Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Think I have got Gordon off the idea of “helping” with the campaign. Told him I would be proud to have him sit behind me in the chamber. It dawned on him that he wouldn’t be sitting on the front bench. Pretty sure we won’t see him in parliament being mocked by the Tories.

Another day, another school. Ellie is really good at finding peeling paint to film in front of, some sixth formers got a bit tricky asking why the schools were falling down after 13 years of a government committed to educashun, edukazion, educayson. Dealt with that by blaming Alistair for not printing more money.

Got back to parliament for another late finance vote, was on the terrace knocking them back with Vernon, Ellie and some of her friends who were being quite saucy when, out of nowhere, Yvette pops up, puts her hand on my shoulder and sayswe have to be going pausing only to coldly look down her nose at Ellie’s long, luscious, exposed legs.

Next thing I know Yvette is pushing me down the terrace steps. Turns out that Tom Watson then took it upon himself to show the girl a good time in Soho after the vote. She looked more hung-over than Sally this morning.

Campaign is going brilliantly, it is almost as if Gove wants me to be the next Labour leader. Some strategic brain he is. Mandelson slagging me off in his book and Cameron at PMQs can only help with the core vote.

Blinking negligible, not looking forward to doing This Week with Andrew Neil tomorrow night.  Will have to get the surgical glue out after last time.

I will be leader. I will be the fourth man.



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

William Hague on Tony Blair…

“To the political law that you can’t fool all of the people all of the time he added Blair’s law – that you can make a very serious attempt at it.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

PRO-EU LOBBYIST IN HEART OF WHITEHALL PRO-EU LOBBYIST IN HEART OF WHITEHALL
NONSENSE AND INSENSIBILITY: EMMA THOMPSON’S POETRY PROTEST NONSENSE AND INSENSIBILITY: EMMA THOMPSON’S POETRY PROTEST
ANTI-UKIP BURNHAM V PATRIOTIC ‘PURPLE’ ANDY ANTI-UKIP BURNHAM V PATRIOTIC ‘PURPLE’ ANDY
CORBYN: QUOTING THINGS I HAVE SAID IS “CYNICAL” JOURNALISM CORBYN: QUOTING THINGS I HAVE SAID IS “CYNICAL” JOURNALISM
All Change at News UK All Change at News UK
GDS IMPLOSION CONTINUES GDS IMPLOSION CONTINUES

Virgin Blackmailing Broadband Customers Virgin Blackmailing Broadband Customers
Google Logo Evolution Google Logo Evolution
Corbyn Supporters to ‘Drink Blood of Thatcher’ Corbyn Supporters to ‘Drink Blood of Thatcher’
Government Pleads Guilty to Climate Crimes Government Pleads Guilty to Climate Crimes
New REFERENDUM QUESTION New REFERENDUM QUESTION
“SECURITY” NO. 10’S CORBYN ATTACK LINE OF CHOICE “SECURITY” NO. 10’S CORBYN ATTACK LINE OF CHOICE
Guardian Looking For New Pol Ed Guardian Looking For New Pol Ed
NATIONAL CRIME AGENCY HACKED NATIONAL CRIME AGENCY HACKED
NO CAMPAIGN MAKING FRIENDS: “I HOPE YOU DIE IN A FREAK YACHTING ACCIDENT” NO CAMPAIGN MAKING FRIENDS: “I HOPE YOU DIE IN A FREAK YACHTING ACCIDENT”
CORBYN EQUATES BIN LADEN DEATH “TRAGEDY” WITH 9/11 CORBYN EQUATES BIN LADEN DEATH “TRAGEDY” WITH 9/11
RICH’S MONDAY MORNING VIEW RICH’S MONDAY MORNING VIEW
ENVIRONMENT MAYOR TOTTY WATCH: BRAZIL EDITION ENVIRONMENT MAYOR TOTTY WATCH: BRAZIL EDITION
HAIN GRAVY TRAIN HYPOCRISY HAIN GRAVY TRAIN HYPOCRISY
MONBIOT SKINS & COOKS SQUIRREL ON NEWSNIGHT MONBIOT SKINS & COOKS SQUIRREL ON NEWSNIGHT
DAVE’S CARBON BAGGAGE DAVE’S CARBON BAGGAGE
Daylight Robbery: Met Chain Themselves to £216 Billion 10 Year IT Contract Daylight Robbery: Met Chain Themselves to £216 Billion 10 Year IT Contract
Trumps Hair: Toupee or Not Toupee? Trumps Hair: Toupee or Not Toupee?
BURNHAM BLOWS DOG WHISTLE LINE BURNHAM BLOWS DOG WHISTLE LINE
DCMS FUN POLICE CALLED OFF THE CASE DCMS FUN POLICE CALLED OFF THE CASE
NEW PEERAGES LIST IN FULL NEW PEERAGES LIST IN FULL
WELSH FIRST MINISTER CONDEMNS STEEL WORKERS WELSH FIRST MINISTER CONDEMNS STEEL WORKERS
MOAT CLEANING EXPENSES SCANDAL MP AWARDED PEERAGE MOAT CLEANING EXPENSES SCANDAL MP AWARDED PEERAGE
CHICKEN TORIES CHICKEN TORIES
1 IN 5 CORBYN SUPPORTERS VOTED FOR CLEGG 1 IN 5 CORBYN SUPPORTERS VOTED FOR CLEGG