March 14th, 2011

Rich and Mark’s Monday Morning View


110 Comments

  1. 1
    Hugh Janus says:

    Oh my aching sides.

    Like

    • 12
      Barnaby says:

      Who is it?

      Like

      • 14
        Anonymous says:

        Paul Daniels?

        Like

      • 22
        Dick the Prick says:

        All is well in the world. Last week’s was quite good so we’re back to normality again.

        Like

        • 26
          Tessa Tickles says:

          I wonder what did Mark Andrich did in the other 47 hours 59 minutes of the weekend.

          Like

          • Top top BBC reporter on the ground in Japan says:

            “Here on the ground, Huw, it’s a disaster! Japan is wall-to-wall nips! Hideously nip. Don’t these people understand the blessings of cultural diversity, like in UK? It’s a sign from G_d: miscegenate or die, muthafucking nip racists!”

            that editorial was brought to you by the racially pure Chosen Ones.

            Like

          • how come so many nips here? says:

            They’re all over my area of SE London. God knows how so many get visas. It’s not as if there are ANY Japanese restaurants around these parts; just the usual 99% kebab concentration.

            Like

          • Dick the Prick says:

            @Tessa – dunno – mastabate? @Top BBC Reporter – ah, did you catch Jim Naughtie this morning on Today – good grief, the man thinks he’s Shakespeare. ‘I see a bird taking off, unaware of the emotional devastation that has been wreaked upon this great nation, i’m walking over litter, detritus washed down by the terrible surge….et fucking cetera.

            I know Today specialises in irrelevant waffle but today’s was a masterpiece in drivel.

            Like

          • Hugh Janus says:

            I agree Dick, McNaughtie was in full-on gushing mode this morning. At this rate he should qualify for his own entry in Private Eye’s Pseuds Corner. Insufferable and un-listenable. He should stick to book reviews instead of polluting news and current affairs with this nonsense.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            must say I was wondering why we need the Toady presenter live from Japan, surely a report from a reporter already there would suffice, what value does having James Naughtie out there add? If the local BBC staffer isnt good enough to provide analysis then replace them, but dont fly out another crew and support team just to what is little more than goggle at the devastation.

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            Agreed. Naughtie could have conducted interviews perfectly adequately from the Today studio.
            Couldn’t there be some kind of pool arrangement for journalists rather than news organisations sending teams of hacks and support staff. They rarely provide any enlightening coverage and simply use up valuable resources that would be better directed to emergency crews and the Japanese survivors.

            Like

          • Airey Belvoir says:

            So the cash-conscious (allegedly) BBC had Naughtie in Japan interviewing the Japanese Ambassador in London. Beyond parody.

            Like

    • 16
      Chris says:

      What’s a Mo Jo?

      Like

  2. 2
    Lou Scannon says:

    Uncle Festus ?
    Oh, no, wait – it’s Nosferatu.

    Like

  3. 3
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Perfect likeness…….of his shoes….

    Like

  4. 4
    woodruff says:

    yo suhi

    Like

  5. 5
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Dr James Gordon Brown = Dr Evil.

    Like

  6. 6
    JH says:

    OK.

    Guido, here is work by a talented cartoonist / impressionist. It rapiers the Maximum Imbecile with aplomb.

    I’m sure that talented individual would love the sort of exposure they could get here. Why not contact them? Thus sparing us this startlingly mediocre shite?

    Like

  7. 7
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Prescott = Fat Bastard.

    Like

  8. 8
    Doc Trough says:

    It would seem that the brown acid is not specifically, too good.

    Like

  9. 9
    Sonny Boy Williamson says:

    But does his mojo work?

    “I got my mojo working,has Billy Hague?”

    A great title for a blues tune

    Like

  10. 10
    Ed² says:

    We will be announcing our deficit reduction plan later. Here it is in full:

    That’s it

    Like

    • 17
      Anonymous says:

      Shame they couldn’t come up with a plan whilst in power.

      Like

      • 27
        Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

        They did have a plan – continually increase the deficit by pissing money up the wall in the hope that the Tories get the blame when the inevitable spending cuts take place. Brown and Balls in particular are evil shits who deserve all the abuse they get.

        Like

      • 28
        Engineer says:

        They did – they were going to halve the deficit in four years. How? Oh, they couldn’t be bothered with trivial details….

        Like

    • 19

      ” Labour deficit reduction plan” A contradiction in terms, an oxymoron, A piss in the wind!! By the way Although the current shower might be slightly reducing the PSBR the National debt is still going up each year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Like

      • 23
        COMRADE BOB CROW (ANNUAL SALARY £95K) says:

        WE MUST SPEND ARE WAY OUT OF THE INCREESING DET.

        Like

        • 68
          Dick the Prick says:

          You’re breathing Union air you slag. That’s a union pavement you’re walking on and those clothes you’re wearing, they’re union textiles. Anyway, have had a cup of tea now so must get on, it’s biscuit time – come on Comrades, to the cafe!

          Like

  11. 13
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Gordon Brown = Fook Youse.

    Like

  12. 15
    Call me Dave says:

    There is no money left however we will carry on pumping money in the general direction of Brussels without so much as a second thought.

    Oh yes!

    Like

    • 21
      A spokesman for Third-World Dictators says:

      And we get a pay-rise to £11bn p/a of your dosh, too! Kushti!

      Like

      • 32
        Call Me DO NOWT DAVE says:

        multilingual lDave phones the japanese PM:
        Herrow ! Dave here from Eingerand i see you have sunami
        good good how much money you rike
        we have roads !

        Like

    • 24
      van rompuy says:

      Ah, another £45 Million today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the …..

      Like

      • 61
        The Serene Baroness Ashton says:

        Shut it you slag. I’m top dog here, me. You can take that haiku and stuff it up your bespectacled Gollum like arse. Now, where’s my £350k for fuck all work. Don’t make me get up you slaaaaaaag.

        Like

  13. 25
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s good to see they’re back to labelling, so that we know who it’s supposed to be.

    Like

  14. 29
    EU traitors, prisoner votes, bailouts, NANNYING, muzzies, corrupt non-resigning MPs & me? No thanks. says:

    Andrew Lansley will be announcing a “Deal” (??!) on Tuesday which will see supermarkets, pubs and drinks manufacturers pledge to do their bit to reduce harmful drinking, such as labelling bottles and cans with the number of alcohol units. Other pledges will be made by the food and fitness industries.

    They will nanny you on the streets, they will nanny you in the shops and you will be nannied by other organisations on a daily basis.

    Before the election they intimated that the state would retreat from someone’s private life wherever it could.

    Like with many issues, they were, of course, lying.

    Like

    • 39
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      The Tories are just Blairites with blue ties and posher accents.

      Like

      • 44
        red/yellow/blue = all the same says:

        It’s amazing how many idiots voted for something just because it happened to be displaying a blue rosette.

        Like

        • 50
          Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

          Labour voters are no different – look how many voted Labour in the by-elections for Ilsley and Woolas’ seats. Despite being fucked over by two very unpleasant pricks who both got nailed by the courts the good little sheep still trotted off to the polls and voted Labour. How stupid can you get?

          Like

        • 51
          misterned says:

          Same applies to yellow and red rosettes too.

          Like

    • 88
      Fa Kin Su Pah says:

      Like the tree thingy. The fags thingy. I cannot believe they
      are pursuing such useless politics and
      following the health Nazi line. How fucking
      gormless can you get.

      Like

  15. 33

    A cynical person might say watch out today for announcements slipped out while media attention is diverted.

    The BBC announces that William Hague will receive a briefing on the Japanese situation. Like, duh, is there anything he can do about it and anyway, what is the Foreign Office for if not to keep their own secretary of state briefed? How come he doesn’t already know all there is to know, which isn’t very much.

    If a coordinated rescue effort is needed, I suggest Hague stops gassing and making work for Parisian florists and pastry-cooks, goes home, and lets the professionals get on with building rescue rafts out of salvaged plastic milk-bottles, seeing as how they scrapped Ark Royal with such brilliant foresight.

    Like

    • 43
      The Other Bloke says:

      Don’t worry. HMS Victory is still in commission.

      Like

    • 45
      Call me Dave - happiness czar says:

      If you’re happy and you know it sign my happiness index!

      Like

    • 75
      The UK punching above its weight again !!!! says:

      The BBC is from the “Something must be done ( i.e…convene COBRA to discuss options and then decide there’s fuck all the UK is able to do alone or convince its “allies” to do either and follow up with press conference where you mouth platitudes)” school of gesture politics and unfortunately so it seems is Hague(and Cameron)

      Like

  16. 35
    Stoke and proud says:

    Austin Powers is not gay you fuckwits.

    Like

  17. 37
    Paul Daniels says:

    You’ll like this…not a lot, but you’ll like it

    Like

  18. 38
    LIBYAN REBEL says:

    MR HAGUE ! Wheres my fucking no fly zone
    we are being slaughtered !

    Like

    • 62
      Lurker says:

      Sorry Mr Rebel its got sweet FA to do with us. Our previous attempts at intervention in Middle Eastern affairs were not exactly well received.

      Anyway don’t hold out much hope of the UN helping you. Russia and China don’t approve of the the UN interfering in a country’s internal affairs. See Chechnya and Tibet for example

      Like

      • 70
        Can we gorget about posturing about no-fly zones and sort out the UK first ? says:

        Too late the “west” has missed the opportunity……I think that most people now expect Gadaffi to re-gain control of his country within the next 2 weeks ….a “no fly zone” is a pointless exercise in gesture politics…..it won’t stop Gadaffi’s ground forces and tanks or naval ships re-taking Benghazi unless the “West” is prepared to launch a massive ground and air attack on those forces(which is unlikely to say the least….Obama is the only one capabale and he’s not keen at all)as to the Arab League let them provide the aircraft for any “no fly zone” if they want it……..

        Like

        • 74
          not in my name says:

          The Arabs are bristling with arms, planes and all other manner of offensive kit. If they support action then they should dust off that kit and put it to the use for which it was designed.

          What are they doing with all their BAE purchases if they have no intention of using them?

          Like

    • 66
      Aesop o'Sardis says:

      Please be patient. We are working very hard on this. We have had several meetings, quite a few press conferences and 127 photo opportunities. We are working 24 / 7 on our pursuit of being seen to be international statesmen.

      Like

      • 79
        Had enough of sponging pensioners says:

        Having had a chat with BP we have decided to stick with the status quo. The new incumbants may not view their contracts favourably and we need their tax contributions to fund 90 years olds who piss and shit themselves hourly with 24 hour care, with no/little concern for the young who have to pay for the loitering c_unts.

        Like

    • 76
      Dick the Prick says:

      Aren’t the Saudi’s tooled up to fuck? The Arab League have called for a no fly zone – is this a piss take? Are they having a spring break laugh? ‘I tell you what Rajif, why don’t we issue a communique that will make it seem like we could give a flying fuck about our brother muslims being slaughtered and watch the west have a dry wank over it?’ ‘Hee hee hee, good blag, do it, do it’. Hmmm….

      Like

      • 99
        Lurker says:

        The Saudis will be using their nice shiny kit just over the causeway in Bahrain.

        The last thing they want is the Shias there gaining any kind of control (and of course giving Iran any foothold on the Arabian Peninsula) as it will only encourage their own Shia minority.

        Like

    • 80
      Mr Wing wang woo says:

      Dear Mr Gaddafi and family. Now that you have fallen out with Mr cameron and his BP we would be delighted to help you tap into your vast oil reserves.

      Like

      • 100
        Lurker says:

        Ain’t that the truth.
        Gaddafi might be a mad c**t but DC has backed the wrong horse here.
        First rule of foreign policy… you don’t have friends only interests

        Like

    • 109
      Colonel Blimp says:

      Good; fewer fucking ragheads about.

      Like

  19. 42
    Wight Tory says:

    As prezzer would say, Fire up the 2 shags

    Like

  20. 47
    Martin Day says:

    A Tory peer will appear at the Old Bailey today accused of fiddling his expenses.

    Lord Hanningfield, 70, faces six charges of false accounting under the Theft Act.

    They allege that between March 2006 and May 2009 he submitted claim forms to the House of Lords which he knew were false.

    The charges are said to relate to overnight allowances for accommodation in London when records allegedly showed he was driven to his home near Chelmsford, Essex.

    Like

  21. 58
    Andy Coulson says:

    Oh fuck!

    … “Monday’s edition of Panorama includes an interview with Sean Hoare, the News of the World’s former showbusiness writer, who last year told the New York Times that Andy Coulson had actively encouraged him to hack voicemail. Hoare tells the programme that the news desk commissioned private investigators to access targets’ bank accounts, phone records, mortgage accounts and health records… “

    Like

  22. 72
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    Hague was rather good in opposition.
    Now in power, he does seem rather drained and
    aged by responsibility.
    Yvette Cooper was a strong character in power.
    Now in opposition, she seems drained, weak
    and spectacularly care worn. Aging as you look
    at her.

    Like

  23. 73
    Miss Ann says:

    Looks Like Japan is in meltdown. Not one, not two , but three nuclear reactors totally fooked. Little wonder that their cars are unsafe.

    Like

  24. 81
    Lenin says:

    Britain can only be repaired by compulsory repatriation. Almost all immigrants over the last 50 years, together with their families, should be returned to their country of origin.

    UK can only support around 30 million (source Friends of the Earth) so the other half have to go.

    Like

    • 92
      question says:

      Do you we get to hang on to
      our fat, welfare soaked but british Jeremy Kyle rejects?

      Like

      • 96
        You couldn't make it up says:

        April is nigh, welcome to Benefit Britain. Come and fill yer boots, its okay if you can’t spend it all, we will arrange for the rest to be sent home for you!

        Like

    • 95
      Fa Kin Su Pah says:

      I rather like the Poles, Aussies, Kiwis,
      Indians, Japanese, some Chinese,
      Americans, South Africans, Slovenes,
      Latvians and of course Germans.
      Don’t forget the Malays. Oops, what about the Dutch.
      Do you know what. I don’t think your idea
      is going to work. Think of something else.

      Like

  25. 84
    Eeu to me says:

    Just can’t take this, I actually recognised who R&M’s “cartoon” was without reading the name, this is just getting too much, I prefer the Monday morning guessing game.

    Like

  26. 85
    Dick Matthews says:

    This “cartoons” are consitently abysmal.

    Like

  27. 90
    davey boy miliband says:

    So would you all like to see Douglas Alexander do the job? The little weasel shit.

    Like

  28. 91
    Loungelizard says:

    as hague would say we’re all domed

    Like

  29. 93
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Guido, The cartoons remain at the same low standards , Consistancy is Skid Marks talent :-)

    Like

  30. 98
    Titford Hat says:

    Is it Shirley Bassey?

    Like

  31. 102
    gildedtumbril says:

    I recognised the useless fart at once, without reading the patter.
    Lamp posts and piano-wire call out for justice to be visited upon the inmates of the house of conmen. And what is euphemistically referred to as the ‘upper house’ needs to join the celebrations. Bastards all.

    Like

  32. 106
    Pass says:

    Terrible, that cartoon is shit, Richard & Mark need to up their game.

    Like

  33. 108
    Oscar's Son says:

    MOJO? Isn’t the word HOMO?

    Like


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Lord Glasman tells it like it is:

“The first thing is to acknowledge that Labour has been captured by a kind of aggressive public sector morality which is concerned with the individual and the collective but doesn’t understand relationships.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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