March 14th, 2011

The Tory Party at Prayer

The congregation of St Peters Church in Hammersmith are getting used to a new star amongst the flock. A slightly more-on-the-ball parishioner noticed some subtler changes too. Naturally the people of Japan were at the forefront of the vicar’s request for prayers, but there was some confusion to why the local Tory council was in his thoughts this week. The government too…

The vicar also discussed the importance of solving unemployment and even invited his flock to a big society-esque meeting about  finding  jobs this Wednesday at a local pub. Regulars definitely noticed a change in tone that can only be explained by the leather jacket-clad “trendy dad” Craig Oliver, who was seen chatting away with the vicar for so long at the end that he caused a queue to get out. Guido can only assume Oliver was thanking the vicar for the government’s new found backing from God.

Next week the St Peters will be treated to a correspondent from the BBC World Service speaking about how his faith inspires his work. Who could have organised that…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    so some tories dont eat babies then?

  2. 2
    Andy Coulson says:

    I’m praying for divine intervention. I’m going to need it…

  3. 3
    Dick the Prick says:

    Hang on – is this Oliver a Tory though? I bet he’s never joined the party. It ain’t the Labour party, you don’t have to be a signed up member to blag a job or be an alcoholic porn writer to be their spin doctor. Crafting the message has fuck all to do with ideology and the lad better just stick to his gig rather than getting above himself.

  4. 4
    BBC Editor says:

    All the time.

  5. 5
    Dick the Prick says:

    Geez, what the hell is Jo Swinburn wearing? It’s like she’s just popped up from t’market in Albert Square.

  6. 6
    Sir Ian Paisley says:

    ‘UK could arm Libyan rebels’, Hague hints as he says: ‘We must make a decision soon’
    Nothing learnt from history like arming the Taliban, what’s he going to give them surface to air missiles which will soon be used to shot down western civil aircraft.
    Keep you nose out of it Hague.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Mountains; molehills: man goes to his local church isn’t a great one, Guido. The C of E service always includes praying for the government; St Peter’s is a busy chruch so there’s always a queue to get out; the job thing is new, but the idea started a while ago to provide a support network for people out of work – churches do that kind of thing: help people; and the world service guy has been going there for ages. Go hunting for a real story.

  8. 8
    Dick the Prick says:

    Craig Murray’s running with a story that Hilary Clinton has fixed it. Worth a read if you like that kinda shit.

  9. 9
    Shock horror Vicar does his job properly. says:

    “Vicar talks to congregation on their way out of church”

    You must be getting desperate Guido

  10. 10
    SocialGhism says:

    That’s our local church. The pub next door is frequented by the top gear wine hating bloke.

  11. 11

    We are experts in making mountains out of molehills, that is why we’re #1.

  12. 12

    That you Craig?

  13. 13
    fuck them all says:

    He’s a C U N T too.

  14. 14
    paaaaaaaaarp says:

    more tea vicar?

  15. 15
    paaaaaaaaarp says:

    another coconut macaroon Reverend Sampson?

  16. 16
    fuck the establishment says:

    A #2 would be nearer the mark.

  17. 17
    Cherie Blairs QVC says:

    I wants more shit dug up on that prize cow’s c’unt Balls, I wants it immejitlee if not sooner.

    Get to work pikey

  18. 18
    Titford Hat says:

    Would that be

    W6 9AZ

    by any chance?

  19. 19
    Sally Bumscows says:

    You are Stella Creasy and err…go fuck yourself.

  20. 20
    Liebour: Fiddlers on the Hoof says:

    Devine intervention ?? Is it an expenses fiddle ??

  21. 21
    SocialGhism says:


  22. 22
    paul says:

    I think I’ve been to that church – not a bad place for a crusty old loaf and a glass of wine !

  23. 23
    Alyingstare Campbell says:

    Tony never ‘did’ God. Honest.

  24. 24
    Proof that The BBC have strayed says:

    The original BBC charter at broadcasting house. Their only excuse could be that it is written in Latin and no one at the BBC can read Latin anymore.

    This Temple of the Arts and Muses is dedicated to Almighty God by the first Governors of Broadcasting in the year 1931, Sir John Reith being Director- General. It is their prayer that good seed sown may bring forth a good harvest, that all things hostile to peace or purity may be banished from this house, and that the people, inclining their ear to whatsoever things are beautiful and honest and of good report, may tread the path of wisdom and uprightness.

  25. 25
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    No Totty for a few days Guido and now you getting religous on us , Whats happing ??????? :-)

  26. 26
    Yvette's Cooper says:

    He’s got a really tiny pathetic knob, a pair of small bollocks, and a large purple anus which has to be creamed to cool it down each morning.

  27. 27
    Ms Creasy says:

    Go fuck yourself you hatchet faced, bug eyed, screaming imbecile.

    Oh and luv, just because those cu’nts at the Biased Broadcasting Corp seem to think your opinion is important, dosen’t actually mean it is.

    Go and do something worthwile…suck off a few tramps tonight.

  28. 28
    A landlord says:

    There’s shit everywhere

  29. 29
    Shlomo Millibends says:

    Yeth but way do I hath to cream it for him Mith Coopers?

  30. 30
    AC1 says:

    “Hilary Clinton has fixed it”. This does not bode well. She’s not exactly noted for success..

  31. 31
    AC1 says:

    He didn’t like to look down on deities.

  32. 32
    Sally Bumscows says:

    I do gobble off little tramps and then I ask him to turn around whilst I strap on a huge mandingo and force it up his grumpy botty.

  33. 33
    ???? says:

    Has she run it past Bob Gates though ? I seem to recall that a couple of weeks ago she said the USA would supply the Leeb-yan rebels with anything they wanted only to have Gates slap her down…..can’t “Dave” & Co get it into their heads yet….the US Administration is split over “no-fly zones” and Obama’s not interested in running the risk of another Middle East invasion this near to an election year…he expected the europeans to do the job…in which case he’ll be waiting a long time

  34. 34
    Damien McBridles says:

    Time for some smearin methinks

  35. 35
    Richard Timney says:

    This week I shall mainly be watching Backdoor Babes 2: Electric Boogaloo, and Backdoor Babes 3: Electric Buggery.

  36. 36
    Mike Hunt says:

    “Faith is believing something you know aint so”

    Mark Twain (I am pretty sure)

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Mixing politics with religion is not a good idea;it always makes trouble.

  38. 38
    Lord Lucan says:

    Oliver’s Dad is some kind of Churchie freak isn’t he?

  39. 39
    Tardkiller says:

    we didn’t arm the taliban you fuckwit, get your facts right

  40. 40
    Chamberlain says:


  41. 41
    Andrew says:

    The good thing is that it all seems a very middle of the road CofE church, with seems to use the Book of Common Prayer. We therefore, do not need to worry that a tambourine waving happyclappy is advising Dave

  42. 42
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    Building up the Brownie Points to get the kids into the Church School ?

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    I would much rather have people in number 10 who listen to God on Sunday than a bunch of idiots like Nulabour who thought they were gods.

  44. 44
    Matt says:

    People have been going to church for centuries. what’s new? better than a trip to corfu to consult the dark lords of capitalism.

  45. 45
    Matt says:

    The founding fathers of America thought it different: the church needed protection from the state.

  46. 46
    Anonymous says:

    And only if they’ve been fattened then mashed with a little foie gras and truffle oil first.
    Never with ketchup and processed cheese of course.

  47. 47
    Doc Trough says:

    I used to be all messed up on drugs. Since I discovered The Lord, I’m all messed up on The Lord….

  48. 48
    Zac Willow says:

    No, it’s a ‘grace and favour’ perk.

Seen Elsewhere

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I Am Bearing My Breasts | Laura Perrins

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