June 15th, 2010

Ed Gets Taste of Poison

Despite the protestations of the Labour leader candidates that the days of spin and backstabbing anonymous briefings are over, the memo clearly hasn’t reached all the campaign teams yet as someone has been having quite the chat with the Mail’s Andrew Pierce. Ed Balls’s time as a member of Oxford University Conservative Association hasn’t gone down too well with a backbench colleague who was quick to twist the knife:

‘It’s astonishing that any Labour leadership contenders could have even considered paying money to join a Tory association in the mid-1980s. It’s sickening as he was paying them subs when Mrs Thatcher was wreaking terrible destruction on constituencies in the North of England that he represents. No wonder he is airbrushing his past.’

Sounds a lot like a man often used for rent-a-quotes. The justification was so that Balls could hear the likes of Michael Heseltine doesn’t really wash. Being a closet member of Oxford or Cambridge Conservative Association never did Nick Clegg any harm, just look where it got him.


  1. 1

    We’re all members of UOCA together.


  2. 2
    English John says:

    Damn…I was really hoping Blinky was leading the socialists to oblivion, and he’s blown it. Still the Marx Brothers will bugger it all up for sure.


  3. 3
    Sniper says:

    Is that a pair of “Palins” we see.


  4. 4

    Maybe he was trying to get close to Thatcher. Wanted to try John McDonnell’s assassination idea


  5. 5
    Hugh Janus says:

    Don’t be too hard on him, we want Balls for NuLiebour’s leader. You know it makes sense.


  6. 5

    So that’s his chances fucked then – shame.

    So it looks like they’re going to have a rubber faced piss-licker as labour leader.



  7. 7

    We’ve all done silly things when we were young eh Guido?


  8. 8
    John Cipher says:

    He’s got massive breasts now, far bigger than his wife’s. It must be a toss up for him which ones to suck.


  9. 10
    The Court of Public Opinion says:

    Didn’t the Right Honourable ed balls publicly admit Damian McBride is is friend recently? Has he checked up on what this most honest & trustworthy comrade has been up to lately? I hear he has fallen on hard times…


  10. 11
    Imagine John Prescott without Bulimia says:

    Was it during the time he dressed as a Nazi?


  11. 12
    Lord Bumwatch of Bumbledon says:

    Just shows Blinky was wise beyond his years when young.
    He just got thick later!


  12. 13
    P1 says:

    “Being a closet member of OUCA never did Nick Clegg any harm, just look where it got him”

    Was he a closet member of OUCA because to attend a meeting he would have had to travel all the way to Oxford from Cambridge where he was at University? If so the car mileage alone would spoil his green credentials.


    • 32
      13eastie says:

      The OUCA was known for hiring male strippers when Sally Bercow was its social secretary.

      This could explain Clegg’s travel arrangements, and an encounter with such a “closet member” might also point to the origin of Balls’ palpebral fasciculation.


  13. 18
    Did you know? says:

    Why are they so loud?

    The loudness can be explained by the bore shape, which is roughly conical, and flares. As well as creating sound at a frequency of 235 hertz, the instrument generates harmonics – sound at multiples of the fundamental frequency. We have measured strong harmonics at 470, 700, 940, 1171, 1400 and 1630 hertz.

    A flared instrument has louder higher-frequency harmonics than a cylindrical one. The flared instrument is perceived as louder because the higher harmonics are at frequencies where our hearing is most sensitive. This is partly why the conical saxophone sounds louder than the cylindrical clarinet.

    Since it produces 116 decibels at 1 metre, prolonged exposure to the vuvuzela poses a risk to hearing, according to a study by the Department of Communication Pathology at the University of Pretoria, South Africa. Listen to just one instrument for 7 to 22 seconds and you exceed typical permitted levels for noise at work. A whole crowd produces even higher levels, and measurements at a training match have shown temporary hearing loss among spectators.



    • 23
      HazelNuts says:

      and now the weather…shove the entire instrument up the blower’s bottom …problem solved


    • 25
      jgm2 says:

      On the up-side it means you don’t have to listen to Andy Burnham’s make-up double or Alan ‘Donkey’ Shearer talking shit.

      When I say ‘don’t have to listen’ I mean ‘can’t hear a fucking word’.


    • 35

      Africans, stop using our Aid money to buy fucking plastic trumpets. Buy rice or something instead


      • 39
        Plastic Claims says:

        Can’t quite understand how a plastic trumpet can be claimed to be part of their culture


      • 51
        The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

        As I dont follow either football or African issues
        Would these be plasic Cock trumpets?
        For me I think that we should just send them millions of AK47S shed loads of ammo and let them fight it out to the last man
        Rather than some waxed poofter who has an orange Liverpudlian/essex slag in tow as he makes a living hoofing a balloon about


      • 54
        The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

        Couldnt we just sent them more AIDS rather than aid?
        Spread it on sweets and air drop it on them , or pencils with HIV infected rubbers,
        They have been told to use rubbers


  14. 21
    jgm2 says:

    Oh dear. Labour apologists still swooning about the hated Thatch wreaking her destruction on Northern constituencies.

    And yet after 13 years of the Maximum Imbecile not a single coal pit reopened. Not a single dockyard reopened. Not a single car factory built with government money.

    Nope. The only remedy they had was to ‘create’ a million make-work office ‘jobs’ in the NHS and Health and Safety and Home Information Package creators and council offices and suchlike shit. All heavily skewed to Labour seats of course but no more sustainable than paying one million miners a fortune to produce coal at four times the global price.

    When they could be bothered. When Arthur ‘Grace and Favour Apartment for life or you’ll be hearing from my lawyers’ Scargill wasn’t ordering them to freeze hundreds of old grannies to death in their homes every winter because that’s what the KGB had told him to do.

    Surely if they really want to get folk upset they should be showing the pictures of Balls dressed up as Adolf Hitler. Or are they saving that one for another day?


    • 92
      Mr Ned says:

      That was already in the Daily Mail today.

      And on this blog, and many others, several times before the election.


    • 111
      bergen says:

      I often wonder whether Scargill was really a deep cover Tory mole rather than a communist dupe.After all,he was the most responsible for the destruction of the NUM.He couldn’t have done more to wreck it if he’d tried.


    • 113
      Grumpy Old Man says:

      It wasn’t all that bad. Some of it was worse. Labour flogged off steelworkers pension funds to deserving 3rd World entrepreneurs. Presumably this act of treason was spun as “Redistribution”.


    • 117
      filipinomonkey says:

      You forget all the nasty laws on unions, strikes etc that weren’t repealed either.


  15. 22
    Jonty Pryor says:

    Have the Conservatives done anything since they got in power other than constantly tell us that we’re completely fucked?


    • 27
      jgm2 says:

      I do hope they’ve spent at least half that time emphasising who fucked it up. The jackass Labour government of the Maximum Imbecile.


    • 28
      HazelNuts says:

      yes …. who by


    • 29
      Peasant says:

      Just wait for the NHS “bring and buy” sale to start.


    • 30
      The Court of Public Opinion says:

      Yes. They promised £200m to Afghanistan to help build their schools and hospitals – a sweet fifth of a billion pounds of our money. Then they asked the British public for ideas where they could save money, so they could help build British schools and hospitals. Oh and they promised to stay in Afghanistan for “as long as it takes” (in other words, until Obama tells us to pull out).


      • 76
        The vestibule of random people muttering in the corner says:

        I think we should pull out of Afghanistan now.

        There is no vital British interest there, and as Obama thinks the company formerly known as British Petroleum is about the same as the Taliban, we are clearly not fighting for the same shared common values.


        • 81
          • jgm2 says:

            Waste of time and money investing in Afghanistan. They’re a bunch of ‘fiercely independent clans, a proud people..blah blah‘… in the same mould as the Yemenis.

            Ie self-destructively narrow-minded to the point that they would rather blow up an oil pipeline that might give their neighbour 100 dollars even if it meant spiting themselves for a million dollars.

            And folk hope that multi-nationals are going to invest in Afghanistan? They might but in my opinion they might as well just borrow several billion quid from the bank and have a jolly good bonfire with the money for all the hope they have of seeing a return on their investment.


          • The Court of Public Opinion says:

            There was loads of reconstructive building work needed after Iraq too. How much went to UK firms as a token of the Americans thanks for being a good poodle?


          • Equity abhors a Maxim says:

            The cynic in me thinks that the in-theatre experience of our armed forces will mean that they are highly sought after when the mines and pipelines are built and require constant protection. Experience gained in the public sector being applied within the private sector, for a far better wage.


    • 33

      Have you seen Gordon, Jonty? We’re all terribly worried about him. He’s completely disappeared.
      Do you think we should put his face on a milk carton ?

      Or is it more sinister? first, £157 billion disappears. Then Gordon disappears. Maybe we need a crimewatch special.


      • 38
        Chingrinner says:

        nothing so sinister William just working as a sales assistant in Age Concern’s Outer Hebrides branch.


        • 50
          jgm2 says:

          Naah, the Outer Hebrides, smallest constituency since Old Sarum, returns an SNP MP. The Maximum Imbecile wouldn’t set foot in the place.


      • 45
        NuAttackDog says:

        haha Gordon’s done a bunk from the bunker – maybe he wasn’t so cretinous after all?


    • 56
      sockpuppet #4 says:

      Well that would be quite a good start.

      Scrapped ID cards. Phew.
      Scrapped home information packs. (sounded like a good idea for 10 seconds, but really!!!)

      But doesn’t it now mean you can grow up a bit? not follow the party line and think for yourself for a few minutes. Were you really that keen on ID cards as your party bosses told you to be?


    • 96
      Mr Ned says:

      They have made a start on dismantling the surveillance state, Put through a Queen’s speech that was better than any thing the last labour government came up with for 13 years.

      Far from perfect, but much better than labour.


    • 118
      filipinomonkey says:

      HIPS dropped, A&E 4 hour maximum waiting time target dropped, public enquiry into the scandal of the Staffordshire hospital scandal announced, Child trust funds (surely one of the daftest ideas ever) repealed, Frank Field to look at poverty and not get sacked by T Blair, Child benefit to be reviewed, speed camera legislation changed, open government finances to the public to name but a few. Shame the human rights legislation seems to have survived…


  16. 24
    Swamp Creature says:

    ‘Being a closet member of OUCA never did Nick Clegg any harm’

    You mean CUCA, but as Dr Johnson said, there is no setting the precedence between a louse and a flea.


  17. 31
    Auntie Flo' says:

    Talking of poisonous attitudes:

    Which are the only shop is in the high street flying the Union Jack in defiance of mass support for England’s St George’s cross?

    The Co-op.

    It’s obvious why. The Co-operative Society are part and parcel of the Labour Party, which so hates England that Blair and Brown’s government went all out to destroy England with the EU, refusing us a Referendum on the Lisbon Treaty, regionalisation and by allowing devolution, localism and home rule to Scotland, Ireland and Wales while deliberately denying these to England.

    Perhaps the English should boycottt the Co-op?


    • 36

      Co-Op are selling ‘England’ merchandise though auntie. Its probably not a conspiracy. Dave is into Co-ops too.


      • 72
        Auntie Flo' says:

        I wasn’t aware of that, I refuse to shop there because they support the Labour party and the Browns’ charity.

        Labour/ Co-op MSPS’s name: Marylin Livingstone
        Constituency: Kirkaldy

        Chairperson of the Jennifer Brown (Fife Appeal) Fundraising Committee. This position is unremunerated.

        Member of the Jennifer Brown (Fife Appeal) Advisory Board. This position is unremunerated.

        Member of Co-operative Party.

        “The Co-operative Party contributed £1,000 to my constituency party for my election campaign, this does not meet the requirements of the election expenses category. ”

        A significant part of the funds raised for Jennifer Brown’s charity in 2004 were donations from PiggyBankKids – Sarah Brown is a director of PiggyBankKids Projects Ltd.

        All a bit too Labour/ Scots/Brown nepotistic?


        • 82
          Auntie Flo' says:

          Forgot to add that the Co-operative Society donate to the Jennifer Brown charity too.


    • 43
      Thrusterbuster says:

      ffs auntie flo get a life


    • 44
      P. Doff says:

      Union Flag… not Union Jack.


    • 62
      Must get a pseudonym one day says:

      Some of us never do use the Co-op anyway – which shops sustained the miners during Scargill’s attempt to overthrow our legitimate government ? And who in their right mind would want to subsidise any NuLiebor or Old Labour MPs ?

      The boycott started 25 years ago and will only end when the Co-op does.


      • 75
        Deep Muff Diver says:

        Or of course when you die, choking on a Tesco sausage roll


      • 97
        Jan says:

        Gudd fae fudd……except in Basingstoke where many prices appear to have doubled since Co-op took over Somerfield.


    • 93
      Backwoodsman says:

      Wake up chaps, you should have been boycotting them since they tried to stop their tennant farmers letting the hunts cross their land. Complete bunch of labour party bed-wetters.


  18. 34

    It was and no doubt still is quite usual for the politically minded to join all the clubs at university in order to be able to attend their meetings.


  19. 40
    Anonymous says:

    where’s gordo?

    poor ed and gordon – they thought they were amazing and the whole country (when it got the chance to have its say) spat them out! amazing – they must feel dreadful. david miliband won’t want any other job then leader – you can’t go from foreign sec to tea boy


    • 63
      Must get a pseudonym one day says:

      We all really know where Gordo is but the conspiracy of silence amongst the media prevents our being told officially.

      Time someone told them who pays their wages – it ain’t Gordo any more.


      • 86
        jgm2 says:

        If the entire UK media really is sitting on the details about what a medically certified lunatic the Maximum Imbecile is (and was ) during his reign of idiocy then I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised.

        I cannot think of one newspaper or one single journalist worth the name in the UK today. There is more journalism and investigative reporting in ‘Pr*v*te Eye’ than there is in all the mainstream newspaper and TV channels combined.

        Even the dissenting voices from (say) The Mirror on the left or The Telegraph on the right do so from sheer bloody-minded theoretical ideological positions rather than revealing the actual lies and idiocies perpetrated in our name.

        I share the hope of many here that CMD will pull the rug from under The Guardian by putting government jobs onto a website but equally if all the newspapers and TV channels were to close down it would be no great loss. They’re fucking useless as a means of holding our elected representatives to account.


        • 99
          Mr Ned says:

          here here.

          These sorry and pathetic criminal excuses for journalists do little more than add their name to a by-line of the latest government or opposition press release and think that they have done a hard day’s work holding ‘them’ to account for the good of democracy.

          Useless bastards the lot of them.

          meanwhile our “elected” leaders can lie with impunity to commit war crimes and these fuckers cover up for them. It was known for a fact that Saddam was NOT a threat before the invasion.

          Blair’s lies led directly to the deaths of over a million.


        • 128

          Agreed sir.

          However, calling the telegraph a right wing paper is a bit like saying Cameron is a Conservative. Tsk, tsk.

          Please consider the following bloggers/journalists:
             Mary Ellen Synon
             Christopher Booker
             Christopher Booker’s column
             Dr Richard North

          they do far better and more thorough journalism than the lazy NUJ kiddies in most of Fleet Street.


  20. 41
    13eastie says:

    SarahBeardUK‘s daily tweet rate has declined from its truly imbecilic zenith to zero.

    No tweets since at all 13 June.

    Is it really only her book that is distracting her?


    • 49
      BadgerSnatch says:

      perhaps shes finally realised no-one gives a flying fuck what shes doing


      • 53
        jgm2 says:

        Last one reported here she was proclaiming how fucking brilliant she was making sandwiches for a day trip or some such crap.

        What a crock of shit.

        Inspirational stuff for the masses eh? Maximum Imbeciles missus took the kids on a day-trip and packed snacks.

        In other news I made a cup of tea and treated myself to a couple of custard creams. Meanwhile UK’s economy remains fucked, Bloody Sunday report is released, BP well still pissing oil into the Gulf of Mexico and England remind everybody just how shit they are at football.

        Get over yourself Sarah. Nobody gave a shit for your vignettes of domestic life at number 10 last year and they sure as hell don’t give a shit now that you’re off the celebrity gala dinner rubber chicken circuit and looking at 10 or 12 years living in Fucking Fife and sending your kids to Kirkcaldy Comprehensive and Finishing School for Stabbing.


    • 77
      Rip Van Winkle says:

      Visiting time.


  21. 42
    Eddie Bollocks says:

    I’m a c’unt, no really I am.


  22. 46
    Trotsky says:

    Mandy used to be a communist which he denies on the grounds that he was in the juvenile wing-YCL-and not the Moscow funded CPGB.No truth in the rumour that he once tried to shag Nina Temple.


    • 58
      jgm2 says:

      Half the old Labour cabinet of all the imbeciles were prior paid-up members of the Communist Party. And they didn’t even bother to pretend it was just so they could listen to communist luminaries dispel their wisdom.

      It is far more telling what they’re not getting upset about than what they are getting upset about.


  23. 47
    Kered says:

    Marvellous things happening to the Labour Party. Balls is an ex- conservative,
    would have fitted in the Rather Stupid Looney Party. Or was that Mr Bbbbrrrroons
    secret haunt?


  24. 48
    The Beast of Clerkenwell says:

    He must have a taste of poison every time he goes down on Yvette
    A very salty, tadpole infested white gooey journalistic kind of poison that has been splashed down there by a well known tabloid scribbler

    My ole man was a Gas man and he wore a Gas mans hat
    And now Im in parliament ***** ****** shoots his load up my wifes Twa*

    Thats how we sing it down the old k*nt Road


  25. 55
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Hilarious that he’s embarrassed by being a Tory at university, but not ashamed to be known as Gordon Brown’s bullyboy bag-man.


  26. 59
    All leaders are scum gangsters out to oppress and rob says:

    They are all the same,have you lot learned nothing yet.No you haven’t you voted the thieves back in.Lib Lab Con are all the same circle.out to use you for their own ends


    • 65
      The Enforcer says:

      have you heard the media crap about saville’s report…just a shame they didn’t shoot a lot more including that scumbag macguiness


      • 102
        Mr Ned says:

        I heard the BBC call McGuinness a former leader of the IRA and a terrorist today. Is this the first time that the BBC have dared tell the truth about this?


        • 116
          Grumpy Old Man says:

          Stop panicking.
          There is no such thing as an ex-IRA Man BBC are being economical with the truth, so it’s situation normal.


  27. 64
    Puppet Master tm says:

    Guido I thought you were clever than this! Ed Balls is a dick but really this is a nonsensical and trivial attack at the expense of an idiot like Stephen Pound.

    You are wasting a good opportunity to play with Ed a little longer.

    But to the core of the matter; anyone can change their views or join a party or cause for the mere interests of infiltrating it.

    I’ve been a member of SWP, UAF & B*N*P & EDL at the same time FFS.

    I’ve been a Labour, Lib Dem & Tory member within months of each other and still offer advice and moonlight within them and have friends in all parties.

    Give me a cause and I will show you how to play chess with the pawns of ideology.

    Give me two sides against each other and I will make a profit.

    Attacking your enemies head on is futile when you can destroy them from the inside.

    These parties, ideologies and causes are ripe for the picking so someone might as well do it and prosper from them.

    The Green scam is coming along nicely as well thanks to the do gooders who actually believe in the guff who have done all the hard work.


  28. 66
    Arnie Astor,survivor of the Titanic extordinaire says:

    Gordon has turned up


  29. 74
    Slave to products says:

    Ed Balls will never be leader for the Labour Party. Everyone knows it’s going to be Divy Milibland and his Next2Nowt Party that will be in opposition.


  30. 78
    Slave to Priceless Products says:

    What on earth is Ed doing to Yvette in that picture? Looks likes Coops is showing off a new boob job!


  31. 80
    Spank Sinatra says:

    Blinky is a busted flush – universally unpopular. Whilst Private Half-inch may be the tipsters choice, his younger (and equally gormless younger brother) will secure the union vote and thereby the leadership. How do i know? My cat just did a turd on his face and she’s never wrong.


  32. 83
    streamfisher says:

    Shame Gordon hasn’t got a twin brother who could run for leader or a sister Georgina Brown, which brings me to the crux of the matter, where is the fucker? have interpol been informed.


    • 88
      jgm2 says:

      Still sulking.

      This is going to go down as the biggest sulk in history.

      I think the BBC or Tory Party should be running a ‘Sulk Clock’ on their website.

      Days:Hours:Minutes since Brown dared appear in public after being tossed out as PM.

      A constant reminder of the ‘depth’ of the man the Labour Party foisted on the UK.


  33. 84
    The Price of scented slavery products says:

    Is that the fragrant Katie Price in that photo alongside the slavering Ed?


    • 106
      Unsworth says:

      Best keep well upwind of the pair of them. Fragrant? Depends on your tastes, I suppose.


  34. 95

    […] Was “Ed” “Balls” a member of OUCA? (Via Guido.) […]


  35. 103
    streamfisher says:

    In this new age of austerity how heartening to know that the BBC can still afford to send 400 people to cover the Glastonbury festival, will Andrew Marr be making an appearance again outside the pyramid stage?


  36. 105
    Concerned says:

    Why is that bloke attempting to put a pair of knickers on her head having just threaded her tits with a knitting needle?


  37. 121
    Duncan says:

    Nick has never been a member of the Conservative party; his name was on a list someone drew up of possible Tories at their college (for electoral purposes at the Cambridge Union IIRC). Ed Balls actually was a member of the party.


  38. 129
    Ed Ballsup says:

    Ed is so inept and incompetent he should join the Republican Party. Pity he is British!


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