September 30th, 2010

Runners and Riders

The fun continues with Labour even after their conference. 49 contenders are pitching to be in the Shadow Cabinet and the good news for those who enjoy watching the Labour Party in chaos is under their archaic rules the fun and games of electing them has to happen every year. Paul Waugh believes that Yvette Cooper, who is likely to come very near the top of the ballot, will be turning down the offer of Shadow Chancellor to save Ed Balls face. She clearly isn’t as ruthless and cold as her leader.

There are some truly laughable candidates but some with high chances deserve more scrutiny. Sadiq Khan gave a Red Ed-lite conference speech yesterday and is clearly vying for a high office shadow. Guido explained why this expenses fiddling and controversial figure might find it tough working in the Home Office or Foreign Office and there will be more on this as his prominence grows. Alan Johnson is apparently in the running to Shadow Hague too, and who knows, perhaps such a role might lead journalists to finally reveal that story he did so well to keep out the  papers while in the Home Office. Balls for shadow business would be an embarrassment after such high profile lobbying for a decent job. Though Guido would enjoy watching him and Cable try destroy each other…

Pop Quiz: A prize for whoever can identify the runners and riders pictured.

226 Comments

  1. 1
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Chris Bryant first one

  2. 5
    Tom says:

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Blears, Brown (Nick), Woodward (Shaun)

  3. 8
    TimDog says:

    Fuck yes, Cable vs. Balls, two rabid intellectual pygmies shouting at each other. As Balls’ blinking hits record levels, Cable uncovers a 23rd recession that he predicted before imploding under the weight of his own circular, nonsensical arguments. Please let it be so.

  4. 9
    Yorkshire Terrorist says:

    L-R: Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw?, Blears, Khan, Woodward

  5. 12
    Guido says:

    Bye bye all and good luck ‘Gone Fishing’

  6. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Chris Bryant, Diane Abbott, Ben Bradshaw, Tessa Jowell, Sadiq Khan, Shaun Woodward

    • 52
      Anon E. Mouse says:

      is probably the obvious answer so just to be different

      Chris Bryant, Diane Abbott, Stephen Twigg, Yvette Cooper (the dwarf Hazel Blears isn’t standing), Sadiq Khan, Shaun Woodward

  7. 14
    Ed Balls the Kettle boiler says:

    The little pink one must be Eddie Izzard.

  8. 15
    Mrs B says:

    “To save Ed Balls’ face”?

    She’s too late for that. It already looks like a f*cked-up face to me.

  9. 16
    Al says:

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Winterton, Khan, Woodward

  10. 17
    Mitch says:

    W*nker, tw*t, c*nt, arseh*le, b*stard, pr*ck

  11. 18
    scouse twat says:

    Balls and Cable. Lol. Trinitrotoluene and Mercury Fulminate.

  12. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Jack Dromey, where’s Jack Dromey

  13. 20
    Di Yann Flabby Butt says:

    Hey blud! Me not that fat! Me has lost half a pound. And me not eatin as much riiice and da peeea. Bogle bogle.

  14. 21
    Lord Digby says:

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Blears, Hain, Woodward

  15. 25
    Steve Miliband says:

    l-r: Cooper (Y) , Hain, Milibland (D), Byrne, Jowell, Balls ?

  16. 27
    Jim says:

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Cooper, Khan, Woodward

  17. 28
    jgm2 says:

    I know what it is Guido (and Ed) it’s the New Generation of Labour

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Blears, Khan and Woodward.

    A complete break from the failed politics and wicked and malicious Labour Party of the last 13 years.

  18. 30
    The cunt of Monte Cristo says:

    Cun’ts from left to right:
    Cock sucker Byant, Chicken wings Abbott, buggering Bradshaw, minge feeder A Eagles, cesspit Khan, two butlers, & all round cow’s Hunt Woodward.

    I want lager as me prize, San Miguel if you please pikey:
    jjkream@yahoo.co.uk

    • 100
      Nick Brown, smeared in rent boy excrement says:

      You dont think Fawkes will actually give a prize do you cretin?

      Fuck off you mong

    • 110
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      It’s “bingo wings” Abbott

    • 207
      Lord Alfred Jethro says:

      Can*ts to the left of you,
      Can*ts to the right of you,
      Can*ts to the front of you
      Quivered and chundered;

      Into the Valley of Lust,
      No longer dry as dust,
      Fired by the Boob and Bust,
      Plunged the 500…

  19. 32
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have finally completed my book. All 95,341 chapters of it. After much deliberation, the title will be: “The Real Journey: From Son of a Manse to Prime Minister – How I Saved The World and Changed Britain For The Better Volume I: Prudence & Prosperity In A Macro-Economic Strategy, Tony Tony Tony stopped me and I hate him Tony Tony Tony no don’t look at Ed I’m still leader and prime minister man boss at number ten fizzy orange oh fuck i just did a jobby in my trousers ugh fuck this where’s my speech they should laugh at this joke so I’ll pause here for them to laugh and then finish my speech ovation ovation applaud I love my wife fuck her no I hate Ed look at me look at me Tony Tony Tony noooooo.”

  20. 36
    Martin Day says:

    Just as one cannot be a metal table unless you are a table made of metal, you cannot be a tory unless you are a twat.

    • 180
      Anonymous says:

      And you cannot be a Labour (any version) supporter unless you support politicos who lie, backstab,cheat & trough at the expense of,& to the detriment of, the taxpayers.

    • 219
      biffo says:

      Ah troll time I see – out to defend the indefensible.

  21. 38
    Engineer says:

    Have you been forced to attend a Diversity Awareness course, Guido?

    If so, which one is the transvestite, the second or the fourth? I’m glad to see you’ve included a token toff (just in the interests of diversity of course – we wouldn’t expect any approval) but where’s the token white man?

  22. 41
    Swanee says:

    So how will Johnson shadowing Hague, make the press run the Al Johnson Story? Is he a shirt lifter too?

  23. 43
    Mrs Duffy says:

    I liked Tawny Blurr and I liked that David Mileeband.

    • 45
      Ed says:

      But I shook your hand and never called you a bigot. Love me. Love me now. Please

      • 48
        Gordon says:

        Who let that bigoted woman into the conference? Was it Sue?

        • 61
          In Rochdale we call a spade a ********* !! says:

          At least no 80 year old age pensioner was frog marched out of the Conference Hall

          • Nah! But Rochdale has . . . says:

            . . bloody great hammers and hot pots!

            Or have they all gone in favour coffee bars, slags, and tosspots?

          • Anonymous says:

            If the person sitting 2 seats away from Woodley & who shouted “rubbish” hadn’t been a union leader he might well have got the same treatment as the 80 year old pensioner.

          • Get real and tell it like it really is says:

            They’ve all gone in favour of mosques – call your house a mosque and you don’t pay council tax, that’s if you are not already on the pancrack.

  24. 49
    Red Ed Militant ™ says:

    We’re all being optimistic together

  25. 50
    Gordon Brown says:

    Blaaaaaaaaaaargh!

  26. 53
    Tory Tattler says:

    Bryant, Abbot, Bradshaw, Winterton, Khan, Woodward

  27. 54

    From left to right

    Bryant, Abbott, Bradshaw, Harman, Khan and Quentin Davies

  28. 55

    Yvette is a great likeness – TB learned to use photoshop???

  29. 58

    I can’t leave the bathroom like this, where’s the Cillit Bang?

  30. 60
    Alan Johnson says:

    What’s the Alan Johnson story? Anyone know?

  31. 63
    Voice of Treason says:

    Watched that ourageous lying c-unt Hazel Blears responding to her lies yesterday. This foul bitch is as straight as a dog’s tongue – and yet the bloody imbeciles in Salford voted for her even after that notorious cheque. Well, they deserve all they get in that hideous grubby area she represents.

  32. 64
    Anonymous says:

    What did Alan Johnson do ?

  33. 68
    Steve Miliband says:

    Thank fuck Lab10 is over.
    Perhaps the BBC can return normal news broadcasting?

    • 73
      Biased? And how! says:

      Quite. Anyone would think they were reporting the deliberations of a party in government.

    • 84
      BBC Service Announcement says:

      Due to industrial action we are unable to bring you full coverage of the Conservative Conference in Birmingham next week.

    • 154
      Brians Mum says:

      if you change the ‘o’ to an ‘a’ it makes a very rude word you naughty boy

  34. 72
    Gruntfuttock says:

    “Alan Johnson is apparently in the running to Shadow Hague too, and who knows, perhaps such a role might lead journalists to finally reveal that story he did so well to keep out the papers while in the Home Office”.

    Des anybody know what the story is. Do tell!

  35. 74
    NotaSheep says:

    From left to right:
    Chris Bryant, Diane Abbott, No idea, Hazel Blears, Sadiq Khan & turncoat Woodward?

  36. 78
    You have missed out says:

    You have missed out says
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    September 30, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    the obligatory single m huvva / q heer / tr hanny / cr hipple / m had person (s) etc

  37. 79
    family values figure large in the new leaders lexicon of core beliefs...haha says:

    alf garnet, cherie blair, prezza, mandelson and gordon brown

  38. 82
    Sir William Waad says:

    Sir John Major, Oprah Winfrey, Geoffrey Hayes, Hazel Blears, Nick Brown, Jeremy Thorpe.

  39. 86

    Fuck this i am of to Labourlist

  40. 87
    Voice of Treason says:

    I wonder whether the Cons conference will be broadcast or will the BBC strike stop it. Never mind, there’s always Sky.

    • 113
      The Cunt of Monte Cristo says:

      I am hoping very much the bbc/NUJ black it out

      At least we’ll be spared the smug, juvenile sneering of those Celts and northern Monkeys the BBC uses as ‘journalists’

      • 199
        Jethro says:

        Celts? Whenever the local news is reported down here, it’s by a haggis-swallowing, Whisky-slurping, Porridge-eating, skirt-wearing Barbarian from beyond Hadrian’s Wall: even the Granite up there’s Pink! No one’s ever asked me to do a local news item for Ross and Cromarty: they’d toss their cabers!
        But you wait! Some time, when you’re least expecting it, you’ll be in your Travelodge, putting the box on, having found out how uncomfortable the bed is and even more so the chairs, and suddenly – instead of that nice-looking Natasha Splashkinky ogling you as she tells you how ‘The M25 is queuing anti-clockwise back to Junction 17 and Property prices in Stockwell are reportedly on the rise…’ it’ll be ME grinning my knowing grin at you, saying somethin’ like: ‘See that screen behind me? It’s all fake. What we’re actually hiding from you, is the fact that the whole b****y Spanish Armada has finally arrived, and it sailing up the… whatever you locals call this little river you got here. The locals are lining the river-banks, offering the usual greetings, “Hello Sailor”, “More b****y immigrants!”, “Blimey, is it that time already?” and at Tower Bridge, they’re debating whether to raise the bridge in honour of a fellow-member of the E.U., or to lower it because some people just don’t know when they’ve lost. Everyone is advised to keep indoors, to avoid any contact with airborne-toxins like Paella, Tapas, or the even-deadlier Rioja. If approached by one of these Spiks (see: you’ve already ignored some of my advice!) utter the Mantra ‘I know nothing; I am from Barcelona!’

  41. 88
    the old Dufflebag says:

    Sir Humphrey Appleby, Diane Slobberblob, Zippy,Bungle, Eddie Gizusalick and Spit the Dog

  42. 89
    • 221
      biffo says:

      Thank f*** the c**t’s in Opposition then! He’ll have a little bit of local difficulty raising taxes from that position – someone should tell him.

  43. 90
    The Conservative Party,in the top secret archives says:

    Due to technological developments and secret patents we have been sitting on for 90 years the conservative party conference will be broadcast on the sky, that’s the sky above not the one on your TV set. That is all.

  44. 91
    Voice of Treason says:

    It’s been hinted that Woodward is fed up with Labour and might cross the floor for the second time and join Cameron. Seems he can’t stand being out of power. Will he be welcomed though?

    • 92
      Dirkin says:

      A traitors traitor

    • 93
      the old Dufflebag says:

      tell the turncoat to f’uck off and stay with the twats he so richly deserves…bigot

    • 96
      All our Yesterdays says:

      Worked for Churchill

      • 160
        4th Vote Preference says:

        Yeah Good Ol’ Winston said it takes skill to rat but it takes real expertise to re-rat

      • 184
        Anonymous says:

        Churchill? Manufacturer of machine tools as I recollect. Woodward would have been of no use to them.

    • 123
      My Butler is a socialist says:

      Perhaps he’d like a hand with drafting the letter

      Dear Ed
      Believing as I do , like others in the Party I have struggled with my conscience since the results of the leadership contest have been known .As a result of that deliberation I clearly cannot honestly remain in the party. I do not intend to leave public life. On the contrary I am looking forward to joining another party with which I am increasingly more naturally in agreement with and which has a leader I greatly admire, who I believe is entirely straightforward, and who has a towering record, and a clear vision for the future of our country which I fully share.”

      Shaun X

      • 134
        Discrete Pimp says:

        Dave M’s signature would have looked good on it.

      • 201
        Miss Jethro says:

        …and another hand for ‘secretarialising’ it: spaces after punctuation-marks, not both before-and-after, no re-duplication of prepositions (“…with which I am increasingly more naturally in agreement with…”).
        Can a record be said to be “towering”?
        But, perhaps you intended these betises, to convey the character?
        Please let me know what you want: but it must be before post-time -
        whish was, blast it!, five minutes ago.

      • 222
        biffo says:

        He printed off 20 copies with a blank after ‘Dear’ when he first defected – just in case……….

  45. 94
    albacore says:

    BBC: “The Conservatives failed to win an overall majority at the
    general election because of electoral fraud, the party chairman has said
    Baroness Warsi told the New Statesman the alleged fraud was “predominantly
    within the Asian community” and benefited Labour.”
    Quit clowning around, Fawkes.
    The Tory chairman says they lost the General Election because they were cheated out of it.
    Either she’s lying or the people you’ve caricatured above should all be behind bars and their party demolished for good and all.
    Sod the Tories – if she’s telling the truth, it was the entire nation that was defrauded out of its most basic of all rights.

  46. 95
    streamfisher says:

    The shower of shite handicap, sponsored by Unite from Fakenham.

  47. 97
    BBC Apologist says:

    We would like to reasure all irresponsible, chav parents that Attention Deficit Dissorder has been linked to a faulty gene prevelent in irresponsible chav parents.

  48. 98
    Obvious says:

    Lady Godiva, Satchmo, Joseph and his coat of many colours, Alice Liddell, Ranjitsinjhi, Disraeli.

  49. 99
  50. 101
    Dirkin says:

    you would think controlling a camera on a sat would be a bit more than this crap.
    http://www.tate.org.uk/space/webcam.htm

  51. 105
    DT Editor says:

    Jeff Randall; Bryony Gordon; Geoffrey Lean; Mary Riddell; Ben Brogan; Simon Heffer.

  52. 115
    Edward Balls says:

    Who fancies Yvette , I don’t ,I will be shadow chancellor she will make a far better Business shadow, don’t you agree. I checked it out with Charlie and he agrees ,so, just need to get ED to pass it!

  53. 120
    Mr and Mrs 'Satisfied' from essex says:

    Snorebitz, Dead Duckette, Larry Grayson, Ann Widdlebum, Jabba the Hut and Attila the Toffee Nosed Hun

  54. 124
    Discrete Pimp says:

    This is for Emily nomates

    • 181
      Col. M.T. Kernel (retd) says:

      SIR- A toe-tappng ditty and no mistake. One is prancing around the West Wing with The Old Banger in tow, sir.
      I didn’t get where I am today without recognising the pangs of a love rejected, Discrete Pimp, sir, if one is permitted to so bold on a national weblog.
      One should grasp the reality of the situation and count one’s chickens, one might proffer, sir:
      Your good self is alive, full of zestiness and furnishing the webloggy-bloggy world with your nuggets of wisdom whereas Emily Nomates, fine filly that she may have been, is now residing in the “Where Are They Now” files.
      Much like myself, sir.
      Tally-ho!

      Yours, given the right medicine I could maybe keep it up, Col. M.T. Kernel (retd)

  55. 125
    BBC Spokesperson says:

    Important Announcement:-

    Due to industrial action by our poorly paid journalists and celebrity presenters, we shall not be screening the Enemy Party Conference, anyone wishing to expose themselves to the truth should switch over to the Leader of the Enemy’s personal TV channel; Dave.

    That is all

  56. 127
    Billy Bowden is the greatest umpire ever ! says:

    Sir Alex Ferguson backs Red Ed

  57. 132
    Gonk says:

    I didn’t know Chief Bethelezi and
    the scary little woman from Don’t look now
    were Labour MPs

  58. 137
    cato says:

    Bryant, Abbot, Bradshaw, Eagle, Khan, Woodward

  59. 138
    Ugly Betty says:

    “Paul Waugh believes that Yvette Cooper, who is likely to come very near the top of the ballot, will be turning down the offer of Shadow Chancellor to save Ed Balls face.”

    Mission impossible – with a face like that, there is no saving it.

  60. 142
    Mr Plum says:

    Spike from notting hill, Gordons latest skid mark, someone feeling off colour, little fading red riding hood, Gordon’s old skid mark after a rinse through and Dave

  61. 155
    Fizz says:

    Superman, a furking huge dyke, the pope, nell, concrete pump and some silly old buffer

  62. 156
    EC1 PhD says:

    Bryant – underpants photo
    Abbott – she’s not very thin
    Hain – anti-apartheid and supporter of the Rainbow Nation
    Blears – couldn’t be anyone else
    Brown N – yuk
    Woodward – cross-floor toff

  63. 157
    Agent 99 says:

    Pugh Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert Dibble and Grub

    (Probably do a better job come to think of it)

  64. 158
    marksman says:

    Tim Lovejoy, Sally Bercow in Bloat Mode, Rigsby, Miss Diane, Boy George and the DG of the BBC

  65. 165
    Brighton & Hove City Council says:

    These toileting facilities are for the exclusive use of:

    a) Well-endowed heterosexual males
    b) Native Afro-Caribbeans ‘with child’
    c) Non-heterosexual white males**
    d) Non-lesbian females with eating disorders
    e) Lightly tanned Afro-Caribbean males that just want a quick wee, without the ‘extras’
    f) Posh, capitalist scum that are either too tight or too senile to deploy their re-fillable, strap-on Urinabags

    ** The Council will endeavour to erect more ‘cottages’ due to overwhelming demand.

    Cllr. Kenny T. Wary

    • 167
      Mines a Dump says:

      are these the same facilities as in cleveland ?

    • 183
      the beast of clerkenwell says:

      I have always wanted a cottage on the south coast
      Thank God for new Labour

      • 190
        TOO FAR says:

        165 He’s spot on, Just driven through Brighton, Kept the car door locked. Full of VERY odd “people” Well look at the local MP!!! Still a nice place?

        • 204
          Br. Jethro says:

          190 Where have you been? Brighton was proudly proclaimed ‘the Aids Capital of Europe’ in the 1980′s’ – and then was miffed to be beaten by (I think I’m right…) Glasgow. I remember being struck by the boldness (‘Ooh, isn’t he bold, Mr. ‘Orne, isn’t he bold…’) of a sandwich-bar’s name: “Get Stuffed”. A young woman at the place I worked told me one day, ‘Peers, Queers, and Prostitutes: that’s Kemp Town!’ I had walked along towards the town-centre earlier, and was very aware of two men on the opposite side of the road (“Haven’t seen him before….”) having a good look at me. For decades, the inn-sign ‘The Queen’s Head’ delineated a youngish Victoria: now, I believe, it’s something different.

  66. 168
    QWERTY says:

    They all look like fucking Socialist twats to me.

  67. 172
    Rat's Arse says:

    Will some-one PLEASE tell me who this famous household name is that has been very naughty? Is it Postman Pat Johnson?

  68. 176
    Anonymous says:

    Guido “Mr Graphics” Fawkes has managed to do the impossible and make this sad bunch of losers look colourful.

  69. 179
    Antipo-dean says:

    But Jacqui Smith lost her seat, so it can’t be…

  70. 187
    Disco Biscuit says:

    Chris Bryant
    Dianne Abbott
    Ben Bradshaw
    Hazel Blears
    Sadiq Khan
    Shaun Woodward

  71. 197
    madtechie says:

    So a majority of MPs and party members voted for D Milliband, but in an insult to democracy, the unions forced through E Milliband to the top of the heap. Isn’t there something faintly North Korean about this dodgy-seeming process? Perhaps we should refer to NuLabour’s new Numpty-in-Chief as Ed Mill Un in future.

  72. 208
    gildedtumbril says:

    What a bunch of pigging nonces. I doubt if there is a decent roadsweeper among them. Or even a decent Refuse Disposal Operative. They are crap to a man, half man and alleged female. Damn the whole kit and caboodle of camel shit.
    None of them impresses me one iota. Maybe we could use them as targets for the Large Hadron Collider.Extra large target in the case of the Rice and Pea lardbag.
    Hopefully they will never get their hands on the levers of power again. The scumbags we now have ,are, of course no better.
    None of them is fit to run a whelk stall, with or without the bloody whelks.

  73. 211
    Conservative MPs loved her so much they stabbed her in the back says:

  74. 212
    Eds the Man says:

    “She clearly isn’t as ruthless and cold as her leader.”
    Neither was Gordon, much good it did him. Nor is David and he lost. Politics at the top level requires a degree of ruthlessness to succeed Thatcher had it in spades (worse luck for Britain). Blair too three times winner and hate figure.
    Ed will go far with an agenda which will reintroduce a touch of ideology into politics. He is the first leader of the Labour Party to acknowledge Ken Livingstone, other leaders hated him.

  75. 214
    Must get a pseudonym one day says:

    One candidate missing from the line-up is the ever-oily, oleagenous, ingratiating, shiny-faced, slithery and slippery Chris Leslie MP – ejected from Shipley by smart voters, then incredibly elected at Nottingham East by complete dumbos (and/or postal votes – see Baroness Warsi for details).

    He missed the Guido line up because he spends all his time crawling up the arse of anyone whom he thinks might do him some good.

    (Probably only crawls up the arse of his ‘party-beard’ too – bet the recent kid looks like someone else).

    And he thinks he should be in the Shadow Cabinet – What a tosser ! Even the Labour Party doesn’t deserve that.

  76. 215
    Jimmy says:

    “the fun and games of electing them has to happen every year”

    Top notch research as ever.

  77. 224
    MR FAGS says:

    SUCK MY COCK Hunts



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Norman Tebbit has a humble brag:

“We Maastricht rebels were derided and abused for opposing the single currency by the wise, clever, Guardianista soft centre left establishment from whom we now hear so little on the matter.”



The last Quango in Paris says:

Mr Bryant and Mr Watson managing to make the whole hacking affair look like a farce – the more they moan the less I care about the whole subject! So partisan it beggars belief at all costs. They cannot rise above it ! If I was to call the PM a ‘liar’ I would want to be VERY sure.



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