July 14th, 2010

Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Think I have got Gordon off the idea of “helping” with the campaign. Told him I would be proud to have him sit behind me in the chamber. It dawned on him that he wouldn’t be sitting on the front bench. Pretty sure we won’t see him in parliament being mocked by the Tories.

Another day, another school. Ellie is really good at finding peeling paint to film in front of, some sixth formers got a bit tricky asking why the schools were falling down after 13 years of a government committed to educashun, edukazion, educayson. Dealt with that by blaming Alistair for not printing more money.

Got back to parliament for another late finance vote, was on the terrace knocking them back with Vernon, Ellie and some of her friends who were being quite saucy when, out of nowhere, Yvette pops up, puts her hand on my shoulder and sayswe have to be going pausing only to coldly look down her nose at Ellie’s long, luscious, exposed legs.

Next thing I know Yvette is pushing me down the terrace steps. Turns out that Tom Watson then took it upon himself to show the girl a good time in Soho after the vote. She looked more hung-over than Sally this morning.

Campaign is going brilliantly, it is almost as if Gove wants me to be the next Labour leader. Some strategic brain he is. Mandelson slagging me off in his book and Cameron at PMQs can only help with the core vote.

Blinking negligible, not looking forward to doing This Week with Andrew Neil tomorrow night.  Will have to get the surgical glue out after last time.

I will be leader. I will be the fourth man.


  1. 1
    Makes Rich and Mark look good says:

    Balls deserves all the mickey taking he can stand (and more), but this still isn’t very funny.

    • 35
      YAWN says:

      Make us laugh then

    • 97

      Wait until his diary comes out in print.
      That should be a laugh.

      Monday: Bad day at work… Shitter Paxman kept going on and on about failing standards. What a twat! Standards have never been higher. Every kid gets 7 grade A GCSE’s. Even the ones that don’t attend manage it. Even the illeriterate ones who don’t understand English can do it. Paxo is a knob. I told him to his face..well, I would have but they had to go to a piece about the some steel mill or something. But next time, I’ll tell him all right..

      To cheer myself up I did my practicing meeting the Queen for when I become PM.
      “Hello Ma’am. Yes, I believe you’re right. It was the biggest landslide in history. What’s that? A special crown to wear? For me? You had it made in my honour..? Well that’s very kind..”

      But then Yvette came into my special downstairs room and spoiled it by asking my why I had a lampshade on my head…

  2. 2
    jdennis_99 says:

    LOL – these diaries really make me howl!

  3. 3
    Osama the Nazarene says:

    I will be the fourth man. Brilliant.

    What happened to the breach in the paywall with Mandy’s excerpts?

  4. 4
    NotaSheep says:

    If it winds Ed Balls up even a tiny bit then these diaries are well worth printing. Anything that gets under the skin of that odious creature is worth doing.

    • 9

      He told one hustings that he was “bullied by right-wing bloggers”. He has had it far too easy as far as Guido is concerned.

      • 16
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Bullied? When you see some of the scum his lot ‘send’ here?

        • 41
          Spank Sinatra says:

          Fcuk me sideways with a wanking stick! He talks about being ‘bullied’? I do wish somebody could dig out that Eddie Mair PM interview from about 5 weeks ago. Pure radio gold.

          • I Loathe Blinky With A Passion says:

            To all those who allegedly bullied Ed Balls when he was at school, I only have one thing to say:

            Well done.

          • Reportedly every Monday morning, when he turned up at his ministry office, he had to ask the civil servants where his chair had gone?
            No one could explain.
            One week he was so furious at having to order another new chair he told his ministry team that if his chair wasn’t there on Monday he would sack them all.

            Sure enough his chair was there. It was the desk that had vanished.

          • Max Miller says:

            Bill Quango’s fly on the wall observations really are are a hoot.
            He’s right up there with Ed Balls’s campaign diary for a rich source of wit, surpassed only by the gods that are Rich and Mark.

        • 198
          Can't remember he's a whining Belgian nonce says:

          Belgians ??? why would a loser twat like balls need Belgians?
          Likeminded company one can only presume.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            You are not English! Fucking Jock Cock Jockey. Learn some punctuation, you fucking retarded, cum-swallowing, anal felching twat!

          • Can't remember he's a whiny Belgain nonce says:

            We all know you’re not English nonce, you’re a Belgain ped0 who was caught on this blog saying you wanted to touch a kid.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            You are the p4edo, you Jock Cock Jock!

          • Belgian moniker twonk admits he is a nonce says:

            “Can’t remember my moniker says:
            July 7, 2010 at 11:21 pm

            There is only one kid who ever lived that I would loved to have got my hands, on in their early life”

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            Not English! Yoiu Jock twat.

          • Can't remember he's a whining Belgian nonce says:

            you’re Not English! you are Belgian! we know that you nonce

          • Emergency Budgie says:

            tat is a sweatie. every1 knows dat

          • Can't remember he's a whining Belgian nonce says:

            and I ain’t tat so thanks for proving my point you pathetic dribble of piss

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            He’s NOT English! He’s a cock jock from jockland.

          • Can't remember he's a whiny Belgain nonce says:

            We all know you’re not English, you’re a Belgain ped0

  5. 5
    Blinky is a cunt says:

    I liked the way Cameron works in a piss-take of Balls at every PMQs. Today’s was a good one.

  6. 6

    “it is almost as if Gove wants me to be the next Labour leader.”

    We all want you to be the next labour leader you fucking idiot, you have the ability to fuck the labour party out of existence.

    Right minded people in this country fucking hate you Balls. You’re a c*nt.

    • 22
      Duh says:

      he is not on this site.Tell him here.

      • 37

        How do you know he doesn’t read these threads?

        In order to ‘tell him here’, i would have to sign up to twitter.

        Fortunately, i have a life.

        • 144
          Blinky Balls is looking podgy says:

          Agreed. I notice that since people took the piss out of his stupid “this school that I’m pointing at won’t be built if the BSF programme is cut” videos, he’s stopped doing them.

          Fat Labour dinosaur Ed “Podgeosaurus” Balls reads this site.

  7. 8
  8. 10
    Veritas says:

    Most Constituency Labour Party Votes are now in for the Labour leadership challenge.

    David Miliband has netted most at 73, his brother Ed has 57, Diane has 13, the doe-eyed-one has 10 and poor Ed Balls is trailing with 6.

  9. 11
    Blinky is a cunt says:

    Why can’t we have a Die Ann Abb Ott diary?

  10. 12
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’m still prime minister! I am I am I am!

  11. 13
    MI7 says:

    Who’s this ellie you keep referring to guido? what’s her second name so I can google some pics of her and see if she’s as hot as everyone seems to be saying she is.

  12. 14
    Veritas says:


    The thing that really stands out about Ed Balls is his ‘inate honesty’. I’m sure it’s that that makes him so popular with so few people,

  13. 15
    Bully Boy Balls ( heir to Michael Foot ) says:

    Let me be Liebour leader and I’ll write the longest suicide note in history.

    Vote Balls, get oblivion !!

    • 45
      I Remember You Hoo says:

      Vote for any of them and get Labour oblivion.
      In fact, the only way back for the clowns, is a monumental cock up / betrayal, from Cameron and Clegg.
      While that is entirely possible given their previous assertions and hurried withdrawals. It would take another cast iron fiasco to derail the coalition right now. Even then, outside of the core ZaNu herd, few would contemplate voting for such a gang of wretches.

  14. 17
    • 21
      MI7 says:

      that’s a bit rich coming from the guy who’s continuing a corrupt unwinnable war that’s seeing british soldiers coming home in body bags on an almost dialy basis so our streets can remain flooded with heroin.

    • 23
      stilyagi_air_corps says:

      No? I think he just did.

      • 51
        Wonder why? says:

        Casual statistics.

        Number of people who have died in police custody since 1992: 1102

        Number of people shot and killed by the police since 1992: 32

        Number of policemen prosecuted for these deaths since 1992: 0

        • 66
          stilyagi_air_corps says:

          It’s the unarmed, innocent ones you should be gobbing-off about, not the butch ones you happen to fancy.

    • 62
      The Quite Man says:

      You are right Cameron doesn’t get it, like allowing 3 of our lads to be murdered by some Afghan they were supposing to be helping.
      “The commander of British forces in Helmand Province today insisted the murders of three British troops by a rogue Afghan soldier must not affect their mission”
      Like its not the first time this has happened. I bet 100% when all these politicians go on their photo ops in Afghanistan none of the Afghans have any bullets in their guns.
      Leave this sh*^ hole now.

      • 69
        hello, reality calling says:

        so NATO forces withdraw immediately without leaving a stable afghan army/police force. bin laden + co re-establishes their jihadi disneyland in helmand within 6 months. what now?

        • 100
          News Desk says:

          It never went away.Its a fundamental religion.its like Canute telling the waves to go back. Forget it get them out.

        • 129
          Call me infidel says:

          “bin laden + co re-establishes their jihadi disneyland in helmand within 6 months. what now?”

          They invented thermobaric weapons for just this scenario. Lets be honest there never will be a stable government in Afghanistan. The sooner we accept this and move on the better.

        • 160
          hateful fucker says:

          What now!

          Carpet bomb the fucking lot, all of it…….Fuck em.
          Do Iraq as well.
          In fact fucking bomb the entire fucking middle east.
          Israel included.

          Job fucking done.

          I’m a hateful fucker.

        • 187
          MI7 says:

          ‘reality calling’? is that the same reality peddled by the filthy BBC and all the other journalists/chattering-class-types telling us why our soldiers must ‘stay the course’ and ‘get the job done’ in afghanistan, yet none of them seem to quick to ever pick a rifle up and go on the frontline themselves or send there kids out there?

          I suggest if you want a reality check you research who funded Bin Ladens jihadi disneyland and started Al-Qieda (CIA database) for yourself. Also it might be worth looking into how opium production has risen in proportion to the number of troops we station in afghanistan.

      • 70
        News Desk says:

        It happened in November.

  15. 27
    Peter Grimes says:

    ‘Course the only things long and exposed about the non-fragrant Yvette Bollox are her skinny ribs and boyish, unappetising baps!

    • 36
      GrimeLord says:

      oh! Its a “she” is it?

      I thought that it was some sort of teenage boy.

      • 156
        Southern Softy says:

        Greasy hair and bad spots (face, t’its legs and above all voice.)

      • 273
        Peter Grimes says:

        I gave the skanky, lying bitch the benefit of the doubt. Besides, even trans people prefer to be addressed as a female.

  16. 28
    Mandy says:

    Have I ever mentioned what a bitch that Yvette is?

    • 34
      MI7 says:

      I’ll tolerate her bitchiness if she gives me a blowjob. For some I can’t help but think Yvette is awesome at giving head, a true Queen Of The Blowjobs.

  17. 29
    News Desk says:

    here is a new vid from the forces network

  18. 30
    Mustapha ben Effit says:

    I see they’ve installed squat toilets in the shopping centres in Rochdale. It’s like home from home. Now I can have a decent shit whilst I work out my shoplifting strategies.

  19. 31
    Doc Trough says:

    Ellie. Nice arse, shame about the mind/liver.

  20. 38
    Komich the Tiger says:

    Most heterosexual men want
    to smash Balls in the face.
    Don’t know why. It just is.
    As a result he’s very effective combating
    unprepared slightly lazy opponents who get wound up
    and want a fight.
    Oppose him with a clever gay guy.
    Laws if he’s brought back. Can’t think of anyone else.

  21. 39
    Veritas says:

    I wonder what Ed Balls is going to do when one of the Milibands wins the Labour Leadership. I can’t see either of them offering him or his rather shrieky wife a shadow minister’s job.

    Can they survive on the salary of two lowly MPs?

    • 46
      Yvette 'Vuvuzela' Cooper Balls says:


      he’s going to be a premiership footballer

      so don’t you mock my husband

    • 49
      Bob the Builder says:

      They will lean back on the funds of the trade union PROSPECT or Thuggie Whelan’s UNITE…

      Yvette’s daddy Cooper set it up PROSPER..they defend gold plated public sector pensions in particular…

      Unions have masses of their members money to shamelessly throw at worthless Labour PMs…to keep them in beer money…

    • 50
      Spank Sinatra says:

      They couldn’t survive on the salary of two cabinet ministers (total approx £320,00) without claiming 600 quid between them on food allowances every month and let us not forget their house swaps either. Shameful.

    • 53
      Jack says:

      I seriously doubt if Yvette will put up with the power crazed Testicules for very much longer…

      She think becoming Labour Leader is all about getting drunk on the terrace of the House of Commons in public…

      She shows a little decorum after all (except foe the Daily Telegraph episode !)

  22. 40
    MI5 says:

    So Ellie and Freak Watson drinking champagne…

    It’s throwing pearls before pigs I say

    They are celebrating wrecking Britain no doubt

    PS If Watson drinks any more alcohol his eyes will literally close…He will become blind like his great Leader…

  23. 42
    Gordie Brown runs away from the nurses again says:

    Today, I have mostly been doing jobbies.

    • 44
      Bob says:

      Make sure Sue keeps your pampers straight…

      She is a Lady now you know…

      • 51
        Gordie Brown runs away from the nurses again says:

        You not talky to me like that! I big boy! You show me respect! Or I will do a mad, bad and dangerous jobby in your room! I am the prime man! You call me Mr Prime Man!

        • 55
          Rasta Bob your friendly supplier says:

          What a good idea…

          We like people like Brown…completely spaced out…

          I think we should nominate you as the next President of Jamaica

          • Gordie Brown runs away from the nurses again says:

            I’m busy writing the new Queen’s Speech. I have a job to do as PM and I intend to carry it out.

            Ooh, I just came.

  24. 48
    Moaty says:

    If them coppers hadna tazered me, I’da goone afta dat Balls fella and dat fookin Brown fella. I fookin hated the booth of them!

    • 185
      siberia says:

      Let’s face it if our Courageous Police hadn’t tasered you, you would have battered and terrorised more partners and children and killed, maimed or blinded even more innocent people before you died.

  25. 59
    I'd like to shag Shagger Nokes says:

    Any of you see the story in today’s Evening Standard that Shagger Nokes’s toyboy James Dinsdale is to face deselection as a councillor for failing to attend meetings for 6 months? You can’t blame him. He’s had a lot of shagging to do in that time.

  26. 61
    • 68
      Fuck Labour says:

      B Liar started it, Liebore troll. And Mentalist McDoom underfunded the troops, leading DIRECTLY to their deaths.

      • 194
        siberia says:

        Let’s not forget why he did that. Gordon deliberately underfunded the troops, starved them of equipment, in the hope of forcing the UK’s part of the Iraq War to fail. He didn’t care that men would die because of his actions . He hoped to bring blair down by doing what he did!!

        What a Very Evil Man he was. It says everything thst he he would allow innocent men to be killed for his own vendetta!!!

        And let’s not forget that balls was right there beside him, egging him on

  27. 63
    Ellie /Bevanite says:

    If Ellie did anything wrong I volunteer to slap her arse

  28. 64
    troops out. says:

    this is one from an hour ago. a turk kamikazi .

    • 271
      My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

      May every day in hell be thirsty and may someone point out your stupidity on the hour every hour til infinity………..TWAT

  29. 67
    G Brown says:

    Nokia good Apple shit

  30. 75
    pro patrea says:

    Guido – very clever/funny diary. If Private Eye did it, I might read it again

  31. 78
    Dr Kelly (may he rest in peace) says:

    So no real change in the leadership of Noo_Lie_Bore judging by the style of the putative next leader then?

  32. 81
    Ed Testicles says:

    Yvette’s been on the sauce again.

    • 84
      crackhead says:

      I can’t get enough of this video.

      • 90
        Fuck Labour says:

        I wonder if Waitrose would ever let her enter. I fucking hope not. That’s where I do my shopping.

        • 113
          Spank Sinatra says:

          Doubt it – two vowels and two consonants is the maximum she can muster. An ideal ambassador for the success story that was our education investment 1997 – 2010.

          • Ben Dover says:

            Could not agree more Sinatra and she will breed several more morons copy of herself all supported by the taxpayer. Time all this ended stop their money just give then food coupons for Tesco value.

      • 117
        Sir Reginald Titbrain says:

        She’s barely good enough for the Eurovision Song Contest.

      • 148
        Fuck Labour says:

        This isn’t her only talent. Observe the other talents she displays here:

  33. 82
    Fuck Labour says:

    I have a very simple solution to the ongoing Afghanistan problem.

    Step 1: Withdraw all troops.
    Step 2: Leave the raghead fuckers to kill each other.

    The End.

  34. 87
    teabag says:

    Let’s remind ourselves what Gordon and Ed got up to, the filthy bastards.

  35. 88
    News Desk says:

    here is a press release by the ones who are “looking after” the killer of the 3 soldiers yesterday

  36. 89
    Tanzanite says:


    ‘but, but, I, I ‘

    ‘look John I said that I think Tony Blair was the best PM we had had for 100 years’

    And he even thinks that their time in government was good for the economy.

    Poor deluded soul.

  37. 91
    Shudder says:

    I thought I saw a monster but it was a Gok

    • 98
      Gordon Brown says:

      I like a bit of Gok.

    • 103
      how to look good naked and strung up with piano wire says:

      Put the word ‘naked’ in the title with a flouncing nonce to front the programme, and it’s sure to be a runaway success with us Brits.

  38. 94
    Tanzanite says:


    So Tony Blair thought Gordon was a mafia boss, it says so in the Mirror, so it must be true.

    If Gordon was the Mafia boss who was his bagman? Or maybe that’s bagmen?

    Let’s see, Chief Bagman must have been Ed Balls, closely followed by Assistant Chief Bagmen Tom Watson, Damian McBride and Charlie Whelan.

    They make an ‘attractive’ quintet don’t they?

    If only we had a photograph of them altogether to remember them by.

  39. 96
    Fuck Labour says:

    31,000 people have joined the FB Moat group.

    What sick fuckers. They might as well start one for Derrick Bird and Crossbow Cannibal.

    • 99
      pug ugly is as pug ugly does says:

      How many are Geordies I wonder?

    • 107
      The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

      F*** Brown !
      Moat would have made a better Prime Minister than
      McMental. Blair or that ermined toilet trader who has a book out this week
      His book should have been called
      “New Gaybour, the path to sodomy and financial ruin”

      • 123
        Anonymous says:

        Shouldn’t that be the path to sodomy and untold riches?

      • 130
        Beast Basher says:

        You weird delusional TWAT ! This is a murdering, wife beating individual. Not educated, respectable and responsible like Gordon, Tony, Peter and the rest of their entourage. They have never knowingly damaged anyone! We have all been told that by the BBC and the rest of the MSM!

        • 169
          hateful fucker says:

          I liked that bit about tony and gordon being respectable, i thought it was well funny.
          Moat gets respect because it pisses the pigs off, it’s nothing to do with actually liking moat, seems you don’t understand.
          Looks like you’re a twat.

          Incidentally, i’d of liked to have seen that big geordie c’nt take a 9mm right to the face, in fact a full clip would of been better, like the pigs did to menezez.

          I’m a hateful fucker.

      • 143
        The Court of Public Opinion says:

        Its got a lovely cover.

    • 108
    • 112
      Kilobar says:

      facebook have refused to remove it.

      • 121
        A message from hell... says:

        Wanna say thanks to yorl fo’ ya tributes, like. It’s good ta know that the british public is right behind a murderin wife beatin druggie psycho!

        • 146
          Why Aye man says:

          we are ruled by murdering druggies mate.

          • hateful fucker says:

            So fucking what, take some drugs and fucking murder someone, it might make you feel better you whinging c’nt.

            I’m a hateful fucker.

    • 118
      Veritas says:

      They’ll all be part of that benefit culture from Brown’s broken Britain won’t they?

      Sad indeed that they have been so poorly educated under labour and so conditioned to be reliant upon the state that they choose for a hero, a violent man who murders and maims rather than someone worthwhile.

      Gordon Brown’s moonies aspiring to be a moatie. That says everything about labour doesn’t it?

      • 321
        watch Dumbo posts on Fawkes says:

        they are more educated than you.They know the cops and the government are a bunch of corrupt killers.

    • 124
      concrete pump says:

      It’s called free speech, remember.

      • 136
        anonymous says:

        and the protest is more about the behaviour of the police than any loving for Moat

        Don’t forget it’s taken the CPS 18 months up to now to determine what happens to the police after the death of Ian Tomlinson – thinking of an opt out no doubt

        fuck this police state

  40. 101
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Balls gets his own demotivation poster, and its not bad.

  41. 106
    News Desk says:

    Moat update on Moat 4
    Well fuck me social services at fault yet again.They need disbanding.

  42. 111

    He’s the new Robbin Williams.

  43. 114
    Tory Bumsqueakers says:

    Is this all inspired by fear of Milliband? If the coalition hits the buffers, as is easily possible given Lib Dem waverings and the public’s reaction when the cuts start to bite, he could prove to be a difficult opponent for Cameron at the dispatch box.

    • 204
      siberia says:

      Fear of Miliband ???


      I expect that one of the Miliband Borthers will in the Labour Leadership challenge.

      I suspect that they are going to find it less rewarding than Hague,IDS or Howard did!!!

  44. 119
    Kilobar says:

    Strange watching Martin McGuiness having to condemn rioting in Belfast.

    • 120
      Kilobar says:

      • 122
        News Desk says:

        And why did they kick off? try this.

        • 125
          Find the news yourself says:

          So who are the cops working for ? The protestants as usual.

        • 126
          Apartheid Ulster says:

          Imagine the residents of Wootten Bassett trying to block a protest march by islamic jihadists and the police giving them stick.
          It’ll happen here soon.

        • 127
          Find the news yourself says:

          helicopter footage.

          • My Other Cars Not A Prius Either says:

            When will this bollocks ever stop,If a bunch of wankers want to march by just to remind you the might of britain beat you at the battle of the boyne three centuries plus ago,let them!….fuck them….it certainly wont improve the weather!
            Rising to this bait every time paints yourselves as silly and as violent as the orange order, let them march,what did it change?the battle of the boyne I mean,The natives remain loyal to Rome,many starved rather than take the soup.The planted remain loyal to the secular head of the established church.All empires have planted lickarses in hostile territory, the most notable being the USSR,the balkans war proved that,huge numbers of kosovans,croats,serbs bosnians were relocated as were belorussians and chechnyens swapped to destroy nationality. That was not successful either as when the soviet oppression was lifted,hell literally broke loose.The native had always resented the planted and waited for the first opportnity to level the game of social engineering.You are You nobody will ever change that.Tell the triumphalists to march on every road on the island of Ireland,it will not change anything…………………Maigheo Abu

          • Ireland 4 The Irish.Up the IRA says:

            When they all fuck off back across the sea to England and Ulster is EIRE. They are marching about like the fucking Klu Klux Klan.

    • 336
      BarMaidsays says:

      Probably a rival drug gang, and not approved by McGuiness

  45. 132
    I Expected better things from dave says:

    Tad sad to hear Dave getting it wrong over Moaty.

    Instead of chastising facebook (who only reflect public opinion) Dave should be asking why the public have so little faith in the police.

    When dave got a clip on the ear for smoking pot, the police had no targets to meet. Since New Labour came into power those targets would have made Dave a criminal on the DNA database and a chip on his shoulder against the police.

    • 135
      Kilobar says:

      Robbing MP’s who got off scott free and out of control cops seen as tools of the state.

    • 142
      grobdj says:

      Don’t be silly, the line you walk takes you to the excusement of extreme violence after mild provocation

      Moaty is not a folk-hero, he didn’t rob the rich to give to the poor, and as for facebook reflecting public opinion, I’m sure there plenty of tributes on there to Osama Bin Laden. Maybe Peter Tobin was just a misunderstood paedophile whose needs weren’t being met

      I hope you don’t have children

      • 157
        Kilobar says:

        Why? having an opinion that the present government as well as the previous one is full of thieves,and that means what if I have children? What a low life you are. You are probably a pedo,a government pedo.

        • 171
          ready brek says:

          “You are probably a pedo,a government pedo.”

          Yeah, you know, the sort that you pick up everyday for a meat and two veg sannie.

    • 145
      A cold northern rain says:

      Facebook should remove that page.

      31000 Chav’s apparently support Raoul Moat who was a violent bully who came to an appropriately violent end. It’s impossible for any decent person to feel remorse for what has happened to him, given what he did to his own friends and family and to innocent strangers!.

      Sadly, he left a lot of seriously injured, not to mention dead people, behind him. Good people .

      The Real Hero, Blinded David Rathband, is one of them!!!

      Moaty had a pretty quick death. He didn’t suffer much. A pity perhaps! I doubt whether he was a man who could face blindness with any courage !!!

      Apart from the innocent young man he killed, robbing him of the life he should have had , his other innocent victims are having to face life with serious physical injuries and blindness.

      And his ex partners and especially his children are having to come terms with the fact that they were battered and abused by their father.

      The fact that he also dealt in drugs and was part of the underworld of Newcastle is not going to help their or his remaining family members’ self esteem is it?

      Nice man!

      What a blessing that he’s gone!!

      • 149
        Why Aye man says:

        fuck off plod

        • 162
          siberia says:

          Not plod!!

          Public Opinion . And not that minority 31000 welfare benefit cheats, supporters of failed labour who are currently posting on a twitter site whilst they sip their benefit paid for vodka!!

          The rest of us, taxpayers, workers,pensioners and there is a lot of us! We decent people, who outnumber you chavs, and think more of genuiine hard working, caring people especially one’s like David Rathband!, think Raoul Moat’s death was a blessing!!

          So whilst I would not use your uneducated foul language .

          May I suggest that you and your views about the evil moaty take youself off to the outer reaches of somewhere very cold and freeze your +++++ to h++ll.

      • 159
        Up Moaty says:


        • 177
          Anonymous says:

          31,001 psychos.

          • vote Moat you scrote says:

            33,106 now.

            Most people are paying there respects and putting positive comments, but some deranged nutters are supporting the pigs.

          • Anonymous says:

            Hmmmm….31,006 sicko fuckos. Probably the average population of a chav geordie town as it happens.

          • The rise of the megaloons says:

            psychos are in the ascendancy

          • Spielberg says:

            I love that title. The Rise of The Megaloons. that’s going to be my next film.

          • BarMaidsays says:

            The Rise of the Megaloons sounds like a heartlifting musical. Will it have Cheryl as the downtrodden wife who fights for the right to follow her heart and love again some callow youth

      • 319
        Mong Zoo says:

        a cold northern rain. What the fuck .a shower of shite.

      • 332
        Moaty says:

        35,000 now

  46. 141
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    We’re a sad load of fuckers. Just sit around all day talking Balls.

    • 150
      Lasher says:

      you sound like you seen the light.

      • 229
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Thanks Lasher, appreciated.

        Unlike that retarded, self-fellating, Jock cock jockey below, masquerading as ‘Can’t remember he’s a whiny Belgain nonce’, who in typical compulsive obsessive manner wants to unload his sexual guilt on someone whose views he does not understand.

        • 344
          Can't remember he's a whining Belgian nonce says:

          Awwww the poor widdle baby wants guido to help him again
          “PWEEASE GUIDO SAAAVE MEE! SAAVE MEE! dewete the nasty poster”

          Get some fucking self respect for once in you life you sniveling Belgian worm

        • 346
          Can't remember my moniker says:

          Fuck off spastic.

    • 172
      hateful fucker says:

      Fucking speak for your fucking self.

    • 216
      Can't remember he's a whiny Belgain nonce says:

      they sound Belgian
      like you

  47. 151
    A cold northern rain says:

    You poor labour/brown/balls insurgent.

    You think you’ll taint this blog with your racist comments and make people believe that Guido’s blog supports racism, don ‘t you?

    May I suggest that you go an drown your sorrows in a butt of malmsey on the westminster terrace and when you’ve finished it fall into the Thames!!

  48. 153
    Kilobar says:

    The yanks whining about BP getting a Libyan oil deal with cancer Al. Like they never done a dirty oil move,Iraq?

  49. 154
    I'm a fucking psycho says:

    When this monster entered my brain, I will never know, but it is here to stay. How does one cure himself? I can’t stop it, the monster goes on, and hurts me as well as society. Maybe you can stop him. I can’t.

    • 164
      Up Moaty says:

      You sound like you have a lot of insight,unlike the psycho cop killers.

      • 175
        Right Up Moaty says:

        Moaty is dead, get over it you fucking necrophiliac.

        • 179
          Moat Men will avenge says:

          Moaty lives on in the hearts and minds of millions. Pigs are forgotten as soon as the shit die and go straight to Hell.

          • a village somewhere is missing it's idiot says:

            Fawkes, you must do something about these gay fuckers posting from care homes and secure units.

          • Northumbria Police Spokesperson says:

            Relax, everybody! We’ve found him on order order, posting under his job title.

          • Elvis says:

            Moaty has left the building, and is now rsident on Uranus. Time for all his looney tune supporters to follow suit and shoot themselves after a good fucking tasering.

          • Boo Hoo Guido we can't handle all these smart guys coming on and messing our wanking up says:

            sez the mong wanker in rampton

          • moaty mongs are minging moaners says:

            “sez the mong wanker in rampton”

            Thanks for fessing up, we’re on our way with the medication……now bend over.

        • 218
          Fuckoff back to gadgets site if you can't take it. says:

          There’ thick geordie’s and then there’s thick geordie cops.

  50. 167
    Twat a twat says:

    numbering gone to fuck again,guido must be on a censoring rout.

  51. 174
    anonymous says:

    so, if you are one of the ‘wanted’ in this country you are in a great position. Marc Bolland suffers the ignomony of a £7.5 million pound sign on fee to go with a £7.5 million pay packet for M & S

    I’m sure the poor and the unemployed will be pleased for the cnut

    In what way is he contributing toward sorting out the debt/deficit???

    fucking bastard

  52. 183
    Fuck Labour says:

    Where’s Gordon tonight? At another party, with his carers stationed at a discreet distance so as not to draw attention to themselves?

  53. 186
    Anonymous says:

    You haven’t even bothered with the “as leaked to Guido” caveat this time!

    Nice work.

  54. 189
    All I can say is. says:


  55. 201
    Defacto says:

    Dave, instead of pretending outrage, should be asking why the public no longer trust the police.

    • 208
      norman stanley fletcher says:

      Before you get too carried away ol fruit, perhaps you’d like to check how many of those Face Book supporters are staying somewhere at her majesty’s pleasure.

      • 256
        Theres an app 4 that says:

        Mobile phones may get smuggled in,but I don’t know anyone that can get an iphone up their arse.

    • 222
      Questions to the Prime Minister. No 1 says:

      Dave should be asking himself why the public no longer trust the police, the CPS, the CJS, the CofE, the House of Lords, the FA, royalty, lawyers, bankers, accountants, the MSM, quangos, corporate big business, and above all, lying, thieving, robbing, EU cocksucking, Bilderberg attending NWO politicians.

      • 224

        I think Dave already knows.

        I hope facebook tell him to go piss up a rope.

      • 241
        Mr Plum says:

        Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey… Doesn’t try it on.
        Billy Connolly

        • 246
          Wavy Davy is fine then says:

          • Fuck Labour says:

            You must be so proud…

          • Anonymous says:

            Fuck off tat you four eyed bender.

          • You must be so proud... says:

            Mr Cameron who has put a modernising agenda at the centre of his Party, clearly enjoys the comparisons that have been made between him and Labour’s most successful modern-day Prime Minister.

            At a dinner with newspaper executives on the eve of his address, he took the comparison a step further. “I am the heir to Blair,” he said. If his hosts were in any doubt about what they had heard, Mr Cameron repeated the mantra. He also said that a Cameron Tory Government would not reverse all of the Blairite reforms in the public services.

            George Osborne, the Shadow Chancellor and fellow member of the so-called Notting Hill set of young modernising Tories, was also at the dinner table. Mr Osborne, defending the heir to Blair boast, said: “We have nothing to be ashamed of in saying it.”

            the Editor of The Daily Telegraph, which has yet to declare for any of the five candidates, was not so sure. “David,” he said. “I would not repeat that outside this room.”

          • You must be so proud... says:

          • AC1 says:

            Oooh, matron!

          • Tee-hee! says:

            Liebore trolls are out in force. Being in opposition must be such a bitch.

          • thick as Moat thieves says:

          • Tee-hee! says:

            But I thought Gordon and his “wife” were going to go into charity if he lost the election? He wasn’t lying to GMTV viewers, was he? Not Gordon Brown, the son of a manse?

          • Anonymous says:

            The opposition are those that don’t vote for any of the corrupt tri-partite overseers.
            You are the bitch. Bending over to take it up the arse, while urging the buggers on.

      • 243
        streamfisher says:

        Not the CPS surely? (Iknow, Iknow).

      • 254
        Oh aye says:

        The next Moaty maybe a kamikaze bomber

  56. 219
    Can't remember my moniker says:

    Fuck Balls – and Ellie come to that. Look at these Czech women, one of whom is a politician:

    • 225
      Fuck Labour says:

      But how can any of them compete with this stunner?

      • 232
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        Wow! I would leave home for that, if I were stupid enough to live with her. It is GROSS!

      • 237
        you fuck labour mingers says:

        Now we know how you got your moniker you sick fuck.

    • 226
      Another late night sitting in the terrace bar says:

      Thank Christ our politicians have a sense of decorum and gravitas.

      • 235
        Can't remember my moniker says:

        In that case, the Son of God (allegedly) was crucified, and died, in vain.

        • 240
          Judas Iscariot MP says:

          Just another sad fucker without a commons pass to the best watering hole in London.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            Ah! but I have a view of the mountains here. What have you got? The fucking Millenium wheel!!!!

            And I pay my way, unsubsidised.

            Now, what was that about “sad fuckers”?

          • Judas Iscariot MP says:

            Those, that like Jesus, had to reassure themselves that they were “living the dream”, as opposed to those that live out their dream in this life, off the backs of others. Those sorts of sad fuckers.
            Now , who’s round is it, and who’s expense account shall we stick this one on?

          • you thick cuпt says:

            sadly, they’re not mountains you are seeing mr moniker, but the half eaten toblerone you left on the table by your hospital bed.

          • Can't remember my moniker says:

            OK! You fucking retard! Start pulling the mountains down then. You will be about as successful as your hemorrhoidal lover, that alternative Jesus-from-hell, McFuckingSpascticBroon.

        • 247
          But on the third day says:

  57. 238
    Overheard in many an MP's second,third or fourth home tonight says:

    Make sure you wash all that blood off your hands, dear!
    Wouldn’t want to spoil our fun now, would we?

  58. 242
  59. 249
    Truism says:

    You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.

  60. 255
    michael foot says:

    brown, mcbride, tom watson, whelan, bob ainsworth, balls, raoul moat.

    All labour people of the same ilk aren’t they?!

  61. 269
    Cameron for Censorship says:

  62. 272
    Tanzanite says:

    Where is Brown?

    And where is Sarah?

  63. 295
    Would Jesus have sympathy Dave? says:

    Raoul Moat asked for psychiatric help a year ago from Newcastle Social Services, harrassed by Police at his work, taped meeting with social services nd put up CCTV at his home to record Police visits.


    • 312
      Gordon Brown says:

      I have sympathy for Mr Moet, which is why I’m taking the time to personally handwrite a letter to his family and the families of his victims. I did everything I could to get Mr Meaot help but it was Sue’s fault.

  64. 300
    The internet says no Dave says:

    Impotent Davy Wavy Cameron has been slapped down and told to shut his fucking mouth by Facebook lol

    • 306
      Anti cameron free speech says:

      Cameron = Blair 2.0

      • 311
        I Heart Lay Bore says:

        What’s Tony B Liar spending his $20m on this week? Is it more therapy for his daughter who threatened to do herself in? I wonder why that nice Mr B Liar asked for a press blackout on that. I thought he liked free speech, just like when he didn’t mind what Dr Kelly had to say.

        • 314
          "Pairing" for partnership says:

          He’s not spending any of his own money. That nice Mr Cameron is funding his personal security, just as the next Prime Minister will ensure the present incumbent’s retirement.
          Continuity, old bean! It ‘s what marks us out.

          • I Heart Lay Bore says:

            Why did that nice Mr B Liar want to keep his earnings from Iraqi oil secret?

          • You're either a player or a puck says:

            To avoid you wetting yourself with jealosy.

          • I Heart Lay Bore says:

            ” jealosy”

            Tut tut. See what Labour’s Education Education Education has done.

          • PC Filth says:

            That’s what dinner, a drink and a smoke does. Nothing to do with education.
            Ever fancied becoming a traffic warden? Somehow, i think you’re perfect material.

  65. 301
    get some new software says:

    “You are posting too quickly slow down”
    Fuck me it’s a computer it’s supposed to be quick.

  66. 308
    The Prime Minister says:

    I cannot understand any wave, however small, of public sympathy for a callous killer responsible for multiple deaths.
    Now. i take out an onion, and weep crocodile tears for British service personnel

    • 315
      Davey Scrambled Brains Wavey Cameron PM says:

      Now I put it to the British public that you must support our baby and women killing troops in Afghanistan 110% but I cannot understand any wave of sympathy for Raoul Moat.

  67. 316
    Sarah "I can see an oily slick from here" Palin says:

    How’s that hopey, changy, three months to live thingy going for you, Mr Abdul Bassett Al Megrahi.

  68. 334
    Finbar says:

    well this has been a lively one,all that’s missing is nell.

  69. 338
    Christy says:

    Whilst I cannot support the murderous actions of Raoul Moat,which in my view were barbaric to say the least,it does beg the question as to why this scenario developed in the first place listening to the ITV tapes of what he was saying shows a man who was seriously disturbed as to what he percieved to be happening to him at the hands of the police.
    It is a bit of a surprise to me that Cameron goes on about this at PMQ on the basis of he is an out and out crimminal,surely we should be asking why do we have a system where the authorities are advised that this man is a danger to his former partner and apparently nothing is done.
    The people who then suffered tragically from this failure are correct to feel that the system let them down.
    At the end of the day however the investigations findings are reported Cameron should note that confidence in the police and their actions is seriously under reveiw by the general public.

  70. 339
    Christy says:

    McDoom was the biggest failure that this country has ever seen,we have in the past seen some abject failures in governing this land,but this guy takes the biscuit,not content with selling off gold at knock down prices he then goes onto wrecking the best pension service in the world and then he decides that knocking off the 10% tax band which hits the lowest earners in the land is a good idea to score political points against the Cons.
    The man is a political liability of the highest order and should be consigned to the dustbin of political history as an abject failure of brittish politics as we know it.

  71. 352

    I love to see humour in politics !!!

  72. 354

    [...] the flames of gossip, I thought I’d point out that Yvette Cooper’s rival for Ed Balls affection was [...]

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”

orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?

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