January 20th, 2011

+ + + Sky Alan Johnson Resigning for Personal Reasons + + +


188 Comments

  1. 1
    bbitgu says:

    See ya Later Postman Prat ……….

    • 3
      bbitgu says:

      Balls as next Shadow Chancerllor ?

      • 5
        13eastie says:

        Warsi off the hook. (Again).

        • 27
          bbitgu says:

          Good day to bury bad news

          • Grauniad/Wikilies says:

            Iran’s got the Bomb! Iran’s got the fucking Bomb! Do you hear us, useless eater scum!?

            Fuck, fuck, fuck! You wanker, Johnson! Today was THE day for the final push to get the Iran Plan kicked off, with that Kosherleaks shite for cover, and some tosspot postie fucks it up and the ponzi finance system begins its final crash, with no tasty pictures of vaporised persians to take the cockcroaches’ minds off their smashed economies and who caused it. Fuck!

          • WHAT A S C O O P ! says:

            beat yet again.

        • 30
          Anonymouse says:

          That creates an interesting crack in the labour front bench! Will it be mr or mrs balls who fills it?

          Either way, Johnson’s vacant crack is going to be filled with balls.

          • Billy Bowden, man of mystery and suspenders says:

            Stop talking dirty, you’ll get Billy excited.

          • rocknrolla says:

            Please God let it be – both Balls are such pompous twats that neither could appeal to anyone other than hard-core labour supporters.

      • 26

        Sadiq Khan for Shadow Chancellor failing which Chuka Umana

      • 34
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        I thought you were joking.

        “Alan Johnson is to stand down as shadow chancellor to be replaced by Ed Balls, the shadow home secretary. ” says telegraph.

        • 88

          “I have decided to resign from the Shadow Cabinet for personal reasons to do with my family. I have found it difficult to cope with these personal issues in my private life whilst carrying out an important front bench role.

          “I am grateful to Ed Miliband for giving me the opportunity to serve as Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer. He is proving to be a formidable Leader of the Labour Party and has shown me nothing but support and kindness. My time in Parliament will now be dedicated to serving my constituents and supporting the Labour Party.

          “I will make no further comment about this matter”.

      • 40
        AngryEnglishJon says:

        Miliband shells out for new gob transplant

    • 18
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      This has got BALLS written all over it.

    • 25
      Up sh1t creek says:

      …. To be replaced by Ed Balls-up. You REALLY can’t make it up, from one economic idiot to another.

      • 44
        Anonymous says:

        If either of those shitsmears get the job then that’s Labour fucked for a generation.

      • 50
        Up sh1t creek says:

        Even worse, Cooper Balls-up is to be Shadow Chancellor…..

        • 128
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          That’s one incompetent who knew he wasn’t up to the job replaced by one incompetent who fantasises he/she’s up to the job. Now is the Winter of the Coalition’s discontent made glorious Summer

          • Anonymous says:

            …to stand opposite a turd who doesn’t know his arse from his elbow yet alone that he is not up to the job.

    • 174
      Ampers says:

      I wonder what the blighters been up to? Spending more time with the family means…

      … well let’s put it this way, if whatever he’s done gets out, his family won’t want to spend more time with him :-)

  2. 2
    Charles Flaccidwidger says:

    Is being a clueless twat a personal reason then?

  3. 4
    David Cameron says:

    Balls!

  4. 6
    BillyBob - Ooman Rights Legislation, just a load of bollocks!! says:

    Oh happy day…..

  5. 7
    bbitgu says:

    Was it Balls or the unions call tho ??????

    • 65
      Dick the Prick says:

      Or was it Alan’s himself – fuck this shit type of thing? Can just hang back as there’s fuck all cash in shadow shit, he’s connected, he’s earned a lot, Hull’s cheap & lovely. Economics is hard and why bother at his age? Fair play.

      Bring on the Balls’. It emasculated Ed in an inter nicine way too. It’s just Brown mark 3. Hmm. Will the people vote for them? Yeah, probably. FFS.

    • 98
      Labourunionsbbc we are one says:

      And has the clunking fist been bulying again.

  6. 8
    Lord Carrington's Binoculars says:

    Oh. Is it finally going to come out, then?

  7. 9
    Sunday Morning says:

    Ed Balls will be back where he wants to be

  8. 10

    Has he been caught ‘in flagrante’ with something / someone…?

    Maybe a ‘Henry’ vacuum cleaner or Margaret Beckett.

    Or is it because someone else in the Labour Party has told him he’s utterly fucking shit at economics…?

    I hope it’s my former guess…

  9. 11

    In the end, a sad end for a jovail politician. If you do not find Johnson likeabe, then I suggest you aint right in the head.

    • 14
      bbitgu says:

      Its not weather i like him or not , its his policy and compatance.

      • 24
        sockpuppet #4 says:

        I bet he just pisses you off because your letters never get to the right destination.

        For some reason.

    • 17
      right up the johnson says:

      I suggest you’re not right in the head, FFS

    • 23
      Engineer says:

      He’s likeable. Just not really suited to a top economics job.

    • 37
      Bled White Taxpayer says:

      Agree, Eoin.

      For the Labour Party, he was one among few who could really connect with traditional English Labour voters.

      From a tribalist perspective, I’m glad. Looking from a personal perspective, I’m sad for him (and I have no idea what the personal reasons may be).

    • 48
      Righty Right Wing (Mrs) says:

      Like him?

      He is a senior player in a political party that has:

      * Committed war crimes

      * Ruined the economy of their own country

      * Disenfranchised millions of their own “working class” by turning them into welfare junkies to support their insane immigrations policies.

      * Introduced the post democratic age

      I could go on, but we all know their crimes by now – except for the clients who rely on New Labour for handouts & knighthoods & gongs.

      Like? What has that got to do with anything? He is criminal – like all those who knowingly took part in some of the most disgraceful & treasonous activities this country has ever seen.

    • 72
      literate pedant says:

      if you find a marxist fifth columnist dedicated to destroying our society and replacing it with a stalinist nightmare likeable i think it is you that needs psychiatric help.

      i hope it is nothing terrible in his family that has led to this….i don’t wish illness or emotional trauma on anyone……but good riddance to a two faced ideologue without the brains to tie his laces on his own.

  10. 12
    Andrew Efiong says:

    GOTCHA!

    A masterful Osborne has seen off his opponent within no time.

    Is being knifed in the back by Ed Balls a “personal reason”?

    • 108
      Thick Northern Labour Voting Sponger says:

      It’s a real shame he’s going, his massive intelligence is going to be missed. A true economics expert as competent as all his Socialist predecessors will not have the chance to bankrupt Britain again.

  11. 13
    Dack Blog says:

    Personnel reasons.

  12. 15
    Postman Prat says:

    Oooooh !!! That’s a a sharp knife, Ed !

  13. 19
    bbitgu says:

    HANG ON !!!!!!!

    Todays thursday , Is there a story in the sundays that will embaress him ?

  14. 21
    Hampshire Tory says:

    I bet the Balls/Cooper household is on tenderhooks.

    Me Ed! Pick me! Pleeease.

    • 68
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      so. Whatever the rumours, there’s not enough behind them for even Guido to spill the beans.

      I was tempted to call them half-baked beans. but that would be impolite <farts> ooops.

  15. 22
    13eastie says:

    Alan Johnson
    Phil Woolas
    Red Ed

  16. 27
    Ratsniffer says:

    This has got Balls written all over it…

  17. 32
    Righty Right Wing (Mrs) says:

    Maths.

    A lack of understanding of basic maths.

    Thats why he is resigning.

    Hey ho – great judgement there Red Ed – who have the Unions told you to put in place next?

  18. 39
    Anonymous says:

    what was the real reason, A live boy or a dead girl??

  19. 43
    clueless in scunthorpe. says:

    Was it that Donkey on the end of his cock?

  20. 46
    Alan Johnson says:

    The personal reasons are that I’m a shit shadow chancellor.

  21. 47
    YEVETTE COOPER'S BALL'S says:

    Has old Postie been shoving it in the wrong box ?

    Come on let’s see Her /Him

    Ed Balls to take over

  22. 49
    Desperate Dan says:

    Miliprat’s taking a bit of a risk appointing Balls. Balls is ten time the man Miliband is and will show him up as the effete phony that he is.

  23. 52
    the last quango in paris says:

    yes he’s rubbish

  24. 53
    ALAN JOHNSON MP says:

    It just doesn’t add up !
    ha ha ha hja ha ha

  25. 56
    pissed off voter says:

    strange one this. ‘Personal reason’ may well be genuine and, if so, my sympathies but he has totally cocked up his shadow chancellor role ,… is it possible that red ed has got more balls than cameron …

  26. 58
    MB. says:

    Nick Robinson on BBC News seems to be sure that it is really “personal reasons” but is not saying more.

  27. 58
    Observer says:

    Former postie replaced by former Eton teacher’s son.

    • 95
      Zorro says:

      Balls was a former young Tory I seem to remember.

      He also had an interesting take in fancy dress uniforms too.

  28. 61
    LORD PRESCOTT of Mount Tracey Temple and The Ridings says:

    Oh Yeh !
    Wheres he been emptying his sack then ?

  29. 63
    Does Alan have a small johnson? says:

    This gives Cameron an open goal at PMQs next week. “You’ve been Labour leader for only 4 months and you’ve already lost your shadow chancellor”.

  30. 64
    Cherie Blair QVC says:

    His personal reasons are he’s a dumb Hunt postman

  31. 66
    Lord Carrington's Binoculars says:

    I reckon Ed has shopped Johnson to the Sundays.

    Johnson has been posting stuff into the wrong letter box for some time.

    With lisping Milliband and Stuttering Ed leading the attack on the Tories, the opposition benches will be like the King’s Speech on fast forward.

  32. 67
    Does Alan have a small johnson? says:

    Maybe AJ was told to go by Ed for this gaffe:

    • 173
      PD77 says:

      God help us he even mimics Gormless Bruin at the end “It is the right thing to do!”

      • 178
        Hugh ffishingly-Whittlingstool says:

        I’m making a list of the weasel phrases Labour frontfolk are urged to slip into their soundbites.

        He’s used two of my favourites: “I think” = ignore the facts, this is my baseless opinion; and “most people” = implies a social pressure to conform to whatever statement follows.

        Wikipedia is a wonderful thing when you want to appear smart.

  33. 69
    bbitgu says:

    This will fuck up the labour party , Ed Balls said when running for leadership that we should borrow and spend more money where as Ed M stuck with half the deficit plan , Will this also turn into another Blair -Brown when is it my turn battle………..

  34. 71
    Sunday Morning says:

    The Telegraph’s political editor is on Radio 5 now…… I wonder if this will clear a path for his very good friend Damien McBride to get back into politics…..

  35. 73

    O/T But has anyone else picked up on Nimrods wings being cut off, literally, on Monday?
    £4BILLION to scrap….
    Helloooo?
    I’m speechless. Goodbye whoever….

    • 116
      Peter Carter-Fuck says:

      We are so fucked.

    • 146
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      Not quite. It’s flying scrap converted into non-flying scrap. Rejoice! Hundreds of air-crew have been freed of the threat of immolation in the course of their duties.

      • 186
        Peter Carter-Fuck says:

        You are thinking of the wrong Nimrods. The air crew have been reassigned to the dole queue.

  36. 74
    kay burleys suspender belt says:

    Why didn’t this happen on my watch ,I could’ve got all hot and sticky .

  37. 75
    Anonymous says:

    Another non-story

  38. 76
    BREAKING NEWS says:

    Just been announced:

    Ed Balls to replace Alan Johnson as shadow chancellor
    Yvette Cooper new shadow home secretary
    Douglas Alexander gets foreign brief

    • 83
      Old Tory Bigot says:

      Oh quelle surprise!

    • 104
      LORD PRESCOTT of Mount Tracey Temple and The Ridings says:

      I got fukin foreign brief’s for crimbo
      by fuck do they chafe !
      bollocks like a blood orange !

      • 117
        Old Tory Bigot says:

        Yes. I can see wee Dougie in some kind of provincial Grace Brothers department store with a little counter in the menswear section selling ‘foreign briefs’.

        That would suit him down to the ground. He could put on extra mascara flutter his eyelashes at the hunky male customers.

  39. 78
    the last quango in paris says:

    Miliband and Balls – FABULOUS – Blair and Brown all over again.

  40. 79
    BREAKING NEWS says:

    Red Ed to make statement at 17:20

  41. 80
    Anonymouse says:

    Ed Balls new Shadow Chancellor
    Yvette Balls new Home Sec
    Douglas Alexander new Foreign Sec

  42. 81
    Julian The Wonderhorse says:

    Looks like the unions have got all they wanted, Ed Millipede as leader and Ballbag as Shadow Chancellor – the things a few million quid buys you these days

  43. 82
    al-Jabeebies says:

    Downing Street refused to allow a government minister to appear on the Question Time programme unless Tony Blair’s former adviser Alastair Campbell was removed from the panel, the BBC has said.

    No 10 said it questioned why Mr Campbell, rather than an opposition frontbencher, was representing Labour on the weekly programme.

    The programme’s editor said the request to replace Mr Campbell with a shadow minister was refused as a point of “fundamental principle”.

    Question Time host David Dimbleby explained the BBC’s decision at the start of the show.

  44. 84
    al-Jabeebies says:

    Nick Robinson’s gone off message. He just referred to Ed Balls as “in political terms the son of Gordon Brown”.

  45. 90
    Ed Balls is a cunt says:

    Osborne will obliterate Blinky.

  46. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Did his abacus break?

  47. 103
    sockpuppet #4 says:

    Watch out Ed’s on radio4 in a couple of minutes.

  48. 105
    I'm sure some of you have attended one of these high society balls says:

    From the latest edition of Popbitch:

    The King’s Speech looks as if it’s going
    to do pretty well for itself in awards
    season and will doubtless be one of the
    biggest films of the year, so movie buffs
    may be interested to learn a little more
    about the production.

    The location used for the speech
    therapy room and waiting room as well
    as the stairwell and landing locations
    of Prince Bertie’s London home was 33
    Portland Street, a well-known address
    for the sexually adventurous.

    If you’re into high class swinging,
    then you might have been to one of the
    masked balls that elite sex club Killing
    Kittens have hosted there. Or, if Japanese
    bondage is more your thing, another major
    London fetish club used the Therapy Room for
    shibari and other BDSM activity. It’s also
    been a whipping dungeon.

  49. 107
  50. 109
    Grumpy Old Man says:

    Johnson is a man of limited talent who was pushed into a job he knew was beyond him for party-politcal reasons. His resignation has at least left him with a semblance of honour.

    • 122
      Nick "I'm sorry, I've completely sold out" Clegg says:

      “Johnson is a man of limited talent”

      That limited talent would be sticking letters through letter boxes one presumes.

      • 167
        Grumpy Old Man says:

        I was thinking more on the lines of being able to walk and carry a placard at the same time.

  51. 111
    Anonymous says:

    whoops – stumbled across the sixth form ‘ma’s out pa’s out let’s talk rude’ society

  52. 112
    LORD PRESCOTT of Mount Tracey Temple and The Ridings says:

    What is labour list’s take on it ?

    • 137
      MB. says:

      “What is labour list’s take on it ?”

      The usual Labour thing is to claim that he is the Greatest Chancellor That We Never Had or some rubbish like that.

  53. 114
    rimmyarse says:

    Amid all this excitement, what’s happened to Handycock. Did he answer police bail and told `no more sharing your Balls with every Pompey sailor.”?

  54. 115
    Gormless Gordon Brown says:

    How about I make a come back to replace Postman Prat?

  55. 124
    Rat's arse says:

    Has he been caught in a compromising position with a man\woman\beast of burden?

  56. 126
    GORDON tiggywinkle McPOTTY says:

    Sarah are you sure this phone is working ?

    • 134
      Sarah "I should have dumped FatBoy" Brown says:

      It should be darling , you said you were going to pay the bill didn’t you?

      Because you’re… so good… with figures… aren’t you?

      Oh you talentless Jock arsehole, you’ve fucked up our money just like you did the country’s haven’t you?

  57. 130
    Paul Marks says:

    You predicted it Guido – and you were right.

    Actually I think it is a bit of a shame, I rather like Alan Johnson. He does not pretend to know anything about economics (most people in that sort of job do pretend to know something about it – and that irritates me).

    “Yes – but no one else likes him Pau”.

    Well there is that.

  58. 131
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Red Ed pathetically trotting out the ‘Conservative-Lead Government’ shit on R4 live.

    What a dribbling shit bag!

    • 180
      Hugh ffishingly-Whittlingstool says:

      To his shame, Andrew Neil did it on Daily politics today as well. That’s him crossed off the ‘Token BBC right-winger’ list, then.

  59. 135
    Rat's arse says:

    Oh sod it, got to go to work! Look forward to the real reason coming out soon! Byeeeeeeeeeeee

  60. 136
    Anonymous says:

    What about poor Giddy on – by George he’ll have to come off piste

  61. 138
    Old Tory Bigot says:

    Nick Robinson now bigging up Balls – ‘he strikes fear into his opponents’.

    Twat!

  62. 139
    giddyons nemisis says:

    hark! – is that the lesser taxed bwanker I hear squeking

  63. 142
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Will Mrs Johnson be making a statement as well?

  64. 143
    lessertaxedbwanker says:

    my bonus my bonus my bonus – lord help me in my distress – giddyon giddyon wherefor art thou giddyon?

  65. 145
    ballseye says:

    whilst guido’s followers fidlle, diddle and snivel – we’ve hit the mark

  66. 147
    Anonymous says:

    Won’t this just me Labour step up the rhetoric and we have the unions going nuts for the rest of the year?

    Now Labour have been out for 6 months they can blame the incumbents and the public will lap it up as they face hardship and seek a nice simple narrative. I think the Tories won’t be pleased with this. Balls might be a useless chancellor but he can’t land less punches than Johnson.

  67. 149
    cameroonsconcience says:

    alll’s quite on the right flank

  68. 151
    leftylaybout says:

    murdoch battered thick heads are clearing and prefer balls to bollocks

  69. 154
    Anonymous says:

    You idiots are very mistaken. The country does not have the same hatred for Labour that you have, or its senior politicians. It can see for itself what this government is up to and will kill it in due course. What do you think a 6 point lead in the polls months into an administration means? That you are widely supported?

    Mark my words…

    • 166
      Labour? hahahahahahaa! says:

      That would be the same labour which fucked up the country for 10 years? Fucked pensions., fucked gold, fucked PFI, fucked trade deficit, fucked “an end to boom and bust” fucked lives with illegal wars…but apart from that…

    • 183
      g1lgam3sh says:

      2/10

  70. 155
    crystalball says:

    Georgie Porgie Pudding & Pie kissed the bankers and made them sigh
    when the bankers got socked by the ball out went georgie cameron and all

  71. 158
    letshaveaball says:

    Great Balls of Fire – ossyboy’ll have to buck up or cameron will have to smack him hard

  72. 159
    The-g-o-baitingclub says:

    like a rubber ball he’s come bouncing back to you

  73. 161
    nanny-knows-best says:

    I’m exhausted now giddyon – put your swearing back in the box and go to bed

  74. 162
    CHIEF INSPECTOR FUCK UP of Avon and Somerset police says:

    Well fuck me !
    never in a million years would i have thought
    it woz the next door neighbor
    wot did it

  75. 163
    lets-not-have-a-lynch-mob says:

    And you know he did because?

  76. 164
    CHIEF INSPECTOR FUCK UP of Avon and Somerset police says:

    Even the BBC are challenging Ed’ decision to apoint Balls
    saying he was the architect of labours policy on relaxing banking laws
    and he was basically responsable for bankrupting the country
    as he was at the treasury all the time
    they also called him into question over the fact that he disagreed with both the tories and labours policy’s to cut the deficit and saying he is more powerful than ed !

    leadership challenge on the way ?

    • 184
      Hamis MacTabbish says:

      Either Labour have now gifted the country to the Tories for a generation, or we really do live in a Gordon Brown / Ed Balls soviet shitehole
      We’ll know after the next election

  77. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Jesus. This is just too good to be true. That piece of Fabianist filth as Shadow Chancellor… just listen to the fat blinky c u n t and his Keynesian bollocks right now on Sky. “It doesn’t have to be this way. We have to get this deficit down….”
    Why have we got this deficit Blinky?

    You fucking lying dissembling sac of fucking whalesperm. You fucking created it you mad-eyed shitstain.

    • 168
      THE POX RIDDLED BALL'S OF WESTMINSTER says:

      And he is sooo proud that he has been in the treasury all that time

      ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

  78. 170
    THE POX RIDDLED BALL'S OF WESTMINSTER says:

    The personal reason Johnson stood down was
    someone nicked the beads of his abacus

  79. 171
    MARK OATEN says:

    I heard that he was caught taking a shit in mark oatens mouth over a glass coffee table

  80. 175
    St Blair of God says:

    Ms Gellard…my truss,if you please.

  81. 176
    THE POX RIDDLED BALL'S OF WESTMINSTER says:

    Has his wife left him ?

    fuck’s sake
    i hope she hasn’t run off with the postman !

  82. 181
    Anonymous says:

    OK Guido,

    Look us all straight in the eye, and assure us that this isn’t just total shit made up by Coulson.

    No, didn’t think you could.

  83. 188
    Life Imitating Art says:


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