November 8th, 2010

Exclusive: Macintyre Pushed Before He Staggers

Here’s a line Guido has been waiting to write for a long time – the New Statesman’s James Macintyre has been fired.

As regular readers will know Guido has had a less than cordial relationship with the thirsty sidekick of Derek Draper. There are two different versions of events as to what happened after the Statesman’s Labour Party Conference bash. Macintyre claims he was mugged on the way home, but witnesses say he was paralytic. Either way he didn’t wake up with his work laptop or phone. He was put on leave, but has now finally been shown the door after months of humiliating errors and dud stories.

In honour of his departure Guido thought he would list of some James’s Greatest Hits:

How can anyone forget when he called Michael Kaminski, the current leader the Tory ECR group of MEPs, a neo-nazi, on camera? Or when he accused the whole Conservatives of being institutionally racist? What about that time he got the Staggers sued for some serious cash by Daniel Hannan for equally outrageous claims?

There have also been some fantastic quotes from the widely respected journalist. By far the greatest must be those that showed his incredible foresight:

“With a few exceptions, the dark briefings by ministers against other ministers within Labour went away with the departure from Number Ten of Tony Blair”

He was destroyed by the Tory bloggers during the election after making up a story about them based on a menu he found. He also called the election for Labour:

“a small overall majority for Labour is the most likely outcome”

Guido has had some hilarious run ins, such as the time young James accused him of working for the Intelligence Services. Guido was particularly proud of of his put down.

Who could forget the his email chain with his former “close friend” Derek Draper about the cuteness of boys and girls, and the drunken denial of an unasked question at Tory Conference in Manchester 2008:

“I did not have sex with Derek Draper”

One of the final straws that broke the camel’s back must have been his calling of the Labour leadership for Diane Abbott. Presumably post lunch.

It is not known at this time whether he has finally got that job he coveted so much with Ed Miliband…


  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Another fiction writter like Gordon .


  2. 2
    Irene says:

    Another one bites the dust – hundreds to go!


  3. 4
    Kate Garraway says:

    Derek and I send our deepest condolences to the family of James Macintyre.


  4. 5
    Sarah Tweet says:


    • 6
      Sarah Tweet with content says:

      Hi this is Sarah back after my day of non-tweeting. Overwhelming support for #burma campaign and a very kind welcome to GB


      • 8
        • 17
          bеrk cow says:

          “The former Prime Miпister did receive some positive reactions, including one from Sally Bercow, the Labour-supporting wife of the Commoпs Speaker.

          She wrote: “Great to see Mr @SarahBrownUK – (AKA #hewhoshouldstillbeinDowniпgSt) – on Twitter today to expose #Burma horrors. Check it out :)”

          Note the, “he who should still be in Downing Street” Fucking stupid bitch. I hope it keeps her awake пights


      • 37
        Unsworth says:

        What fucking ‘overwhelming support’? About three people – and that (predictably) includes Prescott, La Bercow and Bevanited Ellie? Fucking stroll on. No wonder they lost the election.

        As to ‘kind welcome’, he’s lucky he wasn’t out on the streets. I’d have ‘welcomed’ him in a very big way, the mendacious Scotch bastard.

        Don’t think Bottler will make too much of a habit of this.


        • 42
          Sarah says:

          To all of you asking if I can get GB back here on Twitter – I shall find out and report back – he can certainly have guest spots here again


          • Unsworth says:

            Who is this ‘all of you’? And what are ‘guest spots’? Anyway, do we really need to know any more about Brown’s dermatological difficulties?


          • Anonymous says:

            I think the “all of you” are the millions of folk who want to let the coniving,immature,pension thieving bastard know what they think of him.


  5. 7
    no longer anonymous says:

    Wonder who will employ him next…


  6. 10
    concrete pump says:

    I’m finding it difficult to find a needle large enough to hold the thread which is needed to sew the gaping hole in my sides….ROFL!!

    No, seriously, i’m losing a lot of blood…….LMAO!!!

    I think i’m going to p*ss myself, it’s mixing with my bloody guts……LOL!!

    OH Macintyre, you utter, utter c*nt you have made my day…..(drifts off happy)…


  7. 11
    frank field of dreams says:

    who was that again? wheres gordon


  8. 12
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    His heads in a mess and he should seek a BACP registered psychotherapist – one that gets away with calling their patients “windowlickers” will do just fine.


  9. 13
    GORDON says:



  10. 14
    comedy gold says:

    I do hope Jimmy won’t stop posting on here.


  11. 16
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    So are you saying you dont take your lines from Mossad then ?


  12. 18
    Gombeen says:

    Frightening but accurate. Ireland today, Britain tomorrow?


    • 24
      Ed says:

      Fantastic comments on there. Sounds like some of the Irish are finally waking up to the disaster befalling them.


    • 26
      Albi Here says:

      They sprayed the banks with public money,instead of letting some of them crash,it would have hurt for a while but at the time their was enough public money available to help recover quicker, now I think all bets are off,time to worry.


      • 33
        JCB says:

        Fianna Fail, Fine Gael, Greens, Labour, Shinnors: corrupt, lying, thieving, incompetent scumbags the lot of ‘em.

        Fianna Fail the worst of the lot though but the Irish kept electing ‘em from that crook De Valera, through Charlie Haughey to Bertie Ahern and now Cowan.

        No wonder Ireland’s a banana republic going down the pan fast.

        BTW great article from Kelly in the Irish Times there!


      • 89
        Sir William Waad says:

        Fine Gael are descended from the Blueshirts, Ireland’s pre-war Fascist party. Hence their name, which means “The Irish Race” – ethnic purity and all that guff.


    • 35
      Gerry Mandering says:

      This was covered 2 years ago along with its twin -credit card default. Apart for sticking fingers in our ears for all this time, Saint Vince is now in China complaining they save too much – and the Germans and the Japanese.

      Stop spending what you don’t have and it wont be an issue.


    • 49
      Anonymous says:

      Brilliant article.If Blair had had his way and taken us into the euro,it would be much the same here.Brown’s best(only?)achievement.


    • 60
      This is the future, folks says:

      Get an allotment, and/or a large garden. You’re going to have to live off what you grow.
      Live in a flat with no land? Goodbye.


  13. 29
    another closet leftie exposes himself says:

    For those of you muppets still enamoured with Rory Stewart:


  14. 30
    Stepney says:

    Oh what joy. Certainly the worst political journalist in decades. His drivel was either badly written, derivative or just so completely devoid of any grounding in reality it was risible.

    I know the good old Staggers has had its problems over the years but by God he has been one of the biggest.

    I can’t help imagine him being a war correspondent walking ashore on D-Day (+5 naturally) and then subsequently losing his typewriter, filing someone else’s already discredited report and calling the war for Hitler.

    I’m not sure what the future holds for the man, who is to journalism what G. Brown was to good housekeeping.

    I would suggest becoming a fisherman – anything is fact that does not rely on the veracity of the written word.


    • 169
      Tell it like it really is says:

      Stepney – when you suggest “fisherman” I trust you mean standing or sitting by a lake or river with a rod. To go fishing at sea – hilaious – you need courage, stamina, strength, and it’s the most dangerous of occupations. Him – fishing – all he-s good for is pot bait, slung over the side with the wighted pot. Come to think of it………


  15. 31
    Guilty as Charged says:

    Phil Woolas loses first part of legal battle against Commons expulsion Judge rules applying for judicial review is not correct legal course


    • 36
      Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

      Who is paying his legal fees ?


    • 43
      The Court of Public Opinion says:

      He squirms like a maggot in the sunlight that’s just fallen from liebours rotting corpse.


      • 50
        Red on Red says:

        The Labour party are ganging up on him. Yesterday Harman made a last minute appearance on Marr to stick the knife in him and Red Ken has just done the same on the Daily Politics. With people like that attacking him, perhaps Woolas is not so bad after all.


        • 125
          The Court of Public Opinion says:

          Even Britains Biggest Cokeusers are reporting it properly now so that’s the final confirmation he’s no longer part of liebour.


    • 44
      Unsworth says:

      This clown has launched a public appeal for about £200k to cover his legal expenses arising from the Appeal. The Parteh has obviously decided he’s spent enough of their cash on legal fees already and have now cut him loose. Steel and Shamash must be laughing all the way, but they’re unlikely to extract any more gelt from this project. Wonder what Gillian Duffy thinks of all this splurging of her subs?


  16. 34
    Martin Day says:

    BBC news: Cameron in major China trip.

    And I suppose we. As the tax payer will end up paying for any fucking breakages?


  17. 41
    Tapestry says:

    Lord James says Foundation X is offering billions of free money to Osborne, on Sky TV.


    • 76
      no longer anonymous says:

      Old news. Blatant hoax.


      • 80
        Tapestry says:

        If a blatant hoax, why is there not something blatant to report about it to prove that it is such? The world’s central banks operate in relative secrecy. There might well be an attempt being made to impose an effective round of quantitiv easing on Britain from that quarter.

        They are scared shitless the Euro is close to collapse, and are using any trick in the book to boost confidence before the crisis strikes home. If this round of QE does come about, you might then review your opinion that this was a hoax.


        • 83
          Austrian says:

          Tapestry’s back banging on again about the Euro collapsing. Same old blinkered bullshit.

          The troubles of Ireland, Portugal and Greece are insignificant in the whole scheme of things and nothing that a few years of well-deserved austerity won’t solve. The wasters in those countries deserve nothing less after their years of profligacy and recklessness.

          No, it’s the US and UK who are really and truly fucked and all the QE in the world won’t save them but just make matters even worse.

          Krugman, Blanchflower and the rest should be strung up by their balls.


          • Tapestry says:

            I suspect the blinkers are in fact placed over the eyes of those who think they can save the Euro.


          • tapestry knows nowt says:

            I remember Tapestry going round various blogs inc. this one and, back in 2007/08 declaring that there was going to be no recession and that the western economies, inc the UK, were basically sound.



          • Anonymus says:

            The Euro will be completely safe.

            Once they’ve got rid of Greece, spain,italy, ireland, portugal, and france. Not too sure about belgium and netherlands.


          • 13eastie says:

            The Deutchmark will be completely safe.

            Once they’ve got rid of Greece, spain,italy, ireland, portugal, and france.



        • 98
          Sir William Waad says:

          Look, if somebody tells you that there a pink penguins on Jupiter, you ask them for some evidence for this assertion. You don’t say “Hmm, there is no positive, conclusive evidence that there are no pink penguins on Jupiter, therefore there probably are and, what’s more, Bilderberg, Mossad and al-Qaeda meet them regularly for recruiting purposes.”


          • Tapestry says:

            Pink Penguins on Jupiter? There are hundreds of them. This is where the world’s central banks hide all the money, which they are now wanting to lend to George Osborne to fund Quantitative Easing and ask him to launch huge infrastructure spending. Or maybe they keep the money on earth at the Bank Of International Settlements in Switzerland.

            BTW (TKN) – I have been tracking the folly of the Euro since 1999, when we chatted in the FT Euro thread. I’ve consistently hammered the currency online since it was launched.


          • $ £ says:

            Poor old Euro.


          • JK says:

            Tapestry: “I’ve consistently hammered the currency (the Euro) online since it was launched.”

            And in that time, the only currencies ‘hammered’ were the dollar and sterling, while the Euro’s gone from strength to strength.

            I’m glad I didn’t take financial advice from you, Tapestry!



          • Tapestry says:

            Euro about to tank….


            Down from 1.42 last week to 1.39 today. The $ collapse story might have been overplayed.


          • Lil Olmey says:

            But there ARE pink penguins in Jupiter, Sir Bill – google it.
            Or was that a sneaky plug for your Florida operation ?


        • 145
          Anonymous says:

          Not your fault that your full of shit, Tap. But do you have to diarrhea all over the blogosphere ?


          • Tapestry says:

            Thanks for your understanding. The existence of pink penguins on Jupiter is no joke. And neither is the involvement of Prince Charles in directing the efforts of One World Government towards environmental barmy causes, and using the monies in the possession of central bankers to prop up his lackeys Cameron and Osborne.

            The EU is holed beneath the water line, and riddled with corruption from top to bottom, making it very difficult for Prince Charles and his OWG buddies like the Rothschilds to do much to save it.

            If you don’t like reading this stuff, why are you reading it?


  18. 45
    Larry Plopper says:

    Maybe he’d fit right in at Warner Bros?


  19. 47
    Ed schlomo millibandwagon says:

    Master macintyres hath my full thupport!!! sniff


    • 51
      Gordon Brown, sinking gently into mental illness says:

      I will ring Mr Macintyre forthwith to convey my sorrow at his forced departure form such a fine organ


    • 100
      Stephen Pound, Low IQ, preening, waffling, gobshyte MP and bus driving cunt says:

      Well said Sir!

      And you can count on my full thupport too, you know than dont you?


  20. 52
    concrete pump says:

    I’ll bet 20 Bensons and a 4 pack of Staropramen that Macintyre applies for a ‘job’ at the bbc.


  21. 55
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Ok , if he is a bullshiter , can we take the email that said ” I did not have sex with Dolly ” to mean that he did have sex with Dolly ?


  22. 56
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Who? I haven’t read the NS since Anthony Howard was editor.


    • 85
      bergen says:

      I only used to read it for dear old Arthur Marshall’s column and the poetry competition at the back.It’s really desperately poor now.


  23. 58
    Jimmy says:

    “Guido has had some hilarious run ins, such as the time young James accused him of working for the Intelligence Services. Guido was particularly proud of of his put down.”

    What on earth gave him the idea that you had anything to do with intelligence?


  24. 71
    Chris Huhne says:

    Knock knock.

    “Who’s there?”

    Knock Knock.

    “Who’s there?”

    Knock Knock.


    “Would you like to make a donation to the Deaf Society?”


  25. 76
    Albi Here says:

    Just listening to Omaha on tv ,I think he doesn’t expect to be returned as US President in two years and is pissing up what’s left of the US taxpayers money onto the back wall of the blackhole,called world charity.


  26. 79
    BBC News says:

    Today we’ll be talking about and showing President Obama all day long as there is no other news to show you. Besides, those tea bagging bastards have wounded him and we need to get all gushy and dance around him and rise him up to the level of a demi-god again as we did before in 2008/2009.

    Obama for 2012!
    Obama for 2012!
    Obama for 2012, the second coming!


  27. 84
    Horse bolted, stable door, says:

    FFS, So Gordon Brown wants to save Burma! Too little too late. He has wrecked our lives and now he is starting on Burma. Poor sods.


    • 90
      Ed says:

      Brown couldn’t give a shit about Burma all those years he was in power as chancellor and then PM, so why should anyone believe he gives a shit now?


      • 107
        Gordon's wasted years says:

        When he had a chance to do something useful for the Burmese, he didn’t and now he is a nobody homeworker he thinks a few Tweets will bring the government down. He’s bonkers.


        • 148
          Airey Belvoir says:

          I did not realise that Gordon Brown was interested in elections, having ducked one he might have won and secured his job by ducking, diving and bullying MP’s to become PM on the nod. In fact, he has more in common with the Burmese Generals than the saintly Aung.


  28. 88
    rotflmao!!!!! says:

    Fancy James Macintyre coming on here and posting shite under the name ‘Jimmy’!

    Wot a tosser!! LOL


  29. 91
    Glen Miliband says:

    Orange tory claims his party has scrapped tuition fees for 54.2% of students….and he belives it…


  30. 95
    Sir William Waad says:

    The odd thing is that Macintyre comes over so much better as a stand-up comic, on the telly. He should stick to that. His jokes are of such high quality, for instance “I’m glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it’s not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.” Comedy gold! His Mum must be so proud!


    • 103
      concrete pump says:

      He should team up with Limpdick Optic. They could be the funniest thing since the ‘Chuckle Brothers’.


  31. 99
    torieboy says:

    just another Marxist Tristram


  32. 105
    Thick says:

    Call me thick but why is Red Ed getting two weeks off work?


    • 113
      Steve Miliband says:

      He wants to raise his profile


    • 116
      Mr Plum says:

      Because seven days makes a hole weak


    • 118
      streamfisher says:

      Gordon’s had six months off with an ectopic pregnancy.


    • 127
      Running Scared says:

      So he can be with his wife? No it can’t be that, he hasn’t got one.

      Because he needs to recover from being pregnant? No can’t be that either as his girlfriend did the Labouring bit.

      So he can be with with his baby? Can’t be that either as he lives and works in London, can go home from work whenever he likes without clocking off and doesn’t work Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays anyway.

      Perhaps he’s running scared of being Labour Leader?


    • 135
      JB says:

      Because it’s already obvious that he’s not up to the job.


      • 174
        How about rejoining EFTA? says:

        This, again, ought to be an open goal for the party in government.

        Their ‘welcome to your new job’ card read, winningly, “There’s no money left – good luck” The man whose government they defeated clumped off to spend more time with his block-capital manuscript far, far away from Westminster’s media village.

        For months, the opposition was a vacuum (fittingly, as it had a caretaker leader: thick as mince and a partisan of narrow tribalisms). The leader whom they eventually gifted themselves probably lived under the shadow of an older brother all his life.

        He never expected to win; his wife was due to provide him with all the distraction which he wanted just after David’s anticipated coronation. Instead – he had two stinking and screaming attention-seeking bundles to contend with.

        Hague put in a surefooted performance on Marr. IDS is wrestling the welfare monster. Repairing our relations with India and China is rightly CMD’s priority..


  33. 117
    lutta continua!! says:

    I see another little Miliband bastard has popped out.
    Grandad Ralph will be looking up from the pit smiling.


  34. 119
    Mehdi Hassan says:

    Allahu cackbar.


  35. 126
    Di Anne Fat Butt says:

    I DID win the leadership. It was a fix. They’re all ray cist. I’m off to have a bucket of jerk chickaan.


  36. 129
    Albi Here says:

    Ot see theyv’e had snow on the Cat and Fiddle route to Sheffield,this Global warming is getting bad,just think it’s only the beginning of November and we have snow already.


    • 161
      I Remember You Hoo says:

      Don’t worry, Cameron’s got this covered, he’s just put an order in for Australian salt, should be here in about six weeks time. What do you mean winter comes every year?


  37. 132
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Why won’t someone investigate Ed Balls election “win” now we have the momentum following the tampon fiddlers demise?


    • 156
      Backwoodsman says:

      Yeah, they could get the Doctor who certified jack dromey as eligible for an all wimmin short list to do it. He obviously knows his stuff & is impartial.


  38. 141
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m available to take his place. Got nothing to do these days except collect my MP’s salary and throw phones at women.


  39. 143
    The real face of Mehdi Hasan says:


  40. 146
  41. 147
    Sarah Macauley says:

    Please rescue me. I can’t take it anymore. The tantrums, the violence, the threats, the paranoia. He’s absolutely barking.


  42. 149
    nell says:

    Talking of people who are pushed before they can jump. Labour, namely hattieharpic, were indecently quick in pushing philw out of the labour fold once the court had found him guilty.

    Interesting that sallybercow is pleading with her husband to not call a by-election yet in order to giving the lyingphil a chance to redeem himself.

    Funny lot this labour tribe.


    • 157
      sunday morning shagger says:

      Agree about Davros Harman. Saw her blathering away on wing nut’s AM prog and nearly came too early.
      These spineless socialist types always rely on court judgements, inquiries etc. to define their ‘moral’ stance for them.
      They NEVER stick their necks out and do the honest, common-sense or RIGHT thing without some higher power giving them the bean-bag to break their fall.


  43. 150
    Phil Woolas says:

    Have mercy. I only did what Gordon told me to do.


    • 154
      Ed says:

      You’ve been a very naughty boy Philip.You’ve let down your party;you’ve let down you constituents:you’ve let down yourself and more importantly you’ve let down ME and whilst I can forgive the rest THAT is something that I cannot forgive


  44. 153
  45. 158
    Just as I thought it was going all right says:

    I found out I’m wrong
    When I thought I was right
    It’s always the same
    It’s just a shame
    That’s all


  46. 164
    Mick says:

    Wrong Mcintyre?


  47. 173
    d r u n k d r i v i n g watch says:

    have the police caught him yet?

    that must be terrible mustn’t it fawkesy?


  48. 175
    Hamish says:

    Great headline Guido. Methinks you’re back on form.


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