Taking the Kids to Saturday’s Big Event

Mrs Fawkes has chosen to go to New York and left Guido in sole charge of Miss Fawkes (5 11/12)  and Ms Fawkes (3 3/4) for the whole of a weekend where Grandad and Grandma Fawkes are unavailable. So how to entertain them this weekend is a concern. Actually it is a gnawing fear in the pit of Guido’s stomach.

Sunday is sorted at a friend’s barbecue. Saturday is a long day, Guido expects to be woken by Ms Fawkes around dawn demanding CBeebies be switched on. Breakfast will be easy, chocolate croissants should put daddy in the good books and leave only twelve hours until bedtime stories. Fortunately there is a big event on Saturday which will keep them entertained all day. Guido is of course referring to the opening of Peppa Pig World. You didn’t think there was an alternative, did you?

Teachers’ Strike Explained

The National Union of Teachers really must do better.

1/10, see Guido after school…

Friday Caption Competition

We have a copy of Heather Brooke’s The Silent State: Secrets, Surveillance and the Myth of British Democracy to give away to a co-conspirator who comes up with an amusing caption.  Heather was the campaigner who went to court to get MPs expenses released under the Freedom of Information Act. Without her crooked MPs would still be pontificating in parliament instead of doing porridge. Usual rules apply.

IPSA Say “That Will Do Nicely”

IPSA is under prolonged and heavy attack from MPs who are using every trick in the book to undermine and thwart it. It is fair to say that IPSA was a badly conceived idea produced in a panic during the dying days of the Brown tyranny, it wastes a lot of money itself and could in truth be better organised. Nevertheless one fact strikes Guido, the new expenses regime has saved £18 million. The fact that MPs hate the bureaucracy created might make them think about the quangos and regulations they inflict upon us. The political class has only itself to blame. Remember 52% of MPs had to repay fiddled expenses…

Back in 2009, before IPSA was set up, the Sunlight Centre produced recommendations which included a House of Commons debit card as the best way to regulate legitimate expenses. The transactions would as normal be electronically recorded and could thus be published online in real-time, the spending limits would be automatic and bureaucracy would be minimal. The idea was first proposed in Disinfecting Parliament, a report that recommended a number of measures based on best practice in the private sector that could easily be transferred to IPSA. Two years later IPSA has finally announced a plan to introduce debit cards…

Guy News Special Report:
Exposing the Guardian’s Hypocritical Tax Dodges

The GuyNews.TV team has been investigating the Guardian’s murky financial affairs for weeks, we have their press office on speed dial. The Guardian’s editor Alan Rusbridger says he asked the GMG plc CEO to answer our questions. So far all we have got is a terse statement from GMG plc. However the GuyNews.TV investigative team has spoken with insiders and literally got inside the Guardian. Our report will be going out exclusively to Guidogram subscribers at 5 p.m. today – the truth is a story which will shock Guardian readers.

If you want to see our Guy News Special Report tonight, subscribe for free to the Guidogram here

Nick Agrees With Dave

Vodpod videos no longer available.

For his weirdie beardie critics in his own party this little slip-up will symbolise Clegg getting too close to Cameron. Oh well…

TRUMP SINGS “WE’RE GONNA BUILD A WALL” TRUMP SINGS “WE’RE GONNA BUILD A WALL”
OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED EDDIE IZZARD’S HOTEL BILLS NOT LAWFULLY DECLARED
POLITICAL PARTY RICHLIST POLITICAL PARTY RICHLIST
EU PLOTS TAX ID NUMBERS FOR EVERY EUROPEAN CITIZEN EU PLOTS TAX ID NUMBERS FOR EVERY EUROPEAN CITIZEN
MUNT ADMITS SHE DIDN’T DECLARE LOCAL CAMPAIGN TRANSPORT MUNT ADMITS SHE DIDN’T DECLARE LOCAL CAMPAIGN TRANSPORT
OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE
CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN
SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
CRICK CRICK’D CRICK CRICK’D
EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER