’t be prosecuted because the court would simply say that the information was in the public domain already.

    The only people who could, realistically, be prosecuted, are the one or 2 people who published the first posting, and even then they could only be prosecuted if they actually knew for a fact (eg was an insider at the court) who/what the injunction was about.

    They can only really prosecute the first person who broke the injunction, once it’s in the public domain they can’t prosecute anyone else (much as they’d like to think they can, they can’t; an injunction is, legally speaking, there to stop people from putting something into the public domain; once it’s in the public domain the injunction is legally speaking no longer enforceable)

    So, they can prosecute whoever originally broke the injunction, but they can’t prosecute anybody else.

    The lawyers are, I think, trying to get the details of the person of the first twitter account so they can try and trace things back to the person who originally broke the injunction; they’ve got no intention of prosecuting anyone else, they just want to find out who broke the injunction first and then take that person to court.

    If the first person who broke the injunction is not a uk citizen, then there’s absolutely nothing they can do; they can’t prosecute that person, and they can’t prosecute anyone who repeated the information after it had been put in the public domain. The lawyers involved will tell you otherwise (ie they’ll threaten everyone else too), but realistically they can’t do anything at all apart from prosecute the very first person who broke the injunction (and then they can only do that if that person is a uk citizen)

  95. 95
    scoring from left field says:

    This is what Bowden calls taking one for the team.

  96. 96
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    The only thing I’d laugh at Marcus Brigstocke for is if he’s lowered into a meat grinder feet first.

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:

    …..peculiar?

  98. 98
    comic cuts says:

    He’d keep an African village going for at least 6 months, the selfish cuпt.

  99. 99
    annette curton says:

    Never figured him for one of those, thanks to Schillings its all coming out in the open at last.

  100. 100
    Mark Oatibix says:

    Chase me Billy!

  101. 101
    upchuck says:

    He’ll certainly be reviewing the food quite regularly.

  102. 102
  103. 103
    Road Junction says:

    Stupid innit? No one in the world had ever heard of him until his lawyers got him involved in this injunction malarky.

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    An injunction is only enforceable whilst the information is not yet available freely/widely in the public domain.
    Once the information is available widely in the public domain, the injunction becomes invalid/unenforceable, in fact that’s the very definition of an injunction; they are to STOP something from being put into the public domain, they are NOT to stop someone repeating something that’s already in the public domain.
    The only person you can prosecute is the person who first broke the injunction.
    This is why Sir Fred’s Injunction got lifted; the courts saw the information was in the public domain and said that therefore, by definition the injunction can no longer be valid/enforceable.
    The lawyers CAN go after the person who originally broke the injunction (but only if they’re a uk citizen), they CAN’T go after anybody else, much as they like to pretend they can.

  105. 105
    Drop a Daisy cutter on the BBC says:

    I can understand Cameron being a useless twat, but where is the Tory right? Come on you idle fuckers start demanding that the judges be arrested.

  106. 106
    Anonymous says:

    That must be the ultimate in football celebrations.

  107. 107
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    Cumming out in the open is exactly what they are doing !

  108. 108
    Ivor Biggun says:

    Nah, worth a second look I’ll grant you, but on closer inspection she’s more highly fucking annoying than anything else.

  109. 109
    Anonymous says:

    I wish he would stop smacking his lips when he eats

  110. 110
    Strewth says:

    Heh! Splendid!

  111. 111
  112. 112
    Engineer says:

    …or the ultimate foul.

  113. 113
    Mr Justinforthemoney says:

    I sentence you to hang!

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    No one is entitled to privacy when engaged in wrongdoing! Any Law or court that says otherwise is Pernicious.

  115. 115
    Anonymous says:

    1) The uk courts have no jurisdiction whatsoever on this for Guido.
    2) Guido (to the best of my knowledge) has only ever repeated injunction-related posts/hints for information that was already in the public domain in one form or another.
    3) The injunction never should have been granted in the first place because they’re supposed to only be used to protect yourself or your family against serious harm/death, not just to stop you from looking silly in a newspaper.

    I don’t think guido has anything to worry about.

    Anyway, if Cameron saw someone being taken to court and threatened with jail just for repeating gossip on a celeb, I think Cameron would step in and stop it dead in its tracks. A bit like he did with the royal wedding street parties, where he basically said:
    “fuck the councils and their red tape, and fuck the abused technicalities of the law, I’m the PM, and I say that if you want to do it, and it’s not going to hurt anyone, then you fucking do it because that’s your right.”
    Cameron’s often a wishy-washy twat, but in cases like this I think he’d step in (he knows he’d get a shit load of votes from it apart from anything else)

  116. 116
    Roger says:

    Did he say anything interesting for once?

  117. 117
    annette curton says:

    Not necessarily, the next time somebody scores a goal the euphoria might result in a team roast around the touchline.

  118. 118
    The Paragnostic says:

    Vicky Coren is what I think of when thoughts of Sarah Teather begin to make me jaded :-)

  119. 119
    smoggie says:

    He’s a mackem. Nuff said.

  120. 120
    The Paragnostic says:

    He’s that bloke that keeps getting picked to play midfield for England and then inevitably disppoints by giving the ball away – he’s so kind to foreigners I think they must have diversity training at City.

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    Giggs looks a bit like Desperate Dan. Seems he’s spent so much money on legal fees he can’t afford razor blades.

  122. 122
    Jay says:

    Guido – from what I’ve seen, the tweets in question seem to have been published during the day – so either he was drunk already or he just didn’t give a f*ck. Good on him I say! Gareth Barry is a twat.

  123. 123
    Fake Blood says:

    Ok then, hang the fucking judges! By the way, love the idea of a daisy cutter on the BBC. Oh, you were being ironic? I’m not.

  124. 124
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    When has the truth ever mattered?

  125. 125
    I says:

    Dominique Strauss-Khan’s comment to air hostess just before arrest…

    “Nice arse.”

    Rikers Island prison inmate to Dominique Strauss-Khan just after arrest…

    ” Nice arse “

  126. 126
    Strewth says:

    She has one or two redeeming features

    http://tinyurl.com/3bhrdey

  127. 127
    Airey Belvoir says:

    “Shaving Ryan’s Privates” is the DVD I have – along with ‘Schindler’s Fist’.

  128. 128
    Mad Jack says:

    You can’t handle the truth!

  129. 129
    man perch on a barstool says:

    google has blocked access…place is like bloody China.

  130. 130
    man perch on a barstool says:

    well done that man!

  131. 131
    MrJusticeEasy says:

    Blogger Cassius on why CTB should have followed the lead of his colleague Ryan Giggs, the “nice guy” of football.

    “A letter to CTB”

    http://cassiuswrites.blogspot.com/2011/05/letter-to-ctb.html

  132. 132
    Airey Belvoir says:

    The Hugh ‘Goodtown’ story is annoying – I enjoy Downton Abbey, but when series 2 comes on I won’t be able to stop thinking of the Master of the House on all fours in a Manc hotel room while a sub-£200 hooker works a dildo up his jacksie. Pass the mindbleach!

  133. 133
    Manchester United Team News says:

    A number of very experienced United players are in the squad for today’s home game against Blackpool, but Ryan Giggs is being rested.

  134. 134
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    Time we had that written constitution Dave.

    1. Freedom of speech
    2. Freedom of the press
    3. The right to bear arms

  135. 135
    I says:

    Free “Pleasureland” entry to Giggsy for life if Blackpool win

  136. 136
    Billy 'L'oreal' Bowden, because I'm worth it. says:

    In my long experience dirty old men like him have saggy arses that look like a bag of spanners.

  137. 137
    MB. says:

    Someone has posted a picture of the Herald front page on Twitter. I presume the Herald have limited sales to Scottish editions and not put online.

  138. 138
    I says:

    Sofitel Hotel New York must have info on what Porn Movies Dominique watched.

    He has some defence if one of them involved Chambermaids et al.

  139. 139
    The Late Eric Morcambe says:

    That bloke off the telly with a well-nice younger sis.

    Great norks!!!! Whey hey!!!!!

  140. 140
    Julian Cleary says:

    Any tool will do

  141. 141
    I says:

    Provocation

  142. 142
    annette curton says:

    Fergie is turning out his Schillings still anonymous eleven.

  143. 143
    The Late Eric Morcambe says:

    She has great norks! Whey hey!!!!

  144. 144
    RedRobbo says:

    Try Gareth Barry.

  145. 145
    The Late Eric Morcambe says:

    Yes- but let’s leave the Welsh to fend for themselves.

    It’s the only sensible way.

    Whey hey!!!!

  146. 146
    I says:

    With Billy ” You are either in or you are out “

  147. 147
    A Working Class English Bloke says:

    4. The Right To Tell The BBC To FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!!

  148. 148
    John Bull says:

    The funniest thing I ever saw re Giles Cohen was his appearance on Celebrity Mastermind. Covinced of his genius he breezed through his questions until asked ‘which Shakespeare character demanded his pound of flesh’ , or similar.

    He is a whining, spoilt twat.

  149. 149
    I says:

    The only reason most of you on here do not support Ryan Giggs is because he is Left Wing

  150. 150
    annette curton says:

    Well as claim to fame goes that’s better than the average, Norks you say?

  151. 151
    Anonymous says:

    I only have to type “ry” into google, and the predictive search comes up with the result in the top 5 before I even press return/search.

    You’d normally have to pay a web developer or marketing company millions for that kind of google ranking.

    or, “injunction foo” will have the same predictive seach result/effect.

    yes, that injunction was a really good idea, wasn’t it?

    fucking twat.

  152. 152
    A Working Class English Bloke says:

    Please see Strewth’s post (No78).

    That picture made my day and I’m all flustered now.

    Please excuse me whilst I go and lie down in a darkened room….

  153. 153
    Chris Huhne says:

    I doubt i’d even be allowed to mention being mentioned about being mentioned.

    I’m off to Schillings first thing tomorrow>

  154. 154
    Lurker says:

    Very good!
    +1

  155. 155
    The Paragnostic says:

    Gareth Barry’s just failed to score from 2 yards out – should have gone to Schillingspecsavers!

  156. 156
    Giles Coren says:

    I was being interviewed for a new job, when one of the panel noticed that I’d become quite fidgety.

    He tried to put me at ease by saying, “There’s no need to be nervous you know.”

    In hindsight, answering, “Nervous? No.. I just wish that I’d wiped my arse properly,” was probably not the cleverest response

  157. 157
    Richard Chimney says:

    Exactly.

  158. 158
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    And the EU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  159. 159
    Raving Loon says:

    The problem with writing a constitution is that:

    1) As the US government has shown, polticians (except a nople few) will just ignore it
    2) Lefty, fabian, socialist, statist judges won’t uphold it
    3) Politicians will just assume those rights not specifically mentioned in the constitution don’t exist

  160. 160
    The Paragnostic says:

    I thought it was a ride on Thomas the Tanked-up Imogen?

  161. 161
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    I’d poker.

  162. 162
    anon says:

    if i mentioned this on Cif the guardian would have blocked my account, so much for thier freedom of speech

  163. 163
    Dick the Prick says:

    I bust her flush

  164. 164
    Susan B*r says:

    In my local hospital Schindler’s Lift is the vertical transport system.

  165. 165
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Oh no, he’s not that bad. No-one’s that fucking bad, Shitstocke exists on his own special level of comedy, right next to cancer (not as funny as).

  166. 166
    Jennifer Thompson says:

    As you know Ryan only plays away from home
    and Wayne can still dribble in my box but it will cost the ugly twat £1200 for the privilege but there again shrek couldn’t score in a brothel !

  167. 167
    The Paragnostic says:

    Surely more fun to flush all over her bust?

  168. 168
    Handycock (Teen Fondler) says:

    This is just the start, let me assure you. There will be many other journalists, including Fawkes going down before this is all over. I have already told you that there is no such thing as free speech in this country; it is just an illusion the Establishment have created to fool you lot, the Proles. This business of twitters and blogging has gone too far and has to stop, especially as I seem to be an innocent victim of these blogs. I am a serious and dedicated politician with no flaws, and of the utmost integrity, therefore this whole nonsense has to stop.

  169. 169
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Giles is famously touchy about subs not changing one single letter of his copy, so even if his tweets were subbed I’m sure the poor subs would have had, with great reluctance, to have passed it without any changes, no doubt horrified at the thought that Coren had just lowered himself into a bucket of shit, and there was nothing they could do about it. Shame.

  170. 170
    Prisoner On D Wing says:

    Nice ass…

  171. 171
    The Paragnostic says:

    We could have “Heston’s B&P Feast”, with a starter of Fascist Pigs Knuckle, main of Soused Griffin and a dessert of Admiral Duncan’s NailBombe surprise!

    I think Andrew Marr should be added to the guest list, though…

  172. 172
    Peter Carter-Fuck says:

    Elderly midget Frenchmen are not the first in the queue for anal rape in the Big House, even the cons have standards, and there are always plenty of young guys who don’t want to be striped by a razor blade in a melted toothbrush handle. Anyway, after the first few times it doesn’t hurt so much, or so Norman Scott told me once. Still shot his fucking dog though.

  173. 173
    ichabod says:

    Well I hope Barry’s bedroom performances are better than his international football ones; Paragnostic has summed him up pretty well . In addition Barry appears to be so DIM. But why all the abuse directed at Giles Coren ? He’s performed a valuable Cobbetesque service, even if half cut. Admittedly his sister is one of the most iritating women in the public eye, but henceforth I shall be reading her brother’s articles with more sympathy. But I fear for the worse if Dominic Grieve is going to be involved with this– dont trust that peculiar looking establishment figure at all.

  174. 174
    Anonymous says:

    Gareth Barry

  175. 175
    The Paragnostic says:

    Given his ancestry, you’d have thought he’d have known that one…

  176. 176

    Yes I remember. Irish terrorists were never off the BBC of course, due to their “balance” like NuLiebour now and at least the funny voices gave the IRA comedy value. Of course it would have been better (and cheaper) to have sorted out the BBC then.

  177. 177
    Strewth says:

    Well said!

    Two splendid and thoroughly sensible additions to any written constitution

  178. 178
  179. 179
    Strewth says:

    Fack me! Is that Imogen?

    No wonder he tried to bury the story

  180. 180
    Joe Campbell says:

    ‘You won’t get any higher than me’.

  181. 181
    And on and on and on says:

    Football’s world governing body is blocking the release of a document that would reveal the identity of two officials who have been forced to repay bribes, according to a BBC investigation.

  182. 182
    Strewth says:

    Seems that way

  183. 183
    Mr Loophole says:

    Coren must have been down the pub – gone to the toilet and left his “twitter” enabled mobile phone in the trusty company of half a dozen friends….One of whom must have typed this on for a laugh.
    I am sure Mr Coren can give the names of 10 people who were in the pub at the time – all of whom will deny being the one playing this practical joke.
    Case dismissed !!!

  184. 184

    Has the Scottish Herald breached any injunction? Scotland has a distinct legal system to England. Anyway I’m sure Schillings are hot footing it, at this very moment, to Haggis land, to obtain an injunction at the Court of Session.

  185. 185
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    And without one they can do what they bloody well like, especially if the population are unarmed.

    Time for a spring uprising here. Lampost and piano wire style.

  186. 186
    A Working Class English Bloke says:

    It depends from which orifice one intends to ‘flush’.

    Mr Oaten would have a very different opinion on this issue to most of us who contribute here.

    But then again, as he is not in the ‘vagina business’, the wonderfully-endowed Ms Coren would not be of interest to him anyway.

  187. 187
    Strewth says:

    sadly, because coren really is a smug c*&t, you are right

  188. 188
    UK INTERNET CENSORSHIP says:

    http://www.heraldscotland.com is being censored in England by the state.

    The website itself is up:

    http://www.downforeveryoneorjustme.com/www.heraldscotland.com/

  189. 189
    A Working Class English Bloke says:

    And LibLabCon!!!!!!

    The abolition of the LibLabCon-spiracy must be part of a new constitution for our renewed nation.

  190. 190
    A Working Class English Bloke says:

    We’ve almost missed the spring.

    How about a nice, long and hot summer?

  191. 191
    Four Eyed English Genius says:

    Because the present government is little different from the Blair/Brown Terror?

  192. 192
    UK INTERNET CENSORSHIP says:

    The Herald Scotland website is being censored by the UK government, proving that they can censor the internet at the drop of a hat.

    The website itself is still up.

    I guess it’s possible that Herald Scotland are blocking connections from England, but that doesn’t seem likely.

  193. 193
    bergen says:

    The one redeeming feature of this fiasco is that no-one in their right mind will consult Schillings in these circumstances again.All their bluster about prison is an attempt to disguise the fact that they’ve totally lost control of the the story(and therefore the case)by ludicrously overreaching themselves.They’ve done their client no service at all-quite the reverse.

    All precedent in the world does not overcome the essential truth-if you’re in a hole,stop digging.

  194. 194
    Sebastian Vettel says:

    I may have been driving

  195. 195
    The Paragnostic says:

    I bet Jack Warner’s one of them…

  196. 196
    Giles the bore Coren says:

    Oh Good! I get to up my profile, get myself more publicity and more work. Suckers!

  197. 197
    The Paragnostic says:

    Too far, too fast – you got 25 points, after all!

  198. 198
    Four Eyed English Genius says:

    If it was Ryanair, bugger all!

  199. 199
    I says:

    He was a straight-up copper. Please do not malign his memory

  200. 200
    Anonymous says:

    what did Giles Coren say about Gareth Barry?

  201. 201
    The Paragnostic says:

    O/T, but Tim Berners-Lee has a proxy doxy –

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/8528304/Internet-pioneer-Sir-Tim-Berners-Lee-casts-a-web-of-intrigue-with-his-love-life.html

    It notes that the lady in question is “director of the World Wide Web Foundation, a charity launched by Sir Tim in Uganda in 2009.”

    I shall refrain from the obvious Private Eye… (cont. p94).

  202. 202
    not a machine says:

    Private eye front page with seal opps room had me in stitches :)

    David Davies has done an excellent article in the DM and there was gem in Peter Hitchens about the law being hard on self defence of your home as it is competetion to the legal system (well lefty version of it at any rate).

  203. 203
    Mrs E Adams says:

    *applause*

  204. 204
    13eastie says:

    Coren bears a striking resemblance to Ryan Giggs.

  205. 205
    Anonymous says:

    Fawkes and his blog are based overseas surely? Unless I have the wrong info, Fawkes is Irish and his blog Virgin Islands based? Therefore it would be hard to prosecute him.

  206. 206
    ITSA SCAM says:

    So no fucker had ever heard of Giles Coren and Gareth Barry before. But now Giles has outed Gareth’s injunction then ever man and his dog knows their names.

    Is the Super Injunction an instant route to mass publicity for the boring?

  207. 207
    The ultimate insult says:

    He said he was a Huhne.

  208. 208
    Child protection says:

    So the wigged judges reckon the rich and famous should have super injunctions to prevent their kiddy winks knowing what shits their parents are. Why?

    Why have kiddy winks no rights in law? If my dad were a serial whorer I would have liked to have known.

  209. 209
    Andrew says:

    Don’t like the word “fuckable”. Everything with tits is fuckable given the right circumstances and a sufficiently desperate man, except possible the former Member for Maidstone.

    It should be “fuckworthy”.

  210. 210
    GRIPPER SMITH CAREER CRIMINAL PRISON DADDY and part time puff says:

    “Nice arse”Mr Khan

  211. 211
    YOUR DAD says:

    Sorry Son

  212. 212
    The Angry Aberdonian says:

    The English press are pathetic. If they had even half of one ball they would ALL defy the courts.

    What your ‘supine’ press might want to consider is that Article 8 merely states that the right to privacy should be respected – it does NOT legally guarantee it (as Article 2 guarantees the right to life)

    These injunctions may have legs of iron but they have feet of clay. Break away the clay and the iron will surely fall.

  213. 213
    John Bellingham says:

    Both BBC and ITV news reports say “The Journalist who revealed the name of the celebrity on Twitter may be named”.
    A smug shyster on the BBC News channel has just claimed that:-
    –the Herald is subject to the English Courts as it is owned by and English company and some copies may be sold in England.
    –the editor of the Herald is breaking the law as “he was aware of the English courts ruling” and Scotland is a signatory to the European Human Rights Act.
    So, if I was, say, an elderly Australian with a major shareholding in a London based company and I owned newspapers and TV channels in 42 countries and one of them in, say, Azerbaijan (yes they are party to the EHRA) published info embargoed in England, then I could get nicked?

  214. 214
    John Bellingham says:

    Sorry, typo—-“may not be named”

  215. 215
    Anonymous says:

    what did he actually say i’m guessing it was that Barry was another
    one of these footballers having an affair is that it?
    Have to say that i didn’t even know who Coren was before all this
    Barry himself is a rather boring footballer who those in football circles
    have very little time for.
    If he has taken out some sort of injunction this will be the only thing he has done that people are talking about as his football rarely merits a mention

  216. 216
    John Bellingham says:

    Suggest you check the Bill of Rights (1689) a law that has never been repealed, just ridden over roughshod.

  217. 217
    Imogen Thomas says:

    Call me 07123 456789.

  218. 218
    Anonymous says:

    Well you are wrong I Says i have no idea what Ryan Giggs political views are
    and that is not the issue here,he is in the wrong plain and simple that is what this is about.This was a player that is about to retire from what was a glittering career
    and this is what he will be largely remembered for now,he is an international
    laughing stock

  219. 219
    Anonymous says:

    A very very boring footballer

  220. 220
    Glenn Mulcaire says:

    You’re gabbing on the phone – and the voicemail passcode is not the default !

  221. 221
    Whir's ma papir says:

    What’s up with the Herald website? Nothing in cache either

  222. 222
    John Bellingham says:

    Clever sod. His server is in Jiangsu, China. I’d love to see some plod trying to talk to the People’s Armed Police about censorship!

  223. 223
    No, You Didn't Get It says:

    No, it was a Joke anon; I says was using “Left Wing” in the football player position sense (ie “he plays on the left wing”) as an extra meaning rather than “he’s a socialist”- it was a play on words.

  224. 224
    John Bellingham says:

    Its been accessible on and off all day. Most recently ten minutes ago

  225. 225
    DSK says:

    He’s plays on the left wing (left side of the football pitch) you fuckard!

  226. 226
    Anonymous says:

    What is the original person was a kid and therefore under the age of criminality?
    Two of my children are under 16,have both known for ages who the shagger is and have chatted about the case with their mates on line.

  227. 227
    Grand Inspector General of the 33rd degree, Royal Arch Masons says:

    But it would not be difficult to cut his throat across,have his tongue torn out by the roots, and buried in the sands of the sea at low water mark.

  228. 228
    Anonymous says:

    Compare and contrast:
    The British legal system prepares to prosecute and possibly jail a journalist for telling the truth about a famous footballer because of the Human Rights Act.
    The British legal system conspires to prevent a foreign convicted terrorist from being thrown out of the UK because it would breach his Human Rights.
    The Coalition needs to sort this out as a matter of urgency.

  229. 229
    jgm2 says:

    Hilarious diva-rant from Giles to his sub-eds.

    The man is clearly a bit precious about his oeuvre but good on him for making a stand on this super-injunction bollocks. Or getting pissed and forgetting what he was doing. Whichever.

  230. 230
    Maximus says:

    Someone’s batting for the other side

  231. 231
    Spot the Dog says:

    yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyop

  232. 232
    Maximus says:

    Ban a song, and it goes to number 1. Publicity that shillings x20 can’t buy.

    Somehow David Bowie’s Space Oddity would have jeopardized moon landings, 10cc’s Rubber Bullets the security of NI, and Serge Gainsbourg would have caused endless rutting and rapture in the street. Some people have the daftest ideas.

  233. 233
    Warty says:

    A “Man in the Iron Mask” mask would have been better. Or even a Morrison’s carrier-bag.

  234. 234
    Warty says:

    Memo to Schillings: I am not interested in footy and had never heard of this guy before you started to represent him. Now I know far more about him than I want to.

  235. 235
    Warty says:

    Harsh but fair.

  236. 236
    scott walker says:

    bit more sympathy for Giles Coren might be nice. When its you thats on the scaffold, Guido, you might appreciate some.

  237. 237
    Anonymous says:

    ah, well then they’d try and find out who told the kid; they’re trying to trace it back to the original source that made the first leak.

  238. 238
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    I hadn’t previously thought anything about him, but the piece Guido linked to with his letter / email to the subs has convinced me that he’s a Grade A arse.

  239. 239
    Mercian says:

    This Coren bloke seems to be a complete tit. He’s not writing Great Literature, he’s writing little articles that a few people will read and then wipe their arses on it. I doubt if most readers would even get to his precious final sentence. It’s all over one letter for God’s sake. The man’s a pill.

  240. 240
    Cream Puff says:

    Ive heard the fuckwits Schillings who are complete ignorant twats, just like there lame brain client didnt fully twigg that Scotland is actaully another country and has a completely independent legal system and law seperat from the one in England, which is why they failed to place a seperate injunction in the law courts in Edinburgh
    It would also appear to still not have sunk in in as Ive heard that they are requesting the English Attorney General take action against the Sunday Herald. If that were to happen, expect the Scottish legal equivelant of a middle digit being stuck up

  241. 241
    Anonymous says:

    Ah I See it says forgive me a bit slow on the uptake today nice play
    on words

  242. 242
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe Schillings tried to get an injunction in Scotland but the Scottish judges just told them to fuck off (ie “sorry, injunctions are to protect people from harm, they’re not to stop you looking like a twat when you can’t control your todger”)

    If, however, as you suggest, Schillings didn’t/doesn’t understand that Scotland has its own legal system, then if I were the subject of the injunction, I’d currently be employing a different law firm to sue Schillings for gross negligence.

    In fact I’d be suiing Schillings for gross negligence anyway if I were the subject of the injunction, because if they couldn’t get an injunction for Scotland, then I’m sure the subject of the injunction would have said “well, there’s no fucking point getting it in England, is there, or in trying to find the tweeters?”

    Whichever way you look at it, either the advice given by Schillings was negligent, or the subject of the injunction is so stupid that he should be put in a fucktard home for his own protection. (ie if he’s that stupid, can he even make a slice of toast without killing himself?)

  243. 243
    Anonymous says:

    I had no idea who the “world famous actor” was either, and I still don’t recognise him even after seeing his picture and finding out his name; I’ve never seen him on the telly or in films before because I’ve never watched any of the shit he’s been in.
    So, he went from being someone I’d never heard of and didn’t even know what he looked like, to being someone I’ll forever associate with being a complete twat.
    Judging from what I’ve read on the web, about 99% of the world population who have googled about it are in the same situation as me; most people seem to have never heard of him before he got the injunction and a newspaper story about it would have originally only registered in the long-term memory of about 5 people.

  244. 244
    Anonymous says:

    yes, I would have thought that ownership is irrelevant; it’s the publishing/selling jurisdiction that’s relevant.

    eg I could own an english-based auction web-site, and sell nazi memorabilia which is illegal to sell in germany but which is perfectly legal to sell in the uk. I could stop people who use german delivery/customer addresses from being able to see/bid on it, but germany can’t tell me that I need to shut down my website.

    Ownership is totally irrelevant as far as I can see, it’s purely the publishing/selling jurisdiction that’s relevant.

    If the paper is being printed in scotland, and the paper’s official distribution network only includes scotland, then they can’t be sued.

    If, however, the official distribution network does include england, then they could be sued, but I doubt that’s the case.

    The “some copies might find their way somewhere else because some people we don’t employ might take it on the train and show their mates” defence doesn’t seem to stand up very well.

  245. 245
    Anonymous says:

    “The “some copies might find their way somewhere else because some people we don’t employ might take it on the train and show their mates” defence doesn’t seem to stand up very well.”

    I meant it doesn’t stand up very well as a means of prosecution; you can’t prosecute someone for something that’s out of their jurisdiction/control.

  246. 246
    No, You Didn't Get It says:

    If it’s any consolation, I also very nearly replied with the same thing you did, but then I did a double-take before hitting the reply button and it twigged in my head.
    I have no interest in football whatsoever. When I die, I don’t want to be thinking this on my deathbed:
    “I spent about 20% of my waking life watching people kick a bit of dead pig around a field and committing pointless statistics and history about previous kick-bits-of-dead-pig-about-a-field events to memory. Oh, fuck, what have I done? I could have been spending that time with my kids, or shagging the missus. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’ve just wasted 20% of my life and now it’s too fucking late to get it back.”

  247. 247
    Anonymous says:

    I remember that too, I think she was wrong with the Spycatcher thing, but she was essentially right about trying to stop the IRA from getting shit loads of free air-time to broadcast their propaganda with tax payers’ money.

    As per David Dimblebore’s reply, I also think that she should have sorted out the BBC, because what they did was to use technicalities to go against the spirit/meaning of the law; maybe she should have made the law tighter, because that weird loophole should have been obvious at the outset.

    I mean, fair enough to be able to report on the generalities of what the terrorists say they’re killing people for, but it’s not right to broadcast their propaganda for them verbatim using tax payers’ money, which is what the BBC did. At that time, the BBC basically acted as the IRA’s media arm, getting everything broadcasted that they asked for, all paid for with our money.

  248. 248
    Sicko says:

    Indeed. This should be shouted from the rooftops, tweeted to the world.

  249. 249
    Jess The Dog says:

    1. Schillings would need to apply for an interdict, in the Court of Session. They would need to apply for it against someone or something. The Herald already published the material, so it’s too late.

    2. Schillings wouldn’t apply for an interdict if they thought they wouldn’t get one. So they won’t.

    3. The Herald frontpage I saw yesterday. Later on, they had all sold out. The material isn’t on the webpage and this is deliberate.

    4. I believe the Herald are advised by one Paul McBride QC, who has sprung quite a few notorious Glaswegians from gaol in his time. He knows what he is doing.

    Hopefully this will rein in these ridiculous injunctions, which should only ever be applied against named individuals and organisations.

  250. 250
    Tucker the F*cker says:

    Lets leave Victoria out of this shall we?
    A. She is not responsible for her brother.
    B. She’s made her own way in the World . . . successfully by most measures.
    C. This smacks of some contributors here fearing she may discover they have very, very small willies.

  251. 251
    Anonymous says:

    Maybe they forgot to feed the hamster:-)

  252. 252
    Anonymous says:

    Are we talking Cleveland Steamers here?

  253. 253
    scratch and sniff says:

    his sister has a very nice set of top bollocks.

    but apart from that

  254. 254
    Sicko says:

    Put it this way; getting a blow job in a car from Miss Divine Brown was the smartest career move Hugh Grant ever made (beyond getting a barber to style his trademark floppy locks).

    Seeking injunctive relief may perform the same magic on the career of ‘Captain Jack de Barbebleu’.

  255. 255
    Socialism is a mental illness says:

    She really is a great catch-if-you-can, wonder if she’ll play strip poker?

  256. 256
  257. 257
    Ken says:

    I may have to release a few rapists first but we will find a space

  258. 258
    Anonymous says:

    @Socialism is a mental illness – chances are you will be buck naked before you know it.

  259. 259
    Sue Purkyns says:

    He’ll be able to give a decent review of prison food at least, if his bottom ever recovers long enough to sit down and type.

  260. 260
    farquar says:

    You mean George Dixon?

  261. 261
    farquar says:

    Objection!

    I am not a prole, I’m a pleb.

  262. 262
    Piers.Morgan@dailymail.co.uk says:

    Giles Coren

    Is he “the little jingle that the reader takes with him into the weekend”?

    Or is he the spoilt little brat who only got his job through daddy’s connections?


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

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