February 4th, 2011

Hancock Handles Brown Envelope

Sleazy sex-texter and employer of Russian spies Mike Hancock has been keeping his head down since the near weekly scandals that hit him last year. So hence Guido’s surprise when he read the other day that “Handy-cock” had been EyeSpyed handling brown envelopes. A picture of the incident landed in his inbox this morning. Can anyone out there explain what the dodgy member for Portsmouth was doing on Wednesday afternoon in Victoria Gardens and who the envelope was for?


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    info for the russians ?????

  2. 2
    AngryEnglishJon says:

    Like Broon & Handy-cock the brown envelope will be full of shit

  3. 3
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK son of COD says:

    catalogue of young girls for sale in eastern europe ?

  4. 4
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Should have used picture for todays caption comp Guido.

  5. 5
    Calamity Clegg says:

    My pledges and election promises are in those! So that’s where they got to.

  6. 6
    MiguelM says:

    Perhaps expenses have now reverted to the traditional method for dodgy payments- brown envelopes!

  7. 7
    Ken Lorp says:

    He was probably paying off yet another photographer who had some dodgy pics.

  8. 8
    Dark Lord says:

    His Russian paymasters. He is just a crap spy.

  9. 9
    White Van Man says:

    Liebours latest new buzz words.

    “New politics Fresh ideas”

    “Helping families get on”


  10. 10
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Getting a visa fast tracked?

  11. 11
    Anonymous says:

    Not unusual for an M.P. to have correspondence?

  12. 12
    No longer Porkbusting says:

    There’s a big story about the Piggy MPs trying to stop IPSA from catching them in the trough again, but who cares about that ?

  13. 13
    lolol says:

    “We’re all in this together”

  14. 14
    inquisitive Man-Leopard says:

    Wednesday afternoon there was an Animal Defenders’ photocall in Victoria Garden. At the end they handed out brown folders with press releases and a business card.

    Check with ADI if Mike was at the photocall. If he wasn’t then there is mischief afoot.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

    They’ll knacker IPSA, for sure one way or another. All the talk about cleaning up parliament was guff.

    Wait ’til the storm dies down, then snouts back in the trough.

  16. 16
    Where's the beef ? says:

    Sadly this is indeed a complete non-story with the meagre details provided so far. Must try harder.

  17. 17
    the money shot says:

    tax return

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

    To New Zealand?

  19. 19
    Steve Miliband says:

    Sally Bercow pictures overlooking the Thames?

  20. 20
    Mike Randycock says:

    Give my cock a chance princess………I know it can make you happy.

  21. 21
    Anonymous says:

    The same sort of envelopes that Jeffery Archer used to deal in, down Kings Cross way?

  22. 22
    Penfold says:

    Dead letter tryst mayhap?

  23. 23
    Baroness Warsi's integration plan says:

    Or Lancashire.

  24. 24
    Gonk says:

    It looks like a C4 size envelope with
    a hint of board back, so unlikely to be
    cash. My guess is late tax return or pornography

  25. 25
    Cockhandy says:

    Give me a chance princess, we could be gr8 together…

  26. 26
    Dave Camoron says:

    I can give you a cast-iron guarantee that IPSA are safe and we MPs will not revert to our blatant theft of taxpayers’ money.


  27. 27
    Old Nick Heavenly (cue Dutrou vids and lots of foaming at the mouth) says:

    The commentators here feel free to comment about Eygpt, but I imagine very few of them actually live there. They seem to receive no criticism for this.

    Yet any known expat who comments about Great Britney…

    Hypocrites led by hypocrites.

  28. 28
    Tony Blair says:

    Immigration is vital to Britain’s economic growth.

  29. 29
    Dead Old News Aggregator says:

    that’s the old story mong, we need details

  30. 30
    Anonymous says:

    It beggars belief how this prick is still walking the streets, let alone being an MP.

  31. 31
    YorkshireLad says:

    A great song by The Pirates c1977

  32. 32
    Brussels Louts says:

    About British Policy over Egypt Mr Van Rompuy.

  33. 33
    mikecomedycock says:

    “Where’s the beef ?”

    I’ve got plenty of pork if that’s any good.

  34. 34
    Martin Day says:

    The brown envelope contained a blank sheet of paper.

    The manifesto of this conservative led shower of shit,laughingly called a coalition

  35. 35

    I should hope not in my part of the world. (Got any addresses?) Spitroast time coming up.

  36. 36
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    nothing on the spot fixing scandel in cricket?

  37. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Muzzie Watch

    So much for respect: Two Muslim councillors refused to clap war hero
    Salma Yaqoob and Mohammed Ishtiaq, from the Respect party, insist that their refusal to clap the Royal Marine was a point of principle. Birmingham.

    A teenager whipped to death in Bangladesh for having a relationship with a married man was allegedly raped by her cousin, it has emerged.
    Four Islamic clerics were arrested.

    Every day, every way……….

  38. 38
    retardEd Miliband says:

    My manifethto wath much more popular.

  39. 39
  40. 40
    Jimmy F says:

    A (used) French letter drop?

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    Biily, this a fucking political blog you twat.

  42. 42
    Baroness Warsi's Burqa says:

    Next you’ll be complaining that you don’t like four year old girls in Leicester wearing burqas! You’re islamophobics! On behalf of the Conservative Party, I order you to get out of my country!

  43. 43
    keep it covered, luv says:

    Good God, who is that flashing her minge on BBC Parliament just now?

  44. 44
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Looks like a classic dead drop to me.

  45. 45
    Hancock Does Something Useful? says:

    An envelope full of Anthrax spores, addressed to the HoC?

  46. 46
    Steve Miliband says:

    Ed MIliband has a grand total of 114 viewers at present. See http://bit.ly/hBgyWg

  47. 47

    Of course, you would much rather that the deficit was being enlarged, wouldn’t you. Someone else will pay for what you laughingly call investment.

  48. 48

    drop dead might be better.

  49. 49
    errr says:

    envelope for dog poo?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    His new researcher (male, British)?

  51. 51
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Do you like my retro-look ‘Freth Ideath’ webthite?

    It’th full of all the ideath I didn’t think to put in latht year’th Labour manifethto.

  52. 52
    Jock Strapped says:

    drop box, third tree on the left.

  53. 53
    running on empty says:

    nothing in the tank

  54. 54
    peewee kiwi says:

    viewers in new zealand?

  55. 55
    Steve Miliband says:

    ”British Promise” WTF?

    Here’s mine; I ain’t voting for you

  56. 56

    Shit! Shit!

    This is not the real Martin Day who never does a swear.
    Must be an impostor out to discredit the real Martin.

    Or it is the real MD and he’s totally tripped out.

  57. 57
    the beast says:

    This mong molestor would stick his hands into any orifice

  58. 58
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Is it the latest Ann Summers book?

  59. 59
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Well I’m glad you’re back. It’ll stop that loon going on and on about New zealand.

    He must be having lunch.

  60. 60
    My mum's dick is bigger than yours says:

    You are the drooling cripplespastic known as TaT and I claim my five pounds in a plain brown envelope.

  61. 61
    My mum's dick is bigger than yours says:

    If you don’t like it, leave. There are convenient exits at Heathrow, Manchester and Folkestone.

  62. 62
    My mum's dick is bigger than yours says:

    I will when I can find it.

  63. 63
    My mum's dick is bigger than yours says:

    Ittzz thit.

    Did you go to the same speech therapist as blinky balls, stammerer extraordinaire?

  64. 64
    jgm2 says:

    C4? In parliament? Now you’re talking.

  65. 65
    Gordon Brown says:

    I abolished boom…….

  66. 66
    Use goo gle translator says:

    Он заседании Деннис Мак вы думаете?

  67. 67
    David Cameron says:

    Things can only get shittier.

  68. 68
    billy munter says:

    Haha…Ann Summers, he’s really going hard core eh Billy?

  69. 69
    Gonk says:

    Martin is paid to comment.
    But he couldn’t think of a witty response.
    So just typed 6th form bollox confident in the
    knowledge that he would be mistaken for a fake.
    He is a triple bluffer otherwise known as a TwanHunt

  70. 70
    Gonk says:

    Ha ha. TwanK
    T got it through

  71. 71
    Tyke says:

    How many were there Guido, each one is an Archer ie £2500, I think we should be told

  72. 72
    nothing left in the locker says:

    running on empty……..tat.

  73. 73
    Anonymous says:

    СUNT would have been easier.

  74. 74
    Gonk says:

    Deeply impressed. Someone in the office?

  75. 75
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t mention the Nanny.

  76. 76
    retardEd Miliband says:

    Thtop taking the pith.

  77. 77
    Baroness Warsi's Burqa says:

    You may only express opinions that my brothers and sisters and I find acceptable, otherwise you’re islamophobics. If you’re islamophobics, get out of our country.

  78. 78
    run away tat says:

    fuck off tat you nutter

  79. 79
    cockpuppet #4 says:

    When are you finally going to say something interesting ?

  80. 80
    Anonymous says:

    Man holds envelope shocker…?

    Previously influential blog becomes lame shocker…?

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:

    Islamohaters my dear, haters.

  82. 82
    Scary Biscuits says:

    Of course it’s a non-story. Haven’t you read the title banner: ths blog’s for ‘tittle-tattle, gosip and rumours’? If you want news based on facts, go to the BBC… oh… no… hang on a minute…

  83. 83
    Judge Dread says:

    Passing on commercially confidential information to his criminal cronies in Portsmouth. He is Head of Planning after all, and many of the big property developers in the City are also big time drug dealers. Where and from whom did he get the money for his Spanish Villa? None other that from these crooks, many of whom also happen to be in the same Lodge. If they want planning permissions, Handycock fixes it for them.

  84. 84
    Hamish Macbeth says:

    “”Mike Hancock has been keeping his head down since the near weekly scandals””

    Is that in a Gillian Taylforth type of way

  85. 85
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium new zealand belgium

  86. 86
    Grant Murphy says:

    Watch it, we know where you live.

  87. 87
    ian hislop (honest) says:

    Early Valentines card ?

  88. 88
    Dave's tame blogger mouthpiece says:

    If you want Dave’s spin go here or to his BBC spindoctor… oh… no… hang on a minute…

  89. 89
    Former Naval person says:

    He looks smart enough to be off to meet the Brothers. Maybe that’s a copy of the words for tonight’s ceremonial? They have kept him off the hook for some time now – but there’s another big test coming in two weeks’ time when maybe we will learn the truth behind the many rumours.

  90. 90
    ukFred says:






  91. 91
    ukFred says:

    With the debt he left us, I think it’s the song by Johnny Kidd and the Pirates from around 1963 that is more apt.

    Never, in the history of human politics has so much crap been left for so many by so few.

  92. 92
    Nick Clegg says:

    Leave Mike alone. I can clear this up. It is a regular, weekly cash donation to the Party from Mike’s business partners in Portsmouth. It is cash, for the simple reason that it would be very embarrassing if it got out where it was coming from. Mike Hancock might be a sleazy, uneducated, pervy little Oik but he is very useful to the Party, as he is its largest financial donor since our last major donor was put in jail. He is protected at the highest levels and consequently will remain on the parliamentary defence committee, even though he is a Russian Spy; oh, did I say that, oops!

  93. 93
    Up sh1t creek says:

    Boo hoo, I can’t claim 50p, now I must spend some of my £65k+pa pay instead of ripping off the taxpayer…..

  94. 94
    Electoral Commission says:

    We will of course turn a blind eye to this as usual Nick. Don’t forget to send the usual commission, thanks.


  95. 95
    Duke of Kent's Butler says:

    Unlikely, if the Judge is a member of the Brotherhood.

  96. 96

    Probably the proxy votes for the forthcoming local elections!

    The last lot in Fratton were about the same size.

    Or maybe they could be from the University Campus in Milton where he was so popular?

  97. 97
    Cynic says:

    Advance copy of Sally Bercow’s pics and packet of tissues?

  98. 98
    Cynic says:

    List of local psychiatric hospitals with female wards?

  99. 99
    Kered Ybretsae says:

    Do me a favour guy’nor, we all know about brown envelopes don’t we!! Nudge..nudge
    …wink wink!! Being passed over, in a copy of the Sun whilst sitting on a Park bench, or sitting in a Taxi, nicer if the giver is also paying the tab, know what I mean.
    Perhaps old Handy had just been handed a brown envelope. Hopefully it was full of doggie poo!! Say no more!

  100. 100
    bbitgu says:

    Yeah fuck of Billy you c’unt

  101. 101

    Great pic Guido.

    The only thing missing was the dodgy chap who handed it over.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    He was probably paying the police what he owed them, for being thorough in their efforts in hiding the truth and mislaying evidence

  103. 103
    Handycock's Tailor's Friend says:

    For years Handy has had the same tailor in portsmouth and for years he has been dropping hints to Handy about his dress sense, to no avail. Handy thinks that he is a really sharp dresser, when in fact he has the sartorial elegance of an out of work Pimp. So I am doing them both a favour here posting, as maybe the message will get across. Of course someone will have to explain to Handy what the word, sartorial, means. Thanks in advance.

  104. 104
    Chris says:

    It is a shame when we have so much news to write about that an envelope is the most intereting thing dont you think!!!

  105. 105
    Hardy Amies says:

    I think your assessment is over the top. His sartorial style, combined with his bouffant hairstyle is more reminiscent of that of a Poxdoctor’s Clerk.

  106. 106
    Sigsmund Freud's Ghost says:

    One has to look at the psychological aspects of this. The bouffant hairstyle and dandified style of dress, indicate a deep seated sense of insecurity, most probably emanating from his complete lack of any formal education.
    With regards to his libidinous and promiscuous activities, I suspect a deep inner struggle with a homosexual bias to his sexuality that he will not even admit to himself, and especially not to others, because of his backround, and age, and the deep homophobic culture, coming from that background.

  107. 107
    Joe Public says:

    Hi Mike, anything about you is News, and highly entertaining for the wider public, who view you, as an extreme example of public ridicule, and, representative of everything that is wrong with the troughing, self interested, incompetents that represent us, in the Palace of Westminster.

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