Rich & Mark’s Monday Morning View
Andrew Lansley Has Been Shot | Dan Hodges
Another Gay Gaffe From Ken | Standard
Pensioners Paying Price for Funny Money | Telegraph
Ken Penis Gaffe | Metro
Hague Photo Mystery | Guardian
The Iranian Model is Hitler | Lawrence J. Haas
No.10′s Andrew Cooper Should Look at this Poll | Douglas Carswell
Livingstone Has Form on Homophobia | ConservativeHome
Investors HBack Over RBS Meddling | CityAM
Riddled With It | Pink News
I Went Mad in the Seventies | Ken
Guy Newsroom Splits | Indy
Polly’s Voodoo Polling | UK Polling Report
Labour SpAd Backs the Bill | Mark Wallace
Guido Goes for the Lobby | Press Gazette
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Max Clifford says…
“Most people want to read nasty things about people, not nice things.”
DisgustedOfMitcham2 says:
Maybe if they really wanted to “decontaminate the Labour brand” with business people, they shouldn’t have totally buggered up the economy?
Just a thought.
Inverted pyramid of piffle.
My favourite Boris quote was about Polly Twaddle:
“she incarnates all the nannying, high-taxing, high-spending schoolmarminess of Blair’s Britain. Polly is the high priestess of our paranoid, mollycoddled, risk-averse, air-bagged, booster-seated culture of political correctness and ‘elf ‘n’ safety fascism”.
Splendid chap, Boris
Scat singing?
How on earth have rich and mark managed NOT to make it look like Boris?
And he should obviously be saying “Cripes!”
Apart from that, it’s almost tolerable.
The 666 on the brow is missing.
twat
How did you manage to hack the legendary ‘dot’ server at 0.0.0.0?
If I wasn’t dead, I’d sue.
Is THAT who its meant to be. FFS Rich and Mark get a real job at a supermarket or a call centre, you sure as hell can’t draw cartoons.
Is it meant to be Boris? Oh, I see…..
http://img834.imageshack.us/img834/6770/welcome.jpg
Yes, as you say, splendid chap – and so much better than this bloody awful cartoon.
Boris will be needing an awful lot of those nanny’s fairly soon
I predict a line of lil Boris look a likes coming round soon
Dear Guido,
I wonder if you or your correspondents could suggest a solution to my long term problem?
Just the sight of a Member of the Opposition Front Bench causes me to have lots of impure and improper thoughts. Her name, I believe, is ‘Hatty’ but as they (the Oppo. Front Bench) all look much the same, it is hard to tell.
Could not a law be passed whereby all wimmin who have the capacity to put temptation in the way of men have to wear a covering of some sort to prevent this? I am sure I cannot be the only man to suffer like this.
Thank you in antixipation,
PS: Another such person is a Princess, – I believe Polytwaddle by name.
Bone by name bone by nature eh Phil ? You dirty old man.
What? Hattie should wear a burqa during PMQs so that the Mayor of London does feel impelled, with uncontrollable lust, to burst into the chamber and hose her copiously with his seed?
What do you get if you leave ‘Shagger’ Nokes and Boris alone in the same room together for
a. 5 minutes?
b. 10 minutes?
Don’t know what else you would get in the extra time but I have to say it is wonderful to have these normally-behaving people in office, instead of all those in the previous lot, so many of whom hoed at the brown allotment.
everyone normal has at least one bastard child with another married couple or signs a Christian pledge about the sanctity of marriage while fucking a toyboy on the side
obvious innit?
Only one, B2B? Surely, you have not mispent your youth enough.
Is it the spirit I feel moving within me?
Or is it his cock?
Whatever.
Sure he is…until he decides to fuck your wife !
She’s helpless is she?
I might have agreed with the ‘air bagged, booster-seated’ bit had I not written the family car off on Saturday in a head-on collision (both doing 40) with another car. We all walked away with minor injuries. The car’s a write off – but the air bags and the booster seats undoubtedly saved the family from serious injury or worse…
And was Polly Toynbee driving the other vehicle?
Twaddle
Iz it coz i iz blonde innit?
See chaps! I can get down with the yardies too!
That’s a yes, then.
It’s a child of the lizard people,see I told you all the leaders are lizards
time to sack the wet nurse and teach the bloated fat spoilt bastard child created by Labour to fend for itself
http://www.oldholborn.net/2010/07/healing-power-of-bonjela.html
It conjures up terrible images of Browns tits.
Great cartoon of David Cameron in this cot rehearsing for PMQ’s
It is where a dysfunctional clique(Liebour) took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country’s balance sheet.
And fucked up my pension!!
And mine
And mine, the shits!
And mine.
And reduced the interest on my savings to almost nothing.
Huhnes.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but this government has knocked 200 billion of the value of future pensions. Shame no one asked them what they were going to do about the pension situation before the fuckers got in.
Not mine, I’m getting £400K so ya boo.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/tvandradio/bbc/7897113/BBC-Deputy-DG-Mark-Byford-in-line-for-400000-pension.html
Byford was born in Castleford, West Yorkshire. He spent his early years living around the West Riding area of Yorkshire where his father was a policeman. Sir Lawrence Byford went on to become Chief Constable of Lincolnshire, and later, Her Majesty’s Chief Inspector of Constabulary.
he joined the BBC in 1979, aged 20, as a “temporary holiday relief assistant”
In 1981, aged just 22, he produced the Royal Television Society’s Regional News programme of the Year – a Look North special on unemployment in the north of England.
Byford … is Deputy Director General of the British Broadcasting Corporation and head of BBC Journalism. He chairs the Journalism Board … His responsibilities also include BBC Sport, the Nations (BBC Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) and Editorial Policy.
in June 2008 the BBC’s governing body, the BBC Trust in a direct criticism of Byford’s management, instructed his seniors to improve the range, clarity and precision of its network coverage of the different UK nations and regions, The Trust said the BBC was “falling short of its own high standards” and in part failing to meet its core purpose of helping inform democracy.
Those words should be carved on a giant gravestone with the inscription ‘RIP New Labour’, and placed in a prominent location permanently, to remind future generations.
Why? Dave’s a Blarite and he’s just replaced New Labour with Blue Labour
RIP no. RIH,rot in hell
Well, yes, but apart from that the Labour government actually did quite well.
…And then the Scotsman writes the most sycophantic pile of sh1te, about how bravely gordon is soldiering on with his school visit programme. These fu**ers have no shame – which part of ‘gordon is a moron’ , don’t you understand ?
It was Gordon Brown who threw his rattle out of his fucking pram every week, fool. Gladly, never again.
A berk is a berk fa’ a’ that!
Ask nursey to take you to Specsavers
Surely this story is an “allegedly” for now.
The thought of a possible baby Boris crawling around…. shudder.
BTW, as I’ve been saying for months, the UK _IS_ still in recession.
FTSE 100 5158.85 Down -52.44 -1.01%
This simply is just not good enough !
I demand a fall of 100+ points in the FTSE by the close of business today.
Our stock market must more than match the falls on Wall Street
BLACK MONDAY
Every day is black for me
Yo am not ta sa da black wurdy!
Oh Golly!
The child clearly wants a Tartiflette.
It started in America you fucking nonce.
Nope, it started in Basel.
Don’t mention the deficit! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it…
Ginger?
Doctor WIndbreak, where can I purchase your farting powder? I am desparate to do a parp.
turd balls
Ok, is that a rattle being held, or is that baby kickin’ some jazz lyrics in to a microphone?
I’ve just realised the baby is singing the intro to ‘points of view’.
Brilliant gag, I must say.
Is this part of David Cameron’s “Big Society”?
Who can say ?
Anything can be part of Cameron’s Big Society since it’s meaningless public relations twaddle dreamed up by Hilton on one of his more feverish days of memo spamming.
It can only get better.
famous last words
It’s 4.84 Billion in debt.
Sorry 4.84 TRILLION in debt.
I was going to climb a mountain that represented the debt but the space shuttle can’t get to Mars
Not half as fucking sorry as we all will be – for years to come.
We have already had a taste of a big society as per yatch boy/piano man Heath ,just hope he’s rotting in hell,big is not beautiful but bloody expensive with vast lots of local services lost,just look at the Metro counties and the NHS hospitals.
Is a “yatch” a yacht with a thatched cabin roof?
Where do you think the money comes from to pay for public services you twat? A clue……it doesn’t come from anywhere within the public sector. Oh, and well done for making a comment about Ted Heath, he hasn’t had a mention on here since the relief of Mafeking, FFS
Albie, I don’t know if you’re aware, but this is a Tory site, so you can fuck right off.
There is no such thing as a Tory.
Unfortunately, there are such things as socialists.
There is such a thing as a Pig Tory
I don’t know if you’re aware fuckwit, but Guido claims it’s Independent and there is no mention of this being a Conservative blog
so fuck off yourself you retarded shit licker
go troll on Conservativehome you simpleton twat
For your information it’s a right wing Libertarian site not a tory one you tribalist twot,sorry Engineer it’s the Ellesmere Port fresh air and finger troubles and lame excuses.
No it’s not,as when I go over to Facebook and bring my mongs you will find out.
I’m only here for the spoonerism
Well done R&M.
M&S reckon you need to do nine things right for every one thing wrong to keep the customers happy. I therefore look forward to the next 450 quality cartoons.
Why don’t M&S sell shorts that are, well, short?
All their shorts are ludicrously long.
You’re a slag in Gateshead and a mistress in Belgravia!
Post sex is different.
Is “post sex” anything like pole dancing?
No Tony
Its wwhat your wife does with that handsome Italian chap who drops off your bills
Luckily for me the postina here is a female lady of the woman gender.
‘Post sex’ is fornication in the Post Office. Round here the queues are so long that people are born, have sex and die before they even gain sight of the counter.
“Post sex” is probably what pre-dated “phone sex”. There was probably even a secret General Post Office department dealing with the matching-up of lost love-letters and forlorn customers. At a guess, the ones from France were regarded as the raciest.
You am not ta say dat ‘R’ word!
Harrumph…..racIest.
You should have gone to Specsavers.
It am no matta.
It soun’ de same!
Try a hearing test as well.
Very good! LOL!
Do you think “niggardly” refers to people of colour?
Fucktard.
Mais oui… Post sex = French letters, n’est pas?
Oui, mon brave! He haw, he haw he haw!
Then again, isn’t ‘post sex’ a cigarette?
Or a mad shuffle to avoid the damp patch.
The kid is a Boris Minor
*shows age*
You couldn’t beat the half-timbered ones either – best English oak – or was it ash for suppleness and ‘give’.
Beech
Thank you that man. I am grateful.
(drifts away into thoughts of walking in beechwoods and pastoral scenes from past times)
I once smashed a large pebble on Towyn beach through the sump of a 105E Ford Anglia.Then drove it back to Lancashire with not a drop of oil in it. Put a new sump on the next day and oil in. Then drove it for a further 7 months without a problem.They don’t make them like that anymore.
I felt shit this morning.
How come?
The tissue ripped.
Can I help Chris?
That’s what comes of trying to paper over the cracks!
Not guilty !
Is it Georgie Dawes?
not with that hair
Oh yeah.
Like I said, I’m just up.
I wonder how any of Boris’s sperm ever makes it. I picture them bumping into each other, taking wrong turnings, falling off their bicycles, distracting themselves by composing classical Greek poetry and doing frequent, spectacular U-turns. At last one of them reaches the ovum quite by accident, says “Great Scott! What do I do now?” and flaps around for a bit until another sperm thumps it hard from behind.
http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/questions-over-businesses-linked-to-purcell-1.1042006
That would be the former tin plate worker now a ‘Lord’ would it ?
Bugger off, it’s mine I tell you! All mine
Some of the more rabid commenters on this blog are rather paranoid about the rapid population growth among Muzzies. Has it not occurred to them that Boris is merely doing something to redress the balance?
Well he and Ken Livingstone both.
Must be someting to do with the tap water in the Mayor’s office don’t you think?
I seem to recall Boris making comment about a stash of fine wines found in the Mayor’s office when he took over. Clearly very fine wine….
Boris has got muzzie blood in him.
……. something clever in Latin . . . .
Ah, so that’s why he’s breeding like a bastard?
I knew there was some reason…
Nam risu inepto res ineptior nulla est.
Go Boris! – Go!
And may your weapon never be too long idle in its holster!
Not half as funny as this.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/7897125/White-Christian-Britons-being-unfairly-targeted-for-hate-crimes-by-CPS-Civitas-claims.html
…Civitas questions whether the CPS’s decisions are being influenced by an internal staff association called the National Black Crown Prosecution Association (NBCPA), which has in the past received tens of thousands of pounds from the CPS.
Any comments from the National White Crown Prosecution Association welcome. What? There isn’t one? Well I never…
It’s all within the rules!
With the head of the CPS having the name KEIR, is it any wonder that the CPS has gone all namby pamby? Quite frankly, I’d sack the shite.
To Boris a boundering baby boy!
bastard
Er… it was a girl.
different one
Sounds as good as ‘The Third Way’ to me!
Yummy!
Can’t wait.
I’m greatly attracted to Noo things.
Perm any two:
Great Society
Big Tent
Modern Way
Progressive Nation
People’s Party
New Deal
You can “mix-n-match”.
Progressive Society
Modern Nation
People’s Deal
New Tent
Great Party
Actually….that sounds better.
Or if you mix in the USA’s Tea Party, you could have ‘Tea Tent’, with many pleasant associations.
Now this is the sort of politics the nation could unite behind. Hilton has clearly missed a trick or two.
Tent Society?
Party Deal?
National People?
Perhaps, following Sir William’s lead above, we need to add a few more words to the mix. So we could, for example, end up with “Beer Tent”, though that may lead to “Rowdy Society”. If we include the esteemed Boris, perhaps we could have “Family Values” – obviously, the more families, the better according to Boris.
You cut
I deal
I favour triplets myself – Nation Social Party would be a good start (or maybe not) – but People’s Beer Tent would undoubtedly be a winner.
Beer tents would have the added advantage of reducing the Muzzie contingent, especially when combined with the Big Pork Pie method of allocating resources.
FFS !
Another master piece from the masters of satire Skid@Mark
In these times of economic uncertainty we all have to make cuts
the government with spending and skid @Mark with humour
Are we sure this isn’t a cartoon of Boris Beckers kid?
http://media.monstersandcritics.com/articles/1371931/article_images/headline_1194445112.jpg
Wiff waff is coming home!
Is there nothing better going on in the news than this old shite ?
Yes!
Some thing tells me Tone’s shine is about to wear off stateside.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1295772/Releasing-Lockerbie-bomber-blunder-PM-Obama-pave-way-U-S-grill-Blair-Mandelson.html
And the best bit is there is no way either Tone or Mandy can avoid the congressional grilling — he signed the one-sided extradition agreement. Deeeeeelicious. Well played Cammo.
shame he didn’t do it and the americans are neck deep in the cover up
It wasn’t us!
mmmmmmm! . . . grilled Mandy and Tone!
Now there’s something to savour!
BLAIR IS REALLY GOING PLACES !
Congress tomorrow next stop the Hague !
Of course there is Mr Fuckwitt, just look for yourself. Idle wanker!
Boris has been busy
Heres them all together
http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/childrenofdamned.jpg
Nope. That’s the spawn of Robbie Williams and Paris Hilton.
That would be a prawn then. Stunted, big head and no body.
ROFLMAO!
Rolling on the floor licking my arse off?
***Sighs, rolls eyes heavenward.***
http://www.gaarde.org/acronyms/?lookup=R
Nah, I’m sure I’m right on this one.
The eyes give it away it is a little balls
“Gordon still has one big job in him.” Sarah Brown
God help us.
What a hapless twat.
God help us, too.
Suggest he shits it out quick. Then dies.
Just like Elvis.
Senna pods might help.
Ken Livingstone has four illegitimate children. No media mention. Curious.
Well his baby mothers kept quiet about them — wouldn’t you? The shame.
No wonder Ken is a great supporter of the benifit system
he spill’s it
We pay for the clean up !
Every stroke’s a vinegar one for Ken…
I like salt on mine.
Ouch.
And Livingstone’s ‘Office Manager’? Didn’t she live with him? How did she get the job do we suppose?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1003676.ece
You bet baby!
Has wiff waff something to do with changing a nappy?
Think that’s whiff waft.
One for your, ‘Quote of the day’ list, come to think of it quote of the century.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1295665/Banning-burkas-UK-British-says-Green.html
‘Burkas empower women’ Caroline Spelman
Never did really understand all these Noo_Boring_Liar bullshitty words!
‘Empower’ wimmin to do what exactly? Look stupid (unless there’s a desert sandstorm brewing)?
Spelmans one of Dave’s golden girls or to be more accurate, ‘token wimmin’
Makes people walk nervously away from them, or give them a wide berth. That’s what ‘Empowerment’ means, translated from the Newspeak.
How to empower women, No. 53:
“Tell women they are not fit to be seen in public and force them to wear all enveloping clothing”
reverse psychology.works every time.
It’s the voices and femibabble I can’t stand either.
Can anything be done about that?
Actually round our way, the wearing of Burkas could be quite a boon.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v515/bloodylamer/bastardly-photos/0505/album71/bastardly-fat-friday01.jpg
Tits or GTFO.
I’m going to start a Petition for the banning of these sinister face coverings.
Yoko needs a hood
The only positive thing about burkas is that they protect women from their own dress sense. Muslim men in galabiyyas and kufi hats, on the other hand, tend to look comically like the Akhond of Swat, expecially the fat ones.
Make a 1930′s robot head from cardboard and silver paint with a slot for the eyes.
Add miniature dish aerials and lights. When challenged on the street claim to be a scientologist.
I could get 4 of my associates to tool up in them and rob a few banks. They would soon get banned.
All teens by me have took to wearing Bolivian peasant hats,must be a cocaine thing.Makes them look like big babies,oh come to think of it most of them are.
ConDem” is the new “ZanuLabour” and every bit as unamusing.
Well said Guido.
This link takes you to….er here.
about 1 hour ago: “Word is that The Times has some 27,500 online subscribers. About half the daily readership of http://www.order-order.com
has Murdoch made an offer yet?
Ah – but them as reads the Times is wellfy – and not fick as r them as reads Guidos
Perhaps Guido will bid Murdo for the Times?
YIPPPEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Western feminists always shit themselves when they come up against real oppression of women in the 3rd world.
Well that’s a very GOOD reason for covering themselves up then!
Add it to the list please.
I always shit myself when I come up against anyone over the age of ten.
Well – everyone has their own little ‘ways’ I suppose.
No wonder you keep in the bunker – better to do it private where you can clean up afterwards.
It’s very important to stay fit. My grandma started walking 5 miles a day every day when she was 60. It’s her 98th birthday today and we don’t have a fucking clue where she is.
She’s with me and she signed the house over to me.I’ll be round later to kick you out.
He loves a good kicking.
Huhne likes rug munchers. He told a lobbyist he feels like he cured her whilst quaffing in the Strangers Bar.
PC just been probed by security .Cameron’s in town.Last time that happened Rice was in town.Not very good at it if free Argentum catches them.
well either R*ice or s*ecurity are mod words now.
So can you say Condy and border crossing patrol?
or interstate watch
or sumfin?
So can you say Condy and border patrol?
Yesterday in the stan,as you will see no one has a fucking clue who they are firing at.
Completely O/T, any know how the Labour Party Finance are at present?
Or where they are?
Very depleted and about to be embezzled. All seven remaining members of the Labour Party are leaning on the bar of a dreary Harvester restaurant and have passed the remaining party dosh to the man wiping glasses behind it. He has taken pity on them, is feeeling generous, and is supplementing it to allow them a pint of draught bitter each.
sounds like a last desperate kitty on a students night out.
Too ugly for me
Twot Tim but f*ckin dim Yeo is on AlJaBeeb saying about road pricing and climate change,after listening to Dave’s offerings this morning think it’s time the NuCons found a new leader as I don’t think they will last the 5 projected years.
Boris fucked my mummy too.
Oh dear poor Boris looks like he has done it again!!!