April 15th, 2011

Want To Work For Mike Hancock?

Self-confessed teen fondler and LibDem MP Mike Hancock is “looking to recruit two bright, hard-working candidates to volunteer” in his office. The fact that he’s not paying his interns should be least of Nick Clegg’s worries when it comes to this backbencher. The advert goes on to say:

“Applicants should be reliable, enthusiastic and be sympathetic to the aims and values of the Liberal Democrats. Strong IT, organisational skills and a sense of humour essential.”

Admitting to cheating on your wife and  “kissing and cuddling” with a teenage girl in court is hardly a laughing matter.

Responsibilities for the job include:

But beware, the successful candidate “will be required to comply with the Baseline Personnel Security Standard, undertaken by the Members’ Staff Verification Office (MSVO).” 

Have they run Hancock through that verification process recently? 


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Some derangened looney will want to.

  2. 2
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    And how come this wierdo hasnt been kicked out of parliament yet? Or at least the Lib dems, How is Lib dems values to touch up a teenager or harras mentally ill voters?

  3. 3
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    I think its pretty fair to say Guido detests handy-cock.

    And why not, the man is a perverted menace to national security and a disgraceful MP for a shit party.

    Carry on.

  4. 4

    75,000 applied for the position of Charlie Sheen’s intern which presumably required a similar degree of moral flexibility. How many applicants will Mike have? Perhaps smarkets could do us an index.

  5. 5
    Silvio Berlusconi says:

    Teen fondling did you say?? Splendido!

    I’m not running again so if I can keep out of jail then count me in!!

  6. 6
    Lescromps says:

    Well he happens to be my MP,you bloody well sure about all this Guido,we get nothing in the local paper about any of this,last we heard he;d been cleared of all this stuff ???ffs

  7. 7
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Some Ugandan work may also be required…

  8. 8
    Greater Personchester Cop says:


    “Standing up for Portsmouth” …. snigger snigger…..guffaww

  9. 9
    Lib Dumbs says:

    That’s unfair!
    Some of them cave the skulls of pet cats in for fun. No wonder Clegg is their leader.

  10. 10
    May Wipeout says:

    by “cleared” do you mean Nick said it was fine?

    let’s face it, Nick needs someone in there to make him look good by comparison

  11. 11
    Polly's Villa in Tuscany says:


    How this perverted Russian spy can be allowed to continue undermining the UK is beyond me. He obviously has something on somebody.

  12. 12
    Andy Gray says:

    So, can we expect some one else to be present at the interview? Or will it be a sort of ‘casting’?

  13. 13
    Dick the Prick says:

    Dunno TT, hanging about with a couple of porn stars could be quite educational for the right candidate. ‘What did you learn today, son?’ ‘How to double team dad, it’s not as easy as it looks’.

  14. 14
    PD77 says:

    Sounds like a smashing job! ;)

  15. 15
    WTF? says:

  16. 16
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    O/T Today is Friday, The day of the famous Caption contest, I think it should be re-named “Friday fun”, I say this because in the last few months there has only been 1 or 2 annouced winners, I have no problem with this, But as Guido said other day “Its the readers that make this blog” , So i think out of respect for the readers it should be re-named or at least a paragraph saying “There was no winner, all entries were shit and no-one made Guido laugh” , Then at leat we would know were we stand ( or sit) .

    I know you wont take any notice of this post Guido, But i just wanted to get it of my chest . Your blog, Your rules :-)

  17. 17
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    At least we know weirdos are in all parties….

  18. 18
    Jeremy Thorpe says:

    Shut ya mouth, or I’ll have someone assassinate your dog.

  19. 19
    PD77 says:

    More embarrassing when you cross “swords”!

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

    “sympathetic to the aims and values of the Liberal Democrats”

    unlike the leadership and most of the parliamentary party

  21. 21
    P. Doff says:

    Not that I’m anti-French, but you and William the Conqueror were both fucking Normans!

  22. 22
    Engineer says:

    Imagine how the Wurzel felt about being leered at by a Labour twitterer. Personally, I have more sympathy for the Wurzel, and hope he recovers soon.

  23. 23
    Krays-e Lord Boothby says:

    I suspect the fcukers in Westminster and beyond are all bribing and blackmailing each other.

  24. 24
    Cpt. James T. Thorpe says:

    Beam me up Scottie.

  25. 25
    It Started in America says:

    2015 – CON GAIN Portsmouth South

  26. 26
    Ruby the Heart-Stealer says:

    That’ll be a thousand euros, please.


  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Still he is part of the CONDOM government so he should be a fine man. How is the guy who like to share bed with younger men? Gaddafi could entertain him in his tent with some young men and solve his problems.

  28. 28
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Remember “Afghan Ron”, Brown? Hancock’s not in his class when it comes to fraternal relations with the enemy.

  29. 29
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    “will be required to comply with the Baseline Personnel Security Standard, undertaken by the Members’ Staff Verification Office (MSVO).”

    My god, I honestly read ‘Baseline’ as Vaseline.

  30. 30
    Cato Street Conspirator says:


  31. 31
    Penfold says:

    Hasn’t HandyCock got himself on the register yet?

    No doubt the casting couch will get some overtime in during the i/v and vetting process.
    Perhaps its time for his long suffering wife to select the interns, as a protective measure you understand. A pair of strapping ex-RN dykes would be appropiate………………………

  32. 32
    Anonymous says:

    Still its fine when Russian’s give money to conservative party. What do you think they want? Hague from Osborne and Hague.

  33. 33
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    You are an imposter – not enough spelling, grammar and syntax mistakes.

  34. 34
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    No, Its the real Billy , I always have a moan at no winners anouced for the caption contest :-)

  35. 35
    Gerry Mandering says:

    Well that’s the Wurzel vote gone.

  36. 36
    Anonymous says:

    Still taxi service is going fine. You can hire them as long as you are not Al-Fayed.

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    More like few pints.

  38. 38
    Lord Fondlebum of Boy and Bankbonus says:

    I’m just tickety-boo, thank you so much for asking.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    Why don’t you come to UK and go to our pubs and clubs, its cheap. After nine months they could go and claim benefits as single parents, every one is a winner except the tax payers.

  40. 40
    Original draft of the advert says:

    Bubbly 16 year old girls required to service me, I mean work for me.

  41. 41
    PD77 says:


  42. 42
    Engineer says:

    You slipped that one in on the sly, didn’t you?

  43. 43
    Billy Bowden says:

    I’m Billy and so is my wife..

  44. 44
    PD77 says:

    LOL Liebour trolls really should think some things through ;)

  45. 45
    Mike Cock-in-Hand says:

    If they have damp bits I’ll consider ‘em.

  46. 46
    PD77 says:

    He’s Spartacus!

  47. 47
    ghost of Bill Hicks says:

    p.s. Down below should look like a paper cut covered by a wisp of cotton candy.

  48. 48
    Billy Bowden's on Benefits says:

    There are a fair few actually.

  49. 49
    Investors in Tory Party says:

    Financiers in the City of London provided more than 50% of the funding for the Tories last year, new research has revealed, prompting claims that the party is in thrall to the banks.

    A study by the Bureau for Investigative Journalism has found that the City accounted for £11.4m of Tory funding – 50.79% of its total haul – in 2010, a general election year. This compared with £2.7m, or 25% of its funding, in 2005, when David Cameron became party leader.

    But there were still big City donations last year. David “Spotty” Rowland gave more than £4m. Stanley Fink, a hedge fund manager who was appointed the Tory treasurer last year in succession to Spencer, gave £1.9m while George Magan gave £485,000. Magan was also given a peerage.

  50. 50
    Nick Clegg says:

    We welcome diversity and individualism in the party.

  51. 51
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    You mean they stopped giving to Labour and gave to Tories, i never heard the left complain when they got the money and support.

  52. 52
    Nick Clegg says:

    What’s the difference between Mike Hancock and Ballyregan Bob. Ballyregan Bob waits for the hare to show.

  53. 53
    Questions on application form says:

    Do you spit or swallow?

    Do you promise not to tell anyone what we do?

  54. 54
    Investors says:

    We will give money money to any one who will sell policies, we controls your political parties. If BNP will win we will give them money as well.

    Next time we are planning an auction.

  55. 55
    Professor Henry Brubaker, Institute for Studies says:

    Don’t google it but I expect that Handy Cock might be using ‘Casting Couch teens’ for reference (at least not from a work computer!) to plan his job ‘interview’

  56. 56
    Call me Infidel says:

    The “wurzel” was most possibly one of the skanks constituents. Nice that she holds her voters in such contempt.

  57. 57
    South of the M4 says:

    A healthy contempt for your constituents then. If I didn’t know you were a Labour MP, I would have guessed.

  58. 58
    Text from Handycock to Kate Middleton says:

    Gimme a chance Princess, I can make u happy. xxx

  59. 59
    Conservatives says:

    Every thing is for sale. Only question is the price.

  60. 60
    Handycock's motto says:

    It’s a man’s obligation
    To stick his boneration
    Between a teenage girl’s separation

  61. 61
    Investors says:

    Only question is how much you want to betray the fools who voted for you?

  62. 62
    Vince Cable says:

    What? Yes. Oh. Who?! Now then. I see that… Where? Oh ok. Why?! Hold on. I was just saying that… Who?! Yes.

  63. 63
    Conservatives says:

    For sale for sale; hasn’t got much time left. Bargains up to 75% off, every policy is up for sale.

  64. 64
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Sense of humour especially needed with this politclown, who keeps his brain tucked away in his Y-Fronts. Careful if he says ‘Hands up’. That means hands up knickers.

  65. 65
    Wannabe WAG says:

    Hi Mike I’m excellent at dicktation and I’ve always had a thing for Catweazle.

  66. 66
    Downtrodden says:


    He made lurrrrvvvve to them.

  67. 67
    Sir Les Patterson says:

    I can advise him on interview techniques.

  68. 68
    Jacqui says:

    Mike has always been faithful to me. How do I know, because he has told me so. I therefore trust him to select his own Interns. The fact that this employment Ad has also appeared in the Russian Press, does not phase me at all. Mike is also a Patriot, he has told me that too.

  69. 69
    Portsmouth Advertiser says:

    Dirty old MP seeks young girlies to perv at for free. Need not be English speakers.

  70. 70
    Nearly Headless Nick. says:

    “”kissing and cuddling” with a teenage girl in court ”
    Really? Did he kiss and cuddle in court?
    Punctuation is NOT unnecessary!

  71. 71
    HRH The Duke of Edinburgh says:

    I demand that MI5 lock up this Spy and Pervert, and throw away the key. Is there no such thing as Royal Prerogative anymore in this f*cked up country?

  72. 72
    Handycock says:

    Are you under 17 and is your name Ruby the Heartbreaker by any chance? If so the job is yours.

  73. 73
    Dereksimpsonsgraceandfavourmansion says:

    the only registers he needs to be on is a. fifth column b. sex offenders

  74. 74
    Anonymous says:

    cheating on your wife and ”kissing and cuddling” with a teenage girl in court is hardly a laughing matter”

    But really good fun.

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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