Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Think I have got Gordon off the idea of “helping” with the campaign. Told him I would be proud to have him sit behind me in the chamber. It dawned on him that he wouldn’t be sitting on the front bench. Pretty sure we won’t see him in parliament being mocked by the Tories.

Another day, another school. Ellie is really good at finding peeling paint to film in front of, some sixth formers got a bit tricky asking why the schools were falling down after 13 years of a government committed to educashun, edukazion, educayson. Dealt with that by blaming Alistair for not printing more money.

Got back to parliament for another late finance vote, was on the terrace knocking them back with Vernon, Ellie and some of her friends who were being quite saucy when, out of nowhere, Yvette pops up, puts her hand on my shoulder and sayswe have to be going pausing only to coldly look down her nose at Ellie’s long, luscious, exposed legs.

Next thing I know Yvette is pushing me down the terrace steps. Turns out that Tom Watson then took it upon himself to show the girl a good time in Soho after the vote. She looked more hung-over than Sally this morning.

Campaign is going brilliantly, it is almost as if Gove wants me to be the next Labour leader. Some strategic brain he is. Mandelson slagging me off in his book and Cameron at PMQs can only help with the core vote.

Blinking negligible, not looking forward to doing This Week with Andrew Neil tomorrow night.  Will have to get the surgical glue out after last time.

I will be leader. I will be the fourth man.



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

GuidoFawkes Quote of the Day

Andrew Neil on the dying Dead Tree Press

“I read more bloggers now than mainstream columnists, because they’ve got more interesting things to say. Too many columnists today make you think, ‘Yeah, I think you’ve said that 10 times before and I’ve just noticed your column has not go a single fact in it’”.

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Jim Murphy Is Laughing At You Jim Murphy Is Laughing At You
Awesome Star Wars Tie Fighter Drone Awesome Star Wars Tie Fighter Drone
Labour Select Palestine Activist to Fight Galloway Labour Select Palestine Activist to Fight Galloway
Watch Our Boys Blow Up Evil ISIS Scum Watch Our Boys Blow Up Evil ISIS Scum
Cassetteboy’s February Mash-Up Cassetteboy’s February Mash-Up
Buzzfeed Bias Buzzfeed Bias

Campbell Sells His Sol Campbell Sells His Sol
Jowell Jobs Hypocrisy Jowell Jobs Hypocrisy
Miliband’s Nick Clegg Moment Miliband’s Nick Clegg Moment
Green Party take cash from Tax Efficient Westwood Green Party take cash from Tax Efficient Westwood
65% of UK Laws Made in Brussels 65% of UK Laws Made in Brussels
Tory Spex Scandal Tory Spex Scandal
House of Cards Fever House of Cards Fever
Today’s Cartoon Today’s Cartoon
Jenny Humiliates Natalie Jenny Humiliates Natalie
Senator Disproves climate change by lobbing snowball Senator Disproves climate change by lobbing snowball
GCHQ take tips from horror movie GCHQ take tips from horror movie
Happy International Polar Bear Day! Happy International Polar Bear Day!
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,812 other followers