May 4th, 2011

Cameron’s PMQs Catchphrases


  1. 1
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Good to have decent jokes at last.

    thanks for live chat Guido

  2. 2
    tris says:

    What would you expect from the least intellectually competent pm in 50years?

  3. 3
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    what planet have you been on since 97 then?

  4. 4
    I'd pay him to quote Arnold and Ali G says:

    Next week, I want him to work in “I’ll be back” and “Booyakasha” into his answers.

  5. 5
    Anonymous says:

    Thick twat land

  6. 6
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Alan Johnson is on the Daily Politics Show. What a stupid, stupid man he is!

  7. 7
    Chris Patten says:

    I never had Dave down as an ITV viewer.

  8. 8
    Fuck off says:

    Yeah, because Blair and Brown were intellectual giants weren’t they?

  9. 9
    tris says:

    Fairy Dairy land

  10. 10
    The Guidoisation of politics continues says:

    Brillo’s show just played a bit of Ernie the Milkman with the Fairy Dairy Land line.

  11. 11
    Fairy Dairy Land says:

    Brillo has just played Ernie. Fairy dairy Land is where Ernie went when he died. It was one of Dave’s favourite records on Desert Island Discs

    It’s not where Mandelson gets his pinta from

  12. 12
    Infuriated of West Mids says:

    The intellectual giant Eddie Izzard now on Daily Politics with his simple arguments. *sad face*

  13. 13
    You're AVin a laugh says:

    Eddie Izzard vs Robert Winston right now on Brillo’s show.

  14. 14
    Idle says:

    Fairy Dairy Land. Where the friesians are a bit light on their loafers, and all the goats wear tutus. A long way from Luton, certainly, unless you count the concrete herd in Milton Keynes. Ben Bradshaw may be the Hon Member to consult on this.

  15. 15
    I don't need no doctor says:

    That’s from Brazil.

  16. 16
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Another thick Ed. How many of them are there?

  17. 17
    Ed was even shitter than usual says:

    Even though I’m biased by hating Labour anyway, I have to say Ed Milibland was quite shit today even by his own desirory standards. Cameron destroyed him with the quote from Ed’s Sun interview “I won’t defend everything we did in the past, even though I was in the government at the time”.

  18. 18
    Postal Vote says:

    100.1% of postal votes in favour of AV

    PS Client State + Postal Voting + AV = Labour Rule

  19. 19
    I don't need no doctor says:

    He may not defend it, but I am sure he will deny it.

  20. 20
    Brillo's show says:

    Izzard’s losing the argument quite badly.

  21. 21
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Its 70s themed. I would like:
    1) Something from what charlie says.
    2) Any other COI film.
    3) Mary mungo and minge.
    4) Mr. Benn

    I am not expressing a 5th preference because the A-Team is 80s.

  22. 22
    The literal, English meaning of Celt is scrounger says:

    Tomorrow the parasitic Celt filth will force AV upon England

    My hope is Cam uses the tremendous line oft used by Bernard Manning when gigging in Wales:
    Any miners in tonight?

    When the filth shouted Yes!, He’d say well fook off and get some Coal up, you lazy cu’nt.

  23. 23
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Postman Alan – Shut the f**k up and go away.

  24. 24
    Bap Watch says:

    I’m disappointed Lisa didn’t get her Nandys out today. But Caroline Dinenage was deliciously MILFy.

  25. 25
    Anonymous says:

    Bent Bradshaw is mp for Exeter where all the sailors are.

  26. 26

    But a party’s needs are manifold
    And Labour married Ed
    But strange things happened on their wedding night
    As they lay in their bed
    Was it the trees a-rustling
    Or the hinges on the gate –
    Or David’s spent banana skin
    For Ed to slip and skate?

    They won’t forget Davey (Da-vey)
    As they run the daftest party in the West

  27. 27
    Gordon Brown says:

    Tax cuts take money out of the economy.

  28. 28
    Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Banjos,Punches, Croquet, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

    I’d be Two Ton Ted from Teddington.

  29. 29
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    where was all the Labour Mps? why were they not there to fight for there voters? are they taking lessons from Gordon?

  30. 30
    BA Baracus says:

    I pity the fool who don’t quote me at PMQs!

  31. 31
    A 3rd series of Space:1999 would be nice says:

    Midge, surely?

  32. 32
    The literal, English meaning of Celt is scrounger says:

    I was going to vote No, but when I listened to the gems of wisdom offered by Izzard I changed me mind dint I

    I am always influenced by slebritee transvestite lefty cu’nts

  33. 33
    Alan Johnson says:


  34. 34
    Desperate Dan says:

    Can’t stand either of them. Don’t care what they think about anything.

  35. 35
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    deliberate mistake /crap joke I’m afrayed.

  36. 36
    Bap Watch says:

    Is it wrong that I wouldn’t mind shagging Theresa May?

  37. 37
    Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Banjos,Punches, Croquet, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

    I did the giant impersonation and left the intellectual bit to Dennis Skinner.

  38. 38
    A committed Fascist says:

    Mrs Fatch closed the fooken Mines, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Fuck the Weslhists

  39. 39
    Logan says:

    Or Kojak’s, “Who loves ya, baby?”

  40. 40
    Down with BBC parasites. says:

    Robert Winston – another poison dwarf.

  41. 41
    I don't need no doctor says:

    Alan Johnson is latching on to anything. What he did not answer was why so many labour MPs are not backing AV.
    I doubt he would pass the entrance test to become a postman.

  42. 42
    Postman Prat says:

    Who’s been porking my missus ??

  43. 43
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Labour closed more mines than Baroness thatcher……

  44. 44
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:

    Each to thier own….. :-)

  45. 45
    Lefty LimpyDims are toast tomorrow says:

    Possibly because he has no intellect whatsoever.

  46. 46
    Lord Bowden of Middlesex says:


  47. 47
    Yvette Ball-Scooper says:

    Another five. Ed Miliwonk, Ed Balls and Ed U. Kayshun, Ed. U Cayshun and Ed. Yooukasian.

  48. 48
    Engineer says:

    When Dave shouts, “What do you think of the show so far?” and the Dispatch Box opens and answers, “Ruggish!” we’ll have a show.

  49. 49
    Tit wank says:

    I want a soapy tit wank from Caroline Dinenage.

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Viewer eh?

    “Would you like it pasteurised?,
    ‘Cos pasteurised is best,
    She said “Ernie I’ll be ‘appy if it comes up to me chest!”

    worra soite for sore oiyes!

  51. 51
    Del Boy says:

    “The leader of the party opposite is a plonker”.

  52. 52
    Engineer says:

    Do gynacologists have an entrance test?

  53. 53
    Russ Abbott says:

    Calm down Miss Funnyfanny!

  54. 54
    Lefty LimpyDims are toast tomorrow says:

    And they spent 17 years whining about school children not getting free milk. And then continued the same policy themselves.

  55. 55
    BOB coCROWch says:

    I couldn’t pass that test so I joined London Undergraaaaaahnd.

  56. 56
    Churchill says "Oh, Yes" says:

    Bone Head Ed from Isliington perhaps?

  57. 57
    Me says:

    ‘cos ‘e drove the baker’s van!

  58. 58
    Joss Taskin says:

    Wrong Ernie, surely ??

  59. 59
    Gordon Brown says:

    I know that when I die, no one will dance on my grave. The nation will be in mourning.

  60. 60
    Churchill says "Oh, Yes" says:

    You missed out Dick Ed.

  61. 61
    Lefty LimpyDims are toast tomorrow says:

    How a man with no (zero, nada) O’levels – who worked as a shelf-stacker at Tesco before taking the intellectually demanding role of postman – has the gall to try and lecture anyone about anything. He may as well have “I am a thick working class c’unt’ branded on his forehead with an iron. Sheesh.

  62. 62
    Engineer says:

    It was Eric’s line. Ernie was the one with the short fat hairy legs, always trying to stage the play what he’d wrote.

  63. 63
    Engineer says:

    For ‘mourning’ read ‘laughing’.

  64. 64
    Lefty LimpyDims are toast tomorrow says:

    I hope you have good stamina. It would take several hours to climb over all the shoes to get to the bed.

  65. 65
    Bled White Taxpayer says:

    There’s no defence.

  66. 66
    That women is a bigot and I blame Sue says:

    “Doctor” J Gordon Brown was an intellectual giant indeed and an economic genius He was master of putting people immediately at their ease and their was no awkardness about his manner .it is a vicious calumny by the Tory Party that he was in fact economically illiterate;threw Nokia Mobile phones at his aides heads;thumped his driver in the back;tossed secretaries off their chairs and stabbed his biro into his desk at Downing Street and that the Despatch Box had to be takeb away for french polishing during the 2008 recess to get rid of the ink marks from Mr Brown’s pen

  67. 67
    AC1 says:

    doubt cameron would talk about “charlie”…

  68. 68
    Kelvin Hopkins MP for Fairy Dairy Land says:

  69. 69
    AC1 says:

    + 1 both authoritarians with dunning kruger.

  70. 70
    PC Piggy Plod says:

    For God’s sake don’t get murdered – we’d have to interview 60 million suspects.

  71. 71
    AC1 says:

    be honest, the ones with academic credentials are hardly performers either.

  72. 72
    Steve Miliband says:

    I used to be a gynacologist. I still like to keep my hand in though

  73. 73
    Lefty LimyDims are toast tomorrow says:

    That’s spelt “Chuka Umunna”

  74. 74
    Victor Meldrew says:

    I don’t belkieve it.

  75. 75
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Quite. So my first preference is eliminated!

  76. 76
    Anonymous says:

    For ‘dance’ read shitting.

  77. 77
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    No one will dance on your grave because we’ll get you buried at sea.

  78. 78

    Eddie Izzrd makes AV clearer on the politics show.

    AV is like cheese. Everyone likes cheese, but some like Dairylea and some like cheder and some like blue…The moon is made of cheese. Only its Edam. There’s a Dutchman living in the moon saying “Help Help! I’m surrounded by bloody cheese..Help!”
    Only he says it in a Dutch way which is more “He shevery body. Shelp me ya! i am eating the cheese and schmoking the red bit on the edam”

    What is that red bit for? Why doesn’t Dairylea have a red candle making kit on each triangle? {James mason voice} I’d like some cheese please. With the red bit round the edge, but not Edam..cause Edam’s crap”

    {continues for 20 mins}

    And so that’s why we should all vote for AV

  79. 79
    Aunt Hilda says:

    its very obvious ‘ittle Ed is still deluding himself that by repeating the silly lines he uses at PMQs the nation will really take him seriously…

    risible reality of the shadow tactics again today cynically espoused by Yvette Cooper on world at one today ……ranting the same denial lines and budget cut jibes …overbearing manic speech…made all the more laughable when she and her spineless double talking husband helped to create the 13 year shambles we are having to deal with.

  80. 80

    Red Ed, after much spin doctoring and focus group testing has found all the right sounds the public wants to hear. He is hitting all the right notes.

    Just not necessarily in the right order.

  81. 81
    Gordacov says:

    I wrote a bestselling book on Courage.

    I’m currently working on the sequel. Guinness.

  82. 82
    Anonymous says:

    A few “scouse gits” whilst looking at Ed Balls might go down well.

  83. 83
    The BBC says:

    BBC News, reporting from Fairy Dairy Land

  84. 84
    Anonymous says:

    I thought telling that numptie to apologise for winning an all women shortlist was pretty amusing..

  85. 85
    Aunt Hilda says:

    Cheering in the morning more like

  86. 86
    Teresa "may" says:

    Only if I can keep my space helmet on

  87. 87
    A nurse writes says:

    Could he not do it in the style of Reg Varney from On The Buses? Next time he was moaned at by a Labour sourpuss he could start any reply with a wink and a loud Coooorrrrr!!

  88. 88

    Oh yes, how we laughed our bollocks off at Dave’s quick rebuttal.

  89. 89
    Flying Picket says:

    Bob Crow couldn’t even pass a DNA test

  90. 90
    Potkettle says:

    If we are going seventies couldn’t he tell Ed to stop looking at his Pussy

  91. 91
    Angie "the Eagle" Edwards says:

    Ha ha. That’s brilliant!

  92. 92
    Nemo says:

    Yes but they are repeating old ones what about some originality or are Dave’s speak writers just idol, come Guido you could be a good speech writer also a good director of communications, why hasn’t Davey spotted you you could put of vitriol in to his speeches, you will attract a certain type of voter aker like this Blog, it would do the cons a world of good, go on put lead in his pencil, we’ve seen the results of Ted’s lead in his pencil.

  93. 93
    Nemo says:

    Moderate, moderate sung like that daft Halifax advert

  94. 94
    Nemo says:

    He must of thinking of Gordon and B’Liar

  95. 95
    Nemo says:

    And pray who did you impersonate. do tell

  96. 96
    Nemo says:

    You mean this blog

  97. 97
    Nemo says:

    Why who are you

  98. 98
    Mica in Spain says:

    how about another insurance link
    I’m sure he could slip in “Go Compare”

  99. 99
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    “Silly old moo” to Harman or a “Titter ye not missus” :-)

  100. 100
    Axe The Telly Tax says:

    The Imelda Marcos of the Tory Party ;-)

  101. 101
    Yuk says:

    I wanted to be a gynaecologist, but I couldn’t find an opening.

  102. 102
    Thor says:

    i read earlier today 4-5-2011 a blogger said they would love to perform cunnilingus on sarah palin i could not help but laugh as sex and politics are never far apart anyway! eg bill clinton and ms lewinsky in late 90s other bloggers have commented on yvette cooper or caroline flint as politicians fuck us with taxes on taxes you can understand why some bloggers want to fuck them back! what do you get in return for your votes? taxes and less money to live on while they live opulent lives at our expense remember film you don t mess with the zohan when arabs talk politics they discussed how shaggable politicians were! politicians make people poor in return for your votes

  103. 103
    genghiz the kahn says:

    You have to ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky? Well do ya, punk.”

  104. 104
    robbie says:

    Start searching the Frankie Howard scripts for next week….

  105. 105
    Rufus T. Firefly says:

    A tub of lard?

  106. 106
    Old dog no tricks says:

    Afraid ? Or another joke ?

  107. 107
    Old dog no tricks says:

    How about “F*ck off you worthless piece of sh1t !

    Sure I heard it in a 70’s porno somewhere !

  108. 108
    Airey Belvoir says:

    I’m a gynecologist and I painted my front hall through the letterbox.

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