March 14th, 2011

Rich and Mark’s Monday Morning View


  1. 1
    Hugh Janus says:

    Oh my aching sides.

  2. 2
    Lou Scannon says:

    Uncle Festus ?
    Oh, no, wait – it’s Nosferatu.

  3. 3
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    Perfect likeness…….of his shoes….

  4. 4
    woodruff says:

    yo suhi

  5. 5
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Dr James Gordon Brown = Dr Evil.

  6. 6
    JH says:


    Guido, here is work by a talented cartoonist / impressionist. It rapiers the Maximum Imbecile with aplomb.

    I’m sure that talented individual would love the sort of exposure they could get here. Why not contact them? Thus sparing us this startlingly mediocre shite?

  7. 7
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Prescott = Fat Bastard.

  8. 8
    Doc Trough says:

    It would seem that the brown acid is not specifically, too good.

  9. 9
    Sonny Boy Williamson says:

    But does his mojo work?

    “I got my mojo working,has Billy Hague?”

    A great title for a blues tune

  10. 10
    Ed² says:

    We will be announcing our deficit reduction plan later. Here it is in full:

    That’s it

  11. 11
    R Cadier says:

    Surely not the work of SIR Philip ?????

  12. 12
    Barnaby says:

    Who is it?

  13. 13
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Gordon Brown = Fook Youse.

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    Paul Daniels?

  15. 15
    Call me Dave says:

    There is no money left however we will carry on pumping money in the general direction of Brussels without so much as a second thought.

    Oh yes!

  16. 16
    Chris says:

    What’s a Mo Jo?

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Shame they couldn’t come up with a plan whilst in power.

  18. 18
    Jon Snot. says:

    No,banker SIR Fred Goodwin.

  19. 19

    ” Labour deficit reduction plan” A contradiction in terms, an oxymoron, A piss in the wind!! By the way Although the current shower might be slightly reducing the PSBR the National debt is still going up each year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. 20
    I had to look it up says:

    Self-confidence or sex-appeal.

  21. 21
    A spokesman for Third-World Dictators says:

    And we get a pay-rise to £11bn p/a of your dosh, too! Kushti!

  22. 22
    Dick the Prick says:

    All is well in the world. Last week’s was quite good so we’re back to normality again.

  23. 23


  24. 24
    van rompuy says:

    Ah, another £45 Million today, and tomorrow, and the next day, and the …..

  25. 25
    Sir William Waad says:

    It’s good to see they’re back to labelling, so that we know who it’s supposed to be.

  26. 26
    Tessa Tickles says:

    I wonder what did Mark Andrich did in the other 47 hours 59 minutes of the weekend.

  27. 27
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    They did have a plan – continually increase the deficit by pissing money up the wall in the hope that the Tories get the blame when the inevitable spending cuts take place. Brown and Balls in particular are evil shits who deserve all the abuse they get.

  28. 28
    Engineer says:

    They did – they were going to halve the deficit in four years. How? Oh, they couldn’t be bothered with trivial details….

  29. 29
    EU traitors, prisoner votes, bailouts, NANNYING, muzzies, corrupt non-resigning MPs & me? No thanks. says:

    Andrew Lansley will be announcing a “Deal” (??!) on Tuesday which will see supermarkets, pubs and drinks manufacturers pledge to do their bit to reduce harmful drinking, such as labelling bottles and cans with the number of alcohol units. Other pledges will be made by the food and fitness industries.

    They will nanny you on the streets, they will nanny you in the shops and you will be nannied by other organisations on a daily basis.

    Before the election they intimated that the state would retreat from someone’s private life wherever it could.

    Like with many issues, they were, of course, lying.

  30. 30
    Selohesra says:

    Grant Mitchell?

  31. 31
    Carter Fuck says:

    You’re nicked!

  32. 32
    Call Me DO NOWT DAVE says:

    multilingual lDave phones the japanese PM:
    Herrow ! Dave here from Eingerand i see you have sunami
    good good how much money you rike
    we have roads !

  33. 33

    A cynical person might say watch out today for announcements slipped out while media attention is diverted.

    The BBC announces that William Hague will receive a briefing on the Japanese situation. Like, duh, is there anything he can do about it and anyway, what is the Foreign Office for if not to keep their own secretary of state briefed? How come he doesn’t already know all there is to know, which isn’t very much.

    If a coordinated rescue effort is needed, I suggest Hague stops gassing and making work for Parisian florists and pastry-cooks, goes home, and lets the professionals get on with building rescue rafts out of salvaged plastic milk-bottles, seeing as how they scrapped Ark Royal with such brilliant foresight.

  34. 34
    smoggie says:

    No it’s Paul Daniels the magician.

  35. 35
    Stoke and proud says:

    Austin Powers is not gay you fuckwits.

  36. 36
    TOO FAR says:

    Now that (U TUBE link) is funny

  37. 37
    Paul Daniels says:

    You’ll like this…not a lot, but you’ll like it

  38. 38
    LIBYAN REBEL says:

    MR HAGUE ! Wheres my fucking no fly zone
    we are being slaughtered !

  39. 39
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    The Tories are just Blairites with blue ties and posher accents.

  40. 40
    Anony Mouse says:

    Method of jacking off?

  41. 41
    Top top BBC reporter on the ground in Japan says:

    “Here on the ground, Huw, it’s a disaster! Japan is wall-to-wall nips! Hideously nip. Don’t these people understand the blessings of cultural diversity, like in UK? It’s a sign from G_d: miscegenate or die, muthafucking nip racists!”

    that editorial was brought to you by the racially pure Chosen Ones.

  42. 42
    Wight Tory says:

    As prezzer would say, Fire up the 2 shags

  43. 43
    The Other Bloke says:

    Don’t worry. HMS Victory is still in commission.

  44. 44
    red/yellow/blue = all the same says:

    It’s amazing how many idiots voted for something just because it happened to be displaying a blue rosette.

  45. 45
    Call me Dave - happiness czar says:

    If you’re happy and you know it sign my happiness index!

  46. 46
    genghiz the kahn says:

    Prescott’s two shaguars.

  47. 47
    Martin Day says:

    A Tory peer will appear at the Old Bailey today accused of fiddling his expenses.

    Lord Hanningfield, 70, faces six charges of false accounting under the Theft Act.

    They allege that between March 2006 and May 2009 he submitted claim forms to the House of Lords which he knew were false.

    The charges are said to relate to overnight allowances for accommodation in London when records allegedly showed he was driven to his home near Chelmsford, Essex.

  48. 48
    spad says:

    Molesting jobsworth?

  49. 49
    P Merton says:

    Just don’t let Phil the Greek too close.

  50. 50
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Labour voters are no different – look how many voted Labour in the by-elections for Ilsley and Woolas’ seats. Despite being fucked over by two very unpleasant pricks who both got nailed by the courts the good little sheep still trotted off to the polls and voted Labour. How stupid can you get?

  51. 51
    misterned says:

    Same applies to yellow and red rosettes too.

  52. 52
    how come so many nips here? says:

    They’re all over my area of SE London. God knows how so many get visas. It’s not as if there are ANY Japanese restaurants around these parts; just the usual 99% kebab concentration.

  53. 53
    Dick the Prick says:

    @Tessa – dunno – mastabate? @Top BBC Reporter – ah, did you catch Jim Naughtie this morning on Today – good grief, the man thinks he’s Shakespeare. ‘I see a bird taking off, unaware of the emotional devastation that has been wreaked upon this great nation, i’m walking over litter, detritus washed down by the terrible surge….et fucking cetera.

    I know Today specialises in irrelevant waffle but today’s was a masterpiece in drivel.

  54. 54

    Yoda’s evil pink twin.

  55. 55
    Aesop o'Sardis says:

    Boris Johnson’s Mum?

  56. 56
    Dick the Prick says:

    Mohammed Johnson – won the gold medal in 1972 for ladies LaCrosse

  57. 57
    Ron Seale says:

    Not quite up to my standards, is it ?

  58. 58
    Andy Coulson says:

    Oh fuck!

    … “Monday’s edition of Panorama includes an interview with Sean Hoare, the News of the World’s former showbusiness writer, who last year told the New York Times that Andy Coulson had actively encouraged him to hack voicemail. Hoare tells the programme that the news desk commissioned private investigators to access targets’ bank accounts, phone records, mortgage accounts and health records… “

  59. 59
    Lard Presclott of Bulimia, Bog Seats, Beams,Bellies,Banjos,Punches, Croquet, Pies, Jags 'n' Shags says:

    Pass those fooking pies over here !

  60. 60
    Joss Taskin says:

    Thanks, Fartin. How are Devine, Illsley and Chayter getting on in prison ??

  61. 61
    The Serene Baroness Ashton says:

    Shut it you slag. I’m top dog here, me. You can take that haiku and stuff it up your bespectacled Gollum like arse. Now, where’s my £350k for fuck all work. Don’t make me get up you slaaaaaaag.

  62. 62
    Lurker says:

    Sorry Mr Rebel its got sweet FA to do with us. Our previous attempts at intervention in Middle Eastern affairs were not exactly well received.

    Anyway don’t hold out much hope of the UN helping you. Russia and China don’t approve of the the UN interfering in a country’s internal affairs. See Chechnya and Tibet for example

  63. 63
    Kevin says:

    Yawn. Old news rehashed. Everyone knows that all papers do that.

  64. 64
    bubba - sent from my cell phone says:

    Is that you Andy!

  65. 65
    Eric Pickles says:

    That’s not very polite.

  66. 66
    Aesop o'Sardis says:

    Please be patient. We are working very hard on this. We have had several meetings, quite a few press conferences and 127 photo opportunities. We are working 24 / 7 on our pursuit of being seen to be international statesmen.

  67. 67
    Hugh Janus says:

    I agree Dick, McNaughtie was in full-on gushing mode this morning. At this rate he should qualify for his own entry in Private Eye’s Pseuds Corner. Insufferable and un-listenable. He should stick to book reviews instead of polluting news and current affairs with this nonsense.

  68. 68
    Dick the Prick says:

    You’re breathing Union air you slag. That’s a union pavement you’re walking on and those clothes you’re wearing, they’re union textiles. Anyway, have had a cup of tea now so must get on, it’s biscuit time – come on Comrades, to the cafe!

  69. 69
    Marmaduke says:

    How come Devine has not been sentenced? It was supposed to be 4 weeks after the trial which would have been last Thursday.

  70. 70
    Can we gorget about posturing about no-fly zones and sort out the UK first ? says:

    Too late the “west” has missed the opportunity……I think that most people now expect Gadaffi to re-gain control of his country within the next 2 weeks ….a “no fly zone” is a pointless exercise in gesture politics… won’t stop Gadaffi’s ground forces and tanks or naval ships re-taking Benghazi unless the “West” is prepared to launch a massive ground and air attack on those forces(which is unlikely to say the least….Obama is the only one capabale and he’s not keen at all)as to the Arab League let them provide the aircraft for any “no fly zone” if they want it……..

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    must say I was wondering why we need the Toady presenter live from Japan, surely a report from a reporter already there would suffice, what value does having James Naughtie out there add? If the local BBC staffer isnt good enough to provide analysis then replace them, but dont fly out another crew and support team just to what is little more than goggle at the devastation.

  72. 72
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    Hague was rather good in opposition.
    Now in power, he does seem rather drained and
    aged by responsibility.
    Yvette Cooper was a strong character in power.
    Now in opposition, she seems drained, weak
    and spectacularly care worn. Aging as you look
    at her.

  73. 73
    Miss Ann says:

    Looks Like Japan is in meltdown. Not one, not two , but three nuclear reactors totally fooked. Little wonder that their cars are unsafe.

  74. 74
    not in my name says:

    The Arabs are bristling with arms, planes and all other manner of offensive kit. If they support action then they should dust off that kit and put it to the use for which it was designed.

    What are they doing with all their BAE purchases if they have no intention of using them?

  75. 75
    The UK punching above its weight again !!!! says:

    The BBC is from the “Something must be done ( i.e…convene COBRA to discuss options and then decide there’s fuck all the UK is able to do alone or convince its “allies” to do either and follow up with press conference where you mouth platitudes)” school of gesture politics and unfortunately so it seems is Hague(and Cameron)

  76. 76
    Dick the Prick says:

    Aren’t the Saudi’s tooled up to fuck? The Arab League have called for a no fly zone – is this a piss take? Are they having a spring break laugh? ‘I tell you what Rajif, why don’t we issue a communique that will make it seem like we could give a flying fuck about our brother muslims being slaughtered and watch the west have a dry wank over it?’ ‘Hee hee hee, good blag, do it, do it’. Hmmm….

  77. 77
    Stephanie Flanders says:

    Give her a break. She is married to Ed Balls, that would age anyome prematurely.

  78. 78
    Met plod - sponsored by Westminster says:


  79. 79
    Had enough of sponging pensioners says:

    Having had a chat with BP we have decided to stick with the status quo. The new incumbants may not view their contracts favourably and we need their tax contributions to fund 90 years olds who piss and shit themselves hourly with 24 hour care, with no/little concern for the young who have to pay for the loitering c_unts.

  80. 80
    Mr Wing wang woo says:

    Dear Mr Gaddafi and family. Now that you have fallen out with Mr cameron and his BP we would be delighted to help you tap into your vast oil reserves.

  81. 81
    Lenin says:

    Britain can only be repaired by compulsory repatriation. Almost all immigrants over the last 50 years, together with their families, should be returned to their country of origin.

    UK can only support around 30 million (source Friends of the Earth) so the other half have to go.

  82. 82
    Yvette Ball-Scooper says:

    So would you be living with this Hoon.

  83. 83
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Anyone who can drive a Royal Navy frigate around the Med in his youth is OK by me.

  84. 84
    Eeu to me says:

    Just can’t take this, I actually recognised who R&M’s “cartoon” was without reading the name, this is just getting too much, I prefer the Monday morning guessing game.

  85. 85
    Dick Matthews says:

    This “cartoons” are consitently abysmal.

  86. 86
    Jabba the Cat says:

  87. 87
    Martin Day's goldfish says:

    feed me

  88. 88
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    Like the tree thingy. The fags thingy. I cannot believe they
    are pursuing such useless politics and
    following the health Nazi line. How fucking
    gormless can you get.

  89. 89
    Martin Day's goldfish says:

    I suggest you worry. Compare a toyota to a renault. perhaps a renault 14 produced in 1979.

  90. 90
    davey boy miliband says:

    So would you all like to see Douglas Alexander do the job? The little weasel shit.

  91. 91
    Loungelizard says:

    as hague would say we’re all domed

  92. 92
    question says:

    Do you we get to hang on to
    our fat, welfare soaked but british Jeremy Kyle rejects?

  93. 93
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Guido, The cartoons remain at the same low standards , Consistancy is Skid Marks talent :-)

  94. 94
  95. 95
    Fa Kin Su Pah says:

    I rather like the Poles, Aussies, Kiwis,
    Indians, Japanese, some Chinese,
    Americans, South Africans, Slovenes,
    Latvians and of course Germans.
    Don’t forget the Malays. Oops, what about the Dutch.
    Do you know what. I don’t think your idea
    is going to work. Think of something else.

  96. 96
    You couldn't make it up says:

    April is nigh, welcome to Benefit Britain. Come and fill yer boots, its okay if you can’t spend it all, we will arrange for the rest to be sent home for you!

  97. 97
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Even when you know who it is it’s still not funny.

  98. 98
    Titford Hat says:

    Is it Shirley Bassey?

  99. 99
    Lurker says:

    The Saudis will be using their nice shiny kit just over the causeway in Bahrain.

    The last thing they want is the Shias there gaining any kind of control (and of course giving Iran any foothold on the Arabian Peninsula) as it will only encourage their own Shia minority.

  100. 100
    Lurker says:

    Ain’t that the truth.
    Gaddafi might be a mad c**t but DC has backed the wrong horse here.
    First rule of foreign policy… you don’t have friends only interests

  101. 101
    Mike Hunt says:

    Listening to voice mails because the owner is too thick / lazy to change then PIN is not hacking.

  102. 102
    gildedtumbril says:

    I recognised the useless fart at once, without reading the patter.
    Lamp posts and piano-wire call out for justice to be visited upon the inmates of the house of conmen. And what is euphemistically referred to as the ‘upper house’ needs to join the celebrations. Bastards all.

  103. 103
    hack spotter says:

    Hardly ‘authorised’ access either.

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

    Agreed. Naughtie could have conducted interviews perfectly adequately from the Today studio.
    Couldn’t there be some kind of pool arrangement for journalists rather than news organisations sending teams of hacks and support staff. They rarely provide any enlightening coverage and simply use up valuable resources that would be better directed to emergency crews and the Japanese survivors.

  105. 105
    Sir Cum Spect says:

    I’d love to be around when you’re 90.

  106. 106
    Pass says:

    Terrible, that cartoon is shit, Richard & Mark need to up their game.

  107. 107
    Colonel Blimp says:


  108. 108
    Oscar's Son says:

    MOJO? Isn’t the word HOMO?

  109. 109
    Colonel Blimp says:

    Good; fewer fucking ragheads about.

  110. 110
    Airey Belvoir says:

    So the cash-conscious (allegedly) BBC had Naughtie in Japan interviewing the Japanese Ambassador in London. Beyond parody.

Seen Elsewhere

Bashir Booted Out By Respect | Respect
Americans Try Haggis | Guardian
Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Steven Woolfe For UKIP Leader? | Asa Bennett
Mohammed — in Pictures | Speccie
Leon Brittan’s Accusers Must Show Their Evidence | Dan Hodges
New Saudi King Renames Roads While Body Still Warm | TechnoGuido
In Davos, Carrying a BlackBerry is a Status Symbol | Business Insider
New Labour in Peep Show Quotes | Telegraph
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
I Am Bearing My Breasts | Laura Perrins

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers